Single Father

antodeco

Hey, I know this doesnt apply to alot of people, but general thoughts would be good to hear. I broke up with my gf a few months ago, and we have a child together. Shes stays with her during the week, and me at the weekend. She is nearly 3. Something I find is that members of the opposite sex dont want to know you, once you have a child. They think you are "used goods". Ive also found that alot of women think that men who arent with their childs mothers anymore are simply b*stards, because they dont want anything to do with her. Which obviously is total nonsence.

Just wondering if anyone thinks like the above?

Danes

Quite the opposite. The fact that you're so involved in your childs life has to be in your favour. Any woman with a brain in her head would see this as a very positive thing - and those who dont, arent worth your attention.

GAAman

Sorry danes but he is bang on

I broke up with the ex when my daughter was about 6 months old now i see her every weekend and couldnt love her anymore then i do but girls do get seriously put off by havin a kid. In fact the girl i started seein after i broke up with the daughters mother had such serious probs with it that it went to the point of "its either her or me" and she was beggin me to turn my back on my daughter

Needless to say she is an ex now but yeah antodeco its the same here

antodeco

Danes wrote:

Quite the opposite. The fact that you're so involved in your childs life has to be in your favour. Any woman with a brain in her head would see this as a very positive thing - and those who dont, arent worth your attention.

I wish everybody thought the same as you do! Its amazing how Im talking to a girl, and shes very interested. She finds out about my child, and I can see that she wants to get a way as quickly as possible. It happens alot! I think women think that there will always be "another woman" on the scene, and are afraid that years down the road, you may try and make something of it...

ck100

hi antodeco,
i couldnt agree more with you, i broke up with my childs mother and since then everytime i meet a new girl "the baby thing" (and thats a direct quote ive had more than once) goes down with them like a leper in a sauna.

RoundyMooney

I must say, I find that surprising. Thankfully I'm not in the situation of being a single parent, but one or two of my friends are, and if anything, it's an advantage in terms of how women perceive them. I suppose it's an advantage that they are both good dads, and Good People.

I suppose I can only reiterate that if a woman is too shallow to see past a guys situation, then she isn't worth the price of a drink or the time to talk to.

free2fly

RoundyMooney wrote:

I suppose I can only reiterate that if a woman is too shallow to see past a guys situation, then she isn't worth the price of a drink or the time to talk to.

I have to say that I agree with that statement. If you're a good father, and it seems that you are, then a women should be impressed by that. It would never bother me if a man has a child with another woman. Perhaps age has something to do with it as well. Are you under 25 OP?

sullivk

Absolutely not, ur clearly involved in ur childs life, u take her every weekend.
I have a 3 year old son with my ex bf.We still get on really well. He takes him at 8 on a Saturday evening and drops him back to me at 2 or 3 on a Sunday afternoon...
I try to encourage him to see him more often but hes always too busy...
He finishes work at 2 o'clock everyday and doesnt bother coming to see his son all week...
I am on the single parent allowance as im in college at the moment and cant get a weekend job because he refuses to mind our son.
He gives me 50 euro a week (he earns about 500!)...and ive recently asked him for an extra 25 as our son is starting playschool in 3 weeks and money is tight but he refused (he pays 500 a month for his car!)...
Anyway, wat im getting at is that this is an example of a bastard!!

U sound like a decent fella, not damaged goods at all, u obviously havent been meeting the right people...
I felt the same until I met my current bf...
People should accept u for who u are, the father of a beautiful little girl...and if they cant then theyr clearly not worth a thought!

ck100

i have my child every weekend and hes top of my list of priorities in every decision i make, i think its a thing with irish women if theyre not the centre of attention they dont want to know, thats not being disrespectful to irish women its jut an observation..
maybe, hopefully im wrong

Nevyn

This can cut both ways for single parents be they mothers or fathers there are people out there that just do not want to date or get into a relationship where they have take into consideration the children of the other person.

Unfortunately we tend to only hear about dead beat dads when there are many wonderful Dad's out there activily a part of thier childs life and doing all they can for them.

