an american view of the world cup

kinaldo

http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/14741693.htm

so misguided it's funny. btw does anyone here actually remember watching the superbowl? all i remember is commercials.

Maybe non-fans do know soccer
If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts.

All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.

No one who actually is from here cares about the most over-hyped, mind-numbingly boring event in the world. Nevertheless, ABC and ESPN will combine to broadcast all 64 games live and in high definition starting on Friday. High definition means that over the course of a 90-minute contest, both scoring chances can be viewed with crystal clarity.

There's no word yet on whether any of the games will be presented "commercial free." The networks usually make a big deal out of doing that. It's their way of telling us how important the World Cup is. Remember, there were no commercial interruptions when man first walked on the moon.

It makes sense, too. After 20-minute stretches of televised World Cup nothingness, an action-packed commercial definitely would seem intrusive.

Thirty years after soccer was supposed to be the next thing here, ESPN and ABC will attempt to "educate" as well as entertain American viewers during the World Cup, according to an article in Sunday's paper. The arrogance is astounding. The networks still are subscribing to the tired old chestnut that Americans aren't interested in soccer because we don't understand it.

All that tactical beauty is somehow slipping past us. We aren't smart enough to understand the nuances involved in the most popular game in the world.

In fact, just the opposite is true. We don't like soccer because we do understand it. And it's awful.

It's time to quit apologizing and tell the truth. When it comes to soccer, we're right, and the rest of the world is wrong. If they want to dance in the streets of Cameroon or Belgium over this stuff, fine. But the sport does not suit American taste, and we should stop feeling guilty about it.

Look, Americans are an industrious people. We use our hands. We catch footballs. We throw baseballs. We hit golf balls and tennis balls by gripping a piece of equipment. It is unnatural for us to put our hands behind our backs and try to "pass" a soccer ball to a teammate by bouncing it off our heads. We aren't circus seals, and no one is going to toss us a fish if we do it right.

It also offends our sense of fair play to watch a lone referee try to police an area the size of Rhode Island and then get blamed for the outcome by whichever team loses. And regardless of how passionate we are about our sports teams, we draw the line at pipe bombs.

Many spectators in soccer-crazed countries warm up for a big match by hitting their neighbor in the head with a brick. And as soon as little Nigel or Fiona is old enough, mum and dad take them out back and practice squishing them against a chain link fence.

No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other.

Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power. Don't you see a connection there?

In fairness, soccer is a great activity for little kids. It allows them to run around outside before their motor skills are fully developed and they can move onto something else. It's not bad at the high school level, either, because individual abilities vary greatly at that age, and weird play often occurs as a result.

Beyond that, it's unbearable. As the World Cup rolls around again, I refuse to apologize for saying I'd rather have a colonoscopy than watch a minute of it. Soccer is the rest of the world's problem. Let's not even fake it anymore.

Who cares if the French or Chinese think we are uncivilized? What's the big deal if opponents from the Middle East shake hands after a match? Their countries will be at each other's throats again the next day, anyway.

Perhaps ABC and ESPN will garner decent ratings when the tournament begins. For at least one government agency, the demographics of that audience could prove very interesting.

Tom Powers can be reached

at tpowers@pioneerpress.com.

Mr.Nice Guy

It's ridiculous but this is a country whose sports teams can be crowned 'World champions' when they don't play anyone outside of the US. Most of them are totally ignorant.

Pretty much every country on earth besides the US (and Canada) enjoy the beautiful game. The problem with Americans is that they lack the patience of other nationalities. They need to be entertained right from the off hence the fireworks, cheerleaders and all the other bullsh*t.

It's a shame that the US manages to qualify for these tournaments when most of the nation doesn't give a damn about it. I loved this bit:

Many spectators in soccer-crazed countries warm up for a big match by hitting their neighbor in the head with a brick. And as soon as little Nigel or Fiona is old enough, mum and dad take them out back and practice squishing them against a chain link fence.

No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other.

This is coming from a guy whose country allows citizens to own guns. Unbelievable.

