Gay Pride Parade

SmoothyG

Unavoidably this summer i was with my 5 year old nephew in the city the day of the gay pride parade. I thought nothing of it until later that day when he asked me what gay was. i explained it is a man who likes other men, to which he replied, are you gay? i said no, he said so does that mean you dont like me? so i had to go into far too deep of a conversation about the different relationships that people have. I was really lost at how to explain this. At 5 years old he is not easilly fobbed off with a half ass answer, but definatly not old enough to understand a sexual preferance.

I really think that a sexual preferance should not be paraded around the city centre in the middle of the day. Many of my gay friends agree with me on this. So you can all stop right there with the homophobe rants.

there is being politically correct and then there is doing things to avoid being accused of it.

The gay pride should not be a parade, especially not during the day. Awareness of an adult topic should be aimed at an adult audience, not at families.

Does anyone agree or am i being too politically incorrect?

Trinity

I have a 6 year old and Personally it doesnt bother me, unless of course there were lewd acts being commited on the street!

I think the music and the atmosphere is great to be honest!

Suppose i am biased though as my best friend is gay so my son already knows to a certain extent of course what gay means.

Its one of those questions that if you can fob it off til a later age then do it. There are worse to come trust me, even as an uncle!

biko

I disagree. Gay issues should be brought to everones attention, even kids.
Gay does not mean seedy encounters in bars, it's a way of life.
Like mixed religion marriages, still a hot potatoe in Ireland.

SmoothyG

Gay is a sexual preferance, after all homosexual, the medical term, says it all.
sure there are bigger issues. i just think it shouldnt be on display to children.

bounty

being gay is just another way natural selection filters the gene pool

azezil

I fail to see the issue, how would you explain a relationship between a man and a woman to a child, why should this be any different?

Sounds to me like you're over complicating the entire situation.

Dragan

Just to steer this firmly off topic, why is there no "straight pride" parade? We can all stroll down the street dancing and wearing "I like girls" t-shirts. It will rock.

On topic though, yeah, it's only a parade, no different that having the kid watching some soap and seeing two dudes/girls kissing and picking it up from there and asking the questions.

el tel

Are you sure you are not gay? Maybe the kid has noticed some gay traits in you and was just wondering, like.

SmoothyG

Mummies and daddies make babies, is the answer the hetro relationships, so i dont think it is over complicating it. Gay being a sexual preferance and having to explain that to a child is the complicated bit.

good point about the soaps though dragan, but in the soaps they only kiss, they dont define a person by thier sexuality.

why is that boy kissing another boy?
ans:i dont know, guess he thinks he is a girl

what is a gay person?
ans: ermmmmmmmmmm

two different questions i'd say,

SmoothyG

el tel wrote:

Are you sure you are not gay? Maybe the kid has noticed some gay traits in you and was just wondering, like.

you think a 5 year old would notice gay traits.

I'd say you are trying to provoke a stupid thread. or is homosexuality still something you snigger at?

The_Minister

SmoothyG wrote:

why is that boy kissing another boy?
ans:i dont know, guess he thinks he is a girl

LOL. That's really a bit short-sighted though.

SmoothyG

yes it is short sighted, but eonough to avoid the full story until he is old enough

iguana

SmoothyG wrote:

I was really lost at how to explain this. At 5 years old he is not easilly fobbed off with a half ass answer, but definatly not old enough to understand a sexual preferance.

Why not just say something such as; You know how your dad is a man who is married to your mum who is a woman. Well most of the time men like to marry women and women like to marry men, but there are some men who like to get married to other men and some women who like to marry other women.

You don't have to explain it in a sexual way, just liken it to marriage* as most kids understand that as a basic concept. You wouldn't have to go into anymore detail than that.

