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Noone likes her!

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    #32
    craichoe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,706 ✭✭✭craichoe


    Ah man, that won't last, don't worry about it, believe me, he is more than aware of this controlling crap. Make it apparent that you don't like her, just don't talk to her.

    Depending on how long the relationship has been going on, i bet she'll turn around and say shes met someone else, the sooner he's shot of her the better.

    If he's cheated on her it suggests he really aware of the problems in their relationship and the sex is crap.


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    #33
    Kell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    craichoe wrote:
    and the sex is crap.

    Not necessarily. Lots of women/blokes have great sex with really hot partners and still get jollies elsewhere. Getting your jollies elsewhere is symptomatic of an underlying problem with the relationship not necessarily with the sex.

    K-


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    #34
    Shelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 919 ✭✭✭Shelli


    OK, here is the truth form the other side.

    I was the controlling GF, I did all the things you said, I was totally over bearing and had my boyfriend under the thumb, totally, his mates said it, my mates said it, all jokingly of course, but the truth was it was exactly the way they joked about it. Sad, very sad. Looking back, I still dont know why I was like that, I wasn't happy, thats for sure, and the more he let me control things the worse I got. I only wish a friend of his had said something to him, (or a friend of mine to me for that matter), we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble and wasted time.

    We could have both either decided what we had was worth working on and trying to bring it back to an equal relationship or decided that it was time to call it a day before it got any worse (which it did, and it will if nothing is said).

    In the end I ended up resanting him and him me, and it took us a long time to even be civil to each other after the break up.


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    #35
    koneko
    Registered Users Posts: 10,304 ✭✭✭✭koneko


    Could be two sides to this story. She sounds like a bitch but really you're not in the relationship so there could be more to it. Maybe she's acting like that because she knows he keeps cheating on her.

    If an opportunity comes up (in the pub or wherever) to ask him if he's happy, then go for it, but at the end of the day there isn't much you can do to force her out of his life, it's his life after all and he might be happy. Just let him know you're interested in how things are going and that you can listen if he wants to talk, and support whatever decision he wants to make. Sometimes even when you tell people things... they won't listen, and have to realise it themselves before they'll change.


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    #36
    craichoe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,706 ✭✭✭craichoe


    Kell wrote:
    Not necessarily. Lots of women/blokes have great sex with really hot partners and still get jollies elsewhere. Getting your jollies elsewhere is symptomatic of an underlying problem with the relationship not necessarily with the sex.

    K-

    Bollocks, If shes pretending to be tired and arsing off to bed that early and hes not even tired then the sex is crap, period


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    #37
    LundiMardi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭LundiMardi


    craichoe wrote:
    Bollocks, If shes pretending to be tired and arsing off to bed that early and hes not even tired then the sex is crap, period
    You really seem to not have a clue, so please refrain from posting 'bollocks'.

    Your Sincerely,
    Me.


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    #38
    Trishy2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭Trishy2


    Hi :)

    First of all, I would like to say I know how you feel and I think a lot of people do. In my experience (which isn't the definitive truth I guess) - don't say it. I am a girl who lived with 3 guys in a really cool house when I moved to Dublin first and one of them was going out with a really horrible girl. She sounds just like Jen - I'm even wondering is it the same girl you're talking about!

    The rest of us in the house really hated her. She was demanding, she told him what to do, when to do it and who to do it with. She was jealous and possessive beyond reason. I used to get upset once in a while when we were out and drunk (my own issue) and he would try to help and one night I got very upset (I was going through a bad time) and he apologised and said unfortunately he couldn't help me as his 'Jen' had told him she didnt like that he did that for me and she wouldn't allow it anymore.

    It was the last straw. I did tell him what I and the rest of us thought of her. I told him how she was controlling him and how she wasn't a nice person - I told him how horrible she was when he wasn't there. Me being the only girl, I bore the brunt of it. I had come to the end of my tether and felt it was the right thing to do - he was a good guy, we all felt the same, I felt I was justified in saying it to him and I was doing it for his benefit (as well as our sanity!!)

    It didn't work.

    In fact it made things worse. When you tell someone you don't like the person they are going out with, they will in my experience continue to see them almost 'to spite you' - or at least to prove you wrong. That's what happened in this case. We all had to move out cause we couldn't stick her any more. That was almost 2 years ago, and they are still together and 'happier' than ever.

    In the end, if your friend wants to be with this girl then he will be, regardless of what you say (sadly, no matter how good a friend you are). I think what you have to do is support him. Otherwise, imagine if they do get married? He will be thinking always 'my best friend doesn't like the love of my life' and he will be loyal to her. If you value him as a friend, I think that unfortunately all you can do is stick by him. Try to highlight subtly to him the times that she is being unreasonable - without b!tching about her.

