pregnant what to do

LegacyUser

well i'm 7 weeks and feeling very ill.my partner has talked to me. he doesnt want to have it, i cant afford another child. i was very ill on my last one and am getting to that stage again. he wants to get an abortion i've said yes because it seems to be what needs to be done.I dont agree with it never have done nore doubt i ever will. the only thing is, i'm only 20 i've got a child and its hard enough. the baby would be loved but i'm not to sure if i'd cope. i'm depresed enough as it is. i know i'm rambling a bit but i'm totally lost in myself. i need to get out from this rock and hard place.
what i'm asking for is has anyone here been here done this or knows of anyone who has? whats it like? abortion that is, i have my date booked for the abortion but i don't know how i'm going to make myself do it......
does it hurt? how bad is it?? i'm going all out and doing it right going to the proper place and everything..

thank you for your time.....

Oryx

Havent had abortion so cant advise you there, but just had to reply, so sorry you are caught in a very hard situation. You dont sound as if this is really what you want to do. Please dont do it just because someone else wants you to, you wont ever forget it so do it for the right reasons. If you talk more and get more advice before you decide, and then go ahead, fair play. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Beruthiel

I would suggest to you that before you go ahead with an abortion that you talk to someone, you sound very unsure that this is what you want and I believe that you may have a lot of guilt feelings that you cannot cope with afterwards.
If you were 100% sure, then I'd say, no probs, go ahead.

get in touch with a CARA for someone to talk to
there are links on the sticky thread above

best of luck with whatever decision you make
anna



to anyone else reading this thread, I will tolerate no flaming, the girl is just asking for comments on previous experiences – I will not allow this thread to spiral into your own personal thoughts on abortion, any comment such as this will result in a banning
B

Sleepy

Guest, whatever you decide to do, do it because it's what you want to do. Go see an impartial counsellor and talk it through with them because if you're not 100% certain you're doing the right thing, you could very well end up regretting it for the rest of your life (either the abortion or having had the child).

It sounds to me like you're being pressured into this. Don't let anyone make your mind up for you. Take a few days away on your own if you need them, check into a B & B somewhere and take some long walks, go see a counsellor but whatever you do, don't let other people make this decision for you.

Zombienosh

i agree, dont do anything unless you're 100% sure.

seamus

As Beruthial says, there are groups out there who specialise in straight-up talking without judging you.
There's a radio ad for some place, Options I think it's called.
National Pregnancy Helpline tel: 01850 495051
http://www.ifpa.ie/

IMO, I wouldn't let yourself be forced into choosing the option that you don't want to make. As KatieK says, you don't really sound like you want to do it. You have time. Think about your options. While your partner may not want this child, his opinion (IMO) should have very less bearing on yours, because he's not considering the same things as you.
Speaking as a man, he's probably considering the expense, the hassle, the hardship of another child, the emotional side is not much of a concern for him (or not even nearly as much as it is for you). Given the choice between emotional hardship and fiscal hardship, I'd take fiscal any day.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

ven0m

guest1984 wrote:

well i'm 7 weeks and feeling very ill.my partner has talked to me. he doesnt want to have it, i cant afford another child. i was very ill on my last one and am getting to that stage again. he wants to get an abortion i've said yes because it seems to be what needs to be done.I dont agree with it never have done nore doubt i ever will. the only thing is, i'm only 20 i've got a child and its hard enough. the baby would be loved but i'm not to sure if i'd cope. i'm depresed enough as it is. i know i'm rambling a bit but i'm totally lost in myself. i need to get out from this rock and hard place.
what i'm asking for is has anyone here been here done this or knows of anyone who has? whats it like? abortion that is, i have my date booked for the abortion but i don't know how i'm going to make myself do it......
does it hurt? how bad is it?? i'm going all out and doing it right going to the proper place and everything..

thank you for your time.....

POSITIVE OPTIONS
Positive Options is a directory of Irish agencies that provide information on pregnancy in Ireland, adoption in Ireland and information and counselling to women ...
http://www.positiveoptions.ie



::: ven0mous :::

Xterminator

Perhaps i'm worong, but i didnt find you were being pressured by what you've said so far.

Or to put it clearer, not pressured by your partner rather by circumstances.. I understand whare you are coming from when you say you coudnt cope with the pregnancy, and another child. You dont need to make a final decision immediatly. Check out all your options, with CARA or any other non judgemental organisation, that wont try to make you mind for you.

I will also say to you, your probably in shock, your relationship under strain, etc. Things are not always as bad as they look, so dont do anything silly, like taking pills, or dowing a bottle of vodka right now.

