Fat Girlfriend

LegacyUser

Basically I have been going out with this girl for about 16 months. Im really in love her and would do anything for her, since Ive been with her shes put on a lot of weight like 2 stone at least , she used to be just curvy, now shes at the stage were you would class her as fat. Im still attracted to her, dont get me wrong altough I admit not as much as I used to be, and Id like to see her try to lose the weight.
Im into keeping fit , have been for a while and go to the gym regularly , but this has never interested her she says lifes too short which is part of her personality that attracted me to her in the first place. Ive been hearing a few comments from friends about it asking do I mind that she has put on the weight. Ive over heard other people mentioning that shes letting herself go and some other hurtful comments from knackers on the street. I also notice some girls giving her funny looks when were together in public, this really gets my blood boiling. The thing is it doesnt bother her one bit and I always say that shes perfect to me. I dont know If i should mention it to her, but Im scared Ill hurt her feelings. Its not really the weight that bothers me the most altough I admit Id like her to at least attempt to lose the weight its the comments and looks I see people giving people the girl that I love that really gets me. Ive got a short temper on me, and Im scared Im gonna lose it the next time some ejit says something. Do you think I should risk hurting her feelings and tell her or just let her be?

Nalz

I dunno. Its a risky thing to do. My last gf (of umteen years) went from a size 10 - 16 back down to 10 in 4 years so I had that kind of scenario too. I put on a few pounds myself, a mixture of the comfort zone and the euro saver menu! We're not together now (nothing got to do with the weight thing) but I hear she's lookin fairly healthy lately! I had to listen to the minority askin me was I worried about her puttin on the wieght but tbh I didnt mind that much...

Sleipnir

If it doesn't bother her and it doesn't bother you, what the hell do you care what a bunch lf knackers think?

smurfbaby

I was in a similar situation to this, although not as extreme. Last year my boyfriend of 3 years started encouraging me to join his gym, and for the two of us to start eating healthier and cutting out junk. i weighed myself for the first time in ages and was shocked to discover that i was about a stone heavier than i thought! I had noticed that my clothes were a bit tighter but probably wouldnt have acted on it if he hadnt dropped gentle hints and encouragement. I dropped the excess weight over the summer and have never regained it. Im also much more aware now of what i eat in general. If you can take this sort of approach with your girlfriend theres no need for her to feel bad about herself. Also its worth reminding her that its not just about her appearance but her general health

*Shelly*

I have to agree with sleipnir on this. If it doesn't bother you like you say then you should be able to ignore the comments. After all, If the comment aren't bothering her it shows that she just doesn't care what people think of her which is good. If she has never mentioned losing the weight then its clear that she doesn't want to. But if she starts mentioning it then you can help her an be supportive. I think of you do say something to her about it you could be risking your relationship. Even if its just because you want to help her, in the end of the day comments about weight stick whether you're under or overweight and if its from someone you love then its even harder to deal with.

LegacyUser

i'm sure your gf is aware that this is an issue.

personally, i couldn't be with a woman who would let herself go like that, it's unhealthy and unattractive.

i'm sure you do love her, but lets be honest, you'd prefer her with a killer body, or even an adverage body.

i'm not sure there's any way you can guage this without causing offence.....

does she do any exercise? how about suggesting an activity you can do together, walking, cycling, tennis, golf?

if you're living together, try and prepare more healthy food.

if she's not arsed in the first place, you might have to just come out and say it.

good luck.

Zulu

I feel for you. What can you do - you're damed if you do, and you're damed if you don't.

I guess just be honest. Tell her she's becomming less and less attractive. She'll probably get in an awful strop, and you could find yourself single, but hey, whats the alternative?

To be fair - if she's not that bothered/arsed to keep herself, perhaps you should think about that? Would she keep you if you stopped washing yourself?

Gordon

Daniel2006 wrote:

I always say that shes perfect to me.

But she's not, right?

LegacyUser

Zulu wrote:

Tell her she's becomming less and less attractive. She'll probably get in an awful strop, and you could find yourself single, but hey, whats the alternative?

Mmm, I am going to suggest that you DON'T tell her she is becoming less and less attractive, as that is just incredibly hurtful.

Some one else mentioned subtle hints, i.e. suggesting you get fit together.
I agree with this suggestion. Even if you just start out with a few long walks and build to something a bit more complex with time.

