Bad at remembering names

Blisterman

I'm not going unregistered for this, because, to be honest, it's not really an embarrasing problem. Basically, I'm terrible at remembering people's names. I meet someone and a few minutes into the conversation, and I've forgotten their name. I hate having to ask people their names over and over. Does anyone have any advice, on oversoming this problem?

Gordon

I'm awful at remembering names too but I realised some time ago that I couldn't care less about people's names, hence I don't mind forgetting them. I'd much remember relevant facts about the person than their name so I hone in on what I'm interested in instead.

That's probably not much help to you is it?

Blisterman

No. Actually, the worst part is, I can't remember some of the names of people I've known for months, and who I talk to regularly.

Fajitas!

I have terrible memory too, but usually, if I can link something to them, I can make a connection... Which makes no sense.

I'll try again... If they the person says something, that you can relate to, that helps you remember their name. Kind of like mental PostIts.

Faith

Yeah, Fajitas has the right idea. Make mental connections, pick out certain distingushing features and link them to the person. You can also do certain exercises to help improve your memory, but I can't think of any right now.

Basq

I'm the same...

Typical example is someone i know but haven't seen in a while (e.g. past school-mate) says hello to me in the street and i know their face. And i reckon i know their name and take a stab at it while i'm walking past. "How it's going, X?" (where X = what i think their name is)

And as soon as it's outta my mouth and they've walked past me - i always think "was that their name? I think so... but i'm not sure!"

Irritating but i cope!

Esel

When you meet the person first, use their name a few times in the conversation. Apparently, it helps imprint the name in your mind.

Also, try and create a memory hook based on their name - e.g. "Keith - big teeth", "Jenny - spends a penny" etc. etc. THen, when you see them again, you automatically think "teeth - Keith" or "penny - Jenny" etc.

Faith

esel wrote:

When you meet the person first, use their name a few times in the conversation. Apparently, it helps imprint the name in your mind.

Actually, yeah, that is true. I remember my psych lecturer teaching us that. The more you say a name, the more likely you are to remember so. So when they introduce themselves as Rick, or whatever, say "Hey Rick" instead of just hey, and use their name as often as you can.

Fanny Cradock

same here...

actually, i'm so bad that i'm now not confident that i'm going to get the name right. i stick to general terms such as "hey man" or "howdy dude". makes me sound like an asshole, but there you go!

Fajitas!

Faith wrote:

You can also do certain exercises to help improve your memory, but I can't think of any right now.

They're brutal!!!! My principle in 6th year tried teaching me some... I got so frustrated!!! Saying the name is a good idea, or even if you say you'll talk to them again, and ask them to put their number in your phone - not in a 'coming onto' way.

arbeitsscheuer

Blisterman wrote:

I'm not going unregistered for this, because, to be honest, it's not really an embarrasing problem. Basically, I'm terrible at remembering people's names. I meet someone and a few minutes into the conversation, and I've forgotten their name. I hate having to ask people their names over and over. Does anyone have any advice, on oversoming this problem?

I have this exact problem too... Altho I have an appallingly sieve-like memory anyway so it's nothing personal.

All ya can do is try your best to remember them. Like you, I hate asking ppl's names, and tbh I never ever do so. It's just too damn awkward, especially since you can have a perfectly good conversation with someone without knowing/remembering their name anyway. Like I say, I have the same problem, I've had it for years, but I've pretty much come to terms with it - hell, I could list off a load of ppl I'd consider friends whose names I can't remember... Or at least I could list em off if I could put a name to their faces...:o

There's a concrete cure, which is saying their name repeatedly as soon as they tell you it, but I've never done it cos, frankly, you'll look like a loon.

marie_85

I'm the opposite, I've a great memory for names and even worse phone numbers, and people think I'm strange because of it. I'm used to people not remembering my name, and if I think they've forgotten it, I usually drop it into the conversation myself somehow.

Fajitas!

Actually, do any of the people here have good memory regarding anything else?

I can remember some things perfectly, like whole conversations, or events, but just not names etc...? Selective memory perhaps?

dango

I use names as often as i can (showing a degree of friendliness but not too much) as soon as i can. i find i seldom forget names.
just my €.02

cuckoo

I forget names, but i do remember the most random, oddest details of conversations i have with people. When i bump into them again a few weeks later i can remember to ask what they thought of the cd they'd just bought when we'd last talked 3 weeks ago (which leaves them feeling flattered), but their name? Not a clue!

real_ate

ya know for all this forgetting names it really does show that you have, well what some people call a condition... i don't know what its called but i got it too! i'ts like, you don't relate a "tag" to people (such as their name) instead you define people by their actions and what they say. in my opinion i think we have it better off
and marie_85 you could always try what i do to remember your phone numbers, i look at the number as shapes (usually a series of triangles or patterns) on the keypad and for some reason the number stays with me for a lot longer hope it helps!

