No sex, wtf can I do?

LegacyUser

I'm going unregged for this, because there's no way in hell I'm writing this regged.

The story is that as yet: I'm 24, I've no girlfriend, never did, nor have ever kissed a girl. The problem is that I'm not great looking, yet my goal is the beautiful women (not model quality, just beautiful), and I have a "never 2nd best"" rule, whereas if I go (meet/kiss/shag) with someone, its cos they're beautiful, and not any women just so I can get laid.

My problem, or fear, is that if I got an ugly one back to a bed (or alley), I wouldn't be able to get a hard-on, thus wouldn't be very nice (for neither her nor me), as what greater insult can you get?

So, as this is not a topic that I'd be able to talk to my mates about, I thought I'd post it here, to see if I'm the only one with ths problem, or if someone else had this problem, but found a way to overcome it.

sideFX

you will don't worry but I suggest you learn to walk before you crawl

mad m

b0b2028 wrote:

My problem, or fear, is that if I got an ugly one back to a bed (or alley), I wouldn't be able to get a hard-on, thus wouldn't be very nice (for neither her nor me), as what greater insult can you get?

And what great respect you have for women(Alley)....The way your thinking is right now about women,you dont deserve one....

Laguna

b0b2028 wrote:

I'm going unregged for this, because there's no way in hell I'm writing this regged.

The story is that as yet: I'm 24, I've no girlfriend, never did, nor have ever kissed a girl. The problem is that I'm not great looking, yet my goal is the beautiful women (not model quality, just beautiful), and I have a "never 2nd best"" rule, whereas if I go (meet/kiss/shag) with someone, its cos they're beautiful, and not any women just so I can get laid.

My problem, or fear, is that if I got an ugly one back to a bed (or alley), I wouldn't be able to get a hard-on, thus wouldn't be very nice (for neither her nor me), as what greater insult can you get?

So, as this is not a topic that I'd be able to talk to my mates about, I thought I'd post it here, to see if I'm the only one with ths problem, or if someone else had this problem, but found a way to overcome it.

You wonder why you're in this situation when you have an attitude like this?. You said you think you're not great looking, how would you feel if one of these vaunted 'beautiful women' you desire took one look at you and labelled you ugly in the same casual manner you do to women. You're shallow and arrogant, try losing these 'qualities' of yours and see how you fare.

dundalk cailin

well you have never kissed a girl, why not start there, as sideFX said.. your standards seem a bit too high, it seems to me, that is probably what your problem is?

AARRRGH

Never kissed a girl at 24? And you have such incredibly high standards?

Me thinks someone is living sightly in denial here.

What ever happened to the girls personality?

Why are girls either beautiful or ugly?

susanna

Have you ever thought that maybe you should give some girls a chance? Because if you're trying to find Cameron Diaz you could be waiting a while. If you're so obsessed with a girl's looks, this attitude may come across and its not exactly endearing. I think you need to loosen up and stop being so judgemental. When you're out, just get chatting to some girls, even if they don't look like supermodels! You might get on well, and maybe you'll find there is something attractive about them. Dig beneath the surface a bit and see how it goes.

I've liked guys who might not be considered classicly good looking, but there are other things that make them attractive, like personality, sense of humour, the way they carry themselves, etc. Just open your mind a bit. Also remember - beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I'm surprised you're holding out so long to kiss someone, its really not a big deal. I've kissed plenty of people in my time who I wasn't that into, its just a bit of fun. It's not like I'm 'settling for second best' - I'm fussy about who I'll have a relationship with. I'm independent and generally like being single, so I won't give that up for just anyone. But a kiss doesn't have to mean anything

Are you just looking for a shag or for a relationship?

AARRRGH

Well, if he's never kissed someone by 24, something is seriously wrong. And something tells me it's not his standards in women.

OP do you have other strange issues in your life? (things that you feel/do different than most other people?)

