Dating a cousin?

LegacyUser

Is it wrong to date a cousin? The relationship we have goes like this, my grandfather is her grandfathers brother.

Just want to get peoples opinions on this.

nicolo

what does that make you? think thats second cousins , you should be resonably fine genetics wise that said i knew a guy whos parents where second cousins an he was a few bricks short of an outhouse. thered be a pretty nasty social thing too if you told people. plus family reunions? awkward. sounds like to much trouble if you ask me. but do it if it makes you happy.

Rowley Birkin QC

Genetics wise your probably ok, but i would say its a no-go for the reasons cited above

WindSock

I wouldnt even date a person that shares the same surname. But thats just me...

redzerdrog

a mate of mine is in the same situation and he gets some stick. one of the good ones is " ya have a face only a cousin could love" ha ha:D

Call Me Jimmy

for a quick roidin' it'd be grand but if ye's were dating your families would find out which would not be good...

faceman

My mate's parents are cousins. They're happily married but had to get permission from the church. He was born with a genetic defect tho.

is_that_so

There is also the whole thing of siblings, nephews and nieces also being cousins as well. :eek: I do believe that second cousins can be a problem genetically with more than one grandparent in common.

LegacyUser

This whole 'genetic defect' argument is spurious. This only applies if both of you share an inherited recessive gene that has some negative effect (incredibly rare to begin with), coupled with the probability of both recessive genes making up any potential offspring (~25%). Long story short - incredibly remote possibility.

The only reason recessive traits start manifesting with inbreeding is when there is successive interbreeding through several generations (increases the probability of some negative recessive trait (rare in itself) being expressed). For example, cultures where arranged marriages are typically with first cousins e.g. Pakistanis. A single one-off cousin-cousin relationship won't matter.

That is assuming you even intend having children with this person!!

simu

It's not illegal but... yuck. Imo anyways.

LegacyUser

'"a mate of mine is in the same situation and he gets some stick. one of the good ones is " ya have a face only a cousin could love" ha ha"

Quality!

I know it sounds weird and all, the thing is i never met her until 2 weeks ago. I recently moved out of ireland. So none of my friends are here to give me a slagging!

I haven't started dating her, just wanted to test the water. The family reunion thing doesn't bother me because my family live on the other side of the world. Thus having never seen her before.'

Overheal

Wikipedia goes on to talk about "degrees of kinship":

1) Siblings
2) Half-Siblings
3) First Cousins
4) Second Cousins
5) Third Cousins
6) etc.

And adopted children are (by most religious standards) considered to be biological children in every respect. The most degrees of prohibition being in Hindu afaik with 7 degrees.

Overheal

boreds wrote:

I wouldnt even date a person that shares the same surname. But thats just me...

Up until very recently it was expressly forbidden in China for centuries if not more. First Chinese Cousins are allowed to marry if they have different surnames.

Esel

is_that_so wrote:

I do believe that second cousins can be a problem genetically with more than one grandparent in common.

Second cousins share great-grandparents. No church or legal prohibition, but expect a lot of family resistance.

Children of different first cousins are second cousins. A child of your first cousin is your 'first cousin, once removed' (i.e. removed by a generation).

Jesus Wept

Abe Simpson: It all began when Jebediah Springfield first came to these
lands with his partner, Shelbyville Manhattan.
[flash to pilgrims approaching a hilltop]

Jebediah: People, our search is over! On this site we shall build a new
town where we can worship freely, govern justly, and grow vast
fields of hemp for making rope and blankets.

Shelbyville: Yes, and marry our cousins.

Jebediah: I was -- what are you talking about, Shelbyville? Why would
we want to marry our cousins?

Shelbyville: Because they're so attractive. I, I thought that was the
whole point of this journey.

Jebediah: Absolutely not!

Shelbyville: I tell you, I won't live in a town that robs men of the right
to marry their cousins.

