What does it mean to Love your Partner?

Chrissy

A few months back I started dating a long term friend.
(We all love (care for) our friends.)

But in the last few weeks I've starting 'Loving' this guy.

I know I love him, I know the feeling is love, but I don't know what's changed.

If I ws asked what love is, I couldn't give an answer.

So, basically, I'm asking you, 'What is Love'? What signifies love to you? When you tell your partner you love them, or when you think to yourself that you love your partner, what do you mean?
How is it different from just liking them or being attracted to them?

(Sorry if this is a bit too mushy, just curious!)

Rb

what?

chuckles30

I know what you mean Chrissy - I went out with a guy last year & I know it sounds like a cliche, but I fell in love with him straight away. I knew I loved him, but equally I can't explain what it is or why. Just enjoy it!!! It's a good feeling.

Chrissy

rb_ie wrote:

what?

Ah, I guess I don't know what I'm asking either!!!!

You go out with someone for a few months, or more.
You really really like them, you like spending time with them, you look forward to seeing them etc, BUT, one day you realise you love them!

What's the difference?

Didn't you love them all along, or what's changed now that's made you realise you love them?

What does loving someone mean / feel like to you?

connundrum

Love... wierd thing.

First we were classmates, I thought she was hot..
Then we became friends, then her hotness increased..
Friendship turned into a relationship.. incredible hotness..
I said "I love you" and I meant it, and I do mean it every time.. she is the hottest woman ever..and will continue to be as such!

Love is something unexplainable, it makes ya feel warm in your tummy. I find myself staring at her, wondering how I ever got her, how I manage to hold onto her.. how strongly I feel for her etc

I feel as strong for my missus now (if not moreso) as I did when we first hooked up.. its bleedin great. I'd die without her, she is literally my other half!

I think its great, and if you have half of what I have then I think you're a lucky person!

mushy yes, but nice and cheery yes (too)

Steve_o

Its hard to describe alright!! Theres so many types of love I don't know where to start!!

solicitous

Chrissy wrote:

A few months back I started dating a long term friend.
(We all love (care for) our friends.)
But in the last few weeks I've starting 'Loving' this guy.
I know I love him, I know the feeling is love, but I don't know what's changed.
If I ws asked what love is, I couldn't give an answer.
So, basically, I'm asking you, 'What is Love'? What signifies love to you? When you tell your partner you love them, or when you think to yourself that you love your partner, what do you mean?
How is it different from just liking them or being attracted to them?
(Sorry if this is a bit too mushy, just curious!)

Ok. well this one will be brief, dont think my stomach can handle much at the moment. when he springs to mind you will have the butterflies, a punch drunk love feeling.. find you cant really concentrate on alot other than himself.

You are one of the lucky ones, you have a relationship with a solid friendship foundation. people who meet in pubs/clubs etc have alot of ground work to do before a proper relationship is established.

Just a quick question, you are in love with him, not settling for him right?
sorry if that seems like an infuriating question

monkeyfudge

And here's me thinking everyone just fakes it when they say 'I love you'

I guess I'm just an empty husk then.

Kernel

Love.. wahahahahahah ROFL... ahhhhh.

Love is (and pardon my vulgarity) something women feel when they get the cock a few times from a lad. That's what's changed between you and your man friend, I presume you weren't **** buddies before?

Anyway, after you have had sex, your body determines genetic compatibility with your mate, and then your brain kicks in and releases PEA chemicals which are kinda similar to an opiate and very addictive. These chemicals are designed to make you a little insane so that you stick with your mate and raise children together. However, you build up a tolerance to PEAs after a while, and the endorphins don't give you the same kick, so you fall out of love, become normal again and seek another mate - after 5-7 years.

Biologists reckon this is to spread your genetic code with as many partners as possible, and to ensure survival of your DNA and the species itself.

Dave

Awwwww isn't that beautiful

Angels

Chrissy wrote:

A few months back I started dating a long term friend.
(We all love (care for) our friends.)

But in the last few weeks I've starting 'Loving' this guy.

I know I love him, I know the feeling is love, but I don't know what's changed.

If I ws asked what love is, I couldn't give an answer.

So, basically, I'm asking you, 'What is Love'? What signifies love to you? When you tell your partner you love them, or when you think to yourself that you love your partner, what do you mean?
How is it different from just liking them or being attracted to them?

(Sorry if this is a bit too mushy, just curious!)

Well from own experience Love is,

- when he tells you he loves you & there was no particular reason for him to say so he just wanted to say it.
-when you've had the ****tiest day & when u get home he gives you the nicest cuddle & it cheers you up.
-when you tell him you love him & you get butterflies in your stomach telling him.
-when your both lying in bed & are feeling lazy (on a sunday) & just want to lie there for the day together.

