cynical of girls??

condra

This ones for the guys. Im sure girls get pissed off with guys behaviour but we hear about that plenty as it is thanks.

Id like to ask you guys,

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

Maybe none of you are as old fashioned as me. Ive always romanticised about having a great meaningfull monogomous relationship, and Ive come pretty close a couple of times.

But really, is it not really difficult to find a real top girl who you know wont cheat on you or treat you like sh!t?

Maybe Im just turning into a cynical oldfashioned idealist. I dont know.

Im not saying lads are any better in general, but Ive often looked around the room and seen nothing but scantily clad women batting their eyelashes at sleazy randy chancers and thought "am i part of this?" "am i going to meet my future wife in this crowd?"

Sh!t Im kinda tripping over myself here, its hard to explain what Im getting at. I just never seem to bump into any modest, self respecting, interesting girls ... hardly ever.

Am I just going to the wrong places? Maybe Im evaluating things wrongly considering that the pubs and clubs are more full of single people.

If I can go up to a girl and talk to her for half an hour before getting in a taxi with her, its hard for me to imagine her making much of a girlfriend. I know, obviously in that scenario, Im just as bad as her, but its just an analogy really.

I expect Ill get some stick off the girls here because of course "men are bastards" ... but Im more interested in hearing how the guys feel about this.

Thanks

Laguna

Yeah, I tend to agree with what you're saying here. Women have become more like men in their conduct than they realise in recent times, for example, girls drink more, they've become more aggressive, confrontational and sexually irresponsible (like men). The recent conclusion I've made is that, yes, the majority of men ARE bastards but women have decided to become this way too.

I meet few girls who I would call girlfriend material, by that I mean a confident , intelligent girl who has a set of moral standards that don't belong in the gutter. By nature, men are the ones who are expected to be the dirty, swearing aggressive louts (I'm not saying this is socially acceptable, it's just societies expectation of men who, by and large, conform to these expectations). Why are more and more women deciding to take the devil may care attitude that is expected of men?, Aren't girls meant to be the more level headed and well adjusted half of our species?.

I'm no saint, whilst I'm not your typical alpha male aggressive bastard, I have failings of other sorts and I'm sure I don't meet the critera for 'boyfriend material' for many, many girls. I just feel that the male and female psyche has become amalgamated in recent times and we, as a society, are becoming more and more androgenous. Look at T.V./film nowadays, the portrayed good looking & successful men are behaving (and looking) more and more femine, whilst T.V.'s interpretation of a successful/attractive woman is someone who displays predominantly male characteristics.


Then again, what the **** am I talking about?, it's not as if I can stem the tide by moaning, I'm too old fashioned, I admit, one thing you can't do is turn back the clock...

Eoin Madsen

I get what you're saying alright. "Succeeding" in a pub/club situation is always a failure of sorts. The type of person you want to meet you won't meet in a club.

The androgeny issue is an interesting point. I'm not sure I agree. I have pretty high and romantic ideals (which my baser instincts tell me are all wrong - I'm starting to think they might be right about that), but I've never thought they were particularly feminine characteristics.

jonny68

Spot on womoma,it seems that quite a lot of birds in this day and age are just like what you described,i wouldn't consider myself old fashioned but i do appreciate elegance,class,a down to earth personality and the ability of a bird to carry herself which IMO is sadly lacking in many ladys thesedays it seems.

i met my present gf in a disco!i was really drunk and persistent and eventually she went with me!that was in february!i started going out with her in july and still going out with her to this day!so you can make a relationship out of a drunken kiss!

Laguna

Deleted User wrote:

i met my present gf in a disco!i was really drunk and persistent and eventually she went with me!that was in february!i started going out with her in july and still going out with her to this day!so you can make a relationship out of a drunken kiss!

Hey I think I saw this movie..

SexeeAussie

womoma wrote:

This ones for the guys. Im sure girls get pissed off with guys behaviour but we hear about that plenty as it is thanks.

Id like to ask you guys,

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

Maybe none of you are as old fashioned as me. Ive always romanticised about having a great meaningfull monogomous relationship, and Ive come pretty close a couple of times.

But really, is it not really difficult to find a real top girl who you know wont cheat on you or treat you like sh!t?

Maybe Im just turning into a cynical oldfashioned idealist. I dont know.

Im not saying lads are any better in general, but Ive often looked around the room and seen nothing but scantily clad women batting their eyelashes at sleazy randy chancers and thought "am i part of this?" "am i going to meet my future wife in this crowd?"

Sh!t Im kinda tripping over myself here, its hard to explain what Im getting at. I just never seem to bump into any modest, self respecting, interesting girls ... hardly ever.

Am I just going to the wrong places? Maybe Im evaluating things wrongly considering that the pubs and clubs are more full of single people.

