How do you get rid of feelings for a friend???

py2006

Hi all,

This is kinda similar to a previous thread but this isn't somebody you have just broken up with.

I had and probably still do have feelings for this girl who has become a good friend. We dont see alot of each other these days which helps a little.

We hooked up for coffee yesterday to catch up and I found some of the feelings coming back.

SHe bought me an xmas pressie and I paid for this top she was looking at in a shop and she kissed me on the cheek to say thanks! And my heart popped out of my chest and rolled down my trouser leg.

There was a stage where I thought she may have had some feelings towards me but I came to realise these were unfounded.

Plus she mentioned this guy she had met whom she says is the first guy she has liked since her last relationship. (which made me feel real small at the time)

Anyhoo, I get on really well with her. But its hard not to have feelings for her as she is a beautiful girl and a beautiful person and everything I look for in a girlfriend.

So perhaps time will take care of it but I aint sure. I was beginning to loose a bit of the feelings but it came back yesterday with avengence.

I know if I just stopped being friends with her and not see her again I would eventually loose interest but how can you do that to a friend!

Love is a bitch!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

I don't want to say drugs are the answer, cos I'll probably get banned.. but... well, it's implied.

HappyCrackHead

you'll get over it, if the feeling isnt mutual theres no point to hoping something will happen coz u'll only end up torturing yourself. the worlds a big place, and although terrible cliché, there are WAY more fish in the sea... i just seem to have lost my net...

Riamfada

Happened for me after 7 years and i had the best sex of my life! Hang in there . Never give up. Be all that you can be and keep trying. Wait till your time is right and go for it. Never give up.....

Trust me.. Good Sex

py2006

Grimes wrote:

Happened for me after 7 years and i had the best sex of my life! Hang in there . Never give up. Be all that you can be and keep trying. Wait till your time is right and go for it. Never give up.....

Trust me.. Good Sex

Haha, doubt it!

At the time you know, I really think she did have feelings to a certain extent for me.

um7y1h83ge06nx

py2006 wrote:

Haha, doubt it!

At time you know, I really think she did have feelings to a certain extent for me.

Did you try and tell her how u feel? Could be worth a shot.

Unfortunately if she tells u about potential guys in her life, you seem to be well and truly in the "friends" category in her mind. Then again, maybe I know f**k all!

All in all, life is unpredictable, who knows what may happen in the future!
Keep your chin up!

py2006

Beau Delightful Saboteur wrote:

Did you try and tell her how u feel? Could be worth a shot.

Unfortunately if she tells u about potential guys in her life, you seem to be well and truly in the "friends" category in her mind. Then again, maybe I know f**k all!

All in all, life is unpredictable, who knows what may happen in the future!
Keep your chin up!

Ah yea, I think if I had the guts at an earlier stage something may have happened but I don't think it would have come to more than a kiss as she was really upset over the breakup of a relationship. I became a good friend to her. It was wrong time to make a move.

We are definitely in the friends zone now!

Squirrel

I know exactly what you're going through mate, just a bit younger. It's a bitch alright. If you do tell her, be prepared for the worst, I was and it still hurts like ****. Try and learn to be happy for her, or do what I do, pretend it's all good, I don't really advise this one, it's a killer. Hang in there man

py2006

Yea, I have tried being the super nice friend. I fact I have been and still am. We get on really well, laugh alot together etc.

I just dont cut it in the looks department!

LegacyUser

Ah yes.....

a female friend using you as an emotional crutch in between boyfriends....
we've all been there.

She probably sees you as a brotherly type...
Ask her if she's got an nice single friends for you.
You've obviously endeared yourself to her, and she'll work out if any of her friends are compatible, single and about the same looks level.

Airblazer

Anon1972 wrote:

Ah yes.....

a female friend using you as an emotional crutch in between boyfriends....
we've all been there.

