Let's Sunset The Jargon

PullMyFinger!

'Let's Sunset The Jargon'


Office workers who use phrases such as "blue sky thinking" and "singing from the same hymn sheet" are being urged to drop the jargon.

A survey of 1,600 staff revealed the best and worst phrases as well as the "downright ugly" which are guaranteed to be a huge turn-off for colleagues.

The essential buzzwords for this year include "thought grenade", meaning an explosive good idea, and "let's sunset that", meaning a bad idea will never see the light of day, said recruitment firm Office Angels.

Worst phrases included "thinking outside the box" and "park that thought" as well as the now hated blue sky thinking.

Staff also came up with the ugliest phrases.

They include "getting down with the kids", which means trying to interact with junior staff, "open up your kimono", which translates as putting your cards on the table, and "let's raise the anchor and let this one drift", which means forgetting about a bad idea.

"Jargon is an inevitable part of office life and it's interesting to see it evolve as new cultural influences and technological influences redefine how we speak," said Office Angels' David Clubb.

"However, while trendy jargon may be used as a shortcut, clear, simple communication will never go out of fashion.

"My advice, if in doubt, drop the jargon and simply say what you mean."

Whats the worst business buzz word or phrase you've heard?

I think "pro-active" is used far too often, gets on my tits!

NextSteps

Cascading and grandfathering. Very irritating

TequilaMockingBird

Team.
I am not a "team".
I am here for the money.
Stop it.

iremex

wasnt andrew maxwell on the panel last nite coming up with that tripe?

a co-worker uses "they dont know us from a bar of soap".

irk words for me are
1. meeting setups = cold calling
2. best of breed
3. time management
4. cycles, processes, deployments, consolidate.


admittingly there would be some issues with trying to work without the above.

worst is "singing from the same hymn sheet". hear it 2-3 times a week

Pherekydes

"Going forward..."

What other direction can it go?

"Joined up thinking..."


Zzzzzzzzzzz

c - 13

Its all about the synergy at the end of the day

manonthemoon

Useless c***

As in "You are a useless ****"

I dont like that one

connundrum

Brain Storming.

Fcuk off!

Oh and as mentioned already.. Consolidate.

Consolidate me arse!

seamus

I work in IT, where I'm fairly sure we get the worst ones because companies can make up any old phrases to describe fairly standard things;
"Solution Landscape"
"Business Process Procedure"
As well as a raft of abbreviations, TCO, SMI, ICI, ITIS etc etc.

stevejazzx

or as someone said to me recently

'you have to be proactive man not reactive'

to which I replied

isn't proactive man a comic book hero?

to which he replied

man you're just not playing for the same team

to which i replied

but I'm in game

to which he replied

yeah but not the bigger picture...you gotta get in the bigger

t.w.i.r

I'm missing the bigger picture?

t.w.he.r

yeah you're not delivering the good...and you keep dropping the ball

t.w.i.r

are we still talking about work

t.w.he.r

don't f**k with payroll we're not going to bankroll your downsizable ass much longer

t.wi.r

i want to deliver the goods..i'll even do the dirty laundry...just stop blowing hot and cold with me man...c'mon man even dead cats bounce...I don't wanna lose this thing at the elventh hour, just give me the nod..i can hack it, i'll be just like i was in my heyday...just keep me in the loop here...

t.whe.replied

kudos on the balls of steel..hope you aprreciate the lay of ther land
I'm not just some Monday morning quarterback here I'm giving you this stuff straight up, no holes barred..you've gotta start thinking outside the box from now on, pay the piper and it'll all be gravy ok?
now go get them...go deliver those newspapers!!!

trout

the most popular ones in my place currently are ...

lets pluck the low hanging fruit (easily achievable goals)

make sure we are all on message (spouting the party line)

and my particular favourite (not!) ... are all our ducks in a row ? (are we of one mind)

irlirishkev

"Going Forward" as a previous poster noted..