It can be tricky to find the right person but if they don't respect you for having a relationship with your child and they don't respect your child's place in your life then they can do more damage then good in the long run.

sullivk if you are not happy with your situation try mediation or if needs be get a court mandated maintanice order.

ircoha

sullivk wrote:

Absolutely not, ur clearly involved in ur childs life, u take her every weekend.
I have a 3 year old son with my ex bf.We still get on really well. He takes him at 8 on a Saturday evening and drops him back to me at 2 or 3 on a Sunday afternoon...
I try to encourage him to see him more often but hes always too busy...
He finishes work at 2 o'clock everyday and doesnt bother coming to see his son all week...
I am on the single parent allowance as im in college at the moment and cant get a weekend job because he refuses to mind our son.
He gives me 50 euro a week (he earns about 500!)...and ive recently asked him for an extra 25 as our son is starting playschool in 3 weeks and money is tight but he refused (he pays 500 a month for his car!)...
Anyway, wat im getting at is that this is an example of a bastard!!

U sound like a decent fella, not damaged goods at all, u obviously havent been meeting the right people...
I felt the same until I met my current bf...
People should accept u for who u are, the father of a beautiful little girl...and if they cant then theyr clearly not worth a thought!

I would be looking for child maintenance pronto, particularly if he lives in ireland. see other posts on this. my view is make the bastards pay

ircoha

Danes wrote:

Quite the opposite. The fact that you're so involved in your childs life has to be in your favour. Any woman with a brain in her head would see this as a very positive thing - and those who dont, arent worth your attention.

I agree with Dane. Your experience to date is only because u have met dross who are in DINK mode and the prob is they see ur commitment to your kid as a drain on her available funds as well as the time issue.

It depends what age you are, if u are young and mixing with young then the prob is that you will be spurned.

Keep well.

antodeco

hi folks, thanks for the replies. Yes Im young. Im 24. I see my daughter 2 or 3 times during the week, and I make sure I put her to bed one of those times. I take her early Saturday, and bring her home late sunday. Basically, when im not in work, im with her. Its just so difficult I find. Its easier for women to find someone (purely because all men are shallow and only want one thing!), so its harder I find, for women to accept it. Yes, unfortunatley, if ur no longer with the mother, you are considered a "dead beat dad".

I wish life was easier!!

oulu

I think if you habe a child you are better maybe looking for ladies in the same situation, they know where you are coming from,I think it makes it more easy for all if both have kids,

Trinity

Hey

sorry to hear you have met such judgemental girlies!

fair play to you anyway you have your priorities right.

as others have said it depends on the individual.

as a single mum i was shocked when someone said to me 'i cant be with you, you'd be perfect if you didnt have a kid!'

it never bothered me before i had my own son if a guy had a kid i would actually encourage him to play a role in the childs life.

my sons dad doesnt see his son either anymore. but when he did see him i always had an idea when he was dating as he would disappear for months.

now i used to think it was their influence (maybe there are a lot of girls out there like that but its easy to blame other people) but i think its just him as a person puts his girlfriends first.

anyway back to the point your daughter will always be a huge part in your life and any decent girl will look beyond the fact that you have other responsibilties and love you all the more for not shirking them.

good luck with it and dump those bitches!

Black Swan

You are not damaged goods. You are a person. Someone who would think of you that way is not worth dating.

LegacyUser

oulu wrote:

I think if you habe a child you are better maybe looking for ladies in the same situation, they know where you are coming from,I think it makes it more easy for all if both have kids,

I would agree.

In fairness as a single woman without any kids myself.

Hands up... kill me now... I would prefere to go out with a bloke who didnt have kids.

In the early days of a relationship, meeting people I would not be really interested in a person if they said in a club "Hi, my name is x, I have a kid".

Why?
Well, its like most people...
In my head I would panice "sh** he has a kid, I dont really know him, this is going to be difficult. Baby pictures on the first date are a no, no, in any situation or any generic conversation leaning towards same.

As well as that, you imagine, (although it may not be true), you would have to deal with some possible psyco ex. Who has a kid with "insert bloke you are interested in here"
Its not you per se, its the difficulty of responsibility, which everyone detests in the introduction of a relationship, no matter male of female.