*Despite the fact that in Ireland they are still not allowed to marry.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

SmoothyG wrote:

Unavoidably this summer i was with my 5 year old nephew in the city the day of the gay pride parade. I thought nothing of it until later that day when he asked me what gay was. i explained it is a man who likes other men, to which he replied, are you gay? i said no, he said so does that mean you dont like me? so i had to go into far too deep of a conversation about the different relationships that people have. I was really lost at how to explain this. At 5 years old he is not easilly fobbed off with a half ass answer, but definatly not old enough to understand a sexual preferance.

I really think that a sexual preferance should not be paraded around the city centre in the middle of the day. Many of my gay friends agree with me on this. So you can all stop right there with the homophobe rants.

there is being politically correct and then there is doing things to avoid being accused of it.

The gay pride should not be a parade, especially not during the day. Awareness of an adult topic should be aimed at an adult audience, not at families.

Does anyone agree or am i being too politically incorrect?

"Well, son, you know the way men and women get together and live together? Well, sometimes men like to do that with other men and women like to do that with other women."

Problem sorted, no sex involved.

That or put together a Straight Pride parade.

SmoothyG

i did use this line, but he came back with, so who has the babies?

azezil

SmoothyG wrote:

why is that boy kissing another boy?
ans:i dont know, guess he thinks he is a girl

Well thats not a good answer to give him at all!
Couldn't you just say, sometimes boys kiss boys and girls kiss girls? :rolleyes:

SmoothyG

I'd rather not condone him kissing anyone, he is 5!

miamee

SmoothyG wrote:

why is that boy kissing another boy?
ans:i dont know, guess he thinks he is a girl

Why would you complicate things by suggesting that people can't tell the difference between boys & girls? If you just say 'He's kissing him because he likes boys' that'd be the end of it, kids take things at face value because they are still learning I think.

I know he is your nephew, not your son, so it is really up to his own parents to teach him these things or explain them to him.

Trinity

I just tell my son in terms of love. The kind of love that grown ups have for each other. Well some boys love other boys and want to be with them and same for girls.

He does not think about it in a sexual way. I do not discuss hetro sex with my 6 year old, nor do i have to discuss gay sex.

Love is love to kids, they dont do the details like us adults.

Let them keep their innocence, the people in gay pride as far as i am aware are not having sex in front of the kids. Why does it have to be a sexual thing?

I guarantee your nephew probably never gave it a second thought, hes off in his imaginary world playing scooby doo or something like my son, possibly doesnt even remember the conversation.

SmoothyG

miamee wrote:

I know he is your nephew, not your son, so it is really up to his own parents to teach him these things or explain them to him.

Which is exactly why i think the Gay pride parade should not be targeted at families

Smellyirishman

miamee wrote:

If you just say 'He's kissing him because he likes boys' that'd be the end of it, kids take things at face value because they are still learning I think.

So then he walks up to his best mate in the playground and kisses him...

Like the poster above I was going to suggest describing it in terms of love, but was not sure how a 5yo interpretted love (As I am sure as his Uncle you love him etc... so it could be just as confusing).

Darragh29

iguana wrote:

Why not just say something such as; You know how your dad is a man who is married to your mum who is a woman. Well most of the time men like to marry women and women like to marry men, but there are some men who like to get married to other men and some women who like to marry other women.

You don't have to explain it in a sexual way, just liken it to marriage* as most kids understand that as a basic concept. You wouldn't have to go into anymore detail than that.

*Despite the fact that in Ireland they are still not allowed to marry.

And what if he reasons, on the basis of this particular experience, (the gay pride march, the questions he has raised after seeing it and the replies he got), that being gay is as perfectly normal as not being gay and in 10 years time he thinks that its normal for him to fancy a man and tells his Dad that he is gay??? I know I'm going to take serious flak for this, but I would be disgusted if my child told me he or she was gay, I'd feel like I had utterly failed as a parent... Before you reply, I have friends who are gay, but I'd be literally heartbroken if one of my children said they were gay. I apologise in advance if anyone finds this offensive, it is not intended to be so...

iguana

SmoothyG wrote:

i did use this line, but he came back with, so who has the babies?

