Should I take my top off?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a girl 19 years old and I'm going out with a guy, he fine except he tries to put his hand up my top to feel my boobs, I take his hand away because no boy before have ever seen or felt my boobs, my friends say I'm being silly and that they have taken off their tops with their boyfriends and in the summer I'm going on holiday with them to Majorca and they'll be topless and I'll be the only one covered up.

I know that I'll have to let a guy see my boobs sometime should i do it now? I've had other boyfriends and they've tried to put their hands u pmy top and I've refused. Am I being silly I'm not shy I've talked nude in the changing rooms in front of other women its just I feel that my body is not for public viewing for guys,

what do you think girls on or off? I know myself I have to take it off some time.

Nevyn

It is your body and it is your choice and you can be as modest as you wish to be.
I certainly would not be into topless sunbathing due to the concerns of getting
burnt boobs and the dangers due to skin cancer.
If you are not comfortible being felt up by your boyfriend and are still not happy with him touching you then maybe he is not the right one for you to be taking such steps with.

Placebo

yr bf's a sap.

"I have to do it eventually so why not now" isn't the best of reasons. Do it because you want to, not because you're being pressured into it.

As for being topless sunbathing, I sure as hell don't do it unless I'm lying face down. Don't worry about it.

DublinWriter

There's no right or wrong.

It's your body and it's up to you.

Don't feel like you're under pressure to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.

What you feel comfortable with is the only thing that matters, when the time is right, then the time is right.

Best of luck.

Pataman

You do as YOU want to with your body. There is no rule, no set age when you have to let a guy see your top. If he is the right guy he will wait. When the time, and the guy is right, then do it.

Nevyn

Placebo, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Ickle Magoo

If you have to ask a public forum for their opinion, I'd be inclined to say you don't really want to and so you shouldn't do it....if you wanted a man to see your breasts or you wanted to go topless then he would have & you would do.....just because you think that a man must see you topless at some stage in your life is not reason enough to do it now....wait until you feel entirely comfortable and at ease with either a man seeing your breasts or going topless.....lots of women don't like going topless & what happenens between you & your boyfriend is just that - so ignore what your friends say & enjoy your hols! Best of luck

drdre

Placebo wrote:

yr bf's a sap.

you are the sap.:)

drdre

i think you should do it, if he wants to fell them then why not.i know its your body but its going to happen someday.and nows the time to get over it

DOLEMAN

While I agree with the "it's your body" comments here, I would imagine you are going to have serious boyfriend problems until you fix this little problem of yours.

One of the main reasons a 19 year old guy (or any guy for that matter) wants a girlfriend is because -

He wants to see boobies
He wants to touch boobies
He wants to see vagina
He wants to touch vagina
He wants to have sex

It's only a matter of time before your boyfriend gets frustrated. He'll either break up with you, fight with you all the time, or cheat.

While it is your body and the choice is yours, you will be saving yourself a lot of future drama/pain if you can try to relax about your body being seen and touched by your boyfriend.

drdre

DOLEMAN wrote:

While I agree with the "it's your body" comments here, I would imagine you are going to have serious boyfriend problems until you fix this little problem of yours.

One of the main reasons a 19 year old guy (or any guy for that matter) wants a girlfriend is because -

He wants to see boobies
He wants to touch boobies
He wants to see vagina
He wants to touch vagina
He wants to have sex

It's only a matter of time before your boyfriend gets frustrated. He'll either break up with you, fight with you all the time, or cheat.

While it is your body and the choice is yours, you will be saving yourself a lot of future drama/pain if you can try to relax about your body being seen and touched by your boyfriend.

yes you are right

Turner

Id second that.

DOLEMAN

DOLEMAN wrote:

While I agree with the "it's your body" comments here, I would imagine you are going to have serious boyfriend problems until you fix this little problem of yours.

One of the main reasons a 19 year old guy (or any guy for that matter) wants a girlfriend is because -

He wants to see boobies
He wants to touch boobies
He wants to see vagina
He wants to touch vagina
He wants to have sex

It's only a matter of time before your boyfriend gets frustrated. He'll either break up with you, fight with you all the time, or cheat.

