Favourite non-explicit insults / put-downs

whiskeyman

**** and **** up you ****.
Seems to be more swaring than ever around at the moment... perhaps its the cold weather / darker evenings with less light and run up to Christmas that gets it out.
Well, I've been trying to give up swaring as best I can, and replace profanities with obscure and bizarre words and phrases instead.
Seems to have odd effects.... instead of someone expecting the usual *******, they seem to stop and wonder "what did he just call me?" and can leave them stumped as they wonder the meaning.

Anyone tried this?
Works a treat

nachos

I'm quite fond of "the hotel of your mind is vacant"

ferdi

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?

whiskeyman

ferdi wrote:

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?

Brilliant!:D

J.R.HARTLEY

i like father teds fupin backstard,
and i had a galway irish teacher that used to say "beidh ort" but it sound like "fhuck ort" she was the biology teacher and introduced us to ballnasc something to do with the hip joint.
so ballnasc and fhuck ort have been my staples over the years

joe_chicken

I don't use non explicite ones...


whats the point when you have such great explicit ones!

I've been trying to give up swaring as best I can

I'm trying to fücking sware more... its fücking great and you get all the fücking chicks

keevita

i find swearing in another language exonerates me from actually swearing ...puta...

failing that, i like 'fathead' as an insult

hullaballoo

My boss called me a lamp yesterday. I'll be using that one

RedRaven

whiskeyman wrote:

**** and **** up you ****.
Seems to be more swaring than ever around at the moment... perhaps its the cold weather / darker evenings with less light and run up to Christmas that gets it out.
Well, I've been trying to give up swaring as best I can, and replace profanities with obscure and bizarre words and phrases instead.
Seems to have odd effects.... instead of someone expecting the usual *******, they seem to stop and wonder "what did he just call me?" and can leave them stumped as they wonder the meaning.

Anyone tried this?
Works a treat

A good one for wanker doormen is....If you get stopped for no reason at the door of a club or pub...ask to see the manager etc to annoy the doorman...usually a senior doorman will say go away or something........ you then reply that you want to speak to the organ grinder not the monkey!!

Angels

ferdi wrote:

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html?

Personally i would never think of those but i will try haha:D

Dyr

Clown related insults work well with people who are threatening or abusive, it shows you're really not too worried about their attitude

"what size shoe do ye take? cos you're only a ****ing clown"

"where's your red nose, ye clown ye?"

etc etc

Sleepy

Are your father and granddad the same person by any chance?

lazylad

Sleepy wrote:

Are your father and granddad the same person by any chance?

Yeah but you could get your lights punched out by an angry family then? what would you do?

Setun

"Thou gleeking scurvy-valiant dewberry!"

Cheers Shakespeare.

Laguna

I don't know if this is right for this thread, but I heard a hilarious put down on the film Shanghai Knights the other night when it was on t.v.

Owen Wilson says to an orphan child something like

"Yeah, parents, you know what they are?, we have parents who love us. You don't because you're a little orphan boy"

LOL

Siogfinsceal

no i love to swear!!

i should tone it down though cos every noun tends to have f**kin in front of it!

DaBreno

In my mid Teen years, calling someone a Homo Sapien used to get a great reaction.
Me "Youre only a Homo Sapien like your father"
Him "I'll break your neck!"

^CwAzY^

"[Thou art] a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality."

That's some deep hurtful stuff there

Siogfinsceal

well they arent explicit :

"You couldnt find your @ss with both hands"

"Not the sharpest tool in the box now are we?"

"You werent dropped as a child - you were thrown"

"'your mother must be so proud'"- sarcastically

shakaman

You must hate gettin up in the morning, all that hope that you had changed overnight but no there it is staring you back in the face as per usual.......ugly as sin. And it'll be like that for the rest of your days.

Hugh Hefner

"You make me ashamed to share your species."

"You lost the human race."

Faced!

joe_chicken

all these things are all very good and clever


... but if you really want to make someone shut up you just need to turn around and tell them to "SHut the f*ck up!"

anything else makes you sound like you just don't mean it and anyway when your angry its hard to think of anything else... well for me anyway

Victor

Don't hurt you knuckles on the way out (for knuckle draggers).

muckwarrior

May the ****e run through you like a goose!

