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how many chances do you give a cheater?

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2

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    #32
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    Sony wrote:
    I wouldnt expect to get ONE chance - hes exactly the type that gives men a bad name-sickens me to read that post,hope its not for real but im thinking it is!:rolleyes:
    I would have felt the same until it happened to me - my then partner cheated on me when he was going through a VERY bad patch in his life...it took me years (and a lot of persistence on his part) before I took him back. As far as the case with the OP, no, I would not take him back. I am sure that he may be faithful some day but not with the OP.


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    #33
    Sony
    Closed Accounts Posts: 301 ✭✭Sony


    CathyMoran wrote:
    I would have felt the same until it happened to me - my then partner cheated on me when he was going through a VERY bad patch in his life...it took me years (and a lot of persistence on his part) before I took him back. As far as the case with the OP, no, I would not take him back. I am sure that he may be faithful some day but not with the OP.

    Definitely not no, he sounds like a disgrace to his sex !

    What I meant is that I wouldnt "expect" ONE chance , everyone makes mistakes and maybe some people do deserve to get a second chance in certain cases but deffo not this one-think we're all agreed on it anyway!


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    #34
    Procrastinator
    Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭Procrastinator


    what do i do wrote:
    Going unregistered for this....I am going out with a guy for the last 6 years. I have found out recently that he has cheated with at least 3 girls. They weren't one nite stands they were complete relationships. For example he saw one girl for 7 months in total.

    He has also always maintained that he's only had a handful of sexual partners however the last girl he cheated with said he told her the number was 30+. his type of work means he travels alot during the week which means he can easily see people when he's away.

    my question is, do i give him another chance? he says he loves me and is serious about us but how could he be if he's been with other people. he is in his 30's and i am in my late 20's.

    God, I feel for you because I used to be you. Cliches aside, forget about all the 'kick him to the kerb', 'hero' speak. Think about this:
    What exactly does 'going out with someone' mean to you?
    Does it mean that you have a companion, that's reliable, that at least can be there on the other end of the phone when you ring for advice or chat.
    Does it mean feeling comfortable in someone's company.
    Does it mean having a mature sexual relationship with someone you like, and who likes you and is mutually satisfying?
    If the answer is yes to any of these, then logically you cannot define what you have with this guy as a relationship. You are not 'going out with' him.
    Strictly defined you are having an ongoing casual and intermittent sexual relationship with a guy that you don't really trust, and who has no more interest in you than he has in any other woman he might meet casually while travelling.
    He is not a partner in any sense of the word, at least its clear that he doesn't see you as such.
    Are YOU happy?
    Does he make YOUR life better than it would be if you were not seeing him?
    Are you happier because you know him; are with him; see him? I suspect your answer is no.

    Think about what you want from a realtionship, be brave and make your decision.
    Good luck.


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    #35
    AngryAnderson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 238 ✭✭AngryAnderson


    :eek:

    Seriously, some of the over-analysis here. Dump him. Have some self-respect.


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    #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have plenty of self respect, thank you very much.he's the one that doesn't.

    Procrastinator - i doubt the last 6 years has been a casual thing for either of us. It was a little more than that and he did propose.

    thanks for the helpful advice everyone


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    #37
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    Sorry OP, looks like you have been played the fool. Get out while you can or you will be only more hurt. Serial cheat is right :(


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    #38
    AngryAnderson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 238 ✭✭AngryAnderson


    what do i do wrote:
    I have plenty of self respect, thank you very much.he's the one that doesn't.

    I don't doubt it. That's why I can't see why there's any doubt in your mind. The fact that he's been with you for 6 years AND is able to casually screw about means that, although it might not be a trivial matter for you, it is for him. Either that or he's really dumb/naive/heartless. Find someone more deserving and don't waste your time with this loser.


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    #39
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    In general?
    If it was a horrible mistake, drunken or otherwise, etc etc then one or two chances. Deliberately done with little remorse? Zilch.

    Are you happy with him knowing he's cheated and will almost, if not certainly, do it again? If not, dump him now.


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    #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    for a min there, I thought I was posting.....

    about 9yrs ago I was going out with a girl for 6ys.....but I was seeing another on the side for about 10months. The girl on the side didn't know about my current gf, for 9 months and 30days and on the 31st day when she found out I got sprung.

    My gf found out...needless to say there was a lot of crap for a month or so, but we felt we had a good few years together and we decided to give it another go.

