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Mohammed LOL

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today.
    I only asked for a bomber jacket.
    Touchy bastads!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    I have just downloaded the Koran, do you want me to burn you a copy?


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    condra wrote: »
    Disappointed in the direction this thread has taken.

    unsubscribed.

    Onlt took you 13 pages before you worked that out, hahahahahahah

    In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as ....”English Weather”.

    Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather.'

    In other words - 'partly 'Sunni, but mostly 'Shi'ite


  • Registered Users Posts: 543 ✭✭✭ Godsentme


    old_aussie wrote: »
    I have just downloaded the Koran, do you want me to burn you a copy?


    And you even give your address? :eek:


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    Godsentme wrote: »
    And you even give your address? :eek:

    And the problem being?

    I have protection, I eat a rasher a day.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,632 ✭✭✭ ART6


    Quote from Arab News, May 2010:

    "One thing that stands out when we study the character of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is his natural ability to handle explosive situations."

    I rests me case yer honour:p


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 84,774 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight




  • Registered Users Posts: 721 ✭✭✭ mk6705


    I was gonna eat a halal chicken, but I might get fat wha?


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭ condra


    old_aussie wrote: »
    Onlt took you 13 pages before you worked that out, hahahahahahah

    Yeah, actually, I must have been having my period that day. I actually couldn't care less if people want to slag off Islam. I just personally appreciate the hard hitting fact-based jokes that expose the bull**** of Islam, rather than the racist "durka durka" stuff.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    A large earthquake with a strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit the Muslim world.
    Two million Muslims have died and over a million are injured.
    The countries are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
    The rest of the world is in shock.

    The United States is sending troops to help.

    Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

    The Latin American countries are sending supplies.

    The rest of the European community is sending money.

    The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.

    Britain is sending medical teams and supplies.

    New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

    The Aussies, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Muslims.
    God Bless Aussie Generosity!!!


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 84,774 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    diy2.jpg


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 643 ✭✭✭ swordofislam


    :mad::mad::mad:

    My grandad was Adolf Hitler, no wonder he lost the war....

    My grand dad died at Auschwitz.

    He fell out of the guard tower!

    I'm Joking!
    He only broke his arm.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 643 ✭✭✭ swordofislam


    What did the Islamic fundamentalist do with the bad singer?

    Muzzle 'Im


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie



    Christians & Jewish martyrs say; "I will die for what I believe".

    A Muslim martyr says; "you will die for what I believe"....


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    There is an Arab in a taxi……….

    He asks the driver to turn off the radio and explains that he must not hear music

    as decreed by his religion for in the time ofthe prophet, there was no music ... no radio…….

    So the Paddy turns off the radio, stops the car, leans over and opens the back door.

    The Arab asks him : "What are you doing?"

    The driver replied : "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out of my car and wait for the next camel ."


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 11 LambChop...


    The prophet Mohammed (peace be Upon him ) once asked What is the difference between Aussies and pigs ?
    Upon hearing no reply he said ........
    Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink.
    :P


  • Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 250 ✭✭ DuPLeX


    Q
    What should a good Jihadi do do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you ?
    A
    Pull the pin and throw it back.:cool:


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,632 ✭✭✭ ART6


    I saw her standing there and I told her she had three beautiful children. She didn't have to get all pissed off and threaten me. It was an honest mistake.


    MailAttachment.jpg


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators Posts: 81,234 Mod ✭✭✭✭ biko


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭ Doc


    DuPLeX wrote: »
    Q
    What should a good Jihadi do do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you ?
    A
    Pull the pin and throw it back.:cool:

    Shouldn't he just pull the pin and run back at him?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
    I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators Posts: 81,234 Mod ✭✭✭✭ biko


    A muslim dies and goes up to Heaven where he sees St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and says, “Are you Mohammed?”

    St. Peter says. “No, he’s further up.”

    He walks up further and sees Jesus. “Are you Mohammed?”

    Jesus says, “No, he’s further up…”

    Walks on further and sees God with a big beard. “You must be Mohammed!”

    “No,” says God, “I’m God, take a seat. Would you like tea?”

    The terrorist sits down and says, “Yes, please, I’d love some tea.”

    God calls out loudly “Mohammed! Two teas now and make it quick!”


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators Posts: 81,234 Mod ✭✭✭✭ biko


    1374692243613.jpg


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭ old_aussie


    A kiwi Muslim was caught having sex with a sheep today.

    He said it was islamb and he could do what he wanted with. it


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭ RiderOnTheStorm


    best taliban joke I have heard .....

    -Knock Knock
    -whose there?
    -Navy SEALs!
    -Navy SEALs who?


    only joking! Navy SEALs dont knock!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,341 ✭✭✭ Worztron


    Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?

    Mohammed responded 'Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old'.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators Posts: 81,234 Mod ✭✭✭✭ biko


    17201294_10154563543128981_5882168051651303514_n.jpg


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators Posts: 81,234 Mod ✭✭✭✭ biko




  • Registered Users Posts: 2,632 ✭✭✭ ART6


    STORY OF 2 BEGGARS

    This is how you can get rich….

    Hasam and Habib are street beggars. They beg in different areas of London.

    Habib begs just as long as Hasam but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

    Hasam brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

    Habib says to Hasam 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

    Hasam says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

    Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

    Hasam says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3.'

    Habib says, 'So what does your sign say'?

    Hasam shows Habib his sign.

    It reads,

    'I only need another £10 to move back to Syria.'


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  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators Posts: 81,234 Mod ✭✭✭✭ biko


    abY3Qeb_460swp.webp


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