need help for my son and I.

kath

I am at the end of the road ,I feel I am wrecking my sons life.I'll explain my son is an only child.He is 12 years old.He is extremely overweight and is so concious of it.He attends a small school in the country,but next year he will be in 1st year in the nearest town.At presend he gets teased a little and can be quite upset about it.I as a secondary school pupil got badly bullied about my weight.It went on for most of the five years I attended that school.My self esteem is not the best,I try hard to rise above it and not let it rub off on my son.I worry a lot about him attending secondary school as he is such a lovely well mannered young man and wouldn't hurt a fly and worry at the effect that his weight will have on his future.About 3 years back I lost almost 3 stone and was about a size 10-12 and felt terrific but as time has gone on I have regained 2 stone of it and I now live in tracksuits as none of my clothes fit me.My son wants so much to lose this weight and together on the 1st we started a healthier diet.I feel if I have a bad day I drag him down.A few months back we were doing great and he had lost about half scone and I lost about a stone.But hey presto I got depressed and started eating as a comfortor and muy son followed suit.Myfear this time is that I will once again drag him down with me.I am a big time binger and he is so simular.If i have a bad night,He feels its a waste of time for him to continue on his own.The other big problem in this house is my husband as he is a chocoholic and he has never made an attempt to help and no amount of nagging will improve that I have asked him to at least lock his supply away (out of sight out of mind)as of yet there has been no temptation but in all fairness,it's inly 2 days.Any advice wold be appreciated.Thanks Kath

Musashi

Try getting out of the house, even for a walk each evening? Gives ye a chance to catch up and get a bit of a walk in. You'll burn more calories in the cold anyway and walking briskly will keep your body temp. up.

I'd try and find a team sport he'd like to give a go to and encourage him to attend training. He's more likely to go even if he doesn't want to if a team is involved. Any local Martial Arts, Rugby or whatever teams/clubs?

Limit his TV and Playstation time and set a regular bed time and meal times. Eat little and often and try to get away from pre-packed foods and get into local fresh veg.
It's a lot harder to get fat on Turnip than chocies and Veg. has the vitamins and anti-oxidants.

You can't be constantly "on a diet" as this is doomed to fail and after failing it's harder to try again. It has to be an attitude and lifestyle change. Not all at once, pick one thing and do it. A regular walk or giving up chips for example. Once that one is locked down pick another change and nail it, success is a habit you want to cultivate.

Don't buy any more crap food, your just setting yourself up for a binge. If you do cave in just put it behind you and resolve to try harder. It's a moment of weakness not an end to the campaign. Schedule a treat day, easier to be good all week if you will have a treat on Sunday. Often when you get your craved food you'll find you don't even really want it. It's the mental thing that's important, "if I can hang on X more days I get chocolate on Sunday" type thing.

The mental thing is the trick to this. You need to be someone who eats healthily and gets some regular exercise, not someone suffering through a diet. It's positive mental visualisation, even if you don't believe a word of it keep telling yourself you love this new eating plan and won't go back to old bad habits. Even "knowing" that your only saying it for the sake of it eventually it sinks in and takes root. The mind controls the body. Tell yourself chocolate is poison often enough and you will believe it even despite yourself!
The other part is self esteem and body image. You know you felt good when you felt you looked good. Feel that way all the time. Tell yourself you look good now and are only improving each day. You may not believe at the start but say it anyway. As you do get better feel better and resolve not to go back to old ways. You may think ten minutes walk isn't enough to have a positive effect, Tell yourself ten minutes is better than no minutes and head away out! No biscuit is better than one biscuit and don't eat it. You set up positive situations and results to rely on and build from. Ten minutes walk today, eleven tomorrow, maybe the running league next year? Just set achievable goals and then achieve them, set yourself up for success.

Sorry for sounding like a Tony Robbins infomercial but this is what has worked for me in the past and I came to these ideas through hard work

May you Achieve!

martinl

Kath,
as Musahi said it also mental change, that you aim for. The idea with getting involved with a team is brilliant.

Set yourself 1. realistic, 2. achievable, 3. positive phrased, 4. measurable and 5 time related goals. E.g. instead of saying, thinking “I want to loose weight” be more specific and say “Within the next six months (set a specific date) I’m / we are going to life a healthier life, eat lot’s of fresh fruit and veg fit into, clothes size ..x… ”

Possibly also try to talk to your husband and explain how important this is for you and your son and find a way to get his support or others people support, explain to other s what you want to achieve and make a promise to them that you will achieve it. Possibly team up with other people who are in a similar situation.

Another suggestion it to keep a success or progress diary. Every evening ask yourself what did I/we do today to get closer to my/our goal/s? What can I/we do tomorrow, this week to progress? Learn from what worked and what didn’t work! Review the progress diary regular and make yourself aware of the fact that you gradually move towards your goal and that you are pro active. Write down that you sent this post as a another step….

And keep in mind

"We are what we do and not what we say we are."

"If you don’t change today your tomorrow will be like yesterday!"

Transform

Totally agree with all of the above and my advice is find a role model he adores and make up stories around him/her and their healthier lifestyle etc

Ajnag

In line with the above advice, changing your eating habits as opposed to dieting. Both you and your son should do this together and you should both learn to cook healthier. The importance of this to your son, is that this will bypass the fact that most young people eat processed crap because they cant cook when they leave home.

From personal experiance, the worst damage done was excessive diets where I got so pissed off I quit for a few years. I paid dearly for that, and thats why learning nutrition and healthy eating is the only real way forward. Ignore the hype, most diets you see in the media are bull**** pure and simple, If these diets are so great then why are so many people still fat? Same with fat loss products. That said tho, supplements such as multivitimins and omega three fishoils should be included in your regime and beyond weight control, you should be looking to eat and live in such a way that will help you reduce your depression

Also take control of the food that enters your home, If your hubbie wants to be a chocoholic, let him keep it in the car. The worst instigatior to binging is having crap lying round the house in the first place.