    There were circumastances that allowed me to stray at the time and made it easy..thats all I'll say.
    9ys later we are now married with 2 kids and I haven't cheated since....

    I'm not speaking for your bf and say he would do the same, but after that I didn't have the opportunity to cheat again as I did before or lets just say it wasn't as easy, but if he still travels a lot for his job, there is a risk he will again.

    Your choice....


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    #41
    Lex Luthor
    Registered Users Posts: 11,220 ✭✭✭✭Lex Luthor


    Sony wrote:
    Definitely not no, he sounds like a disgrace to his sex !

    What I meant is that I wouldnt "expect" ONE chance , everyone makes mistakes and maybe some people do deserve to get a second chance in certain cases but deffo not this one-think we're all agreed on it anyway!
    A disgrace to his sex.....are you for real?


    I find it strange people have to come on here and ask this sort of question....this is a decision you should know in your heart already...and if you are asking us, then I'm guessing you are thinking of not splitting up.

    Best of luck


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    #42
    xXxnaoisexXx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 180 ✭✭xXxnaoisexXx


    do NOT stay with him.... once a cheater always a cheater


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    #43
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    i think you should stay him. YOu have to ask yourself, will you find a better guy?


    and judging by your Opening post, i seriously doubt you will.


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    #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I know I should probably read the whole thread, and read the story.. but ..

    You shouldn't give someone who cheats any chances whatsoever.


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    #45
    up for anything
    Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    what do i do wrote:
    my question is, do i give him another chance? he says he loves me and is serious about us but how could he be if he's been with other people. he is in his 30's and i am in my late 20's.

    If you have to ask this question you have as little respect for yourself as he obviously has for you.:rolleyes: If you stay with him you deserve everything he puts you through in the future. Apart from anything else you need to get yourself to an STI clinic and get thoroughly checked out.


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    #46
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    what do i do wrote:
    Going unregistered for this....I am going out with a guy for the last 6 years. I have found out recently that he has cheated with at least 3 girls. They weren't one nite stands they were complete relationships. For example he saw one girl for 7 months in total.

    He has also always maintained that he's only had a handful of sexual partners however the last girl he cheated with said he told her the number was 30+. his type of work means he travels alot during the week which means he can easily see people when he's away.

    my question is, do i give him another chance? he says he loves me and is serious about us but how could he be if he's been with other people. he is in his 30's and i am in my late 20's.

    Dont know how old this thread is but had to reply and my answer to your question is........... NONE Any excuse he throws at you
    i.e "Oh god i was so drunk i didnt even know where i was nevr mind who i was with"
    There is no excuse for it... Just pure infidelity plus is he lies about it when question well... Then its pretty clear all he cares about is gettin his bit about town..
    Im not saying everythin ive ever done has been whiter than white but when its happened to me and ive welcomed a seond chance it always comes back and bites you in the ass...
    At that stage i was always Hell Bent on REVENGE which may make you feel impowered, in control and ready to move on, but at the end of the day it will make you bitter inside and thas when the paranoia kicks in...
    If i were you id give him the boot FOR GOOD
    He's not worth it hun, You can do better.. So get your best outfit on, nicest shoes and prettiest lipgloss and get lookin!!!


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    #47
    StandnDeliver
    Registered Users Posts: 433 ✭✭StandnDeliver


    well it sounds like this predictament i found myself in
    this guy i knew lives with gf going out with her 3years but was shagging this other burd.so i told the other burd he had a gf via someone else.
    Now he has cheated on his gf 4 times i know off,he even told me he had chicks ringing him,and well in the end his gf found out again about his cheating.
    He spun her a tail yet again she took him back and now hes laughing at her calling her the regular lay....

    so the question i would ask yourself op is do u want this?


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    #48
    Hail 2 Da Chimp
    Registered Users Posts: 7,589 ✭✭✭Hail 2 Da Chimp


    Kick him to the kerb!!!!!

    he's obviously not worth the hassle!!!

    Either that of maybe you should stay with him and get another boyfriend?

    Whatever you choose... make sure to keep us posted!


