Childbirth

Pighead

"Bah, you males have absolutely no idea what it feels like, its the most agonising excruciating feeling ever to be felt by anybody ever".

Whats the above an impression of? Yeah you're right its Pighead pretending to be a woman moaning about childbirth. I'm pretty sure though thats its just one of those things that they tell us knowing we can't totally disprove them.
Its like when we tell the ladies that we're making sweet sweet love to them and that of course it feels special.

Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5.

A 1 being somebody flicking the back of your ear and a 10 being somebody ripping your toenail off with a vicescripts and poking about the underneath bit with a cocktail stick.
Another 5 would be somebody bending your finger back really far and keeping it bent for 2 seconds after you started screaming

What pain rating would you give for childbirth and what would you equate it to?

Hugh Hefner

I can't see it being any worse than appendicitis, which I've had. Very painful, but overblown. A 7.

LundiMardi

Pighead wrote:

10 being somebody ripping your toenail off with a vicescripts and poking about the underneath bit with a cocktail stick.

:eek:

ThiiinkPink!

"Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5"

Are you trying to start the mods off on a ban-fest? I'd happily replace 'pig' with something a little less tasteful.

Pighead

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

"Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5"

Are you trying to start the mods off on a ban-fest? I'd happily replace 'pig' with something a little less tasteful.

Just answer the question dollface.
Ah fcuk it Pigheads curious, what would you change the pig to? Does it start with d f or
am I totally off track and its a number you're thinking off?

Rb

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

"Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5"

Are you trying to start the mods off on a ban-fest? I'd happily replace 'pig' with something a little less tasteful.

Whats your other username?

Nightwish

Having never experienced childbirth, and never intending to as I do not think children are worth it and the world does not need a mini me, I would estimate it as being 9.5.

ThiiinkPink!

Pighead wrote:

Just answer the question dollface.

Dont call me dollface.
and as for the feeling, imagine if I were to grab you by the balls (you have no legs or arms to help yourself for good measure) I squeeze them so hard, my hands turn blue, and you cry with agony. then I proceed to pull them away from your body while still squeezing them. how about some nails? yes that might help things along. how about some vinegar into those wounds?

You still dont come close, and the vinegar in the nail wounds are just being stitched up.

Willymuncher

Well having a little human come out of you....I'd give it a 9, it sounds bloody painful.

Pighead

Nightwish wrote:

Having never experienced childbirth, and never intending to as I do not think children are worth it and the world does not need a mini me, I would estimate it as being 9.5.

:eek:
Thats gotta be out of 20 Nightwish. It is isn't it? Surely you can't think its a full 2 points more painful than somebody slamming the kitchen door on your fingers?

ThiiinkPink!

Willymuncher wrote:

Well having a little human come out of you....I'd give it a 9, it sounds bloody painful.

Its off the charts. forget the out of ten or twenty scale.

Nightwish

I have watched childbirth and its quite a big thing coming out of a small space, so I'm sticking with my estimation

ThiiinkPink!

Nightwish wrote:

I have watched childbirth and its quite a big thing coming out of a small space, so I'm sticking with my estimation

I think the one you are looking for is "six inch s**te through a 3 inch pipe"

Hugh Hefner

Yeah, but it just turns through your pelvic bones. It's not like it's poping a giant hole in you. And they wait until you're dialated a good deal anyway.

Also, shouldn't 10 be something more painful, like being burned to death?

tman

a hippy acquaintance of mine once described the beautiful act of childbirth as "like ****ting a melon!"
she's dropped enough sprogs for me to trust her on that one...

think i'd rather give that a pass tbh:p

kazper

having gone through it, i think i can honestly say that i couldnt put it on a scale of one to ten, watched all the videos, went to the classes, but nothing, absolutely nothing prepares you for it.

Nightwish

okaaaay....thanks for being so graphic

LundiMardi

i'd say it's pretty painfull normally, but what about when they have to 'cut you'... down there!!!!! ouch!!!1

ThiiinkPink!

Hugh Hefner wrote:

Yeah, but it just turns through your pelvic bones. It's not like it's poping a giant hole in you. And they wait until you're dialated a good deal anyway.Also, shouldn't 10 be something more painful, like being burned to death?

How infuriating, its not just a matter of waiting till you 10cms dialated. they pain you have to go through during that time is exruciating.
All women are different, but its usually mothers who've had children before that have slightly quicker births. have you ever at least stood outside a labour ward? You wouldnt hear the screams in the best horror movie on the go.

Femelade

yep, i've been through it, i'll give it an 8, it was terrible. i'd give appendicitis a 9 though, only cos u dont come out with the most gorgeous human being afterwards.

Pighead

Hugh Hefner wrote:

Also, shouldn't 10 be something more painful, like being burned to death?

Yeah thats painful alright Hugh but looking at my Pain Evaluation Chart it only registers an 8.5.

Nightwish, your talking big things coming out of small spaces but we're not talking squeezing a grapefruit through a 5 inch in diameter iron bar. The grapefruit would burst. Babies dont burst because the small space widens.
Granted if the small space didnt widen then it would be fair to say that childbirth would be deserving of a 9.5.

ThiiinkPink!

LundiMardi wrote:

i'd say it's pretty painfull normally, but what about when they have to 'cut you'... down there!!!!! ouch!!!1

They help you out there. by giving you an injection to numb the area first. then the cut you up.

Nightwish

the pain lies in the small space widening, and then there are the occasions when the sapce isnt wide enough and they have to cut you. They give pain relief for that however its afterwards that you feel the pain from that procedure.
Anyway its just not worth it IMO

LundiMardi

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

They help you out there. by giving you an injection to numb the area first. then the cut you up.

yeah but it's not always gonna be numb...

Anyway, i don't care anyway.. i'm an almighty man.

SexeeAussie

Having been through it twice AND having a kidney infection (which I rate a 9.5) Childbirth is not even on that scale........ No way known......Try having an episiotomy (a cut down 'there') as well.....not nice. AT ALL.

I'd have my toenails ripped off and not even flinch

Hugh Hefner

Femmy wrote:

yep, i've been through it, i'll give it an 8, it was terrible. i'd give appendicitis a 9 though, only cos u dont come out with the most gorgeous human being afterwards.

*High five!*

Why can't everyone just have a c-section and get along?

LundiMardi

put it this way, i NEVER wanna get kidney stones, so i can imagine how a woman wouldn't wanna go through it...

ThiiinkPink!

SexeeAussie wrote:

Childbirth is not even on that scale.
I'd have my toenails ripped off and not even flinch

Anyone ever see planes, trains and automobiles?
the part where John Candy and Steve Martin get a lift off some 'country hicks'. A woman gets out of the truck pulling at her gloves, while her husband says she will put the trunk in the back, because she squeezed her last baby out sideways - 'and she didnt cry or nuttin'??

Peteee

Nightwish wrote:

Anyway its just not worth it IMO

Well I wont depend on you to repopulate the earth then!

Anyhoo, from what I've heard its rather painful

Nightwish

Peteee wrote:

Well I wont depend on you to repopulate the earth then!

as i said earlier, I feel no need to bring a mini me into the world...

simu

Most women get epidurals nowadays so it's not as bad.

But in the olden days it must have been quite frightening!