Then you can just say, they might mind a baby that has no mum and dad. Or else they might not want a baby.

How do you explain a straight couple with no kids?

Endymion

SmoothyG wrote:

The gay pride should not be a parade, especially not during the day. Awareness of an adult topic should be aimed at an adult audience, not at families.

Does anyone agree or am i being too politically incorrect?

Adults arn't the only ones that are Gay.

miamee

Smellyirishman wrote:

So then he walks up to his best mate in the playground and kisses him...

Like the poster above I was going to suggest describing it in terms of love, but was not sure how a 5yo interpretted love (As I am sure as his Uncle you love him etc... so it could be just as confusing).

Hardly. I don;t think 5 yr old boys like kissing anyone! *L*
Ok he may have to explain the 'like' thing a little but without over complicating it. As others have said maybe explain in terms of love & couples he knows love each other

Dragan

Darragh29 wrote:

but I would be disgusted if my child told me he or she was gay, I'd feel like I had utterly failed as a parent...

Hey dude,

I'm actually curious why,if you don't mind me asking? Is it that you are uncomfortable with the thoughts of them being with someone of the same sex, do you really want Grand kids at some point or what?

Is it a reason you can put your finger on?

Smellyirishman

Darragh29 wrote:

I know I'm going to take serious flak for this, but I would be disgusted if my child told me he or she was gay, I'd feel like I had utterly failed as a parent... Before you reply, I have friends who are gay, but I'd be literally heartbroken if one of my children said they were gay.

Sorry mate, I think your entire arguement and reasoning just went out the window. You may as well have said in the OP that you think being Gay is wrong and the parade is too, don't bring a child into your reasoning. Just because I have friends that do drugs does not mean that I agree with taking drugs. I think you are digging a hole OP.

SmoothyG

i could care less if he is gay or not when he is older. I dont think there is anything wrong with it. I just have a problem with having to explain what a gay man is. Because love for a man, i.e. a friend or relative is very different to a gay relationship.

however, from the posts here i think i will be much better prepared for the next time. Using terms of love seems the best angle. worst comes to worst there is always McDonalds! lol

miamee

Darragh29 wrote:

And what if he reasons, on the basis of this particular experience, (the gay pride march, the questions he has raised after seeing it and the replies he got), that being gay is as perfectly normal as not being gay and in 10 years time he thinks that its normal for him to fancy a man and tells his Dad that he is gay??? I know I'm going to take serious flak for this, but I would be disgusted if my child told me he or she was gay, I'd feel like I had utterly failed as a parent... Before you reply, I have friends who are gay, but I'd be literally heartbroken if one of my children said they were gay. I apologise in advance if anyone finds this offensive, it is not intended to be so...

Well surely it's only going to seem perfectly normal to him to fancy a man if he is in fact gay?? You're reasoning seems a bit flawed and the majority of parents love their children unconditionally.

I hope your child/children never have to tell you anything you find unsavoury, they'll have a nasty surprise if they're expecting their dad to be there for them won't they?

SmoothyG

Carnivore wrote:

Adults arn't the only ones that are Gay.

so u think some Children are Gay? children shouldnt have sexual thoughts, that is puberty.

SmoothyG

Darragh29 wrote:

And what if he reasons, on the basis of this particular experience, (the gay pride march, the questions he has raised after seeing it and the replies he got), that being gay is as perfectly normal as not being gay and in 10 years time he thinks that its normal for him to fancy a man and tells his Dad that he is gay??? I know I'm going to take serious flak for this, but I would be disgusted if my child told me he or she was gay, I'd feel like I had utterly failed as a parent... Before you reply, I have friends who are gay, but I'd be literally heartbroken if one of my children said they were gay. I apologise in advance if anyone finds this offensive, it is not intended to be so...

