URGENT dilemma should i bed him?

LegacyUser

my best friend went away for a year and she broke up with her boyfriend before going she still calls him though
she was with him 3 months when she left and cheated on him a good few times before leaving and after I asked her why she stayed with him she said he was too nice to leave

he made it clear to me twice before that he fancied me and I told him it wasn't on and gave out to him didn't say it to her though as we were both locked

I've stayed in contact with him because he lives near me and we get on great

im wondering would it be really totally unforgivable if I slept with him just for sex because I know they wont get back together but I would be breaking the don't sleep with your best friends ex kind rule (I previously broke the don't sleep with your ex's best friend rule twice as well so feeling guilty) no one got hurt though and no one found out and I would intend on keeping this strictly on the QT as well
would i be a total C**T if i slept with him not as anything to do with my mate just for a F**k i figure as well its not being bold unless you get caught
also would that be taking advantage of him ?

turbot

Given that:

1) She wasn't faithful
2) She has gone away for a year
3) She didn't go out with him for that long

You are well within your rights to do what you want, provided you make it clear to him what it is that you want, so he can enjoy you, though not get hurt.

Is it your intention to basically use him for sex?

Ickle Magoo

Why can't you be upfront with everyone? It wasn't like they were engaged & your pal was devistated when they broke up....why not be honest & tell everyone where they stand....sounds like you have a bit of a penchant for your friend's ex's.....

3 months hardly constitutes a relationship in my book but then I wouldn't want my best friends left overs....so just do what suits you best & doesn't hurt anyone else....:)

paulmartin

No guy would consider a woman having sex with him as taking advantage no matter what the circumstances. Especially if he says he fancies you!! Once you tell him it's just sex, there's no problem. He might even like it that way. Anyway she's gone away anyway so go for it.

alfa147

I think u already know what ur going todo, enjoy it and next time don't bother asking for advice. Even if everyone said don't id say u would go for it anyway. they were'nt really and item so its fair game in my eyes.

scojones

They weren't really an item. G'wan ya good thing!

Zebra3

honeybabe wrote:

but I would be breaking the don't sleep with your best friends ex kind rule

Is this a rule you and your mate agreed on?

If not, have fun!!!

AngryBadger

paulmartin wrote:

No guy would consider a woman having sex with him as taking advantage no matter what the circumstances..

pretty much

hullaballoo

Go for it.

mickymg2003

You go Girl!!You go Have Sex With Him!!!

Nevyn

Safe consensual sex that is.

funk-you

Do him.

-Funk

metrovelvet

Why is this urgent? Do you have a deadline?

Your friend may get annoyed but hey, just because she planted the flag doesnt mean she owns the mountain.

Do what you need to do. It doesnt sound like she valued him that much in the first place.

Let us know how it goes.

LegacyUser

honeybabe wrote:

(I previously broke the don't sleep with your ex's best friend rule twice as well so feeling guilty)

Slightly disgusted by that statement, girls would you consider this normal? If so men in general would be justified in being paranoid???

The Corinthian

honeybabe wrote:

im wondering would it be really totally unforgivable if I slept with him just for sex

If you don’t feel your friend would mind or if you feel she doesn’t have a right to mind then no, you should go for it.

also would that be taking advantage of him ?

Not if you’re hot.

The Corinthian

paulmartin wrote:

No guy would consider a woman having sex with him as taking advantage no matter what the circumstances.

You've not had sex with many women, have you?

dundalk cailin

in the case of me and my friend, she got pissed off when i kissed a guy she had kissed before, so if that were me he's def "off limits"!! And we were 18..so maybe my friend needs to chill out a little :rolleyes:

Talliesin

honeybabe wrote:

but I would be breaking the don't sleep with your best friends ex kind rule (I previously broke the don't sleep with your ex's best friend rule twice as well so feeling guilty)

That's a rule?

Granted, I wouldn't particularly fancy any of my exes' best friends (though one was kinda cute now I think about it) or any of my best friends' exes (mostly heterosexualy men anyway). But really, unless there's been the kind of break-up where you spend many hours bitching about them (sleeping with the person you heard *that story* about is just weird), then why the hell not?

Wurly

I dont think you should sleep with him. If its just for sex and nothing else, then you should find someone thats not attached to your mate in some way. This couls be a recipe for disaster in the long term. If you wanted a relationship with him, then that would be different. Id find someone else to sleep with rather than him to be honest. Good luck with whatever you decide.

LegacyUser

i know she'd be pissed off in the i don't want him but you cant have him either type of way
but i'd never intend on her finding out
they didnt break up because they were incompatible just because she was going away and she didn't want to be tied to someone she couldn't see (and she wanted to be experiencing foreign men of course)

i don't know at all TBH

and i know it seem like im a c**t for getting involved in two of ex's best mates but what am i supposed to say it was stupid to do but it was only harmless fun and its not like i did it and told the ex as a revenge thing

i think it was a power thing in the end of the day i had to get what i wanted and at the time in question(when under the influence 1 of the times) i went for it
im not short of male attention so i suppose it wouldn't be taking advantage
if i decide to do it i have to pick the right moment because i don't want him to think i had it planned or anything

but i'd be breaking the girly code

biko

metrovelvet wrote:

Why is this urgent?

