Breast feeding

elexes

My gf is thinking of not breast feeding our baby when it arrives . now usually I don’t think of any of these things as she knows best but considering ive been hearing the everyone say its much better to breast feed i want to know why someone would not do it compaired to do it

Im just wondering what the benefits of each ( breast feeding and formula )or is there any reason to not do it ? why would she think not to do it ?

Anyone got any good links that could explain to me what each would do


never mind just read charter found a link in there will read that .
but if anyone has any other info that would help me understand both pls reply

Nevyn

Yes it is best for baby but it has to good for Mammy too.

It can be hard to start off and it has to start not long after the birth and can be a little sore.
Boots do nipple shields that are great for preventing cracked nipples and make the process a little easier.

Breast feeding can take a lot out of a new mammy and if she is going on or is on medication it is not recamended.

There is always the option of breast pump if it is the process or having the baby latched on that is off putting
that way Dad gets a chance to feed the baby too but it is more inefficent then feeding directly.

Breast fed babies are less likely to get colic, and the don't need winding and don't sick up like bottle feed babies.

But end of the Day it is up to the mammy it is after all her mammories,
It is not a big deal to give it a try the nurse staff are usually wonderfull
and will be fully supportive and they usually have a midwife on call to give a hand with getting a hang of it
but if it doesn't work out then there is the bottle.

samanthacarter

You should respect the decision of your girlfriend. if she doesn't want to do it, don't try to convince her. When I was pregnant, I clearly stated to my husband that I would not breastfeed because I did not feel confortable with the idea, it was and still not for me despite all the documentation he provide for me to try to make me change my mind. My son is a healthy 2 years old now much loved and cared for, I did bond with him straight away despite not breastfeeding him and the bottle are so much handier than a breat, more expensive true but so handy.

Kernel32

My wife breastfeed. There are all the obvious benefits when it comes to health, not only as a child but later on in life. It's pretty amazing really, the mothers body is able to change the "mix" in the breast milk based on receptors on the nipples that tell the body what nutrients the baby needs from day to day.

There is also a practical element. My wife did also pump after 6 or 8 weeks which allowed me to feed the baby. But I was amazed at how much work there is involved with bottles when we visited our in-laws who did not breastfeed. There's sterilizing and cleaning and heating and all that. We didn't have to deal with much of that, even with pumped milk you don't have to do as much sterilizing as you do with formula.

At the end of the day its a choice. My wife didn't return to work which is a choice we made and something we spent months planning on and building up a reserve of cash to handle. It was also difficult to start with and we reached a point early on through exhaustion where we looking for the bottles and formula we had been given as free samples. I will never forget that particular incident because it was 3am and the baby wouldn't latch on and we were terrified he was starving to death. We managed to make it through that and he didn't starve to death after all.

Raiser

Anyone that doesn't want to give their baby the best possible start for a healthy life despite having the required equipment with them at all times since puberty and having no good reason in the world not to at least make a decent attempt is [at best] ignorant of the facts or else [most likely] a moron {in my opinion}

It aint easy and it doesn't work out for everyone - but I think there is a resonsibility to try. Otherwise you may as well be similarily half arsed about it and drink/smoke/[skydive] or whatever else suits you nicely - These are, after all, other choices that can be made by an expectant mother which will have a negative bearing on her childs future......

Oryx

Raiser wrote:

Anyone that doesn't want to give their baby the best possible start for a healthy life despite having the required equipment with them at all times since puberty and having no good reason in the world not to at least make a decent attempt is [at best] ignorant of the facts or else [most likely] a moron {in my opinion}

It aint easy and it doesn't work out for everyone - but I think there is a resonsibility to try. Otherwise you may as well be similarily half arsed about it and drink/smoke/[skydive] or whatever else suits you nicely - These are, after all, other choices that can be made by an expectant mother which will have a negative bearing on her childs future......

I didnt breastfeed (or even try). I had my reasons. I am not a moron and was in full possession of the facts. Sometimes it just doesnt work out. I used to skydive, but not since I had kids.;) my kids are healthy and I think Im doing the best I can for them. As someone who couldnt/wouldnt breastfeed, comments like yours are hurtful, and a little ignorant. Its not for everybody and sometimes for the sake of the non lactating mammies you need to accept that.[/end of rant]

deisemum

At the end of the day it's your gf's decision and it must be respected. You can only encourage her to try but don't coerce her. The resentment could come back to haunt you especially with erratic hormones. You want her to have a positive introduction to motherhood and not leave her with negitive feelings.