She probably sees you as a brotherly type...
Ask her if she's got an nice single friends for you.
You've obviously endeared yourself to her, and she'll work out if any of her friends are compatible, single and about the same looks level.

nice one...not only does she see that you're on the market but if you treat her friend right (providing you go out with one) that's you up another notch in her estimate...

whacker4fun

py2006 wrote:

Yea, I have tried being the super nice friend. I fact I have been and still am. We get on really well, laugh alot together etc.

I just dont cut it in the looks department!

Have you ever been with this girl?

py2006

whacker4fun wrote:

Have you ever been with this girl?

Never, there may have been the odd opportunity but I couldn't be sure. Didn't want to ruin things!

um7y1h83ge06nx

py2006 wrote:

Never, there may have been the odd opportunity but I couldn't be sure. Didn't want to ruin things!

Life is all about taking chances, sometimes they work , sometimes they don't . And that seems to apply to the opposite sex almost more than anything else.

A great quote here!

"Don't forget to talk to strangers, for by so doing, some have unwittingly entertained angels"

Best of luck!

py2006

Christ! She is coming into town with me in the morning to help me pick out my xmas clothes!

(I don't know which part of that sentence is the worst!)

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

I hope everything works out for you!

I think if you just keep being a good friend to her everything will work out in the end! ... Everything happens for a reason IMO!

py2006

*Oul_Doll_Cork* wrote:

I hope everything works out for you!

I think if you just keep being a good friend to her everything will work out in the end! ... Everything happens for a reason IMO!

Thanks, actually I noticed the other day that I am starting to get over her. I don't think about her as much. I started eyeing up other girls while out with her which is something I never did before! Weird!

BoozyBabe

Well, here's my little bit.

Liked my friend for a very long time.
Got a chance a long time ago but blew it.
Knew he liked me that time, but such a long time had passed that I figured he'd moved on.
Couldn't get the feelings out of my head (we're talking years here) & as one post said:- life's about taking chances, so I did.

We're now going out a few months & are so so happy, & really appreciate each other & our time together as we both thought it was gone forever.

Is it really worth giving up on something that could be SO fantastic, just to save yourself a potential bit of pain? (If you know what I'm trying to say)

I did have a lot of work to do to get where I am, I mean, it took over a year. I put myself out there & prepaired myself for every knock that I was likely to get because I knew it'd be worth it if I succeeded, & you know what, I was right!

(How dull a life would be without risk)

py2006

BoozyBabe wrote:

Well, here's my little bit.

Liked my friend for a very long time.
Got a chance a long time ago but blew it.
Knew he liked me that time, but such a long time had passed that I figured he'd moved on.
Couldn't get the feelings out of my head (we're talking years here) & as one post said:- life's about taking chances, so I did.

We're now going out a few months & are so so happy, & really appreciate each other & our time together as we both thought it was gone forever.

Is it really worth giving up on something that could be SO fantastic, just to save yourself a potential bit of pain? (If you know what I'm trying to say)

I did have a lot of work to do to get where I am, I mean, it took over a year. I put myself out there & prepaired myself for every knock that I was likely to get because I knew it'd be worth it if I succeeded, & you know what, I was right!

(How dull a life would be without risk)

Ah jaysus, don't say that!

BoozyBabe

Dont say what?


Well, put it this way.
Right now you're good friends, & you'd rather be that than nothing.
If your feelings stay as they are, how long can you keep the pretence up for.

Even forgetting that point, she meets someone, falls in love, they hang about together, possibly get married, kids etc, somewhere down the line she will be out of your life, whether it be now because your love is unrequited, or sometime in the future because of lifestyles.

Say in the future your life isn't so rosey, & you still think about her & what might have been if only you'd risked it. (You'd still be in the same position as you then find yourself, but at least you know)
One of the worst things in life are 'what-if's' imo.

What if you were supposed to be her love, her husband, the father of her children, but you never took a risk?

That's all I'm saying. It was because of those fears that I did what I did & I have no regrets, even if I had fallen flat on my face I still wouldn't have regretted knowing that it's not to be & I could allow both of us to move on.

