One for the lads - how close are you to your Dad?

faceman

Interesting discussion with me mates in the boozer over male bonding with their fathers. Alot of irish males dont seem to have a close relationship with their Da's. What are you thoughts/experiences?

Plug

I do but not that close:D

Chakar

Well if you had a close relationship we all get fed up with the niceties, just like keep it civil and pleasant.

faceman

Jaysus i dont mean close as in dodgy close!!!

Chakar

faceman wrote:

Interesting discussion with me mates in the boozer over male bonding with their fathers. Alot of irish males dont seem to have a close relationship with their Da's. What are you thoughts/experiences?

tbh

SoupyNorman

We are more mates then father/son, the closest we get is when we go for pints.

Endurance Man

Play golf with my dad every weekend, work with him some days, would say we are rather close.

Terry

before he died, extremely close.
while physically different in appearance, we had the same mannerisms and traits.
damn it. now i'm getting all emotional.

Aard

Not very close tbh.

New_Departure06

I had an appallingly negative relationship with my father when I lived with him. Endless shouting at each other followed by keeping our distance before then sortof getting on for a while before it all started again. My mother was also subject to being yelled at for stupid reasons and it affected her health so much so that she collapsed and had to spend some time in hospital, during which she was unable to wake up and we were fearful she might die. However it turns out there was no prospect of her dying. She was just in a deep clinical depression. Eventually she came out of it but her behaviour when she was awake reflected what I have said e.g. she thought her sister was still alive (she died in 1997). She forgot what year it was. And when I tried to leave the hospital later she grabbed my arm and burst into tears and asked me not to leave. Thankfully this eventually sorted itself out with the right medication, but she blames dad for what happened, and I happen to agree. She eventually moved out as she could take no more. He never hit her, but psychologically it was hard to take such a difficult man as dad.

I also moved out. He has actually hit me in the past, and flew off the handle for stupid reasons. He resented my lack of masculinity and accused me of being gay (which I am). Consequently he would nag me to "act normal" in terms of talking more "manly" etc. I eventually also moved out, though I didn't tell him this was the reason. Relations with him are actually now quite okay. I put this down to the absence of opportunity for argument. But I would not go as far as to say we are friends.

Brian Capture

My father's name is Powder.

Heyes

From an outsider looking in a lot of my friends are luckily extremely close to there dads. A few have lost there dads, and they always speak of the fond memories and experiences that they shared with there dad which is always nice to hear. Everyone has there rough patches, but all and all they seem to be good.

Aard

How old are you, New_Departure06?

Tar.Aldarion

Not very close at all no. Then again, I wouldn't let many people get close to me.

Ruu_Old

Never very close with my dad, now ever more apart seeing as I'm 3,500 miles away. *sniffle* Sorry just...something in my eye there.

[Jackass]

Not close at all really...never do stuff together and never have.

Would never say it to him, but it is one of the main disappointments of my life so far.

Aard

DubGuy wrote:

Not close at all really...never do stuff together and never have.

Would never say it to him, but it is one of the main disappointments of my life so far.

More than likely, he feels the same way.

Heyes

DubGuy wrote:

Not close at all really...never do stuff together and never have.

Would never say it to him, but it is one of the main disappointments of my life so far.

Why dont you change it thought ? You seem to want to

New_Departure06

Aard wrote:

How old are you, New_Departure06?

28 why?

bizmark

Very i cant think of a better father to have i love him more than anyone alive and would quite happly die for him.

Truely a great man Tbh

Terry

New_Departure06 wrote:

I had an appallingly negative relationship with my father when I lived with him. Endless shouting at each other followed by keeping our distance before then sortof getting on for a while before it all started again. My mother was also subject to being yelled at for stupid reasons and it affected her health so much so that she collapsed and had to spend some time in hospital, during which she was unable to wake up and we were fearful she might die. However it turns out there was no prospect of her dying. She was just in a deep clinical depression. Eventually she came out of it but her behaviour when she was awake reflected what I have said e.g. she thought her sister was still alive (she died in 1997). She forgot what year it was. And when I tried to leave the hospital later she grabbed my arm and burst into tears and asked me not to leave. Thankfully this eventually sorted itself out with the right medication, but she blames dad for what happened, and I happen to agree. She eventually moved out as she could take no more. He never hit her, but psychologically it was hard to take such a difficult man as dad.