However I do think it's sad that she's not even going to try. Is is because she comes from a family where she hasn't seen anyone nurse their baby? If she hasn't been in an environement or knows anyone who has breastfed then it is understandable if she's reluctant, you do hear some weird and unpleasant stories about bfing. At the ante-natal classes the midwives normally encourage bf.

When I had my eldest in London where bf rates are much higher my attitude was I'll try it and if it doesn't work then it's formula. However with a bit of perserverence it worked and once established I was surprised at how enjoyable it was. He was bf for 6 months until I went back to work, my 2nd until he was 15mths.

The eldest who's 10 has only ever had antibiotics about 3 - 4 times and the 8 yr old has only had them once when he was 4 for a dental abscess.

One common thing that is often mentioned is that with bottle feeding someone else can feed the baby, however studies had shown that for bottlefed babies 86% of the time the mother is left feeding the baby anyway.

Remember Happy Mammy = Happy Baby or Happy Family

luckat

Nobody's business but her own. Stand well back.

Soledad

Surely the dad should be allowed some imput into how his baby is fed.
Of course in the end it is the woman's decison but I think it is imperative that he at least is allowed an opinion.
BF isn't for everyone.
I managed with my first but not myu second.
My husband was all for me bf but accepted my decision when I made it.
But I think you should at least be allowed to voice an opinion and make your feelings known.
try not to preach or ram the facts down her throat as many pro-bf will do but make her aware that you would like her to at least read up on BF and make an informed decision.
When it works it is brilliant but when it doesn't it can leave a mother feeling bad.

luckat

If the dad wants to breastfeed he's welcome to. What a woman does with her own breasts is her own business.

elexes

luckat wrote:

If the dad wants to breastfeed he's welcome to. What a woman does with her own breasts is her own business.

you know if i could i would just because no where ive yet seen has told me a benifit of using formula over bf . not one place

its very easy to tell the dads to **** off its not your decision and you shouldnt care anyways .

Nevyn

Hands down if you compare formula to breast milk, breast milk is better for the baby in everyway.
Yes the child will be perfectly well nourished on formula but
there are thing that breast milk do for mother and baby that forumla will never have.

But if you have not grown up with the idea of breastfeeding it will seem odd and unnatural.
It can seem daunting and that after having to gestate a child for 9 mnths and have your body taken
over your expected to then have your body taken over with producing milk like a cow for it.

No I am not projecting, I had all these toughts myself when I was expecting my first child.

Plus breast feeding can hurt at first and there are cracked nipples and engorged breasts and them leaking and waking up to a puddle in the bed and
your breasts hurting when the baby or any baby cries once they are starting to get full. Having to wear a nursing bra night and day for the support
and having to watch your diet so that you don't upset the babies digestive system and keep your intake of liquids and milk up yourself.
Producing milk can be damn tiring and feeding the baby every few hours.

Breast milk does not come in a carton, there are no wet nurses to be hired
so if a mother to be is not or will be not comfortible breatfeeding then we are lucky that there is formular
Babies have to learn how to latch on and breastfeed properly and new mothers have to learn how to breast feed thier babies.
There is no little line on a breast showing how much the baby has drunk and if it needs more.
One of mine would have to be woken up as they would fall asleep after taking the hunger feeling off.

If a mother is stressed or upset then it can be damn near impossible for her to breast feed as the baby picks up on it. This can also affect the ammount of milk that is produced.

I do think that breast is best, but the cost and effect on the mother has to be considered.
I do think it would be great if more women would choose to breastfeed or to attempt to breastfeed and see how it goes.
But giving birth can be tramatic and scarey enough esp for a healthy first time mother with out this also hanging over thier heads.

noby

Great post, Thaedydal.

I don't want to sound like I'm having a go at anyone, either here or elsewhere, but, while conceeding it's ultimatley the mother's choice, it can be frustrating for the father when BF is ruled out point blank without any obvious reason. Sometimes it's as if there's some sort of stigma attached to it.

