Obese son

thuja61

My son is just 18, and very overweight - his BMI is 31. He has always had a tendency to overeat, even as a little boy so was always a little bit on the chubby side, but never overweight as such. His food intake was always kept in check by me as far as I could - but I would do dinner and then in secret he would raid the fridge and help himself to a whole block of cheese or something, so this is where the extra weight came in.

His weight has been steadily rising year by year but the last two years he has absolutely ballooned in weight.Most of his weight is concentrated on his lower half from the waist down - huge huge buttocks and thighs.

Since having a part time job these last two years,he obviously has had his own money and therefore has been able to(and he has) buy whatever extra food he wants and I certainly have no control whatsoever over what he eats. Here is the crunch - we have had endless discussions about his weight, diets have been started, I have spent a fortune on special foods to follow recipies for him, we have dieted together,I have been as supportive as I possibly can.He will not stick to a diet for more than a few days.

He fluctuates between wanting to and knowing that he has to lose weight to claiming he doesn't care. Well I care - I care about his self esteem, I care about his body being covered in stretch marks, I care about him being able to buy clothes that fit and look good, I care about his future, I care about his health.

I am actually very concerned for his health and have asked him to go and speak to a doctor, alone or together, his choice but he won't go. I have a vision of him getting so fat that he won't be able to do anything.He has put on at least 8lbs in the last six weeks and I am now desperate to help him. Advice please!!!!

Frank Bullitt

my mother had the same prob with me a few years back,she brought me to the doc and he told bout heart trouble and ill health that could arise from being overweight,of course i lost all the weight and im fine now but i will say that what the docter told me hit home hard,there is nothing more terrifying than being told what could happen to you and especially when its yourself thats doing it to you.

Im not critising you when i say this but you yourself cant really tell your son to diet properly,because your his parent you still look out for him so you might not tell him the full facts so my advice to you is to bring him to the docter,the docter wont beat around the bushin telling your son that he is putting his life in danger from eating the way he is.

The doc will have loads of info for him on how to lose weight,its hard at first and i know this all to well but if you really are concerend about your son then bring him ASAP,it may be a scare for him but its the only way,trust me.

hope i was of some help,best of luck.

Smellyirishman

I have been writing and re-writing this post too much, so I will give you something to think about before the main men/women arrive!

Here are a few things which may help your son succeed:

Sticky at top of forum;

Some of the gurus have put some excellent, fundamental info here. Go through it.

Diet;

Get the crap out of the house, no chocolate, ice-cream, whatever. If it's not there, it cannot be eaten. Don't buy into all the weight watchers food, or any silly atkins diets, just eat good, natural, easily obtained, wholesome foods (In appropriate portions!).

I won't lie, it's pretty bad for the first month or so, not being able to eat all the crap you used to, but once you are achieving your goals and are feeling so much healthier, you will have no problems skipping past the chipper, or MacDs. Have a cheat MEAL (not day!) to help with this once a week, go out to a restaurant, have a big mac, eat some ice-cream, whatever.

Look for 5-6 meals a day (not dinner sized meals, you will see later)
Calories in must be less than Calories out, the simple fat loss formula.

Movement;
If your son is not active, that fat is going nowhere. The best way to burn fat is doing some cardio in the morning *before* breakfast. That means a 10 minute walk, building up to maybe 30 minutes over time, then a speed walk, build up to jogging... etc

If he does not feel like doing it on any one morning, tell him to go out for 2-5 minutes, if after 2-5 minutes he does not want to continue his cardio, fine (Idea being that after 2-5 minutes he will rarely if ever turn back)

Goals, Motivation and Consistency;

Setting goals and achieving them is the single biggest reason I have not given up, being able to see/calculate success is massive for motivation. (For me at least) Keep track of weight loss, time spent walking, speed of walks, anything he can see improvement in will only boost his determination and make him realise his success.

Reaching goals stops any of this "I wish I could" , "If only" , "Maybe someday" mentallity and replaces it with an "I can" , "I will" , "I am" mentality.

Let him know, it is possible and ge can do this if he wants to. Also let him know how you feel about his health etc.. and take him to a doctor for a reality check.

Finally, here are some links to people that have done what your son wants to, showing them to him may help motivate him.

(I would say don't worry too much if your son does not have access to a gym and weights just yet)
From 250-160
Before and After (5 years)
His approach to diet and workout(Notice cardio EVERY day before breakfast)
More you can look through here

As you can see, diet and cardio are the key, motivation and consistency are generally the problems. Hope this has helped some, I will let the more experienced take over now!

thuja61

Gintonious wrote:

Im not critising you when i say this but you yourself cant really tell your son to diet properly,because your his parent you still look out for him so you might not tell him the full facts so my advice to you is to bring him to the docter,the docter wont beat around the bushin telling your son that he is putting his life in danger from eating the way he is.
.