Get someone you can talk to (eg Counsellor or family member), and clear your head. Then you will be able to make a rational decision, on whats best for the future.

Finally there are a lot of people who idealogically oppose abortion, and you sound like you may be one. Hell, in an ideal world, i would too. But you live in this world, and have responsibility for your current child, as well as yourself.

So if thats what you decide is best in your circumstances, so be it. Dont le other peoples moral judgments influence you (either way!). Concentrate on whats best for you and your child!

Good luck!

X

LegacyUser

to be honest i dont want to do this, but when the option was given to me to keep it from my partner i declined. i can't go through with another pregnancy. i've talked to people but the problem is its all from paper. they tell me what they can,theres no experience. no real person who's done it. i feel like i get more from reading the leaflets then talking to the people on the help lines.

frodi

As said above talk to somebody impartial. You need somebody who can step back from the situation and be objective for you. What ever decision you make you will have to live with it, none of the options are easy but with the right support you should be able to manage. Good and all as the folks in boards are it's not really the place for much more than general advice and direction. Phone one of the agencies (they are all in the book) and make an appointment asap.

Good luck with what ever decision you make.

cajun_tiger

there will never be a 100% correct decision, esp if you disagree with what you are considering... can you aford to get it done??

embee

I really wouldn't advise doing it unless you are 100% sure. You already have a child and don't know how you might cope, but there are other options... Talk to Positive Options, they are really helpful and can help you make a more informed decision. If you do decide to go ahead with the abortion, its really really important to have counselling before and afterwards for your own emotional health and general wellbeing. Also, try not to let anyone pressurise you into doing it. It has to be your decision on your terms.

Best of luck in whatever you do, though.

uberwolf

how much time does she have. i.e 7 weeks gone, latest abortion under normal circumstances is? does this mean there's time pressure?

somechick

Guest, firstly, i'm sorry to hear that you're in such a delicate situation and seem very scared right now.
But i think you know at the end of the day that if you do go ahead and have an abortion, it would possibly be the best thing in the grand scheme of things. I know you've said you don't believe in it, so i can comprehend what a difficult thing this must be for you to even have to consider but you have to think firstly of yourself, the situation you're in with your boyfriend (it not being very stable right now) and the most important thing really is the unborn child. You have to try and think outside both yours and your boyfriends emotions and feelings, and try and think about the fact that you may be bringing a child into the world, where fristly they risk being resented by their father and even somewhat by their mother due to various factors, e.g. money and time contraints on you both.
I have been through this before, and i chose to have the abortion. To put your mind at ease, it doesn't hurt, you can have a general anesthetic, which knocks you out. Afterwards, you feel like you've got period cramps. I can tell you more about in detail if you want to send me a private email. I don't want to go into this in case anyone else has had one and may feel a little upset by reading it again.
With regard to the guilt or emotion afterwards, i can't pretend it doesn't get to you sometimes but all you can do is look at teh amount of young mothers with children they can't really care for wish they're life was different and it puts things into perspective for you.

Whatever you do, don't feel this is something you have to go though alone, as much as a cliche as that is, there are people who'll help, and like i've said, if you want to talk or ask me anything please do...
take care of you..

Beruthiel

guest1984 wrote:

to be honest i dont want to do this, but when the option was given to me to keep it from my partner i declined. i can't go through with another pregnancy. i've talked to people but the problem is its all from paper. they tell me what they can,theres no experience. no real person who's done it. i feel like i get more from reading the leaflets then talking to the people on the help lines.

Honestly, even talking to someone who has been through it might not help much, because if it was a decision they were ok with taking then you still probably wouldn’t feel any better – I say that because you really sound like you don’t want to do it. Finding someone who did it even though they didn’t want to will probably be a difficult thing to come across.
I perfectly understand you not wanting to go through with another pregnancy, I’ve just had one and that was quite enough for me thanks.

You really have to resolve this decision with yourself, come to terms with it, whatever it is, you have to know in your own mind that you are comfortable with that decision and that it is the right thing for you to do now. You absolutely have to be sure of what you are doing before you do it.
I am truly sorry that you are stuck in such a difficult spot
a

cajun_tiger

uberwolf wrote:

how much time does she have. i.e 7 weeks gone, latest abortion under normal circumstances is? does this mean there's time pressure?