If I can go up to a girl and talk to her for half an hour before getting in a taxi with her, its hard for me to imagine her making much of a girlfriend. I know, obviously in that scenario, Im just as bad as her, but its just an analogy really.

I expect Ill get some stick off the girls here because of course "men are bastards" ... but Im more interested in hearing how the guys feel about this.

Thanks

Womoma....I have to say I think you are lovely.....I have read a lot of your posts and at times I think (don't take this the wrong way) you have a very 'female' way of looking at things.

As for meeting your 'future wife' at these places....who knows? It depends on how old you are and all that sort of stuff.

Gotta experience a lot of life I reckon, before you settle down.....

I love your attitude...I really do.

Good luck, I am sure you will do fine babe.

Rach

jrey1981

I think there are plenty of great, gorgeous and intelligent girls and potential girlfriends out there...

But as Eoin said above, you are not necessarily going to find them trawling pubs and clubs.

You have to look in the right places and think about where you might encounter a kindred spirit who has looks, brains and personality, if that is the kind of girl you are after.

There are exceptions of course, but in a different setting you can approach someone and talk to them on a different level to the pub/club environment where it is kind of taken as read that guys hitting on girls may very well just want a bit of fun and nothing more...

Today I was at a do with quite a few gorgeous, interesting and intelligent girls in attendance...there were at least several girls I would like to get to know better....and my standards are probably too high for my own good.

Zillah

womoma wrote:

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?

You're looking for friendly, down to earth girlfriend material in a nightclub?

Thats mistake number one...

Linoge

Hundreds of pubs, hundreds of people in each pub. Are you sure that you're noy just being lazy about the whole thing? You're not just going to Copper Face Jacks or Annabels are you?:eek:

chump

womoma wrote:

Id like to ask you guys,

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

No I don't agree. You just aren't looking in the right places/hanging with the wrong sorts. And/or forming an opinion too quickly.

womoma wrote:

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

Some girls dress tacky and slutty on nights out for the fun of it. It's like dress-up. The behaviour that you might associate which such dress doesn't necessarily go hand-in-hand in these situations. My advice would be to give these girls a chance, maybe go on a few dates with them - I'm fairly sure you'd find there's more to them than how they dress on nights out.

As for the backstabbing thing, yea there definetely is a set of people who are just begrudgers and backstabbers, I think we've all experienced this ... just skip over these people and have nothing to do with them...

Heyes

womoma wrote:

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

Okay a number of people have said that there isnt a hope in hell of you finding girlfriend material in a nightclub etc, Id like to disagree, yes granted many a guy im sure is just looking for a bit of fun.
But to be honest its how you carry yourself and how you present yourself to its not case of just a random score. For example you not litterally jumping into the girls pants, your just talking away and having a laugh, im telling you now that makes such a difference to a girl (well me anyway) when a guy talks away and you have a laugh, instead of this gut feeling that all he wants to do is get into your pants.
What you should do is, if you see a girl your intrested in, just be you, be comftorble in been the person you are , instead of some randy drunken muppet.

womoma wrote:

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

Unfortunately there s too much backstabbing for my liking, why do people have to go around hurting each other for the sake of some " fun " , if your actually honestly intrested go for it, dont be going around selling yourself for some cheap fun.

womoma wrote:

Maybe none of you are as old fashioned as me. Ive always romanticised about having a great meaningfull monogomous relationship, and Ive come pretty close a couple of times.

Your not been old fashioned, who has nt dreamed of having a romantic, and meaningfull relationship with someone.

womoma wrote:

But really, is it not really difficult to find a real top girl who you know wont cheat on you or treat you like sh!t?

No offence but it must be the girls your going for, because we are not all like that.

womoma wrote:

Maybe Im just turning into a cynical oldfashioned idealist. I dont know.

Far from it, your just saying what most others want.

womoma wrote:

Im not saying lads are any better in general, but Ive often looked around the room and seen nothing but scantily clad women batting their eyelashes at sleazy randy chancers and thought "am i part of this?" "am i going to meet my future wife in this crowd?"

Sh!t Im kinda tripping over myself here, its hard to explain what Im getting at. I just never seem to bump into any modest, self respecting, interesting girls ... hardly ever.

Well its a two person game, if your going to go up to a girl and be all down her throat, then the girl is hardly going to think that this is going to turn into something meaninfull. As i said before just try and be you, rather than an over s*xed guy, who is only looking for some fun on a Saturday night. I know this may sound really stuipid, but myself and some of the girls have all agreed that it is nice to just sit back and talk to a guy and just have a laugh, rather than thinking he s just trying to get into your pants, or have his bit of fun, maybe that will sound harsh in itself but some lads have made girls feel that way. Dont get me wrong girls have done the same to the lads. We just all need to snap out of it and start treating each other with some respect. !!!

womoma wrote:

Am I just going to the wrong places? Maybe Im evaluating things wrongly considering that the pubs and clubs are more full of single people.

