Getting away with murder...

c - 13

Ok, its Friday morning and i'm bored. I'm thinking about a question a friend of mine asked me last night.

Imagine you were hired to kill a person. You can kill them any way imaginable, but you have to try your best to get away with it.
You cannot leave the country/change your identity after you kill your mark so the way you kill the person must not leave any pointers to you or your client.
Assume the guards are inteligent and will pick up on anything you leave behind.

How would you go about this ?

My friend think the best way would be to chop them up and feed the body to pigs (a lá Hannibal & Snatch).

Myself, I think the best way is to drown the person in a bath of seawater then transport the body to the coast, up some cliffs in the dead of night and dump the body off the cliffs into the sea.
Assuming they dont hit any rocks under the surface there will be no bruises. It could be a while before the body is found. The cause of death is still drowning and the water in the lungs is still seawater.

Therefore cause of death looks accidental.

Disclaimer - c - 13 has no intention to kill anybody living or fictional and any similarities in this post to any persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. If this is a little too edgy for AH mods please move/delete at your discresion. This is meant to be a lighthearted look at death and different personalities take on it not a serious discussion about the best way to kill a living person. Terms & Conditions apply.

KTRIC

c - 13 wrote:

Assume the guards are intelligent and will pick up on anything you leave behind.

[/SIZE]

Thats a big assumption, I reckon anyone could get away with murder in Ireland if they are careful enough.

SimpleSam06

Nuke them from orbit. Its the only way to be sure.

qz

Get them when they're swimming in the sea. Get a really long extension cord. Drop in a toaster. Job done.

c - 13

Yeah thats why I added that in before posting - I knew someone would pick up on it Assume were dealing with a team of CSI style guys here.

Saruman

Well if you had the means, and i assume as a contract killer you would... and had no morals you could get on a tall building and as they walk below shoot a bazooka down killing them and everyone around them. Might be seen as a terrorist act but at the least there is no clear target for the police to find a motive.

luckat

There wouldn't be bruises anyway - the body doesn't bruise after death.

It sounds a little fiddly, somehow - say the person manages to grab a bar of soap in struggles and the reflex that makes a dying person clutch - the 'death grip' - kept the soap in his/her hand.... the pathologist would send the Gardai straight to the late's nearest and dearest, and clang go the gates of the Joy.

Or of course a good pathologist might check the microscopic seaweed particles in the lungs and find that they were from the wrong coast.

qz

Toaster in the sea lads. Toaster in the sea.

c - 13

Yes luckat but those are the chances we take ....

Bluetonic

c - 13 wrote:

Myself, I think the best way is to drown the person in a bath of seawater then transport the body to the coast, up some cliffs in the dead of night and dump the body off the cliffs into the sea.
Assuming they dont hit any rocks under the surface there will be no bruises. It could be a while before the body is found. The cause of death is still drowning and the water in the lungs is still seawater.

Therefore cause of death looks accidental.

There would be differences between forced drowning and accidental drowning which would be easily picked up by any forensic expert - level of water intake, lacerations from being forced underwater etc..,

qz

c - 13 wrote:

Yes luckat but those are the chances we take ....

Us murderer folk

Archeron

Combine the DNA of a Bat and a killer jellyfish. Sneak into their room at night, open the window and put said creature on their face, stinging them to death.

It would be seen as a tragic accident whereby an innocent Jellybat got lost on its travels and accidentally stung the person out of confusion and fear.

c - 13

Bluetonic wrote:

There would be differences between forced drowning and accidental drowning which would be easily picked up by any forensic expert - level of water intake, lacerations from being forced underwater etc..,

Hmmm, maybe that toaster/extension lead combo would be better then

In case anyone was wondering what started the conversation, we were playing Hitman: Blood Money at the time.

Saruman

If you had ninja skills you could walk right past them with a pen in your mouth and a poison dart in the pen (instead of wet paper ) and blow. No one would notice a thing until the person drops dead a few mins later and you are making a speedy escape on the 66.

luckat

I'm stunned by the toaster-in-the-sea idea. So simple... so obvious... and yet so devilishly clever.

Hagar

Bring him to a Garda station and push him down the stairs. No investigation.

xzanti

Bath of acid?

6th

OP how do you drown someone in a bath of seawater and not leave some evidence that you held them under?