Big Nelly

kinaldo wrote:

Look, Americans are an industrious people. We use our hands. We catch footballs. We throw baseballs. We hit golf balls and tennis balls by gripping a piece of equipment. It is unnatural for us to put our hands behind our backs and try to "pass" a soccer ball to a teammate by bouncing it off our heads. We aren't circus seals, and no one is going to toss us a fish if we do it right.

Americans are industrious????? biggest shower of .......... cant say that word on here or weeks ban for me, the only time they use there hands is to shot each other. Lets go to school today kids, sorry Mammy they shot it up yesterday so we have a day off. Great country indeed.

Maybe if half there kids played footie they wouldnt go around shooting each other.

Ronan|Raven

Not often do I get bothered about idiots such as the guy who wrote that but I felt an overwheming urge to email him and set him straight on a few facts. For all the good it will do.

CiaranC

*Yawn*

Who cares what some insignificant country thinks about the World Cup?

Big Nelly

Ronan|Raven wrote:

Not often do I get bothered about idiots such as the guy who wrote that but I felt an overwheming urge to email him and set him straight on a few facts. For all the good it will do.

Was in the process of writing a "not very nice" email but then said I couldnt be bothered because he would only get confused when I told him I was from Ireland......"Which state??"

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

dbnavan

Big Nelly wrote:

Americans are industrious????? biggest shower of .......... cant say that word on here or weeks ban for me, the only time they use there hands is to shot each other. Lets go to school today kids, sorry Mammy they shot it up yesterday so we have a day off. Great country indeed.

Pity u didnt say the word, get the ban u deserve. Having worked in america, I can tell you the office I worked in had some of the hardest working people I know in it, When Irish people work a 9 o'clock start means, be in work for 8.59, where in america people I had working for me would be in up to an hour early! That IMO is industrious.

The article in question is obviously an opinion column, many of which you will also find in British and Irish papers and Magizines over the last few weeks. If an english Sunday Times write wrote something like...."Whats the point in watching grown men run around after a bag of air, roll around and whine" we'd just probably say something rude about him, but because this guy is American where soccer is still not a widely watched sport, we feel the need to laugh and make racist comments about them.

Big Nelly wrote:

Maybe if half there kids played footie they wouldnt go around shooting each other.

Maybe if half the kids in dublin didnt drink or do drugs, we'd produce a better team and be their ourselves.

Chardee MacDennis

kinaldo wrote:

What's the big deal if opponents from the Middle East shake hands after a match? Their countries will be at each other's throats again the next day, anyway.

what an idiotic thing to say... i suppose he thinks the football game between the germans and the english on christmas eve in WW1 was pointless too.

what a fool...

scargill

I have a theory about Americans....they only like sports where everybody gets to score !!

Basketball is a prime example, a game ends 120-112. Everyone gets a chance to score. If a sawcer game ends 1-0 there is only one hero !!

Same reason they prefer pool to snooker - nobody is crap at pool - very few are good at snooker. They like a game that everyone can be reasonably good at - baseball ??? rounders !

iregk

I love the whole comment of as soon as the kids are old enough they practice holding them against the fence. I suppose thats better than having your kids hold up the local liquer store then shoot a couple of homies!

johnos

Sad.
It's one thing being ignorant, it's another being proud of being ignorant.
Nevertheless, interesting to see an American chauvinist profess an aversion to violence. Maybe there's hope after all!

AnCapaillMor

The reason it never took off in the states is 45 minutes without adverts is unheard of. American football has been designed around television, and hour of play takes up to 3-4 hours, all for ads etc, i'm not knocking american football, i love it, but i could never watch a full match, too much farting around. 2 halves equal 1 ad break, 4 quarters = loads more ad breaks, timeout=ad break, the list goes on. same with hockey and basketball and ad breaks are needed for baseball as one would kill themself without a break.

dohboy

The article is pretty tongue in cheek. It's designed to provocate, not really inform. Plenty of Americans enjoy soccer, it's not the wasteland it once was.