justsomebloke

ye there are lots of people out there youcan't remember names, me included. It is amazing how far you can get though without having to remember peoples names, as quite often in converssation you don't need to bring up a persons name even when saying hello.
I get by in my job only due to the fact that i have a map of my building with the names of everyone on it and where they sit, I am a net admin so would be pretty screwed without it

sutty

I suffer from the same problem... and I do mean suffer. There is nothing worse when you are trying to chat up a girl and you keep forgetting her name, and she knows it. Sucks big time. If anyone hads some good tricks to remembering names, I'd not mind knowing them as well

dundalk cailin

Like marie-85,im great with names and numbers! I just seem to be able to automatically remember someones name when introduced. ALthough it def doesnt always work both ways, i get called aileen, aideen, amy etc.. thats if they do even have an inkling of my name! im used to it, i think more people have trouble remembering names than have ease. i sometimes even pretend ive forgotten someones name just so i dont seem a little crazy

arbeitsscheuer

Incidentally, for those of us who have a nightmare struggling to remember ppl's names, Boards Beers are the absolute hell of such situations!

Think about it, if you have a difficult enuff time trying to remember ONE name for a person, think about how hard it really is when you have to remember TWO: Real name and Boards monikor!:eek:

Soul-destroying, I tells ya...

Fajitas!

cuckoo wrote:

I forget names, but i do remember the most random, oddest details of conversations i have with people. When i bump into them again a few weeks later i can remember to ask what they thought of the cd they'd just bought when we'd last talked 3 weeks ago (which leaves them feeling flattered), but their name? Not a clue!

That's exactly the way I am...Odd eh?

Nevyn

SebtheBum wrote:

Incidentally, for those of us who have a nightmare struggling to remember ppl's names, Boards Beers are the absolute hell of such situations!

Think about it, if you have a difficult enuff time trying to remember ONE name for a person, think about how hard it really is when you have to remember TWO: Real name and Boards monikor!:eek:

Soul-destroying, I tells ya...

Not really to a lot of people using thier boards nick gives them a context in how they know you.
Not being good with names and faces is pretty common, so really why be upset about it why not when you bump into someone simply say " oh I am sorry I am awfull at names what was yours again ? "

Fajitas!

Lol, but it does get embarassing if you are trying to chat someone up, or having a serious conversation... Or worst of all, having to to introduce people...

muppetkiller

I'm exactly the same although I think the reason I don't remember is I'm always concentrating on the persons body Language..
I think it's from when I was younger and a wee bit insecure.


I am able to remember entire conversations word for word though which is kinda odd.

Blisterman

I'm gonna try the "using their name in the conversation idea", see if that works. Thanks for the advice.

Tar.Aldarion

I never use peoples names, not that I don't remember them, it's just that there really is no need to say their name.
I notice how people seem to say my name every few sentences. I don't really see the point.

Jamey

On the subject or remebering things, there was one guy in my school, bit of a teachers pet, but he knew every teacher's car reg off by heart. It was amazing. everyday he'd go down the corridor, and everyone would go "hey, what's Mr. X's reg number?", and he'd say it off straight away, as quick as lightning.

Kinetic^

Jamey wrote:

On the subject or remebering things, there was one guy in my school, bit of a teachers pet, but he knew every teacher's car reg off by heart. It was amazing. everyday he'd go down the corridor, and everyone would go "hey, what's Mr. X's reg number?", and he'd say it off straight away, as quick as lightning.

That's how I remember people's cars, I thought i was the only one .

I have the opposite problem to the OP, seem to remember people's faces and names too well. I could say hello to somebody and they'd be like, who??

The_Minister

Keyser Soze 5 wrote:

I have the opposite problem to the OP, seem to remember people's faces and names too well. I could say hello to somebody and they'd be like, who??

I have a strange mix of the above, and the below

cuckoo wrote:

I forget names, but i do remember the most random, oddest details of conversations i have with people. When i bump into them again a few weeks later i can remember to ask what they thought of the cd they'd just bought when we'd last talked 3 weeks ago (which leaves them feeling flattered), but their name? Not a clue!

I normally forget faces but I also remember completly random people for no reason and sometimes remember conversations from six years ago.
That said it can take me months to learn some peoples names


I would suggest how they spell the name ie. eoin or eoghan? Works a treat.

Esel

Firespinner wrote:

...I would suggest how they spell the name ie. eoin or eoghan? Works a treat...

"So, Peter . . how do you spell that by the way?"

You won't need to remember their name, they'll think you're weird and blank you next time!

