Two men - What to do?

AngelAine · 10-01-2006 3:32pm #1

Please help...

I'm going out my boyfriend for almost five years - I love him to pieces and he means the world to me. I never two timed him until recently. It never even came into my head until a few months ago...

Basically, I got to know a guy through work - he doesn't work with me but I seen quite frequently because of work. We speak a lot on the phone and I meet him two or three time a week through work related outings. We always flirt but recently I decided to see if he would go a step further. Our texts started to imply stuff and we ended up kissing. Since then, I meet up with him a few times a week and we kiss - but thats it although going further is probably going to happen in time.

I'm 24 years of age, I love my boyfriend but I'm really enjoying this. The other guy knows about my boyfriend and told me that I shouldn't break up with him cos' it wouldn't be for the right reasons. He says it's just fun and he enjoys my company.

I feel like breaking it off with my boyfriend though cos' I think I like this other guy but I seems I can't win. If I break up, I can't jump into another relationship but on the other hand it's not fair on my boyfriend....

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What should I do?

10-01-2006 3:33pm

Threesome.

g'em · 10-01-2006 3:37pm

This 'other guy' doesn't sound like he wants a relationship, so that's not a reason to break up with your current bf.

What IS a good reason is the fact that you're two-timing him, breaking his trust, and ruining what is otherwise a happy couple. how can you claim to love him and yet be seeking your thrills elsewhere?

Skitbra · 10-01-2006 3:38pm

If you want to stay with your bf tell him what you've been up to. It's then up to him whether he wants to carry on with you or not. I know I wouldn't. The world is a sad place because of people like you.

Zombrex · 10-01-2006 3:39pm

AngelAine wrote:

What should I do?

Break up with your boyfriend ... I fail to see the big delema here?

You don't have to tell him its because you are messing around with someone else, though he will probably ask.

If you are not sure if ending it with your current boyfriend is the right thing to do or not, how about you tell him that you have been kissing a guy at work, you started the affair and you think it is going to get more physical in the near future.

If he says "thats fine honey, have fun", well then I guess you are off the hook...

Mr Magnolia · 10-01-2006 3:40pm

I feel so sorry for you. *said loaded with sarcasm* :mad:

4 years!?!, stop messing your boyfriend about, how would you feel if the situation was reversed?

Beruthiel · 10-01-2006 3:41pm

bluewolf wrote:

Threesome.

banned

blahblah06 · 10-01-2006 3:41pm

you kissed the other guy ? admit to it and leave

Zulu · 10-01-2006 3:42pm

Stop seeing your man, or slipt up with your boyfriend.

...or keep going, get caught, break your boyfriends heart, get dumped.

Nalz · 10-01-2006 3:44pm

Sparks400 wrote:

I feel so sorry for you. *said loaded with sarcasm* :mad:

4 years!?!, stop messing your boyfriend about, how would you feel if the situation was reversed?

Exactly... I know how your bf would feel if ya told him. Tell him you 2 timed him for both of your sakes. it will eat you up otherwise.

AdviseMan · 10-01-2006 3:45pm

Got to say break up with your boyfriend out of respect.

meditraitor · 10-01-2006 3:46pm

Your Boyfriend doesnt deserve to be treated like that.

Break up with your boyfriend, and if you have any respect left for him you should tell him why!

The other guy doesnt really want a relationship with you by the sound of it, he is not much of a Man anyway, messing with a woman behind her boyfriends back, but if a bit of fun is all your after than go ahead, enjoy..

But remember this(very important)

What goes around comes around- your due some!

AngelAine · 10-01-2006 3:46pm

Enough advice folks...Before you try find me and kill me - I'm off to do something about it all ...Thanks ...

Crucifix · 10-01-2006 3:48pm

I can't imagine your relationship with your boyfriend is of a high quality if you're willing to be messing around with some other guy. Break up with him.

LegacyUser · 10-01-2006 3:50pm

AngelAine wrote:

I feel like breaking it off with my boyfriend though cos' I think I like this other guy but I seems I can't win. If I break up, I can't jump into another relationship but on the other hand it's not fair on my boyfriend....
What should I do?

I think you should break up with your Boyfriend, but not to get with the other guy, because it doens'y sound like he wants a relationship anyway.

You are right, it is not fair on your boyfriend, and as you have entertained thoughts of breaking it off with him for guy 2, I think you know yourself that its time to call it a day.

I am not going to go into the fact that you have cheated on your boyfriend, because I have no doubt that half the users here will give you a moral lashing for that alone!

Bottom line, call it a day with the BF, your not doing anyone any favours!