My wife BF both our kids. The first didn't start off so well, but she kept it up for a few weeks, the second time went much better, and she was happy she gave it another go.
Each time we bought all the formulae, bottles etc., so the option was there to stop whenever it didn't feel good anymore.

Sleipnir

Breast feeding is best for the baby.
Bottle-feeding is best for the parents.

There is no question that breast-feeding is the best way to go. If people decide not to then I think it's for selfish reasons e.g. the baby sleeps better (so I do too!)

It amazes me that after a million years of evolution, we still think a corporation's product is the way to go.

Don't forget that bottled product has only been around for about 70 years so how do you think the human race managed for the previous 999,930 years? Breast-feeding!
It's been normal that long but we've been brain-washed into thinking it's not acceptable.

Peace

I know we're not taking votes here but mine would be for BF, definately. Luckily my partner agrees with me. (We don't have any kids yet).

Don't forget that brest pump & bottle gives the father more of a chance to bond with the baby also. I wouldn't like to end up with the baby completely imprinted on the mother so when the baby is upset its only mummy that can calm baby down & put baby to bed etc etc.

elexes - i'm sure easons have plenty of baby books that would help you & gf understand more. I hope everything goes smoothly for you guys.

Soledad

luckat wrote:

If the dad wants to breastfeed he's welcome to. What a woman does with her own breasts is her own business.

I think if you have that sort of attitude towards the father of your baby you should question your relationship.
Of course it is ultimately the mother's decision but saying the father should have no imput is just plain ignorance.
That baby will belong as much to his/her father as to his/her mother and it is good to see a soon to be father taking an interest in his baby's health.

luckat

Soledad wrote:

I think if you have that sort of attitude towards the father of your baby you should question your relationship.
Of course it is ultimately the mother's decision but saying the father should have no imput is just plain ignorance.
That baby will belong as much to his/her father as to his/her mother and it is good to see a soon to be father taking an interest in his baby's health.

No. A father is responsible for *his own* relationship with his children. He's responsible for whatever work *he* puts into the children. He's not entitled to nag a woman about what she should do.

Mia belle

I think all you can do is support your partner on whatever decision she makes, there are some good groups available through the hospital who will help her if she decides to try breastfeeding, also she will be given help when she gives birth. All the research shows breast milk is better for babies, but also remember, bottle fed babies do very well to. Both my daughters are adopted so therefore bottle fed, I don't feel they have missed out on anything, very best of luck, babs will do fine whatever you decide.

luckat

I think the important question here is not so much whether 'Breast is Best', but the borders in relationship between parents and also between parents and children.

Whatever a woman's decision, if she's feeling pressured by her partner, it is not going to make for a happy relationship between her and her child - or between her and her partner, however she fakes it.

Limits and borders are important in families, and they're often forgotten until they're necessary.

Khannie

luckat wrote:

No. A father is responsible for *his own* relationship with his children. He's responsible for whatever work *he* puts into the children. He's not entitled to nag a woman about what she should do.

He's also responsible for *his own* childs health. Do you think a father should stand by and watch a mother smoke during pregnancy too? What about taking drugs?

Breast feeding is clearly beneficial to the child. Why shouldn't the father want his partner to do this? Why shouldn't he push for what's best for his child? I'm not saying that he should be agressive in his attempts to make his partner breast feed (i.e. nagging), but I don't see anything wrong with trying to guide her decision towards what's best for the baby.

Soledad

There is obviously more to parenting a child than choosing the best method to feed him/her but saying a father should not have any imput into how or what his new baby is fed is simply ridiculous.
Surely most decisons should be jointly made.
Maybe Elexes's girlfriend has a genuine reason for not wanting to breastfeed but to say that he should not be able to discuss the pros and cons and find out her reasons why is silly.
It is like any decison which affects the baby both parents should be entitled to a say.

luckat

I don't know that the analogy between smoking/drugtaking and breastfeeding or not is apposite.

But since you ask... well, I don't honestly see that it's a man's responsibility - or right - to nag his partner into stopping smoking or drugtaking because she's the vessel that's carrying his child.

Perhaps he should choose a mother for his children who won't smoke or take drugs!

