Girlfriend has never given oral sex

Podge29

I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 2 years now. The trouble is she's never given me oral sex.
Is this normal? Any other girl i've been with has had no problem with this.
Should i say something or just carry on regardless. Other than this our sex life is good.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Have you tried mentioning it to her perhaps??

Noelie

Ask her, perhaps she doesn't like doing it?

Ruu_Old

Some girls like it, others don't I guess. Have a chat with her by all means but be understanding if she doesn't wish to try it. If she is scared, guide her a bit and help each other out.

fade2black

If it was me I'd be saying do it, or pack your bags. But hey, that's just me.

Pighead

Have you given her oral sex? Perhaps she is making a point.

LegacyUser

Have you presented it? From my experience, all ladies are just mad to suck knob.

craichoe

Ask her if she would like to watch a porno with you

Don't get anything too hardcore though ..

Noelie

It's a bit hard(sorry for that) to get porn that isn't too hardcore

craichoe

Anything on Sky or the Playboy channel is Softcore.

Theres nothing on it like Anal Assault #4 or Fisting Firemen 7

Talliesin

Right, your sex life is good, so you'll be happy enough without oral sex - it's not something you've got raised to the point of a fetish so that you'd be forever hankering for it if you didn't get any.

Your worse case scenario then is that you just don't get any and you're basically still happy. It's good to bear in mind that it's not a crisis for you and that you let her know that when you talk to her.

And really, talking to her is what you have to do. If you haven't been going down on her much in the last while then increasing the frequency of that might be a good idea.

Quite a few people really just don't like performing oral sex. If she's such a person you're probably pretty much out of luck, though increasing your general adventurousness in bed will increase the odds she might try to give it a go anyway - not by much, but a bit.

Quite a few people are nervous about the idea of doing certain things in bed, or of doing anything that is new to them. In such a case let her know you're not expecting her to become the blow-job queen of all creation, and that if she tries but once she's started wants to stop there'll be no pressure to keep going (and make sure that promise is true).

Also don't take her giving it a go once as indicative that she'll always be prepared to do so in the future - or even ever again - and let her know you don't have such an expectation.

dudara

Just talk to her, in a nice fashion.

turbot

OK - a few questions:

1) How old are you and she?

2) Are you sure she is confident about giving oral sex... because some girls simply don't know what to do, or are nervous about figuring it out (crazy but true).

3) Have you given her oral sex?

4) Have you done anything else kinky, at all, like tie eachother up, or use ice?

5) I'd say you should convince her she's even sexier and also that you want her to give you a blowjob.

wyndham

69

Lough_Swan

Try talking to her and maybe give her oral sex if you have not already. If you does not like the idea of oral ask her to masturbate you, you can masturbate each other as an alternative. I was a bit turned off by the idea of giving oral at first so its not unusual for her to be for the first time.

John Mason

i reckon you should just dump her - plenty more fish in the sea and all that

Kell

turbot wrote:

4) Have you done anything else kinky,

Oral sex is not kinky. FFS, ideas like that are the reason men dont get enough (good) head. Next you'll be telling us cunnilingus is kinky. Sheez :mad:

OP (wherever you have disappeared to) just talk to her about it. If you draw a blank wall, consider you're alternatives. Some women do, some dont. Some swallow, gurgle or spit. YOU have to decide if its a deal breaker to your relationship.

K-

Talliesin

Kell wrote:

Oral sex is not kinky. FFS, ideas like that are the reason men dont get enough (good) head. Next you'll be telling us cunnilingus is kinky. Sheez :mad:

Kinky is in the eye of the beholder. I certainly wouldn't call it kinky, but I have a high threshold of kinky.

Still, while I'd consider it nearly as vanilla as only ever doing the missionary position and with the lights out, some people disagree. Certainly I've known people who would perform oral sex "if they were in a very kinky mood", but not otherwise.

If the OP's partner does think it's kinky, then that's going to be a factor that our disagreeing with isn't going to change, and his arguing that it isn't kinky really isn't going to help him much.

His starting point in talking to her is that he'd like her to do it, any further than that depends on a lot of things about her feelings on the matter that are hard to second-guess.

Podge29

Thanks for all the replies.

Answering some questions.

1) I'm 23 she's 27

2) She has never given it before i know that - she thinks it's "gross"

3) Yes i have given it to her on a number of occassions and she seems to like it.

4) We haven't been that adventurous in bed but it hasn't bothered me much until now.