Beruthiel · 10-01-2006 3:50pm

AngelAine wrote:

Enough advice folks...Before you try find me and kill me - I'm off to do something about it all ...Thanks ...

I do hope so
you're cheating on your b/f, you don't deserve him, break it off and let him find someone who really cares for him.

Nalz · 10-01-2006 3:52pm

Beruthiel wrote:

I do hope so
you're cheating on your b/f, you don't deserve him, break it off and let him find someone who really cares for him.

I think you could delete every other reply and keep this one. Thats what we all wanted to say. You dont deserve him. Someone else probably will.

Loomis · 10-01-2006 3:55pm

Tell your boyfriend cause I think he deserves to know how you've treated him after five years of his life with you.
Then cling to the new guy cause your boyfriend will fly and then hope the new guy doesn't do the same to you after five years

BoozyBabe · 10-01-2006 4:10pm

Mr. Anderson wrote:

Tell your boyfriend cause I think he deserves to know how you've treated him after five years of his life with you.
Then cling to the new guy cause your boyfriend will fly and then hope the new guy doesn't do the same to you after five years

TBH, I think the new guy will fly long before 5 years!!
He's already said he didn't think she should break up with her bf.
I.E. He doesn't want a relationship, he just wants a no strings fcuk buddy (which as she said herself, he's working up to)

Maybe, the 5year relationship had run its course anyway & because of this she started to look elsewhere.

I was in a VERY similiar situation a while back.
Difference is, I realised I liked someone else & was only with my bf because it was safe & comfortable, so I broke up with my bf, as it was the kindest thing to do.
Then, after the dust settled & an acceptable amt of time past, I acted on my feelings for the other guy & am now in a happy relationship there.

Even at that, I still feel guilty at ending a 5year relationship over another man, & not once did I ever consider cheating.
& even now, I do the best that I can to avoid places where my ex might be to avoid potentially hurting him if he saw us together.

Do break up with your bf because he deserves better & you're obviously not content & satisfied with him, but don't hope to have a nice relationship with your bit on the side, he's only in it for the fun & excitement. As soon as that disappears, so will he.

Collumbo · 10-01-2006 4:12pm

"I love him to pieces and he means the world to me"....

Right. Yeah. Whatever. Grow up.

Amazotheamazing · 10-01-2006 4:20pm

When you break up with your boyfriend, be honest (if you've any honesty in you) so he doesn't spend months on end wondering if it was something he said etc, at least explain to him that you cheated on him and don't deserve him. Hopefully he'll be able to get over you and find someone who actually wants to be solely with him.

misswex · 10-01-2006 4:25pm

Agree with everyone here. You obviously don't love your boyfriend to pieces etc etc as much as you say you do or otherwise you would never dream of doing what you are doing.

I think you should at least have the decency and respect for you boyfriend to tell him the truth and see how he feels.

Maybe he will break up with you or just maybe ye can work it out but I know if somebody did to me what you did to your boyfriend, I would end it as I couldn't trust them aagain.

By the way, I think its pretty obvious that the other guy is only in it for the fun and has no intention of having a relationship with you.

Lux23 · 10-01-2006 4:25pm

That guy doesn't seem like hes worth the hastle just finish it no before you end up hurting your boyfriend. What's a 20 minute shag to a four year realtionship? Alot of people go through what you experiencing but they get past it and continue to have a loving realtionship.

Peace · 10-01-2006 4:27pm

You do realise you're throwing away a 5year relationship over a couple of kisses?

Fanny Cradock · 10-01-2006 4:31pm

AngelAine wrote:

I'm going out my boyfriend for almost five years - I love him to pieces and he means the world to me.

i'm trying not to sound moralistic here, but.....

it really annoys me when people try and justify their infidelity with words like above.

i'm confussed: you want to break it off with yor bf whom you "LOVE" for a guy you "THINK YOU LIKE" (your words). i dunno, maybe i'm old fashioned, but it would seem to me that if you REALLY loved your bf then you wouldn't be kissing another guy in the first place. you also say that your boyfriend "means the world" to you - well you have a funny way of showing it.

you have two choices: you can try salvage your current relationship OR you could stop lying to yourself and your bf, break-up with him and have your bit of fun. to me it sounds like you simply want to trade your man in for a 06-model.