Laguna

DublinDude, just because he hasn't kissed someone by 24 doesn't indicate there's something 'seriously wrong' with him. Maybe he didn't have the drive in his teens and only became interested in girls later on. His main problem seems to be his ridiculous attitude concerning his 'standards'. Ever hear of the phrase beggars can't be choosers bob2028?

dundalk cailin

i agree with susanna, i have fallen for guys who werent 'hot' in that sence of the word, but had top personalities, sometimes the really good looking ones have nothing under the surface, they're shallow cos they know they look good. Also if i was with a really good looking guy, id think oh he's too good looking for me, and think that people were looking at me saying who does she think she is with him? you might be attracted to someone by theire looks INITIALLY but its not the basis for a lasting relationship, if you dont connect on a deeper level. also you say your not the best looking, if you did 'pull' a stunner, would you not think oh she's too good for me? im not saying that it wouldnt work, but maybe your aiming too high, esp as you have never even kissed a girl

Laguna

dundalk cailin wrote:

Also if i was with a really good looking guy, id think oh he's too good looking for me, and think that people were looking at me saying who does she think she is with him?

I smell an inferiority complex!, not everyone has one of these dundalk cailin. If I happened to meet and start a relationship with a nice looking girl, I wouldn't give a **** if people thought I wasn't rugged enough to be seen around with her, I'd be of the opinion if, in her eyes, I was good enough for her to want to be with me, what else matters?

dundalk cailin

as i said thats me, of course not everyone has the same opinion, im just saying, i wouldnt have a huge amount of self confidence esp when it comes to the opposite sex, id think why would he be interested in me, when there's so many more better looking girls out there

pbsuxok1znja4r

bob wrote:

I have a "never 2nd best"" rule, whereas if I go (meet/kiss/shag) with someone, its cos they're beautiful, and not any women just so I can get laid.

I'm not telling you to lower your standards here, but, where has that rule of yours gotten you so far? You should never make hard and fast rules when it comes to romance. It just doesn't work.

Also, considering you've never kissed a girl, the name of this thread should be "no kiss - wtf can I do". Try to aim for a kiss first, ffs. You come off looking really sleazy when you just complain about no sex.

Now, in principle, I disagree with all the people who just post things like "Lower your standards", because I don't think that can easily be done. This may sound shallow on my part, but I highly doubt if ugly people magically have an easier time of finding other ugly people more attractive. Everyone has the same eye for beauty, whether they themselves are beautiful or not.

OP, regarding your own attractiveness, you should do what little you can to try and polish up your appearance. Gym-work, etc etc. But don't make all the emphasis on your appearance and trying to get laid by having a six-pack. That alone won't work.

There's no helping it. You're just going to have to develop lots of confidence and a kickarse personality.

Laguna

dundalk cailin wrote:

as i said thats me, of course not everyone has the same opinion, im just saying, i wouldnt have a huge amount of self confidence esp when it comes to the opposite sex, id think why would he be interested in me, when there's so many more better looking girls out there

Have you heard of the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?. Just because you don't think you're pretty, how do you honestly know that loads of men think you're gorgeous?, don't just say "I know they don't" because you don't, no one knows what anyone else is thinking. Anyway, the girls I find the most attractive are those who don't know or think they're cute, there's nothing more unappealing for me than a girl who knows she's good looking. For the record, I don't think I'm good looking, it used to bother me when in my teens but now I've hit the ripe old age of 22, I could not care less what I look like, if a girl is going to instantly dismiss me because I'm no oil painting, she's a shallow waster in my opinion.

susanna

scouser.tommy wrote:

Now, in principle, I disagree with all the people who just post things like "Lower your standards", because I don't think that can easily be done. This may sound shallow on my part, but I highly doubt if ugly people magically have an easier time of finding other ugly people more attractive. Everyone has the same eye for beauty, whether they themselves are beautiful or not.

I get the impression that he's living in some fantasy land where he's going to bag Angelina Jolie or something. In reality, there are plenty of nice looking girls out there who also have some personality (I find that always helps!) but it seems the OP is dismissing them without giving them a chance. It sounds to me like he's very shallow and needs to mature a bit

The emphasis should not be 100% on looks

Laguna

Why the **** are people so quick to segment people into the categories of beautiful/ugly?!, I've seen VERY FEW truly 'ugly' people in my life, it's such a ****ing harsh word. The fact is, the majority of people are normal looking, with the occasional good looking person, do people really know what they're saying by defining people as UGLY?. Talk about your extremes, by the OP's sentiments, girls seem to only fall in one or the other category.

dundalk cailin

Laguna yea i agree with you, it stems from teenage years (not that ive actually left them yet!) where my friends were gorge girls.. now its not so bad, im more comfortable with me, and try to adopt that attitude that if he doesnt like me for me, then its his loss, but i find it hard to really believe guys when they tell me im pretty, even if they say they do mean it.. i dont say it in a compliment seeking way, just a surprised way, if you follow?

