Problem with housemate/Best friend ??

Hairdo

Hi guys,

i wonder if anyone can offer some advice or opinions.

I've recently moved in with my best friend, which was great until her boyfriend started being there all the time. Now, that's not so much the problem but the fact that he said to me the other day that he loaned her money for the deposit so therefore as far as he's concerned he's paid a month and a half of rent there, and the fact that she agreed with him.. that's the problem.

I tried to broach the situation with her only to have her cry every time i made a valid point and then started to shout, scream and curse at me while following me around the house. This slightly disencourages me from talking to her again but i'm afraid i'll have to brace myself for a fight another time.

Now, bearing in mind that she has a lot on her plate as her dad is very sick with cancer,etc that still doesn't make it right for her to tell me that the only reason that i have a problem is that i'm jealous she has a boyfriend and I don't and that i'm lonely! She should also not tell me that it was wrong for me to speak to her about it, that i should have spoken directly to him. I feel that he is her guest in the house and the situation needed to be tackled lease holder to lease holder not with an outsider.

Has anybody else experienced a situation like this? I feel if she won't talk to me about this situation i'm going to have to talk to the landlady.

If anyone has oppinions I would really appreciate hearing them as I don't really know what to do.

AOR

i fail to see your problem? is the bf annoying you? she is paying rent and can have whoever she likes over to visit.

has he moved in? in that case its different. if he moves in he should pay rent.

But if he is just coming over to stay every so often and is paying rent and not wrecking the house i think you dont really have any right to tell her who she should have over.

The bf prob just made that remark to wind u up.

god help you when you have real problems

Static M.e.

I tried to broach the situation with her only to have her cry every time i made a valid point and then started to shout, scream and curse at me while following me around the house. This slightly disencourages me from talking to her again but i'm afraid i'll have to brace myself for a fight another time.

You did say bestfriend right?...

wrong for me to speak to her about it, that i should have spoken directly to him.

You moved in with HER not her Bf, its doesnt have anything to do with him. If he lent her the money, then thats her problem, he doesnt have ANY rights to be in your apartment.

Honestly move out. Its not worth living with someone like that, bestfriend* or not.


*I think your best friend is broken, replace

Wing Walker

AOR wrote:

god help you when you have real problems

I think it's a fair and reasonable problem. Maybe not completely earth-shattering but nonetheless it's a problem.

The agreement was that you and your friend move in together, yes? Well that's what you should have more often than not, just you and her in the place together. Notwithstanding the fact that it's her boyfriend, this place is your personal space and you shouldn't have to feel awkward in it.

You've tried talking to your "best friend" about it but she doesn't want to know. Like static m.e. said, best friend is broken, time to replace; and time to get a new place too.

Sangre

It doesn't really matter what they've agreed he has no rights.

Hairdo

I agree with the proposal to move out. It's been on my mind. The trouble is we're only in the house less than a month!

Plus, i am strongly of the opinion that if anyone should move out it should be her. Initially I paid rent and deposit for 2 people as we wanted to get someone in ourselves. I also found the house and did all the dealings with the landlady, also I put my name on the ESB and even went so far as putting her name on the ntl bill as "she didn't have time! Basically, i've sorted everything!

I feel really let down. Although, i'm starting to think that best friend is slightly broken

Magic Pips

I would say, cut all ties. cancel the gas if in your name, let her fend for herself. You'll make a stronger point in that action that you would in a shouting match. moving in with a friend is often riskier than renting a room with a stranger (psycho's are a rare occurance)

AOR

sorry if i was harsh earlier

yeah having to pay for two people is a bit of a bum deal alright.

if you really cant stick it move out but it will prob ride itself out eventually.

plus dont be paying for two people!! if ur looking for somewhere to live we have loads of rooms here

LegacyUser

stephensonruth wrote:

I agree with the proposal to move out. It's been on my mind. The trouble is we're only in the house less than a month!

Plus, i am strongly of the opinion that if anyone should move out it should be her. Initially I paid rent and deposit for 2 people as we wanted to get someone in ourselves. I also found the house and did all the dealings with the landlady, also I put my name on the ESB and even went so far as putting her name on the ntl bill as "she didn't have time! Basically, i've sorted everything!

I feel really let down. Although, i'm starting to think that best friend is slightly broken

you've only been living there a month?? so how often is the boyfriend over?

i can't tell from the information you've given, but to me it sounds like you might be blowing it out of proportion. shes obviously very stressed with her father and all, and she doesn't need you adding to it by not being there as a friend, starting fights about her boyfriend, and/or moving out altogether to leave her to pick up the pieces.

fair enough if maybe she left a lot of the work of finding the place to you, its a lot of hassle getting the bills and flat detals in order. but once you've been there a few months that'll be the past.

is it the first time you've lived with a friend? it can be difficult getting on with people if you haven't been used to it before, and if you're not communicating well then you can end up getting really unnecessarily annoyed abour really petty things.

is it possible that when you decided u'd move in together you had the idea that it would be just you and her all the time sitting around laughing, watching tv and having girly chats? and now you're dissapointed that the reality is a little different? try and be honest with her, and be a nice person to be around. suggest a night in just you and her where u watch a dvd and have fun, try and do that like once a week.

and try and find yourself other things to do in the evenings, like walks in the park with other friends, cinema, drinks with others etc, so you're not always at home feeling like a gooseberry. ansd i know i know, u shouldnt feel like a gooseberry in your own house, but thats got sometimes as much to do with how you act as how they act, so try and become friends with him, and then you'll find that some nights its fun for u all to stay in together. other times invite your other friends over.

give it more time. a month is not very long to be living somewhere, and neither of you are probably in any kind of normal routine yet.

Victor

Can I suggest this? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054867603

Sam Vimes

stephensonruth wrote:

I tried to broach the situation with her only to have her cry every time i made a valid point and then started to shout, scream and curse at me while following me around the house. This slightly disencourages me from talking to her again but i'm afraid i'll have to brace myself for a fight another time.

that kind of sh*t pisses me off. just because someone cries or loses their temper doesn't mean they win the argument :mad: that's why i like discussions on boards. its much more difficult to storm off or twist words. although some mods who shall remain nameless still manage it

is the boyfriend annoying you or what? why is it a problem that he's there all the time?

LegacyUser

If you've been living there a month and the BF claims he's paid six weeks rent by loaning her money, then give it another 2 weeks, when the six weeks are up, his little excuse is now null and void, so its time to start putting the foot down..

As someone said here, she is paying rent so she is entitled to have whoever she likes over, however this is all within reason.

If the BF kicks up, inform him that his name is not on the lease and to keep his nose out of it as its none of his business.

If it continues, try once more to resolve it, if this fails, find a place elsewhere, have it all arranged, deposit paid etc, confront your friend and inform her that you are moving out, have all forms required to transfer Gas, ESB etc into her name and have her fill them out there and then.

If she kicks up about not being able to afford the rent on her own, inform her that her BF seems to like the place so much and even paid rent at the start that maybe he should move in. Problem solved.

Friend is broken alright, chuck her out.. plenty more out there.

Tox