Irish Sayings

optiplexgx270

I'm as sick as a small hospital

I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child

She had a face on her like a well slapped a*se

Your' re as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit

My mouth's as dry as a nuns cr@ck

He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup

He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician

As funny as a burning orphanage

He's so camp, he sh1tes tent pegs

I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover)

(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

As busy as the dalkey dole office

Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit

As tight as a nun's knickers

I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn

I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

Up and down like a hoor's knickers

No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt

I left her with a face like a painters radio

A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard

Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche

As fit as a butcher's dog

She ' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book

Not even the tide would take her out

Mother Teresa wouldn 't kiss her

Daz wouldn't shift her

Des Kelly wouldn't lay her

A sniper wouldn't take her out

Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle

If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one

She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle

She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab

If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall

Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her

jsr

She/He has the face of a bad bee keeper.

Flex

LOL!!! brilliant stuff

smokey2

jaws wouldn't bite her

the tide wouldn't bring her out

crosstownk

I'm so hungry I'd eat the hind leg of the lamb of God

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

I couldn't beat her away with a sh1tty nettle

Hagar

Some really good ones in there.

deegan_m

I wouldn't ride her if she had pedals.

de5p0i1er

ROFL. The best thing I've read in months.

xzanti

Iv a mouth like an Arabs sandal (hungover)
He/She has a face like a melted welly
Shes had more pricks in her than the <enter local pub>'s dartboard

jsr

we should include threats

"Do ya see the window over there? Well I'll put ya through the wall beside it!

tosh_thedude

Shur he wouldnt be yer father if he didnt bait Ja!

She's seen more C0ck ends than weekends!

meditraitor

Im so hungry I could eat the balls of a low flying seagull

He was as full as a train to calcutta (and/or bingo bus)

Orion

If it was raining mickeys she'd be hit by a brick

Mr Magnolia

If it was raining fann!es he'd get hit by a c0ck.

I'm so Hungry I'd: ate the knickers of a nun through a hole in a convent wall.

I'm so Hungry I'd: ate the scab off a knackers lip.

I'm sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown.

I don't know if I need a sh!te or a haircut (hung-over)

I'm hung like a Hoover

tosh_thedude wrote:

She's seen more C0ck ends than weekends!

Like it!

kkposse

I wouldn’t get up on her to get over a wall
I’ve seen better dressed wounds
She’s a head like a bag of well chewed toffees
She’s a head like a bag of cats
She does be in and out like a yellow card at a derby match
She’s had more up her than the Eiffel Tower
You don’t look at the mantelpiece when you are poking the fire
If you were a dog I’d put you down
I’ve seen faster clocks

oxygen_old

I wouldn't touch her with <insert mates name> c0ck, and thats saying something

andy1249

An arse like a bag of sand ,
may ya die roaring in a snowdrift ,
may your balls grow square and rot at the corners ,
Sweating like gary glitter on a bouncy castle,

TerrorFirmer

Quality lads. Absolute quality.

Loomis

I've heard **** all of them tbh
Though these were legend!
The imagery :-) - I left her with a face like a painters radio
Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche
If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one

netwhizkid

I'm so hungry I could eat the tyres of a tractor!

He couldn't score in a hoor house...Commonly used when the centre forward puts an easy free wide.

Tis a great day....usually said when raining

That omadán (amadan but with an o Irish Style)

Holy Mary Mother of God and the Donkey !!

jazoo

Your Mott Looks Like Peter Beardsly

macfran

Dublin sayings

Moore Street fish and fruit traders

If ya don't want them don't maul them

Them's prawns not pricks they don't get bigger the more you handle them

He is only a latchico (never saw it written down only heard it so don't know if the spelling is correct)

Archeron

You smell like a whores handbag.

She'd a face like a bucket of vomit.

Plug

You dont be lookin at the mantel piece when your poking the fire!

Khannie

de5p0i1er wrote:

ROFL. The best thing I've read in months.

Absolutely PISSING myself here. I'm in a clients office on easter saturday and I'm laughing so hard I'm makin' a show of myself. Fookin' brilliant thread.

OctavarIan

Ha ha, I haven't laughed this much at a thread for god knows how long. Top stuff & bookmarked.

Capt'n Midnight

Remember it would only happen on a cold damp day.
He wouldn't give you the steam off his pi$$

If you break your leg, don't come running to me

To throw a wobbler

going like the clappers

a dosser

http://users.bigpond.net.au/kirwilli/dubslang/ - good but lots of them should be on the Spel Chez thread.

andy1249

He couldnt hit a cows arse with a banjo , ( bad aim ! )

Another clean shirt'ill do em ( quite sick ! )

Takes the cigarettes out of his pockets lightin ! ( Mean ! )

Plug

You have a face like a well slapped arse.
____________________________________________________
Could I have a lend of your face, my arse is going on holidays.

Plug

Ya have a face like a bag of hammers.

Tchocky

So hungry I'd eat a horse between two bread vans

(large, thick glasses) He's like a crow looking into a bottle

It's stickin, like child's sh1te to a blanket

fobster

They use her face to put out the bonfires out in the North.

geld

xxxxx is as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike!

Geld

hiscan

im so hungry id eat the arse of a child through the rungs of a cot

Danno

She has had more mickeys in her than there are stakes in the curragh!

Lep up on the crack of dawn if it had hair on it

A load of bollixoligy

Plug

My father said this one, dosent make much sense but here goes
"Your an excuse for an abortion ba5terd" to a traveller.

milltown

I could eat a horse and chase the jockey.

She had a fanny like a plumbers toolbox (could do with a trim)

If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all.

I hope hope his ears turn into arses and **** on his shoulders.

MrSinn

Im so hungry i would eat ****e out of a babys nappy

RichJH

She's got a face that would crack a snipers lens

keano_afc

Old threads are old.

number10a

HAHA! These are brilliant!! Well done whoever dug this tread up!!

It's stuck on like shít to a blanket.

Sure he'd stick it into a beehive.

Go away and scratch your ass with a broken bottle.

Would ya go 'way and rub sh(i)t to yourself.

Yer wan would get up on her father if she had half a chance.

admiralofthefleet

ive eyes like a racing dogs bollix on a frosty morning (a bad hangover)

shove it up yer swiss/bollix/brenda/the eye of your prick

Sam Kade

She wouldn't give her sh1t to the crow's.

Nokem

She's that horny she'd get up on a monday morning

He wouldnt get his hole on a polo factory

I wouldnt be gone on his/her face.

I wouldn't get up on her to paint the ceiling

she looks like lego

She's no pony but she'd do for a ride around the room.

number10a

Sam Kade wrote: »

She wouldn't give her sh1t to the crow's.

I forgot about that one. Love it though!!! :D

niamhy84

So hungry id eat a scabby cows arse through a hedge!:D

He'd peel an orange in his pocket..!:P (mean)!

The Agogo

-We're getting loads of weather (Adam/Paul)

-There'll be two hits in this fight: me hitting you, and you hittin the fcuking ground!

-she's as mad as a bag of spiders

-I'd get better head off a pint of Guinness

-He wouldn't p*ss on you if you were on fire

-If you ran out of bogroll he'd pass you a crisp bag

-you'd have better-kept secrets telling the nationals' than telling her

areu4real?

She has a fanny like a wizards sleeve

She has a face like a stuntmans elbow

It was like ridin' a bucket of water

She has a fanny like a stab wound in a gorrillas back


Unrelated harsh joke I heard today:

What does one in ten people not enjoy?

Gang rape

The Agogo

good stuff..

mega man

you've a head like a well bet arse

mega man

i'll give her a slap of the fat lad-