so are men really happier? here is some proof

BEAT

Men Are Just Happier People--:D

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays
put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is
just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You
can
wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water
park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
have
to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too
icky .
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same
work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest
when
you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically
expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood
all
the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all
your
own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If
someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more

than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable
to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its
original
color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have
to
shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big
hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You
can
wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with
a

pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

mmmmmmmmmmm#

chocolate cake

yum yum

Goodshape

Indeed. We rule.

Setun

Ho hum.

AND PROUD!!!!!!

The Free Man

TurquoiseDream wrote:

You know stuff about tanks.

damn straight :v:

g'em

I see your happiness and raise you...

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7.If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8.We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.


(still jealous of the world is your urinal thing though... have you ever seen the queues for the ladies loo??!?)

Setun

g'em wrote:

I see your happiness and raise you...

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

[/SIZE]

What's the fun in that tho?

g'em

Daddio wrote:

What's the fun in that tho?

stops us laughing mid-conversation...

BEAT

g'em wrote:

I see your happiness and raise you...

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7.If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8.We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.


(still jealous of the world is your urinal thing though... have you ever seen the queues for the ladies loo??!?)

funny, what is funnier is that without posting that you could still get those points across reading the initial post...which was the point lol

Setun

g'em wrote:

stops us laughing mid-conversation...

ouch... sheesh! No need to... jeez... I...

<somberly leaves room>

Atrocity

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway

that's usually because the woman is saying something silly

g'em

Atrocity wrote:

that's usually because the woman is saying something silly

nice comeback...

Slutmonkey57b

All this is totally borne out by the suicide statistics too.

Wertz

g'em wrote:

I see your happiness and raise you...

1. We got off the Titanic first. Into the freezing atlantic?
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. Or just take them up on a faked sexual harrasment suit, if he threatens to fire us.
3. Taxis stop for us. ...and then dump yur dismembered corpse on nearby wasteground.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. The resemblance is more "Hippo in a spin dryer"
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo. Two words; Ugg. Boots.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. Since that would involve eating enough to actually produce said gas
7.If we forget to shave, no one has to know. If you's forget to shave no-one WANTS to know
8.We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end. Unfortunately those teamgames never make it to pre-watershed telly
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. All it takes is a quick sniff of the air to make sure
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves. ...after watching Trinny and Susannah
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. We just have to try and visualise the contents of their wallet.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot. ...and that we probably won't have a lot of time to spend the inheritance
13. We will never regret piercing our ears. But probably our nipples.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. But it's not whilst staring down at the bathroom scales...
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway. No they're too busy trying to picture your best friend naked


(still jealous of the world is your urinal thing though... have you ever seen the queues for the ladies loo??!?) Have you ever bothered to try and p*ss whilst standing up?

:v:

No offence, just some banter

g'em

Wertz wrote:

:v:

No offence, just some banter

no offense taken..

oh and i tried that whole peeing standing up thing.. the lack of a.. how should i say it?... 'targeting device' makes the whole process rather messy.

hullaballoo

Wertz wrote:

No offence, just some banter

Funniest thing I've ever read on boards.
/EDIT

g'em wrote:

oh and i tried that whole peeing standing up thing.. the lack of a.. how should i say it?... 'targeting device' makes the whole process rather messy.

It can be done, not easily, but it can. I saw. With my eyes. One word: angles. (And that's not angels btw)

Rb

g'em wrote:

no offense taken..

oh and i tried that whole peeing standing up thing.. the lack of a.. how should i say it?... 'targeting device' makes the whole process rather messy.

:eek:

Piste

Haha, these are great!

Ruaidhri

TurquoiseDream wrote:

Men Are Just Happier People--:D

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays
put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is
just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You
can
wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water
park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
have
to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too
icky .
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same
work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest
when
you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically
expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood
all
the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all
your
own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If
someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more

than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable
to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its
original
color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have
to
shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big
hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You
can
wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with
a

pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Penis envy?

g'em

not really no. I prefer having earth-shattering-moments that don't cause flood damage.

Eugh.. sticky...

stevenmu

TurquoiseDream wrote:

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

It simple 'Lefty-Loosey, Righty-Tighty'. We have all kinds of handy memory tips implanted into our genetic code, so we don't have to worry about killing off brain cells with beer.