AthAnRi

This is just wrong.

louisecm

I know a couple who met while in their twenties because they were second cousins, they were friends for a couple of years and then they wound up getting together. The family was pretty gobsmacked but they got over it, and now they just get slaggings. They have a baby and he is gorgeous and perfectly healthy. It may seem like a foreign concept to many but I don't think its that big of a deal.

Jocksy

Second cousins are miles apart. You have (or should at least) have 8 great grandparents so being 1/8th the same kin isn't something to worry about.

Eoin

nicolo wrote:

plus family reunions? awkward.

Well, at least you don't have to introduce her to everyone.

is_that_so

esel wrote:

Second cousins share great-grandparents. No church or legal prohibition, but expect a lot of family resistance.

Children of different first cousins are second cousins. A child of your first cousin is your 'first cousin, once removed' (i.e. removed by a generation).

Being part of a very large extended family it is important that we meet up every so often just so you know who the cousins are and don't "bump into them" somewhere. That said there was a marriage between first cousins which produced a healthy child.

Second cousins can have the two related grandparents based on what you say but we are probably into "Duelling Banjos" territory. (Doesn't bear thinking about :rolleyes: )



Me - Brother= grandparents

Child-Child = first cousins (child)
Child-Child = second cousins (grandchild)

padser

eoin_s wrote:

Well, at least you don't have to introduce her to everyone.

and you will save loads on christmas cards as well.

Seriously though I think second cousin is a bit close for comfort to be honest

Esel

is_that_so wrote:

Second cousins can have the two related grandparents based on what you say but we are probably into "Duelling Banjos" territory. (Doesn't bear thinking about :rolleyes: )

Me - Brother= grandparents

Child-Child = first cousins (child)
Child-Child = second cousins (grandchild)

Based on what I said???

You are wrong here. Look at my post again. To simplify:

Siblings share parents ( Doh!)

First cousins share one set of grandparents

Second cousins share one set of great-grandparents

Etc.

Etc.

magicbastarder

Kissin' Cousins wrote:

This whole 'genetic defect' argument is spurious. This only applies if both of you share an inherited recessive gene that has some negative effect (incredibly rare to begin with), coupled with the probability of both recessive genes making up any potential offspring (~25%). Long story short - incredibly remote possibility.

the recessive gene for cystic fibrosis is carried by 1 in 22 people of european descent.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think legally it is "wrong" but surely there are enough people in the world that folks don't have to have sexual relations with family members, regardless of how distant the link?!

Alter-Ego

Tis wrong. I have quite a large extended family and the thought of being involved with any of them is just...WRONG!!!

kraggy

esel wrote:

Based on what I said???

You are wrong here. Look at my post again. To simplify:

Siblings share parents ( Doh!)

First cousins share one set of grandparents

Second cousins share one set of great-grandparents

Etc.

Etc.

He/She is not wrong. Second cousin is the child of your parent's first cousin.

Check out wiki if you need to and look at the chart.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin

SoBe

is_it_wrong wrote:

I recently moved out of ireland.

where did you move to? tennesee?
well i guess when in rome etc.....but seriously......ewwwww cousins

Esel

kraggy wrote:

He/She is not wrong. Second cousin is the child of your parent's first cousin.

Check out wiki if you need to and look at the chart.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin

Suggest you look at the chart again. Look carefully at the 'Me' line and you will see I am correct. Look upwards from 'First Cousin' and 'Second Cousin' to see the common ancestors. Doh.

Mr Pinchy123

I Think its absolute sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

davyjose

SoBe wrote:

where did you move to? tennesee?

LMAO
I don't know my second cousins, so TBH I could care less, but as stated, it might casuse the odd awkward moment, but if ya love her sod everyone else (if not .... abort abort abort)

LegacyUser

'

esel wrote:

Suggest you look at the chart again. Look carefully at the 'Me' line and you will see I am correct. Look upwards from 'First Cousin' and 'Second Cousin' to see the common ancestors. Doh.

c'mon. u guys are both saying the same thing in different ways. this isn't that complicated.

yes, your 2nd cousin is the child of your parents 1st cousin, and yes that means you share great grandparents...'

