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boyfriend taking advantage

  • 28-06-2006 11:13pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok the other night i was a bit too drunk. Me and my boyfriend haven't been going out for very long and anyway, to cut a long story short, he took advantage of me when i was very drunk and he wasn't.
    Now he knows i wouldnt have let him go that far had i been sober, but i haven't talked about it to him since so basically i'm wondering should i, or do guys really just usually presume that if you're drinking that much you're willing to go further then before.
    I'm not going to dump him or anything but I'm pretty inexperienced and I just don't know if he's going to lose respect for me or something if I don't confront this face to face.
    Tell me what you think anyway please


«1

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,730 ✭✭✭✭simu


    Stop drinking so much if you find you end up having regrets next day tbh. Probably the fact that you didn't say no meant he presumed you didn't object.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    What age are you?

    Young men (late teens) can be particularly selfish when it comes to sex. Sometimes it can be tough to draw the line between your girlfriend who's a little too drunk, and the girl who seems to be up for anything.

    The issue of consent is a thorny one. At what point do you stop being a self-deciding person, and become devoid of the ability to control what happens? If you can remember it happening, then clearly you weren't so drunk that you didn't consider what he was doing and decide to allow it happen.
    If you were enticing him to do these things, or otherwise letting him know that you wanted to do these things then I would say to watch your drinking. If on the other hand, you were simply not resisting and, as you put it, "letting him" do these things without any cogent yes or no either way, then you need to say it to him.
    He may lose respect for you, but chances are it'll be more of a case of "Oh great, I hope she gets drunk tonight, then I can <insert lewd act here>".

    Have a look at why you wouldn't go that far when sober, and what it was in your drunkenness to allow it this time.


  • Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,504 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    pscllm wrote:
    Ok the other night i was a bit too drunk. Me and my boyfriend haven't been going out for very long and anyway, to cut a long story short, he took advantage of me when i was very drunk and he wasn't.
    Now he knows i wouldnt have let him go that far had i been sober, but i haven't talked about it to him since so basically i'm wondering should i, or do guys really just usually presume that if you're drinking that much you're willing to go further then before.

    this sounds like he raped you.


    I'm very sorry to hear about what happened, what i would recomend is you call the Dublin rape crisis center, ( i dont know where in the country your from, but its a free phone number)


    [FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica][SIZE=-1]FREEPHONE 1800 778888

    Joe
    [/SIZE][/FONT]


  • Posts: 8,647 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    this sounds like he raped you.


    I'm very sorry to hear about what happened, what i would recomend is you call the Dublin rape crisis center, ( i dont know where in the country your from, but its a free phone number)


    [FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica][SIZE=-1]FREEPHONE 1800 778888

    Joe
    [/SIZE][/FONT]
    Thats a bit extreme.
    I doubt it was rape.


  • Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,504 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    Thats a bit extreme.
    I doubt it was rape.
    Wikipedia wrote:
    Rape is a crime where the victim is forced into sexual activity, in particular sexual penetration, against his or her will through use of physical force, threat of injury, or other duress. It is also considered rape if the victim is unable to say "no" to intercourse, due to the effects of drugs or alcohol.

    from here


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Hmmm...well I'd agree with the drinking less advice. If you ever get to the point where you don't know what you're doing you're in trouble.

    As for it being rape. The OP obviously doesn't feel that it was, however she did say that she wouldn't have let her boyfriend go as far as he did if she was sober, and whats worse, he knew this. Was the OP so drunk that she said she wanted it to happen or did the OP not know what was happening?
    That's the big difference.

    If it was a case of a drunken mistake on your part then you should just tell him that you're not comfortable with it and make a concerted effort to cut back on the drinking.

    If you didn't know what was happening and he continued on anyway, knowing full well you were off your face and would never have let him do it if you were sober, then I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

    You say yourself that you are inexperienced and you need to discuss this with your boyfriend. If he has any respect for you at all it won't be a problem for him to wait until you are ready (and sober!). If you let it go without saying anything, I mean it clearly made you uncomfortable enough for you to post here, then he may think that anytime you're off your face it's fine for him to take advantage.

