What drives your bowels mad?

nlgbbbblth

A combination of

- Soup
- Three cups of coffee
- A large Innocent smoothie

all this afternoon has meant for frequent sitting visits to the bathroom.

Not today, but not good either

- Thai food
- Polo mints
- Lager

Other people - what drives your bowels wild?

spurious

Espresso coffee - I must avoid it or I get instant results.

Backtoblack

Water.. I try to drink a good few pints a day and this tends to have the effect of needing to hang out in the ladies a good bit!
Coffee maybe too.

Fanny Cradock

What an odd thread

Will there be a "how regular are you?" follow up?

chamlis

Apparently, Buckfast and Pancakes from a ready-made "just add water" box.

Basq

My bowels hates it when i repeatedly sing "I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.. i know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.."

And so on and so forth!

Certainly drives him mad!

nlgbbbblth

Fanny Cradock wrote:

What an odd thread

Will there be a "how regular are you?" follow up?

Not as odd as calling yourself after an over-zealous, hyperactive, snobbish, dismissive television chef.

Yes, Fanny Cradock Cooks For Christmas (1975, complete with Mike Oldfield theme tune) makes for great viewing nowadays but doesn't take away from the fact that she was a division four league cook.

Lump

My bowls are nice, I put cereal in them.

John

Guinness. Eh, the next day I mean.

Basq

Oh... and almost forgot, Yore Ma drives my bowels mad!

Fanny Cradock

nlgbbbblth wrote:

Not as odd as calling yourself after an over-zealous, hyperactive, snobbish, dismissive television chef.

Yes, Fanny Cradock Cooks For Christmas (1975, complete with Mike Oldfield theme tune) makes for great viewing nowadays but doesn't take away from the fact that she was a division four league cook.

I like to think of it as more unique then odd. So, how regular are you, nlgbbbblth?

ninebeanrows

Packet of Soft Mints

Chewing 1 pack of blue Extra

Eating a full tin of beans

Eating 2 kiwis

Finishing on a Curry for dinner

That was a ghastly day:D

nlgbbbblth

Fanny Cradock wrote:

I like to think of it as more unique then odd. So, how regular are you, nlgbbbblth?

Well very regular this evening for the reasons outlined in the opening post of the thread.

Otherwise, two or three times a day.

Backtoblack

Are we talking Number ones or Number twos here??
(twos are poos btw!)

Fanny Cradock

2 or 3 times a day :eek:

High fibre diet I'd imagine

Saruman

Im an expert on the subject im afraid.. having spent weeks in hospital with ulcerative Colitis, which i seem to have cured by changing my diet. No drugs needed in years now
Firstly Coffee!! One of the worst, Caffeine is very very bad but even decaff coffee is no good as coffee itself is a laxative!!
Secondly is Red meat. Beef is the most obvious...
Those are the 2 that cause problems.

However in some people Alcohol will relax the bowels too so out comes a nice steamer

<snip> for pics

nlgbbbblth

Backtoblack wrote:

Are we talking Number ones or Number twos here??
(twos are poos btw!)

Bowels in thread title should be a clue...

nlgbbbblth

www.poopreport.com

interesting and rewarding stories

'poo shouldn't be taboo'

spurious

Saruman wrote:

<snip> for pics

Oh my God I thought that was a joke URL. :eek:

cornbb

Eating a whole packet of anything that contains "a source of Phenylalanine. EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION MAY PRODUCE LAXATIVE EFFECTS"

You all know what I'm talking about...

Backtoblack

nlgbbbblth wrote:

Bowels in thread title should be a clue...

lol No I just had to make sure, coz two or three times is very low!!!
You peeps are just not drinking enough water!!!!!
More water = more trips to the bathroom = less working for the boss = more pay for less work + its good for your bowls + its good for your skin.

Saruman

spurious wrote:

Oh my God I thought that was a joke URL. :eek:

Thats been around since www.hotornot.com first appeared. Some of them are so funny i just cant control my laughter.

Backtoblack

oops.. I should have gone to medical school!!!
LMAO!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Now, in all fairness, bowels are an underated organ. After a good old fashion Balti, extra rice, there is nothing better than grabbing a copy of the Sunday World (not for reading - I don;t trust you bastards to have replaced the bog roll) and sitting back and letting go. Especially if you've have to hold it in for a while. It's a natural (and sometimes, quiet uplifting) process so instead of srating threads about it, enjoy it.

Faith

Backtoblack wrote:

lol No I just had to make sure, coz two or three times is very low!!!
You peeps are just not drinking enough water!!!!!
More water = more trips to the bathroom = less working for the boss = more pay for less work + its good for your bowls + its good for your skin.

Bowels = intestines = poop.
Bladder = urine (wee).