Dizzyblabla

b0b2028 wrote:

My problem, or fear, is that if I got an ugly one back to a bed (or alley), I wouldn't be able to get a hard-on, thus wouldn't be very nice (for neither her nor me), as what greater insult can you get?

As you've never given any girl the opportunity to 'seduce' you, or even come anywhere near you, how are you to know how difficult it would be for you to get aroused? You'd be surprised how easy it is to get aroused by a simple touch of the lips...

But are you sure that you're thinking the right thing here? Maybe you're looking for the unattainable, because you don't want it? You seem awfully confident for someone who's apparently never been with a girl in any kind of sexual way at all, but are you sure it's a girl you want to be with?

susanna

Laguna wrote:

Have you heard of the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?. Just because you don't think you're pretty, how do you honestly know that loads of men think you're gorgeous?, don't just say "I know they don't" because you don't, no one knows what anyone else is thinking. Anyway, the girls I find the most attractive are those who don't know or think they're cute, there's nothing more unappealing for me than a girl who knows she's good looking. For the record, I don't think I'm good looking, it used to bother me when in my teens but now I've hit the ripe old age of 22, I could not care less what I look like, if a girl is going to instantly dismiss me because I'm no oil painting, she's a shallow waster in my opinion.

Agree completely

Dundalk Cailin, I used to feel the same way myself when I was a teenager. After a while I had other things to think about and I stopped giving a sh*t about how others viewed me. I relaxed and acted like myself around people, and thats when I started getting a lot more attention from guys.

I know it sounds cheesy but its true, before anyone else can love you, you have to love yourself

Laguna

dundalk cailin wrote:

i find it hard to really believe guys when they tell me im pretty, even if they say they do mean it.. i dont say it in a compliment seeking way, just a surprised way, if you follow?

No, not really, guys are telling you that they honestly find you pretty yet this doesn't seem to be proof enough to you?. Take a compliment at face value, even if the person saying it isn't sincere, you can still enjoy the compliment and I'm sure if guys are telling you that you're attractive, you probably are. Men have a hard enough time expressing these sort of sentiments, they don't say them just to pass the time of day or to pad out the conversation..

dundalk cailin

i have to say, im a lot better than i was in the early teens, and ive gotten more attention from guys, so onwards and upwards as they say

pbsuxok1znja4r

Laguna wrote:

Have you heard of the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?. Just because you don't think you're pretty, how do you honestly know that loads of men think you're gorgeous?, don't just say "I know they don't" because you don't, no one knows what anyone else is thinking. Anyway, the girls I find the most attractive are those who don't know or think they're cute, there's nothing more unappealing for me than a girl who knows she's good looking. For the record, I don't think I'm good looking, it used to bother me when in my teens but now I've hit the ripe old age of 22, I could not care less what I look like, if a girl is going to instantly dismiss me because I'm no oil painting, she's a shallow waster in my opinion.

TBH I kind of disagree with you here. There is a small bit of leeway in people's opinions of who is good looking and who isn't, but IMO beauty is universal and everyone is born with the same sense of aesthetics. It's in our DNA. There are of course a very few people out there who are genuinely perverted and will find the proverbial hunchbacks physically attractive.
For example, there probably is not a red-blooded male on the planet who does not think Monica Belluci is a babe. Probably equally few females who do not think Johnny Depp is a 'bit of gear', lol. I think Shane MacGowan is probably found universally un-attractive in the same way. (No offence Shane, you're a legend).

Of course, I'm talking from a purely physical POV, so there's nothing to say that peronality can't more than make up for it.

