The complicate world of wishing people were gay

Freaky Angelo

I hate the fact that the world isn't just bisexual, that'd be great wouldn't it?

Think about it, discrimination would go down just so much and there'd be some small amount of population control :rolleyes:

Nah I'm just kidding, this thread is all about how we can wish for someone to like us back...but never get them

I am so used to it by now but I need to vent

I'll start off: guy in my swimming class, nice, hot...straight. 2 outta 3 ain't half bad but it's the vital 33.333333333333...% that's missing. And at the same time there's another guy who's just as well built and very funny but good lord is he afraid of gay people.

In case anyone has bias against me from the LifeSaving Stuff thread: I DON'T TRY TO WATCH THEM UNDRESSING!!!

Like being in the locker rooms with them isn't frustrating enough, the last thing I need to do is to spring a boner!!! :eek:

So anyone else wanna share their advice or experiences?

Stark

In case anyone has bias against me from the LifeSaving Stuff thread: I DON'T TRY TO WATCH THEM UNDRESSING!!!

"He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you undress. He knows if you are straight or gay but be gay for goodness sake!"

Just kidding

Anyway, what can I say but yes, yes,oh god yes. Unrequited love, it's affected us all. And yes it sucks big time.

It can happen to straight.Feed him rhypnol!Then have your fun.:rolleyes:

segadreamcast

Freaky Angelo wrote:

Think about it, discrimination would go down just so much and there'd be some small amount of population control :rolleyes:

Western world doesn't need population control :P didn't ya hear? Europe has a population crisis at the moment..

Freaky Angelo

NoelRock wrote:

Western world doesn't need population control :P didn't ya hear? Europe has a population crisis at the moment..

The only crisis we should worry about is the fact that there's over crowding where we don't need it! Besides this is getting off point

as for the rohypnol...eh...not my style

Actually my point is that if you crush on a friend of the same sex it gets really horrible when they find out especially if they don't know you're gay!!!!!!!

Which is bad, very bad!!!!! Coz I like the guys a lot (if dreams came true choosing between them would be hard...but if wet dreams came true I wouldn't have to! :P)

Anyway...ahem...

azezil

I can think of two guys I used to work with I was really attracted too, one looked and sounded like Josh Hartnett... my legs turned to jelly any time I was near him, but alas straight.

Another guy I thought was really cute, and I assumed straight I found out after I left is actually gay, d'oh >_< *sigh* had I known... I'd more than likely not have acted on it anyway cause I'm too shy :P

Stark

azezil wrote:

Another guy I thought was really cute, and I assumed straight I found out after I left is actually gay, d'oh >_< *sigh* had I known...

That's happened to me on more than one occasion. Always a kicker...

LegacyUser

i know the feelin i know it all too well

Freaky Angelo

What really kicks me is the fact that I tease them about homosexuality (which is very fun because they squirm adorably) the only problem is it's very hard to guage if people are straight or just straight acting these days

Geez...I'm having flashes of their muscles now...oh boy...I need a lie down

opus

Yup know the feeling, just recently started avoiding someone I really like just cause it's become too annoying for me (& imagine it make him somewhat uncomtortable as well)

Boston

Freaky Angelo wrote:

What really kicks me is the fact that I tease them about homosexuality (which is very fun because they squirm adorably) the only problem is it's very hard to guage if people are straight or just straight acting these days

Thats a fairly immature thing to be doing. Especially if you're looking for people to be accepting about your sexuality.

Hmm_Messiah

Personally wouldn't see it as any more immature as much of the teasing that goes on about who some one likes, might like, might of been with etc.

It's what people do at that age (late teens)

energy69

Only going through this at the moment. I know you'll all probably just say, I do it to myself. You're right. Just got back from a weekend in Cork. Actually a night. Over the past year have slowly but quite ****ing stupidly fallin in love with a mate. And guess what? Not the first time. Do you think I could learn. No. Stupid brain dead Sam, like trying to crucify himself on a regular basis.