I think that when a woman gets to know you properly, she would have more respect for you than a normal bloke she'd just met. Because there arent many men like you.
You seem lovely and genuine, but you are experiencing what many single women do too in the same situation.

Its not nice, but I have to say unless I got to know you, I wouldnt take you on. Cos its not just you i'd be taking on board.
Its a big responsibility for whomever winds up getting serious about you too.

Thats why I quoted oulu, because its a starter. They know the responsibilty and wont hold it against you. For someone who hasn't an incling, I would find it dead hard, unless i was already mad about you.

SexeeAussie

Trinity1, I so sympathise with that comment as a single mum i was shocked when someone said to me 'i cant be with you, you'd be perfect if you didnt have a kid!'

I have had that said to me before and I nearly died! First of shock, then of anger that someone could be sooooo ridiculous. (And I am not young...I am into my 30's...people SHOULD know better before opening their mouths!)


OP, I take my hat off to you. You are being a proactive dad, that is a great thing. It may be hard for other 24 year olds to deal with your 'lot' but I reckon it will ultimately sort out the roses from the thorns! What I mean is, if a girl is not prepared to accept you and your little girl as a 'package deal' then they are not really into you are they??? It may be life's way of testing someone out before you get involved, type of thing.

Hang in there, I think you are doing a great job.....life has a way of surprising you with gems when you least expect it! Keep doing the best for you and your girl

:-)

SA, another single parent!

daiixi

tbh I'd not want to get involved with someone with a child. Although I think it's fab that you're involved in your childs life, I don't want a child in my life at the moment or the responsibilities that come with that. Nothing to do with "you" or "your child", it's to do with me and where I am in my life atm.
However I'd be more likely to stick with a guy who sees his child than one who (by his own choice) doesn't.
I'd thank my lucky stars that some of these girls are up front and honest rather than getting involved in a relationship and then asking you to choose between your child and them. That's just heartless!

lau1247

in my opinion, i think you're not a used goods..
I'm a guy by the way and seeing/guessing this scenario from a woman's point of view..

it's just that the idea of dating a guy with a son or daughter is a big responsibility..
All of a sudden they find themself on the verge of becoming into the arena of parenthood if they step over the line..
Very little people are prepared to do that..
And the thing is that this type of parenthood is not even a product of their own kid..

Maybe they're thinking, why should I put myself out there and help raise a kid for someone else?

just my thought in a woman's perspective..
i know, there will be people with exceptions..
don't bother bombard me with critcism..
There are just too many angles to cover in life

Dors1976

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

You are not damaged goods. You are a person. Someone who would think of you that way is not worth dating.

That's very true.
Before I had my son I dated men who had children and it never bothered me. I think it is a very sad situation when someone doesn't want to have anything to do with their own child. My son's father has chosen that route and I took him to court for maintenance because I needed the money not because I thought he was a bastard. I think he's a fool to miss out on so much with our son, but that's his choice like many others. Often too there are women who decide not to be involved in their child's life and personally I think that maybe there should be compassion for these people. We need to understand why they choose not to be involved with their children rather than just labelling them deadbeats. At the end of the day the will have to face their children when the children ask "Why did you leave?"
I think it shows that the OP is very responsible and mature. Any girl should be proud to have you as their partner. Your daughter I'm sure is very proud of you and you of her. Best of luck finding more suitable women!

Marksie

I do get annoyed when people make comments like those experienced by Trinity1 and sexieaussie.

Strangely enough when i moved over to ireland, i did do to be with a g//friend who had a child. The attitude I got was "oh you must thinking something of her if she has a child then".

I couldn't understand it, in the UK it seemed no-one batted an eyelid IMO.

Certainly doesnt bother me at all. perhaps tis because i am a big kid at heart and loved having someone whos toys i could play with and not get laughed at .

However, as other posters have said, anyone worth anything will understand.

Trinity

ohforthelove.. wrote:

I would agree.

In fairness as a single woman without any kids myself.

Hands up... kill me now... I would prefere to go out with a bloke who didnt have kids.

In the early days of a relationship, meeting people I would not be really interested in a person if they said in a club "Hi, my name is x, I have a kid".