wow, i sound bitter

*Oul_Doll_Cork* · 10-01-2006 4:31pm

Something similar happened to a friend of mine recently!! She had been going out with her boyfriend for ages and they were practically married! 14 of us went on a girly holiday, we were all going out with people for a long time and none of us did the dirt except for her! It was wierd because she was the last person we would have expected to do it!!
Anyhewww, the guy she met was a great fella and they got on sooo well they were just really similar! When she came back they constantly texted eachother and met up once or twice! Her head was completely wrecked because before she went on holidays she had this perfect relationship! She came really close to finishing it with her boyfriend for this guy but something held her back, she just couldn't do it! Eventually the other guy got sick of hanging around waiting for her and they cut off all contact!
I asked her the other day how she felt about it, she couldn't have been happier! She was glad she hadn't finished it with her boyfriend and realised she had been such a fool, she had the perfect guy all along and betrayed his trust by going off with some random guy who she happened to get on well with! I just wanted to tell you that story because it came into my head when I read your post!!! Maybe you should give it some time, think about what your actually doing! What you will be loosing if you loose your boyfriend. After all this guy you know through work, how well do you actually know him? All relationships are great and exciting at the beginning! It does sound as if this other guy isn't really looking for a relationship.

BigArnie · 10-01-2006 4:37pm

Skitbra wrote:

The world is a sad place because of people like you.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

alfa147 · 10-01-2006 4:42pm

em oul doll cork it still means that ur 'mate' is a dirty trampy slut.. ah its cool she had her fun and she can go back to her bf.

the bad thing is he'll never find out when about 14 girls know she cheated on the one she was suppose to love..

if i found out my girlfriend did that i would dump her straight away and destory her reputation by telling filthy lies around town.

to the OP cop on and dump ur bf, u have already made up ur mind by scoring and u know ur goin end up cheating on him. u seem very immature and stupid.

Amazotheamazing · 10-01-2006 4:44pm

Agree alfa, you can't have a fling just to see if you really like your bf/gf. If you've doubts, be honest, go on a break and see for yourself.

Lady_Macbeth · 10-01-2006 4:47pm

AngelAine wrote:

I love him to pieces and he means the world to me.

you love him? yet you're kissing and meeting up with and

AngelAine wrote:

really enjoying

your cheating behaviour? hmmm...

AngelAine wrote:

What should I do?

finish with your boyfriend; continue with the other guy if you want; it seems he doesn't want a relationship and since you're unable to act responsibly in one right now maybe that's best....

good luck

- Lady

*Oul_Doll_Cork* · 10-01-2006 4:48pm

Well, I was trying to help the OP by telling the story! At the end of the day my friend realised that it was her boyfriend she wanted! They are still together and they are very very happy.
I just think the OP should think about it before doing anything! She obviously loves her boyfriend or at least likes him a lot of she was bothered to post here about it!!
Oh and the comment you made about my friend being a dirty trampy slut... that's a bit offensive isn't it considering you don't know the girl! And the point wasn't "ohh she had her fun and still got to have her boyfriend at the end of it" I was making a point of saying she realised that her boyfriend meant more to her. Just remember your in a personal issues forum and this isn't helping the OP!

Hobart · 10-01-2006 4:53pm

alfa147 wrote:

em oul doll cork it still means that ur 'mate' is a dirty trampy slut..

This thread is not about ODC'c mate. It's about the OP asking for advise on a dillema she finds herself in. I'm presuming that you do not know ODC's mate, and I fail to see how you can come up with such a thourough and complete profile based on what she has said. I'm sure that you have never faced temptation and therfore would never have found yourself in a similar situation. I have come to this conclusion on the basis of your inability to string a ledgeable sentence together.

the bad thing is he'll never find out when about 14 girls know she cheated on the one she was suppose to love..

Ya see. Your assuming. You really should not do that.

if i found out my girlfriend did that i would dump her straight away and destory her reputation by telling filthy lies around town.

I feel sorry for her on a number of levels:

1) She is obviously blind
2) She is obviously desperate
3) She is obviously uneducated
4) She probably has to exchange bodily fluids with you, a fate I am sure is worse than having to contemplate what she has to do with your penis
5) She has to listen to a retard like you

I'll see you all in a week.

honru · 10-01-2006 4:54pm

Fanny Cradock wrote:

i'm confussed: you want to break it off with yor bf whom you "LOVE" for a guy you "THINK YOU LIKE" (your words). i dunno, maybe i'm old fashioned, but it would seem to me that if you REALLY loved your bf then you wouldn't be kissing another guy in the first place. you also say that your boyfriend "means the world" to you - well you have a funny way of showing it.

Some people have a romaticised, idealised view of the world. Unfortunetly, we're talking about reality here.

Break up with your partner and confess.