Want to know how to remember left from right ? Hold up your both hands in front of your face, plams forward (so you're looking at the backs of them), point your fingers upwards and your thumbs at right-angles to them, so your thumbs are both pointing at each other. Now look at the thumb and 1st finger on both hands, which ever one looks more like and 'L' is on the 'L'eft. Now seeing as this tip is aimed at girls, I'll add a little warning, when you're doing your driving test, and the tester says to take the next left, do not do this.


:v:

g'em wrote:

the lack of a.. how should i say it?... 'targeting device' makes the whole process rather messy.

There are 'aftermarket' targeting devices available for those of you who didn't come with a 'factory fitted' version. Click here (not graphic, but let's face it, you probably don't want to click on this in work)






When I was googling for that, I also found the funniest article I've ever seen here

The increasing number of women serving in the armed forces led the U.S. Army to study whether urinals could be used to reduce the lines outside women's rest rooms. The study, which reportedly cost more than $300,000, came to the startling conclusion that women can't pee standing up.

But, help was at hand, an organisation called Caring Hands Inc. (I swear, you can't make this stuff up :v: ), an organization devoted to restroom-related issues, came up with a useable technique.

"In a way, it's like learning how to whistle. You have to learn how to position your lips for the best results."

dar83

g'em wrote:

stops us laughing mid-conversation...

But our picturing the women naked technique prevents us from having these types of "conversations" in the first place.

ie. We still win.:v:

fly_agaric

Have to take issue with a few of these:

TurquoiseDream wrote:

Your last name stays
put.

That married woman changing her name malarky is so last century though, isn't it?

TurquoiseDream wrote:

You can be President.

Many men < 20 or so probably think you have to be a woman. Ahh, American lists!:D

TurquoiseDream wrote:

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Swap you that if you'll "suit up" for the office (incl. tie:) ) while the summer sun splits the stones.

TurquoiseDream wrote:

The world is your urinal.

I though this was a public order offence?

TurquoiseDream wrote:

advantages related to men not giving as much of a crap/not needing to give as much of a crap about their appearance as women do

In this age of David Beckham, six-packs, male "moisturising products", teeth whitening, body waxing, shaving and other control of body hair, cosmetic surgery, male versions of women's perfumes etc? The foppish man seems to be coming back into vogue with a vengence so I have to disagree with most of the appearance related advantages. Look at a few threads in the personal issues section of boards.ie if you doubt me on this.

TurquoiseDream wrote:

You know stuff about
tanks.

All I can say is... I know you can use them to kill people, and its probably not a good idea to face off to one like that Chinese student did in Tiananmen Sq. (ha, ha - the Chinese are blocking borads.ie!).

The Free Man

stevenmu wrote:

There are 'aftermarket' targeting devices available for those of you who didn't come with a 'factory fitted' version. Click here (not graphic, but let's face it, you probably don't want to click on this in work)


When I was googling for that, I also found the funniest article I've ever seen here

The internet has it all doesn't it........

edit:
basically, instructions on how to pee
http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page004.html
funny!
http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page005.html

7. Can females write their name in the snow with the TravelMate? Yes.

:v:

craigcharlie

stevenmu wrote:

There are 'aftermarket' targeting devices available for those of you who didn't come with a 'factory fitted' version. Click here (not graphic, but let's face it, you probably don't want to click on this in work)


When I was googling for that, I also found the funniest article I've ever seen here

But, help was at hand, an organisation called Caring Hands Inc. (I swear, you can't make this stuff up :v: ), an organization devoted to restroom-related issues, came up with a useable technique.

unfecking-believable .... laughed my a55 off at this thread. but when I got to "Caring Hands", that was just too much... this thread was ordained by the gods of comedy.

the fact that the travel-mate has that as one of their faq questions is brill. I'd say they have a great sense of humour at that company.... and I wonder how many female sales representatives they have :v:

embee

In fairness, being pregnant is sorta nice.

Tis a shame you spermo's can't experience it.

Atrocity

g'em wrote:

nice comeback...

wasn't a comeback, just a statement of fact.

deisedevil

Oh my good god! I nearly pissed meself laughin at this thread. Would highly recommend reading it stoned. In a fit a giigles:D

Agent Smith

one word that proves men are happier




Peroids




the male side would like to rest it case

g'em

agent smith wrote:

Peroids

um... well if you meant 'periods'..

this is just too easy....

rubadub

g'em wrote:

oh and i tried that whole peeing standing up thing.. the lack of a.. how should i say it?... 'targeting device' makes the whole process rather messy.