As for breastfeeding... well, let's get down to the nitty-gritty here. Some women just don't like it. And if you're doing something that disgusts you, you're going to be producing lots of stress hormones that go straight into the baby.

If you've had a pregnancy filled with the constant whine of your partner pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, you're going to be chock-full of stress hormones too, and so is the baby.

elexes

where in my post did you come up with that 1 i had discussed the bf with my gf yet ? and 2 that i nag her about it ?

i think your opinion on men in families is very bad tbh if you think the issue of bf is nothing to do with the father of the child

Peace

luckat wrote:

As for breastfeeding... well, let's get down to the nitty-gritty here. Some women just don't like it. And if you're doing something that disgusts you, you're going to be producing lots of stress hormones that go straight into the baby.

If you've had a pregnancy filled with the constant whine of your partner pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, you're going to be chock-full of stress hormones too, and so is the baby.

Discussion is not 'nagging' and you should stop calling it that.

Also your stance that the father of the child should have little or no say in a decision that may directly affect the childs start in life is nuts...

Sleipnir

luckat wrote:

you're going to be producing lots of stress hormones that go straight into the baby.

Please show me research on these 'stress hormones' caused by nagging and how they effect the unborn?!!?


Some women "don't like it" because they've been brainwashed into thinking it's not "proper". It *should* be done and it should be normal to do so. That's what we should all be fighting against.

A quick analogy;

Ever see a photogragh from the 30's where all the men and women are dressed in the finest evening wear? The like of which it's next to impossible to get now?
All smiling, laughing and dancing without a care in the world?

They all stank of B.O. Every last one of them but was anybody holding there noses? No, because everyone smelled the same, NOBODY NOTICED BECAUSE IT WAS NORMAL!

Then, there was a fabulous new product called "deodorant" which made you smell better. They told everyone that they smelled terrible, that it wasn't acceptable and they should buy their deodorant.
The entire populace didn't decide themselves, all of a sudden, that this was a bad smell, they were brainwashed into thinking there was something wrong with them and this product would make it better.

Same deal we got from the baby formula manufacturers.

Nevyn

Different people have different ideas and views on this and on the rolea that they see for them sleves and thier co parents.

Really your ment to be grown ups don't make me use the mammy voice and
quote the the charter to the lot of ye.

It is nice to see that elexes is reseaching what is best for his expectant child
and I hope that all goes well and that he is as involved when the child arrives.
Ah the changing of the first few nappies is a rite of passage for every parent.

luckat wrote:

I think the important question here is not so much whether 'Breast is Best', but the borders in relationship between parents and also between parents and children.

This thread is about breastfeeding.
In any relationships when there are changes the rules change.
Becoming parents raises all sorts of issues that most people may not have
even dreamed about discussing with thier long term partner.
With the the due date looming both parents can get anxious and worry about what happens next as they are going into the unknown.
But knowing that and not stressing each other out and talking to other people
and getting them to support you and talk about issues is a good idea that
way you don't freak out the other parent to be and can be as supportive as possible.

There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child, I'd say the same for parents.
Part of being a comminuty is that we do talk and share experinces that can
help each other as our lives change and really becoming utterly responsible
for a whole brand new person is as about as big as it gets.
But many people over many years have managed it with some help and adivse from those in thier villages/communities/family.

Wanting what is best for our children is something all parents share.

Soledad

luckat wrote:

I don't know that the analogy between smoking/drugtaking and breastfeeding or not is apposite.

But since you ask... well, I don't honestly see that it's a man's responsibility - or right - to nag his partner into stopping smoking or drugtaking because she's the vessel that's carrying his child.

Perhaps he should choose a mother for his children who won't smoke or take drugs!

As for breastfeeding... well, let's get down to the nitty-gritty here. Some women just don't like it. And if you're doing something that disgusts you, you're going to be producing lots of stress hormones that go straight into the baby.

If you've had a pregnancy filled with the constant whine of your partner pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, you're going to be chock-full of stress hormones too, and so is the baby.

Why not dispense with the father altogether and just go to a sperm bank!

Nevyn

Soledad

really is a very offensive thing to say.
Consider yourself warned another such out burst will see you temp banned from this forum.