Femelade · 10-01-2006 4:54pm

AngelAine wrote:

Oh no! what will i do! two guys love me, my wallet's too small for my 50's and my diamond shoes are too tight!

hmm..:rolleyes:

UberNewb · 10-01-2006 4:59pm

How would you feel if the tables were turned!

Anyway its obvious that the bloke who you're seeing is just using you but you're to blind to spot that!

alfa147 · 10-01-2006 5:11pm

Hobart wrote:

1) She is obviously blind
2) She is obviously desperate
3) She is obviously uneducated
4) She probably has to exchange bodily fluids with you, a fate I am sure is worse than having to contemplate what she has to do with your penis
5) She has to listen to a retard like you

And ur a moderator? the OP is a fool for what shes doing and what she said. FACT

i don't really care what you said about me but my point was valid so Whatever. btw ur clueless if you think girls don't talk and im sure all of them found out about ODC's mate cheating.

fischerspooner · 10-01-2006 5:13pm

Why are people so certain that you can't love someone if you cheat on them? What they don't know will never hurt them. The truth is, sex and such becomes boring after a while and it's more exciting with other people. I was head over heels in love once, with a girl I would have done anything for, but as I was 20 at the time I still took opportunities with other women (when I knew it would be just a one night thing and there was no way I could be caught) as I always wanted to experiment with lots of different women before I'm too old. It never changed my feelings for my girlfriend at the time. We broke up eventually for other reasons and I was completelty gutted as I really loved her. Still - no regrets. We're all animals in the end. I have a girlfriend now that I like but I still drool over any decent looking girl I see. The only time I condemn it is if the couple have kids, as if you get caught you'll break up leaving the kids in a bit of a situation.

Zulu · 10-01-2006 5:16pm

Hobart wrote:

I'll see you all in a week.

Classic - good man Hobart.

alfa147 · 10-01-2006 5:18pm

@fischerspooner

im kinda sure thats not love dude :rolleyes:.

fischerspooner · 10-01-2006 5:22pm

oh I was definitely in love, believe me.

*Oul_Doll_Cork* · 10-01-2006 5:23pm

alfa147 wrote:

Whatever. btw ur clueless if you think girls don't talk and im sure all of them found out about ODC's mate cheating.

Of course all of us knew that she was cheating on her boyfriend!!! We are all best friend's and what went on when we were on holidays stayed there!!.... BUT.... What the hell has that got to do with the OP's situation??? :rolleyes:

Amazotheamazing · 10-01-2006 5:25pm

Surely if you're in love the idea of being with someone else is abhorrent?

Zombrex · 10-01-2006 5:27pm

*Oul_Doll_Cork* wrote:

Well, I was trying to help the OP by telling the story! At the end of the day my friend realised that it was her boyfriend she wanted! They are still together and they are very very happy.

Only because he doesn't know what she did.

I doubt he would be "very very happy" if he knew the person he was really going out with. Just because she suddenly realise she needs him after screwing around for a bit is hardly the definition of them both being happy, and is incrediable selfish in my opinion.

What your friend did to her boyfriend was horrible. Their entire relationship is based on a lie. She is making it worse everyday by continuing on the lie

I would say the same to the OP. You have to break up with him or tell him or both. In my opinion going back to him and never telling him isn't an option, not if you want to salvage any honour or decency from this situtation.

You have a chance to do the right(ish) thing, or keep doing the wrong thing. Its your choice.

If you really loved him you would not treat him like this TBH. As someone else said if you loved him it is doubtful that you would be interested in a causal relationship with someone else just for the fun of it. I mean you are willing to risk your entire relationship for a few kisses after work. Doesn't sound like it means that much to you at all. There is nothing wrong with not feeling the same towards your boyfriend as you once did, but you should do the honourable thing and stop stringing your boyfriend along in a relationship you obviously is not holding interest to you anymore.

BigArnie · 10-01-2006 5:44pm

fischerspooner wrote:

Why are people so certain that you can't love someone if you cheat on them?

Not me. But if you love someone and you cheat on them then you're selfish, dishonest, untrustworthy and extremely cruel. And you don't deserve to be loved. Simple really.