I suppose i could ask her - but i don't want to ruin anything - i think i'll probably have to though as its bothering me a bit at the moment.

Darragh29

Podge29 wrote:

3) Yes i have given it to her on a number of occassions and she seems to like it.

Fu*k that mate, your getting the seriously short end of the deal there!

onemanband

Podge29 wrote:

Thanks for all the replies.

Answering some questions.

1) I'm 23 she's 27

Oh **** 27 and never given a blowjob!!

2) She has never given it before i know that - she thinks it's "gross"

You are in big trouble here my friend!

3) Yes i have given it to her on a number of occassions and she seems to like it.

Not fair and selfish on her part!

4) We haven't been that adventurous in bed but it hasn't bothered me much until now.

But it does now and that's the root of the problem.


I suppose i could ask her - but i don't want to ruin anything - i think i'll probably have to though as its bothering me a bit at the moment.

I think you're in big trouble here. If she finds it gross at 27 without ever having done it then I think the chances of her doing a complete U turn and becoming a blow job queen are between slim and none.

Not wishing to be cruel but you have a long life ahead of you. I would not consign myself to a life of boring unadventerous sex with anyone. Even if everything else is great, it's too much of a compromise IMO.

GrumPy

Podge29 wrote:

I'm 23 she's 27

2) She has never given it before i know that - she thinks it's "gross"

3) Yes i have given it to her on a number of occassions and she seems to like it.

Man, she sounds pretty silly tbh, she says it's "gross" yet she has NEVER TRIED IT, and she is 27.

You provide her with oral pleasure, and she refuses to do the same with you, because she thinks it gross? shes never even tried it!

As another poster mentioned, you are deffo getting the shorter end of the stick in this relationship, try talk to her about it.

LundiMardi

Dump her ass!!!!

The Walsho

I wouldn't go as far as to dump her over it tbh, but do try talk to her about it.

Chucky the tree

put it in her mouth while shes asleep.



But seriously, how come its only bothering you know?

Nevyn

Any sexual act where the other person does not or can not consent is at least assult.
Oral sex with out consent under the law is considered rape 2.


Chucky the tree, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Talliesin

Podge29 wrote:

2) She has never given it before i know that - she thinks it's "gross"

Partly good, partly bad. If she'd done it a couple of times and still thought it was "gross" you'd be screwed.

What does she find gross about it? Does she find the very concept gross, or think of penises as "dirty", or something else?

If she thinks of penises as "dirty" then she might find it easier to take tentative first steps while you are showering or bathing - not only will it be particularly clean at the time, but it'll be seen to be clean and there'll be less of a signal from her head saying "dirty".

Does she explore your penis and your body much? Does she play with your penis much? Let your penis be her play thing that she can do what she likes from be it a vigorous handjob or just running her hand along your crotch when she's feeling sexy enough to want to connect with you that way but not necessarily wanting to go any further right then. This would give her the opportunity to move to a nibble or a kiss on her terms and without having to go any further if she didn't want to.

Podge29 wrote:

Yes i have given it to her on a number of occassions and she seems to like it.

This helps. However I disagree with those posters that seem to be suggesting there's a natural tit-for-tat she isn't being fair with. Doing something you both like (whether you like it for itself, or like it because you feel like a better lover doing it, or like her reaction when she cums [or just gets turned on if that's as far as she goes] or whatever) doesn't equate with doing something she currently thinks of as gross.

The fact that you're going down on her and she's enjoying it will help her not think of fellatio as gross, but only help so much.

Podge29 wrote:

We haven't been that adventurous in bed but it hasn't bothered me much until now.

Grand. Sex is not a competitive sport. One of the problems with writings about sex is that those who are adventurous simply have more to write about and that can skew perceptions. You don't have to be doing anything adventurous to be having great sex, indeed some people are so into continually trying new things that they don't get to a comfort level with each other.

Where this can have an affect though is that if you're never trying new thing at all you're less likely to try a particular new (to her) thing.

However, suddenly trying to be more adventurous than you actually want to be or are naturally inclined to be is just going to make things stressful.

Podge29 wrote:

I suppose i could ask her - but i don't want to ruin anything - i think i'll probably have to though as its bothering me a bit at the moment.

Why exactly is it bothering you?

It would be just as okay for you to have felatio as something you really need to get on occassion to feel happy sexually as it is for her to have it as something she doesn't want to do, but obviously that incompatibility is going to be a problem.