Dades

hullaballoo wrote:

My boss called me a lamp yesterday. I'll be using that one

Love it!

I've heard this shouted after some skanky bird who started a fight in town:

"Go get your two buses home".

Always thought that was legendary.

MiniMetro

I piss on your fathers moustache

Binomate

If a woman ever says to a guy "you will never have to go through the pain of having a baby" for what ever reason. Say back "Judging by the state of you, I don't think you will either".

Dyr

"pi$$ off back to your broken home" was a favourite in my school days

I think this one came from overheardindublin but its class

"looks like her da set her head on fire and her ma put it out with a shovel"

Capt'n Midnight

ye sons of bachelors

pure and chaste, just like her mother

may the lice of a thousand camels fester in your loins

the midwife looked at the afterbirth and said "twins"

whiskeyman

some brilliant stuff here... I'll be using them for sure!
Here's more I've harvested from the web:

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it...

Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Sarky

I practice a Bruce Lee-esque way of comebacks. The highest technique is no technique, the highest form is no form.

Somnus

whiskeyman wrote:

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

Thats a good one and that Shakespeare insulter is funny aswell

Piste

Hugh Hefner wrote:

"You lost the human race."

You FAIL! It's you lose the human race.

I say "You Fail" an awful lot. I also call people a whore for whatever reason.

Ruaidhri

How many times do i have to flush before you go away?

Catsmokinpot

what a waste of 9 months in the womb, get ur father to ask for his money back!

MuffinMonster

I'm sorry I dont speak monkey.:cool:

Pighead

Unfortunately Pigheads had to defend his corner on more than one occasion inside the hallowed walls of boards. For some inexplicable reason people tend to turn on poor Pighead and call him horrible names and sometimes even question whether his account is"4 real",get this lads,they're accusing Pighead of being a GIMMICK!.Unbefcukinglievable).
To counter these vicious jibes Pighead has often been forced to retaliate and has been known to call other posters Ninnys and Spanners.These insults seem to do the trick as there has rarely been any subsequent trouble when these put downs have been dealt out.

Digitally

scumbag "what you looking at"

Decent law abiding citizen "F@*ked if I know mate, but its looking back"

CathyMoran

I am not a great fan of put downs though I do like to curse in foreign languages, mainly Italian - they sound so beautiful even if they are incredibly rude. My best friend taught me some great Chinese ones but I forgot them with time.

My favorite put down is from the Something Happens song Petrol :
"I think I know i've had some when you start to look handsome".

Another classic is "It suits your face" when someone has changed something about their appearance - it has to be said with sincerity or it does not work. One of my ex said this about a mutual friend of ours.

dingding

It is like having a battle of wits with an unarmed man. :cool:

Bettyboop

the lights are on but no one is home.
you are a slice short of a large pan.
You are so mean you,d peel an orange in your pocket
I wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire
live in one ear and rent out the other
take the eye out of your head and come
back for your eyelash.
you were last in the que when God was giving out good looks.
You have an a@@e so big you would need planning permission

Hugh Hefner

Piste wrote:

You FAIL! It's you lose the human race.

Mine's better.

CathyMoran wrote:

I am not a great fan of put downs though I do like to curse in foreign languages, mainly Italian - they sound so beautiful even if they are incredibly rude. My best friend taught me some great Chinese ones but I forgot them with time.

Aye, Chinese is good.

"Ni ya lian zhang de gen lan bi shi de!"
"You have a face like a rotting ****!"

Civilian_Target

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

may the lice of a thousand camels fester in your loins

Better again - "May the lice of a thousand camels fester your loins, and may your arms be too short to scratch!"

Also some good double-barrelled general purpose insults include pube-stretcher, toilet orbiter and cock astronaut.

D

Sorry, what's your point?

This is my caring face.

Sorry, did I say you could talk to me?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Yo mama so fat, when she jogs the cd skips... at the radio station.

Steve_o

Face like a bag of Spanners
Here's €0.20 call someone who cares

Flashling

Your face is abstract art!

NikNik

"You couldn't turn on a kettle!"
"Good luck with the plot."

faceman

I quite like:

"Love, I wouldnt ride you into battle"

Icaras

I,d love to shoot you.....out of a cannon.......into the sun

Sizzler

Lego ! Ur in bits !

ApeXaviour

"Yeah.. your ma!"