I'm just afraid you're going to leave yourself in limbo because it's 'easiest' for you right now.

py2006

BoozyBabe wrote:

Dont say what?


Well, put it this way.
Right now you're good friends, & you'd rather be that than nothing.
If your feelings stay as they are, how long can you keep the pretence up for.

Even forgetting that point, she meets someone, falls in love, they hang about together, possibly get married, kids etc, somewhere down the line she will be out of your life, whether it be now because your love is unrequited, or sometime in the future because of lifestyles.

Say in the future your life isn't so rosey, & you still think about her & what might have been if only you'd risked it. (You'd still be in the same position as you then find yourself, but at least you know)
One of the worst things in life are 'what-if's' imo.

What if you were supposed to be her love, her husband, the father of her children, but you never took a risk?

That's all I'm saying. It was because of those fears that I did what I did & I have no regrets, even if I had fallen flat on my face I still wouldn't have regretted knowing that it's not to be & I could allow both of us to move on.

I'm just afraid you're going to leave yourself in limbo because it's 'easiest' for you right now.

Well actually, I was out with her today. The last couple times have been a bit weird. I think I actually now know that she doesn't have and never has had feelings for me.

She met a guy recently and she said he is the first guy she feels she likes since the breakup of her last relationship. Which hurt like hell.

I think before she didn't speak much about blokes around me as she knew it would hurt me. (assuming she guessed how I felt for her). But now she talks about blokes etc to me.

Oh well! I thought I was actually fully over her but the sudden realisation, over the passed couple weeks, that I was living in fantasy land is really starting to get me down. She was never interested and still isn't now!

I feel like murdering a puppy!

40crush41

oh no no no no no no no
aye, terrible pain really -i'll tell ya my sad story, it ends alright though haha im 18 though so im a bit of a youngin.. but it kinda fits.

so I liked this guy, good friend who became better as he started dating another girl that im friendly with ..because i kept my mouth shut. still is dating her going on 4 years now and i just got over him a couple of months ago. they do make a nice couple, im happy for them.
wonderful friend though, and i thanked God for that everyday.. but eh... terribly painful whenever he would talk about his girl or see them together, or when i would think he might have an interest in me and id realize i was a real fool. that always sucked
So happy ending.. i saw him recently and it was nice b/c i realized that i didn't like him like that anymore and that he was just an awesome person. how did i get over it? went to college... time, distance and what not and really just really talked myself out of it. difficult as hell, but i mean... 4 years.. heh, come on now.

so, choose ur fate.. i couldn't act b/c he had a gf, obviously he choose her. please for your sake -speak now, or maybe ur gonna have to hold ur peace for a long time. or third option, "just" talk urself out of it.. the idea of asking for one of her friends is nice, heh, actually i tried to do that myself.. but that kid had a chica too... ah well.. tough luck for me.
idk, maybe its not worth the gamble, but geeze.. idk, if ur heart is popping and ur threatening to kill puppies.. u prob like her and should give it a shot. im saying that it ended happy b/c i got over this kid -don't get me wrong, hes an awesome guy and its my loss, i learned my lesson to open my mouth..i would rather have known that there was nothing more that i could have done. bottom line don't miss out on ur girl.
haha.. but with all this being said, don't take my word for it, and do what you deem right -take it into consideration though? hehe Man, i even confuse myself

The best of luck to you, really hope to hear a happy story out of this

40crush41

oop.. sorry .. hmm.. idk if what i said can be taken into consideration if u are absolutely sure that she doesn't have any feelings..
God, what do i know about this stuff?
but im saying .. idk... try her.. you can't push it though i guess... aye.. im thinking out loud for you.. -i just feel bad, b/c its a rough feeling..

happesns to the best of us i suppose.. =/
no se. good luck

pinkybrain

Well usually women end up with as$holes, and not the friend type trying hard to impress her.
And you usually end up in a big relationship without really trying.