Cheap vodka kills me that next day.

nlgbbbblth

Having to 'go' in a pub with no lock on the door is always traumatic.

Terry

Saruman wrote:

Im an expert on the subject im afraid.. having spent weeks in hospital with ulcerative Colitis, which i seem to have cured by changing my diet. No drugs needed in years now
Firstly Coffee!! One of the worst, Caffeine is very very bad but even decaff coffee is no good as coffee itself is a laxative!!
Secondly is Red meat. Beef is the most obvious...
Those are the 2 that cause problems.

However in some people Alcohol will relax the bowels too so out comes a nice steamer

<snip> for pics

Links to porn related stuff on that site.
Please do not link to it again.

Having to 'go' in a pub with no lock on the door is always traumatic.

Long legs are a bonus in that situation.

gyppo

A sociable gallon of Harp(ic) always got things going the following day.

Otherwise, a good hot vindaloo would mean a long protracted and tear inducing stay on the throne.

Max_Damage

nlgbbbblth wrote:

Having to 'go' in a pub with no lock on the door is always traumatic.

Having to 'go' in a pub anyway is traumatic! Even worse if there is piss all over the seat (which there usually is).

Overheal

Sleep deprivation and caffeine...and tap water, no matter where you go, is infested and/or digusting.

Rb

Fanny Cradock wrote:

What an odd thread

Will there be a "how regular are you?" follow up?

It wouldn't be the first time tbh, these things seem to come around annually.

hullaballoo

Cigarettes.

Fanny Cradock

Overheal wrote:

Sleep deprivation and caffeine...and tap water, no matter where you go, is infested and/or digusting.

Infested? It is understood that tap water often has less bacteria than bottled.

1huge1

gotta be the millers

Backtoblack

Fanny Cradock wrote:

Infested? It is understood that tap water often has less bacteria than bottled.

Reporting from Clontarf: Water is fine here too!!

SimpleSam06

Max_Damage wrote:

Having to 'go' in a pub anyway is traumatic! Even worse if there is piss all over the seat (which there usually is).

And whats with that anyway? Is there a contingent of permanently bunged up pensioners with terminal constipation taking their revenge on those of us whose bowels still have a bit of life left in them?

Or are there young bravos who get some sort of knacker scout badge for piddling on toilet seats? Extra merits for raining in every pub in town before noon? Who would do such a thing?!?! and Why?!?

Alter-Ego

Guiness and buckfast should carry warnings.

Lust4Life

Fast Food of any kind.

And quit your arguing hey! Ya'all sound constipated!

Sparky

Donar Kebab
Cider
Coffee
Hunky Doreys

Jesus Wept

nlgbbbblth wrote:

what drives your bowels wild?

YOU'RE FACE! ....errr...sorry

nlgbbbblth wrote:

Polo Mints

Think it says on the packaging that eating too many can have laxative effects...

ronbyrne2005

Prunes are highly effective at speeding things up.

Backtoblack

ronbyrne2005 wrote:

Prunes are highly effective at speeding things up.

I really like prunes, I eat one can a week maybe.
Do raisins have the same effect? ?

Rabies

When I first moved to NZ I spent a week eating crap take away food every day. A week later my insides were muck.... never again

The hostel never had such a smelly jacks after me

Black Swan

Listening to a public address by the old prunes: Bush, Chaney, or their buddy Blair.

Hagar

The-Rigger wrote:

nlgbbbblth wrote:

Polo Mints

Think it says on the packaging that eating too many can have laxative effects...

The little hole that never closes is a bit of a hint there.

Archeron

A large ice cream, a pint of milk and a quarter pound of dolly mixtures once did it for me. To the point where I had to ask a double decker bus full of people to stop in Blessington and allow me time to leave a steamy gift in someones front garden.

gyppo

Archeron wrote:

A large ice cream, a pint of milk and a quarter pound of dolly mixtures once did it for me. To the point where I had to ask a double decker bus full of people to stop in Blessington and allow me time to leave a steamy gift in someones front garden.

So, you're the little firty ducker thats been sh1ting in me garden:eek:

FlutterinBantam

In my opinion,now I'm no expert, the best combo to "get a shove on " is 3 or 4 good husks of sweetcorn in butter followed by a very hot chili and rice.

Whenever I feel a touch bound, I set up that meal and about 2 hours later I'm on the pot "heaving for Ireland" as it were. Empties the bowels fully and rarely needs encouragement to leave the premises.

Have a brush within easy reach tho' as the corn can spread from the initial burst of fire...especially if you are in a strange privvy.

Highly reccomended.

petes

Guinness.

NutJob

I cook a pretty mean curry

Tend to overdo it with the chillies an jalapeños


Pint of water while eating


Guiness after


maintains regularity:eek:

Marksie

I got IBS .

Absolutely anything can set it off. Stress dependent though.