These are just a few of the things i think can tell you.

I know i loved my fella cause i just knew when i met him we had something special. His always making me laugh & cheers me up so much when im feeling low. We took our relationship slowly & 2 1/2 years on we're madly in love. Hes the first person i think of in the morning when i wake up & the last person i think of before i go to sleep at night.

I know im being all slushee sorry guys. Just tryin to help!!

Chrissy

Kernel wrote:

Love.. wahahahahahah ROFL... ahhhhh.

Love is (and pardon my vulgarity) something women feel when they get the cock a few times from a lad. That's what's changed between you and your man friend, I presume you weren't **** buddies before?

FYI:- I haven't had cock (as you so nicely put it!!!:D ) from him yet.
I know it might seem (to some) a long to go without, but situations haven't allowed for it yet, so that's NOT what has changed.

solicitous wrote:

you are in love with him, not settling for him right?

No, anything but!!!!
Really really long story, not going to go into it, but lets say I messed up a few years back & never thought I'd get the chance again.
I went through an awful lot to get to where we are now as I knew it'd be worth it, & it has been.
I was actually settling for someone else until I realised that this would be the biggest regret of my life if I didn't go for it

& Connundrum, can only hope to be as happy as you when many years have passed.
That was a very sweet post.
You're very lucky!

solicitous

Kernel wrote:

so you fall out of love, become normal again and seek another mate - after 5-7 years.
Biologists reckon this is to spread your genetic code with as many partners as possible, and to ensure survival of your DNA and the species itself.

As sad and husk-like as this sounds.. Kernel is right. my most recent relationship lasted a little longer though. Just got so boring.

I despise predictability in a relationship.

solicitous

Chrissy wrote:

No, anything but!!!!
I messed up a few years back & never thought I'd get the chance again.
I went through an awful lot to get to where we are now as I knew it'd be worth it, & it has been.
I was actually settling for someone else until I realised that this would be the biggest regret of my life if I didn't go for it

In that case, Im glad for you. dont spend so much time thinking about it, just enjoy it.

Pigman II

I've spent many of your earth-seconds pondering on subject of your human emotion called 'love' and question of 'what is love?' and the only conclusion I can come to is that it is when you feel the person is more important to you than you are to yourself.

LadyJ

Pigman II wrote:

I've spent many of your earth-seconds pondering on subject of your human emotion called 'love' and question of 'what is love?' and the only conclusion I can come to is that it is when you feel the person is more important to you than you are to yourself.

Of all the things said on this thread so far,this is the one thing that I don't agree with at all. People say that that is what it's like when you have kids and I can buy into that I guess but I think it's totally different with a partner.

You must always love yourself the most because if not then a certain amount of respect is lost. You can love a person without always putting their happiness before your own. Be considerate but don't be foolish.

yermandan

I've never been in love but I think its when you have someone that makes sense of the world for you.It's when you can't not know what they are doing at any time.It's when you think life can't get any better but then they do or say something and you are proved wrong.It's when you never ever feel lonely.I could go on and on and on but thats my understanding of it from the viewpoint of having never experienced it.Quite looking forward to it tbh!!!

dan

monkeyfudge

There is a newspaper comic strip about two naked eight-year-olds who aren't married which I think you'll find very helpful.

joejoem

monkeyfudge wrote:

There is a newspaper comic strip about two naked eight-year-olds who aren't married which I think you'll find very helpful.

lol, now get the **** out of after hours!

Chrissy

monkeyfudge wrote:

There is a newspaper comic strip about two naked eight-year-olds who aren't married which I think you'll find very helpful.

joejoem wrote:

lol, now get the **** out of after hours!

Don't read it if you're not interested!!!!!

It's nearly as interesting as the 'give me a new name because I haven't enough brain power to come up with one of my own' thread!!

LegacyUser

Chrissy wrote:

& Connundrum, can only hope to be as happy as you when many years have passed.
That was a very sweet post.
You're very lucky!

I am connundrum's lucky lady, and every day I love him more, and it surprises me, cos according to TV these feelings fade after a while.
Not the case for us, thank God, quite the opposite in fact.

SprostonGreen

Said best......

Foreigner wrote:

In my life there's been heartache and pain.
I don't know if I can face it again.
Can't stop now

I've travelled so far to change this lonely life.

I want to know what love is
I want you to show me.
I want to feel what love is
I know you can show me.

Angels

Angels wrote:

Well from own experience Love is,

- when he tells you he loves you & there was no particular reason for him to say so he just wanted to say it.
-when you've had the ****tiest day & when u get home he gives you the nicest cuddle & it cheers you up.
-when you tell him you love him & you get butterflies in your stomach telling him.
-when your both lying in bed & are feeling lazy (on a sunday) & just want to lie there for the day together.