If she sees you with another woman, she could get jealous.
You could try and go on a date with another woman, and meet up with your friend at some stage of the night, never know what it might stir.

It will be more sucessful than picking out a pair of shoes for her next time you go shopping, or, maybe not, women are damn strange.

Good luck!!

LegacyUser

I'm in a similiar situation, I'm mad about this guy I met last year. We really connected but we've never been anything more than friends. Now because of circumstances beyond my control, I've gone from seeing him a few times a week to only once every six weeks or so. My feelings for him have not gone away AT ALL. I think I'll be seeing him over the next couple of weeks and I'm toying with the idea of telling him. I know he sees me as a good friend but I think that is all. It breaks my heart. Sigh

py2006

hi guys,

Not sure if your still around or reading this but thought I would add a little more.

I was out with the girl on Friday night. Its amazing how well we get on with each other and how she mantains eye contact with me and smiles when we speak.

I don't and never have got on as well with a girl than I do her. Normally I am shy and awkward around the hunnies but with her its different.

Anyway, she mentioned a conversation we had a few weeks ago where I asked her what she looks for in a boyfriend.

She said "I forgot to add to that, that I look for a guy who understands me and who I get on really well with". Now that is totally me!!!! As I have been very understanding and sympathetic with her over a recent split with a boyfriend I get on amazingly well with her!

She said it and I kinda blushed and looked to the ground and she giggled at me!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Since then I can't stop thinking about her again. I thought I was finally getting rid of them feelings!

Its almost as if she was saying it for me to "hear", if you get me!

But this can't be so as she mentioned that she has a date next sat with a guy she really likes!

My head is melted!

What fecker invented women?

jrey1981

I have some humble advice for you, as I have been in your shoes. I have been on that high and at the very bottom of the emotional roller-coaster.

Believe me the low point is not a nice place to be.

She has said that she values understanding and getting on well with someone. You have taken the time to get to know her, spend time with her and enjoy her companionship.

To put yourself ahead of the competition - and here I am going to assume you know what her interests are, and maybe what her ambitions are - you have got to make some gesture that shows how much you value her, how much she means to you, and that you see something in her that no-one else sees.

Take the time to think about a gift you could get her that might encourage her or inspire her. Or take her to some romantic setting and get a bit closer for a cuddle. Just do something to go out of your way a bit and go the extra mile.

In the situation I was in I recognised this all too late. I had a few chances to tell the girl how I felt - but I was in such a daze most of the time, due to nerves, adrenalin, and the "high" of being with the girl, that I did not know what the hell to do.

Whatever you do dont end up with regrets and dont miss your chance.

Hope this might help you and good luck.

rrrrr

jrey1981 wrote:

I have some humble advice for you, as I have been in your shoes. I have been on that high and at the very bottom of the emotional roller-coaster.

Believe me the low point is not a nice place to be.

She has said that she values understanding and getting on well with someone. You have taken the time to get to know her, spend time with her and enjoy her companionship.

To put yourself ahead of the competition - and here I am going to assume you know what her interests are, and maybe what her ambitions are - you have got to make some gesture that shows how much you value her, how much she means to you, and that you see something in her that no-one else sees.

Take the time to think about a gift you could get her that might encourage her or inspire her. Or take her to some romantic setting and get a bit closer for a cuddle. Just do something to go out of your way a bit and go the extra mile.

In the situation I was in I recognised this all too late. I had a few chances to tell the girl how I felt - but I was in such a daze most of the time, due to nerves, adrenalin, and the "high" of being with the girl, that I did not know what the hell to do.

Whatever you do dont end up with regrets and dont miss your chance.

Hope this might help you and good luck.

Oh. My. God.

rrrrr

py2006 wrote:

hi guys,

Not sure if your still around or reading this but thought I would add a little more.

I was out with the girl on Friday night. Its amazing how well we get on with each other and how she mantains eye contact with me and smiles when we speak.

I don't and never have got on as well with a girl than I do her. Normally I am shy and awkward around the hunnies but with her its different.