If you don't place that much importance on felatio then its not the end of the world if she'll never want to do it. The important thing in this case is that you make sure she knows that it's not the end of the world if she never does it, and doesn't feel pressured. If she does it because she feels pressured (whether you actually are pressuring her, or because the pressure is coming from her own perception of what she needs to do to please you) then it's going to go badly.

As a rule almost every man likes having their penis sucked, but pretty much none of us are going to die if it doesn't happen. Use those two facts in talking to her; on the one hand its not at all unusual for you to want her to do it, but on the other its not at all unusual for her to not want to do it. The thing that'll stop you talking to her about it ending up causing a problem in itself is her realising that you genuinely will accept a "no".

dr.bollocko

More than a blowjob, you need a decent chance to communicate with each other about sex and your sex-lives.
It says a lot that you havent raised the issue with her yet but that it is still an issue for you.
Everyone has a different sex drive and everyone has a line re which sex acts they will and won't partake in. If the other person has a reasonable reason for it, then there isn't much you can do except respect them.
Of course you know you could start with flavoured condoms maybe?

ianmc38

Chucky the tree wrote:

put it in her mouth while shes asleep.



But seriously, how come its only bothering you know?

LOL.

Talliesin

Thaedydal wrote:

Oral sex with out consent under the law is considered rape 2.

Under Irish law it's termed "rape under section 4". The term refers solely to the fact that it's defined by Section 4 of the Criminal Law (Rape) (Ammendment) Act 1990, rather than Section 2 of the Criminal Law (Rape) Act 1981. Beyond that it's not seen as a different or lesser type of rape and carries a maximum penalty of life imprisonment.

Marksie

dr.bollocko wrote:

More than a blowjob, you need a decent chance to communicate with each other about sex and your sex-lives.
It says a lot that you havent raised the issue with her yet but that it is still an issue for you.
Everyone has a different sex drive and everyone has a line re which sex acts they will and won't partake in. If the other person has a reasonable reason for it, then there isn't much you can do except respect them.
Of course you know you could start with flavoured condoms maybe?

I would agree with that and all the other opsters along the same vein (pardon the pun).
The fact that you are frightened of ruining things by talking about it is telling.

Talleisin is righth in that such things are not a tit for tat exercise but part of a natural sharing.
I certainly dont think you should "dump" her because of one sexual act..or lack thereof, but the fact you are beginning to resnt doing it to her and not receiving is beginning to bug you big time..so you will have to talk about it.
She find it "gross".. it is just the thoughts of the unknown, and it can be scarey to some people.

If its an issue with cleanliness, then you could get her to wash you with soap and water..it is quite erotic in itself and overcopmes the cleanliness issue.
But be very supportive and gentle... let her get used to it.. even just hold it and kiss or lick, but not insert. or just the tip but let her go at her own pace..dont show any frustration or disappointment.
If she is admant thaht she doesnt want to do it..accept it and concentrate on teaching and exploring different things.. and be patient.. she will reciprocate in time.

letterman

just start jerking off on her toothbrush, she's soon be conditioned to accept your pearldrops.

Beruthiel

letterman wrote:

just start jerking off on her toothbrush, she's soon be conditioned to accept your pearldrops.

Another comment like that and I'm banning you.
Read this forums Rules and Charter.
B

oulu

Can you live without getting oral sex then no issue, but if you are like me and coul dnot live without receiving oral sex then you have to let her know that could she at least try. how can she say it is gross if she has never tried. time for her to grow up I think, if she trys then does not want to try again then so be it. But if the ? is what should I do if I would love oral sex as part of my sexual life then you have to find a more suitable girl. I read before once that over 80% of Irish women give oral sex so you must be unlucky

LegacyUser

I am engaged to my boyfriend of three years.

I have never given him head and I don't know when I will.

He offers it to me (says he really enjoys doing it) but I generally just have sex with him instead. Fairs fair and all that.

He's never specifically asked for it and I'm not going to offer just yet.

I guess I don't want to play all my cards at once, save something for the wedding night I suppose.

I think I have just heard too many stories from girlfriends who have pretty much done everything sexual in the first three months of a relationship and are "trying to find ways to spice things up"

I also fear he won't respect me. I don't know why this is really.

By the way I am 22, so is he.

I don't know if that gives any insight or what.

You could always try getting her to lick cream off it or something.

dr.bollocko

See what you are doing there is using sex as a currency in the relationship.

oulu

noheadchick wrote:

I am engaged to my boyfriend of three years.