Read the charter
Thaedydal

Sleipnir

What's offensive? Just because you don't agree with him doesn't mean it's 'offensive'

Luckat is saying the father has zero input into the feeding of his child during the most important stage of his early development.
I for one also disagree with that.

Nevyn

Yes but she didnt say that she didnt attck the post but the poster.

Soledad

How is that offensive?
Who excatly am I attacking please explain?
The post I quoted is in my opinion extremely offensive to parents especially fathers.
A soon to be father came on here asking a simple question and was told by that poster he should not be entitled to any say......so what is the point in having a father at all.
I am NOT attacking a poster but disagree very stongly with the views of that poster.
I am a woman by the way....a mother of two toddlers.

If I am not entitled to disagree with view then feel free to ban me as I thought that was the whole point of the forum!

Please explain how out of all the posts in this thread the one I posted is the one considered offensive?
I would sincerely like to know>

elexes

dont suppose its worth saying that xmass is a very stressfull time of year and that maby ud be better off making a cup of tea before replying then sitting down after the cuppa and making a reply out .


just a thought .. works a killer . rember next week monday and tuesday are bank holidays . long weekend ppl !

Khannie

luckat wrote:

well, I don't honestly see that it's a man's responsibility - or right - to nag his partner into stopping smoking or drugtaking because she's the vessel that's carrying his child.

You think that because the woman has the child in her womb that the father should stand idly by and let her kill his child? What's the difference between that and when the child is outside the womb? Should the mother be able to give the child drugs then if she feels like it? Or is it different because the male can physically see the child then?

(This may seem OT, but it's really at the crux of the issue of whether or not the male should have any input).

Khannie

elexes wrote:

dont suppose its worth saying that xmass is a very stressfull time of year and that maby ud be better off making a cup of tea before replying then sitting down after the cuppa and making a reply out .

Only read this after.

I promise to do so before my next reply.

luckat

Yes, we're into an interesting ethical area here, all right, Khannie.

Am I dreaming, or was there a court case a couple of years back in which a man won the right to force his ex-girlfriend to abort his child?

The whole area is one in which our ethics are challenged. Should a strongly vegetarian man be allowed to force the mother of his child to eat only vegetarian food, for instance?

What if he *isn't* the father? Should he then have the right to stop her, say, smoking or eating meat or mountain-climbing?

Since a foetus is not legally considered a human being, but a part of the woman's body, does anyone have any rights over that body except the woman living in it?

And if a man wants his child breastfed and the mother doesn't want to breastfeed it, should he have the right to hire a wetnurse, say? Again, what about someone who isn't the child's father - does the right to supervise the child's welfare accrue only to the father, or to any other person?

Khannie

luckat wrote:

Yes, we're into an interesting ethical area here, all right, Khannie.

Defo. They're the best for a few beers and a bit of banter.

luckat wrote:

Am I dreaming, or was there a court case a couple of years back in which a man won the right to force his ex-girlfriend to abort his child?

Defo dreaming. At least not in Ireland. Abortion is, after all, illegal here. Laws in foreign countries aren't really relevant to the discussion though.

luckat wrote:

What if he *isn't* the father? Should he then have the right to stop her, say, smoking or eating meat or mountain-climbing?

Now you're talking about the state really (unless it's a minor and then the parents have some control also). The state forces lots of people to not do things all the time (that they might otherwise like to do). Some are relatively harmless (e.g. smoking pot) others not so (e.g. theft / murder).

luckat wrote:

Since a foetus is not legally considered a human being, but a part of the woman's body,

You sure about that?

luckat wrote:

does anyone have any rights over that body except the woman living in it?

That's an easy one. Yes. The state for one. It's illegal to commit suicide for example. Not much of a deterrant I know....but the idea is that you can't cash in on life insurance etc.

luckat wrote:

And if a man wants his child breastfed and the mother doesn't want to breastfeed it, should he have the right to hire a wetnurse, say? Again, what about someone who isn't the child's father - does the right to supervise the child's welfare accrue only to the father, or to any other person?

I declare pints!

Have a happy christmas.