Also, when she suggests ordering in, or dining out in a fast food restaurant, just decline, or suggest a healthier option.

I know I wouldn't order in a fatty take away just for me if my BF was opting for something a bit healthier, I would feel like a greddy pig.

You mentioned that your quite healthy, so maybe, with a bit of hinting, it could rub off on her.

Sexy Girl

I have a female friend in the same position. She has put on alot of wait since she start with her current bf 3yrs ago. She would have been considered to be very attractive with a killer figure and now she still wears the same type of clothes as she did years ago and TBH I feel that she's just too big for the clothes. She's joined curves for the past year but goes about 3 times a week and then goes ording chinese at least 3 times a week.

Id love her to lose the weight but its her insecurites that's holding her back and her Bf wont say anything to her cause she'd go mad even though I know he feels similiar to you but I do feel if he said it to her (in a very nice and calm way) that she would take heed and lose the weight and get back being the confident girl that I used to know

So my advice to you is maybe mention it to her cause its obviously bothering you alot more then you think. I know beauty is only skin deep but I cant be with a guy who doesnt look after himself

Lux23

I don't see your problem. If she is happy with herself and you are still attracted to her then you have little to worry about. It is unhealthy to be overweight but Im sure she knows this and maybe in time she will tackle her weight problem herself. I think it would be childish if you say anything regarding her weight just because your 'mates' have made comments. The best thing you can do is make sure you are eating well and she may follow your example.

Zulu

sillysausage wrote:

Mmm, I am going to suggest that you DON'T tell her she is becoming less and less attractive, as that is just incredibly hurtful.

Well I'm not suggesting he should cal her a fatty-fat-fat, or eat with no knife and fork in front of her, but it the girl is that comfortable with herself, and adopts the whole "life's too short" attitude, something tells me all the subtle hints in the world will go unnoticed.

Zulu

Lux23 wrote:

I don't see your problem. If she is happy with herself and you are still attracted to her then you have little to worry about. ... I think it would be childish if you say anything regarding her weight just because your 'mates' have made comments.

Pish-posh. Evidently she isn't as attractive as she used to be. And if its becoming a problem, it would be immature and ultimately detrimental not to discuss this with her.

The best thing you can do is make sure you are eating well and she may follow your example.

??? So your advice is - "do nothing". Let the girl blimp out. :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Well to be honest, I too piled on the pounds when I got too comfy in a relationship, for me, the alarm bells started to ring when I flipped through an old photo album and realised how fit I used to be, and how, without noticing, I had swapped fitted jeans a tops for baggy bottoms and hoodies.
I tried on and old pair of jeans and they wouldn't even go up over my thighs, I was horrified!

My boyfriend tells me I am gorgeous every day, and I actually believe that he means it, but I don't feel gorgeous, and I am not blind to my faults, so I have decided to get my diet and lifestyle back on track.

Maybe a trip down memory lane with the aid of old snaps might be whats needed for your girlfriend, maybe its the wake up call she needs.

Lux23

Why would she be any less attractive if she has put on weight? If he doesn't want to harm his realtionship he shouldn't say anything. After all she is a grown woman and doesn't have to answer to him or anyone else.

Miss Fluff

sillysausage wrote:

Maybe a trip down memory lane with the aid of old snaps might be whats needed for your girlfriend, maybe its the wake up call she needs.

Deffo, was going to say the same. If she doesn't weigh herself and opts for baggy trackie bottoms etc she genuinely might not realise how big she has become. An old photo of her in her slimmer days should help. You could have a casual chat about how you've both changed since then......

Zulu

Lux23 wrote:

Why would she be any less attractive if she has put on weight?

:rolleyes: ...because most of the human population don't find fat attractive. (Why did I need to type that?)

If he doesn't want to harm his relationship he shouldn't say anything.

Great advice there. ...no really, you should do this professionally. It's genius really, and so simple! I don't know how I didn't realise this myself: If you have a problem with your partner - don't mention it. Say nothing.
...that must be why I've had so many failed relationships :rolleyes:

After all she is a grown woman and doesn't have to answer to him or anyone else.

...she doesn't, but she should consider his feelings/respect his opinions, and wish to be attractive to him. After all she is supposed to be going out with him.
When you grow out of your adolescence, you'll realise that the world doesn't really work if everyone keeps an uncompromising attitude.

