What i've learnt this month

amazingemmet

This month with the influx of new gym members has been a bounty of knowledge for me don't know about you but i've learnt loads

All standing movements ie curls, military press etc all need to start with a good crotch thrust you really want to thrust that crotch the harder the better. Some of the more advanced lifters can apply this technique to bench and incline bench.

Fat? Overweight? Want to lose it? There's a new simple way being pioneered in my gym its simple, no need for cardio or weights just sit your ass in the sauna and jacuzzi for a couple of hours a night, so effective its ok to eat choclate in said areas. You'll see the pounds melt off.

Want big legs? A new easy way to build them up load up the smith machine with weight that would be describe as injury inducing then do quarter squats, you'll have big guns in no time.
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So what have you learnt this month?

smackers

If it's peak time and the pool is totally full, obviously the only solution is to make a running jump for it, land as close as possible to someone's unsuspecting head, and then splash around enough to make sure no-one can swim anywhere near you. Then stop (in the centre of the pool again) for a 20 minute rest, while talking to your buddy.

Dragan

I've learnt that the best way to keep newbies off my bench is to leave big weights they don't like the look of near it.

Makes em think they might need to work or something.

g'em

ooh ooh ooh- I've loads of these..

spending lots of money on posh gym gear DOES make you thinner. The fat is like, totally, like, absorbed into the material in the tops, seriously. OMG its just so great.

1 and 2 kilo weights are just the best for making your arms look super fab- totally Jen Aniston pre-Brad. Just lift them over your head five or six times but make sure you don't do it too much- nothing worse then.. eugh.. sweating into your new hilfiger tank top.

Make-up is an absolute must for working out. Who knows who you'll run into and of course everyone will be watching you.

And for the boys- swing your arms as much as possible when ever you're using DBs. Don't worry, we have two feet, we can survive on of them being crushed under the DB you couldn't lift and then lost control of.

Bluetonic

You'll get more out of a cardio machine by simply ignoring the onboard computer which sets it up for your workout. Simply jump up on the machine and row, cycle, move your body etc..,

Standing around machines in groups or 2/3+ helps the weight fall off.

If you arrive in twos into the gym you musy also do everything in two otherwise you will unbalance the gym equilibrium..... must wait for two bikes to be free together, must wait for two rowing machines to be free together, etc..,

You must never under any circumstance ask someone how a machine works, your sure to get it after 20 minutes and sure thats excercise itself.

hardtrainer

I've also noticed some of this new thrusting technique, but it must work when deadlifting too since all the newbies have been applying it for that exercise.

For abs exercises it's very important to take very long rest periods, sleeping in some cases. I presume this helps recovery or something but I'm not sure, I was afraid to wake one guy to ask him. The other thing that I've noticed is that 2 sets of 3 or 4 crunches is the way forward (the 10 min rest between the sets must be crucial too since all the new guys are doing that).

While benching, arching your back as much as possible while having your mate spot you with immposibly heavy weights is the way forward for the chest. Oh and the spotter has to be quick, don't even allow the person benching to try lift the weight by himself, just yank it back up and help lower it every time....2 or 3 reps is sufficient.

I think these methods work really fast because many of the guys who were doing it a couple of weeks ago have already achieved their goals and don't even need to come to the gym anymore.

Dragan

Oh yeah ,and my favourite, if your gym has a punch bag and you saw Rocky the other night and really think it's not that hard .......



DON'T USE IT

You look like a spa. :eek:

loz

Drive to the gym and then walk for 5 minutes on the treadmill - seems to work for some !

Or change you mind after a minute and then cycle for two while messing with the controls - then give up and do a few crunches - then change and drive home !

Feel free to TAKE a key out of one of the machines as a personal traing aid ! we dont need them as everyone carries one !

feel free to leave free weights absolutly fecking everywhere !!!!

One theing i have found - practicing reverse turning kicks on the matts ensures plenty of space around you - where ever you are ( the gils seem to love it also ! )

BaZmO*

If you're gonna do free weights make sure that you gather as many different weights as your bulk will allow you and place them around your bench. Be sure to take as long as is necessary to complete your workout, and most importantly, it is essential that you do all this at peak times.

All of the above are essential if you want to acheive that Vin Diesel body that you've always wanted.

I've also found that driving to the gym in a ponsy jeep and parking in a Disabled parking space which is 2 feet away from the door is a sure fired way to feel the burn.

zAbbo

Stand around impatiently near any weights machine, as soon as whoever is using it has finished, hop in and straight away start pumping at whatever weight it was set on until the previous user is out of sight, then half the weight and do the same. Also when finished increase the weight to something manly, anything above 160lbs is fine.

The correct apparell is also key, this means matching top and pants(and jacket!), along with various wristbands and any over priced Nike's are fine, sweat towel has to be around neck at all times.

Also there is no need to wipe down any machines after you've used them(mainly because you didn't sweat) and Low Rep / Long Rest seems to be benefiting most newcomers

Linoge

hardtrainer wrote:

I think these methods work really fast because many of the guys who were doing it a couple of weeks ago have already achieved their goals and don't even need to come to the gym anymore.

lol!

I've found out that wearing a wooly hat and a heavy sweater while in the gym keeps you warmer so you don't have to excercise as much.

That morbidly obese people really like the ab curl.

Wearing hand grips using weight machines make you look very proffessional.

After using a machine always set the weight to a much higher setting so that the person who uses it next thinks "Jesus, strong bastard!!"