Thing is thus guy is well aware of my sexuality. I'm certain that he's being flirting constantly for the past couple of months. My head and heart are totally wrecked over the whole thing. He's not 100% straight. Admitted this himself Saturday night. Says the whole, you 're like a brother ****. Just acts so much like the lads lad. Know it would be a really diffficult thing for him to accept. He's to impressionable. It's important that people like him. I'm aware that I have a habit of giving people a lot of attention and love and I think most guys like this whether they are gay or straight. Ends up with them flirting (probably unconciously) and I slowly but surely start seeing all of there faults becoming faultless. Neh, There yeah go. A bisexual world would be a lot saner place. You'd know for sure that if someone didn't want to be with you it was just because you aren't there type and not necessarily because they're scared ****less of taking a chance. So many of those chances would be such ****ing great experiences You all know what I mean there.

What really confused me one night. Fair enough drug induced. He had his head on my lap and asked "What's going on romantically between us?" What does that say to you?

Boston

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

Personally wouldn't see it as any more immature as much of the teasing that goes on about who some one likes, might like, might of been with etc.

It's what people do at that age (late teens)

Just saying, that if you turn other peoples sexuality in a joke, don't be surprised if they turn yours into one too.

Hmm_Messiah

Just saying, that if you turn other peoples sexuality in a joke, don't be surprised if they turn yours into one too.

Being gay/bi can be a great source of jokes. I've no problem there, just as a straight guy might be the butt (pun intended) of some in a circle of gay mates .

Jesus, people take this sexuality thing way too seriously. I sometimes wonder do people need to invent a difficulty just to ensure their cause has enough to keep itself vocal/valid
(I don't mean you personally)

Shabadu

energy69 wrote:

What really confused me one night. Fair enough drug induced. He had his head on my lap and asked "What's going on romantically between us?" What does that say to you?

Maybe he's curious and would like a little convincing? Thing is- straight guys do this to women they don't fancy too, just for attention and a bit of an ego boost. Is it worth risking your friendship to pursue him?

damien

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

Jesus, people take this sexuality thing way too seriously.

Yeah, in fairness, you'd think all those people beating up and attacking gays every week in Dublin would lighten up more.

Hmm_Messiah

No surprises with you taking things something out of context.

"Beating up and attacking gays every week in Dublin "? Seems an exaggerration but that couldn't be from you who criticises people if they word things badly.

Eitherways I'd not see that as an issue of sexuality, but one of prejudice where what they pronounce to be predjudiced against is secondary.

I didn't say violence was taken way to seriously.

In the context of a guy joking and teasing his mates, and some one suggesting some "risk" in that I simply wondered about how overly sensitive some people are to being "gay". People joke about gayness, campness, baldness, the soccer team ya support, red hair, music tastes etc etc etc

And I'd broadly agree with your statement anyway, those people would benefit from "lightening up" in the context of violence/ASB its causes, remedies etc.

I sometimes wonder do people need to invent a difficulty just to ensure their cause has enough to keep itself vocal/valid

Zillah

damien.m wrote:

Yeah, in fairness, you'd think all those people beating up and attacking gays every week in Dublin would lighten up more.

...?

Yes. Thats exactly what hes saying. They should care a lot less about sexuality, its not that big a deal.

Boston

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

Being gay/bi can be a great source of jokes. I've no problem there, just as a straight guy might be the butt (pun intended) of some in a circle of gay mates .

Jesus, people take this sexuality thing way too seriously. I sometimes wonder do people need to invent a difficulty just to ensure their cause has enough to keep itself vocal/valid
(I don't mean you personally)

I take the piss out of sexuality all the time, Bi/Gay/straight/fetish freak...ect but I restate my point if you turn other peoples sexuality into a joke, don't be surprised if they turn yours into one too. People tend to take the piss and not be able to handle when the situation is reversed. But thats the general case.

More to the point, I think it's fairly hypocritical,counter productive and beyond a joke when you start making people feel uncomfortable about their sexuality, "Make them squerm". I knew afew gay guys that did this as a ments of "testing" who might be up for it. It was very transparent and pretty painfull to watch.