    Say it to him. If he acts like a príck then get rid.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,504 ✭✭✭Nehpets


    The OP never said it was rape. You're jumping to conclusions even though you don't know the full story or even a full side of the story :rolleyes: Rape is a very serious thing to accuse someone of.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,033 ✭✭✭Chakar


    he took advantage of me when i was very drunk and he wasn't.

    I'm very worried about this particular line.Can you elaborate please OP?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 36 TheTruthFairy


    pscllm wrote:
    I'm not going to dump him or anything but I'm pretty inexperienced and I just don't know if he's going to lose respect for me or something if I don't confront this face to face.

    Sounds like he doesn't respect you to begin with. Nor does it sound as though you have much respect for yourself. You're obviously not comfortable with what happened, why do you want to stay with him?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 420 ✭✭Tony255


    this sounds like he raped you.


    I'm very sorry to hear about what happened, what i would recomend is you call the Dublin rape crisis center, ( i dont know where in the country your from, but its a free phone number)


    [FONT=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica][SIZE=-1]FREEPHONE 1800 778888

    Joe
    [/SIZE][/FONT]

    Thats a bit too much, it wasn't exactly against her will at the time. but it was still out of order though if he knew that you wouldnt go that far when sober, to be honest you are probably being too easy on him it sound like a serious lack of respect issue i know i definately wouldnt even think of doing that to my girlfriend.

    I wish she did it to me though from time to time ;)


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    This is serious. Whether it is rape or not, you are going out with a boy ( I wouldn't call him a man) who is willing to take advantage of you. Boyfriends are meant to take you home when you're drunk, and protect you, not use you. I would leave this guy immediately.

    And I'd also learn possibly, how much I could drink and still be in control of myself.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,539 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Agree with everyone here that suggests that you should drink less. As to having that chat about what happened, at some point it might be good, but when, if you really like him, is the issue? Timing can be important.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    I have edited my post and will leave only this perhaps others should do the same til we know more?:

    Did he use protection? that is something to consider.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,064 ✭✭✭Gurgle


    -edit- opinion removed


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 850 ✭✭✭DOLEMAN


    I think we need more details about this story before we start talking about rape. I'd like to hear his side of the story.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,818 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    This thread is taking a dangerous course. The OP is obviously quite young & could possibly be strongly influenced (rightly or wrongly) by some of the replies. I'd question whether any of us really should be giving advice on this highly sensitive situation.

    Any PI Mod care to give a lead here?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    I've been watching this carefully, and I'm beginning to be very concerned with the subject matter.

    I would like the original poster to reply, and let us know what age she is.

    I would recommend that all following posters avoid mentioning rape until we know more details.

    Please follow my warnings or I will ban you with immediate effect.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,956 ✭✭✭layke


    Disregarding the rape thing as it seems over the top for me regarding this situation and besides if you didn't say no at the time.....

    No offense darlin, but drink just makes you care less things and makes you do what it is you want to do.

    Fair enough if you had passed out buy it sounds to me like you were concious enough about it. Although more info on that would shed a little more light on the situation.

    Tbh if you don't have it out with the boyfriend it may happen again.

    We don't know your BF, has he had sex before? were you his first? Is he actually a nice bloke (because no one here can tell dispite the theorys going).


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    I would like to echo what Dudara has said.

    The OP said absolutely nothing about being raped. In fact she said she was staying with her b/f.

    I want to hear no more talk of rape from the rest of you until the OP comes back and clears things up.

    OP
    What age are you?
    I am guessing that you are young, you seem to feel he will loose respect for you, even though you said yourself that if you had been sober you wouldn't have done this and he knows that fact.
    Honestly it's his own self respect he should be worried about, taking advantage of someone when they are drunk is pretty low in my opinion, feel quite free to point this out to him.
    Is this your main concern?
    Are you bothered about it on any other level, what exactly are your feelings on this whole episode?
    From a health point of view, was protection used?
    If you are still happy to be with him then absolutely talk to him about this.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    Lux23 wrote:
    Any man that has sex or goes too far with a girl who is too drunk to make a proper decision is bordering on rape.
    I really do hate this sensationalist crap. It's not helpful in the slightest. Define "too far"; define "too drunk"; define "proper decision"; define "bordering on".