Well dont know where your going to, but any nightclub is pretty much the same in Dublin, just do what ive been saying all along.

womoma wrote:

If I can go up to a girl and talk to her for half an hour before getting in a taxi with her, its hard for me to imagine her making much of a girlfriend. I know, obviously in that scenario, Im just as bad as her, but its just an analogy really.

There lyes one of your problems !!

Look you do seem like a lovely genuine guy, dont try so hard, dont go out thinking well tonight im going to look for a girlfriend, when you look it WONT happen, just relax have a laugh with your mates, and be yourself. And it will happen.;)

vibrant

womoma wrote:

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

What sort of places are you going? I've noticed girls like you've described in various pubs when I've been out and about and they are not the ones I like to linger in! So perhaps you should broaden your pub/club spectrum

Generally speaking, it's fair to say that you're probably not going to meet a potential wife at a random pub or club. I'm a great believer in the right thing happening at the right time. Ever hear the saying "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before Prince Charming comes along"? This can be modified and applied to your situation too I reckon! Just go out and enjoy yourself, and don't get too caught up in the whole "finding somebody" thing.

Beruthiel

jonny68 wrote:

Spot on womoma,it seems that quite a lot of birds in this day and age are just like what you described,i wouldn't consider myself old fashioned but i do appreciate elegance,class,a down to earth personality and the ability of a bird to carry herself which IMO is sadly lacking in many ladys thesedays it seems.

sorry
but if you are the kind of man who call's women 'birds' and are having a problem finding one with elegance and class, I can't for the life of me think why....

Heyes

Beruthiel wrote:

sorry
but if you are the kind of man who call's women 'birds' and are having a problem finding one with elegance and class, I can't for the life of me think why....

Id like to second that....:rolleyes:

Seraphina

men, if you're expecting elegance and class, you'd better bloody well have it yourself!

jptk

You know what...Ive never met a girl who wasnt the typical type the op described! This is kinda sad. Im not saying they are not out there but they sure do a damn good job of hiding

LovelyHurling

The op is correct in a way, every girlfriend ive had, (5 or 6 depending on whether you count the last one) ive known from school/ sport/ college. You just cannot meet a girlfriend in somewhere like coppers or bondi, cos even girls that are really attractive and that ive ended up going out with, i wouldnt tend to think much of if Id first met them in those places.

All Im saying is that a girl with class is important. Personally I find that any girl who burps, sits with her legs apart, is overly loud or vulgar is one of the biggest turn offs you can come across.

After all, we men are attracted to women, feminine women, not some strange hybrid who can burp the alphabet, roar her head off and drink whiskey. Turnoff city.

condra

Hey.

Thanks everyone who posted. Didnt expect this thread would get so much attention.

Im not going to coppers or annabells. Ive been drinking in all sorts of places in the last few years, and while the clientel is different everywhere, my cynicism isnt so quickly quashed.

I think a certain amount of what Ive been feeling lately is a mixture of this "late 20s thing" which seems to hit both sexes!
We start looking for something more meaningfull and stable in our late 20s, and some people probably panic a little about the state of their love life.

I recently withnessed one of my friends, who always swore she loved her independence and would never have a steady boyfriend, cry her eyes out saying she needed a good honest man to marry. Shes 26.

I had a friend in college. We said if we were both single by 30 we would get married. Shes married now.:rolleyes:

Also I think theres a certain amount of guilt. I feel like perhaps Ive slept with more people than I should have, and been unfaithfull too. I dont know what the phenomenom is called, but not trusting ones self seems to make one less trusting of others.

I think (don't take this the wrong way) you have a very 'female' way of looking at things

Ill take that as a compliment Aussie Thanks for being sweet. To be honest Ive always been quite glad to be so sensitive, although some girls do find this extremely wussy!

.... girls that are really attractive and that ive ended up going out with, i wouldnt tend to think much of if Id first met them in those places....

Personally I find that any girl who burps, sits with her legs apart, is overly loud or vulgar is one of the biggest turn offs you can come across.

Lovely Hurling, while I relate to your post I dont completely share your sentiments.
My definition of "ladylike" [for want of a better word] is having self respect and modesty. Ive met some belching, farting, beer guzzling girls who are still lovely sweet modest people.

Ive always considered myself a feminist but I think Im quite a chauvinist too [if thats possible]. Not in the stereotypical way but that I like to stick up for men when they get unfair guff and I think men and women can be just as bad as each other when it comes to being shallow infidels.. etc.

I agree with the point that going out looking for a girlfriend is a bad idea. Most of my previous girlfriends have been friends of friends or those I met in the workplace, where we just hit it off.