Why?
Well, its like most people...
In my head I would panice "sh** he has a kid, I dont really know him, this is going to be difficult. Baby pictures on the first date are a no, no, in any situation or any generic conversation leaning towards same.

As well as that, you imagine, (although it may not be true), you would have to deal with some possible psyco ex. Who has a kid with "insert bloke you are interested in here"
Its not you per se, its the difficulty of responsibility, which everyone detests in the introduction of a relationship, no matter male of female.

I think that when a woman gets to know you properly, she would have more respect for you than a normal bloke she'd just met. Because there arent many men like you.
You seem lovely and genuine, but you are experiencing what many single women do too in the same situation.

Its not nice, but I have to say unless I got to know you, I wouldnt take you on. Cos its not just you i'd be taking on board.
Its a big responsibility for whomever winds up getting serious about you too.

Thats why I quoted oulu, because its a starter. They know the responsibilty and wont hold it against you. For someone who hasn't an incling, I would find it dead hard, unless i was already mad about you.

i commend your honesty and i have to say i try to value everyones standards and expectations when it comes to a relationship.

forever is a long time to spend with someone you better make damned sure you are at least singing from the same hymn sheet.

it really depends on the individual again. Marksuttonie doesnt have a problem with it, joesoap next door might.

Having a child yourself is a huge decision to make but getting involved with somebody with a child is a very different kettle of fish as the decision is made and they went and did it without you

i personally believe in love and i believe if you love someone then you love them no matter what (god i sound sooo mushy). Love me love my kid.

you will meet someone op who can look beyond your 'circumstances' and see just 'you', in fact i beleive everyone here in the same position will, when the time is right.

my aunt is in her late forties with 6 kids, had resigned herself to a life alone. Her boyfriend of 6 months proposed to her last week Why? Cos he lurves her awh............

antodeco

Its very interesting the 2 divides of people on this!! As was said, once they get to know you, they have no problem with a child. The main issue is, you never get to that stage because they run at the first hurdle. Dont get me worng, Id rather have my daughter and be single the rest of my life, but I do find that I get lonely and just wish I was able to hold someone and tell them how much I care about them. Ive resigned myself to the fact that I have to do one of two things. Never mention my child, and hope to build up a friendship cum relationship, or just hope that there are girls out there in the same circumstance as me, and we would be perfect for each other..

Trinity

antodeco wrote:

Its very interesting the 2 divides of people on this!! As was said, once they get to know you, they have no problem with a child. The main issue is, you never get to that stage because they run at the first hurdle. Dont get me worng, Id rather have my daughter and be single the rest of my life, but I do find that I get lonely and just wish I was able to hold someone and tell them how much I care about them. Ive resigned myself to the fact that I have to do one of two things. Never mention my child, and hope to build up a friendship cum relationship, or just hope that there are girls out there in the same circumstance as me, and we would be perfect for each other..

Hey dont be so hard on yourself. Probably a friendship first situation is the best approach. Let people get to know you first.

My case is different as i had been seeing this guy kinda casually for a couple of months and then he said about my kid so obviously the real me wasnt enough for him!!

Join a club or something were you will get to meet other people with no expectations of a romance and things may blossom from there.

Just a point, i wouldnt 'not' mention your daughter. I mean you dont have to shout it from the rooftops but if you get to the stage of asking a girl out you should say it then.

the reason being that when you do eventually say it she may think you were being dishonest and that in fact may put her off and not the fact you have a child and thats no way to start a relationship!!

Good luck with it anyway OP. Theres plenty of time.

HashSlinging

Hey man, hope your enjoying fatherhood it sounds like you are! dont worry about the girls! You'll meet the right one soon and you'll wonder what all the hassle was about, how do I know this?? well I think you should take some advice... To be bluntly honest you probably wont find an irish girl that will be that "open minded", they are all bitter irish bit**s when it comes to single parenthood... your better off staying away from them, there’s plenty of choice out there these days...check out what the foreign girls have to say on the matter, you'd be surprised how open minded other nationalities are, don’t wreck your head about it.