    People, particularly Irish people, use drink to interact with the opposite sex. It's lowers our inhibitions. Sometimes we get too drunk and we make mistakes. That's a part of life. If you can say "no" but decide not to, you are making a decision. If you are drunk when you make that decision, you are still making the decision.

    If you are unable to make the decision (ie: passed out/inable to comprehend whats going on around you) that's an ENTIRLY different matter. Until you are told to that effect, don't jump to that conclusion. It's damaging.
    Its a tricky case but she has stated that she didn't want to go as far as he took it.
    Yes, but that was hindsight. She didn't say that she said "no"; she didn't say she passed out. For all we know (and to be honest it's what I'm assuming) she got carried away in the heat of the moment, and regrets it. It's unfortunate, but it's life.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    Im only going on what information she gave us but I take your point.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    pscllm wrote:
    I'm not going to dump him or anything but I'm pretty inexperienced and I just don't know if he's going to lose respect for me or something if I don't confront this face to face.
    Tell me what you think anyway please
    Then you should talk to him face to face. If he loses respect for you then that's his problem and you should walk away while you can.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,817 ✭✭✭✭po0k


    He's probably gutted. If he isn't, he will be once you communicate your feelings to him.

    Damn the consequences, TALK.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    I have been thinking about this and I probably did put 2 and 2 together and get 289 from my own experiences which is wrong. What the other posters are saying about talking to him about this is probably right. I will edit the other post.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Rape? Seriously, for the love of fsking God, I do wish some people would wake up, smell the coffee and stop jumping to such cretinous conclusions.

    Rape implies that consent was either denied or simply could not be given and while the OP was drunk there is no reason to believe that this precluded her from the ability to give or withhold consent. If she was unconscious drunk, sure, but she’s not said that - all she’s said is that she was drunk and he was not (although I would have to question what she meant by the latter).

    Frankly, if a drunken shag was tantamount to rape, then pretty much every Irishman would be guilty, given the over dependence on alcohol in this country. People do stupid things when drunk and younger Irish women, in particular, will be more open to sex - sometimes it’s the only time they can have sex. If alcohol has impaired one’s judgment, this does not absolve one from a bad decision - otherwise we might as well absolve every drunk driver too.

    Advice to the OP - if you don’t want to end up in such a situation, don’t drink so much or simple say no even when drunk. If you were unconscious or physically incapable of giving consent then you have been raped, otherwise you’ve probably no one but yourself to blame (although if he was not at all drunk himself I would find his behaviour quite creepy).

    Will he lose respect for you? Is this that you ‘put out too quickly’? I don’t know - it depends upon how he sees things. Some guys are essentially still stuck in the middle ages in this regard, while others wouldn’t be bothered. Ask him; he’s the only one who can answer that question.

    Indeed, I think telling him that you’re quite annoyed as you didn’t want things to go so far so quickly may be your best course of action, as it will let him know how you feel about it and prompt him to tell you how he feels.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,380 ✭✭✭daRobot


    Jesus christ, will y'all cop on.

    OP, your argument here is based on the perception that he 'took advantage' of you.Honestly what a load of crap, it's a total cop out on your part.

    This is the typical line that comes out of a girl when they wanted to do something, did it when drunk, and then feel a bit slutty in retrospect.Ever consider that you got this drunk, because you deep down, wanted this to happed.

    YOU are the one who got yourself into that state with booze, and you are therefore responsible for yourself and your actions.You cant expect your boyfriend to think "She's well up for it now, but I mustn't do anything because she probably wouldn't do this when she's sober".Drink will bring some sexual repression out of you very quickly sometimes.