So to restate again having a laugh does not equate to making people feel awkward.

energy69. Sounds like the guy is fairly confused. In a situation like that you're more then likely going to get hurt.

Hmm_Messiah

So to restate again having a laugh does not equate to making people feel awkward.

I get your point , always did, however
to restate, the guy is young messing about with his friends. Making people feel awkward/ or being made feel awkward is all part of the social interaction at that age and not something I'd get too stressed about.

I know the possible effects etc etc I just also see a point where people have to stop being over-sensitive

Stark

I think it's really cool that you're no longer oversensitive and things now roll off your back like the emotionally developed teenager that you are. Oh wait, you're not a teenager anymore, that might have had something to do with it.

Coming to terms with being gay is a difficult thing for a teenage boy to do and any sort of teasing at all is going to be difficult to deal with. You tend to see jibing as a sign that homosexuality is considered abnormal and something to be made fun of, rather than just friendling joshing. In time you stop being so oversensitive but that's what growing up is all about, you can't expect everyone to just turn 13 and suddenly be at the stage you're at.

Hmm_Messiah

Stark wrote:

I think it's really cool that you're no longer oversensitive and things now roll off your back like the emotionally developed teenager that you are. Oh wait, you're not a teenager anymore, that might have had something to do with it.

Coming to terms with being gay is a difficult thing for a teenage boy to do and any sort of teasing at all is going to be difficult to deal with. You tend to see jibing as a sign that homosexuality is considered abnormal and something to be made fun of, rather than just friendling joshing. In time you stop being so oversensitive but that's what growing up is all about, you can't expect everyone to just turn 13 and suddenly be at the stage you're at.

Was that directed at me ? I've no real idea of what 13yr olds experience other than what I went thro myslef which was in some ways a different time ? Well other than being a Scout Leader / First Aid instructor and working with kids from maybe age 10 to the late teens.

Thing is though I wasn't talking about 13 yr olds. Did you read the thread before you decided you needed to inform me of the plight of teens struggling with sexuality? I was talking about Freaky_Angelo, who is 18, and the joking/teasing he does with straight mates.

What I said in that context still stands.

What you are talking about, I already acknowledged:

I know the possible effects etc etc I just also see a point where people have to stop being over-sensitive

but maybe you thought you had some insight I lacked. I wasn't talking about the"oversensitivity" of teenagers but of certain adults who over-emphasise a need for delicacy.

Freaky_angelo made a comment, which Liouville commented on, I then commented on Liouville's post (is that how this thread works?)

I thought all 3 comments were reasonable. People don't have to agree. Neither do they have to disagree; I don't disagree with Liouville in what can happen, I just see things differently.

Stark

Okay, I'm sorry for saying you weren't oversensitive

lifesucks

Ok it was a bit of an over reaction there! I totaly understand what he was saying about teasing them about homosexuality, i do it to my friends every day just like the tease me about being gay all the time!! Its all just a bit of light-hearted fun. Its what people do at this age, take the piss out of everything. Were not making a joke of people sexuality but rather having a joke about their sexuality.

UU

Oh I cover my sexuality up in school as I'm afraid but it really annoys me when my classmates make fun of homosexuals they know and don't know. Actually they are obsessed about homosexuality. For example, there is a fella in my class who is straight and decided to make out in a bathtub with two other fellas as he was curious what homosexuality was like! What was really weird was that nobody seemed bothered at all about it!

My uncle who gay said to me one night that he wishes there was no such word of straight, gay or bi. Just "Are you into girls or boys?" That was one of the most interesting things he's ever said. Anyway, I'm still a teen, 18 to be exact and have only come out to my close friends and some of my family in the past year so I needn't worry!

Freaky Angelo

LiouVille wrote:

Thats a fairly immature thing to be doing. Especially if you're looking for people to be accepting about your sexuality.