Love2love

I know a couple who are first cousins and married with a baby on the way. They are from Tunisia and its the norm there. I knew there was something strange about them, he was dog ugly and she was beautiful. I asked my boyfriend and apparently,he just said I want to marry her and she had to say yes or she would be shunned by the family. But they are really happy! Well on the outside anyway.

Its not something I agree with personally but I am not going to judge anyone else. If you really like/love her then it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks because at the end of the day it is your life.

veryslowey

i think its fine and woudl go for it of i was you

greenkittie

I know two first cousins who are married with 4 kids, all now grown up, very beautiful and all at oxford or cambridge. I wouldnt personaly know my cousins if i met them on the street. If you didnt grow up with them i see nothing wrong with it.

kraggy

esel wrote:

Suggest you look at the chart again. Look carefully at the 'Me' line and you will see I am correct. Look upwards from 'First Cousin' and 'Second Cousin' to see the common ancestors. Doh.

I am not disputing what you said yourself, i'm disputing your saying that Is_that_so was wrong.

He/She was not wrong when he/she gave this diagram:

Me - Brother= grandparents

Child-Child = first cousins (child)
Child-Child = second cousins (grandchild)

Anti

the pair of you need to elope to somewhere like brazil where this **** is the norm. IDK if its a second cousin, it still seems wrong to me......

/me shudders

Maccattack

Imagine being a child. Knowing your parents were cousins.

LegacyUser

'

magicbastarder wrote:

the recessive gene for cystic fibrosis is carried by 1 in 22 people of european descent.

A meaningless statistic in this context since the vast majority of potential mates, in this country at least, will be of European descent, cousins or not. Worst case scenario: 1/22 * 1/22 * 1/4 = 0.05% of a cystic fibrosis child regardless of cousin/non-cousin status of mate. I'll take those odds. Especially, if I was in love.

Now, if there was a family history of cystic fibrosis then that would be a different story, but none has been mentioned.'

Acid_Violet

Do you really like her? Seriously, there are enough women in the world without considering some-one who's related to you.

Calibos

Had a little think about this and I think it all hinges on whether the prospective coupleand their close relatives know the other families or have much contact with them.

Some families are close and all the cousins know all the other cousins and spent a lot of time with them up to the late teens. My mothers side were like this. Other families like my dads and my mates are the opposite extreme. They barely know any of their first cousins never mind second.

Now I was a little perplexed at some peoples responses like 'eeew, Yuck" etc I would have expected this reaction to the thoughts of a relationship between first cousins but whats the big deal about seconds?? On the surface I didn't really have a problem with a second cousin relationship.

Then I thought about placing some of my own family in the family tree examples posted by others. What I came up with was this.

I can't see myself having a problem dating a second cousin on my fathers side because I don't know them....at all. TBH I don't even know if I have any on that side!!. I know one or two of the parents of this hypothetical second cousin on my dads side (ie my dads cousins) I can't see my dad having a problem with it either as he barely knows these cousins of his never mind their kids (ie my second cousins that I might date).

Bit different on my mums side. Just like all my cousins grew up together and I know them all. My mum knew all her cousins too. So while I won't have known any of my second cousins on that side my mum will know the parents very well. So while I probably wouldn't have a problem dating those second cousins I can imagine my mum might find it a bit icky.

Similarily while none of us cousins (with non related partners hopefully ) have had any kids yet, when we do those kids might not know each other. Cousins even in close families do drift apart. So while my kid might not have a problem dating a second cousin just like I mightn't in the same situation, I actually would have a problem with my kid dating my cousins kid just like my mum would have a problem with me dating her cousins kid.

Thing is though, that if we discovered we were second cousins before we fell for each other that would probably nip the whole thing in the bud anyway. If I didn't find out we were related till after we had fallen for each other then finding out wouldn't stop me. Would stop me if I was already in love but happened to be inadvertantly dating a first cousin though!! (Can't happen though, I know all my first cousins on both sides)