12 weeks for the suction op

24 for full fetal delivery(not advised if you know about it in time for the 12wk one)

Beruthiel

keep on topic please
B

tinkerbell

I agree with everything else that has been said here. Don't go through with anything if you're not 100% sure. Speak to someone about it, preferably someone on the fence, not someone total anti / pro whatever. You have three options, have the baby and bring it up yourself, have the baby and give it up for adoption or else have an abortion. Don't feel pressured into doing something just for the sake of someone else, do what you feel is right (be it going through with the pregnancy or having an abortion).

Best of luck girl.

LegacyUser

i'm sorry i dont have the gutts to post this with my real user id, its just that i don't want certain people to know (certain friends you know yourself)
Thank you all so much for your suport i feel that i should tell you a little bit more about me(with out giving too much),
I don't come from wealth, I don't come from a suportive background. the most suportive person in my life is my partner of only 1 year. I become easily depressed and have been through alot. bad relationship with last father of child abusive ect...
now i am very pro life but voted pro choice for the fact that my opion shouldn't effect others. i'm so confused, i love children and in the future would love to have a child with this person that i'm with. i just know deep deep down inside that its not right, sure its the only reason that i am considering it in the first place. if i was ok to have the baby it wouldn't have had any effect on me at all but it did. i didn't want it, only for about 5 sec was i happy about it, it hurts me to consider that i might have to do this, but i cant have another child, adoption isnt an option i know i couldn't give up a child and neither could my partner, i have 3 weeks to get the money near to 1000 euros and to also make up my mind.......

Oryx

Maybe im picking you up wrong here, but you say you cant get through another pregnancy, but that a baby would be loved. You are at the stage where pregnancy gets really rough and it is hard to see past that. You need all the love and support (and sleep, can someone else do nightimes with your other child?) your partner and family can provide right now to help you make the right decision.

Beruthiel

guest1984 wrote:

i just know deep deep down inside that its not right

if you know deep down then go with that, gut feelings are usually spot on

and don't be so hard on yourself chicken

pretty-in-pink

I have never been in your situation, but I know a few girls who were,

Girl 1:
At 15 her boyfriend and her took a risk, they were young, silly, thought they were madly in love and drunk, she got caught out, and was pregnant. She had to tell her mother- who went through a similar experience (result of which was the girl), Due to school, and youth and stuff she got an abortion. She fell to pieces after it- because she had never really thought about it- just did what the school, her boyfreind and her mother said would be best. To this day (6 years later) she still gets guilt attacks and has some health problems. She gets upset about it- but she has said that it was probably for the best- but she can't help but wonder would the child have been a bot or girl? would they have like school etc.

Girl 2:
One of my best friends, back when we were 16 fell pregnant, she couldn't tell her parents- so she felt, as they would have thrown her out. Her partner turned really cold on her. So she decided to get an abortion- so that she could have her life back, and so that she wouldn't end up alone. She picked out names for the kid- so that she could decide who to remember, after it was done. It was 8 weeks by the time she knew, and her partner had just about enough to pay for the termination two weeks later. I was due to go over with her, as she couldn't do it alone and her partner wouldn't go with her. The day she went to book it, though at this point she was only doing it for her partner and fear of her parents and money problems, she miscarried. She fell apart, and thought it was her fault for wanting it dead in the first place. I held her after school each everning and at weekends cause he didn't want to know, he didn't understand her pain.

Girl 3:
She went to eight weeks, miscarried and was relieved. Her and her fella got back on track and shes happy now.

Girl 4:
A very close friend of mine went to seven weeks, miscarried and felt mixed up- sad and relieved. (she had been attacked by her cousins boyfriend, thats how the baby came about) cause she hadn't told anyone, and was to afraid to go to a doctor for the morning after, when she did the test she was so upset at first, but got used to it, started to think bout having a kid and working up the guts to tell someone. By the time she was ready to do all that, she miscarried. While she didn't feel guilty or depressed, she was sad for what could have been, but happy that she could put the incident behind her. She told on the guy and tried to bring charges, but didn't have enough evidence, as her cousin stood as his alibi for the time of the attack.


Anyway my point is go for councelling, make sure you want it for you- cause you can get support if you have another kid- its there for you, if you don't want another baby, but don't want an abortion then you can adopt. Talk to some professionals, cause its a lonely place and only you will feel the full extent of it. Noone i know has felt happy after losing an unborn child, but 50% of them were ok with it.

neuro-praxis

If you decide to have the baby, you will have to live with the extra burden and responsibility, but you will have financial and emotional support from state appointed bodies if you choose to accept it, and hopefully, from your partner. There is also adoption (or foster care until you get back on your feet) to consider.

