Childbirth

Pighead

"Bah, you males have absolutely no idea what it feels like, its the most agonising excruciating feeling ever to be felt by anybody ever".

Whats the above an impression of? Yeah you're right its Pighead pretending to be a woman moaning about childbirth. I'm pretty sure though thats its just one of those things that they tell us knowing we can't totally disprove them.
Its like when we tell the ladies that we're making sweet sweet love to them and that of course it feels special.

Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5.

A 1 being somebody flicking the back of your ear and a 10 being somebody ripping your toenail off with a vicescripts and poking about the underneath bit with a cocktail stick.
Another 5 would be somebody bending your finger back really far and keeping it bent for 2 seconds after you started screaming

What pain rating would you give for childbirth and what would you equate it to?

Hugh Hefner

I can't see it being any worse than appendicitis, which I've had. Very painful, but overblown. A 7.

LundiMardi

Pighead wrote:

10 being somebody ripping your toenail off with a vicescripts and poking about the underneath bit with a cocktail stick.

:eek:

ThiiinkPink!

"Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5"

Are you trying to start the mods off on a ban-fest? I'd happily replace 'pig' with something a little less tasteful.

Pighead

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

"Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5"

Are you trying to start the mods off on a ban-fest? I'd happily replace 'pig' with something a little less tasteful.

Just answer the question dollface.
Ah fcuk it Pigheads curious, what would you change the pig to? Does it start with d f or
am I totally off track and its a number you're thinking off?

Rb

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

"Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5"

Are you trying to start the mods off on a ban-fest? I'd happily replace 'pig' with something a little less tasteful.

Whats your other username?

Nightwish

Having never experienced childbirth, and never intending to as I do not think children are worth it and the world does not need a mini me, I would estimate it as being 9.5.

ThiiinkPink!

Pighead wrote:

Just answer the question dollface.

Dont call me dollface.
and as for the feeling, imagine if I were to grab you by the balls (you have no legs or arms to help yourself for good measure) I squeeze them so hard, my hands turn blue, and you cry with agony. then I proceed to pull them away from your body while still squeezing them. how about some nails? yes that might help things along. how about some vinegar into those wounds?

You still dont come close, and the vinegar in the nail wounds are just being stitched up.

Willymuncher

Well having a little human come out of you....I'd give it a 9, it sounds bloody painful.

Pighead

Nightwish wrote:

Having never experienced childbirth, and never intending to as I do not think children are worth it and the world does not need a mini me, I would estimate it as being 9.5.

:eek:
Thats gotta be out of 20 Nightwish. It is isn't it? Surely you can't think its a full 2 points more painful than somebody slamming the kitchen door on your fingers?

ThiiinkPink!

Willymuncher wrote:

Well having a little human come out of you....I'd give it a 9, it sounds bloody painful.

Its off the charts. forget the out of ten or twenty scale.

Nightwish

I have watched childbirth and its quite a big thing coming out of a small space, so I'm sticking with my estimation

ThiiinkPink!

Nightwish wrote:

I have watched childbirth and its quite a big thing coming out of a small space, so I'm sticking with my estimation

I think the one you are looking for is "six inch s**te through a 3 inch pipe"

Hugh Hefner

Yeah, but it just turns through your pelvic bones. It's not like it's poping a giant hole in you. And they wait until you're dialated a good deal anyway.

Also, shouldn't 10 be something more painful, like being burned to death?

tman

a hippy acquaintance of mine once described the beautiful act of childbirth as "like ****ting a melon!"
she's dropped enough sprogs for me to trust her on that one...

think i'd rather give that a pass tbh:p

kazper

having gone through it, i think i can honestly say that i couldnt put it on a scale of one to ten, watched all the videos, went to the classes, but nothing, absolutely nothing prepares you for it.

Nightwish

okaaaay....thanks for being so graphic

LundiMardi

i'd say it's pretty painfull normally, but what about when they have to 'cut you'... down there!!!!! ouch!!!1

ThiiinkPink!

Hugh Hefner wrote:

Yeah, but it just turns through your pelvic bones. It's not like it's poping a giant hole in you. And they wait until you're dialated a good deal anyway.Also, shouldn't 10 be something more painful, like being burned to death?

How infuriating, its not just a matter of waiting till you 10cms dialated. they pain you have to go through during that time is exruciating.
All women are different, but its usually mothers who've had children before that have slightly quicker births. have you ever at least stood outside a labour ward? You wouldnt hear the screams in the best horror movie on the go.

Femelade

yep, i've been through it, i'll give it an 8, it was terrible. i'd give appendicitis a 9 though, only cos u dont come out with the most gorgeous human being afterwards.