I guess if I was forced to simplify my outlook on this topic, I would say Im quite worried at what a bunch of sluts [both m and f] such a large proportion of my generation is.

Anyways, I think this is an interesting discussion. Thanks everyone for taking the time to take part.

LegacyUser

Heyes wrote:

We just all need to snap out of it and start treating each other with some respect. !!!

i think this hits the nail on the head. It's merely the truth that over the past decade (?) or so, men and women, alike, have basically lost respect for each other.

Going out on a Saturday night basically means to have (too many) drinks and score, with a randomer.

And from a female's perspective, and from my own personal experiences (so I can't claim them to be true for all, but I would say they could be a fair generalisation), men who have chatted me up have given not much more of an impression of actually wanting to get to know me rather than the inside of my pants, or just the score.

The art of conversation, of trying to get to know someone before you kiss them, of trying to woo someone over (excuse the verb, I couldn't think of a better one!) is completely gone. It's no longer about trying to score with potential relationship material, but just trying to score.

As for many posters saying that it's hard to find classy, intelligent women on a night out - it's not because they don't go out, it's just because you have not tried to get to know the person before you've shoved your tongue down their throat.

I would consider myself a women with a fair bit of self-respect and intelligence. I don't generally score randomers on a night out, full stop. I have matured out of that - I was a bit of a tramp when I was in my latter teenage years; scoring random males regularly. But not anymore, I have moved beyond that stage in my life.

Definitely, if a potential male approaches me on a night out and makes some kind of effort to talk to me, find out my name, what I'm studying at college and general chat before ramming his tongue in my mouth or groping me all over, then I would have more of an interest.

I think it's a culture we have here that has lost the respect for kissing a partner and for sex in general. On the continent, etc., it's not considered polite or normal to just score on a night out.

Meeting a partner is a natural, romantic ritual. A first kiss between two people should be something that is special - not something that happens after 10 vodkas on a dancefloor between two people who can hardly remember -if they know at all- each other's names.

To the OP, I don't think it is specifically women. I understand what you are saying, but I don't think it can be blamed on men or women, but rather the society that we have created that does not respect any sexual activities, even the simple act of kissing.

It's a fast-moving society that has no time for romance.

Just my tuppence worth

Hugh Hefner

LovelyHurling wrote:

All Im saying is that a girl with class is important. Personally I find that any girl who burps, sits with her legs apart, is overly loud or vulgar is one of the biggest turn offs you can come across.

After all, we men are attracted to women, feminine women, not some strange hybrid who can burp the alphabet, roar her head off and drink whiskey. Turnoff city.

Definitely agree with you. A bit of subtle, sultry seduction always goes further than a girl who's slutty/randy/up for it. Some feminine mystique, so to speak.

womoma wrote:

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

The problem is in the younger girls too, sadly.

In a class today I looked at some of the girls and, although they were good looking, I just didn't feel attracted to them, simply because they were loud, annoying, etc. And there were one or two who would seem so much better in a different group of people.

I have to say I've though the same thing as the OP many times, but luckily my main group of friends are made up of great, down-to-earth girls who always seem to restore my faith in the fairer sex.

the_syco

Meh. The backstabbing ones are the ones that see themselves at the top. Its like king of the hill, tbh. Whomever is on top tries their best to ensure it stays that way.

Personally, if a girl doesn't burp, can't let her hair down, and have fun, I want no part. Sure, that doesn't mean a drunken mess on the floor, but neither does it mean a woman with an 18th century class of morals, tbh.

One other thing: try looking for those that don't have a short belt, are drunk, and hanging out with every guy she see's. I've seen women with a short dress, dress sexily, and still act with class. Its where you go, and where you look, tbh.

jonny68

Beruthiel wrote:

sorry
but if you are the kind of man who call's women 'birds' and are having a problem finding one with elegance and class, I can't for the life of me think why....

Dear me there's always one:rolleyes: birds ive been with in the past had no problem with me using that word,are you like a feminist type who is appalled by this word when in fact quite a substantial amount of men would use that word.

PS-Im not on the market for a bird either i was just making a statement.

It's funny cos I was just gonna make a post like this about guys. I'm 20 and I'm sick and tired of not having a boyfriend and no guys asking me out. It honestly seems like you have to be a slut nowadays to get any action. I consider myself classy, with morals, but I don't think I'm a prude. I go out drinking but I wear modest, nice clothes. Every single time I go out its the girls in the slutty clothes who get all the attention even if there are prettier girls dressed normally. When I do meet guys out, I'll kiss them etc but when I make it clear I don't want to sleep with them they lose interest. I'm amazed at how many girls just sleep with guys from clubs including friends who I didn't think were like that. Just last night my friend went on a first date with this guy and ended up sleeping in his bed. I would never do that and I think thats why I have no luck with guys.