Anyway, she mentioned a conversation we had a few weeks ago where I asked her what she looks for in a boyfriend.

She said "I forgot to add to that, that I look for a guy who understands me and who I get on really well with". Now that is totally me!!!! As I have been very understanding and sympathetic with her over a recent split with a boyfriend I get on amazingly well with her!

She said it and I kinda blushed and looked to the ground and she giggled at me!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Since then I can't stop thinking about her again. I thought I was finally getting rid of them feelings!

Its almost as if she was saying it for me to "hear", if you get me!

But this can't be so as she mentioned that she has a date next sat with a guy she really likes!

My head is melted!

What fecker invented women?

1. This girl isn't interested in you at all. You actually know this deep down but you hold on to your pitiful hopes.

2. Grow some BALLS and get out there and meet OTHER, BETTER women. Otherwise, you might as well just keep pining over this one and never get her. You are TWENTY EIGHT years old and you are behaving like a schoolboy. Get a hold of yourself and stop behaving like such an emotional tampon for this *****

BoozyBabe

rrrrr wrote:

1. This girl isn't interested in you at all.

We don't know him or this girl, so we don't know that she doesn't like him, she might not like him the way he wants, but she might!!!

The most important part of a relationship is that your best friends, find it easy to talk to each other, are there for each other, are really comfortable around each other.

PY2006 already has all of this with this girl, but that's all he'll ever have with her if he doens't do something. I mean, even if he makes a move, it might be all he has with her, but he might have more.

Maybe she's mentioning other dates to make him jealous, or to whip him into action, who knows, but the OP is not going to know unless he puts himself out there.

OP, if you're happy to remain only as friends forever more & never to know if there could have been something between you or not, then stay as you are, but if that sounds like Hell on Earth to you, then you have to tell her.

If you're such good friends, & she doesn't feel the same, then provided you can move on & remain her friend then you've actually lost nothing.

You blushed & looked to the ground & she giggled!!! She already knows you like her & she still hangs around with you. Either she likes you or she's fcuking with your mind & isn't a real friend at all.

Like I said before, if you say nothing, she gets with a guy, the only way for you to remain her friend is to hang out with both of them. It would kill me to watch them being all couply if I was in your shoes & I'm sure you'd feel the same, plus you'd be spending an awful lot less time with her then anyway.

I think you've nothing to lose, except your sanity if you remain the same, so give it a shot

Like I said, been there, done that & am one very very very happy bunny for doing so!

alfa147

U need to tell her before she meets that other guy.. she'll listen to u aswell.

u never know unless u give it a shot, if she shoots u down then u can ditch her for good and move on.

py2006

alfa147 wrote:

U need to tell her before she meets that other guy.. she'll listen to u aswell.

u never know unless u give it a shot, if she shoots u down then u can ditch her for good and move on.

Yea, it would be great if I could get her out for a few drinks. A bit of dutch courage etc etc.

But anytime we go for a drink its usually only for one or two!

I know at 28, I shouldn't need drink to tell a girl how I feel but my confidence has been shattered in this area and its been a while since I have had a feelings for a girl!

py2006

rrrrr wrote:

1. This girl isn't interested in you at all. You actually know this deep down but you hold on to your pitiful hopes.

2. Grow some BALLS and get out there and meet OTHER, BETTER women. Otherwise, you might as well just keep pining over this one and never get her. You are TWENTY EIGHT years old and you are behaving like a schoolboy. Get a hold of yourself and stop behaving like such an emotional tampon for this *****

Thats really no help at all!

jrey1981

rrrrr wrote:

Oh. My. God.

And your point is?

Dont bother saying anything if you cant give the OP constructive advice.

Faith

I'be been on both sides of this situation and no matter what you do, it's impossible to predict how it will turn out. When I finally plucked up the courage to tell my friend who I was in love with that I liked him (I was plastered but anyway), he told me that he felt the same way. However, I told him at my going away party and though we tried to make it work, the distance was too much when we hadn't been going out before it and we broke up. But it can work out very well when you tell the friend how you feel.