I also moved out. He has actually hit me in the past, and flew off the handle for stupid reasons. He resented my lack of masculinity and accused me of being gay (which I am). Consequently he would nag me to "act normal" in terms of talking more "manly" etc. I eventually also moved out, though I didn't tell him this was the reason. Relations with him are actually now quite okay. I put this down to the absence of opportunity for argument. But I would not go as far as to say we are friends.

that can't have been easy.
i lived with an uncle for a while after my mother died. he was a complete prick. i know all about mental torture.

as for the gay thing, my father thought i was gay for a while because he never saw me with a woman. he was cool with it though. although he was happy when he caught me with a woman on the couch one night.

Aard

New_Departure06 wrote:

28 why?

Well you said that you moved out; I was thinking of doing the same thing, and just was wondering if you were around my age. But now I see that you're old enough to be out there by yourself, whereas I'd be in no shape to leave home just yet.

Zascar

Extremely good relationship, We talk most days, he knows pretty much most things about what is going on in my life, however we do not talk about very personal things really. I don't tell him about girls etc. Its mostly do do with Business, work, life goings on, some social and friends etc. I'm pretty open about most things with both my parents. Its a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Even when it comes to things they don't like, i respect them enough not to lie to them. e.g. drugs. I'm pretty much completely honest with my parents that way. They know I'm not an idiot and I'm not going to ruin my life, so although they obviously don't like it, they know I occaisionally do recreational drugs. They like to remind me to be carefull etc all the time but generally trust me to take care of myself. Can't ask for a much better relationship than that really.

Setun

Legend tbh. Very encouraging when it comes to my interests <music/art etc>, always helps out when he can. He's invested a lot of money into my life, so hopefully I'll pay him back somehow <probs not in any fiscal manner though >

Fajitas!

Myself and my Da are very good friends... Always there for me etc etc.

AngryBadger

damnable close, I get on great with my old man. but then we're very alike in many regards.

L31mr0d

Yeah I don't know if its an Irish thing or worldwide thing, but even though i'm relatively close to my dad, the physical barrier is always there. There wouldn't be a lot of hugging and so forth. Its funny because its like the old cliché that you come to respect your parents the older you get. I finally realised for me anyway this is because as I grew up, all the good traits of my father I assumed where normal for every older man and all I could see was the bad. But now in retrospect I see that most men don't have the good traits of my father and the bad was purely meant to discipline me. My dad is very tight lipped, and would keep most conversations on surface matters but where he shows his affection would be in doing things without question for his children, he will always drop anything to help out or offer support. He's of the old fashioned Irish man ideal that you work hard, support your family, and that is all. All other matters concerning the children is looked after by the mother.

I think this is why a lot of people coming out of families with parents who grew up in the 50-60's will probably have a cool relationship with their father as the work to build that relationship wasn't there. A lot of Irish men now would of been moddey coddled by their mothers, and a lot of ex girlfriends of my friends have said that they always felt they where competing with their boyfriends mother for attention. But i'd say the generation that grew up in the 60-70's are the ones that have a better relationship with their fathers as woman began to work and men began to take more of a role in the household.

Its funny, I remember an interview with Bono before about his relationship with his father. When asked how come he can approach world leaders, Icons and religious heads and ask them questions no one else would dare and yet he could not build up the courage to ring his own father and say hello he said "its just the irish way, thats the way things are"

Guy:Incognito

I have to say I'm very close to my dad. He doesnt live at home anymore but I work with him 6 days a week and we play football (5 a side, not on our own ) twice a week. We go drinking (used to be 1 or 2 times a week but not anymore, mostly due to my laziness in not going out. We still go for a drink every now and then.

Amazotheamazing

My father died when I was relatively young (late teens), it's a huge regret of mine that I never got to know him as a man, and not just as a father.

He sacraficed an awful lot for all of his children, it would have been nice to say thanks.

monkeyfudge

I'm not on speaking terms with over 50% of my immediate family.. but I get on okay with my father I guess... I try to visit him at the zoo whenever I get the chance anyway...

Smellyirishman

My dad is a man I hold the utmost respect for. We go to dublin games together, ocassionally golf (I don't particularly enjoy it but he does so it's grand) etc.... and over the past few months we have been in training to cycle Galway-Dublin in tandem (on the weekend of the 22nd hopefully).


My dad owns all your dads.

nesf

We get on pretty well. We're both stubborn bastards so when we butt heads we tend to get pretty pissed off with each other but we get over it quickly too so there's some balance anyways.

We work together which changes the relationship a lot. It means a lot more disagreements but a lot more in common, so it all works out tbh.

There definitely is a culture divide between us, mostly due to the times we grew up in and how they shaped out attitudes (I'm pretty "traditional for my age" but so is he, which can be problematic).

projectmayhem

i get on well with my dad but i wouldn't say we're close. i tend to distance myself from my family a lot. no reason other then i hate telling people so close to me about myself all the time. i was in a year-long relationship and they didn't know until about 6 months in

cooker3

DubGuy wrote:

Not close at all really...never do stuff together and never have.