I'm being honest, a lot of people tell me I'm very pretty so it's not because of my looks. I'm friendly, a good friend, really loyal. I'm a bit shy so I find it hard to talk to guys but they could make a bit of an effort to talk to me? I would be a good girlfriend, yet they all seem to go for girls like this girl I know, she's on Erasmus, she has a serious boyfriend at home and she's cheating on him with some guy she met in a club here. She's really selfish and dishonest and it annoys me so much that people like her have boyfriends while I don't. It seems like they prefer girls who 'put out' instead of taking the time to get to know someone. I mean why bother when there are so many girls who are easy?

I just feel so disillusioned and hopeless about ever finding a boyfriend when every guy I meet and like ends up with some slapper just because she'll sleep with him. I honestly feel like just acting the same way, it seems to be the only way to find a boyfriend! I feel like I'll be alone forever and I'm not being overdramatic!

democrates

Some years ago I realised that the most interesting women I'd met over the years have been in college, work, or on night-courses.

It's improbable that if I'd met them out on the town that I'd have found them so interesting, simply because I wouldn't have had the chance to get to know them in the same depth. In fact I could have gotten a completely unrepresentative impression of them.

Based on this I've become more open to women I meet out who may appear ill-matched at first. I try to find out more but at the same time keep the fun element there so it's (hopefully mutually) enjoyable. Though it hasn't got me a wife, I've made some good friends and the social circle has developed in new directions yielding even more potential. All good!

jonny68

Everleigh Jolly Orange wrote:

It's funny cos I was just gonna make a post like this about guys. I'm 20 and I'm sick and tired of not having a boyfriend and no guys asking me out. It honestly seems like you have to be a slut nowadays to get any action. I consider myself classy, with morals, but I don't think I'm a prude. I go out drinking but I wear modest, nice clothes. Every single time I go out its the girls in the slutty clothes who get all the attention even if there are prettier girls dressed normally. When I do meet guys out, I'll kiss them etc but when I make it clear I don't want to sleep with them they lose interest. I'm amazed at how many girls just sleep with guys from clubs including friends who I didn't think were like that. Just last night my friend went on a first date with this guy and ended up sleeping in his bed. I would never do that and I think thats why I have no luck with guys.

I'm being honest, a lot of people tell me I'm very pretty so it's not because of my looks. I'm friendly, a good friend, really loyal. I'm a bit shy so I find it hard to talk to guys but they could make a bit of an effort to talk to me? I would be a good girlfriend, yet they all seem to go for girls like this girl I know, she's on Erasmus, she has a serious boyfriend at home and she's cheating on him with some guy she met in a club here. She's really selfish and dishonest and it annoys me so much that people like her have boyfriends while I don't. It seems like they prefer girls who 'put out' instead of taking the time to get to know someone. I mean why bother when there are so many girls who are easy?

I just feel so disillusioned and hopeless about ever finding a boyfriend when every guy I meet and like ends up with some slapper just because she'll sleep with him. I honestly feel like just acting the same way, it seems to be the only way to find a boyfriend! I feel like I'll be alone forever and I'm not being overdramatic!

You seem like a nice girl and i wish you luck but remember you are only young so don't put too much emphasis on it:)

natter

I've a sort of divided opinion on this topic so I'll just rant on about it for a little while now. OK I'd be considered a fairly alright looking girl, smart, get on with everyone, play sport and have loads of friends but no boyfriend. Now before I give out about the whole nightclub type scene I did meet my last boyfriend in a nightclub and we ended up going out together for a year and a half after a drunk kiss so it does work to a certain extent.

My attitude has somewhat changed over the last few months. I needed a little while after the break up to relax, go out, kiss some boys and that kinda thing, but now I wouldnt mind something a bit more, especially given the fact that out of group on 9 girls I'm friends with I'm the only sigle one!!

The lads here are saying that the can't find girls that aren't dressed in nearly nothing in nightclubs well I can't find lads that are interested in anything more than a shag when I'm out. Are all the people who are out and not just lookin for a feel down the alley after all hiding in the corners or something!

condra

Hey Im chuffed so many people have contributed to this thread.

Izzy - such a charming post. You would be doing yourself a great injustice if you decided to "slut up your act" for the sake of getting more attention and action.
Its the modest decent self respecting girls like you that us disillusioned guys feel there is a lack of. Gimme a hug!

By the way everyone, I think the "where you go" argument does hold some water. I was in Solas last night and there seemed to be plenty of really nice girls around. Trendy interesting friendly down to earth kinda girls.
Was chattin to a few, nothin happened but my faith in women was slightly renewed.

cournioni

womoma wrote:

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

I agree totally, I've been looking for a relationship for this past year and I have had absolutely no success (just the normal kiss, and if I'm lucky the odd one nighter).