I have never given him head and I don't know when I will.

He offers it to me (says he really enjoys doing it) but I generally just have sex with him instead. Fairs fair and all that.

He's never specifically asked for it and I'm not going to offer just yet.

I guess I don't want to play all my cards at once, save something for the wedding night I suppose.

I think I have just heard too many stories from girlfriends who have pretty much done everything sexual in the first three months of a relationship and are "trying to find ways to spice things up"

I also fear he won't respect me. I don't know why this is really.

By the way I am 22, so is he.

I don't know if that gives any insight or what.

You could always try getting her to lick cream off it or something.

You are a very immaure 22 if you dont mind me saying saving a bj fot the wedding night now thats a new one

LundiMardi

noheadchick wrote:

I am engaged to my boyfriend of three years.

I have never given him head and I don't know when I will.

He offers it to me (says he really enjoys doing it) but I generally just have sex with him instead. Fairs fair and all that.

He's never specifically asked for it and I'm not going to offer just yet.

I guess I don't want to play all my cards at once, save something for the wedding night I suppose.

I think I have just heard too many stories from girlfriends who have pretty much done everything sexual in the first three months of a relationship and are "trying to find ways to spice things up"

I also fear he won't respect me. I don't know why this is really.

By the way I am 22, so is he.

I don't know if that gives any insight or what.

You could always try getting her to lick cream off it or something.

play all your cards at once? You've been with him for 3 YEARS!!!

Are you for real?

LegacyUser

LundiMardi wrote:

play all your cards at once? You've been with him for 3 YEARS!!!

Are you for real?

But we're spending the rest of our lives together?

I don't know really, I suppose a lot is to do with that I've never done it before. plus he is happy with regular sex as we were long distance for a year.

I suppose if he just said will you do it I would consider it but if he ain't asking I'll just keep it for a special occasion.

oulu wrote:

You are a very immaure 22 if you dont mind me saying saving a bj fot the wedding night now thats a new one

I don't see how it is immature.

Talliesin

Nothing wrong with holding onto a few treats IMO as long as:

1. You're both happy where you are now.
2. The "waiting" isn't due to fears or worries about the act or how acceptable the act is (if the thing you're waiting on is something you want to do but aren't sure how well the idea will go down with your other half).

Actual wedding nights tend not to be as big a thing with those who have sex before marriage as you might think though - wedding days are damn tiring for the bride and groom.

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

Nothing wrong with holding onto a few treats IMO as long as:

1. You're both happy where you are now.
2. The "waiting" isn't due to fears or worries about the act or how acceptable the act is (if the thing you're waiting on is something you want to do but aren't sure how well the idea will go down with your other half).

Actual wedding nights tend not to be as big a thing with those who have sex before marriage as you might think though - wedding days are damn tiring for the bride and groom.

Yeah so I can give him a little prize when he's just ready to drop...

Anyway I doubt this is helping the oringinal poster

myjugsarehuge

Podge29 you sound like the perfect boyfriend, I wish you could get yourself down here, so to speak I'd return the favour no problem.

Beruthiel

myjugsarehuge wrote:

Podge29 you sound like the perfect boyfriend, I wish you could get yourself down here, so to speak I'd return the favour no problem.

Take your flirting to PM.
B

John Mason

noheadchick wrote:

I am engaged to my boyfriend of three years.

I have never given him head and I don't know when I will.

He offers it to me (says he really enjoys doing it) but I generally just have sex with him instead. Fairs fair and all that.

He's never specifically asked for it and I'm not going to offer just yet.

I guess I don't want to play all my cards at once, save something for the wedding night I suppose.

I think I have just heard too many stories from girlfriends who have pretty much done everything sexual in the first three months of a relationship and are "trying to find ways to spice things up"

I also fear he won't respect me. I don't know why this is really.

By the way I am 22, so is he.

I don't know if that gives any insight or what.

You could always try getting her to lick cream off it or something.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO-SENSE WHATSOEVER

LegacyUser

I think i'll join the revolution with podge and just ask for it....
going out with my gf for 14 months and ive never got it.
Enough is enough.

Ph3n0m

jesus....so much hassle and worry over what is really (nowadays) not that big of a deal.

if your other half is into - fine, if they aint - there is no point pressuring them into, cause they will just resent you for it. I'm all for discussion but at the end of the day it is their decision - whether you go down on them or not.