What I really hate is when people try to be all professional, and then send you an email with a sentence that contains..

"Please revert back to me when completed"...

WTF???? Buy a dictionary dumbass!

Red Alert

apparently "linking in" is a done thing

cornbb

Hate the jargon? Play Bullsh1t Bingo!

http://www.bull****bingo.net/cards/bull****/

(you need to edit the URL, in case thats not obvious)

Agamemnon

"Brain dump" and "leverage" are used non-stop where I work. It also annoys me that IT products are called "solutions", as if not having the product is a problem.

kdouglas

talking about anything "going forward" really gets on my nerves... yes, thank you for clarifying that for me, i thought that we were moving backwards through time!

Red Hand

Feedback

gucci

"you can be really "creative" on this one show us some "wow" and "flare", oh by the way it needs to be made from X material, machined on this machine, only have X number of working surfaces and minimilise materials where possible for cost. "

my reply:"shall me just sketch it on a cigarette box while were at it?"

kizzyr

There are so many to chose from:
Going forward I hate with a passion, it really makes me mad.
Being proactive again hate hate hate it.
Lets cut the dead wood.
No "i" in team / being a team player/ thinking of the team/ seeing the big picture.
Lets push the envelope on this one.
Then there are the emails where you are supposed to read and understand something like this: " Kizzyr: ref our telecon of last a/noon please action below and revert back on same". THAT is the worst.
I hate management speak, I think because I used to work with a real life David Brent and Finchy who also peppered their conversations with " bear with me" and " so to speak" and "as it were". Now I cringe when I hear those phrases and they have crept into everyday speak, even Ray D'Arcy was at it on the radio this morning. :eek:

FlutterinBantam

Hey.. quit stovepiping on this process,step back into the loop and lets look for a green field solution.The bad guys are suiting up and have a game plan to steam roll our D.We need some joined up thinking to roll out this product and the synergy should push us over the gain line.

PullMyFinger!

cornbb wrote:

Hate the jargon? Play Bullsh1t Bingo!

http://www.bull****bingo.net/cards/bull****/

(you need to edit the URL, in case thats not obvious)

Roffle!

Agamemnon

I can hear one of the managers on the phone from where I'm sitting and he's just used the words "checkpointed", "going forward", "get this locked down" and "choke point" in the space of about a minute. What a dickhead.

Ruu_Old

'Push the envelope'. Oh shaddaap!:mad:


Be popular* around the office



*when I say popular, I mean get a hiding

Glowing

kizzyr wrote:

Going forward

Aaaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!

PullMyFinger!

agamemnon wrote:

I can hear one of the managers on the phone from where I'm sitting and he's just used the words "checkpointed", "going forward", "get this locked down" and "choke point" in the space of about a minute. What a dickhead.

How do people in an office environment listen to this crap day in day out without laughing out loud?

Im laughing now and I didnt even hear it first hand



Edit; W0ot! 1500 posts

The Hill Billy

Take a "belt & braces approach" to get "between the soup & the nuts".

Red Alert

we don't do jargon in postgrad

Beruthiel

Lets "think outside the box"
I would gladly do time for murdering any person making the above comment.

joe_chicken

Turning nouns into verbs is fùcking annoying!

"I like what you're saying, but how can we monetize that thought?"

Or adding random vowels onto the end of words to make them sound smarter:

"We really need some dynamification of our thoughtologies!"

Fùck off!

Stephen

The "please revert" people piss me right off. Revert? What? Do you mean reply or follow up or something? ffs.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Worked with a guy who kept reverting to French in Delboy style.

"So will you liase with Steve on that one?"
No, but I'll talk to him if you want

"Is that au fait with everyone?"
Everything except the au fait bit...

"So shall we rondez back here apres two?"
What you do in your spare time....

connundrum

'Self starter'

What the fcuk is a self starter then??