Would never say it to him, but it is one of the main disappointments of my life so far.

Exactly the same for me as well. Also he has been rather ill lately and is rather weak which sort of makes it worse for me as well.

Big Nelly

think the best way to describe is one of his favorite words...."Grand"

Ronan|Raven

Over the years we have become very good mates. He has always been great though and both him and my mum made great sacrifices so we could have a good upbringing and as much comforts as we could afford. We goto a lot of footy together and are both fanatics and enjoy quaffing ale which helps!

Only since I had moved away and you get to think about things do you realise how fortunate to have good parents and really can thank them now and hopefully help make things good for them so they can have a comfortable life outside of having had me and bro terrorising them

bennyx_o

I'm pretty close to my dad, we'd occasionally go for a few drinks, watch the football together etc etc.

Ph3n0m

Meh, guess I really dont know my dad, since he ****ed off when I was 5 and had another family. That said, I do rarely txt him, but thats it. He has his family and I am just his token oldest son

gandalf

My father passed last year.

But I was lucky I had a very good relationship with him. People remarked that we were more like brothers than father and son. The man had such enthusiasm for life, curiousity for new things and loved talking to people. He has shaped my attitude to life more than any other person, always optimistic no matter how bad things got.

I do miss him alot but remember the good times fondly. He was a gentleman and a template for what a man should be.

New_Departure06

New_Departure06 wrote:

I had an appallingly negative relationship with my father when I lived with him. Endless shouting at each other followed by keeping our distance before then sortof getting on for a while before it all started again. My mother was also subject to being yelled at for stupid reasons and it affected her health so much so that she collapsed and had to spend some time in hospital, during which she was unable to wake up and we were fearful she might die. However it turns out there was no prospect of her dying. She was just in a deep clinical depression. Eventually she came out of it but her behaviour when she was awake reflected what I have said e.g. she thought her sister was still alive (she died in 1997). She forgot what year it was. And when I tried to leave the hospital later she grabbed my arm and burst into tears and asked me not to leave. Thankfully this eventually sorted itself out with the right medication, but she blames dad for what happened, and I happen to agree. She eventually moved out as she could take no more. He never hit her, but psychologically it was hard to take such a difficult man as dad.

I also moved out. He has actually hit me in the past, and flew off the handle for stupid reasons. He resented my lack of masculinity and accused me of being gay (which I am). Consequently he would nag me to "act normal" in terms of talking more "manly" etc. I eventually also moved out, though I didn't tell him this was the reason. Relations with him are actually now quite okay. I put this down to the absence of opportunity for argument. But I would not go as far as to say we are friends.

I know this might be slightly off topic but this story is exactly the way thing's are with me and my mam, we just dont get on as she's majorly controlling, I get on brilliantly with my dad and this further annoys her!
My dad has heart problems and my mam endlessly stresses him
I moved out this weekend, and tbh I did it for my dad!

DamienH

Zascar wrote:

Extremely good relationship, We talk most days, he knows pretty much most things about what is going on in my life, however we do not talk about very personal things really. I don't tell him about girls etc. Its mostly do do with Business, work, life goings on, some social and friends etc. I'm pretty open about most things with both my parents. Its a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Even when it comes to things they don't like, i respect them enough not to lie to them. e.g. drugs. I'm pretty much completely honest with my parents that way. They know I'm not an idiot and I'm not going to ruin my life, so although they obviously don't like it, they know I occaisionally do recreational drugs. They like to remind me to be carefull etc all the time but generally trust me to take care of myself. Can't ask for a much better relationship than that really.

That sums my old man up exactly. Freakishly similar

Táck

im lucky in a way. i've two dads. not in the gay way!!!

my mam and birth father broke up when i was 4 or 5 and he moved to Spain. my mam got with a new man and has been with him ever since. 19 years later. he is my adopted dad.

i get on great with them both. my birth father comes over at least twice a year and we always go out on the lash together and have a great time. my adopted dad isn't really a pub drinker but i'd talk to him more about my work, finances, new house etc etc. i love them both to bits and there both, in their own way, great men to aspire too.

jeez this topic is a bit much the monday after a bender at oxygen.

i need a hug

hottstuff

julep wrote:

before he died, extremely close.
while physically different in appearance, we had the same mannerisms and traits.
damn it. now i'm getting all emotional.

Same here , regrets though make me feel , i could have been closer.:(

Sabre0001

Very close I have to admit...But then again I am with all of my immediate family, we get on great...