And for those who say its not fair that he goes down and she doesnt - it aint a barter situation, you do things in bed that you enjoy and want to do, just putting out for the sake of putting out.

Otherwise you become a very shallow person in my eyes.

LegacyUser

My boyfriend had never given a girl oral before me. We were together a year and, after giving him many, many blowjobs, I dropped hints ranging from subtle ("oh look, a softcore porn film where that girl's getting a licking, that works for me") to the not-so-subtle ("lick me, lick me, lick me!"). I'm older than him so I just though just he was afraid of looking inexperienced.

As it turned out, he wanted to do it but was very nervous and had a few hygiene worries. It sounds sick but, having never done it before, he was afraid he'd hate the taste so much that he'd embarrass himself my gagging or something (I'll stand up for myself here- I shower every day!)

Anyway, I asked him to do it in the shower and he was up for it. After that, there was no stopping him and now, 7 years and 2 wedding rings later, it's a healthy and happy part of our sex life.

I would suggest having a good chat with your girlfriend, OP. Perhaps have a few drinks on the sofa some night so the conversation flows freely (do not try to talk her in to doing anything there and then; if she's drunk, she'll feel that you've taken advantage). Tell her that you fantasise about her giving you oral- explain that he doesn't have to swallow or even keep going until you ejaculate; maybe she can just hang around down there for a while before having full-on sex?

Ease her in to it. I'm sure she loves you and wants to make you happy. If she's ever going to do it, it'll need to be on her terms. If not, well.. "you can lead a horse to water...".

Catari Jaguar

I cant believe u guys are calling one of the posters immature for wanting to save it for the wedding night. Thats so sad...

I can agree with OP's girlf thinking it's gross, I always said I would NEVER go down on a guy, I'v seen too much blow job porn, I thought it was really disrespectful and slutty. I hung around with loads of guys and I heard them slagging off girls and actually doing impressions. :mad:

I was with my boyf for nearly 2 years before I did it, he never had a probelm with it. I love him and trust him and felt a bit bad, so I decided to blindfold him n tie him up one night n seeing as he couldnt see me, I went down on him. but wouldn't put the head in my mouth cos it's a bit ming. I felt in control and sexy so I worked my way up over a few times to actually doin full oral, and I dont mind as long as he doesn't cum. Maybe suggest taking it in stages and showing her that it isn't actually gross.

oulu

noheadchick wrote:

But we're spending the rest of our lives together?

I don't know really, I suppose a lot is to do with that I've never done it before. plus he is happy with regular sex as we were long distance for a year.

I suppose if he just said will you do it I would consider it but if he ain't asking I'll just keep it for a special occasion.



I don't see how it is immature.

I know you dont that's the funny thing,

Enright

oral sex is a matter of taste!


sorry but coundnt resist it

Talliesin

Lil Kitten wrote:

I'v seen too much blow job porn,

There are lots of people in this forum will suggest people look at porn to learn about sex or aspects of sex.

The problem with this advice is that all the people who say this are complete idiots.

Porn is probably the worse, most mis-informative source of information about sex.

Lil Kitten wrote:

I thought it was really disrespectful and slutty.

It can be disrespectful. This can be because the man involved is genuinely disrespectful or it can be a game - some people get off on bossing/being bossed into performing oral sex and things like "that's it, suck me off you slut". However, that's mixing dominance and submission with oral sex - it's not oral sex in intself.

You can mix doing the dishes with dominance and submission, that doesn't make doing the dishes inherently "slutty".

Lil Kitten wrote:

I hung around with loads of guys and I heard them slagging off girls and actually doing impressions. :mad:

I've heard the same sort of man make similar comments and impressions about intercourse, cunnilingus or even kissing. Do not judge anything by what assholes say about it.

Lil Kitten wrote:

I was with my boyf for nearly 2 years before I did it, he never had a probelm with it. I love him and trust him and felt a bit bad, so I decided to blindfold him n tie him up one night n seeing as he couldnt see me, I went down on him. but wouldn't put the head in my mouth cos it's a bit ming. I felt in control and sexy so I worked my way up over a few times to actually doin full oral, and I dont mind as long as he doesn't cum. Maybe suggest taking it in stages and showing her that it isn't actually gross.

I don't agree with your thinking it's "a bit ming" (I've always loved giving head to both men and women), but do agree that for someone who does find it distasteful but who wants to do it that this is a good way of working up to it on your terms.