If you decide to abort the baby, you will have a different kind of emotional burden, and you are increasing your chances of clinical depression later in life by up to 138%.

Whatever you decide, don't be alone in this. See a counsellor immediately and allow him or her to help you make a decision that is best for you.



Good luck.

Beruthiel

neuro-praxis wrote:

Ifand you are increasing your chances of clinical depression later in life by up to 138%

in your opinion
everyone is different..
please do not come in here to scaremonger

back to the topic
B

koneko

neuro-praxis wrote:

... and you are increasing your chances of clinical depression later in life by up to 138%.

Links with facts/statistics to back that up please?

climaxer

Hi Guest1984 - you have gotten some great advice here and the first thing would be to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend. Discuss each option together and be totally honest. The helplines are great too for advice on where to go if you do decide to have an abortion. You already know what its like to be a Mammy and therefore you know how hard it is to rear a child and go through pregnancy etc. The question is which decision would be easier for you to live with. If you keep your baby and its very hard but you get by and things sort themselves out in the long run or could you live with the guilt when you watch you're other child growing up. It is such a personal choice that nobody can make it for you - no matter what advice we give you - its you who can make that choice. I would like to wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide.

Like naughty girl I know a few people who've had an abortion:

One girl had the abortion and regrets it to this day. Always cries when she's drunk and when the child's due date comes up every year she is heartbroken. She wonders "what if" and it eats her up inside and she says hardly a day goes by that she don't think about it.

The other girl whilst she does wonder "what if" she is glad she made the decision and believes it was the best option as she wouldn't have been able to give the child a decent upbringing.

I think the main thing which is being echoed here is to follow you gut feeling and don't be pressured into any choice as it is ultimately a big life changing decision whatever you choose.

Sleepy

koneko wrote:

Links with facts/statistics to back that up please?

Actually, can you not provide either? This isn't the place for that debate.

koneko

I agree, it just bothers me when people post something up as a fact when they can't back it up, it doesn't help the original poster at all. I'd say leave it out of this discussion, yeah.

The_Conductor

guest1984 wrote:

it hurts me to consider that i might have to do this, but i cant have another child, adoption isnt an option i know i couldn't give up a child and neither could my partner,

Something to consider vis-a-vis the adoption avenue, is the possibility of an open adoption. That is, you would have the right to visit your child and be a part of your childs life even though you have given your child up for adoption. I'm friends with a person here on boards in a similar situation. While the Irish Adoption Act does not officially recognise open adoption- in her case it meant that she got to choose the parents for her child, and has a legal agreement whereby her rights are recognised by the adopting parents.

Adoption need not be the painful experience of yesteryear.

Whatever choice you decide to make- take care of yourself, try to get as much impartial advice as you possibly can, and remember that at the end of the day, your first priority is to yourself. Best wishes,

S.

uberwolf

my own family is in a similar situation to this open adoption, my parents took in my little sister. I love her to bits and she is really happy and well cared for. Her natural mum has always had access to her and goes away with her on trips and everything now that she is old enough. She was aware fairly early that she'd two mums.

You seem to not want to proceed with the abortion (Thats my reading), there are alternatives if you wish. I don't envy you, good luck.

koneko

Yeah, best of luck to you pet and don't rush into a decision, be sure you feel right and comfortable with whatever you choose.

Wolf

Your own decisions you can learn to live with, other peoples are much harder.

Im quite anti-abortion, however I meet this girl once that had a friend do it and she spoke so possionatly about how it was for the best that I could see that maybe in that case that.... myabe..... it was right for that girl. My point is that no one direction is right for one person. We all have are own course to follow and all you can do is make a choice and try to live with it.

solas

hi Guest,
I would like to be able to give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok..kind of hard to do via the web

I was in a situation some years ago where I had to consider such a possibilty, my friends had absolutly no qualms about encouraging me to make such a decision and out of fear I went along with it.
I desperately wanted for someone to say "don't do it"..but that never happened. Still like you I knew deep down I just couldn't...and didn't.
I understand being a mom already at 20 with little support must be terribly difficult, I've been there too and even now support and ease is not in great supply, but you get on and manage. I'm not so sure I could have coped with another surprise at the time.

You have been given lots of great advice here, I still feel like your waiting for someone to say "don't do it", but they can't. It really is up to you, just do what you think is right.
But consider there are some other options.
A friend of mine in a similar situation placed her daughter in foster care for the first six months with the option to adopt.
I know this is just as difficult a decision but it is an option that is available.
Right now though you need all the suport you can get.

boomdogman

.

tinkerbell

comment deleted
B

Beruthiel said earlier to refrain from making comments like this. Those kind of words won't help the original poster in any way, let her make her mind up without putting her through a guilt trip.