Apparently to work in sales, you need to be a self starter. Holy God :mad:

Tar.Aldarion

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

"Is that au fait with everyone?"
Everything except the au fait bit...

Au fait is commonly used in English too...
Guess he just bested you there.

PullMyFinger!

Ikky Poo2 wrote:

Worked with a guy who kept reverting to French in Delboy style.

"So will you liase with Steve on that one?"
No, but I'll talk to him if you want

"Is that au fait with everyone?"
Everything except the au fait bit...

"So shall we rondez back here apres two?"
What you do in your spare time....

Lmao

You're winding us up surely?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Au fait is commonly used in English too...
Guess he just bested you there.

Not in every fourth sentence, it isn't

dSTAR

Win-Win situation

What a load of twaddle. Someone always loses.

Silverfish

I did a bad thing.

My boss uses all of these, all the time, every day, several times a day, non stop.

It drives me mad. So last week, I was making a suggestion, and just for the purpose of taking the piss out of him, said

'Let's run this up the flagpole and see if the cat licks it'


I've now heard him say it eight times since. I could shoot myself.

PullMyFinger!

Silverfish wrote:

I've now heard him say it eight times since. I could shoot myself.

Ah yes but do you have the bandwidth to do this?

Jimoslimos

Growth strategy
focused
in it together

and any sentence beginning with "Lets...":mad: How about being f****n honest and say "I'm your boss and i expect you to waste your time and energy with my latest badly thought out idea"

imeatingchips

going forward
going forward
going forward
going forward
going forward
going forward
going forward
going forward
going forward

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FFFFFF**** OFFFFFFF!!!!! going forward me hole

imeatingchips

and a boards one that really does my head in is

meh

whoever says that should be clattered

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

meh...
*ducks and runs*

Terry

imeatingchips wrote:

and a boards one that really does my head in is

meh

whoever says that should be clattered

I use that in real life.

BRING IT OOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!111!

dib

Solutions. I hate solutions. I work for a large convenience store head office and I constantly hear them talking about "meal solutions". It's not a ****ing equation. I'm hungry, I eat. I don't need a log book and calculator every time I walk to the ****ing deli!! AAAAGH!!

Going forward is also quite irksome.

youcancallmeal

Some I have unfortunately been subjected to:

"Let me me give you the top floor view here people."

"paradigm shift"

"the hero is just a sandwich."

I have no idea what the second two even mean

PullMyFinger!

youcancallme>al wrote:

"the hero is just a sandwich."

You're joking surely?

The Hill Billy

youcancallme>al wrote:

I have no idea what the second two even mean

You need to close the loop on that.



And as for "Socialize" to mean "speak with" or "tell" - A project manager asked me recently if I had "socialized" certain things amongst the project team.

To wit, I replied "What?! Do ya mean tell the lads? For fcuks sake - why didn't you just say that? Socialize my b0ll0cks!"

Agamemnon

youcancallme>al wrote:

"the hero is just a sandwich."

I have no idea what the second two even mean

According to here, it's a "phrase used to emphasize the importance of being a team player. Often preceded or followed by there's no I in team."

Robbo

"Bear with me".

I never know if they're actually terrified in the presence of a grizzly and are trying to get me to summon help or they just plan on being unbearable.

muckwarrior

Going forward we need to action this item.

Please revert.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Hill Billy wrote:

You need to close the loop on that.



And as for "Socialize" to mean "speak with" or "tell" - A project manager asked me recently if I had "socialized" certain things amongst the project team.

To wit, I replied "What?! Do ya mean tell the lads? For fcuks sake - why didn't you just say that? Socialize my b0ll0cks!"

For ****'s sake, Hillbilly! The man has just given you a crate-blanche (sorry, remembering my non-French ex-suerpvisor again) excuse to drag the lads down the pub and tell them over a pint!!!

"Oh, sorry - when you said 'socialise with the lads', I thought you meant...."