    This reminds me of a girl I used to see, who was usually very uptight in bed.One night we drank quite a lot and she turned into a total sex crazed monster, asking me to do all kinds of crazy stuff to her (Which I duly obliged!).Next morning she's asking me did I spike her drink??.......Sickening behaviour to try and blame someone else, to pawn off your own guilt.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 365 ✭✭ronanp


    If this had happened the other way around, would anyone at all even consider the word rape as being relevant? **** no.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    daRobot - please don't be so rude to the OP. We don't know all the circumstances here.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    @darobot- Just because that happened to you with another girl that may not be the case with this girl. Your obviously angry with your former girlfriend but taking it out as someone else in not acceptable!! You really should apologise.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,380 ✭✭✭daRobot


    I don't think I should apologise at all.

    I'm truly sick of this whole "I'm absolving myself of any personal responsiblility because I was drunk"

    It's not fair to label men as predatory like this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    @daRobot: It's fine to feel that way in general, but please don't presume it to be the case here. That's all.

    Please keep it civil.

    - dudara


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,818 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    I agree that our actions under the influence of alcohol are our own responsibility. That said...
    daRobot wrote:
    Jesus christ, will y'all cop on.

    OP, your argument here is based on the perception that he 'took advantage' of you.Honestly what a load of crap, it's a total cop out on your part.
    The OP is obviously young & somewhat confused & upset about her experience. I don't think that having a pop at her like that is constructive.
    daRobot wrote:
    This is the typical line that comes out of a girl when they wanted to do something, did it when drunk, and then feel a bit slutty in retrospect.Ever consider that you got this drunk, because you deep down, wanted this to happed.
    Likewise your generalisations about "typical" behaviour & the implication that she may "feel a bit slutty in retrospect" are out of order.
    daRobot wrote:
    This reminds me of a girl I used to see, who was usually very uptight in bed.One night we drank quite a lot and she turned into a total sex crazed monster, asking me to do all kinds of crazy stuff to her (Which I duly obliged!).
    Bully for you.
    daRobot wrote:
    Next morning she's asking me did I spike her drink??.......Sickening behaviour to try and blame someone else, to pawn off your own guilt.
    Not sickening behaviour. Just someone who maybe trying to rationalise what they experienced. Maybe they couldn't come to terms with their actions? If she had accused you of spiking her drink while knowing that it was her drinking that caused her to behave that way - then that would be bad behaviour.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    daRobot wrote:
    Jesus christ, will y'all cop on.

    OP, your argument here is based on the perception that he 'took advantage' of you.Honestly what a load of crap, it's a total cop out on your part.

    This is the typical line that comes out of a girl when they wanted to do something, did it when drunk, and then feel a bit slutty in retrospect.Ever consider that you got this drunk, because you deep down, wanted this to happed.

    YOU are the one who got yourself into that state with booze, and you are therefore responsible for yourself and your actions.You cant expect your boyfriend to think "She's well up for it now, but I mustn't do anything because she probably wouldn't do this when she's sober".Drink will bring some sexual repression out of you very quickly sometimes.

    This reminds me of a girl I used to see, who was usually very uptight in bed.One night we drank quite a lot and she turned into a total sex crazed monster, asking me to do all kinds of crazy stuff to her (Which I duly obliged!).Next morning she's asking me did I spike her drink??.......Sickening behaviour to try and blame someone else, to pawn off your own guilt.

    I think this is all a very fair point. The purpose of PI is to draw comparisons to situtions experienced by yourself and try to help out the OP. I don't think daRobot is saying this is what the girl in question did, but the situation reminds him of an experience with another girl.

    The rape claims are spurious on the info. given, and I find the cries of boyfriend 'taking advantage of' very unfair! Did the OP say 'no'? Did she partake in these activities? Did she promote them? Until she answers 'no' to all these it seems a case of 'regret'. I'd feel absolutely terrible if a girl I had sex with and fooled with while drunk started saying I took advantage of her. We all have experiences with girls that become markedly randier with a few drinks on them, and yes some might feel a bit embarassed or guilty the next day for going as far as they have.

    In this case it was with her boyfriend. If she feels bad at what happened she just needs to tell him, and remind him that even if she appears to be up for it (whatever it is) when drunk, that he should not follow through with it - as she is only happy experiencing certain sexual acts for the first time while sober.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Let's not derail this thread with interpersonal spats.

    darobot unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum take the time to read the rules in the charter.