I dont think you kids sexual preferance is in anyway linked to your parenting.
Nobody knows how/why but medical grounding is that it is hormonal within the brain, not relating to experience. Except extreeme cases

Darragh29

Smellyirishman wrote:

Sorry mate, I think your entire arguement and reasoning just went out the window. You may as well have said in the OP that you think being Gay is wrong and the parade is too, don't bring a child into your reasoning. Just because I have friends that do drugs does not mean that I agree with taking drugs. I think you are digging a hole OP.

I do think being gay is not in keeping with the normal order of things. I'm not overtly religious or right wing, I respect the right of other people to hold different values than I do, to be gay and have gay parades, have gay sex, be in gay relationships and do things that gay people do. However, I would not want my child to have the subject of sexuality literally forced upon them at 6 years of age by a gay parade. I would not want my child to be lying in bed at 6 years of age wondering, "I think I'd like to be gay when I grow up", after seeing a gay parade. In that respect, I agree with the OP...

Dragan

Darragh29 wrote:

I do think being gay is not in keeping with the normal order of things. I'm not overtly religious or right wing, I respect the right of other people to hold different values than I do, to be gay and have gay parades, have gay sex, be in gay relationships and do things that gay people do. However, I would not want my child to have the subject of sexuality literally forced upon them at 6 years of age by a gay parade. I would not want my child to be lying in bed at 6 years of age wondering, "I think I'd like to be gay when I grow up", after seeing a gay parade. In that respect, I agree with the OP...

But in fairness, to use a term like "I think i would be disgusted if my child told me they were gay" does kind of imply that you would feel that they had failed some expectation you had for them, no?

Besides, you see more ripped midsections in Premiership football than you do at a Gay Pride Parade, so maybe you might want to stop him watching that, in case physically healthy men inspire him to be gay?????

HelterSkelter

Just wondering, if you tell the kid that it is perfectly normal for two men to be together, will it confuse the kid? For example I remember fancying girls when I was 5 or 6. As far as I was concerned boys liked girls and girls liked boys, I never knew gay people existed. But if someone had of introduced this idea to me maybe I could have become confused and thought it was some kind of choice that people made and it was ok to kiss boys (even though I am hetro). I remember playing spin the bottle in school when I was 6 or 7, if a few of us had the same idea maybe some of the boys might have kissed (assuming they are hetro). Do people this this is right?

iguana

Darragh29 wrote:

that being gay is as perfectly normal as not being gay and in 10 years time he thinks that its normal for him to fancy a man and tells his Dad that he is gay???

a) Being gay is perfectly normal, so I would think it would be a good thing for a child to draw that conclusion.

b) I grew up thinking that being gay was normal. However any time in my life where the opportunity to be with woman was put before me, as curious as I was I just could not go through with it. Why? Because I am not attracted to women. Even women who I think are gorgeous and amazing and wonderful to be around. I couldn't have sex with her, but there were lots of times that I met a guy who I was only marginally attracted to and I could have sex with him.

You can be straight, gay or bi, but being aware of the fact that you can be any of these won't make you something that you are not. Some people can be straight and have sex with someone of the same sex out of curiousity, but that does not make them gay either. If someone is gay, they are gay. It doesn't matter how many or how few gay pride marches they walk past when the are young.

I will admit that it would be easier for all concerned if when I have children they are straight, but that is only so that they don't have to deal with bigoted attitudes. If they are gay I would rather they grew up knowing that this was an acceptable and natural way to be. And that I and my husband respected them for being who they are.

HelterSkelter

Darragh29 wrote:

I do think being gay is not in keeping with the normal order of things. I'm not overtly religious or right wing, I respect the right of other people to hold different values than I do, to be gay and have gay parades, have gay sex, be in gay relationships and do things that gay people do. However, I would not want my child to have the subject of sexuality literally forced upon them at 6 years of age by a gay parade. I would not want my child to be lying in bed at 6 years of age wondering, "I think I'd like to be gay when I grow up", after seeing a gay parade. In that respect, I agree with the OP...