Personally, I blame college.

jellie

I think a lot of people act quite differently in a club than they would in normal life. ok well that much is obvious. but its not just a slight difference, its almost as if theres a whole different set of rules (or so they think) for what is socially acceptable.

this thread kind of reminded me of something that happened when i was out last night. i was sitting with my friends, we were minding our own business, none of us being especially loud, none of us scantily clad, none of us asking for attention, when this guy comes over to us behind me, takes a handful of my hair (which is pretty long) and starts rubbing it against his crotch! he then sat down practically on top of my friends bf, pestered him for a bit, and then grabbed my hand and asked me was i gonna go dance with him.. (i declined :rolleyes: )

if this happened during the day this guy would be called a perv at the very least, but happening in a club people would barely even notice.

the point i was trying to make (but it might have gotten lost in there somewhere!) is that it works both ways.

womoma wrote:

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

well i feel like theres very little boyfriend material out there anyway! (or in clubs at least!)

cournioni

sar84 wrote:

well i feel like theres very little boyfriend material out there anyway! (or in clubs at least!)

So basically every guy that goes into a nightclub is a perv, so therefore they're not relationship material?!

jellie

PORNAPSTER wrote:

So basically every guy that goes into a nightclub is a perv, so therefore they're not relationship material?!

no of course not!

just like every girl who goes into a nightclub is not part of the group of "scantily clad women batting their eyelashes at sleazy randy chancers" that the OP claims to find.

i was just trying to make the point that it works both ways

Heyes

sar84 wrote:

no of course not!

just like every girl who goes into a nightclub is not part of the group of "scantily clad women batting their eyelashes at sleazy randy chancers" that the OP claims to find.

i was just trying to make the point that it works both ways

I gotta agree, most lads that are out are only really looking for one thing, rather than something more than a one nighter... :rolleyes:

Zombrex

womoma wrote:

Am I just going to the wrong places?

Yeah, clubs and bars ...

I am always amazed that people go "I just can't meet any nice girls for a relationship in a club" ... why do you think you are going to meet someone you have an geniune interest in and emotional connection to in a place where you can hardly hear yourself think and everyone is drunk and looking for a snog or shag.

If you want to meet someone you could actually have a relationship with try doing at something where you can actually hold a conversation with them for more than 5 minutes. If you are going out to a club looking for miss right you will only end up disappointed and bitter, because you are looking for something most of teh other people in the club are not looking for

annR

I agree with Everleigh Jolly Orange.

>>It honestly seems like you have to be a slut nowadays to get any action.<<

I really know what you mean here and I think it's a vicious circle. I think we all know that guys are basically shy about approaching girls in pubs and clubs. So girls aren't getting approached . . . . . so to get any attention at all, they dress sluttily . . .. .which puts off/intimidates the nice guys who want to meet someone properly . . . . . but attracts the drunken guys who only want one thing. . . . . end result is shag city and as someone put it, a big crowd of sluts. When that happens, clubs are an even worse place to go to try and meet someone in a normal way.

Everyone has a choice as to whether to participate in this or go elsewhere and try something else. I do worry a bit about young women/girls. Acting like sluts just to get some attention . . . it's sad . . . I'm sure a lot of them are basically nice girls and don't really intend to be sluts and end up shagging some guy on a one night stand. They're only young and probably just wanted a boyfriend. At least sluts would get paid for the sex!

womoma

womoma wrote:

This ones for the guys. Im sure girls get pissed off with guys behaviour but we hear about that plenty as it is thanks.

Id like to ask you guys,

Do you ever feel like theres very little girlfriend material out there?

Let me rephrase that, did you ever go out and have a few drinks and look around and feel kinda cheap?
Like our generation [say 18-30] is quite tacky, slutty and backstabbing?

Maybe none of you are as old fashioned as me. Ive always romanticised about having a great meaningfull monogomous relationship, and Ive come pretty close a couple of times.

But really, is it not really difficult to find a real top girl who you know wont cheat on you or treat you like sh!t?

Maybe Im just turning into a cynical oldfashioned idealist. I dont know.

Im not saying lads are any better in general, but Ive often looked around the room and seen nothing but scantily clad women batting their eyelashes at sleazy randy chancers and thought "am i part of this?" "am i going to meet my future wife in this crowd?"

Sh!t Im kinda tripping over myself here, its hard to explain what Im getting at. I just never seem to bump into any modest, self respecting, interesting girls ... hardly ever.

Am I just going to the wrong places? Maybe Im evaluating things wrongly considering that the pubs and clubs are more full of single people.

If I can go up to a girl and talk to her for half an hour before getting in a taxi with her, its hard for me to imagine her making much of a girlfriend. I know, obviously in that scenario, Im just as bad as her, but its just an analogy really.