Are you actually suggesting any boy will go off and cheat just because she won't go topless?
If he does it is him to blame and him alone.
If he can't respect her decisions in this, she might be better off without them.
Yes, a relationship is give as well as take and I think she should be getting over it at some point, but not because some guy is pressuring her into it. She might well regret it immediately and be further put off.
"It's going to happen eventually" is never a good reason to rush into sex if you don't feel ready, and this is a part of it.


OP do you have any trust issues with your boyfriend? Because unless you think that he's going to gossip about it or something, it's not public viewing for guys. It's between you and him.
Perhaps you could get into the mood and start off in fairly dim lighting.

If you really, really don't want to then explain this to him.
How long have you being seeing him? Perhaps you are just not that comfortable with him yet?

Laguna

Take your top off if you want to. There's nothing else to it really, taking it off because you feel pressured to is a bit sad really.

cupsoftea

The main reason the 19 year old boy wants a girlfriend may be because
"He wants to see boobies
He wants to touch boobies
He wants to see vagina
He wants to touch vagina
He wants to have sex"
But these are plainly not the reaons the OP wants to have a boyfriend. She doesn't feel comfortable with this particular 19 year old so she isn't ready or he isn't the right guy. Its your body, go at your own pace.

muckwarrior

OP if you're 19 then you're an adult and this is the very least an average guy is going to expect from an adult relationship. I really don't want to sound harsh but this is more like something you'd expect a 14 year old to be worrying about.

Royale with Cheese

While it is ultimately your decision and you shouldn't feel pressured...

At 19 years old most guys would be wanting their girlfriends to have sex with them, not let them put their hand up your top. It's going to happen eventually is never a good reason to rush into sex, but this isn't sex. It's just a little fondling. That's not to say you should do something your not comortable with, just that the vast majority of 19 year old guys would have a problem with this. Sorry but them's the facts.

Ickle Magoo

DOLEMAN wrote:

One of the main reasons a 19 year old guy (or any guy for that matter) wants a girlfriend is because -

He wants to see boobies
He wants to touch boobies
He wants to see vagina
He wants to touch vagina
He wants to have sex

This is true but I would stress to the OP that once you find a b/f you genuinely love & in a relationship you are comfortable with, you will want all that too...

DOLEMAN wrote:

It's only a matter of time before your boyfriend gets frustrated. He'll either break up with you, fight with you all the time, or cheat.

If OP's fella is like this then it's a very good reason for her to keep her top on & wait for a guy who makes her want to rip her clothes off!

DOLEMAN wrote:

While it is your body and the choice is yours, you will be saving yourself a lot of future drama/pain if you can try to relax about your body

I agree with that bit....OP - is there any particular reason you don't like men seeing or touching you? Are you waiting for the right guy or is there another more serious issue? If it is just shyness & deep down you really would like to, then it may be worth just taking the plunge, so to speak.....

DOLEMAN

bluewolf wrote:

Are you actually suggesting any boy will go off and cheat just because she won't go topless?

She won't let him see or touch her boobs. This makes me think sex is a LONG LONG way away.

She's 19. She's going to have problems unless she can fix this problem.

It's fair to say not letting your boyfriend touch or see your boobs at age 19 is fairly abnormal in this day and age...

I'm not saying she's right or wrong, I'm just saying she's going to have problems...

scojones

Only do what you are comfortable with.

drdre

sjones wrote:

Only do what you are comfortable with.

nah i would not agrew with that:D

DOLEMAN

DOLEMAN wrote:

She won't let him see or touch her boobs. This makes me think sex is a LONG LONG way away.

And so the next step from that instead of talking to her about it or even breaking up is just to cheat?

She's 19. She's going to have problems unless she can fix this problem.

It's fair to say not letting your boyfriend touch or see your boobs at age 19 is fairly abnormal in this day and age...

I'm not saying she's right or wrong, I'm just saying she's going to have problems...

Frankly I'd almost prefer more of this than all these 15 and 16 year olds running around having sex all the time.