OP: I feel you have the right to make your feelings very clear and at least apply some coersion to try to achieve your desired goal. Ultimately though, it's your partners choice.

elexes

ok very weird . youve managed to derail a topic totally

And if a man wants his child breastfed and the mother doesn't want to breastfeed it, should he have the right to hire a wetnurse, say?

well why not if he wanted but alas i cant find a wetnurse section in the golden pages nor even if i could im sure they would be extreemly expensive and totally out of my budget. but if you do know where to find one sure post a link just for the intrest .

also you managed to doge my two questions totally

me and my gf have very different views on most subjects . a debate about the sky lasted for 6 hours over the phone we both agreed to never bring the subject up ever again and its just not worth it . we discuss most things that we do long before we do them to make sure we both want to do them . do you believe that i should just listen to my gf and whatever she says wheather it be right or wrong i just go along with it because i wouldnt want her to get annoyed ?

luckat

I believe in constructive discussion; I don't believe that anyone except the woman herself has the right to tell her whether she should breastfeed.

If you want to read some articles about the research on breastfeeding, try searching the BBC news website (http://news.bbc.co.uk), which reports a lot of studies in an easy-to-understand and unbiased way.

I don't mean to overreact to you, elexes; I don't know you.

But there's a shocking bunch of breastfeeding Legion of Mary types around at the moment who can put really horrible pressure on women, make them feel as if they're not good mothers if they don't choose to breastfeed.

Used to be the other way - one used to be shouted at for trying to nurse a baby quietly under a shawl in the corner of a park!

Consider this: it's perfectly ok with lots of people to slap a child, but not to give the baby a bottle. Go (as the Americans say) figure.

Nevyn

Frist step would be to find out what exactly your gf thinks about it.
Then see about reading some more and seeing if she will read up on it to.

foxinsocks

This is just speaking from my own experience. Before i ever even got pregnant, i always said that if i ever had children, that i would breastfeed them... Breast milk is (as you've already heard) the absolutely best start to give your baby. Its full of all the right mix of nutrients. It has immune systems boosters, all kinds of good stuff... Also, mothers who breastfeed have a lower rate of 'female' cancers (breast/cervix etc).

Many babies who are breastfed have far less colick, or digestive problems than babies fed on formula.

I had trouble getting mind breastfed at the start, it took her a while to learn how not to spit me out and how to latch on properly, but we got there. In the meantime i was supplementing with formula, and i have to say, breastfeeding was FAR easier. No sterilising, no washing bottles, no mixing formula, no heating it up, or refridgerating it, none of that stuff.

A friend of mine had a baby, and said all along that there was no way she was going to breastfeed. But when her baby was born, she felt completley differently.

Try to find out exactly why your partner doesnt want to breast feed. If she is really not comfortable with the idea, dont try to force the issue, it wont make her change her mind. One thing you could (gently) suggest is maybe that she tries it for a few days. The milk that comes out of the breast in the early days (colostrum) is just so full of goodness, even a few days of breast feeding your baby will give it a huge boost.

All that said, however, its not for everyone. A bottle fed baby will do just fine. Formulas are well structured to meet all baby's needs. And you will have a chance to feed your baby more often, if she/he is not breast fed .

Fox_in_Socks

elexes

well mid coversation of what to do over xmass i throught in sure give bf a try will ya and she instantly said yes but if it dosnt work it dosnt work . so cant ask more then that

ha sorted . thx for advice hopfully all goes well .

luckat

Perfect. And if she wants any tips, tell her come here. Frinstance, there's a little set of nerves at the side of a baby's mouth, and if you tip just there with the nipple, the baby's instinct is to turn the mouth towards it and suckle.

Another tip - make sure the baby gets the nipple centred, doesn't latch onto the breast just to the side - ouch!

elexes

lol will do

deisemum

While she's pregnant and not suffering from sleep deprivation and her brain can still retain some information it might be worthwhile for your partner to go to your local health board/executive breastfeeding support meetings (usually weekly) and meet other breastfeeding mums who can give advice on what to expect (by breastfeeding) what problems that may occur, growth spurts etc so that when she does start breastfeeding she'll be more prepared.

Also once baby is born if she has any big, small or perceived trivial queries at least she will already know people that she can contact.

hillybilly

I have read this thread from start to finish in one sitting. I know this is an issue close to people's hearts but I find some of the post here very offensive tbh.

