Handshakes

Pighead

Pigheads not a big fan of handshakes. But I've now arrived at that age where every fcuker I meet expects to press the flesh.

As a kid when I seen my buddies I'd wrestle them to the ground and pull their underpants up to their neck as a form of greeting. As a teenager a very slight unsmiling nod sufficed. But over the last few years whenever I meet up with friends they've suddenly started to extend a smelly dirty hand in my direction. Not impressed.

When Pighead meets somebody new he tends to look the other person square in the eye, flash them a dazzling smile and give a quick manly nod while saying, Lovely to meet you'". The whole handshaking thing is too much pressure, is my hand sweaty, how firm should my grip be, where have his ands just been etc etc.

There are many reasons why Pighead would love to be a chick but the main one would probably be the way they don't have to go through the handshake torture routine.

So are there any shakers here?




EDIT: I think of handshaking as traditionally a male thing - it would be good to get womens views too

joe_chicken

I don't mind handshakes so much...

It's the bastards who grab you by the fingers and squeeze as hard as they can, that annoy me

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

EDIT: I think of handshaking as traditionally a male thing

Why would you think that?
If I meet someone for the first time I tend to shake their hand, I always judge them on how limp their shake is

gucci

a mate of mine (who isnt renowned for his thoughts or philosophical approach to life) one said to me, "how many people go to mass on a sunday morning& never wash they're hands,think of all the riding,ball-scratching,arse scratching etc that has went on night before....imagine alll them germs!"

thus ended me going to mass and also parkating in meet and greet handshaking with everyone and anyone

The Hill Billy

Beruthiel wrote:

Why would you think that?
If I meet someone for the first time I tend to shake their hand, I always judge them on how limp their shake is

There's nothing worse than a limp handshake. It completely turns me off people who otherwise appear to be quite nice.

To anyone out there with a handshake like a week-old mackerel:
Goddamnit people - Put some effort into it!

petes

In bogland a nod is all that is required. In work its a different story. Firm handshake. Thread reminds me I think of Trigger Happy TV, where he had to shake hands with someone for as long as he could. It was this or some other program like it.

Its worse when the person just comes out of the toilet and you know this. They extend their hand and you are sure that if you don't shake it they will be insulted.

What do you do? What do you do?

Generally I shake the hand of everyone I meet first. I think it gives across a good first impression.

In bogland a nod is all that is required. In work its a different story. Firm handshake. Thread reminds me I think of Trigger Happy TV, where he had to shake hands with someone for as long as he could. It was this or some other program like it.

I think thats Bonzai or something?

The Sweeper

You envy women because they don't have to do handshakes? You should try the to-air-kissy-or-not-to-air-kissy bollocksology.

c - 13

Deleted User wrote:

I think thats Bonzai or something?

Sure is, Mr. Shake-Hands-Man I think he was later replaced with Mrs. Shake-Hands-Lady.

Nothing worse than a limp handshake, had a meeting witrh the bank yeaterday and the banker had the weakest handshake I have ever come across, doesnt give a good impression of someone you are talking about your money with.

connundrum

Beruthiel wrote:

limp shake

(sorry, but I lolled)

Handshakes are ok, I do always try to give a firm shake (lol again), cos I really don't want to come across as being uninterested/weaker.

I do hate though when there is confusion about when the handshake should happen. The amount of times I've been left hanging is too sore a point to discuss. Now what I do is wait until someone offers their hand - then I go in with the killer shake!

Another thing that pisses me off is the 'air kissing' of the wimmens. How the hell are you supposed to know when to do that?? A woman would offer her face and then I'd generally make a balls of it but either head-butting her or missing her face altogether.

We should all just politely nod at each other. End of story

Pherekydes

When I met my current better half, the first thing we did was a good firm handshake. She went right up in my estimation right there. Nothing like a good firm handshake, although a guy I used work with took this to extremes: I'm sure I'll hear (my) bones crunch one of these days.