There is a website showing how. It says only 70-80% of women can do it properly, the others have piss flaps like john waynes saddle bags and are unable to hold them back with a mere 2 hands. (true)

tj-music.com

g'em wrote:

the lack of a.. how should i say it?... 'targeting device' makes the whole process rather messy.

That´s hilarious. I used to pee my full name into the snow in one shot but now that I am living in this rather snowless country I sure miss the old days.

hullaballoo

embee wrote:

Tis a shame you spermo's can't experience it.

Spermo's!? Hilarious!

/Edit No, I can't think of anything funny that would be a parallel

Wertz

embee wrote:

In fairness, being pregnant is sorta nice.

Tis a shame you spermo's can't experience it.

Would you also have us squeeze something resembling the approximate dimensions of a golf ball out of our urethra after nine months of "sorta nice"?

Have fun with that... :v:

...and seriously, best of luck with it.

thelordofcheese

g'em wrote:

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Funny you should mention that, a friend of mine works in HR, and claims to never accept the "mysterious gynecological disorder", especially when it's obvious the woman in question is quite clearly the victim of over indulgence.


Her: "i can't come in today.. womens problems.."
Him "really? what is it?"
Her "umm... y'know, womens problems"
Him: "is it a twisted ovary? because unless it's a twisted ovary i expect to see you in work within the next hour"

or so he tells it.

Setun

embee wrote:

In fairness, being pregnant is sorta nice.

Tis a shame you spermo's can't experience it.

As of next year, we will*.


















*statement is false

nobodythere

I never heard this stereotype before that men were happier...

We just bitch about it less

TheVan

Girls, ye really shouldn't have eaten that apple...talk about paying the price!

g'em

um... price?.. what price? aparet from the whole peeing standing up thing I really don't see any argument...

we get to have chocolate when we want to, especially at certain times of the month, we get pussy-footed around just coz we're not doing the best, we we get our doors opened for us... if you choose to believe that's below us that's really your problem...

personally I love it...

jesus_thats_gre

Sooooooooooo.... Do you actually really think that women are happier than men?

dar83

g'em wrote:

we get to have chocolate when we want to, especially at certain times of the month

As does anyone..... who feels like chocolate...... At an time of the month.

g'em wrote:

we get pussy-footed around just coz we're not doing the best

More like we dont bother even trying to have a conversation when you're in your "anything you try to do is wrong...especially if you dont do anything", it's a lose lose, so we seperate ourselves for the week and stay winners.

g'em wrote:

we we get our doors opened for us... if you choose to believe that's below us that's really your problem...

Doors opened..... Thats a major plus alright.

g'em

okay, look, the fact that you guys feel the need to prove yourselves to the extent that you have is fine... fact is, most other female posters on the boards are busy discussing other way more important other issues here, we're quite fine in our own superiority..... I just managed to somhow be the ambassador for women's issues... typical...

Atrocity

women always have to conjure up false notions of superiority, always rattling on about how women are better than men. look at the last line of your signature?! it's only when women say things like that that men call them stupid.

dar83

g'em wrote:

okay, look, the fact that you guys feel the need to prove yourselves to the extent that you have is fine...

Haha!

I'm sorry, who was the one that came here and decided to challenge a list that was clearly posted as light hearted banter? :rolleyes:

g'em

dar83 wrote:

I'm sorry, who was the one that came here and decided to challenge a list that was clearly posted as light hearted banter? :rolleyes:

It still is, and still having the banter... who left their sense of humour at home...?

g'em

hey, it's all good. women, men, who cares? one can't live without the other...

g'em

but remember...


REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers
till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

jesus_thats_gre

Only a woman would be stupid enough to put up with a fat ass man beating them into submission...

g'em

well... if he's got the dough... or in this case the presents... there's always a reason for our madness... nothing is done in vain...

I'm bored of this. I'm off to eat some chocolate.

Atrocity

so there's the lesson. If you have money or presents, you can get a bunch of women to agree to be tied up and pull you around in a sleigh, even if you're fat and don't exist

g'em

g'em wrote:

we get to have chocolate when we want to, especially at certain times of the month

Just feel lucky that most chocolate doesn't come in jars.