My way would be to ground up glas to a fine(ish) powder and mix it in with their salt (in a salt celler). Once injested it would cause lots of tiny hemorages and should be near impossible to stop the bleeding - if done right.

Its not a quick death and they would die in hospital but sure who doesnt like salt? Of course if you wanted to indiscriminately kill lots of people do it to the salt in your local chipper.

humanji

Hagar wrote:

Bring him to a Garda station and push him down the stairs. No investigation.

lol, that's similar to my idea. Snap their neck and push them down a stairs do it looks like an accident.

Or, drown the person in a bath of seawater then transport the body to the coast, up some cliffs in the dead of night and dump the body off the cliffs into the sea. Then point the police to C-13's post at the top of this thread, thus framing them for the murder (and hope the cops aren't smart enough to read down the thread to this post!).

c - 13

6th wrote:

OP how do you drown someone in a bath of seawater and not leave some evidence that you held them under?

My way would be to ground up glas to a fine(ish) powder and mix it in with their salt (in a salt celler). Once injested it would cause lots of tiny hemorages and should be near impossible to stop the bleeding - if done right.

Its not a quick death and they would die in hospital but sure who doesnt like salt? Of course if you wanted to indiscriminately kill lots of people do it to the salt in your local chipper.

I havent thought that far ahead, maybe if I held them really gently ?

Oh, and I dont like salt.

c - 13

humanji wrote:

Or, drown the person in a bath of seawater then transport the body to the coast, up some cliffs in the dead of night and dump the body off the cliffs into the sea. Then point the police to C-13's post at the top of this thread, thus framing them for the murder (and hope the cops aren't smart enough to read down the thread to this post!).

Oh now thats good ! I like that thinking.

Spastafarian

Get a hefty cucumber and beat them to death with it.
Then eat the evidence.

6th

Spastafarian wrote:

Get a hefty cucumber and beat them to death with it.
Then eat the evidence.

I dont like cucumber, can you list some alternatives please?

humanji

Jelly?

event

only works if they have allergys

find out said allergy. Get a job working in their favourite restaurant. Slip the offending article into a meal for them.

They die, accidently

Katykaboom

slit their throat. Dismember the body. put it into a few black bags. and walk 200 feet to the nearest canal and dump the body. then get the bus to tallaght and bury the head seperatley.

loismustdie

c - 13 wrote:

Myself, I think the best way is to drown the person in a bath of seawater then transport the body to the coast, up some cliffs in the dead of night and dump the body off the cliffs into the sea.
Assuming they dont hit any rocks under the surface there will be no bruises. It could be a while before the body is found. The cause of death is still drowning and the water in the lungs is still seawater.

Therefore cause of death looks accidental.



i saw on a film or something before, think it may have been diagnosis murder (can't help but watch it) someone did something similar and the bite of an insect not found in that area was found in the victims mouth during autopsy, the killer was caught:)

loismustdie

6th wrote:

My way would be to ground up glas to a fine(ish) powder and mix it in with their salt (in a salt celler). Once injested it would cause lots of tiny hemorages and should be near impossible to stop the bleeding - if done right.

Its not a quick death and they would die in hospital but sure who doesnt like salt? Of course if you wanted to indiscriminately kill lots of people do it to the salt in your local chipper.

a mean farmer did that to my puppy when i was young! ared yo a farmer???:mad:

watna

Has anyone read the book "The Lovely Bones". In that they say the best way to kill someone is with an icicle... then the murder weapon melts and the police will have no idea what killed the person. Ingenious!!

humanji

Katykaboom wrote:

slit their throat. Dismember the body. put it into a few black bags. and walk 200 feet to the nearest canal and dump the body. then get the bus to tallaght and bury the head seperatley.

Speaking from experience, are we?

In fairness, if you've been hired to kill someone, then there are no direct ties between you and the victim, so you could simply stab them in a secluded place (your geographical location, not the area you stab, you perverts!!!). Unless there was a witness, the chances of you being caught are slim.

oleras

If you are unknown to the victim, you would never be a suspect, just shoot them and get rid of the gun. only thing that ever gets someone caught is too many people know, so after "the hit" kill the client. simple really....:eek:

Black Swan

Send them 100 free Big Mac coupons. They eventually eat the Macs. Their arteries plug up, and they have a heart attack or stroke.

humanji

oleras wrote:

If you are unknown to the victim, you would never be a suspect, just shoot them and get rid of the gun. only thing that ever gets someone caught is too many people know, so after "the hit" kill the client. simple really....:eek:

Correction, after the hit, get you money, THEN kill the client!

oleras

humanji wrote:

Correction, after the hit, get you money, THEN kill the client!