BTW I think it's pretty harsh of you to give cailín a hard time for having an inferiority complex. God knows it's probably bad enough without you hassling her over it.

dundalk cailin

i dont think im that bad, or at least not AS bad... im just a normal 19 year old girl, someimes its hard to see why someone would find me attractive, though a few guys tellin me has helped

pbsuxok1znja4r

dundalk cailin wrote:

i dont think im that bad, or at least not AS bad... im just a normal 19 year old girl, someimes its hard to see why someone would find me attractive, though a few guys tellin me has helped

Well for the most part, I'm exactly the same, except guys don't tell me I'm attractive. That'd be weird, what with me being male.

susanna

Yeah, we all have our insecurities, that natural enough. We just have to learn to get over/deal with them

I wonder where the OP has disappeared to?!

susanna

scouser.tommy wrote:

Well for the most part, I'm exactly the same, except guys don't tell me I'm attractive. That'd be weird, what with me being male.

Ah but you're in the 21st century now

dundalk cailin

scouser.tommy wrote:

Well for the most part, I'm exactly the same, except guys don't tell me I'm attractive. That'd be weird, what with me being male.

though i think some girls have a tough time in their teens with bitchy girls, and snide comments, and peer pressure...well i did anyway, i found the teenage years tough in that sence

pbsuxok1znja4r

tortega wrote:

althought he'd struggle to find a good looking one.

Amsterdam, baby! They're all quality there :v: (.....Or so I've heard )

pbsuxok1znja4r

susanna wrote:

Ah but you're in the 21st century now

Ah, it's still Ireland though, isn't it? Maybe in Sweden that mumbo-jumbo would fly, but here you get knuckle-sandwiches for that kind of lark :v:

Laguna

scouser.tommy wrote:

TBH I kind of disagree with you here. There is a small bit of leeway in people's opinions of who is good looking and who isn't, but IMO beauty is universal and everyone is born with the same sense of aesthetics. It's in our DNA. There are of course a very few people out there who are genuinely perverted and will find the proverbial hunchbacks physically attractive.

Well here's a stickler for your theory, I don't find Monica Belluci attractive, she's alright - she's not my cup of tea. Everyone has different tastes, we all like different things and find different people attractive for our own reasons. I for instance think Shannyn Sossamon is gorgeous, yet friends of mine think she's rotten.... Elisha Cuthbert is adored by many, I can't see the attraction... does this mean I'm one of these 'genuinely perverted' types you refer to in your last post because I don't conform to the norm?..

scouser.tommy wrote:

BTW I think it's pretty harsh of you to give cailín a hard time for having an inferiority complex. God knows it's probably bad enough without you hassling her over it.

I'm illustrating to her that there's no need to feel this way about herself, I can see how this would come across as harsh :rolleyes:

dundalk cailin

i dont think its harsh really, just a comment made on a comment made!

pbsuxok1znja4r

Laguna wrote:

Well here's a stickler for your theory, I don't find Monica Belluci attractive, she's alright - she's not my cup of tea. Everyone has different tastes, we all like different things and find different people attractive for our own reasons. I for instance think Shannyn Sossamon is gorgeous, yet friends of mine think she's rotten.... Elisha Cuthbert is adored by many, I can't see the attraction... does this mean I'm one of these 'genuinely perverted' types you refer to in your last post because I don't conform to the norm?..



I'm illustrating to her that there's no need to feel this way about herself, I can see how this would come across as harsh :rolleyes:

No need to roll your eyes, mate. It's just when you say "I smell an inferiority complex", it's not very tactful, and it's damn embarrassing for the person who just confessed to lacking confidence.

TBH I stick by my theory, I'm well aware of such differences in opinion between lads. I've had plenty of debates about it with my own mates. While you may not think Ms Belluci is the most beautiful, you certainly wouldn't say 'no', would you? No straight, available male would, I believe.
For me, though, she's perfect.


[edit:] Find me a Shane McGowan fan-girl and I'll concede the point :v:

sideFX

dundalk cailin wrote:

as i said thats me, of course not everyone has the same opinion, im just saying, i wouldnt have a huge amount of self confidence esp when it comes to the opposite sex, id think why would he be interested in me, when there's so many more better looking girls out there

I was like that once when I was with an absolute cracking looking girl. It soon went though when I looked in the mirror lol, just kidding. It did leave me after a while though. It didn't last and I think it was down to my inferior complex in the end. I think although it left me on the surface and outta my head it still lurked beneath and was picked up on. Do ya know wha I mean?

Chucky the tree

sit on your hand for 10 mintues and have a ****.