Liouville...again...you really are very critical of me...oh but I don't give a damn. It's my way of dealing, I know their reactions so I know I can't tell them. Get the picture?

Freaky Angelo

The reason I make fun of sexuality is because it is taken too seriously. Some examples are:

The Basher who's been going around Dublin praying on gay guys and then robbing them is supposedly more frequent then the news reports say because people are still in the closer. He clearly prays on gay men because he has dehumanized them and is venting an insecurity, frustration or hatred on them. There are more victims then the handful that have come forwards because they don't want to be exposed - and I think that this troll already knew that.

Another example: in my old school you could be anything you wanted so long as you wanted the same as everyone else. What's the biggest insult amongst males today? "Yer Gay" and "****" it's all ay-okay to say because...why? I don't see how those words are wrong...**** actually means a bundle of sticks...says so in a dictionary I have. It just got changed...warped because it suited gay people I guess. Who knows?

When I started to fancy guys I was pretty much sure I was bi (though I'm getting gayer by the day). But it was shredding my insides because I heard how people thought gays were. The pope ****ed my head up with promises of hell and yet his church was covering up molestation cases, I thank Gatsby that I'm atheist or I might not have been able to take it.

I'm insecure, I am severely underconfident and my choice in dates has been - tragic to say the least. It doesn't help that I think love is another word for compromise or making do...I know I can never have the guys I want because they're straight and to them my sexuality is nondescript or insignificant

I wish the world was bisexual because all humans do is find new things to hate. Petty things. Why discriminate about who a person wants to be with?

**** there I go again, ranting...:rolleyes:

energy69 - if you like this guy try and talk to him, don't push the idea of him and you together just find out if he's ever really examined his feelings towards you. Don't rush him, if you like him you'll be willing to figure it out.

Okay that sounds like Dr. Phil Oprah and Ricki Lake rolled into one. I give too much advice and it's probably crap anyway.

BuffyBot

Angst factor 10 Mr. Sulu!

Freaky Angelo

BuffyBot wrote:

Angst factor 10 Mr. Sulu!

Tell me about it - I've been single for three years now and a cynic for abou 10 so angst is first nature to me!

Sorry about that bit of a downer I'm just under LC stress and chronic loneliness

Boston

Freaky Angelo wrote:

Liouville...again...you really are very critical of me...oh but I don't give a damn. It's my way of dealing, I know their reactions so I know I can't tell them. Get the picture?

It's not my aim to be over critical, or hassle you. I do get the picture, test the waters so to speak. Just a warning from someone whose been down the road your on, the picture can be very tranparent, and people don't like being tested.

energy69

Firstly, cheers for all the advice. Think I'll keep my distance for the moment from the guy. Need to get my head in order.

Ended up having a fantastic philosophical conversaton last night with a mate and a number of things came up that make a lot of sense towards this. Human are continually on a day to day basis are challenged by fear. I believe this is one of the main reasons why we are here. Well definitely one of the main reasons why I'm here. People don't like change and are scared of something they don't understand.

I had my first sexual experience with a guy when I was 21. I had continually questioned my sexuality although never really seriously considered being gay. The feelings I had towards the guy were unbelievable and I was totally obsessed and in love. I didn't give a fcuk what anyone else thought, because it felt more right than anything I'd ever experienced. Was not really the same for him. Being gay with him was something that never scared me, although after it ended i suddenly became bi. I was more homophobic than i could believe. I didn't have another sexual experience for 5 years after. That was with a girl. Then that ended very messy after 3 weeks and I was with a guy a few weeks later.

I considered myself bixsexual over the coming years although never had any sexual encounters. Between my first love and today I've had only 3 one night stands. In June of last year aged 31 I decided to come out and call myself gay. Most people that knew me thought it was kind of weird although it was a big thing for me. Calling myself bisexual I felt safe. When I allowed myself to be gay I let go of such an enormous fear. I realised that I had being scared ****less of being gay. The word had such a negative conitation in my mind. Suddenly I had made myself free. I believe everyone is bisexual or has the capacity to be. It's something we don't understand and we fear it. People are just people. I'm scared of women for other reasons and don't understand. I'm more comfortable being with guys. Perhaps over the coming years i can come around to this fear. Will that make me bisexual.

