Am I too old?

LegacyUser

Sorry for posting this, but saw the other post below. Slightly different though. Just started seeing a girl I met in a bar. Met her around 2/3 weeks ago. She told me today that she younger then she really is. She originally told me 20. Shes actually 16, im 24. Yes it is a huge gap. Now the thing is, we havent done anything sexual together. She wants to now, but Im telling her no, simply because its illegal. What are peoples thoughts on this age gap? Also, as silly as this may sound, does kissing her mean Im breaking the law? Theoretically, it should, but I dont know.

I know Ill probably get slated for this, and rightly so. I really like this girl and we get on really well. I know I shouldnt pursue this at all because of the age difference, but as I said I really like her. Any advice comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

cupsoftea

you're too old. you know you are.

Caryatnid

cupsoftea wrote:

you're too old. you know you are.

Agreed.
Remember how you were at sixteen? You were just a child, relative to how old you are now.

tman

Definitely too old.
Look her up when she turns 17-18 if you're really that smitten with her.

Beruthiel

You're waaay too old and you know it or you wouldn't be posting here.

LegacyUser

Yes I know I am. What I would like to do is maintain a friendship and then when shes older try at a relationship. I know we really like each other, which makes it more difficult. I know 16 is a very young age, and believe me I wish I could just walk away, but I really am smitten with her. I suppose I need to be the mature one here (obviously!) and just tell her no.

Grr, why when I find someone I like I cant be with them!

Anti

to old.

Suaimhneach

Definitely too old. You'd be taking advantage of her.

Its completely against the law, and she was mature enough to tell you she was only 16, you should be mature enough to recognise you shouldnt carry on with the relationship.

muletide

You are too old.

gandalf

You should walk away from this. It will only bring a world of pain and you already know this by posting this question.

LegacyUser

gandalf wrote:

You should walk away from this. It will only bring a world of pain and you already know this by posting this question.

Sorry for seeming silly, but what u mean?

jellie

Way too old. She must be in like 3rd or 4th year school? its nearly disturbing to think about.

Gone West

Am i too old?

yes.

metrovelvet

Wasnt another thread locked already about the same topic because the subject is illegal?

BigWilly

Sure why not?
Ye can help her with her Junior Cert papers

YeAh!

Forget about it! My sister is 16 and I can imagine how I would feel is she was going out with a 24 y/o! Its never gona work!

Nevyn

BigWilly, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

gandalf

Older wrote:

Sorry for seeming silly, but what u mean?

Well she is underage, illegal and quite serious for you if you get caught and then convicted. Onto the sex offenders registrar you go. That explain it for you clearly !

aman

Sorry definitely too large an age gap at this age (i.e. the girls). 16 year olds are not as mature as they like to think!!

Zillah

Whats with the insta-judge? The legal age for sex is there to make sure people are somewhat responsible for their actions once they start having sex, its not so clear cut as one might think, and frankly we don't know how mature she is, or how immature he is . Age is just a number, maturity is a concept.

OP, if both you and she thinks she's mature enough then keep in touch and go for it when its legal. However, if you just have a hardon for a pretty young thing and aren't thinking clearly, maybe you should back off.

Go soul searching and don't do anything illegal.

Pigman II

Get yer hands off the girl Stringfellow. Yer way too old Sir.

Santa Claus

Does the idea of spending time in prison appeal to you ? If so then go ahead !

You now know she's 16 so should be running away very fast as the defence of "but your honour she told me she was 20" no longer applies !

Chucky the tree

If shes really hot, then go for it.

shoegirl

Older wrote:

Yes I know I am. What I would like to do is maintain a friendship and then when shes older try at a relationship. I know we really like each other, which makes it more difficult. I know 16 is a very young age, and believe me I wish I could just walk away, but I really am smitten with her. I suppose I need to be the mature one here (obviously!) and just tell her no.

Grr, why when I find someone I like I cant be with them!