I expect Ill get some stick off the girls here because of course "men are bastards" ... but Im more interested in hearing how the guys feel about this.

Thanks

Believe i think exactly the same about men all the time
having an optimistic approach sometimes helps though:D

joejoem

This is gas, its funny how many people out there think like this. The problem is our dependance on alcahol based meeting places. I hate nightclubs allot of the time. I have a few different groups of friends from over the years who I would go out with. A night might begin in a pub, but shortly afterwards your going into a nightclub where you cant hold a conversation, where you are jammed wall to wall with people.

If you are attractive you have the forward members of the opposite sex over to you straight away, these people are impossible to get away from. Conversation cant last more than 5 minutes since the only things you can talk about have one word answers. This bases everything on looks. Now I'm quite a shallow person, by this I mean looks are important to me. But I have learnt that they will only go so far. I have no problem with women, I get allot of attention, but how do you know which one to choose? Now that sounds arrogant but let me try to explain. If I am in a nightclub, with a few women to choose from, how am I to decide? Of course, human nature, I will go for the one I find most attractive. But the first private conversation I have with her is either outside the nightclub or in a taxi on the way home.

I may have gone off the point by now. But what are our alternatives? How many people here have tried internet dating? I havent, and find it hard to think of myself ever doing it. The image and reputation that it has for being the last chance saloon is the thing keeping me and many others away from it. Every resorce there is for people matching will be scoured by sharks and sleazebags. Personally I find myself meeting more women in everyday life, in banks, shops etc. While at first you seem dodgy to the person, it is perfectly reasonable to approach someone during the day, you needent clurt out "Will you marry me" but you can ease into it, make it seem accidental. Isnt that how all romantic films start? Not Guy "HOWS IT GOIN< JAYSUS YOU LOOK GREASHHH. I'M JUST SOOOO LOCKED ITS DEADLY ISNT ITSHH"
Girl "OH THANKS< ITS THE NEW ONE BY DKNY"

Just my two sense, not sure if it made sense but just my lunchtime ramble.

Beruthiel

jonny68 wrote:

Dear me there's always one.

one what?

birds ive been with in the past had no problem with me using that word

that has nothing to do with the point I was making

are you like a feminist type

:rolleyes:

Everleigh Jolly Orange

Everleigh Jolly Orange wrote:

It's funny cos I was just gonna make a post like this about guys. I'm 20 and I'm sick and tired of not having a boyfriend and no guys asking me out. It honestly seems like you have to be a slut nowadays to get any action. I consider myself classy, with morals, but I don't think I'm a prude. I go out drinking but I wear modest, nice clothes. Every single time I go out its the girls in the slutty clothes who get all the attention even if there are prettier girls dressed normally. When I do meet guys out, I'll kiss them etc but when I make it clear I don't want to sleep with them they lose interest. I'm amazed at how many girls just sleep with guys from clubs including friends who I didn't think were like that. Just last night my friend went on a first date with this guy and ended up sleeping in his bed. I would never do that and I think thats why I have no luck with guys.

I'm being honest, a lot of people tell me I'm very pretty so it's not because of my looks. I'm friendly, a good friend, really loyal. I'm a bit shy so I find it hard to talk to guys but they could make a bit of an effort to talk to me? I would be a good girlfriend, yet they all seem to go for girls like this girl I know, she's on Erasmus, she has a serious boyfriend at home and she's cheating on him with some guy she met in a club here. She's really selfish and dishonest and it annoys me so much that people like her have boyfriends while I don't. It seems like they prefer girls who 'put out' instead of taking the time to get to know someone. I mean why bother when there are so many girls who are easy?

I just feel so disillusioned and hopeless about ever finding a boyfriend when every guy I meet and like ends up with some slapper just because she'll sleep with him. I honestly feel like just acting the same way, it seems to be the only way to find a boyfriend! I feel like I'll be alone forever and I'm not being overdramatic!

I totally agree its exactly the situation with myself

Nevyn

A woman is only a bird/burd if she goes out with some one who is a worm.
It is to do with basic respect for a person.

pbsuxok1znja4r

Thaedydal wrote:

A woman is only a bird/burd if she goes out with some one who is a worm.
It is to do with basic respect for a person.

I'm pretty suprised that any girl actually thinks saying "bird" is dis-respectful to them. I don't really say it myself usually, but I've done it on occasion and I never had the slightest intent of dis-respecting the girl/s in question.

Okay, fair enough, you hear the term "bird" a lot more often from the type of guy who is a lout and doesnt respect women, but there are plenty of very decent lads out there who have the utmost respect for females and still use that term. It's probably a personal preference though, for the girls. I know girls who don't the term mind in the least, and there are, of course, others like yourself who take exception to the term.