Zaph

Whatever about names, I'm appallingly bad at remembering faces. I've lost count of the number of times I've been introduced to people only for them to say something like "Yeah, we've met already at X" and I have no recollection of ever having seen them before. That has led to some really embarrassing moments. I just thought it was worth mentioning so that if I'm ever at any future Boards Beers and I blank someone I've met before they should know it's not personal

KrankStricher

basquille wrote:

I'm the same...

Typical example is someone i know but haven't seen in a while (e.g. past school-mate) says hello to me in the street and i know their face. And i reckon i know their name and take a stab at it while i'm walking past. "How it's going, X?" (where X = what i think their name is)

And as soon as it's outta my mouth and they've walked past me - i always think "was that their name? I think so... but i'm not sure!"

Irritating but i cope!

Ha, just as well you're not popular enough to carry out full conversations.*humour(no harm intended)


Yeah, I also am hopeless, at face-name recognition, I really am, what's worse is everyone seems to remember me and I am like
"oh yeah I think I spoke to you befor, did I"
or worse once I met a girl the next day, and asked her what she did last night, 'cause I forgot I spent the night drinking with her, but that was more drunkenness I suspect.

simu

There's a useful word for these situations: hey. Can be used instead of a person's name 99% of the time.

arbeitsscheuer

simu wrote:

There's a useful word for these situations: hey. Can be used instead of a person's name 99% of the time.

Being a cockney, I come equipped with a default set of greetings for either gender in the event of monikor-loss:

To a Guy = "mate"
To a Girl = "darlin"

When talking about said guy to other "mates" = "that bloke"
When talking about said girl = "that bird"

Works quite effectively... 99% of the time, as simu said...

Blisterman

That's all well and good, until you have to introduce people.

arbeitsscheuer

Blisterman wrote:

That's all well and good, until you have to introduce people.

Ah, that's where the 1% comes in!!!

Yeah, then I'm screwed.

Nevyn

One of my exs would just ramble along in conversation not introducing people to each other until they would introduce themsleves or I would intoduce myself to them and tell them my name and they having manners would do like wise.
He was pretty awful at remembering names and I soon figured out if he didn't make introductions it was because he had forgotten the names completely but would be please when they would tell me thier name so he could try to remember but well he never did.
We would be out and eventually their would be the whispered comment of 'who is that ?' and I would have to remind him of the persons name.
Yet when it came to old and minor differing techspecs for pc hardwear he could ramble them off no propblem.

damo

I have the exact same problem - i forget peoples names within a matter of seconds, and alot of the time peoples names dont even seem to register, its like a part of my brain shuts off when someone tells me their name - its really weird but its not the end of the world, its a hinderence in some situtions notably talking to girls but its a fairly minor problem.

redman

I would suggest picking up one of Tony Buzan's books, such as Make the most of your mind.

His methods really made a difference with myself and others I have since introduced. I first came across his work in 1988, he started with a TV series on BBC in 1969.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0563487038/ref=pd_sim_b_dp_4/202

http://www.mind-map.com/EN/index.html

He has sections on remembering peoples names and also some great stuff for studying/revision such as Mind Maps.

Redman

Fajitas!

Blisterman wrote:

That's all well and good, until you have to introduce people.

If you're stuck on one persons name, only introduce the other person, for example, "Oh this is my friend James", then they'll go "Oh hi, I'm John"...Meaning they get introduced, and you have a second chance at getting their name!

dbnavan

I am terrible with names, what I do sometimes especially with people i just met I try to associate there name either with someone else I know of the same name or with someone famous, of the same name. Works sometimes helps if u can remember the famous persons name LOL.

Demetrius

I used to be the same way, but now Ive turned the exact opposite. What did I do? If youre introduced to somebody, maintain eye contact for a second and repeat their name a few times internally. If you speak to them, mention their name in a sentence. Also, as mentioned before, focuse in on a characteristic eg beard, glasses.

Blisterman

Actually, I was out last night, and I decided that every person I'm introduced to, I'll think of an association with their name, for example, I met someone called Aran, so I thought "Aran Islands" and it worked. So it looks like I have my answer.

biko

"Everybody complains of their memory, but nobody of their judgement".

French writer François de La Rochefoucauld comments on the limits of human insight.

snorlax

there are lots of different types of memory: short term/ long term/ sensory memory , semantic memory/ retrospective memory etc. wikipedia has a good entry on it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory and for some tips http://www.web-us.com/memory/improving_memory.htm (the more deeply you process information the more likely you are to remember it and the less distractions there are around you as these influence the encoding stage of your memory, boards beers being full of distractions !, also if you associate with something you already know it helps to make the retrival/ neural pathways in your brain/ central nervous system stronger eg using semantic memory)