I'm sorry to say this but it says something about your maturity level that you are hanging around with 16 year olds while in your mid 20s. Would you also hang around with 16 year old boys? I should hope not.

16 is just way too young and while it might seem flattering for you and exciting and "grown-up" for her to be with an older guy, to be honest, its only symptomatic of mutual immaturity. What's wrong with girls your own age?

I'm sorry to sound judgemental.

Cabaal

If you have to ask then you shouldn't be doing it imho

Jotter

I went out with a 23 yr old when I was 17, nothing sexual ever happened (which I am glad of now!) but I met him about 2 years ago in a nightclub and I cringed at the thought of being with him bec I could now see why he didnt date a girl his own age, he made my skin crawl and was such a nerd! Oh and he told me Id grown up very sexy - yuk yuk yuk !!! Dont get me wrong he was a nice enough fella at the time just that I now know that 17 and 23 dont mix, let alone 16 and 24!! If she tells you she likes you I can guarantee its bec shes impressed that youre older and that you open up a world to her (pubs etc) that she otherwise wouldnt have access to - the major thing for me was that this guy had a car and could drive me places! Dont go giving yourself a pat on the back that the relationship isnt sexual, just do as the other posters said and dont see her again, if you like her as much as you say then you wont want to cause her grief (which you will both get if her parents get wind) maybe ask if she has an older sister!!

The Sweeper

I think it's probably very, very easy to become smitten by a 16 year old. For starters, her attachment to you is probably close to hero worship, and it must be very flattering to have someone hang on your every word like that. In addition, limited sexual experience means you never feel that you're being compared to anyone else. Plus you're the one with more life experience so she'll probably follow your lead on every decision you guys were to ever make as a couple.

No baggage, no hang-ups, no opinions of her own, doesn't Have Views, everything's new and shiney - yep, I can see why a grown man would find a 16 year old child attractive.

Iago

OP think of it this way, you say you like her, what exactly do you like?

Her opinion on world events?

Her personality and sense of humour?

The funny stories she has about her life experiences?

The way that you've both had similar lives and understand where each other is coming from?

How good you are together in bed?

How comfortable it feels just lying there together without having to say or do anything at all?

My guess is that you can't answer yes to any of the above. For some she just won't have that experience, for others she's still developing and for the rest you haven't yet shared those kind of moments.

What you like is the fact that a young girl is interested in you, and that's not a good enough reason to be involved. You're way too old for her, what can you possibly have in common? What do you have that you can talk about and emphatise with? You live in different worlds, better to leave it that way.

LegacyUser

Iago wrote:

OP think of it this way, you say you like her, what exactly do you like?

Her opinion on world events?

Her personality and sense of humour?

The funny stories she has about her life experiences?

The way that you've both had similar lives and understand where each other is coming from?

How good you are together in bed?

How comfortable it feels just lying there together without having to say or do anything at all?

My guess is that you can't answer yes to any of the above. For some she just won't have that experience, for others she's still developing and for the rest you haven't yet shared those kind of moments.

What you like is the fact that a young girl is interested in you, and that's not a good enough reason to be involved. You're way too old for her, what can you possibly have in common? What do you have that you can talk about and emphatise with? You live in different worlds, better to leave it that way.

Right, firstly, I have not had sex with her. If you read my original post it says that. She also told me she was 20, until YESTERDAY. Most people posting here are under the assumption that Ive known about her age for a long time, and that Ive been sleeping with her. Im not a typical fella that jumps right into bed. What I like about her was she was a good laugh, loved very similar things to me. Shes finished school, so shes not in 3rd or 4th year. I havent slept with her. I was going out with like "a friend". Since Ive found out her age, Ive distanced myself from her hugely. Im still staying a friend to her,, mainly because im not a prick. Yes, at this point in time I am too old for her, I know that, but if you look at my post, I was wondering if it would be wrong to maintain a friendship with her, until shes older. Most people here have been extremley judgemental about me going to prison and sleeping with a child, but again, I NEVER DID. I have not intention of.