Sillysausage wrote:

tried on and old pair of jeans and they wouldn't even go up over my thighs, I was horrified!

Great idea there. Suggest she puts on an old dress/jeans she used to wear when you went out. Tell her how hot/sexy she used to be in it.

Lux23

But he says he is still attracted to her no matter so who cares what the rest of the world thinks.

And he said in his orginal post that he hasn't got a problem its other people who do. There is no reason for him to harm his realtionship because other people have problems with her weight!

Sifo

Just be honest, it's not going to be easy, but physical attraction is important. 2 stone in 16 months is a fair bit of weight and yes maybe she'll shed that weight over the next 16 months, but she may also put on another 2 stone and then you'll wish you said something sooner.. I know you dont wanna hurt her feelings but you need to think about her health and the health of your relationship.

good luck

Zulu

Lux23 wrote:

But he says he is still attracted to her no matter

Daniel2006 wrote:

Im still attracted to her, dont get me wrong altough I admit not as much as I used to be, and Id like to see her try to lose the weight.

so who cares what the rest of the world thinks.

He does. Otherwise we wouldn't be reading this.

Mr. CooL ICE

I went out with a girl for almost a year who was a bit overweight and i think she put on slightly more as i went out with her, and she was constantly talking about how she wanted to be thinner and did nothing about it. The one time that I answered her when she talked about this and suggested that she try lose weight, she came up with excuses why she shouldn't. After that I left it, but I shouldn't have.

As far as I'm concerned, its up to her to look the way she wants to look, but I suggested she lose weight, not just because I would have preferred her to look that way, but because of her health. She suffered from bad period pain which doctors said would certainly decrease if she lost weight. We lived distances apart so I wasn't always able to be there to, say, go for walks with her or suggest healthy food, so I couldn't have done anything like that, but if you are looking for a way to ask her to slim down, don't mention her looks, mention her health. Life's too short, just don't let her make it shorter.

Savman

Some of you are just so shallow.:rolleyes:

akw_old

Savman wrote:

Some of you are just so shallow.:rolleyes:

not much point in going out with someone if you are not physically attracted to them.

Zulu

Savman wrote:

Some of you are just so shallow.:rolleyes:

Do you like going out with ugly birds then?

Lady_Macbeth

The fact that you felt like you needed to post here means that it is affecting you. If it genuinely weren't an issue, you'd be perfectly happy to carry on.

It is quite a risky area to be treading on, and I wouldn't advise that you come out straight to her face as, as you said, you love her and hurting her is probably the last thing you want to do.

Then again, it's hard to address the issue by actually avoiding it.
Perhaps suggesting doing some more activities together.

Or even clothes shopping - she may be astonished by the sizes that she now requires.

It's a difficult one.
Best of luck

- Lady

TinCool

You could always change the channel to those BBC documentaries about "your killing the kids" and other such documentaries about healthy living etc. There's nearly always something on that relates to weight loss etc. There was a documentary on BBC last week about stomach staples and gastric braces, horrific stuff, if that doesn't make you want to lose weight I'm not sure what will.

...Failing that, you could always get all the Fat Fighters sketches from Little Britain together in one sitting and serve up some "dust" for tea :rolleyes:

chrislad

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I really love my girl but both of us are getting a bit out of shape. You say you're a regular gym goer, so trying to get her to go with you might be putting her off, as she might feel fat or unfit next to the people there. Try to make her go, but don't go all out. Go swimming, have a laugh and build up to serious 'work outs'. Try to make it fun and not a chore to lose weight.

Savman

Zulu wrote:

Do you like going out with ugly birds then?

There's no such thing. And that attitude doesn't say much about you, pal.

Zulu

Savman wrote:

There's no such thing.

Ahhhahahahahaha! You are fu*king kidding right?

And that attitude doesn't say much about you, pal.