I think a lot of people will jump on you for saying that but I think you have a valid point. When I have kids I would like them to be hetrosexual. If they turn out gay that is fine, I'd love them regardless, but I certainly don't want it presented to them as if it is some kind of choice they make.

Annasopra

I don't necessarily see having a gay pride parade as forcing sexuality on children. In fact what I really like about the parade is that their are children marching alongside their parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents.

I know I'm going to take serious flak for this, but I would be disgusted if my child told me he or she was gay, I'd feel like I had utterly failed as a parent...

Darragh29 what would you do if your son/daughter didn't tell you he/she was gay but committed suicide because they were too afraid to tell you. How does your child being gay reflect on you negatively as a parent?

Nevyn

SmoothyG wrote:

Mummies and daddies make babies, is the answer the hetro relationships, so i dont think it is over complicating it. Gay being a sexual preferance and having to explain that to a child is the complicated bit.

So the only reason people have hetrosexual relationship is to make babies ?
What bollocks.

My two kids think gay is a silly word. They don't understand the need for the term.

They know that some boys grow up to fall in love with boys, some boys grow up to fall in love with girls, some girls grow up to fall in love with boys and some girls grow up to fall in love with girls.

But until all children are taught that this is just the way of things and while 'gayness' is hidden away there is the need to raise the profile.

trilo

I was at Brighton Gay Pride last year. it was brilliant, the costumes the drama, the atmosphere and there were loads of families out to enjoy the day, even those of hetrosexual relationships. It appeared people thought of it was a fun day out, while also building awareness.

Homosexuality is not something to hide, even from young people and children. Its a fact of life.

As for homosexuality been forced on a 6 year old live this.. isnt hetrosexuality forced on people every day, every way we look, why shoudl we have homosexuality hidden.

Endymion

SmoothyG wrote:

so u think some Children are Gay? children shouldnt have sexual thoughts, that is puberty.

First of, that makes little sense.

secondly, going through puberty doesn't make you an adult.

azezil

LMAO @ Darragh29... my gawd you're such an idiot, I pitty you

BlitzKrieg

I fail to see where the difficulty in answering any questions?

Firstly you give him the its when two men or two women love each other.

And when the who has the baby question just tell the truth. They dont have a baby.

If he persists tell him about adoption.

I cant see any possible question he could ask where you will be forced to describe the 'sexual aspect' of any sexuality.

Sex doesnt need to come into the topic at all.

besides personnally (not when he's five) but when you give him the birds and bees lecture (better to come from family.) You tell him what homosexuality is. Dont let schools or other children explain it for him cause other kids will most likely turn it into a very horrible negative culture and so could the school depending where he is going.

I had my sister tell me about homosexuality and It was one of the better things she did for me when I was younger, compared to the sickening attitude some of my friends in school took compared to me.

SmoothyG

trilo wrote:

I was at Brighton Gay Pride last year. it was brilliant, the costumes the drama, the atmosphere and there were loads of families out to enjoy the day, even those of hetrosexual relationships. It appeared people thought of it was a fun day out, while also building awareness.

Homosexuality is not something to hide, even from young people and children. Its a fact of life.

As for homosexuality been forced on a 6 year old live this.. isnt hetrosexuality forced on people every day, every way we look, why shoudl we have homosexuality hidden.

i wasnt saying homosexuality should be hidden, i think sex isnt something that a 5yr old should be thinking about. homosexuality is something approached at the same time as the sex issue is raised with a child.

After all, homosexuality is having sex with a member of the same sex.

Trinity

BlitzKrieg wrote:

I fail to see where the difficulty in answering any questions?

Firstly you give him the its when two men or two women love each other.

And when the who has the baby question just tell the truth. They dont have a baby.

If he persists tell him about adoption.

I cant see any possible question he could ask where you will be forced to describe the 'sexual aspect' of any sexuality.