Iago

Older wrote:

Right, firstly, I have not had sex with her. If you read my original post it says that. She also told me she was 20, until YESTERDAY. Most people posting here are under the assumption that Ive known about her age for a long time, and that Ive been sleeping with her. Im not a typical fella that jumps right into bed. What I like about her was she was a good laugh, loved very similar things to me. Shes finished school, so shes not in 3rd or 4th year. I havent slept with her. I was going out with like "a friend". Since Ive found out her age, Ive distanced myself from her hugely. Im still staying a friend to her,, mainly because im not a prick. Yes, at this point in time I am too old for her, I know that, but if you look at my post, I was wondering if it would be wrong to maintain a friendship with her, until shes older. Most people here have been extremley judgemental about me going to prison and sleeping with a child, but again, I NEVER DID. I have not intention of.

Not sure why you quoted my post here as I stated you haven't experienced those moments yet, i.e. how good you are together in bed or how to feels to be just lying there together.

If she's finished school it means that she dropped out before completing her leaving cert, which could raise questions about her maturity level.

If you want to have a friendship with her go ahead and do it, I don't think it'll be a good idea. I don't think that you'll get to the stage where it will develop into more than that if you are going to wait until she's old enough so I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment to be honest.

smash

just think about the fact that she'll be going back to SCHOOL next month.... jail bait!

Poker & Pints

Umm, No offense to all the judgemental posters here...but if you want to maintain a friendship, then fine...but make it clear to her. Thats all. FFS, its a friendship people....nothing wrong with that. He just needs to not compromise this premise. Not quite the same scenario, but today some of my best friends are much younger than me, mostly because I grew up with them(knowing older brother/sisters).

Iago

Iago wrote:

Not sure why you quoted my post here as I stated you haven't experienced those moments yet, i.e. how good you are together in bed or how to feels to be just lying there together.

If she's finished school it means that she dropped out before completing her leaving cert, which could raise questions about her maturity level.

If you want to have a friendship with her go ahead and do it, I don't think it'll be a good idea. I don't think that you'll get to the stage where it will develop into more than that if you are going to wait until she's old enough so I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment to be honest.

It's possible to have finished school at 16 y'know...

For a friendship it's fine as long as noone who doesn't know the situation can make accusations of anything more at either of you, because that'd be a long dangerous road for you to go down. Other than that ,yeah you're too old.

LegacyUser

steve06 wrote:

just think about the fact that she'll be going back to SCHOOL next month.... jail bait!

Before making a comment, please READ THE POSTS. She is not in school. She finished there 2 months ago, did her leaving cert.

Im not going to pursue this any futher, but im amazed at the amount of reponses from people who didnt even bother to actually read the posts!

smash

ok forget all the jokes about "well if the grass is there the pitch is playable" or "If she can crawl she's in the right positin" cos even though shs'e finished school and she might be mature you are lucky you found out before it got further because if someday you finished on a bad note she could have you in prison before you could blink!

OrangeOranges

Im not a typical fella that jumps right into bed

Im still staying a friend to her,, mainly because im not a prick

Aren't you wonderful? Clap clap to the 24 year old guy who hasn't slept with the 16 yr old!

And yes; you are being a prick by having any sort of a friendship with a 16 year old.

Back away from the 16 year old mister;
(and maybe keep yourself off the sex-offenders register while you're at it.)

Most of normal society will consider this situation seriously creepy.

Do you want to be regarded as a creep?

ps
Imagine if a 24 yr old dude was "friends" with your 16 yr old sister?
What kind of imaginery world are you living in?

The Sweeper

Older wrote:

Before making a comment, please READ THE POSTS. She is not in school. She finished there 2 months ago, did her leaving cert.

Im not going to pursue this any futher, but im amazed at the amount of reponses from people who didnt even bother to actually read the posts!