If lads started getting offended when girls called them "blokes" or something, would you not think they were being a bit ridiculous?

Anyway, I have to agree with most of what the OP said. You go out at the weekend to a place/event which is supposedly a meeting point for young people, and the prevailent type of girl is far from girlfriend material. Immorality has become a competition amongst young men and women, it seems. Whoever can show the least sensitivity and the least regard for modesty and humility is the "winner". I totally agree with the chap who remarked that succeeding in a nightclub/pub scenario is always a failure of sorts.

TBH though, we are the fools for ever expecting to find our "future wives" in clubs and pubs in the first place. It is, however, very difficult to find an alternative 'meeting place' these days.

joejoem wrote:

But what are our alternatives? How many people here have tried internet dating? I havent, and find it hard to think of myself ever doing it. The image and reputation that it has for being the last chance saloon is the thing keeping me and many others away from it

Yeah I hear you there. I've never tried any of those kinds of resources and I probably never will. There's too much of a stigma attached to them. I can imagine the reaction of my friends and family if I were to tell them that my new girlfriend and I met on the net. They'd think we were both sick perverts or something. Every other matchmaking resource in the country other than pubs/clubs has a reputation for being for deperate losers.

So, can anyone tell me where all the intelligent and virtuous girls are at?

jonny68

Beruthiel wrote:

one what?

birds ive been with in the past had no problem with me using that word

that has nothing to do with the point I was making

are you like a feminist type

:rolleyes:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

chump

Thaedydal wrote:

A woman is only a bird/burd if she goes out with some one who is a worm.
It is to do with basic respect for a person.

Oh gawd help us...

Nevyn

Off topic posting will result in bans from this forum.
Do read the charter
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

embee

I met my boyfriend in a nightclub in September 2002, and we're still together. I was a little drunk, I got talking to him, we kissed etc. I thought he was cute, and we swapped numbers, met up etc and it developed from there. I think that women these days are a lot more aggressive when it comes to meeting men, and you see that in nightclubs where women are drinking heavily, dressed provocatively etc., but when I met my boyfriend, it was a situation where I was out for a night with a load of my mates, letting my hair down and having a good time. I certainly wasn't looking for a boyfriend. This more aggressive stance that some women take where they almost "hunt" for a man in a nightclub is the difference, I think. It makes a woman seem unapproachable when she is clearly out manhunting. Obviously, had I not been out that night, I would never have met him but I wasn't hunting for a man, not for that night or as potential boyfriend material, so possibly the fact that I was behaving in a genuine fashion is what attracted him to me in the first place. I dunno, you'd have to ask him but I think these tactics of acting aggressively (or like a man, so to speak) are counter-productive.

nobodythere

You're just going to the wrong places. The girls I hang out with are lovely, get into meaningful relationships and if I may say so are absolutely frickin gorgeous.

And I don't mean gorgeous in a belt-for-a-skirt caked-in-makeup blonde-highlights way but the gorgeous that you get when you have to look closely at them. If I'm around on saturday nights in town all I see is a bunch of monkeys in mating season, girls with their arses up in the air trying to pull the best lad they can and lads trying to impress all of their fellow monkeys.

I don't like it. It annoys me that a lot of them would be much better looking without trying to aim for the one image but express their individuality through their looks. But nah I just reckon you're hanging out in the wrong places. Pubs and clubs aren't places to get to know people...

simu

Ask not what women can do for you but what you can do for women. If you were as classy as you all seem to think you are, you would have no problem attracting classy women.

annR

>>How many people here have tried internet dating? <<

I met my boyfriend of 2 years (living together now and very happy) through this. Makes perfect sense to me! I know it wouldn't be for everyone . . . but anyone posting here is obviously comfortable with Internetting I don't see why they would have a problem using it to date someone. It's surprisingly easy to weed out the psychos when you are emailing and talking to them a few weeks before meeting :rolleyes: As for there being a stigma attached to it. . ..well you either worry what other people think or you don't

Love

Beruthiel wrote:

sorry
but if you are the kind of man who call's women 'birds' and are having a problem finding one with elegance and class, I can't for the life of me think why....

Heyes wrote:

Id like to second that....:rolleyes:

*agrees*

condra

you either worry what other people think or you don't

i worry what other people think..

i would consider meeting someone from "da net" especially after the night ive had tonight [ i wont go into it ]
but if anythin came of it we would have to create some elaborate story for friends and family.. something like.. "we met in k3 and hit it off" .. easy.. and worth lying.. me thinks..

pbsuxok1znja4r

Yeah, I feel the same. No man is an island, so of course oyu're gonna care what other people think!

womoma, please do go into it
Yeah an elaborate story would have to be concocted if ever I did try any of that.