Pighead

Hugh Hefner wrote:

Also, shouldn't 10 be something more painful, like being burned to death?

Yeah thats painful alright Hugh but looking at my Pain Evaluation Chart it only registers an 8.5.

Nightwish, your talking big things coming out of small spaces but we're not talking squeezing a grapefruit through a 5 inch in diameter iron bar. The grapefruit would burst. Babies dont burst because the small space widens.
Granted if the small space didnt widen then it would be fair to say that childbirth would be deserving of a 9.5.

ThiiinkPink!

LundiMardi wrote:

i'd say it's pretty painfull normally, but what about when they have to 'cut you'... down there!!!!! ouch!!!1

They help you out there. by giving you an injection to numb the area first. then the cut you up.

Nightwish

the pain lies in the small space widening, and then there are the occasions when the sapce isnt wide enough and they have to cut you. They give pain relief for that however its afterwards that you feel the pain from that procedure.
Anyway its just not worth it IMO

LundiMardi

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

They help you out there. by giving you an injection to numb the area first. then the cut you up.

yeah but it's not always gonna be numb...

Anyway, i don't care anyway.. i'm an almighty man.

SexeeAussie

Having been through it twice AND having a kidney infection (which I rate a 9.5) Childbirth is not even on that scale........ No way known......Try having an episiotomy (a cut down 'there') as well.....not nice. AT ALL.

I'd have my toenails ripped off and not even flinch

Hugh Hefner

Femmy wrote:

yep, i've been through it, i'll give it an 8, it was terrible. i'd give appendicitis a 9 though, only cos u dont come out with the most gorgeous human being afterwards.

*High five!*

Why can't everyone just have a c-section and get along?

LundiMardi

put it this way, i NEVER wanna get kidney stones, so i can imagine how a woman wouldn't wanna go through it...

ThiiinkPink!

SexeeAussie wrote:

Childbirth is not even on that scale.
I'd have my toenails ripped off and not even flinch

Anyone ever see planes, trains and automobiles?
the part where John Candy and Steve Martin get a lift off some 'country hicks'. A woman gets out of the truck pulling at her gloves, while her husband says she will put the trunk in the back, because she squeezed her last baby out sideways - 'and she didnt cry or nuttin'??

Peteee

Nightwish wrote:

Anyway its just not worth it IMO

Well I wont depend on you to repopulate the earth then!

Anyhoo, from what I've heard its rather painful

Nightwish

Peteee wrote:

Well I wont depend on you to repopulate the earth then!

as i said earlier, I feel no need to bring a mini me into the world...

simu

Most women get epidurals nowadays so it's not as bad.

But in the olden days it must have been quite frightening!

ThiiinkPink!

simu wrote:

Most women get epidurals nowadays so it's not as bad.
But in the olden days it must have been quite frightening!

Nope, nowadays they get mummytucks

Font22

childbirth has to b the scariest thing, i can only imagine............eeeeekkk

TheVan

Ah but think of the joy afterwards Font22!

Having said that I'll get the joy and not experience the pain so i guess from that point of view it aint great!

Although think positive girls, remember the joy!
(and also remember we can get gall stones!)

TerrorFirmer

I heard a story once of a young man who dislocated his leg. Somehow a testicle became trapped in a socket, leg was jostled back in, testicle crushed.

Dunno how scientifically viable it is, but it sounds like the most potentially painful thing ever if you are male.

sterculelum

Rumour has it (my male biology teacher), it's like squezzing a marble through your penis.

Amazotheamazing

Why bother wondering? Don't most women get loaded up on drugs beforehand anyway? And if they don't, why don't they, what are they trying to prove? crazy I tells you.

Nevyn

Getting loaded up on drugs is bad for the baby.
The first two stages of labour are the hips cracking backwards and causing the
pubic bone to move upwards, and then the dialation of the cervix and then the fun begins.

Ever get a really really bad cramp in your calf muscle ?
It is sort of like that but it is all your muscles from your sternum to your bum.
All cramping up at the same time just like that calf muscle does.
The epidural does take the edge of the pain but your muscles still ache and
do so for a long time afterwards, takes about 3 days for them to stop being in shock.

It takes about 6 mnht for all the mucles to move back and for the womb to shrink
and move back to were it was and an entire year for the hips, pelvis and lower back to return to were they were before you get pregant.

Want to push your body to extremes for that ultra adreline high try giving birth.

Amazotheamazing

Really, all drugs? Sure heroin can't be great for the kid but I'd have thought panadol would be alright, or something between heroin and panadol?