    Sorry I have been rambling - I tend to do that! I hope this is some help to you. I know how you feel and it's so frustrating. But as his friend, you just have to respect any decisions he makes, stick by him and be there for him if things go wrong.

    Good luck! :)


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    #39
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'His relationship is his business, it's really not your place to get involved.

    Though as someone observed, his behavior is his choice. If you feel he's neglecting your friendship, then I think you have an issue between him and you that you should raise with him. Just don't drag the girlfriend into it. If that's the real source of the problem, then he can draw his own conclusions.'


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    #40
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    URRGGHHH! wrote:

    Now, dirk wont say this, but Jen has a nack for not letting him do anything. Hes not allowed to go out to a pub without her, he has to ask her permission to hang out with me.

    Why are so many women like this????

    I know of four guys over the last 3-4 years who have had this trouble with the girlfriends. They can't see their mates, they can't stay out at night. They can only go out if she wants to go out etc.

    I have a very good friend who is now married to one of these freak shows!
    • She goes through is bank statements to see where he is spending money.
    • He doesn't earn enough money for her.
    • He is not allowed to socialise with his work colleagues.
    • He has to tell his boss not to take on any more females for work experience.
    • He must not sit in view of female work colleagues.
    • As he is now married it is inappropriate to hang out with single friends.

    I told him before he got married that she was an irrational, unreasonable, controlling b1tch! He almost agreed with me but went ahead and married the cow anyway!

    But now I can see him starting to regret marrying this girl big time. The marriage will (Hopefully) end soon and I will get my friend back!


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    #41
    nobodythere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,349 ✭✭✭nobodythere


    Why do you think he stays with her if you were to really examine it?

    If it were a guy trying to put his woman on a leash like that she wouldn't tolerate it.


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    #42
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    Actually what I forgot to say in my earlier post is that one of my BIGGEST regrets is not grabbing my friend and pulling him out of his house, away from that girl and screaming at him "DONT MARRY HER" and buying him a pint!

    He is a stubborn fecker and may or may not have listened to me! I already told him but I was polite about it and he didn't listen!

    The marriage is clearly not going to last and what makes it worse is that there is a baby on the way! So he will loose everything!

    My point is say something and say it NOW! I don't believe this "if your a friend say nothing" crap! If your a good friend you will not want to see your friend abused (and thats what it is), hurt by this person.


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    #43
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I think the OP should say anything he likes, I think he's fighting a loosing battle tho...

    Rather than asking why there are so many controlling women, you could ask why there are so many weak men who obviously quite enjoy being controlled? :p

    And all you guys dying to have your pals back to play with - what happens when you get g/fs/wives/families of your own? I don't know any happily married man or woman who WANTS to spend lots of time out with their pals when their main priority/ies & the people they love most in the world, are their new family. I agree some women are too controlling & some men are very weak but the bottom line is most people (unless they intend on being one of those bar-prop batchelors) move on into long-term relationships/marriage & old friendships will take a back seat...I think it's just a natural progression & everyone I know has, at some stage, been a singleton/bf/gf that's been a bit left behind as folks start moving in together or getting married or they have been that friend thats moved on to the next stage of life. *shrug*

    I know a few guys who point at their partner & say they are not allowed to do X, Y or Z - or they let their friends think it's all down to the missus - rather than admitting they would actually prefer to go out with their partner or spend time at home than go out with their old pals...


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    #44
    craichoe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,706 ✭✭✭craichoe


    LundiMardi wrote:
    You really seem to not have a clue, so please refrain from posting 'bollocks'.

    Your Sincerely,
    Me.

    Nope, have a clue, and you have no idea of how much of a clue, the sex is crap.

    Its also,

    "Yours Sincerely"

    Link for your convenience
    http://www.englishlearner.com/tests/test.html


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    #45
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    craichoe the next spammy off topic comment I see from you anywhere in PI you are getting a 1 months ban.


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    #46
    ferdi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,598 ✭✭✭ferdi


    i'm sorry, i know he's your friend, but dirk sounds like an idiot - she wont ' let' him go out without her?! jenny sounds like a wagon. tell him how you feel, you've been friends for 13 years+, if he cant handle the truth, well at least you can say you did what you thought was best for him/
    py2006 wrote:
    My point is say something and say it NOW! I don't believe this "if your a friend say nothing" crap! If your a good friend you will not want to see your friend abused (and thats what it is), hurt by this person.
    quoted for truth


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