Laguna

What exactly is your issue here?, have you nothing to offer the thread other than to try and elevate a statement of mine above it's intended worth?. You took what I said and found some other connotation for it that neither I insinuated nor Dundalk Cailin felt was being implied.

pbsuxok1znja4r

Chucky the tree wrote:

sit on your hand for 10 mintues and have a ****.

This chap is not representative of Liverpool fans in any way, shape or form.

Personally I wouldn't dump a girl just 'cause she had that inferiority thing going on, so long as the rest of her personality didn't suck.

dundalk cailin

sideFX wrote:

. I think although it left me on the surface and outta my head it still lurked beneath and was picked up on. Do ya know wha I mean?

yea i do, i member having the biggest crush on a local guy, who never paid any attention to me, anyway he had a bit of a rep round the town..one night, he started sayin to me, ah ill meet you in the toilets, now this guy is drop dead gorgeous (and knows it) but i just said wtf, what kinda girl do you think i am, i turned him down! no matter how much i thought he was the finest thing walkin this earth, i wouldnt stoop that low..this may seem like a different point, but what i mean is that, cos he thought he could get any girl he wanted, he didnt think he needed to bother with the niceties

pbsuxok1znja4r

Laguna wrote:

What exactly is your issue here?, have you nothing to offer the thread other than to try and elevate a statement of mine above it's intended worth?. You took what I said and found some other connotation for it that neither I insinuated nor Dundalk Cailin felt was being implied.

There's no issue. I only mentioned it in passing. I didn't "take" what you said, nor did I do anything to it. I just read it as it appeared to me. I don't even know what connotation you're talking about. Once she's not hurt by it, then there's no harm done and it should just be dropped ASAP, so don't be getting riled up.

pbsuxok1znja4r

tortega wrote:

you can't make the point you don't find monica belluci attractive unless you've been in her company. you can say that you don't find the pictures of her as suggestive of her attractiveness as other pictures of other famous people.

Fair point, but I'm not basing all of this solely on Monica Belluci. The exact same logic applies to real-life, everyday girls.

Laguna

tortega wrote:

you can't make the point you don't find monica belluci attractive unless you've been in her company. you can say that you don't find the pictures of her as suggestive of her attractiveness as other pictures of other famous people.

You can't suggest in the way that you did that the OP should visit a prostitute to remedy his problems?, how exactly would that help?, he'd have taken part in a sexual act with the prostitute but will likely feel more jaded than before.

LegacyUser

if you're trying to find Cameron Diaz

As I said, not model quality. I don't know. Some curvy women are a big no-no, but some are hot. Suppose its the way they carry themselves, as such.

if you did 'pull' a stunner, would you not think oh she's too good for me?

I see what your saying, but I doubt I'd pull a "stunner". Maybe what I call beautiful maybe a bit down the ladder from what you'd call beautiful.
As for the women who have personality... some are friends, some I have nothing in common with. By the time I "get to know" them, I'd be seen as a friend.

You should never make hard and fast rules when it comes to romance.

Meh. There's a set of rules I live by, and I'm not going to start breaking them now, just to get it on with some woman.

Try to aim for a kiss first, ffs.

I suppose.

he fact is, the majority of people are normal looking, with the occasional good looking person

Don't worry. When I say ugly, I mean ugly. As for "normal": meh. Define "normal". As somoene said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". What alot of people may think of normal, I think is nice.

but are you sure it's a girl you want to be with?

Yes. Never confused in that way.

I did, however, expect this question. Seemingly, unless you get laid by 21, people think your gay/frigid/prude/tight/etc.

can i suggest he visit a prostitute.

Eh, no. Sorry, but I'd prefer to die a virgin than to do so.

AARRRGH

can i suggest he visit a prostitute.

b0b2028 wrote:

Eh, no. Sorry, but I'd prefer to die a virgin than to do so.

Why???? Please explain yourself sir!

Victor

can i suggest he visit a prostitute.

dublindude wrote:

Why???? Please explain yourself sir!

Not everyone thinks exploiting someone for sex is OK.

dublindude, you've been sailing close to the edge, next unconstructive post gets a ban.

AARRRGH

Victor wrote:

Not everyone thinks exploiting someone for sex is OK.