I CANNOT make him go to the doctor. I have told him of all the risks to his health, and I haven't beaten around the bush either.Yeah yeah yeah. I know, I know, I will go on a diet. I don't care. These are the replies I get.
What anm I supposed to do - just stop giving a siht? I feel for him. He must feel physically awful - he looks terrible, and knows it but claims not to care, he will not exercise, he IS lazy,not motivated,and I have tried everything but it is no good. He has said to me before that he is on his *healthy eating* plan,and that is great - I buy extra yogurt, fruit, fat free muller rice etc you get my drift,I grill chicken, make extra salad, and then I find 2 or three empty biscuit TINS and empty packs of chocolate hobnobs hidden under the sofa or in the wardrobe.
He did a slimfast diet for two weeks and gained weight - he had slimfast AND lunch and dinner and extras.

I do not buy junk food so there are no temptations in the house - he buys his OWN. My daughter has the occasional kitkat in her liunch box - a pack of 32 or whatever was disappearing in a matter of 4 days - I have had to buy magnetic locks for the presses in the kitchen to keep him out.

Quite honestly I am scared he is going to to pop- he literally waddles when he walks he is getting so heavy. I need to find a way of helping him or getting him to see that he HAS to do something NOW before it gets to the point of no return.

BrianD3

Sounds to me like he's depressed and is in a vicious cycle whereby the fatter he gets the more depressed he gets and the less he cares about his appearance and health.

I wonder if he got a hard time in secondary school over his weight. Probably, even if he didn't tell you. he was probably bad at sports too and I can't imagine he was too successful with girls either.

Perhaps if/when he goes to college or starts working it'll be a new start for him and a chance to leave the crap that goes on in sec. school behind. This should allow him to develop confidence in himself and start to take interest in his health and appearance.

thuja61

BrianD3 you are making valid points - I know for certain he comfort eats and it is his state of mind that is the key.But I cannot get to the bottom of it.

He has never been sporty - more often with his nose in a book rather than playing footie.No girls on the scene as yet, and I KNOW it sounds so shallow but it is true - he is so so attractive, very goodlooking, intelligent, witty and has a terrific sense of humour but that is not going to help him with women when he is so overweight.It just won't. I know there are people who claim that they can look past all that, but I know the truth - people are mean and shallow and thats life.
If you are massively fat you are never going to be as popular with girls no matter how nice or handsome you are.


You know re reading that it seems as if I'm mostly concerned with appearance, but I'm not. I am concerned about it for his sake, but my main worry is his health, and trying to get through to him that he has to take steps to change his way of eating and lifestyle.

BrianD3

Is he starting college/full time work soon or has he done so already. I ask this because people can often come on in huge leaps in terms of confidence and cop on at this time in their life. He will change a lot from age 18 to 21, that's for certain. The obesity could sort itself out because he could naturally come around to the idea that he needs to do something about his weight.

Nothing wrong or shallow about discussing the appearance issue here (although be careful if bringing thsi topic up with him directly, he could be VERY sensitive about it)

But appearance could be a greater motivating factor for him than health. Young people often don't care about their health too much as they can't see many tangible benefits to being healthy, in contrast looking good is seen as bringing tangible benefits (i.e GURRLS!)

flutegirl

thuja61,

Is there anybody you know that your son looks up to? Someone who might provide some inspiration, or somebody that he admires, role models (celebs) that could help with motivation? I was overweight as a youngster and the pressure from the parents going on about weight and food all the time does not help, neither does locking cupboards. I can understand your frustration but you need to approach this from another angle. You say he likes to read? What about getting him some fitness books or magazines, shifting the emphasis from weight to fitness. I'm sure there is some way of hooking him in, it's just finding what it is he likes, is passionate about and using that as the motivating tool.

t-ha

I don't know how helpful this will be but, when I was obese nothing anyone else said made any huge difference. It was only when I got pissed off about it myself one day and decided to do something about it that I lost the weight. You could try just backing off for a while and seeing if he makes the decision himself. Obviously, I have only my own experience to go on here so this advice could be totally wrong for you and your son, but it's worth a go?

justsomebloke

ye i have to agree with t-ha unless he wants to change it is going to be very hard for you to do anything for him. Cause not matter what people told me when i was obese ( i only realised i used to have a BMI of 32.5) it didn't matter what people told me nothing happened, I only made the change when i realised for myself that i was going to be a walking heart attack waiting to happen until i did something about it myself

Dragan

I would also like to point out that the most important thing about getting anyone to start anything is that need to enjoy the challenge and have fun in doing it.