Sex doesnt need to come into the topic at all.

besides personnally (not when he's five) but when you give him the birds and bees lecture (better to come from family.) You tell him what homosexuality is. Dont let schools or other children explain it for him cause other kids will most likely turn it into a very horrible negative culture and so could the school depending where he is going.

I had my sister tell me about homosexuality and It was one of the better things she did for me when I was younger, compared to the sickening attitude some of my friends in school took compared to me.

Could not agree more. My family were very open about such things, there-fore i grew up very open-minded.

My best friend is gay and my family, mam, dad, uncles etc love him. And tbh i am very proud of them for that. You would never hear any member of my family expressing anything negative about him in regards to his sexuality.

If my son is gay, the only thing i would worry for him is i would hope that he finds true love. From experience with my friends it can be very difficult to meet someone for a long term loving relationship, as in hetro relationships too but they seem to have less options due to numbers!! thats just my point of view.

But my son will always be able to tell me anything. 2 boys in their early 20's i knew commited suicide as they just couldnt continue living a lie but could not tell their families.

SmoothyG

Carnivore wrote:

First of, that makes little sense.

secondly, going through puberty doesn't make you an adult.

so what does? isnt puberty turning from a child to an adult?

SmoothyG

BlitzKrieg wrote:

I cant see any possible question he could ask where you will be forced to describe the 'sexual aspect' of any sexuality.

Sex doesnt need to come into the topic at all.

.
.

Sex and sexuality are completly unrelated? sorry but i just cant understand that

Karoma

azezil wrote:

LMAO @ Darragh29... my gawd you're such an idiot, I pitty you

Time-out for you.
Reason: Personal abuse.

Folks, no name-calling or other childish crap please.

Endymion

SmoothyG wrote:

so what does? isnt puberty turning from a child to an adult?

It's merely a physical change. a 12 year old is not an adult.

iguana

SmoothyG wrote:

After all, homosexuality is having sex with a member of the same sex.

Sure it is. To the exact same degree that hetrosexuality is having sex with a member of the opposite sex.

I agree, 5 year olds don't need to be thought about sex, and it would not be your place to teach him anyway it's his parents. But when he asks what gay is, you talk to him in terms of what he understands a hetrosexual relationship to be. It's pretty simple.

Trinity

SmoothyG wrote:

Sex and sexuality are completly unrelated? sorry but i just cant understand that

But you said yourself children dont think/shouldnt think about sex. When you tell your nephew mummy and daddy love each other, thats all you tell them. He doesnt ask anything more. Why would you have to mention sex or physical acts?

can you imagine - "Well mummy and daddy love each other so therefore Daddy puts his penis blah blah........" - no of course you wouldnt do it to describe hetrosexual relationships why would you have to do it about gay relationships??

Love is love.

Young Children know nothing about sex, they dont know what it is or that it happens.

Worry about it when hes older - or better still tell him to ask his dad!! His Dad will love ya for it LOL

BlitzKrieg

SmoothyG wrote:

Sex and sexuality are completly unrelated? sorry but i just cant understand that

then your being far too simple. Being a homosexual is far more then 'blowing cock' it's also pretty much a lifestyle choice, (and I dont mean the tight t-shirt buns lifestyle choice.) its a choice on the sort of relationship your going to be in, two men living together so closely is different to going out with your mates or living with your girlfriend, different protocals and habits that extend far beyond the bedroom.

I mean did you look at the gay pride parade, there are huge elements of their life that is different to yours and thats what they are displaying in pride.

In the same way that sex is only a part of your heterosexual relationship, its only a part of theirs.

When you tell your nephew about you and your wife (If you have one.) I assume you dont focus on the sexual antics in the bedroom first. No you talk about how you met, why you love her, what the two of you do together outside the bedroom. I doubt your gonna tell him about your sexual antics until he is older. In the same way you shouldnt talk about homosexual sexual antics until he is older. And also judging by your knowledge on the subject expressed in this thread, it might be better to have one of your gay friends explain it to him.