These are just a few of the things i think can tell you.

I know i loved my fella cause i just knew when i met him we had something special. His always making me laugh & cheers me up so much when im feeling low. We took our relationship slowly & 2 1/2 years on we're madly in love. Hes the first person i think of in the morning when i wake up & the last person i think of before i go to sleep at night.

I know im being all slushee sorry guys. Just tryin to help!!

i totally agree if a guy can give you butterfly feeling after the initial honeymoon stage is over you know its love
i think friendship within a relationship is also important and when it turns into love its the best!!
also love to me is trying satisfy your man in anyway possible (and i dont just mean sex):D

BEAT

Kernel wrote:

Love.. wahahahahahah ROFL... ahhhhh.

Love is (and pardon my vulgarity) something women feel when they get the cock a few times from a lad. That's what's changed between you and your man friend, I presume you weren't **** buddies before?

Anyway, after you have had sex, your body determines genetic compatibility with your mate, and then your brain kicks in and releases PEA chemicals which are kinda similar to an opiate and very addictive. These chemicals are designed to make you a little insane so that you stick with your mate and raise children together. However, you build up a tolerance to PEAs after a while, and the endorphins don't give you the same kick, so you fall out of love, become normal again and seek another mate - after 5-7 years.

Biologists reckon this is to spread your genetic code with as many partners as possible, and to ensure survival of your DNA and the species itself.

well, arn't you the hopeless romantic :v:

fischerspooner

Love - it means your brain has decided to use this person as the solution to all your built up insecurities. You'll bury your insecurities at the back of your brain until the fascination with this new person wears off. They will slowly emerge much to the horror of the other person, and theirs will also emerge to horrify you. Soon you'll be desperately unhappy and blaming them for your unhappiness. It is all an illusion. If you want to be truly happy with another person you must know them very well before making any type of long term agreements with them. This "love" you speak of will blind you from the logical.

Maximilian

Chrissy wrote:

A few months back I started dating a long term friend.
(We all love (care for) our friends.)

But in the last few weeks I've starting 'Loving' this guy.

I know I love him, I know the feeling is love, but I don't know what's changed.

If I ws asked what love is, I couldn't give an answer.

So, basically, I'm asking you, 'What is Love'? What signifies love to you? When you tell your partner you love them, or when you think to yourself that you love your partner, what do you mean?
How is it different from just liking them or being attracted to them?

(Sorry if this is a bit too mushy, just curious!)

I think I just got sick in my mouth a little bit. Thanks OP.

LegacyUser

Why are so many people trying to rubbish love with all that 'science' talk.
You may have been hurt in the past, or have yet to find love at all, but when/if you do, you wont need all that science speak, you will be enevloped in a warm fuzzy feeling, and only then will you 'really' know what love is.

Perhaps it doesn't last forever, I certainly hope it does though.

fischerspooner

yes it's a stupid illness created by your brain. It makes you act irationally.

LegacyUser

fischerspooner wrote:

yes it's a stupid illness created by your brain. It makes you act irationally.

You know, you could be totally right, but if thats what it is, then I like it, I like it a lot, and I hope it lasts forever.

So is it the same illness that fools you into loving your children, parents etc?

fischerspooner

loving relatives is a completely different thing. Someone told me they loved me once and they barely knew me at all.

monkeyfudge

I love lamp!

LegacyUser

fischerspooner wrote:

loving relatives is a completely different thing. Someone told me they loved me once and they barely knew me at all.

But how is it different?
I am not trying to challenge you, I am just genuinely curious.
I love my boyfriend, we have been together for 3 years, and plan on being together for the a long time to come.
If something feels so good and so right, how can it be an illness in the brain?
And how is the love of a relative different?

I know some nut jobs go around saying they love everyone after five minutes, but thats not what I am talking about, I am talking about real feelings for someone. Feelings that have developed and deepened over time, feelings that continue to grow.

LadyJ

I think it's ignorant to say that love has nothing to do with biological forces at work. Of course it does! Feelings of happiness and sadness have everything to do with hormones and chemicals,that's why we have anti-depressants!

Love may be that smushy,sweet,gooey,butterflyesque feeling deep down inside but how do you think that comes about?

Tar.Aldarion

LadyJ wrote:

Of all the things said on this thread so far,this is the one thing that I don't agree with at all. People say that that is what it's like when you have kids and I can buy into that I guess but I think it's totally different with a partner.

You must always love yourself the most because if not then a certain amount of respect is lost. You can love a person without always putting their happiness before your own. Be considerate but don't be foolish.