I'm not saying she shouldn't try to get over it, I'm just saying if he's not the right guy or she hasn't been seeing him very long, or she has some deeper issues, then forcing herself to rush into it can leave her quite hurt for quite a long time.
People are on about this being an adult relationship and at the same time saying a 19 year old guy just wants sex.
If it's such an adult relationship they can talk about it.
We don't know what her actual issue is I suppose, nor what the guy is like, nor how long they've been going out. Maybe it's only been a couple weeks or so - I can't find any indication of time in her post.
Maybe it's just shyness, maybe it's something worse, maybe he doesn't exactly inspire trust or confidence. If it is just shyness, and they've been together a little while, and she feels ok with him in general, then yes I would advise just trying it. Even in dim lighting at first to make her feel more comfortable.
If it isn't ordinary shyness, it might be a different story altogether.

DOLEMAN

You see, I don't really buy this "the right guy" argument in situations like this.

We're not talking about getting married or giving a kidney, we're talking about touching some boobies. If she's not going to let him do that, then she should remain single. She's just frustrating the guy. NO GUY is happy to have zero sexual contact with his girlfriend. At some stage, now matter how nice he is, he will start thinking, "what the **** am I doing with this girl? Is she my girlfriend or just a friend?"

If she told me she's not ready for sex, I'd totally understand - it's a different matter.

But this is a 19 year old who won't let her boyfriend touch her boobs. I thought only 12 year olds were like that...

It's not about him being the "right guy". Not being able to touch your 19 year old girlfriends boobs is weird, no matter how nice the guy is.

I hope the OP is being honest and open with her boyfriend so he knows the reasons and knows where he stands.

I hope the OP is being honest and open with her boyfriend so he knows the reasons and knows where he stands.

Ditto.


As for the rest, if she's just very inexperienced with guys then it might just be understandable. Look I didn't say she shouldn't get over it, I'm just saying that forcing herself into it might end up making things worse. That's all.

skittishkitten

So your saying if you have a girlfriend she better let you touch her boobs or your going to dump her or cheat on her ? Know alot of nice girls do you ?

If your not ready to take your top off or get groped then don't. There's plenty of time and plenty of men that would be happy to wait until you are. Personally if someone said they were going to dump me because I didn't , I'd have to tell them not to let the door hit them in the a$$ on the way out . Just my personal opinion you understand.

~

Nevyn

drdre, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

DOLEMAN

Bluewolf, yes, I know, your points are completely valid. I just reread my post and it sounds harsher than I meant.

I think we both agree it's her choice and she needs to think about how to try to move forward in a positive way

Placebo

Thaedydal wrote:

Placebo, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Its not offtopic, i meant he should stop if she keeps pushing his hand away. Shes clearly not comfortable with it, take a hint etc etc. Tell your bf to stop, keep the top on.

DOLEMAN

skittishkitten wrote:

So your saying if you have a girlfriend she better let you touch her boobs or your going to dump her or cheat on her ? Know alot of nice girls do you ?

No, I'm just being realistic. A problem will arise if she does not sort out her problem. She's 19.

skittishkitten wrote:

There's plenty of time and plenty of men that would be happy to wait until you are.

Not true. No guy is happy to wait. Nicer guys will wait and not complain, but he won't be happy.

Ickle Magoo

DOLEMAN wrote:

We're not talking about getting married or giving a kidney, we're talking about touching some boobies. If she's not going to let him do that, then she should remain single. She's just frustrating the guy.

If the OP felt truly comfortable in the relationship she would not mind her b/f touching her breasts, she would want him to & actively encourage it, she'd feel comfortable enough in his company to be naked.....that tells me there is something worrying the OP, either from her past or with this fella......as you say, she needs to sort out why she doesn't want her b/f to touch her breasts but giving a guy carte blanche to grope so he doesn't cheat or get frustrated is a terrible reason to let anyone touch you....

DOLEMAN wrote:

But this is a 19 year old who won't let her boyfriend touch her boobs. I thought only 12 year olds were like that...

You thought only 12 yr olds stopped guys from trying to touch their breasts?!! 12yr olds?! I must be getting very old - that just sounds wrong....:eek:

muckwarrior

skittishkitten wrote:

So your saying if you have a girlfriend she better let you touch her boobs or your going to dump her or cheat on her ?

Well I'd never cheat on anyone but if I had a girlfriend that wouldn't let me touch her breasts then I'd assume that she wasn't ready for an adult relationship, and yes I'd dump her.