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    #49
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    StandnDeliver wrote:
    well it sounds like this predictament i found myself in
    this guy i knew lives with gf going out with her 3years but was shagging this other burd.so i told the other burd he had a gf via someone else.
    Now he has cheated on his gf 4 times i know off,he even told me he had chicks ringing him,and well in the end his gf found out again about his cheating.
    He spun her a tail yet again she took him back and now hes laughing at her calling her the regular lay....

    so the question i would ask yourself op is do u want this?

    Lol call me a hypocrit over whati said regarding revenge before........
    But if this guy spun that sh"t on me he'd be one sorry mo-fo.......
    Castration and all!


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    #50
    Hail 2 Da Chimp
    Registered Users Posts: 7,589 ✭✭✭Hail 2 Da Chimp


    *Lolly* wrote:
    Lol call me a hypocrit over whati said regarding revenge before........
    But if this guy spun that sh"t on me he'd be one sorry mo-fo.......
    Castration and all!

    OOOOoooowwwwwwww.......

    your scaring me!!! :eek:


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    #51
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote:
    OOOOoooowwwwwwww.......

    your scaring me!!! :eek:

    Good! :D


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    #52
    Hail 2 Da Chimp
    Registered Users Posts: 7,589 ✭✭✭Hail 2 Da Chimp


    *Lolly* wrote:
    Good! :D

    I'v been a good little chimp i promise...


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    #53
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    Lol SO why is ur nose growing then Pinochio?:rolleyes:


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    #54
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    get a f*ck'n room.


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    #55
    Hail 2 Da Chimp
    Registered Users Posts: 7,589 ✭✭✭Hail 2 Da Chimp


    *Lolly* wrote:
    Lol SO why is ur nose growing then Pinochio?:rolleyes:

    ...em cuz chicks dig guys with big noses? :O)


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    #56
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    Chucky the tree wrote:
    get a f*ck'n room.

    Now why would you put a stupid little saying like that in a perfectly clean reasonable thread? Oh yeah thats right... Coz ur a moron.


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    #57
    Zulu
    Registered Users Posts: 10,965 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    *Lolly* wrote:
    Now why would you put a stupid little saying like that in a perfectly clean reasonable thread? Oh yeah thats right... Coz ur a moron.
    Look, he's right. The thread is dead.


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    #58
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Anyway, back on topic....

    OP,

    You can give a cheater 25 chances or dump him the first time he strays....what do feel like giving him? I get the feeling you want to give him another chance or you wouldn't have needed to post as he would already be history.....maybe you need to ask yourself why you would want to be with a man who has cheated on you? Did it hurt your feelings? Make you feel ashamed or embarassed? Make you feel bad? Why would you want to spend time with a man who made you feel like that?

    For me relationships are all about trust, respect and honesty - how much of any of those does someone who cheats on you show? He lied to you, cheated on you and disrespected the fundamental boundaries of most relationships....if you can live with all of that and forgive him - and trust he won't keep cheating, then give him another go......personally, you wouldn't see me for dust....


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    #59
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    Some people rekon it depends on the circumstances and whether you happened to be on a "Break" at the time...
    My Answer still stands... If you willingly let another person touch you in a passionate intimate or more than friendly way.... Your unfaithful and therefore should be stranded on a desert island surrounded by Pirahana infested water and left to rot....
    Even kissing is unfaithfullness in my big book o rules
    once a cheater always a cheater,,,


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    #60
    Gordon
    Registered Users Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    *Lolly* wrote:
    Now why would you put a stupid little saying like that in a perfectly clean reasonable thread? Oh yeah thats right... Coz ur a moron.
    No, because he doesn't like the off-topicness and I don't either.

    I know you're being overly dramatic about the castration and the pirhana desertion comments *Lolly* but can you at least understand that you've given your point, no need to ram it home twice.

    And personal insults such as calling someone a moron are not a good idea and can get you a ban from this forum.


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    #61
    *Lolly*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭*Lolly*


    Gordon wrote:
    No, because he doesn't like the off-topicness and I don't either.

    I know you're being overly dramatic about the castration and the pirhana desertion comments *Lolly* but can you at least understand that you've given your point, no need to ram it home twice.

    And personal insults such as calling someone a moron are not a good idea and can get you a ban from this forum.

    Well implying that iam flirting is not a good idea either...l I just dont liked to be talked to that way and told what iam doing when clearly iam not. It wasnt at all off topic.. I was giving my oen personal view on what i would/have done to people that betray me in the worst way... Maybe moron way a bit out of line but i dont like be told what iam doing when im not..


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