I was just thinking that! And then I pictured her on the side of the bed, with him on the other, furiously tapping away on her laptop

paulmartin

The Corinthian wrote:

You've not had sex with many women, have you?

Why have you been taken advantage of by a girl you fancied? Explain

metrovelvet

If you read TCs first post it only counts as taking advantage when the woman is not hot. So we can conclude that TC has slept with a fair amount of mediocre women.

kittenkiller

Why can't you find your own sexual partner instead of sharing them with your friends?
So a bloke fancies you, so what.
I'm sure you're attractive enough to go out & find some meaningless sex with someone with whom none of your friends have been emmotionally or sexually intimate??

Or do you live in a really small town?

Kiera

kittenkiller wrote:

Why can't you find your own sexual partner instead of sharing them with your friends?
So a bloke fancies you, so what.
I'm sure you're attractive enough to go out & find some meaningless sex with someone with whom none of your friends have been emmotionally or sexually intimate???

Well said!!

Find your own man and stop being everybodys seconds.

AngryBadger

Kiera wrote:

Well said!!

Find your own man and stop being everybodys seconds.

......untimately isn't everybody shagging someone's seconds? thirds? fourths? whatever?

I say knock his socks off. Wanton carnality, it's what seperates us from the animals

Kiera

AngryBadger wrote:

......untimately isn't everybody shagging someone's seconds? thirds? fourths? whatever?

I say knock his socks off. Wanton carnality, it's what seperates us from the animals

Yes but he’s her friends ex at the end of the day and there are rules!

Its up to her, no one on here is going to stop her if its what she really wants to do.

You have mentioned that you’ve done this before, I just don’t get why you cant get your own man??

AngryBadger

Kiera wrote:

Yes but he’s her friends ex at the end of the day and there are rules!

Its up to her, no one on here is going to stop her if its what she really wants to do.

You have mentioned that you’ve done this before, I just don’t get why you cant get your own man??

Not to invite the wrath of K, but isn't it possible she just wants a casual no-strings thing, and she knows this guy, and really there's nothing between him and her friend, and honestly I keep aksing, but no-one will tel me who makes up these rules?

Just a little conjecture on my part, i do so love to indulge

metrovelvet

Dont you believe in the principal of recycling?

Hey, friends share.

BaZmO*

honeybabe wrote:

and i know it seem like im a c**t for getting involved in two of ex's best mates but what am i supposed to say it was stupid to do but it was only harmless fun and its not like i did it and told the ex as a revenge thing

If you don't mind being described as "Sloppy Seconds" then you Go Girl!

Kiera

AngryBadger wrote:

Not to invite the wrath of K, but isn't it possible she just wants a casual no-strings thing, and she knows this guy, and really there's nothing between him and her friend, and honestly I keep aksing, but no-one will tel me who makes up these rules?

Just a little conjecture on my part, i do so love to indulge

That’s fair enough Badger. I’m just saying how it is from a girls point of view. I think Baz nailed it!!!

AngryBadger

Kiera wrote:

That’s fair enough Badger. I’m just saying how it is from a girls point of view. I think Baz nailed it!!!

Abso Kiera.

Kiera

AngryBadger wrote:

Abso Kiera.

Yeah well maybe Baz is a girl

please be a girl please be a girl

BaZmO*

Kiera wrote:

Yeah well maybe Baz is a girl

please be a girl please be a girl

Nope! I'm a male of the species.

AngryBadger

BaZmO* wrote:

Nope! I'm a male of the species.

You filthy Judas! I challenge you to pistol whipping at dawn

Kiera

BaZmO* wrote:

Nope! I'm a male of the species.

Well you have lovely morals so i'll look at you as a girl from now on

BaZmO*

Kiera wrote:

Well you have lovely morals so i'll look at you as a girl from now on

Eh, thank you. I'll take that as a compliment so......

AngryBadger

BaZmO* wrote:

Eh, thank you. I'll take that as a compliment so......

I dunno man, I think you may just have been unknowningly served :rolleyes:

Gordon

Back on topic please guys.

paulmartin

metrovelvet wrote:

If you read TCs first post it only counts as taking advantage when the woman is not hot. So we can conclude that TC has slept with a fair amount of mediocre women.

Agreed but if you read the original post she said the guy does fancy her. Therefore he thinks she is hot. Therefore not taking advantage. It's not as if he's gonna regret it later like "oh, i would never have had sex with you if i knew you didn't want a full relationship". He might be disappointed but that's why I said in the original post to make it clear her intentions from the start. Either way, he would never see it as taking advantage.

The Corinthian

paulmartin wrote:

Why have you been taken advantage of by a girl you fancied? Explain

What’s that got to do with what you said? Let me remind you, you said:

“No guy would consider a woman having sex with him as taking advantage no matter what the circumstances.”