Holding off having sex is something I can totally understand, but forbidding any kind of sexual contact whatsoever would be just plain weird IMO.

skittishkitten

DOLEMAN wrote:

No, I'm just being realistic. A problem will arise if she does not sort out her problem. She's 19.



Not true. No guy is happy to wait. Nicer guys will wait and not complain, but he won't be happy.

It's only a problem if you consider it one. I don't ......and no before you think it I'm not a prude , rather far from it. But if she's not ready, she's not ready. It doesn't make it a problem. Perhaps it's the guys problem since it seems to be "a have to thing" in your opinion.

Nice guys will wait and they won't complain, they also have the extra knowledge of knowing that if they are allowed they are entering territory that no other man has explored. And what guy doesn't like that.

DOLEMAN

skittishkitten wrote:

It's only a problem if you consider it one. I don't ......

You see, this is the difference between men and women...

What do you think of this situation? The boyfriend does not want to hug or cuddle his girlfriend. He does not want to tell her she is beautiful or reassure her. This is unacceptable, right?

But maybe he is not ready to touch his girlfriend or be emotionally open. A nice girl will respect this and wait.

Know what I mean?

DOLEMAN

DOLEMAN wrote:

You see, this is the difference between men and women...

What do you think of this situation? The boyfriend does not want to hug or cuddle his girlfriend. He does not want to tell her she is beautiful or reassure her. This is unacceptable, right?

But maybe he is not ready to touch his girlfriend or be emotionally open. A nice girl will respect this and wait.

Know what I mean?

In the last two days I've seen posts on this issue saying "I don't like it but I guess he just isn't emotionally open".
It does work both ways.

Ickle Magoo

DOLEMAN wrote:

Know what I mean?

Not really....do you think that a clothed hug or reassuring someone is on a par with intimate contact?! :eek: Sounds a bit shallow....:( Not letting a guy touch my breasts is the same as him not telling me I'm beautiful?! Wow...I must be a prude! If my boyfriend wasn't ready to tell me things or be emotionally open then - if I like my boyfriend - I wait until he will....or talk over with him why he is unable to to be emotionally open....I wouldn't ditch him because he wasn't already packaged exactly the way I wanted him....I'd like to think the opposite would be true & a man would see past not being able to cop a feel in the short term and balance it with all the other things I had to offer in the long term....

skittishkitten

There is a difference between a hug and feeling his "package" wouldn't you say ?

I do realize that guys are sexually driven creatures. But some guys don't know when to stop. You give them an inch and they want the mile. She is not ready to be groped.

You are basically telling a young woman that there is something wrong with her because she doesn't let her boyfriend grope her. In my opinion if she is not ready and she allows it because of society pressure it could end up doing more damage to her mentally in the long run. She should come into her sexuallity when she is ready , not because society thinks something is wrong with her because she's not .

Wouldn't you want a warm sensual self assured woman that come into her own at a time she was ready and not some fearful self doubting girl that gave in to what society thought, because people convinced her that something was wrong with her and no one would like her if she didn't ?

dar83

Ickle_Magoo wrote:

I'd like to think the opposite would be true & a man would see past not being able to cop a feel in the short term and balance it with all the other things I had to offer in the long term....

Sure a man would, but we're talking about a young man, maybe 19-20.
It may be being brutally honest, but if she's not prepared to let him go near her boobs for a feel, then it pretty much sends out the message of long term barriers to break down and a long term requirement of trust building. You think an average 19-20 year old guy is prepared for that?

I understand we dont know her issue with it, but a 19 year old girl not letting her boyfriend fondle her boobs is plain odd these days and unless she has a serious think about it, she will have problems when it comes to keeping a man.

To be perfectly honest, that remark about the 19 year olds only wanting a girlfriend because of (the list) .. that somewhat stands for every guy, no matter how old they are. I said somewhat, as I know there are some exceptions.

anyways, if thats the way that you want to be, so be it. He should be able to respect your decisions, and if he keeps trying it.. then I don't think he should be worth it. If I'm with a girl, and I do something they're not comfortable with - I will stop doing it and not try again, until previously told.

muckwarrior

dar83 wrote:

a 19 year old girl not letting her boyfriend fondle her boobs is plain odd these days and unless she has a serious think about it, she will have problems when it comes to keeping a man.

