Maintenance Recovery Letter (ExGirl Friend advice)

Musashi

Personally speaking I'd get the proof (DNA Test) unless you don't need it. Have you seen this baby and does it look anything like you? If it does or doesn't may mean nothing but it might help you develop a relationship with this baby if it looks like "one of yours". Seems it's a genetic trait from way back to want to take care of our own?
If the DNA test is positive and the mother is mad as a Loon, I'd be seeking sole custody of my child, having a child is tough, but having your offspring ill-treated is unthinkable! Take the test and see how you go, kids are nuts and a lot of work, but a lot of fun as well. I know it complicates your situation and indeed your life, but your child will need you to man up if necessary and take care of things. And it is worth it when a tiny little human wants a hug from "Daddy".

seamus

I've not read most of the replies on this thread but;

1. If you are written down as the father on the birth cert, you have few rights, even the right to claim that the birth cert is false is unrealistic :mad:

2. Your best bet is to hire a solicitor and get a DNA test. If she refuses to allow you to take a cell sample from the child, this is your best defence in court (why would she disallow a simple swab if the child is yours?), otherwise get the test and use it in court, should it turn out negative.

Have you seen this baby and does it look anything like you?

Studies have shown that people will claim a baby looks like its parents, even when they're not the biological parents. Nothing but a DNA test even resembles reliability in this case.

*Page*

It is unadvised to put in a coil if you have never had a child. Well woman centre won't put them in unless you have either had a child or miscarriage.

Nevyn

seamus wrote:

if you are written down as the father on the birth cert, you have few rights, even the right to claim that the birth cert is false is unrealistic :mad:

As he was not married to the mother of the child his name will not be on the birthcert,
as to have the the father of a child cited on the birthcert when he is not married to the mother,
he would have to go and sign the forms and the register at the office of the register for births and deaths and anyone doing so is asked for photo ID.

neady

Guest 510 wrote:

I And that would probably come down to the judge ordering a DNA test. (And I don’t want that.) (After all it her word against mine until a test is done.)

Oh for god sake man...grow a pair of balls and take some responsiblity. The child may not be yours BUT then again it could be!

MF2HD

Op this is Ireland you're talking about. Its not some fantasy movie story line you're taking part in here with all your what ifs and orders from judges. Have you ever been to the family court in this country. Its a sorry place I can tell ya. Full of real heart breaking stories. And a system full of let down fathers and heart broken mothers.(and destroyed children no doubt).

As some of the other posters have told you, real and sensible advice needs to be sought out and responsibilities(if any) need to be face up to.

Its not some fictional character were all talking about here, its a small child, regardless of how sane or not the mother is.

Civilian_Target

OK - in the case that you are the father - have you considered that it might not be a great plan to leave your child entrusted to a woman you've described a being mad?

rsynnott

turbot wrote:

In my mind there are a couple of important issues here:

1) During the relationship, she advised you that she was taking thorough preventative birth control measures. You did not set out to get her pregnant, and arguably were sexually responsible in not using condoms *because* you trusted she had appropriate contraceptive measures in place.

There's still the issue of disease, surely?

MadMoss

I was in a somewhat similar situation. However it worked out in the end , after alot of pulling of hair and nashing of teeth! Sometimes I think that's what having children is all about.
My relationship with the mother was awful at first. However, when it is necessary to maintain some kind of relationship eventually the best possible relationship will itself work out. In my case we finally seen eye to eye, its the best we are ever gonna get. But the relationship works, and i have played the important role of father to my son, and helped make him the man he is today. You can do the same (,if he is your child).
Do not fall in to the trap of punishing the child for the sins of the mother, even if she starts using the child as a pawn in a game of finances. If the child is yours i urge you to do the decent thing for the both yours and the childs sake.

Lemming

A lot of good advice has been given here regarding DNA tests & solicitors. If it transpires that you are the father, whether or not you like it, you should support your child. I don't know how payment works, but perhaps you could state that you are perfectly happy to meet the child's costs, but not the living expenses of the mother.

There is of course the whole issue of the child being in the care of someone who has, at best, a precarious mental stability. In which case there's a whole other can of worms to open. I know I'd not be thrilled about leaving flesh and blood in such a situation. Not to mention the fact that you don't know what is being told to your child about you.

Belle_Morte

That's an unbelievably harsh way to find out that you're a father, if indeed you are. I can't imagine what you must be going through, it sounds like a total headf*ck.