Kernel32

Amazotheamazing wrote:

Why bother wondering? Don't most women get loaded up on drugs beforehand anyway? And if they don't, why don't they, what are they trying to prove? crazy I tells you.

Some women do and some don't. My missus did it with our first with no pain meds. Why don't they? Well because the pain meds go straight into the baby and the baby can often be drowsy for hours if not days after the birth. There are also issues with the lower half of the body being paralysed and using a drug to force the baby out faster then it should naturally come out. This very often leads to tearing which is painful afterwards and can sometimes lead to further complications down the road. It's a choice you make and I don't think anyone is crazy for choosing meds or not.

As for pain, I think there is more to it that just simple pain. My wife went 5 days with no sleep because of intense contractions before the real labor started which lasted 12 hours. After 3 days with no sleep she broke down and asked for sleeping pills as we had gone to the hospital. She took the pills and the contractions were so intense she still could not sleep. I was there for every minute of my wife giving birth and it was the most intense and amzing thing I have seen. We are due our second in March and she wants to do it medication free again if she can but we realize anything can happen and we have to be prepared for it.

Nevyn

http://www.painfreebirthing.com/english/welcome.htm

if you really want to know more look at the link above,
it even has cartoons for Pighead.

Pighead

Kernel32 could you ask your wife what rating of pain she'd give childbirth and what sort of pain she'd equate it to. Are we talking getting winded by a thump from Tyson in his pomp or are we heading for the old mousetrap slamming shut on your fingers angle?

Pighead

Thaedydal wrote:

http://www.painfreebirthing.com/english/welcome.htm

if you really want to know more look at the link above,
it even has cartoons for Pighead.

You cheeky mare!
You have the cheek to call Pighead a baby! I had to read your post twice to make sure I wasn't seeing things
Miss "Waaaahhhh I had to endure the worstest pain ever to have been experienced by anybody ever and it made me cry for days" calling Pighead a baby
Thaedydal my dear you have over indulged this Christmas buddy. I shall talk to you in the New Year when alls well again.

Sam Vimes

PigHead wrote:

10 being somebody ripping your toenail off with a vicescripts and poking about the underneath bit with a cocktail stick.

a doctor did the first part of that to me. he used what can only be decribed as a pliers. i have one exactly the same in my toolbox. made my ingrown toenail come back ten times worse too.

my p.e. teacher made me play football three days later. i'm glad im not in secondary school anymore

Nevyn

A bit like having a giant mouse trap snaping on your belly for anything from 7 hours to 5 days, it starts like a bit of a stitch and get worse with every contraption but it last for about 30 to 90 seconds each time.

Nevyn

lol ah Pighead lot of people like cartoons it has nothing to do with being a child. :P

Kernel32

Pighead wrote:

Kernel32 could you ask your wife what rating of pain she'd give childbirth and what sort of pain she'd equate it to. Are we talking getting winded by a thump from Tyson in his pomp or are we heading for the old mousetrap slamming shut on your fingers angle?

We were actually talking about it earlier and Thaedydal reply mirrors my wife. Pregnant women are prone to cramping in the legs the further they get into the pregnancy. She nearly got a leg cramp earlier tonight and I mentioned how cramps in the leg are the worst and she was quick to tell me that giving birth is like the worst cramp you could ever get that repeats and gets more intense. I also remember the mid wife referring to the point at which the baby's head crowns as the "ring of fire".

Blackjack

I've read that women have less nerve endings than men, therefore feel less actual pain to the same things.
Unfortunately for us blokes we have to continually listen to women harp on about the pain of Childbirth and how we'll never get to experience it etc etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Well Jeez, sorry I was born with the meat and 2 veg luv, but at least I can piss standing up.

Amazotheamazing

I feel the pain of not being able to feel the pain of childbirth isn't getting enough recognition.

Women don't understand what it's like being a man, if they could feel the pain of our non-pain they might not be so flippant about the pain of childbirth.

LegacyUser

Nightwish wrote:

Having never experienced childbirth, and never intending to as I do not think children are worth it and the world does not need a mini me, I would estimate it as being 9.5.

You haven't experienced it. Your post is worthless.

[edit]
Oh, and you can keep your toenail .. no need for a pliers.

Why are people who have never experienced it posting here?????? That is complete arse biscuits!

Nevyn

Ah but there is a good reason why men don't it is so that they can be the pillar of strength for the woman giving birth to thier child and to be able to help, fetch and carry in the run up to and after the birth.

Dad's to be play a huge role in helping to make expectant Mammys more comfy
and help to ease the aches and be supportive even if it is holding hands and
keeping eye contact.