Not everyone thinks paying for sex is exploiting someone (sex for free is OK with you???)

Victor wrote:

dublindude, you've been sailing close to the edge, next unconstructive post gets a ban.

No prob, thanks for the warning.

Red Alert

why do you really care what they look like anyway? once you've seen it once that's it, whereas someone's personality can turn up something new every day. i met an absolutely amazing girl last night, and although she was really good looking it wasn't the first thing i noticed about her at all.

Heyes

b0b2028 wrote:

I'm going unregged for this, because there's no way in hell I'm writing this regged.

The story is that as yet: I'm 24, I've no girlfriend, never did, nor have ever kissed a girl. The problem is that I'm not great looking, yet my goal is the beautiful women (not model quality, just beautiful), and I have a "never 2nd best"" rule, whereas if I go (meet/kiss/shag) with someone, its cos they're beautiful, and not any women just so I can get laid.

My problem, or fear, is that if I got an ugly one back to a bed (or alley), I wouldn't be able to get a hard-on, thus wouldn't be very nice (for neither her nor me), as what greater insult can you get?

So, as this is not a topic that I'd be able to talk to my mates about, I thought I'd post it here, to see if I'm the only one with ths problem, or if someone else had this problem, but found a way to overcome it.

Im sorry, but to be perfectly honest i feel sorry for any girl that ends up with you, because you are clearly only gagging to get your leg over. You have no respect for her and for yourself.
That kinda attitude is going to come back and bite you in the a*s, if you keep thinking of women as some piece of meat. You need to snap out of it and just relax. You clearly have high standards, however do you ever stop and think that when you get to know the girl that they can shine beauty, rather than ness been an absolute oil painting but have no personality. You clearly go for the oil painting, which tbh is going to be your loss.

All i can say is you strike me as a very shallow man

susanna

b0b2028 wrote:

As for the women who have personality... some are friends, some I have nothing in common with. By the time I "get to know" them, I'd be seen as a friend.

Meh. There's a set of rules I live by, and I'm not going to start breaking them now, just to get it on with some woman.

Its not necessarily true that you'll only be seen as a friend if you get to know a woman. Anyway, even if you were friends at first, sometimes the best relationships grow out of friendships.

As for having a set of rules to live by... why? Setting yourself limitations isn't going to get you very far in life (and that applies to everything, not just romance). Life's too short, take things as they come and you might have some fun and learn a bit about yourself in the process

Tusky

This is a very simple problem. So, youre ugly and you want to get with a beautiful lady. Drop your standards & your arrogant attitude and maybe you'l get a peck on the cheek ? Doubtful though, I know I wouldnt kiss you. Although thats because im not gay...but if I were, I still wouldnt kiss you.

Heyes

Tusky wrote:

This is a very simple problem. So, youre ugly and you want to get with a beautiful lady. Drop your standards & your arrogant attitude and maybe you'l get a peck on the cheek ? Doubtful though, I know I wouldnt kiss you. Although thats because im not gay...but if I were, I still wouldnt kiss you.

With solely an attitude like that, nor would i

OP looks are not everything.

i used think they were as a kid but ive shaken that monkey off my shoulder and become a more confident person since.

ill admit i like beautiful women myself but recognise the odd one can be an airhead and wouldnt fall in love with someone until i got to know her and like what i saw.

the 3 most important criteria i think when you see someone you like

1. Are you attracted to them
2. Do you like find them intelligent or funny or both??
3. are they lovely and down to earth??

you'll have to adapt a more wholesome approach to people if you are to find a nice girl and lose that shallow attitude.

LegacyUser

Yes, I'm shallow. So what? The problem is still the same. If I went with an ugly bird, and couldn't get it up, I doubt she'd be very happy about it. A few of my friends say that I "gotta start somewhere", but I don't see where shagging an uugly bird just for the sake of it will help me. And if somehow it did, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to turn myself on for an ugly bird. Which wouldn't be nice, as it'd hurt her feelings.

Also, people think that because I only go for the beautiful people, I aim too high. Meh. What the hell. If you go into a club, and saw a goth/punk/weirdo/etc, would you avoid them? I wouldn't, as they're mostly beautiful. Alot of the "normal" girls are also beautiful, but meh, as most of them proberly see me as a freak, I doubt my chances are high.