P.S. Make sure you get everything legal with your child, otherwise, things might get sour with your ex if either of you do find someone.

Trinity

HashSlinging wrote:

Hey man, hope your enjoying fatherhood it sounds like you are! dont worry about the girls! You'll meet the right one soon and you'll wonder what all the hassle was about, how do I know this?? well I think you should take some advice... To be bluntly honest you probably wont find an irish girl that will be that "open minded", they are all bitter irish bit**s when it comes to single parenthood... your better off staying away from them, there’s plenty of choice out there these days...check out what the foreign girls have to say on the matter, you'd be surprised how open minded other nationalities are, don’t wreck your head about it.

P.S. Make sure you get everything legal with your child, otherwise, things might get sour with your ex if either of you do find someone.

I'd take that with a pinch of salt OP - i'm an irish girl and i went out with guys with kids. As did a lot of my friends. Don't limit yourself any further by looking ONLY for foreign girls.

You will meet the 'right' one, regardless of her nationality.

Hash-slinging i'm sorry you seemed to have such bad experiences with irish girls however i am sure you didnt meet every single irish girl in ireland. I know lots of girls go out with guys with kids.

I've had a few bad experiences with irish men dont wanna know me cos i have a kid. Yet i am not on here slating the entire irish male population. There are lots of good blokes out there.

Now who is Bitter..........................................

Pigman II

I'd certainly mark a woman with kids off as damaged goods. I don't know if women think the same about guys.

HashSlinging

Yeah right! in general Irish girls are all stuck up, there are a few like yourself and your friends who claim not to be, but in general your all stuck up bitc***:D

Lucky for me my wife is half scottish! jackpot

Trinity

Op try not to get disheartened or bitter and judge the entire population based on a few bad experiences. Its very hurtful i know to be rejected or ostracised.

There are some people out there who have their minds made up before they have even met you, thats their lifestyle choice there is nothing you can do about it.

But There definately are some genuine people out there

ck100

where are they trinity?????:o

Trinity

I'm still looking CK.

But you can meet people just about anywhere. Clubs, groups, voluntary groups, your own neighbourhood, work, dating sites.

Singles nights, friends of friends. Billy bobs cousin up the road.

I wouldnt be looking in snobby places though. Somewhere were people are a bit more down to earth and understand that people have had lives before you met them and no-one really knows the circumstances surrounding the break up or why you are a single parent.

We dont all just go out and open our legs for one nighters and hope not to get caught. Some of these kids may even been planned but the relationship went tits up.

again it depends on the open mindedness of the person.

Marksie

HashSlinging wrote:

Yeah right! in general Irish girls are all stuck up, there are a few like yourself and your friends who claim not to be, but in general your all stuck up bitc***:D

Lucky for me my wife is half scottish! jackpot

I'm sorry but I am English and in general i find Irish girls to be absolutely fine. You all ways get the odd one but in general fine.

Bully for you with the wife, thank you for sharing.

You are ALSO off post and appear to have just come on with a rant and an obnoxious and insulting rant at that. I think the best anyone could do is just ignore this poster TBH.

antodeco

Just had some experience there. HAve been talking to a girl all day on msn (met her on a website). We were getting on really well. She asked about family and I told her I had a daughter. All of a sudden her messages died right down, and were all one worded!! Its such a shame that so far, 100% of any women Ive spoken to, hear about the baby, they dont want to know.

Trinity

i'd ask her, then again i am a cheeky bitch but i have had enough of people to be honest.

come right out and ask her does she have a problem with it.

if she says yes just say thats a pity, shes a lovely kid and i'm a nice guy but it was nice chatting to you anyway.

if you take it with dignity and pride that'll blow her away.

Ickle Magoo

I think it's incredibly short-sighted of anyone to write off a potentially wonderful partner because said partner has a child from a previous relationship. I would like to think it wouldn't stop me from falling in love with someone but we all know that the relationship between the parents can be bitter, it can be difficult being a new partner that is introduced to an older child, etc, etc...but as has already been said, if someone knows that and wants to be a part of your life even tho they know it may be harder work than if it was just the two of you, then they are far more deserving of you. Best of luck.

spurious

Part of the issue is that with women (and probably also with men, though they are not my area of expertise) you have to, as a potential lover, understand that her child(ren) will ALWAYS come before you.