I've read the posts. You're in the position of being adored by someone who's so young they've not got enough experience to make informed relationship decisions. Do the adult thing and maintain a distant friendship until she has the chance to learn some lessons about life herself. You have an unfair advantage over her in that you've been through the formative adult years - which are really age 16-24. In those eight years your status as a person changes completely in the eyes of the law, society and even your own family.

If you date her through those years you will heavily, heavily influence the sort of person she becomes - far more so than if you were the same age as her. Subsequently you play a dual role - mentor as well as boyfriend. From that point of view it may well not be something you want to take on.

Anti

age gap is to big for friendship or more. espicially at that age. a 26 and a 34 year old is no problem at all. leave her play with the other kids in the playground.

Duckjob

OrangeOranges wrote:

Aren't you wonderful? Clap clap to the 24 year old guy who hasn't slept with the 16 yr old!

And yes; you are being a prick by having any sort of a friendship with a 16 year old.

Back away from the 16 year old mister;
(and maybe keep yourself off the sex-offenders register while you're at it.)

Most of normal society will consider this situation seriously creepy.

Do you want to be regarded as a creep?

ps
Imagine if a 24 yr old dude was "friends" with your 16 yr old sister?
What kind of imaginery world are you living in?

Wow, i've not seen such a snide and judgemental post in quite some time.

OP, once you to stick to being friends there's no problem.

dr.bollocko

I reckon that there is a gender based double standard here.

And what the **** is going on with all the supreme court justices suddenly posting here?
There were a string of lame attacks, mentioning laws against this sort of thing, and to be honest, most of the posters would sound more at home ringing Joe Duffy than posting here.
Also the guy is just freaked out. Found out he had a 20 year old friend he might want to have a relationship with, woohoo!
Then found out, yesterday or something that she was in fact 16!!!!
Wouldnt u be going through the "Holy ****!!!" stage still too?

Knock knock you judgemental shower of bastards, would u stop on and on about sex offenders list FFS and just give someone an answer, not a judgement.
Christ, youd think the guy came along and said "Hey, im a paedo, is that ok with you guys?"

How many of ye didnt have sex when you were 16, or thought at 16 that you were too young to have sex?

I didnt. And I dont resent any of the sexual partners i had when I was 16, though all of them were older, some quite a bit older.`

And the OP came back, again, and said, what was it, oh yeah...

"Right, firstly, I have not had sex with her. If you read my original post it says that. She also told me she was 20, until YESTERDAY. Most people posting here are under the assumption that Ive known about her age for a long time, and that Ive been sleeping with her. Im not a typical fella that jumps right into bed. What I like about her was she was a good laugh, loved very similar things to me. Shes finished school, so shes not in 3rd or 4th year. I havent slept with her. I was going out with like "a friend". Since Ive found out her age, Ive distanced myself from her hugely. Im still staying a friend to her,, mainly because im not a prick. Yes, at this point in time I am too old for her, I know that, but if you look at my post, I was wondering if it would be wrong to maintain a friendship with her, until shes older. Most people here have been extremley judgemental about me going to prison and sleeping with a child, but again, I NEVER DID. I have not intention of."

But nobody seemed to notice this succinct description of REALITY, what with your tut-tutting and judging I guess there wasnt time. Give the poor guy a break, he has been through the ringer.

OrangeOranges

The tut-tutting is completely justified.

This guy has continued contact with the girl even after he found out the truth.

All these people saying "its ok once its no more than friends"!!
What in the name of god does a 24 year old have in common with a 16 year old to base a friendship on?

Duckjob

OrangeOranges wrote:

The tut-tutting is completely justified.

This guy has continued contact with the girl even after he found out the truth.

All these people saying "its ok once its no more than friends"!!
What in the name of god does a 24 year old have in common with a 16 year old to base a friendship on?