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote:

Why would you think that?
If I meet someone for the first time I tend to shake their hand, I always judge them on how limp their shake is

And Pigheads hopes and dreams are broken and shattered upon the realisation that his internet sweetheart is in fact a lesbian.

Archeron

Deleted User wrote:

Its worse when the person just comes out of the toilet and you know this. They extend their hand and you are sure that if you don't shake it they will be insulted.

What do you do? What do you do?

See. THIS is exactly the reason why I wear rubber gloves everywhere I go, and feck the begrudgers (with their germ covered paws)

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

And Pigheads hopes and dreams are broken and shattered upon the realisation that his internet sweetheart is in fact a lesbian.

Whatever works for ya piggie

Degsy

Beruthiel wrote:

Why would you think that?
If I meet someone for the first time I tend to shake their hand, I always judge them on how limp their shake is

Ya didnt shake my hand when i met ya at the beers!!

Pighead

gucci wrote:

a mate of mine (who isnt renowned for his thoughts or philosophical approach to life) one said to me, "how many people go to mass on a sunday morning& never wash they're hands,think of all the riding,ball-scratching,arse scratching etc that has went on night before....imagine alll them germs!"

thus ended me going to mass and also parkating in meet and greet handshaking with everyone and anyone

Too bloody right buddy, and what about those people who feel compelled to shake children by the end. Why not go the whole hog and lick a germ ridden petri dish. Gives Pighead the shivers just thinking about it. (Why isn't there a shiver smiley?)

Beruthiel

Degsy wrote:

Ya didnt shake my hand when i met ya at the beers!!

I was more talking about in a professional setting
or
with people who actually count....

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote:

Whatever works for ya piggie

Are you telling me that upon meeting a friend of yours you shake their hand. Do you not find this unusual? Surely you agree that handshaking is generally a male driven thing.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

You envy women because they don't have to do handshakes? You should try the to-air-kissy-or-not-to-air-kissy bollocksology.

Please tell me this isn't happening outside of Hollywood. Do girls actually do this?

Degsy

Beruthiel wrote:

I was more talking about in a professional setting
or
with people who actually count....

Bah!You just knew how powerfullmy handshake was gonna be and how you would have quaked in your boots!:D

Pighead

connundrum wrote:

We should all just politely nod at each other. End of story

Or if people think thats too informal how about we just rub bums? No chance of germs, easy to perform and a cheap thrill to boot.

emeraldstar

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

You envy women because they don't have to do handshakes? You should try the to-air-kissy-or-not-to-air-kissy bollocksology.

yea and then there's the: should i air-kissy on one side only? or do both cheeks? and then there's those continental types who arrive and do both sides twice...even on first meeting you, sometimes while holding/shaking your hand at the same time :eek:

tis all rather confusing....

kizzyr

Pighead wrote:

Are you telling me that upon meeting a friend of yours you shake their hand. Do you not find this unusual? Surely you agree that handshaking is generally a male driven thing.


Please tell me this isn't happening outside of Hollywood. Do girls actually do this?

Regrettably many do and I hate it.......so don't do it. I am however a big fan of the handshake and always and ever judge people on the quality of their handshake, detest limp clammy hand shake *shudders in disgust*.

Degsy

Pighead wrote:

Or if people think thats too informal how about we just rub bums? No chance of germs, easy to perform and a cheap thrill to boot.

Or crotch bumping,fully clothed or otherwise.

WhizzGDK

I lived in spain for a few years, there you have to kiss everyone, man or woman, 3 times on alternating cheeks begining with your right. I takes a bit of practice, for the first few months i was constantly going for the wrong side and face butting people. very embarasing if its a guy as it looks like you are trying to kiss them on the lips.

there is one benifit however, If a woman is interested in you she will press her boobs against you, (always fun) and in return if you like the lady you put your hand on her waist and pull her in a little.
Very helpful to know who is interested on sight. and very nice when getting introduced to a group of women, the whole procedure can take a while if there is 2 groups of 5 or 6 meeting up. lol, and especially fun on the beach!!!