It's just how things are. Once you accept that, the presence of children can be a huge positive factor in a relationship.

Dors1976

antodeco wrote:

Its such a shame that so far, 100% of any women Ive spoken to, hear about the baby, they dont want to know.

You are right it is a shame. They are cutting you off because of one aspect of your life. Very unfair, maybe get in touch with some single parent groups in your area or try One Parent Exchange Network, or Treoir. or Gingerbread Ireland. They might be able to help you.

There are girls out there who are willing to talk to AND date guys who have children. I'm one and so is Trinity (I hope you don't mind me saying that Trinity!)

Not all girls are bitches who are so shallow that they don't date you because you have a child, equally not all fathers are dead beat bastards.

Stick with it, you will find someone.

Trinity

Dors1976 wrote:

You are right it is a shame. They are cutting you off because of one aspect of your life. Very unfair, maybe get in touch with some single parent groups in your area or try One Parent Exchange Network, or Treoir. or Gingerbread Ireland. They might be able to help you.

There are girls out there who are willing to talk to AND date guys who have children. I'm one and so is Trinity (I hope you don't mind me saying that Trinity!)

Not all girls are bitches who are so shallow that they don't date you because you have a child, equally not all fathers are dead beat bastards.

Stick with it, you will find someone.

No not at all! I think the age is a big factor. most early-mid twenties dont want responsibility in their life but everyone is an individual.

so while 100% of the girls you met dont want to know - 100% of the population feel that way.

you'll meet someone, i met some nice people that didnt mind the kid situation, it didnt work due to other issues but whats meant to be will be.

Gillo

From my experience, I would have said don't mention your daughter the first time you meet someone (yes, alot easier said than done) wait until the next time (usually the first date).

As someone who is in the same boat, you will get a lot more knockbacks, but you will eventually find that special someone. Stick with it.

Shandra

You sound like a very decent man and I think that any girl who would be put off by the fact that you have a child is certainly not the girl for you. I had a baby 6 months ago and myself, the babys father and my beautiful son live happily together as a family, and I can honestly say that my baby will never render me to be "damaged goods" and anybody who might suggest to me that my child is in any way a disadvantage to me would be somebody I would want to expel from my life ASAP as, by virtue of the fact that they are saying this, I think that their heart does not hold the love and understanding that is deserving of my child and I. I think you should feel no loss regarding these girls as when you meet the right one she will accept and respect from the start what you are, a loving father and she will want to be a loving caring influence in your childs life.

Best of Luck, May your search be a happy one!!!

magnum69

well for me, so long as the guy supports the child and really shows responsibility, being a single dad isn't a problem...;)

shoegirl

antodeco wrote:

Hey, I know this doesnt apply to alot of people, but general thoughts would be good to hear. I broke up with my gf a few months ago, and we have a child together. Shes stays with her during the week, and me at the weekend. She is nearly 3. Something I find is that members of the opposite sex dont want to know you, once you have a child. They think you are "used goods". Ive also found that alot of women think that men who arent with their childs mothers anymore are simply b*stards, because they dont want anything to do with her. Which obviously is total nonsence.

I think there are a lot of misconceptions, plus people make huge assumptions about why you broke up etc.

But I think the biggest problem for guys with children is the classic vicious circle:
1. If you are still in touch and supporting your child then a potential mate might see your ex as a threat and may subconsciously assume that because because they were still in your life that you are still in some way "involved"
and
2. If you are not then they judge you as a pig because you're "not supporting your child" etc, even if you've been denied the opportunity to do so (for example I do know at least 2 women who won't look for support for their exes because they don't want them in the child's life, or don't want hassle from them - a lot of women assume that looking for maintenace means that the father gets something in return, or wrongly believe that unmarried fathers have rights - the reality is that regardless of whether or not they pay up, they've practically none).