HOWEVER, when a friend of mine who I get on excellently with made it perfectly clear that he liked me, I just did my best to ignore it. I'm really not interested in him and it does cause an occasional tense moment and I try to avoid the topic of love and sex around him now, but we're still great friends.

I think the best thing you can do is just tell her. As I'm proof of, if she doesn't return the feelings, it won't necessarily ruin your friendship. It sounds like she does know, tbh. And if she likes you back, fantastic.

Gary ITR

This is simple... The girl obviously likes you. You need to bite bullet and tell her how you feel. I was in the same boat myself and ended up in a great relationship that lasted four years. We only split cos she had to move to London for her job.

And if she turns you down I'll kill her for €40 and dispose of the body for an extra tenner:D

py2006

Onkle51 wrote:

This is simple... The girl obviously likes you. You need to bite bullet and tell her how you feel. I was in the same boat myself and ended up in a great relationship that lasted four years. We only split cos she had to move to London for her job.

And if she turns you down I'll kill her for €40 and dispose of the body for an extra tenner:D

Haha, that wont be necessary but I will keep you in mind for other girls that turn me down

Gary ITR

Seriously though just bite bullet and tell her how you feel

py2006

Yea, but thats easier said than done! I do believe it will come out eventually over a few drinks!
But there is that obvious fear of ruining the friendship. And that may not be from her end. I could find it hard to be as enthusiastic about the friendship when I know nothing will ever happen. I am not sure though!

BoozyBabe

py2006 wrote:

Yea, but thats easier said than done! I do believe it will come out eventually over a few drinks!
But there is that obvious fear of ruining the friendship. And that may not be from her end. I could find it hard to be as enthusiastic about the friendship when I know nothing will ever happen. I am not sure though!

Yes, it is easier said tha done, but it HAS to be done, & there is a lot of evidence from boardsters in this thread that it can work if you give it a go, or it's not the end of the world or friendship is it doesn't work out.

All this faffing around you're doing is getting you nowhere & time is running out. She's not going to be available forever & if you don't act now you may never get your chance again.

So, get over it & get on with it for your sanitys sake & good luck

py2006

BoozyBabe wrote:

Yes, it is easier said tha done, but it HAS to be done, & there is a lot of evidence from boardsters in this thread that it can work if you give it a go, or it's not the end of the world or friendship is it doesn't work out.

All this faffing around you're doing is getting you nowhere & time is running out. She's not going to be available forever & if you don't act now you may never get your chance again.

So, get over it & get on with it for your sanitys sake & good luck

I know, I know! She has a date coming up this weekend anyway! I am best prob saying nothing to be honest. I will get over it.

Its kinda cool having her as a mate. I don't have many "girl" friends at the moment, none that would see as often as herself anyway!

py2006

Besides, the point of this thread was to seek advice on how to LOOSE feelings for a friend not work on how you can get her in the sack!!!!!

I need to stop having these feelings.

I used to just love mash potatoe and white chocolate mice!!!

It recks my head that I could love a woman!

jrey1981

There is no magic formula. All I can suggest is try to occupy your mind and meet other women. In time (months, probably) you will gradually notice the feelings are less intense.

Even then these will most likely only partially help you to stop thinking about her.

hotpotatoes

Are you tall and broad with blond dreadlocks?
If so i can prob help you ....

just kidding!

py2006

hotpotatoes wrote:

Are you tall and broad with blond dreadlocks?
If so i can prob help you ....

just kidding!

Afraid not, am a typical Irish bloke. Short, stocky, ugly! (slight exaggeration, average in all departments)

LegacyUser

I was madly in love with a girl in my course for 3 years of Coll and I lived with her for a while too (really bad idea), she told me that she liked me for ages too and I was over joyed.