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

Are you telling me that upon meeting a friend of yours you shake their hand.

No I don't, unless they are french, then it's a two cheek kiss thingie, cos that's what they do over there.
Other than that I just say hello.
I tend to give a hug goodbye though, by then I'm usually drunk and happy to give everyone hugs goodbye.

connundrum

Degsy wrote:

Or crotch bumping,fully clothed or otherwise.

Bum or crotch bumping would be fine.

Connundrum: Hi, I'll be your new boss. We should probably bump crotches now.
New Employee: I think I've made a mistake in coming here.

Whatever it is, as long as hi-fiving doesn't become the industry standard, I'll be happy.

Pighead

connundrum wrote:

Whatever it is, as long as hi-fiving doesn't become the industry standard, I'll be happy.

Its a shame Top-Hats aren't fashionable amongst the general public. The classic hat lift was a magnificent way to greet people. Elegant classy and ever so grand. Hopefully Top Hats will be big in 2007.
(As an aside who the fcuk decided to make leopardskin fashionable again, absolutely horrible)

petes

Pighead wrote:

Its a shame Top-Hats aren't fashionable amongst the general public. The classic hat lift was a magnificent way to greet people. Elegant classy and ever so grand. Hopefully Top Hats will be big in 2007.
(As an aside who the fcuk decided to make leopardskin fashionable again, absolutely horrible)

Get one of these. Still used to give the nod.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Pighead

petes wrote:

Get one of these. Still used to give the nod.

To be honest Pigheads looking for the elgant dapper look rather than the smelly old man look. Heres what I had in mind.

http://www.digitalfocus.net/slides/Top%20Hat.jpg

Oh to be a Chap in a Hat.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Pighead

The Scientist wrote:

404 error: File not found

strange hat alright.


T.Sc.

Thanks for pointing that out The Smarmytist. Much obiged. Good day sir. /tips hat.

Owen

In the job I hold, we do regular training to keep interpersonal skills strong. Top of the agenda is Body Language, and the psychology surrounding it. A perfect handshake is :

Firm grip.
Eye contact.
Smile.
Warm words of greeting.
No shorter than 1 second.
No longer than 1.5 seconds.

I can only imagine the amount of money spent researching this ... :rolleyes:

Pighead

ned78 wrote:

In the job I hold, we do regular training to keep interpersonal skills strong. Top of the agenda is Body Language, and the psychology surrounding it. A perfect handshake is :

Firm grip.
Eye contact.
Smile.
Warm words of greeting.
No shorter than 1 second.
No longer than 1.5 seconds.

I can only imagine the amount of money spent researching this ... :rolleyes:

See this is the type of crap Pigheads talking about. No wonder I never remember anybodies name.

Its the whole shock of suddenly being gripped by a complete stranger, coupled with thoughts of germs, noticing the greasy palms, and worrying about my own handshaking performance (did I shake hard enough? too hard? do I look uncomfortable?) How the fcuk am I supposed to remember somebodies name with all that crap rushing through my system.

People say losing your virginity is nervewracking, fcuk that, the handshake pisses all over that.

Beruthiel

Beruthiel wrote:

I was more talking about in a professional setting
or
with people who actually count....

I remember you shook my hand, I thought it was a very nice and made a good first impression:)

Faith

I judge people on their handshakes too. I hate weak ones!

I never put my hand out first. I'll shake if someone puts theirs out, but that's it.

When I was staying in France before, they had a three kiss system, but it was different with children... I never got the hang of it.

NeMiSiS

Being introduced to people who you suddenly realise are more drunk than you expected, and they try shake your hand for about 3 or 4 minutes, so you end up holding some guys hand .. why couldn't they just have asked for a reach around ?

Other than that I see no real problem with shaking someones hand, unless it they shake limply and with vague interest in you, in which case I will pretty much instantly walk away.