That's the long and the short of it really.

DOLEMAN

Ickle Magoo wrote:

If my boyfriend wasn't ready to tell me things or be emotionally open then - if I like my boyfriend - I wait until he will....or talk over with him why he is unable to to be emotionally open....I wouldn't ditch him because he wasn't already packaged exactly the way I wanted him....

I never said she should be dumped. I said if she doesn't sort out her problem she WILL have problems. I'm talking long term, not next week.

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I'd like to think the opposite would be true & a man would see past not being able to cop a feel in the short term and balance it with all the other things I had to offer in the long term....

19 year old guys (I don't know what age her boyfriend is) are not thinking long term. They want to have sex ASAP. He'll cheat or get bored and move on... If she won't let her boyfriend touch or see her boobs, sex must be years away...

Boston

Well, you know, maybe it's him. Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable with him.

cast_iron

Well first off, if you really don't wanna do it, don't. But you are going to have to get over your fear/dislike of him touching you like that, or you ain't gonna hold on to any bf for long. You're 19, not 91!
What would he want a gf for if he was never going to have some intimate contact? Can't blame the guy for trying some intimacy, now can you?

DOLEMAN

LiouVille wrote:

Well, you know, maybe it's him. Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable with him.

Her post did suggest this is a problem in general though.

JC 2K3

It's one of those "evaluate your life" type situations tbh. Why do you want a boyfriend if you don't feel comfortable with sexual contact? How long would you need to be with a guy before you let him feel you up? Are you looking for a potential life partner or just some fun? etc. Once you think about and answer these questions forget the past and live life according to what you want out of it. But chances are your boyfriend is confused and frustrated if he's trying to feel you up and not being allowed. Don't make him suffer and talk to him about it. If you aren't ever going to let him touch your boobs or go any further with him or he'll have to wait a long time you have to say it to him, not hint it, SAY IT, and if he's not happy you have to accept that you guys aren't for each other.

Ickle Magoo

DOLEMAN wrote:

19 year old guys (I don't know what age her boyfriend is) are not thinking long term. They want to have sex ASAP. ...

I think most girls are the same....when they like the guy....and if it is a problem then they guy would be pretty shallow to dump her or cheat solely on the fact she was taking too long to put out....that was my point....if he felt strongly enough about her he would help her through the problem, if he cheats on her knowing she she has this problem then she did the right thing not to let him near her breasts....if the OP is just not letting this guy near her with no explanations then I agree it isn't very fair....

DOLEMAN

Yes, I think we can all agree she needs to talk to her boyfriend about this (if she isn't already doing so) and to think about why she is having this problem (and try to find a solution, if she wants one.)

I do find it odd though that she is considering being topless on a beach yet won't let her boyfriend touch her boobs...

DOLEMAN

DOLEMAN wrote:

Yes, I think we can all agree she needs to talk to her boyfriend about this (if she isn't already doing so) and to think about why she is having this problem (and try to find a solution, if she wants one.)

I do find it odd though that she is considering being topless on a beach yet won't let her boyfriend touch her boobs...

No, I think her issue was her friends being topless and saying she was daft if she wouldn't...?

Ickle Magoo

Doleman, I think there is a difference between men you don't know looking and a man you do know touching....but I know what you mean....

OSiriS

DOLEMAN wrote:

19 year old guys (I don't know what age her boyfriend is) are not thinking long term. They want to have sex ASAP. He'll cheat or get bored and move on... If she won't let her boyfriend touch or see her boobs, sex must be years away...

All the more reason to keep her assets to herself. If a guy is going to be so selfish as to not respect her shyness and her feelings with regards to sex and nakedness it is better she finds out early on in the relationship rather than down the line. Just because some guys are insatiably horny doesn't mean a girl needs to satisfy his every whim.

Faith

I agree that it's the OP's body and choice and she should wait until she's ready... But 19 is pretty old to be refusing to let your boyfriend touch your breasts. There must be something else going on with her, because honestly, that's not normal behaviour.

Whatever it is that's causing the reluctance needs to be dealt with soon.