To which you certainly did not exclude any that you might not find attractive, ‘hot’ or otherwise. If they were, all well and good, but pretty unnecessary in your book. Hence my response, which, in case you missed it, is that your point was idiotic.

metrovelvet wrote:

If you read TCs first post it only counts as taking advantage when the woman is not hot. So we can conclude that TC has slept with a fair amount of mediocre women.

Yes, I do live in Ireland.

metrovelvet

Good thing you speak Italian then. Summer is just around the corner. lol.

Ciao.

Talliesin

Kiera wrote:

Yes but he’s her friends ex at the end of the day and there are rules!

It's not illegal, so unless she's some sort of ungoing agreement with he friend and/or ex, then no there are no such rules.

Kiera wrote:

You have mentioned that you’ve done this before, I just don’t get why you cant get your own man??

He's not with anyone at the moment, so he's fair game (excuse the hunting metaphor).

Kiera

Talliesin wrote:

It's not illegal, so unless she's some sort of ungoing agreement with he friend and/or ex, then no there are no such rules.

He's not with anyone at the moment, so he's fair game (excuse the hunting metaphor).

What planet are you from? Do you not have any morals? Do you not have any respect for your friends?

Imo, its disgusting to even think of being with your mates ex no matter what she did to him. She has done this before and hasn’t been caught so thinks its ok to do it again.

Well I hope she does it and her friend finds out and blanks her. Serves her right for breaking the “rules”!!

Would you feel the same Talliesin if your friend was with an ex of yours?

drdre

just bed him:D

melekalikimaka

The Corinthian wrote:

Not if you’re hot.

LOL

AngryBadger

Kiera wrote:

What planet are you from? Do you not have any morals? Do you not have any respect for your friends?

Imo, its disgusting to even think of being with your mates ex no matter what she did to him. She has done this before and hasn’t been caught so thinks its ok to do it again.

Well I hope she does it and her friend finds out and blanks her. Serves her right for breaking the “rules”!!

Would you feel the same Talliesin if your friend was with an ex of yours?

jeezus. In fairness, assuming it's all involving consenting adults what's the frigging issue? These "rules" are a farce. You can't go around laying claim to people just because you were with them, they aren't things. once that's out of the way it's just a question of casual sex: yay or nay? At which point each to their own.

....jeezus

Kiera

AngryBadger wrote:

jeezus. In fairness, assuming it's all involving consenting adults what's the frigging issue? These "rules" are a farce. You can't go around laying claim to people just because you were with them, they aren't things. once that's out of the way it's just a question of casual sex: yay or nay? At which point each to their own.

....jeezus

I see its only men who are agreeing with you here.

She asked for advice and I gave my opinion on the matter.

I’m totally shocked that you would think it’s ok for a mate of yours to be with someone you went out with. Do you not think you’d feel kinda shíttty about this knowing that you and her had shared a few months together?

AngryBadger

Kiera wrote:

I see its only men who are agreeing with you here.

She asked for advice and I gave my opinion on the matter.

I’m totally shocked that you would think it’s ok for a mate of yours to be with someone you went out with. Do you not think you’d feel kinda shíttty about this knowing that you and her had shared a few months together?

If it was an ex girlfriend that I had strong feelings for or cared about, it might be an issue. Even saying there's only one girl I was ever with that I would harbour those feelings for, the rest can go hang <-kidding

And in this case from what the OP has posted about her friend, and her friends' ex that doesn't seem to apply.

Maybe it's only the men who agree because they're not bound by these magical "rules", and that much happier for it

BaZmO*

AngryBadger wrote:

If it was an ex girlfriend that I had strong feelings for or cared about, it might be an issue. Even saying there's only one girl I was ever with that I would harbour those feelings for, the rest can go hang <-kidding

And in this case from what the OP has posted about her friend, and her friends' ex that doesn't seem to apply.

Maybe it's only the men who agree because they're not bound by these magical "rules", and that much happier for it

Listen, I don't think anybody is saying that she can't do want she wants to do, it's her life after all. And it's not exactly a matter of life or death.

But the thing is here, is that it's a matter of respect, respect for her friend and respect for herself. He she wants to sleep with her friends' ex, by all means do, just don't expect sympathy from anybody it the proverbial hits the fan. And likewise, if she wants to sleep with her ex's best friends, again, by all means do, just don't starting moaning if she ends up getting herself a reputation. If she can deal with all that well then that's all tha matters.

AngryBadger

BaZmO* wrote:

But the thing is here, is that it's a matter of respect, respect for her friend and respect for herself. He she wants to sleep with her friends' ex, by all means do, just don't expect sympathy from anybody it the proverbial hits the fan.

I accept all of that. I just don't think it applies here, he friend was with this guy for 3 months, and cheated on him a bunch of times in that time. So if she were to get thick about the OP getting with him I'd say she was a muppet. If they had been in a long-term relationship my opinion would be different, but in this case I fail to see the dilemma.

And I also fail to see the benefit of anyone going on a rant about how "this kind of thing is amoral, have you no respect"