Sam Vimes

this is a rough transcript of a conversation with my dad a few weeks ago:

(background: he has a provisional license and maintains he's not going to bother trying to pass his test anymore)

me: they're contracting out the driving tests to a private company and when they get the waiting list down to two months, people will have to pass a test or get off the road (true as far as i know, someone may correct me)

him: they won't do it, it'll cost too much money

me: well they are doing it

him: they love having provisional drivers because they pay higher insurance etc

me: well apparently not because they are doing it

him: provisional drivers are the safest drivers on the road

me: are you saying that someone who repeatedly fails their test is a better driver than someone who passes first time?

(he storms off and into the kitchen to my mother. i can still hear)

him to my mother: he's saying he's a better driver than me
(i've had one driving lesson)

this point is where, when i was younger, a huge shouting match would follow where i tried to explain that i never said what he's accusing me of while he says i'm trying to give him a heart attack among many other melodramatic and retarded statements, including, on one memorable occasion: "why don't you just stab me? you clearly want to"

as with new_departure06, all this fighting affected the health of my mother so about a year ago i just gave up trying to reason with him. in order to reason with someone, they have to be listening to what you're saying and not just making your part of the conversation up in the hopes that no ones notices he's wrong. when he accused me of saying i'm a better driver than him, i just walked away and remembered why i avoid talking to him

needless to say, the relationship's not that great

Aard

I wish my dad would read this thread so maybe he'd realise that it's normal not to have an A+ relationship with your son. It really annoys him that we're not closer, and seems to think we're the only family in the world like that. ó.ò

Angels

Im not a lad, but i feel the need to post here. Like some of the boardsters i don't get on with my Dad at all. I've always wished as his daughter we could be closer but it reverts back to his relationship with his own dad. My grandfather had a brutal relationship with my Dad (he treated him very badly mentally abusing him all his life, even up until his deathbed). My Dad is upset about this but won't admit it & feels the need to become a counsellor not to be counselled, which i find disturbing. I often feel like history is repeating itself as in the relationship i have with my Dad now. I can't talk to him at all about anything because he turns our converstaions into a lecture, starts to wind himself up & ends up shouting at me.

He writes alot of speeches for his Toastmaster competitions & speaks of praise about his father which is totally fabricated. I think he lives in a fantasy world where he thinks & believes he had a great relationship with his own father when he didn't have any at all.

As mostly men posting here are there any of you guys that have a relationship with your father like this??

bringitdown

At 27 I am not close but have a functional relationship with my Da. I not sure I'd want to get close so to speak we are very different people, I have a deep respect for him and I think/hope he respects me that is enough for me.

Just out of interest, on the flipside, I have a fairly close relationship with Maw.

muppetkiller

I have a super relationship with my Dad as I do with Mum too.
When my good friends Dad passed away about 10 years ago it really hit me that I didn't know my father as well as I wanted too.
Since then we're like two peas in a pod..Drink every Sunday evening with his friends (He loves this as his friends Sons never join them). We love sport so it's easy to go to matches and the races together. He's also a total gentleman
and the ladies have him to thank for getting me to open your doors and making sure you sit down before I'm allowed at dinner lol.
He's a very silly person and I love that as i've also inherited his silly humor.
As they used to say too he's the kinda guy you'd go to war with

Actually I think I'll call him up and go for a pint later hehe.

tbh

I get on great with my dad, didn't always tho. Nothing major, just the usual teenage-angst, but since he's grown out of that we get on great

My folks split up when I was 12 and I was always closer to my mam (and my dad to my sister), but he was always there for me, always did whatever he could to help me out and never once complained about it. He'd of course give out and shout from time to time, but anytime there was anything serious, he'd always be really calm and give me great advice - I always used to physically feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders after I'd talked to him. When I was in college at night (which he paid for) he'd come and collect me when classes finished at 9:30 and bring me home - which was a long trip. When I came home from Aus I lived with him for six months and had a great time - really missed him when I moved out. When I started my job, I had to make a trip to the states and was really nervous. He rang me while I was at the airport and told me he was proud of me and that he couldn't do what I do - I was sitting at butlers cafe with the tears coming down my face. He's a good lad, and I know he frequents boards as well, so dad - I love ya, and I'm grateful.


feckin grit in my eye now.

Kernel32

I have very little relationship with my dad. He was not a good father. I occasionally feel sorry for him but it passes quickly. I have no idea who he really is as a person and he doesn't know who I am even though we lived together for 20 years. We are separated by 3000+ miles and that actually improved the relationship. I speak to him for a few minutes every two or three weeks and visit him when I am back over.