    Actually Angents smiths advice to ring the cirisis centre is a good one.
    they deal with a range of issues not just rape. FREEPHONE 1800 778888
    and talk to them about what you are feeling about what happened

    IF you were not expecting to have sex then you have to look at emergency contraception. I would suggest you get in touch with your dr or www.ifpa.ie or the www.wellwoman.ie the morning after pill can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex.

    You do need to talk to your bf about this, why would dealing with what happened like an adult and asking the questions about did you use a condom or owning up to the fact you had too much to drink and you are not happy with what happened taking responsibilty for your part in what happened make him loose respect for you ?

    You have to respect yourself enough to mind yourself and finding out what happened and clearly sorting out what your boundaries are, and that you do not want to have drunken sex again is part of that.

    If he has had sexual partners before then you have the risk and worry of sti if he can't reasure you that there was protection used. If he cares then he will be adult enough to go get himself tested.

    now If it is the case that your bf plied you with drink and then took advantage or that you drank yourself uncouncious that is a different kettle of fish.
    Thing is it can be hard to tell and remember if you were that drunk.

    Get your head sorted, look after your body and your health and then sit and have a serious talk about what happened.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,064 ✭✭✭Gurgle


    daRobot wrote:
    This reminds me of a girl I used to see, who was usually very uptight in bed.One night we drank quite a lot and she turned into a total sex crazed monster, asking me to do all kinds of crazy stuff to her (Which I duly obliged!).Next morning she's asking me did I spike her drink.
    And it never crossed your mind that maybe someone did spike her drink?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    daRobot wrote:
    This reminds me of a girl I used to see, who was usually very uptight in bed.One night we drank quite a lot and she turned into a total sex crazed monster, asking me to do all kinds of crazy stuff to her (Which I duly obliged!).Next morning she's asking me did I spike her drink??.......Sickening behaviour to try and blame someone else, to pawn off your own guilt.
    You’re jumping to conclusions as much as Agent Smith has, TBH.
    Thaedydal wrote:
    darobot unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum take the time to read the rules in the charter.
    No more unhelpful than Agent Smith - a little less politically correct, but no more unhelpful.
    Actually Angents smiths advice to ring the cirisis centre is a good one.
    they deal with a range of issues not just rape. FREEPHONE 1800 778888
    and talk to them about what you are feeling about what happened
    I think that’s an appalling idea. The Rape Crisis Centre specifically deals with “rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment or childhood sexual abuse” and unless the OP feels that her situation falls into any of these categories going to them would be at best overkill.

    I personally think that people are doing the OP a disservice by jumping to so many conclusions without her explaining further.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    daRobot wrote:
    Jesus christ, will y'all cop on.

    OP, your argument here is based on the perception that he 'took advantage' of you.Honestly what a load of crap, it's a total cop out on your part.

    This is the typical line that comes out of a girl when they wanted to do something, did it when drunk, and then feel a bit slutty in retrospect.Ever consider that you got this drunk, because you deep down, wanted this to happed.

    YOU are the one who got yourself into that state with booze, and you are therefore responsible for yourself and your actions.You cant expect your boyfriend to think "She's well up for it now, but I mustn't do anything because she probably wouldn't do this when she's sober".Drink will bring some sexual repression out of you very quickly sometimes.

    This reminds me of a girl I used to see, who was usually very uptight in bed.One night we drank quite a lot and she turned into a total sex crazed monster, asking me to do all kinds of crazy stuff to her (Which I duly obliged!).Next morning she's asking me did I spike her drink??.......Sickening behaviour to try and blame someone else, to pawn off your own guilt.

    These are my thoughts too, couldn't have put it better.

    OP, either talk to your fella about it and explain that he shouldn't have done it, or else cut him loose and let him find someone who's less uptight about this sort of thing. Based on your post I'd assume that ye're both quite young, and he's horny, and you obviously don't want what he wants. It's not really fair to tie him down in this kind of relationship when he wants to have some fun.