My fears over the years have being caused by many things. How I was slagged in school and called a girl. The bizarre attitudes of my mum. Listening to my friends slag gay people. To what I watch and hear on TV. As Louise Hay says, "What other people think of me is none of my business". What more profound insight can we have for ourselves. When people are scared of something they may laugh or try hard to push that thing away from them by making it alien to them. Prime example in American Beauty where the macho army father is actually gay.

Be true in the very short time we have on this earth. Say things that help others and not hinder. Even in playful jest. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Because there not my words. Mind your own business ;-)

Stark

energy69 wrote:

I considered myself bixsexual over the coming years although never had any sexual encounters. Between my first love and today I've had only 3 one night stands. In June of last year aged 31 I decided to come out and call myself gay. Most people that knew me thought it was kind of weird although it was a big thing for me. Calling myself bisexual I felt safe. When I allowed myself to be gay I let go of such an enormous fear. I realised that I had being scared ****less of being gay. The word had such a negative conitation in my mind. Suddenly I had made myself free. I believe everyone is bisexual or has the capacity to be. It's something they don't understand and they fear it. People are just people. I'm scared of women and don't understand them therefore i'm more comfortable being with guys. Perhaps over the coming years i can come around and feel comfortable with women.

Not necessarily. You've an interesting take on life and I know I've missed out on rewarding opportunities in various fields myself due to fear. But not liking something doesn't mean you're afraid of it. You could become completely comfortable with women and some could become your closest friends but you may never come to develop sexual attraction for them and that has nothing to do with fear.

energy69

You are totally right. I do believe thou that i have issues with women and I fear them. In my case I think that I have unfinished women in business. I have being attracted to women and not done anything about it due to fear.

Hmm_Messiah

energy69 , you've been very revelatory about yourself, in a way not possible to really comment on because people's experiences are unique down to the smallest subtly.

So things you refer to do though strike a resonance with me and if I comment on them I mean in general terms not judging you in anyway.


The experience you had as being "gay" sounds more like aa time when you experienced the pleasure and invigoratio of loving some one. Pronouncing yourself gay doesnt alter that, or cause it. I wonder, from your words, are you "gay", in the way you use the term.

You don't have to label your attractions, or limit yourself to them.

When I first fell inlove with a man , I recognised it 1. because of how overwhelming my joy was , and how altered all my emotions. 2. It matched so closely how it was when I fell inlove with my first girlfriend. the gender was very much less significant.


I understand too what you say abot fear; everyday I regret things I wished to do or try that I felt held back from. but sometimes fear is given a "pop pyschology" meaning which reduces it to just another label, even a crutch. Identifying what prevents us is no use unless we then remove it from our lives.

Not wanting to be gay is often not a "fear" because of preconceptions, but more simply disliking what it might mean, but its hard for people to admit a dislike/prejudice about themselves! You ideas on bisexuality I'd not really go with, but I would suggest dealing with fears as only a step
minus fear=zero, to value yourself you must pile up on positives like : taking chances, committing, sharing, enduring etc

Dunno if that made sense(being immersed in group theory
, & spatial intelligence project @ the moment)

Feel the fear and do it anyways sometimes should be Feel the Fear so do it (cos of)

UU

energy69, I think you're right about bisexuality. I may have said this before but will say it again that I saw a programme once which explored how many animals are actually bisexual. One such example were rams. They procreate with the sheep and when the sheep are tending their offspring , the rams actually have sex with each other! Other examples were bats, swans , cats and dogs. The programme explored humans also. It suggested that 60% of humans are bisexual - some have had at least one homosexual attraction but have been more leaned towards heterosexuality and most didn't act on the homosexual attraction and most people just don't realise it and haven't encountered it. The programme didn't state it was true but just suggested an interesting fact.