Fanny Cradock · 10-01-2006 6:00pm

fischerspooner wrote:

Why are people so certain that you can't love someone if you cheat on them? What they don't know will never hurt them. The truth is, sex and such becomes boring after a while and it's more exciting with other people. I was head over heels in love once, with a girl I would have done anything for, but as I was 20 at the time I still took opportunities with other women (when I knew it would be just a one night thing and there was no way I could be caught) as I always wanted to experiment with lots of different women before I'm too old. It never changed my feelings for my girlfriend at the time. We broke up eventually for other reasons and I was completelty gutted as I really loved her. Still - no regrets. We're all animals in the end. I have a girlfriend now that I like but I still drool over any decent looking girl I see. The only time I condemn it is if the couple have kids, as if you get caught you'll break up leaving the kids in a bit of a situation.

ohh, well in that case.....:rolleyes:

i wonder did your ex ever know about your cheating ways? you can try and justify your actions - "we're all animals", but, it in reality, what it amounts to is a lame excuse that eases your conscience enough to sleep around. if you truly loved the girl you wouldn't have slept with other women. FACT!!!

you didn't deserve that girl and, in like manner, neither does the op deserve her bf.

AngryBadger · 10-01-2006 6:03pm

seems straight forward. leave the boyfriend and chance it with this guy.

Although I would point out that he's using you, I mean think about it, he's leading you around by the nose, and convincing you that you shouldn't go out with him, that you should stay with your boyfriend....wow, I love this guy.

oh, and you're a muppet, best of luck

Stabshauptmann · 10-01-2006 6:49pm

AngelAine wrote:

Please help...

I'm going out my boyfriend for almost five years - I love him to pieces and he means the world to me. I never two timed him until recently. It never even came into my head until a few months ago...

Basically, I got to know a guy through work - he doesn't work with me but I seen quite frequently because of work. We speak a lot on the phone and I meet him two or three time a week through work related outings. We always flirt but recently I decided to see if he would go a step further. Our texts started to imply stuff and we ended up kissing. Since then, I meet up with him a few times a week and we kiss - but thats it although going further is probably going to happen in time.

I'm 24 years of age, I love my boyfriend but I'm really enjoying this. The other guy knows about my boyfriend and told me that I shouldn't break up with him cos' it wouldn't be for the right reasons. He says it's just fun and he enjoys my company.

I feel like breaking it off with my boyfriend though cos' I think I like this other guy but I seems I can't win. If I break up, I can't jump into another relationship but on the other hand it's not fair on my boyfriend....

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What should I do?

You're a worthless excuse for a GF.

You said you'd been together, what, 5 years and yet:
* you deliberatly, and Premeditately cheated.
* You're even planning to go further.
* You're not planning on telling the BF
* You have no regrets

Most people will call you a bitch when they find out. If I said half the words that spring to mind Id probably get a life time ban from PI. I hope someone brakes your heart so you can learn some empathy.

What should you do; grow a heart and learn to be a decent human being.

chump · 10-01-2006 7:20pm

Kaptain Redeye wrote:

What should you do; grow a heart and learn to be a decent human being.

True true. Disgusting excuse of a human really.

Loomis · 10-01-2006 7:25pm

fischerspooner wrote:

Why are people so certain that you can't love someone if you cheat on them? What they don't know will never hurt them. The truth is, sex and such becomes boring after a while and it's more exciting with other people. I was head over heels in love once, with a girl I would have done anything for, but as I was 20 at the time I still took opportunities with other women (when I knew it would be just a one night thing and there was no way I could be caught) as I always wanted to experiment with lots of different women before I'm too old. It never changed my feelings for my girlfriend at the time. We broke up eventually for other reasons and I was completelty gutted as I really loved her. Still - no regrets. We're all animals in the end. I have a girlfriend now that I like but I still drool over any decent looking girl I see. The only time I condemn it is if the couple have kids, as if you get caught you'll break up leaving the kids in a bit of a situation.

Because you can't.You might like the person but if you do that then you don't know what love is.Which is a pity for you.
Sex does not become boring after a while.It might for you.I would just take that to mean that you're interested in the sex more than anything else so if that doesn't hold you then you are justified in wandering once your partner doesn't find out."What they don't know won't hurt them" is such a ridiculous comment it's untrue.

Loomis · 10-01-2006 7:46pm

Fanny Cradock wrote:

ohh, well in that case.....:rolleyes:

i wonder did your ex ever know about your cheating ways? you can try and justify your actions - "we're all animals", but, it in reality, what it amounts to is a lame excuse that eases your conscience enough to sleep around. if you truly loved the girl you wouldn't have slept with other women. FACT!!!

you didn't deserve that girl and, in like manner, neither does the op deserve her bf.

True that!
Made me think of the line Locke says in Lost:
"Having choices, making decisions based on more than instinct is the only thing that seperates you from him" *points to a boar*

Airblazer · 10-01-2006 8:10pm

hopefully boyfriend cops on what a bitch the op is..dumps her and she's left with no one..the other guy has no interest in a relationship and is obviously thinking no strings attached sex..he's a prick as well.:mad:

Two men - What to do?

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