    Just my opinion... If it emerges that you're not ~17, then I suppose it changes.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    ronanp wrote:
    If this had happened the other way around, would anyone at all even consider the word rape as being relevant? **** no.

    It can and does happen. Generally the guy wont say anything for fear of getting laughed at ( believe there was a case in the UK involving a mormon missionary.. he was laughed at in court). Same with domestic violence against males.

    http://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adult%20Survivors/Articles/Reversal_of_Fortune.pdf

    Not on thread i know, but just to balance the argument


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Crinnie wrote:
    I think that’s an appalling idea. The Rape Crisis Centre specifically deals with “rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment or childhood sexual abuse” and unless the OP feels that her situation falls into any of these categories going to them would be at best overkill.

    The helpline is just that and the people on the other end are trained to listen and to not ask leading questions or to presume or to pressurise those ringing into reporting.

    They are trained to be understanding and to be able to deal with the wide range of confused and conflicting emotions that the op will be dealing with while she tries to resolve what happened.

    Ideally the Op would be able to talk to good friends or older wiser people about what happened and but if that is not possible there is the help line.
    Honestly they would prefer that they could help her then have her wondering.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,380 ✭✭✭daRobot


    Thaedydal wrote:
    darobot unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum take the time to read the rules in the charter.


    I know this is off topic, but how exactly is my comment unhelpful? It's harshly worded perhaps, but the point rings true.

    It seems that in many cases where women cant remember things about their night or regret what they did,the man is either accused of taking advantage or raping them.

    Drunk sex, coupled with regret happens all the time,especially when you're young.How you grow and learn from it, is accepting responsiblity for your actions, and trying your best not to get yourself into that suitation again.

    I obviously don't know if it's the case or not, but it's another perspective to be considered and surely that's the point of this forum.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,432 ✭✭✭Audioslaven


    Ya WTF, daRobot is correct IMO. She is meant to be an adult, she got drunk herself and they had a bit of fun... or whatever. This rape thing is way out of line... Some people serious need to cop on!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Audioslaven: We know diddly squat, and I would appreciate people not assuming they know the facts. Have you read any of the warnings from myself, Thaed or Beruthiel?


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Talk about going off topic :rolleyes:

    right, for you lot with short attention spans, let me remind you of the question asked by OP
    but i haven't talked about it to him since so basically i'm wondering should i

    Now either answer that question or refrain from commenting on this thread.
    I've had enough of your unhelpful, OOT comments and the next one gets banned.
    B


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,432 ✭✭✭Audioslaven


    hhhmmm I say no and mark it down as a sharp lession learned.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,082 ✭✭✭Tobias Greeshman


    My god 3 posts into this thread and people go off on one, dishing out advice rape-victim advice. Talk about jumping to conclusions.

    OK OP, I think maybe you should have a chat with your bf about what you feel comfortable doing sexually, and what you do not feel comfortable with. Just to set the guy straight about how you're feeling about the whole situation.

    You've said that you regard yourself as being inexperienced. I'm assuming he's more experienced than you are, so are you completely against letting him teach you a few things, sober?

    He shouldn't of tried to get his rocks off with you, while you were drunk. So have a chat with him, and this hopefully won't happen again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,378 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    I can't understand how people can insinuate rape when Taking advantage clearly implies consent.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Man can we just wait until she comes back and says what happened....

    She didn't even explicitly say that they had sex! Perhaps "that far" doesn't mean all the way.

    Either way, she should talk to her boyfriend if she's uncomfortable with what happened.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Thaedydal wrote:
    The helpline is just that and the people on the other end are trained to listen and to not ask leading questions or to presume or to pressurise those ringing into reporting.
    Sorry, but that’s not true. None of these organisations are without an axe to grind.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Sorry, but that’s not true. None of these organisations are without an axe to grind.

    Have you worked or do you know someone how has worked on thier support line ?
    Do you know thier policies and proceedures ?
    Have you had to be there as suport for someone and had to deal with those who work there ?

    IF you want to debate the political nature of the rape crissis centres then fine but not in this thread.


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