About fear? “Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” quoted by Franklin D. Roosevelt . . .

Stark

UU wrote:

About fear? “Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” quoted by Franklin D. Roosevelt . . .

It's a pity he didn't translate it to Latin, it would have sounded even more profound and people would have questioned it even less.

damien

UU wrote:

One such example were rams. They procreate with the sheep and when the sheep are tending their offspring , the rams actually have sex with each other! Other examples were bats, swans , cats and dogs.

So heteros evolved from monkeys and we evolved from sheep? Has this been scientifically proven? Seems quite dubious to me though it would explain the herd mentality and the grins.

UU

damien.m wrote:

So heteros evolved from monkeys and we evolved from sheep? Has this been scientifically proven? Seems quite dubious to me though it would explain the herd mentality and the grins.

Might also explain how so many people follow trends!

Freaky Angelo

UU wrote:

Might also explain how so many people follow trends!

Actually I think THAT was evolved from lemmings given how trends usually lead to jumping off moral/social/personal/actual cliffs!

energy69

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

Dunno if that made sense(being immersed in group theory
, & spatial intelligence project @ the moment)

Bizarre never read what you said properly until now. cheers. you'd made me see it from a view i hadn't seen before. I've only begun to realise that committng and enduring are something i'm scared of. scared of something that happened in the past.

Thank You

Freaky Angelo

I can relate to that same fear I guess but it's not that I don't want to commit it's that I can't bring myself to be that vulnerable ever again. Last time i did it was a bloody fiasco. I can relate energy69 believe me!

Freaky Angelo

Valentines tomorrow...yuck, never had a relationship on valentines and at this rate probably never will

I hate Hallmark

energy69

Happy Valentines gang. First time in my life that I'm seeing a guy through this marked day of love. The last 3 weeks have being a lot of fun. Wishing every1 the very best. May cupid do his worst with wild arrows flying everywhere.

Have a good one.

energy69

Freaky Angelo

energy69 wrote:

Happy Valentines gang. First time in my life that I'm seeing a guy through this marked day of love. The last 3 weeks have being a lot of fun. Wishing every1 the very best. May cupid do his worst with wild arrows flying everywhere.

Have a good one.

energy69

I hate you...;)

UU

. . . I miss Steven . . .

Freaky Angelo

UU wrote:

. . . I miss Steven . . .

We all miss somebody, but:

Loneliness is an obligation
Inescapable
A cloud to wrap us
entrap us
Save fleeting moments others disperse it

Was Steven your boyfriend? Or just someone who you liked and didn't like you back?

UU

Freaky Angelo wrote:

We all miss somebody, but:

Loneliness is an obligation
Inescapable
A cloud to wrap us
entrap us
Save fleeting moments others disperse it

Was Steven your boyfriend? Or just someone who you liked and didn't like you back?

Thanks for them inspiring words. Steven was a fella I I fancied from a show I did last year. He was the nicest fella I ever met in my life. Words just can't describe him. Anyway, he was the first fella I ever had feelings for but I wasn't sure if he was gay or not. I would have been too embarrassed to ask him so I just befriended him for a while. Anyhow, there will be plenty of other boys I'll meet in the future but some people you just can't forget.

Freaky Angelo

Yeah I know the feeling all too well

metrovelvet

How about the world of wishing people were straight? How many hot gay men are there? Tons.

My dance teacher is ripped but id swear he wears a tiara and all those girls in my class are in love with him. And I just think he is so ****ing hot.

Dont forget folks, when you look at Cupid for what he does, you realise he is a terrorist. An arbitrary assassin.

bribri

ok you have soooooooooooo got 2 be kidding me i cant belive i actually fillled in that stupid thing i think i need to get out way more,,,.... i think i need to join the local monastery now and hide away forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont go near that crush007 site it reminds me of a guy i was meeting when i was in like 5th year who drew me in with"do you want ot hear the new sean paul album " next thing i no it im lying on my back moaning for mercy( too much info i no) LOL