...except that I can see perhaps? :rolleyes:

Seraphina

Zulu wrote:

Ahhhahahahahaha! You are fu*king kidding right?

err.. just because YOU dont find someone attractive, doesn't mean no one will.
i may not find you attractive for example, that doesn't mean you're ugly to everyone you meet.

and yeah Savman is right, that attitude really doesn't say much about you. newsflash, the world doesn't revolve around you, and your personal standards are not universal.

to the OP, try to encourage her to be active with you - although this wont really work so well with it being so cold etc. outside, but when the weather is nice perhaps suggest nice walks/cycles together. go out and see new places and she will see it as fun rather than a chore. its important that she enjoys whatever you do with her - she'll be more likely to do it herself when you're not around.

perhaps try cooking for her? nice romantic dinners give you a chance to earn brownie points and show her how tasty eating healthy can be!
other suggestions about old photo's and old clothes which no longer fit her are also good.. say you'd like to see that sexy little black dress she prob no longer fits into... but be subtle!

oh yeah, and sex is a great calorie burner

Stabshauptmann

maybe of some use
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=281956&highlight=kittenkiller

Savman

Zulu I could call you ugly, but you would obviously think otherwise. I despise the use of the word "ugly" - people using it think they are elevating themselves above the "ugly" masses but instead they are just lowering themselves.

I've seen many couples where I wouldn't be attracted to the female, however that doesn't mean that lady is an "ugly" person, but to each his/her own.

Remember this is a personal issues forum and you should try show some sensitivity, if you've nothing decent to add, there are many other forums you can infest.:)

Zulu

Seraphina wrote:

and yeah Savman is right, that attitude really doesn't say much about you. newsflash, the world doesn't revolve around you, and your personal standards are not universal.

Oh climb down off you moral high horse - I'm amazed you could hear me all the way up there. :rolleyes:

ugly: 1. Displeasing to the eye; unsightly

Believe it or not, there are ugly people in this world. Perhaps I'm one of them. I'm not too bothered, that's life.
How you jumped to the conclusion that I believe the world revolves around me is comical though. Oh, and by-the-by I never once mentioned my standards, but don't let that stop you... :rolleyes:

.. say you'd like to see that sexy little black dress she prob no longer fits into... but be subtle!

I think I suggested that.

Savman wrote:

Zulu I could call you ugly...

You could, it would be like me calling you a ........., but it would be an insult and probably end in a banning. Keep your veiled insults to yourself.

I despise the use of the word "ugly" - people using it think they are elevating themselves...

blah, blah, or perhaps they are using it to describe something/someone. I'm sorry if the word is a little to curt for your sensitivities, but I suggest you learn that most people in this world don't live in Cloud-Cookoo-Land

I've seen many couples where I wouldn't be attracted to the female, however that doesn't mean that lady is an "ugly" person, but to each his/her own.

No it doesn't. I never suggested that. But is one of the partners starts to find the other getting less and less attractive or even (brace yourself, I'm going to say it again) ugly, there's a serious issue that needs to be dealt with.

Remember this is a personal issues forum and you should try show some sensitivity, if you've nothing decent to add, there are many other forums you can infest.

infest? Remember this is a personal issues forum and you should try show some sensitivity... oh wait where did I hear that before?

...something about a pot and a kettle, I'll get back to you :rolleyes:

Savman

Zulu wrote:

ugly: 1. Displeasing to the eye; unsightly

Believe it or not, there are ugly people in this world. Perhaps I'm one of them.

Maybe we can agree on something then.

Hopeless

Zulu wrote:

I feel for you. What can you do - you're damed if you do, and you're damed if you don't.

I guess just be honest. Tell her she's becomming less and less attractive. She'll probably get in an awful strop, and you could find yourself single, but hey, whats the alternative?

To be fair - if she's not that bothered/arsed to keep herself, perhaps you should think about that? Would she keep you if you stopped washing yourself?

Yeah exactly. No matter what you do both of you are not gonna be thrilled about it but it's almost more hypocritical of you not to say anything and feel this way and get annoyed all the damn than of you to try and talk to her.
She will get annoyed most likely but you should probably risk that and hope that she considers taking up a healthier lifestyle and losing weight.

Zulu

Savman wrote:

Maybe we can agree on something then.

Make a point, not an insult.

Pinx

Daniel2006, your girlfriend is lucky to have such a supportive boyfriend! It's a tricky situation with no easy answer. You have her health AND her emotions to consider. Something simple like suggesting the two of you go for walk one or two evenings a week might be the first step towards a more healthy lifestyle.

freebird

Putting on that much weight in that period of time is usually a symptom of another problem rather than a problem in itself. For example she may have taken to comfort-eating to escape having to deal with another issue in her life. Tell her you read this fact in a magazine (in a waiting room perhaps?) and it made you wonder if there was something that has been bothering her that she hasn't told you about. At least this way she can't get upset with you about broaching the subject of her weight because after all it's only an aside to the REAL subject being discussed, i.e. her happiness and well-being. However at least she will then have been made aware of the fact that you have noticed the weight gain.