Bringing your mobile in and using it between sets while others are waiting to use the machine is a must for anyone who is serious about getting fit.

Edit:

zabbo wrote:

Also when finished increase the weight to something manly, anything above 160lbs is fine.

Ah, you just pipped me! I took ages to post....

Mr E

10 minutes slow flat walk on the treadmill, followed by 10 minutes of crunches (using an ab-roller), followed by 40 minutes in steamroom/jacuzzi is all you need for the perfect body.....

incisor71

Walking around aimlessly for 10 minutes after doing just one set of light dumbbell raises is a fantastic way to both tone up and show off your new spiffy gym attire. The brighter, shinier and more gaudy the colour, the better your chances are of creating the whole new body you long for.

Never forget that chatting for 5 minutes with your boy/girlfriend or gym buddy, while maintaining a hammer-lock grip on the handles of some random machine, works wonders for the shoulders.

Flirting and public displays of affection with your lover at the only available rowing machine will encourage rapid and health-enhancing weight loss (actually, the weight loss is more likely to be experienced by those who happen to be watching and start puking at the sight).

When you're finished using the squat rack, make absolutely sure to leave the weight plates on the bar and on the stands in a reverse Towers Of Hanoi arrangement, so that the lightest weight is behind at least two 20kg plates. Even better, mix them up in random sequence, so that everyone knows just how many plates you used (or moved around).

Always, always grunt when lifting weights - if you haven't hurt your own eardrums or caused a layer of wall plaster to crack by the time you're finished, you really haven't worked hard enough.

In the dressing room, make full use of the hand driers for all other body parts too, especially including drying the pubes, the insides of your boots and between the toes.

Also in the dressing room, don't hesistate to boast loudly about how good you are for going once this week and once last week, and how you'll be settling into a few pints of the black stuff for the third time this week.

Don't just use two machines for supersets - go for three or four, set them up one at a time and use one of your many towels on each one as a "Reserved" sign. And be sure to do supersets during peak times.

smackers

If your gym has tvs, make sure to time your workout to coincide with neighbours/home and away and be sure not to bounce around while watching - for fear of getting a headache.

When the program of choice finishes, the workout does too. Naturally.

joejoem

I love this thread!!!!


Get to the gym and walk on a treadmill at slow pace while holding onto the rails. It is important that you dont go above speed 2, incline 0 and that you hold onto the rails.



If your using dumbells, gather as many as you can around your feet so no one else can use them.


If someone is using weights like a bench press and you need to get by, dont wait for them to finish it 30 seconds. Just walk by, let your **** catch on the bar, he's/she's (Gem) safe, its only weights. you NEED to get by now!


If you want to use a machine beside someone, just push in there way. Politeness stays at the door when your in a gym.


In the changing room, spread your stuff over as many seats as you can. Its your right. The next guy can wait his turn or change in a puddle.

amazingemmet

When doing Db bench press with out a spotter its acceptable after you've done your overloaded 2-3 reps to throw your weights anjywhere you can, bonus points if you hit the person on the next bench.

Sherlock

I've just remembered why exactly I set up a home gym!:)

Degsy

Hang around in groups of four taking it in turns to raise a set of 5lb dumbells three times whilst littering the area with empty lucozade bottles and talking in extremely loud voices about which muscle said excercise stimulates.Also walk around in groups,brick red in the face and finally come to rest mere inches from the protruding bodyparts of some body trying to use a machine in peace.

incisor71

This thread should be juxtaposed with the "50 things you'd never know if it weren't for the cinema" type of thread - amusingly, it really is representative of the melting pot of truths and spectacles in a real gym.

Just brilliant!!

tk123

joejoem wrote:

In the changing room, spread your stuff over as many seats as you can. Its your right. The next guy can wait his turn or change in a puddle.

LOL! I thought the makeup one was my fav but thats the best one!

I've probably regressed to newbie since it's been a few months since I was in the gym - i wanted to let the crowds die down before starting back!

My tip would be for the westwood clontarf girlies who frown at me when i'm sweaty:

A treadmill is the perfect machine to balance your copy of OK magazine, take it at any easy stolling pace so you don't move around to much to be able to read it. How do you know when you've done enough?! Easy - you're done when you've either finished the mag or have one bead of sweat on your forhead under the pink cap or at least 2 groups of people have come out of that funny room with the weird bikes only 1 wheel - whichever comes first.

For the boys - yes you ARE right - leaving the collar up on your football shirt WILL give you a six pack!

Prior Of Taize

TmB wrote:

10 minutes slow flat walk on the treadmill, followed by 10 minutes of crunches (using an ab-roller), followed by 40 minutes in steamroom/jacuzzi is all you need for the perfect body.....

Oh ffs come on man...how many people have that amount of time??...surely your advice is purely for the people edging towards competitive standard physique??

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BaZmO* wrote:

If you're gonna do free weights make sure that you gather as many different weights as your bulk will allow you and place them around your bench. Be sure to take as long as is necessary to complete your workout, and most importantly, it is essential that you do all this at peak times.

And if there is not a giant mirror handy pick one up in Argos and bring it with you.
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Degsy wrote:

Also walk around in groups,brick red in the face

lol. I fell off my chair laughing at this.

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There was one guy going to my gym who used to wear this brown baseball cap every time he was down there without fail for over a year. I used to see him during the day when i was walking home from work and he would be wearing the exact same cap. I often wondered was it just a very pronounced birth mark or something...


Dermot.