Jokes for Java programmers...

dcGT

A LinkedList walks into a bar frequented by Vectors, and says to the barman

"I'll take a Jack Daniels, on the rocks", and the bartender says

"Sorry, we don't serve your type here"

---

Two session beans in love are sitting cuddled close together:

"Oh Jarling, my Singleon!", the female session bean exclaims.

"Let's go Home and Make love.", the male session bean replies.

"But we can't", the female session bean says. "I don't want to create() new() instances."

"Don't worry" the male session bean replies with a smile. "My constructor is protected."

---

Two female entity beans are talking at the bar:

"Hey, have you seen that handsome session bean at the other end of the bar.", the first entity bean says.

The second one, known for being cynical, replies:

"He's probably just a cute Facade and no Content. Besides, he can't keep up a conversation. He's stateless."

---

A Java Programmer recites the Lord's Prayer

/**

@author Ganesh Prasad

*/

import org.religion.*;

public class LordsPrayer

{

public void pray()

{

// Our Father, who art in heaven,

//

God ourFather = Heaven.getGodInstance();

// Hallowed be thy Name.

//

ourFather.getName().setHallowed( true );

// Thy kingdom come.

//

ourFather.getKingdom().setWelcome( true );

// Thy will be done in earth

// As it is in heaven.

//

boolean isWillDone = Heaven.isWillDone( ourFather );

Earth.setWillDone( ourFather, isWillDone );

// Give us this day our daily bread.

//

Bread dailyBread = ourFather.getBread( new Date() );

// And forgive us our trespassess,

// As we forgive those who trespass against us.

//

synchronized

{

ourFather.forgive( this.getTrespasses() );

this.forgive( this.getTrespassers() );

}

// And lead us not into temptation;

// But deliver us from evil:

//

ourFather.removeTemptationListener( this );

ourFather.deliverFrom( Evil, this );

// For thine is the kingdom, and the power,

// and the glory, for ever.

//

for (;;)

{

Kingdom.setOwner( ourFather );

Power.setOwner( ourFather );

Glory.setOwner( ourFather );

}

// Amen.

//

finalize();

}

}

---

-Enterprise Server: waiter on StarTrek

-XML: shirt size between Medium and Large

-LAN-WAN thank you 'Mam

-Relational Database: used to track extended families

-EPROM: what geeks go to in High School

-Spontaneous Networking: what happens when sales reps get together in the same room

---

Why did the Integer drown?

Cos he couldn't Float!

---

Button walks up to a Checkbox in a pub and says

"you're a drunk, you've got it written all over you!".

The Checkbox replies, "don't Label me!".

---

Q: Why did the Java Chicken cross the road?

A: He didn't, he was just referred to on the other side.

---

yo mama's so fat... she get an ArrayOutOfBoundException!

yo mama's so po... she does garbage collection for a living!

yo mama's so ugly... her java.lang.reflect took down the mirror site!

---

A boolean passes a friend in the hall, who notes he looks quite depressed.

The friend vaguely recalls a recent family tragedy and asks,

"Hey, is it true your parents died last week in a Garbage Collection accident?"

The boolean replies, "Yeah, and now I've got no place to live, either."

The friend is shocked, and asks, "But weren't you in their will?"

The boolean sighs and says, "Nope, no will, no inheritance..."


DC.

bringitdown

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Someone shoot me quick

dcGT

Yeah I know....very bad....

DC.

uberwolf

I'm saddened that i got most of those

ixoy

uberwolf wrote:

I'm saddened that i got most of those

Me too. Even worse, my mouth lifted up in a smile at one or two. Possible award for the geekiest jokes I've ever seen...

Ro: maaan!

Oh god.

NeoSlicerZ

uberwolf wrote:

I'm saddened that i got most of those

as am i.... god save us, god save us all!

Raphael

Oh no, worst case here

I got some, and was annoyed I couldn't get the rest

Capt'n Midnight

that rated high on the cringe-o-meter
funny - but ye can't tell them down the pub...

Cake Fiend

I'm disgusted with myself for laughing

Shiminay

Legendary. Excellent stuff.
Karma++

machiavellianme

absolutely brilliant. the integer joke was the funniest thing I've heard ina long time.Cheers. Made me laugh!

Hagar

The integer joke was the only one I got.
But it was funny, I'll have to take your word on the rest.

Stark

Dear God those are bad. The only one I smiled at was the "Java chicken" one, I need to be shot for that.

Farls

Very good, in a bad way though!

enda_4

Must agree some good ones, dat constructor one was funny

Maximilian

01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01100101 01101011 01110011 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101110 01101110 01111001 00100001 00100001

Nasty_Girl

Why do programmers get halloween and christmas mixed up? because oct(31) ==dec(25)

Capt'n Midnight

better get some christmass pressies then.

Btw: for those who wonder about 1's n 0's in excel / openoffice
=char(bin2hex(a1)) =DEC2BIN(CODE(A4))

I/O I/O so it's off to work I go...

Raphael

Maximilian wrote:

01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01100101 01101011 01110011 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101110 01101110 01111001 00100001 00100001

01001110011011110010000001110111011001010010000001100001011100100110010101101110001001110111010000100001

GoneShootin

Sico wrote:

I'm disgusted with myself for laughing

agreed!

jared almasy

ARGH the binary, keep it away from me. but yeh, im doin CA! at the moment and most of those jokes actually made sense...sad

theres also the classic, theres 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who dont...groan

Maximilian

01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101110

Capt'n Midnight

[off topic]
1,1 was a horse
1,2 was 1,2
1,1,1,1 race and
1,2,1,1,2

jobonar

cant believe i laughed, going to hide in the darkest corner i can find now!

ironically was sitting in a Java class while reading those!!

Gurgle

Maximilian wrote:

01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101110

Translation:

49 20 64 6F 6E 27 74 20 67 65 74 40 65 71 2E
Ah, now I see where you're going with this.....

The moderators will not approve.
Expect to be banned.

machiavellianme

Gurgle wrote:

Translation:

49 20 64 6F 6E 27 74 20 67 65 74 40 65 71 2E
Ah, now I see where you're going with this.....
QUOTE]


Really? I dont.Care to explain?

Maximilian

machiavellianme wrote:

Really? I dont.Care to explain?

4F6820666F7220476F6427732073616B6520697473206F6276696F7573206D616E00

duridian

Damn! now I feel like Lisa Simpson

Maximilian

01101000011101000111010001110000001110100010111100101111011011100110100101100011011010110110001101101001011100110110101101100101001011100110001101101111011011010010111101110100011011110110111101101100011100110010111101100010011010010110111001100001011100100111100100101110011100000110100001110000

Gurgle

Maximilian wrote:

01101000011101000111010001110000001110100010111100101111011011100110100101100011011010110110001101101001011100110110101101100101001011100110001101101111011011010010111101110100011011110110111101101100011100110010111101100010011010010110111001100001011100100111100100101110011100000110100001110000

Heh, recursive!

banquo

the lords prayer was the best.

McClane

omg we're sad bastards. :eek:

Ragamuffin

011001110110010101100101011110100010000001111001011011110111010100100000011011100110010101110010011001000111001100100001

easy encoder and decoder