It was really awkward cos I was with someone then she was with someone and by the time I told her that I really liked her she was with a guy . So my tough I guess. I couldn't be just her friend anymore, I couldn't just hang around with her and not feel that i'd mess up her head and relationship with said guy.

I started being really bad tempered with her on purpose and being a complete d*ckhead so that I could forget about the whole thing and not feel the burden of being her friend, over time I am sure that I ruined myself in her eyes. I really distanced myself from her

Even to this day every time I see her I still get the old feelings back. I do still think about her every now and then and think what if.

I am telling you this so listen up. TELL HER!!!!!!!!

if she turns you down at least you can put it behind you. Do not stay friends with her if you are in love with her it will rip you to pieces and destroy any chance of a relationship you have got with another woman, you will not be able to comitt 100% to it. Other people will say no stay her friend blah blah blah, don't listen to them. That girl who said it worked for her, ask the guy if he still loves her and I'd bet he says yes and it tortures him to be around her but not with her.

If I hear another reply from you saying its hard and that its tough to tell her, I will find you scrub you with a power sander and dip you in salt. Grow a pair and just do it. if it doesn't work walk away. Its simple. you are the one making it difficult.

Vegeta

Just do it I missed my chance, if it doesn't work out distance yourself from her though.

paulmartin

py2006 wrote:

Anyway, she mentioned a conversation we had a few weeks ago where I asked her what she looks for in a boyfriend.

She said "I forgot to add to that, that I look for a guy who understands me and who I get on really well with". Now that is totally me!!!! As I have been very understanding and sympathetic with her over a recent split with a boyfriend I get on amazingly well with her!

She said it and I kinda blushed and looked to the ground and she giggled at me!!!

Well, this was obviously a hint at you (especially as she brought the conversation up so suddenly) and even if it wasn't she had to expect you to see a link, so that was your chance to say something. If sometimes like that happens again where she hints at you, just ask in a joking but confident kinda way "are you talking about me", see how she responds and take it from there. Blushing was the worst thing you could have done.

But don't wait until then. Next time you see her just say remember that conversation we had about what you want in a boyfriend and then say you know "you were talking about me." Make eye contact and say it confidently so it doesn't seem like your being hopeful and your not coming onto her directly.

Also don't keep bringing up how ugly you think you are. I have a feeling any lack of interest in you from her has much more to with confidence than looks. Confidence is far and away the most attractive thing a woman finds in a man (much more than sensitivity, understanding and even looks). We all know of women who go out with assholes. Its because there confident and dominant people, and some women (not neccassarily the one this thread is about) would be attracted to a prick with confidence than a nice guy without it. So don't act like an emotional tampon to her. Live your own life and don't make it seem like your living your life around her, otherwise she won't want to be a part of your life other than as a friend who listens to all her problems.

Also a couple of drinks might not be enough to give you confidence but it can always give you an excuse if it make things uncomfortable.

Incidentally the biggest deal about rejection for you is about the possibililty of losing her friendship. I think thats just an excuse. The main reason you hang around with her is because everytime you see her you hope something will happen, so although you like her the friendship is not a big deal. Plus if she does hook up with someone else your not gonna want to see the two together anyway.

Incidentally, i disagree with jrey1981. A big massive romantic gesture will only increase the pain of rejection and make it even more uncomfortable for both of you in the future. You probably wouldn't have the confidence for that anyway. Instead try a subtle gesture like the one i mentioned above, just asking whether you fit the description of what she said she wants in a boyfriend.

If she explains she doesn't see you in that way or makes the excuse that she doesn't want to lose you as a friend, then you can just say you were just curious and then change the subject. Of course she will know what you really meant but it should make the whole thing easier afterwards.