You can tut-tut all you like, but the common grounds they may find on which to base a friendship is actually none of your business nor mine or anyone elses.

dr.bollocko

OrangeOranges wrote:

The tut-tutting is completely justified.

This guy has continued contact with the girl even after he found out the truth.

All these people saying "its ok once its no more than friends"!!
What in the name of god does a 24 year old have in common with a 16 year old to base a friendship on?

This sounds to me like a hang up that you personally have about 16 year old girls and not something that should be shared as valid advice on a forum. People being 8 years apart in age does not mean that they couldnt have anything in common, to say otherwise is, frankly, moronic. Also he did say that he had broken contact with her as soon as he found out she was 16. Again, he said he found out yesterday. When you are trying to back up a point, please make sure you have a point to back up first.

LegacyUser

dr.bollocko wrote:

This sounds to me like a hang up that you personally have about 16 year old girls and not something that should be shared as valid advice on a forum. People being 8 years apart in age does not mean that they couldnt have anything in common, to say otherwise is, frankly, moronic. Also he did say that he had broken contact with her as soon as he found out she was 16. Again, he said he found out yesterday. When you are trying to back up a point, please make sure you have a point to back up first.

Thank you, as well as the others who actually bothered reading my post and giving proper advice. All ye judgemental people there, answer this, assuming you bother to read this, if she never told me her real age, and I was with her for a 10 years, and then found out, what would you think? She would then be 26, and me 34. Nothing would have changed legally and judgementally. Yes yes. I know this is a totally far fetched idea, but if all the people who said I was basically a "sex offender" and that I could possibly never have anything in common with her, could answer that properly, then I will be amazed that there are people who can sit on the fence. FFS, READ MY POSTS. Jesus, its not a hard thing to do.

small

If i were you buddy I would definitely leave her to herself for a good few years, at least til she's 20/21. Keep a very distant friendship with her eg. when you see her in the pub be nice, say hi, ask how she's doing and walk away (make sure you walk away damn it). There's plenty of things very different people can find to base a friendship on, so don't take the judgement of the closed-minded to heart. They just can't think outside the box (no pun intended). As the girl who has dated much older guys, she'll appreciate you more for it when she's older. And you probably will too.

Húrin

16 and 24? Sorry but that's just ridiculous.

iFight

H&#250 wrote: »

16 and 24? Sorry but that's just ridiculous.

Agreed, its just wrong.

qwytre

Bad idea, she is way too young for you. Her parents would have none of it, and neither would yours.

There is nothing you can do, she is too young. 16 and 24, its just not right. It may be legal but its not right. Now if was 3 or 4 years into the future then yeah it wouldnt be so bad at 20 and 28.

SpAcEd OuT

Can't you get any girls your own age?

I think its pretty creepy that a 24yr old wants to hang out with a 16yr old child to be honest, not advocating violence but if I found out my 16yr old sister was hanging around with a lad in his 20s I'd certainly pay him a visit to ask him wtf hes at

Try find some women your own age instead of children

challengemaster

the "rule" is half yer age +7, so someone 19 should be the youngest you're going after

in fairness, she could think that you still want a relationship with her if you continue seeing her, even as a friend, its best to break away from her totally rather than give her a wrong idea about the matter

oRlyYaRly

You obviously like this girl and I think you should remain friends with her. Don't even think about "Maybe in a few years we could hook up" though. You should really just let that go altogether or you might get tempted to restart a relationship with her.

I completely disagree with those posters who think it's f*cked up for a 24yo and a 16yo to be friends. I'm 15 and have siblings in their 20s and we have plenty to talk about it. It's no different than chatting with a Japanese/French etc. person. Sure, you've expierienced things, but wouldn't converstations be dull if we didnt't have new information for the other person?

It could only be a good thing for this girl to have an older friend, someone she can confide in, someone she can get advice from. Heck, he might not be able to let go of his urge to get it on with her, but what harm can an unexplored urge do?