I do likethe idea of the top hat though, but peoples manners have gone so bad these days, I can't imagine it working out. Poeple don't even remove their hats inside, or while talking to a lady!

TK

Pighead

Faith wrote:

I never put my hand out first. I'll shake if someone puts theirs out, but that's it.

When Pighead was at his Tuesday night Etiquette class he was told that the higher-ranking person should always extend his or her hand upon introduction-- socially this means women before men, (unless your a King or a Pope or President), and the greater age and more exalted positions before the younger and less significant.

So basically Faith,if you consider yourself a lady, you should always put your hand out first.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Pighead wrote:

See this is the type of crap Pigheads talking about. No wonder I never remember anybodies name.

Who is "I"?

In-a my country, do small kiss on both cheeks. Nice! With women, we sometimes make sexy time - Very nice!!

Degsy

Beruthiel wrote:

No I don't, unless they are french, then it's a two cheek kiss thingie, cos that's what they do over there.
Other than that I just say hello.
I tend to give a hug goodbye though, by then I'm usually drunk and happy to give everyone hugs goodbye.

Never got a hug neither hmmph!

Pighead

Degsy wrote:

Never got a hug neither hmmph!

Back off degsy. Go find your own internet sex kitten.

Beruthiel

Degsy wrote:

Never got a hug neither hmmph!

Again,
may I refer you to my earlier comment regarding "those who count"
that goes for you too Piggie

humbert

judging someone by the quality of a handshake is one of the stupidest things I've heard in quite a while. hate them too, this need to make contact upon meeting is rather ape-like imo.

Owen

humbert wrote:

judging someone by the quality of a handshake is one of the stupidest things I've heard in quite a while. hate them too, this need to make contact upon meeting is rather ape-like imo.

You know, to us Irish, it seems stupid. My girlfriend is Polish, and any time we meet any of her friends, we all shake hands, and again on the goodbye, it's actually quite nice!

Faith

humbert wrote:

judging someone by the quality of a handshake is one of the stupidest things I've heard in quite a while.

Spoken by somebody who's just realised that he has a weak handshake!

petes

Why do we shake with our right hand?

Pighead

petes wrote:

Why do we shake with our right hand?

Handshaking supposedly developed as a way of ensuring that a person's right hand did not have a sword in it. As far as Pighead can see there isn't too many swords about today(Tallaght, Crumlin and Limerick excluded) so perhaps it is time once and for all to ditch this aged form of etiquette.

Owen

Pighead wrote:

Handshaking supposedly developed as a way of ensuring that a person's right hand did not have a sword in it. As far as Pighead can see there isn't too many swords about today(Tallaght, Crumlin and Limerick excluded) so perhaps it is time once and for all to ditch this aged form of etiquette.

Driving on the left developed because of the need to cross swords with the right hand. Hand shaking happens with the right hand simply because the majority of people are right handed, the stronger arm leading to a stronger handshake.

I don't think for one minute it's an aged form of etiquette. We're in an age where personal contact with others is limited, almost non-existent. I think a handshake is a good way to bond with strangers who have just become new acquaintances.

Degsy

petes wrote:

Why do we shake with our right hand?

Scouts specifically use a left handshake. Since the right hand is more commonly dominant, the left hand would typically be used in holding a shield; by shaking with the left hand, one is defenseless while trusting the other person who may still be holding a weapon in thier hand.However dont ever offer your left hand to a muslim as thats the "unclean" hand,traditonally used for "ablutions".

humbert

ned78 wrote:

You know, to us Irish, it seems stupid. My girlfriend is Polish, and any time we meet any of her friends, we all shake hands, and again on the goodbye, it's actually quite nice!

I'd a polish gf who would insist on hugging every time we met, I don't mind displaying affection when I feel it but squeezing some stranger's clammy hand...no thanks.

Degsy

Beruthiel wrote:

Again,
may I refer you to my earlier comment regarding "those who count"
that goes for you too Piggie

Be carefull of the toes you step on..they may be connected to the arse you one day have to kiss!!;)