If, on the other hand she leaves any possibility of something happening (such as saying "maybe") then she wants you to move in and it will be much easier after that. She has to expect it after doing what you described in the quote above. In a similar situation my self at one point but girl just didn't want a boyfriend at all that time. Still i learned a lot. Anyway, good luck.

py2006

paulmartin wrote:

Well, this was obviously a hint at you (especially as she brought the conversation up so suddenly) and even if it wasn't she had to expect you to see a link, so that was your chance to say something. If sometimes like that happens again where she hints at you, just ask in a joking but confident kinda way "are you talking about me", see how she responds and take it from there. Blushing was the worst thing you could have done.

But don't wait until then. Next time you see her just say remember that conversation we had about what you want in a boyfriend and then say you know "you were talking about me." Make eye contact and say it confidently so it doesn't seem like your being hopeful and your not coming onto her directly.

Also don't keep bringing up how ugly you think you are. I have a feeling any lack of interest in you from her has much more to with confidence than looks. Confidence is far and away the most attractive thing a woman finds in a man (much more than sensitivity, understanding and even looks). We all know of women who go out with assholes. Its because there confident and dominant people, and some women (not neccassarily the one this thread is about) would be attracted to a prick with confidence than a nice guy without it. So don't act like an emotional tampon to her. Live your own life and don't make it seem like your living your life around her, otherwise she won't want to be a part of your life other than as a friend who listens to all her problems.

Also a couple of drinks might not be enough to give you confidence but it can always give you an excuse if it make things uncomfortable.

Incidentally the biggest deal about rejection for you is about the possibililty of losing her friendship. I think thats just an excuse. The main reason you hang around with her is because everytime you see her you hope something will happen, so although you like her the friendship is not a big deal. Plus if she does hook up with someone else your not gonna want to see the two together anyway.

Incidentally, i disagree with jrey1981. A big massive romantic gesture will only increase the pain of rejection and make it even more uncomfortable for both of you in the future. You probably wouldn't have the confidence for that anyway. Instead try a subtle gesture like the one i mentioned above, just asking whether you fit the description of what she said she wants in a boyfriend.

If she explains she doesn't see you in that way or makes the excuse that she doesn't want to lose you as a friend, then you can just say you were just curious and then change the subject. Of course she will know what you really meant but it should make the whole thing easier afterwards.

If, on the other hand she leaves any possibility of something happening (such as saying "maybe") then she wants you to move in and it will be much easier after that. She has to expect it after doing what you described in the quote above. In a similar situation my self at one point but girl just didn't want a boyfriend at all that time. Still i learned a lot. Anyway, good luck.

You know your so right! Although I can't be certain that part of the converstation was brought up and aimed at me. It could be just wishful thinking on my part.

But thanks for your input, makes alot of sense!

There seems to be alot of sensible people here on the boards. Its really cool!

LegacyUser

Classic " horns of a dilemma " stuff.

You are torturing yourself. If she is a friend you should be able to say out straight what is in your mind.

She can only say no. If so, you know clearly where you are and the tension is removed. Alternatively, you might get a pleasant shock. Just do it.

A bit of judgment required however. If she is still parachuting to earth after ejection from the previous relationship she may be vulnerable and her judgment might be a bit impaired. Be careful not to leave yourself open to being accused of trying to exploit her vulnerability as that really kills relationships.

As regards your original question the answer is that you don't get rid of feelings for a friend. How can you decide to do that until you resolve your present impasse first ?

However, if you decide to enter "forget" mode do it by NOT making concious efforts to forget as that only reinforces what you are trying to jettison. You simply get on with everything else and time will push the present priority into the realms of historical irrelevance.

nobodythere

Anon1972 wrote:

a female friend using you as an emotional crutch in between boyfriends.... we've all been there.

Aye aye women will be bitches. The whole friend/potential boyfriend is established when you first meet someone. If you're friendly towards a girl for too long she'll find it hard to see you as anything else, even if your friendliness is just shyness on your part to make a move or show interest. Though sometimes you can just be bored and desperate for a girlie so you feign an interest ... yeah yeah he who has not sinned etc etc, guyus will be bastards women will be bitches.

But if you really do have feelings for her, it will kill you slowly.

Sorry I just gave you absolutely no advice at all