Raiser stated that women who don't breastfeed are morons (in his/her opinion). How can you call someone a moron when you don't know them. I didn't breastfeed and I KNOW I'm not a moron. I went to anti-natal classes and there was a woman there from the le leche league. She was doing the same as alot of people here, trying to force their ideals about breastfeeding down peoples neck.

I have heard all the "breast is best" information, I got it from all angles while I was pregnant. I'm not saying I disagree with the fact that breast is better, I can't, because it IS better, we all know that.

However, this woman from the le leche league stuffed it down our necks that we would be bad mothers if we did not breast feed (which seems to be the opinion of some people here). That just IS NOT true.

Sleipmir stated that women who don't breastfeed are selfish. Again, how can you say that about someone you don't know. People have their reasons and not breastfeeding doesn't make them selfish people. Breast may be best but formula isn't harmful, it's just not as good.

I found some of the posts here very offensive and hurtful. I had good reasons for not breastfeeding. I had intended to try it as I knew it was best for her. It didn't work out like I had planned (as sometimes happens). I didn't beat myself up over this, being a new mother was stressful enough without that aswell. It was myself and my husband's decision and I don't regret it for a moment.

I don't think ANYONE has the right to tell me i'm a moron, selfish or any of the other comments of that nature which have been posted here. It's a personal choice. It may not be as beneficial to the baby in the long run but it won't HARM them not to be breastfed.

I have my opinions about all manner of subjects but I respect other peoples decisions as they are their decisions to make. I wouldn't dream of making little of them by calling them names just because I think they are wrong.

On a different note, hope you all had a safe and happy Christmas.

embee

Well well well. Hello there.

First up, I am elexes girlfriend. I am 35 weeks pregnant, and I want to clarify one or two small points.

Raiser wrote:

Anyone that doesn't want to give their baby the best possible start for a healthy life despite having the required equipment with them at all times since puberty and having no good reason in the world not to at least make a decent attempt is [at best] ignorant of the facts or else [most likely] a moron {in my opinion}

Firstly, I am not a moron, and I am not ignorant. There are reasons why I expressed reservations to my boyfriend about breastfeeding. I am not ignorant - I do know that breastfeeding is better for baby. I do know that breast milk contains all sorts of antibodies that formula will never have. I know all of the benefits. However, no-ones personal situation is black and white, least of all mine.

I am due my baby at the end of January. No hiccups there. However, I am scheduled to have major surgery in the late Spring, for which I may have to start taking medication once the baby is born. I don't know for sure whether the meds I am on will leech into the breastmilk. These are things I will need to discuss with my GP, surgeon, midwife etc. I won't know what meds I am going on until after I have the child.

Secondly, for the first few months of our childs life, myself and elexes will be living 100 miles apart and not seeing each other every day. This is through circumstances that are neither of our faults, but it is just going to be that way and thats that. Breastfeeding can be time consuming. I will be doing a lot of the early childcare on my own. I will have a lot of laundry, cleaning, childcare etc. to do and yes, I will admit that the idea of having pre-prepared bottles of formula appeals to me because of the convenience factor of it. I'm not an Earth Mother. This is my first child and I can imagine how trying it will be trying to keep on top of everything, on my own. My parents are both still in their mid 40's, and are both working full time jobs. I will have a LOT to do by myself. Also, I will be trying to bring the baby to see his/her Dad as much as possible. He's in the Midlands, I'm in County Louth. Its a two hour drive. Practically speaking, supplementing breast and formula will probably be best for me in this regard. I really do NOT fancy having to pull over and breastfeeding baby in my car at the side of the road. Pumping before journeys etc. is all well and good but its a long drive, bad roads, I'll have a lot of other stuff to prepare before I even set off.