Maybe talking about needing to lose weight all the time is making the goal of doing that seem almost impossible " How do i go from this fat to that thin" is a question i asked myself many times and that caused me to stumble.

Do everything slowly, you can't control his diet too much, but you can control what you do together. Try and make everything you guys do very active, maybe start walking , cycling, swimming together etc.

Maybe tell him that rather than him needing your help, that you need his? Tell him you really to do a mini marathon next year ( AND DO IT!!!! ) and that you really need his help and motivation and would love it if he could do some of the training with you?

Make his requirements secondary and you might just take his mind of things until he turns around one day and says "jesus, where did that 14 pounds go, i can do this"

Like t-ha said, take the heat off, but try and keep him active. Personal change comes only from personnal realisation. Self improvment can't be pointed out.

galavanr

hi sorry to inetrupt but your thread is the most recent, i am a new user and cannot find how to post a new thread (topic), its probobly starring me in the face but i just cant find it? thanks:)

r3nu4l

flutegirl wrote:

thuja61,

You say he likes to read? What about getting him some fitness books or magazines, shifting the emphasis from weight to fitness.

Brilliant suggestion flutegirl!!

Original poster, I really feel for your son, it's good to see you care so much! Okay, buy him a subscription to a magazine like Mens Health, that way he won't feel embarrassed about going into a shop and buying it, plus, if he likes to read and it's lying around...he might get interested and see that it is possible and not too late! 18 is so young!

The magazine is very motivational and while some of the articles are more for more serious enthusiasts, there is usually a section for beginners in each issue, plus lots of articles on weight loss and great little facts and figures! It's better than the usual body building mags because it covers everything from weights, to cardio and personal issues, including self-esteem!! Buy an issue yourself first and if you think your son might read it, buy him a subscription.

Good luck, and no, I don't work for the mag, it just helped me when I needed help!!

spidermonkey

when i first started working, it was in a chip shop, not the best place i know, and i did put on weight, surprise surprise, but what turned things around was about a year after i started working, my friends and i all sort of got into skateboarding about the same time, and the weight got burnt off very quickly, i also shot up like a rocket too, im 6ft3 now. what i might suggest is that the summer is approaching, why not encourage him and his friends into some outdoor sports, regardless of what it is.
also what i did was setup a seperate account in my bank so every week when i got paid into my current a/c most of my wages went into that other a/c account and all i was left with was enough to keep me going, set a future goal like a car.

if he eats a lot of fast food, you should rent a dvd documentary called "supersize me" thats how bad fast food can be for you!

also one of my moms friends daughter was very over weight, even though she constantly dieted and exercised, no one knew what was wrong, well it turned out that she has an underactive gland and there was something else to do with bread that didn't help either, haven't seen her in years, so i dont know how she is now. but a blood test might shed some light

Jim10000

I really sympathise with you and your son OP. I was quite lardy as a youngster too and it was pretty awful.

I've been racking my brains for a while trying to think of some outdoors/active work he might be able to do for the summer because I think that might be a solution.

I'd say what he needs is a total change of scene for a few months away from his habits and routines and the possibility of constant snacking.

One thing he has on his side is is age... if he puts his mind to it around 18 should be a relatively easy age to lose weight and I assume he doesn't have commitments so he would be able to go off for a few months.

Maybe something like agricultural work some where sunny or something like that? Maybe somewhere with other young people? Could he be convinced to try something like that? (obviously with the intention of trying to eat healthily during that time) He might even enjoy it!

tetsujin1979

Something similar that helped me lose a few pounds is working in a warehouse. I was in one for 3 months one summer, all the lifting, carrying and so on made the weight fall off. One tip though, make your lunch at home and don't bring any more money than you need for the bus or taxi, you will spend the extra on the vending machines

because_I_can

thats tough man. i was in the same boat. very fat kid...
The one thing that wont help though is to keep nagging at him. he needs to make his own mind up that he's going to get it sorted. anything you say or do wont make him do it. It has to be him alone. For that to happen he will probably get a lot worse before he realises...

The one thing that did help me though was a total change in lifestyle. I moved out of home...
I started having to cook my own food. More often than not it was pizza but eventually i got sick of that and it improved month by month until i got to the 9% BF im at now and a fairly serious athlete.

So think about changing something in his life. Like as someone said a job or a club or sport

astro

tell him if he doesnt start losing weight your going to **** him out of the house

ferdi

nice astro.

there is probably a deeper reason behind his over eating. its for comfort - he feels bad in himself so he eats to cheer himself up, and so it continues.