Dont you know anything about "hits"......money up front !!! hehehe

DonJose

Invite victim out for a piss up, tell victim "drinks are all on me." Somehow end up "lost" in Mayo, park outside Padraig Nally's house and tell drunken victim, "go in there and ask for directions"

Splinter

humanji wrote:

Jelly?

death by jelatine... (sp??) excellent...

Terry

Watch every episode of murder she wrote and then kill jessica fletcher.

Kintarō Hattori

OP - Your not actually planning on killing someone are you and just saying that it's all hypothetical, are you????

c - 13

eo980 wrote:

OP - Your not actually planning on killing someone are you and just saying that it's all hypothetical, are you????

Of course ...

< _ <
> _ >

dont be silly

Splinter

sledgehammer to the crotch should be enough to kill anyman....

Snickers Man

Hasn't a Mr Simpson written a book on this very subject recently?

Seemed to work for him.

Trinity

A form of potassium poisoning. Its hard to trace cos the body has it anyway and Potassium chloride stops the heart so if they were not thorough in the post mortem, they would assume it was sudden heart failure, not unheard of these days in younger people.

Would help if they already have track marks if you were going to inject it but if they didnt, um i havent thought that far ahead about my murder plans.

Terry

Snickers man wrote:

Hasn't a Mr Simpson written a book on this very subject recently?

Yep.

lots of links.

I believe the tv show was cancelled because of the controversial nature.

spudington16

c - 13 wrote:

Myself, I think the best way is to drown the person in a bath of seawater then transport the body to the coast, up some cliffs in the dead of night and dump the body off the cliffs into the sea.
Assuming they dont hit any rocks under the surface there will be no bruises. It could be a while before the body is found. The cause of death is still drowning and the water in the lungs is still seawater.

Therefore cause of death looks accidental.[/SIZE]

Although I love the originality, besides how unlikely it is that the corpse wouldn't hit rocks on the way down, if forensics found you the traces of saltwater in your bathtub could be very hard to explain away...

Personally my scenario would be to lure him to a cliff, use some elaborate pit-style means of capturing him, drowning him in a lot of bleach (saves time on subsequent clean-up operations) and then dump him/her over the cliff. If the bleach doesn't deal with the evidence, the sea water should certainly do that trick!

(For the record, I'm not homicidal; I just have an overactive imagination...)

Miguel_Sanchez

Tie person to chair. Put Razorlight CD on repeat. Watch person die from boredom.

The perfect crime!

Muuwwwaaahhhhaaahhhaaaaa!!!!!

Alkers

Why drop 'em off a cliff, bring them out a few hundred miles and dump 'em in the sea.

Katykaboom

Jeff_Lebowski wrote:

Tie person to chair. Put Razorlight CD on repeat. Watch person die from boredom.

The perfect crime!

Muuwwwaaahhhhaaahhhaaaaa!!!!!

OR!!!!!

lock them in a room leave them untied and they will eventually commit suicide so they wont have to listen to that obnoxious twat anymore.

Another thing you could do is, kidnap victim, get a picture of thier family/children tell them if they dont blow thier own head off you will kill their family.

Robbo

eo980 wrote:

OP - Your not actually planning on killing someone are you and just saying that it's all hypothetical, are you????

And in a few months time, there can be a "hypothetical" thread about an "imaginary friend" on Legal Issues.

Personally, I'd just wear an ill fitting glove and murder in the usual manner. If the glove does not fit, you must acquit. Easy.

I also get the bonus of a police car chase along the M50.

The_Minister

I still like CSI's meat bullet. That would be cool.

Personally, I would dump their body in the sea, wrapped in shicken wire, and weighed down with stones.

c - 13

Yeah but didnt mythbusters prove that wouldnt work ?

The_Minister

c - 13 wrote:

Yeah but didnt mythbusters prove that wouldnt work ?

Did they? Thank God you told me
/phones butchers


looks like its back to a sack of doorknobs for me.