Thirdly, I never once said that I wasn't going to breastfeed. I expressed reservations and concerns about it for the above reasons, and others. I actually am going to try it out. If it works, I will be so delighted, but if it doesn't, I certainly will not put myself through a guilt trip. We have bought breast pumps, bottles, and sterilisation kits. Thats just in case though. I fully intend to try breastfeeding, at least for the first 6-8 weeks. I may decide to supplement breastmilk and formula, but I won't beat myself up over it if I feel its become too much. I never ONCE said that I wasn't going to do it.

deisemum wrote:

I do think it's sad that she's not even going to try. Is is because she comes from a family where she hasn't seen anyone nurse their baby? If she hasn't been in an environement or knows anyone who has breastfed then it is understandable if she's reluctant, you do hear some weird and unpleasant stories about bfing. At the ante-natal classes the midwives normally encourage bf.

As I've said above, I am going to try. I'm going to give it my all. It might not work. My mother nursed my brother, but didn't have enough milk for me or my sister. My mother is pro-breastfeeding, as am I. My aunt has two kids who she bottle-fed, but that was because again, she wasn't producing enough milk. I've read up on breastfeeding. I know full well what the benefits of it are above bottle-feeding, and I am honestly going to give it a go.

Peace wrote:

elexes - i'm sure easons have plenty of baby books that would help you & gf understand more. I hope everything goes smoothly for you guys.

I have read baby books from cover to cover. I have trawled the internet. I have seeked advice from family members and friends who have bottle and breastfed respectively. I don't need to be patronised to and told that I need to "understand" more. We are in a less than ideal situation vis a vis our living arrangements, and my own health issues and surgery in 5-6 months time. For these reasons, I expressed reservations about the practicalities of breastfeeding. Believe me, I understand plenty.

Ultimately though, it IS my decision. Its my body. I'm going to be on my own a lot at the beginning. We don't have an ideal situation. Christ, I wish we did, but we don't. And I don't think I deserve to be called "ignorant" and a "moron" because I'm trying to make a decision based on practicalities as well as whats best for my baby.

Yes, breastfeedings best for my baby. What about whats best for me?

Nevyn

Hi Embee I see you found this thread at last.
I know that you are going to make the best choices that your life allows for you and your child.

run_Forrest_run

my partner is expecting in 2 weeks time (with our first) and when we were at ante-natal classes the mid-wife covered feeding.She said the hospital (won't name) are totally open to both types and so I thought that they were going to be fair and unbiased...she spent 2 minutes talking about bottle feeding and the different types of formula ...then she switched to breast feeding, she put on a video for the next 20 minutes which really harped on and on about the benefits of breastfeeding...not only that but the people in the video actually put down parents who bottle fed.

Now since this is our first time round we thought it would have been nice to have been informed of both feeding methods in a fair and impartial manner...why is there huge pressure on parents to breast feed? I am not saying anything against breastfeeding and I believe it probably is the best approach BUT only if it suits the mother and the child....the video ignored such scenarios like illness/c-section recovery etc..

Kernel32

Situations do occur where a woman cannot or should not breast feed but they are actually pretty rare. The vast majority of women are physically capable of breast feeding after birth, sometimes it takes some help of course and you have to be commited to trying it. My guess is the video was created to talk to that majority rather than taking up too much time covering the much smaller minority. Is that fair? Dunno really but it's basically how our entire society is laid out, to service the majority. If you have concerns about what to do in exceptional situations you could contact someone at the La Leche League.

The other issue is the promotion of breast feeding over bottle feeding. I believe that is coming from a backlash againist the formula vendors. For years they promoted their product for free in ante-natal classes and the like. The health services no longer want to do that, if a formula vendor wants to advertise the advantages of formula feeding then they should do it on their dime.

run_Forrest_run

you make some good points kernel32. I can understand the hospitals not wishing to be an advertising verhicle for formula vendors..but the hospital could have spent a little more time simply discussing the bottle feeding approach as they did for beastfeeding..anyway, as I said my partner is planning to breastfeed..albeit she is nervous and could easily feel insecure if it doesn't work the first few times....especially now after how the video potrayed non-breastfeeders! The video even used the word 'plonker' for women who don't breastfeed...I can be there with support anyway.

sweety4uall

i breastfed my daughter for first 8 months.she didnt get the colds that most babies get,and she only spat up the feed once,cause id had a curry.lol.not sure if it just cause of breast milk,but she seemed more advanced than babies i knew on bottle feeds.last couple of months i had to introduce the odd bottle feed though,as it was getting very sore for me.but me thinks breast is best,and theres no excuse for not giving it a try at least.