Rod Liddle (the guy who "left his wife for a young wan", according to Dunphy) writes a similar reader-baiting column in the Sunday Times every week. Fun to read occasionaly if you don't take it too seriously

Töpher

It's written firmly tongue in cheek, much like the Angelina thread I put up. Designed solely to as a bit of fun, to poke a bit of fun, and so basically have a lighthearted chuckle, be that from the person opting the viewpoint of the writer, or the person its aimed at provoking (from the one above, I'd imagine both'd find it hillarious!).

Personally, I found it quite amusing!

Some people need to lighten up it would seem How could it not be seen that the above was more of a comedy piece than anything? Action packed commercials? Circus seals?! (You have seen American Football right?) Then again, over the top reactions was probably one of his reasons behind writing it - along with some humour obviously.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

PiE

Troll.

johnos

Einst&#252 wrote: »

It's written firmly tongue in cheek, much like the Angelina thread I put up. Designed solely to as a bit of fun, to poke a bit of fun, and so basically have a lighthearted chuckle, be that from the person opting the viewpoint of the writer, or the person its aimed at provoking (from the one above, I'd imagine both'd find it hillarious!).

Personally, I found it quite amusing!

Some people need to lighten up it would seem How could it not be seen that the above was more of a comedy piece than anything? Action packed commercials? Circus seals?! (You have seen American Football right?) Then again, over the top reactions was probably one of his reasons behind writing it - along with some humour obviously.

It's fair to say that it's a nonsense/comedy piece all right, but it nevertheless gets its philistine point across, so should be met with zero tolerance. It's also rather sanctimonious when it comes to 'soccer' violence.

Ruskie4Rent

Big Nelly wrote:

Was in the process of writing a "not very nice" email but then said I couldnt be bothered because he would only get confused when I told him I was from Ireland......"Which state??"

An American asked me that in florida. "So where you folk from". Ireland. "What state is that in?"
So they don't wanna watch boring low scoring games but can sit and watch 3 hour baseball games with ads every 10 minutes. He calls the world cup boring and over-hyped yet base ball's final show piece lasts 7 games and is called the world series.
Tongue in cheek. More like head up arse.

mchurl

Quite a funny article imo, just shows how ignorant some people can be.

ctrl-alt-delete

I think the budweiser ads, on utv i think, are brilliant and are around the same issue to the article above, Budweiser slagging the americans. Anybody see any of them? i know one makes a point of the "other countries in a world cup", the tactical one is funny too -

Guy1: "4-5-1, 4-4-2, 5-4-1"
Guy2 "talking tactics brian?"
Guy 1 "no sodoku"

Amz

Ruskie4Rent wrote:

He calls the world cup boring and over-hyped yet base ball's final show piece lasts 7 games and is called the world series.

World Series is named after the World newspaper who originally sponsored it. Showing your own ignorance here, as are the others who mentioned it.

MrJoeSoap

Amz wrote:

World Series is named after the World newspaper who originally sponsored it. Showing your own ignorance here, as are the others who mentioned it.

http://roadsidephotos.com/baseball/name.htm

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054924929

Amz

Fair enough I admit I was misinformed, but why is this the first time I've heard that the World newspaper story is only a myth?

Tusky

Amz wrote:

World Series is named after the World newspaper who originally sponsored it. Showing your own ignorance here, as are the others who mentioned it.

Whos ignorant again ?

Amz

Go back to bed Tusky.

MrJoeSoap

Amz wrote:

Fair enough I admit I was misinformed, but why is this the first time I've heard that the World newspaper story is only a myth?

It is a fairly common misconception it would seem, and the researcher in the link I posted seems to have gone to some length to disprove it.

Amz

MrJoeSoap wrote:

It is a fairly common misconception it would seem, and the researcher in the link I posted seems to have gone to some length to disprove it.

Yeah, I honestly had never heard that before. Thanks for putting me straight though. I had taken it for granted that the Americans who told me the World Newspaper story would know their stuff.

Apologies Ruskie.

Tusky

Amz wrote:

Go back to bed Tusky.

agreed.

Ardent

Excellent article, hilarious. Particularly like this bit:

All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.

Pigman II

we're right, and the rest of the world is wrong.

Wish it was just soccer they felt this way about.

(Nice little piss-take article that someone like our friend Rod Liddle might be proud of. At least I HOPE it's a pisstake? )