She may then ask you if it bothers you .... just be honest by making the distinction between "love" and "physical attraction" saying that you still love her as much as ever but that the physicl attraction was probably stronger before she put on the weight. You can't be more honest than that. And if that kind of rational yet softly-softly honest approach upsets her then she needs therapy.

Truth is ...... you should be having this discussion with her. Best of luck!

Gordon

Savman, stop digging. And Zulu, please let other people have their say.

jimmy rodgers

it is probably the pill that has caused her to put on weight

LegacyUser

jimmy rodgers wrote:

it is probably the pill that has caused her to put on weight

that's baloney, the pill doesn't make women put on weight, eating crap and not exercising does.

*Shelly*

Eh sorry stp but you're wrong. One of the side effects that women are warned about before going on the pill is weight loss and weight gain. Depends on the person and depends on what pill but yes the pill can cause people to put on weight!

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

I know it's really hard to admit it but your girlfriend putting on weight is obviously effecting the relationship!! Try and be as sensitive as you can, I think freebirds idea about the article in the magazine was really good! Also looking back on past photographs would be a nice subtle way for her to see how much weight she has actually put on!
Its so easy for someone to put on weight when they get comfortable in a relationship! You might love her no matter what but you need to be attracted to her and she should show her appeciation for you by looking after herself and looking nice for you, if that means loosing a few pounds then she should be doing it for you, you shouldn't need to drop hints to her! Thats just my opinion!

TheVan

Well to be honest, you obviously like the girl so i think you should count yourself lucky you have someone? You're one-up on me anyway!

LegacyUser

*Shelly* wrote:

Eh sorry stp but you're wrong. One of the side effects that women are warned about before going on the pill is weight loss and weight gain. Depends on the person and depends on what pill but yes the pill can cause people to put on weight!

can you back this up?

Zulu

stp wrote:

can you back this up?

It's true.

LegacyUser

THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL AND WEIGHT GAIN

The hormone estrogen, in the birth control pill may cause the
body to retain water. The symptoms of water retention are weight
gain, bloating and breast tenderness. The weight gain due to the
birth control pill is usually less than six pounds. For most
women, water retention occurs only for the first few months on
the pill.

To avoid retention, it is advisable to cut down on foods which
contain large amounts of salt or sodium.

http://www.holysmoke.org/fem/fem0580.htm

hepcat

STP just type above into google and you will get all the verification you need. The pill can and does cause weight gain.

LegacyUser

sillysausage wrote:

THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL AND WEIGHT GAIN

The hormone estrogen, in the birth control pill may cause the
body to retain water. The symptoms of water retention are weight
gain, bloating and breast tenderness. The weight gain due to the
birth control pill is usually less than six pounds. For most
women, water retention occurs only for the first few months on
the pill.

To avoid retention, it is advisable to cut down on foods which
contain large amounts of salt or sodium.

http://www.holysmoke.org/fem/fem0580.htm

ok, my bad, so it can cause weight gain in some women, "less than six pounds" is not that much at all, less than half a stone.

and half of that's probably in the boobs!

i think alot of women use the pill as an excuse for being overweight.

g'em

hepcat wrote:

STP just type above into google and you will get all the verification you need. The pill can and does cause weight gain.

does indeed, but likely not to the extent that the OP's gf has gained....

but if she's happy, then so be it. Of course there's serious health issues involved with being overweight which can't be ignored. Regardless of feelings of attraction that the OP may have for his girlfriend, a bit of encouragement to lose some excess weight will do her no harm.

Chavster

sillysausage wrote:

THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL AND WEIGHT GAIN

The hormone estrogen, in the birth control pill may cause the
body to retain water. The symptoms of water retention are weight
gain, bloating and breast tenderness. The weight gain due to the
birth control pill is usually less than six pounds. For most
women, water retention occurs only for the first few months on
the pill.

To avoid retention, it is advisable to cut down on foods which
contain large amounts of salt or sodium.

http://www.holysmoke.org/fem/fem0580.htm

but the pro's certainly outweigh the cons