Hmm and I disagree with you.
I suppose some people can care for somebody else more than they care for themselves and some can't/think it is silly or something.
Personally care more for them than me. No respect is lost unless you are ridiculously caring for them and are in whipped zone. It's a bit of a trade off. Nobody should 'always' put somebody elses or their own happiness first.

nesf

LadyJ wrote:

Love may be that smushy,sweet,gooey,butterflyesque feeling deep down inside but how do you think that comes about?

Hallmark Cards.

shifty sparrow

"Anyway, after you have had sex, your body determines genetic compatibility with your mate, and then your brain kicks in and releases PEA chemicals which are kinda similar to an opiate and very addictive. These chemicals are designed to make you a little insane so that you stick with your mate and raise children together. However, you build up a tolerance to PEAs after a while, and the endorphins don't give you the same kick, so you fall out of love, become normal again and seek another mate - after 5-7 years.
Biologists reckon this is to spread your genetic code with as many partners as possible, and to ensure survival of your DNA and the species itself"

Well thats the biggest load of poo i've heard in years. Something you might hear from a synical person who relies too much on logic. The very idea of love is entirely unlogical and this is what makes it something to covet.

Your love sell by date statement can be misproven time again and time again. I know about the 7 year itch theroy and i suppose it might be true that some people tend to wonder after a certain time. This is not down to biology its down to personality and choice.

Thats all i'm going to say on the matter, dont bother me with your nonsence.

LadyJ

nesf wrote:

Hallmark Cards.

Hmm....perhaps you're on to something!

SexeeAussie

Love is something that you cannot quantify....everyone has their own experience of what love is/means......

It can be the little things (the butterflies in your tummy) or the bigger ones (knowing that you want to spend your life with the one person).

No one can tell me that what I feel IS or ISN'T love......cos it just 'is'.

:-)

Nice to hear sooo many lovely stories here too

deisedevil

Love was something made up by Hallmark to rip us off on valentines day!:D

Seriously though i gotta say i don't believe in love, i do believe in caring for someone, this love thing is a romantic notion in my opinion.

Hagar

No point asking me, I'm married.

joejoem

Hagar wrote:

No point asking me, I'm married.

lol

Siogfinsceal

awww kernel,, you do make me smile thats such a lovely outlook on relationships ;-)

Kernel

shifty sparrow wrote:

Well thats the biggest load of poo i've heard in years. Something you might hear from a synical person who relies too much on logic. The very idea of love is entirely unlogical and this is what makes it something to covet.

Your love sell by date statement can be misproven time again and time again. I know about the 7 year itch theroy and i suppose it might be true that some people tend to wonder after a certain time. This is not down to biology its down to personality and choice.

Thats all i'm going to say on the matter, dont bother me with your nonsence.

Sorry, but whether you don't want me to bother you with my 'synical' (sic) 'nonsence' (sic) or not, the fact of the matter is that my statement is scientifically proven.

http://samvak.tripod.com/lovepathology.html
http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/3-27-2004-52238.asp

Don't you think that personality is affected by brain endorphins?

Kernel

Siogfinsceal wrote:

awww kernel,, you do make me smile thats such a lovely outlook on relationships ;-)

I'm just an old cynic, like Hagar by the sounds of it!

Siogfinsceal

well aparently like sex, chocolate also releases endorphins so i would have to say yes my personality is affected im not half as b*tchy when i have my chocloate

PeterGriffen

sillysausage wrote:

You know, you could be totally right, but if thats what it is, then I like it, I like it a lot, and I hope it lasts forever.

So is it the same illness that fools you into loving your children, parents etc?

God, I wish I felt love like this. I always feel bad that I don't feel love as intensely as other people seem to. It's not just with my girlfriend, I know I wouldn't be able to get that kind of intense feeling for anybody at all. Curse my cold, dead, black, empty shell of a heart.

nesf

Kernel wrote:

the fact of the matter is that my statement is scientifically proven.

It isn't scientifically proven Kernel. There's some decent evidence to support it but it's not proven in the sense you are using. It's not as simple as you seem to think it is.

Slutmonkey57b

Mr. Griffin: You lucky lucky bastard as a man chained to a wall once said.

Sarky

Love is rather nice. Everyone should try it at least once, I think.

Kernel

nesf wrote:

It isn't scientifically proven Kernel. There's some decent evidence to support it but it's not proven in the sense you are using. It's not as simple as you seem to think it is.

You don't accept the studies as scientific proof? I have to say, the fMRI scans and testing of chemical levels is enough for me. Plus, it makes sense, the honeymoon period doesn't last forever unfortunately (although is replaced by other feelings of security/comfort).

Kernel

Sarky wrote:

Love is rather nice. Everyone should try it at least once, I think.

Maybe so, but it's also responsible for a lot of serious psychological issues - just look at PI. We should abolish emotion like the vulcans or in the movie Equilibrium...

We could ban movie remakes while we are at it.