Best way to approach it is to be honest with women about what happened and the arrangement that you currently have. It might even help if they get to meet so they can see for themselves that you're not involved and just taking reponsibility for your own past actions.

antodeco

shoegirl wrote:

I think there are a lot of misconceptions, plus people make huge assumptions about why you broke up etc.

But I think the biggest problem for guys with children is the classic vicious circle:
1. If you are still in touch and supporting your child then a potential mate might see your ex as a threat and may subconsciously assume that because because they were still in your life that you are still in some way "involved"
and
2. If you are not then they judge you as a pig because you're "not supporting your child" etc, even if you've been denied the opportunity to do so (for example I do know at least 2 women who won't look for support for their exes because they don't want them in the child's life, or don't want hassle from them - a lot of women assume that looking for maintenace means that the father gets something in return, or wrongly believe that unmarried fathers have rights - the reality is that regardless of whether or not they pay up, they've practically none).

Best way to approach it is to be honest with women about what happened and the arrangement that you currently have. It might even help if they get to meet so they can see for themselves that you're not involved and just taking reponsibility for your own past actions.

Unfortunatley, it is a viscious circle!! I appreciate all of the responses, mostly mixed though!! At the end of the day, my daughter comes first, so if a woman cant accept that, whilst Ill be upset, is her problem. Ill still have my daughter, no matter what, and shes enough female company for me!

John Mason

antodeco wrote:

Hey, I know this doesnt apply to alot of people, but general thoughts would be good to hear. I broke up with my gf a few months ago, and we have a child together. Shes stays with her during the week, and me at the weekend. She is nearly 3. Something I find is that members of the opposite sex dont want to know you, once you have a child. They think you are "used goods". Ive also found that alot of women think that men who arent with their childs mothers anymore are simply b*stards, because they dont want anything to do with her. Which obviously is total nonsence.

Just wondering if anyone thinks like the above?

sorry mate, but i would run the other way if a bloke told me he had children. children will always come first, you cant plan anything without involving them, if you have the kids at the weekend, you cant go out - no way. i had made a personal decision never to have children so there is no way in hell i would take on anyone else's

brown*eyed*girl

Fellow single parent here antodeco. I actually prefer to date guys who have kids already as from my experience they are much more understanding obviously the ones who are still involved in their kids life. Be patient and you'll meet the right girl and in the meantime enjoy your little girl as she won't be little for too long. I love kids so its a bonus for me if a guy has kids.

Dors1976

brown*eyed*girl wrote:

I actually prefer to date guys who have kids already as from my experience they are much more understanding obviously the ones who are still involved in their kids life. Be patient and you'll meet the right girl and in the meantime enjoy your little girl as she won't be little for too long. I love kids so its a bonus for me if a guy has kids.

You are sooooo right, men who are involved with their kids understand and appreciate children with their stories and they make allowances for us moms too. I think also if you both have kids that at least you both know what to expect. Your daughter is a blessing in your life and at least your are taking the time to apprciate her. It is hard not dating anyone and it can be lonely but there are plenty more chances to meet people.

antodeco

Well folks, I know its been a while! Well Ive managed to find someone already!! She is also a mom, and she appreciates the difficulties. Funnier thing is, I met her through this!

lau1247

congrats, problem solve..

Jules

oh cool congrats op, just gonna launch into a rant about how women can be just so... know its not a very intelligent word but its true..... stupid sometimes. end of the day if any woman is lucky enough to find someone that they can spend time with, and just be themselves, and then they decide to end it all just cuz the guy has a kid, just silly!

Dragan

antodeco wrote:

Something I find is that members of the opposite sex dont want to know you, once you have a child. They think you are "used goods". Ive also found that alot of women think that men who arent with their childs mothers anymore are simply b*stards, because they dont want anything to do with her.

Unfortunately yes, it can be the case. I guess it is worth pointing out that any woman who would think that way is not someone you, or your child, would need to be around anyway?

antodeco wrote:

Well folks, I know its been a while! Well Ive managed to find someone already!! She is also a mom, and she appreciates the difficulties. Funnier thing is, I met her through this!

Ha ha, just say this now, for some reason i thought this was a new post??? My head is just not with it today!!! Anyway, nice to hear dude!! Hope it all works out for you folks.