CathyMoran

smccarrick wrote:

Something to consider vis-a-vis the adoption avenue, is the possibility of an open adoption. That is, you would have the right to visit your child and be a part of your childs life even though you have given your child up for adoption. I'm friends with a person here on boards in a similar situation. While the Irish Adoption Act does not officially recognise open adoption- in her case it meant that she got to choose the parents for her child, and has a legal agreement whereby her rights are recognised by the adopting parents.

Adoption need not be the painful experience of yesteryear.

Whatever choice you decide to make- take care of yourself, try to get as much impartial advice as you possibly can, and remember that at the end of the day, your first priority is to yourself. Best wishes,

S.

Again - I don't have any experience in this area but having know lots of adopted people I would suggest that you at least consider this. My sincere sympathy to you over your situation - whatever choice that you make it will be the right one.

boomdogman

!

neuro-praxis

May I say: this is an advice forum, where people can offer advice.

There has been no shushing of anyone who encourages this girl to go through with the abortion, only shushing of those who advise that she examine other options. Beruthiel, I think you do an excellent job as mod here, but I think you are censoring only the side that you disagree with.

I got my "opinion" (or scaremongering as Beruthiel has said) from the British Medical Journal, which has no pro-life bias.

I do not want to make this about pro-choice/pro-life (I have no agenda only to advise the writer in the choice that will be the very best for her) but it is worth noting that we are all entitled to advise this girl in the very best way that we, as differing individuals, see fit.

I saw fit to discuss some of the advantages/disadvantages to both options. I retract nothing.

I really hope that you are doing ok, guest1984.

Gordon

http://bmj.bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/full/324/7330/0/d?maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=abortion+depression&andorexactfulltext=and&searchid=1101339479159_27585&stored_search=&FIRSTINDEX=0&sortspec=relevance&resourcetype=1

Please stick to what Beruthiel has asked to in this thread. If you have any experiences of abortion yourself then we welcome your input. Likewise if someone was posting asking "whats it like? having a kid that is, i have the date of the birth but i don't know how i'm going to make myself do it......
does it hurt? how bad is it?? i'm going all out and doing it right going to the proper place and everything.."

Please keep this on topic from now on.

neuro-praxis

The above link is one of 62 articles on the subject. I didn't include a link because I was asked not to.

Anyway, I apologise for my digressions.

isolde

I know you're really confused right now but please try speak to someone in person. Someone out there will help you, believe me.

This is not something people here can really advise you on. No-one knows enough about you, no-one knows what's right for you. I really think you have to go with your gut instinct on this one.. what is your heart telling you to do?.. listen to it, because somewhere, somehow you know which option is (even a little bit) better for you.

Abortion can be difficult to live with at times. But I'm sure the opposite is also true. I think the fact you already have a child may give you even more perspective on this. It is not a monstrous operation, there is not a huge amount of physical pain. Best to go before the twelfth week. In some places, like Marie Stopes, you can pay part of it in instalments if you don't have the money now. Will cost you around €650.

It is something that will remain with you, you can't possibly forget it, but i guess, deep down, you know you made the right decision, whatever your personal reasons for it may be. I think you couldn't actually go through with it if you didn't somehow feel you were doing the right thing.

I wish you all the best in the world, and my heart goes out to you. Abortion is still a huge taboo here. Don't let that scare you. Thousands of Irish women have been in the same situation, and thousands more will be. They got through this and you will too, even though it mightn't seem that way right now. This doesn't have to be the end of your world.

If you decide to go ahead with it, you will need before and after counselling. Don't forget that, you will be glad you had it. You are at a really emotional stage right now. Please, please talk to someone, you really need to.

*hugs*

~isolde.

Beruthiel

neuro-praxis wrote:

There has been no shushing of anyone who encourages this girl to go through with the abortion, only shushing of those who advise that she examine other options

I believe that if you read the thread properly, you will find that mostly everyone who commented here suggested that she think and decide on her options before doing anything

Beruthiel, I think you do an excellent job as mod here, but I think you are censoring only the side that you disagree with

I am censoring anyone who is not being helpful and thoughtful in their comments, I believe that 'guest' is well aware of her predicament, it is not our place to judge or scare the woman half to death
if you have a problem with that, please take it to PM or an Admin
B

/now back on topic please

LegacyUser

thank you for all your advice, i've decided to get the abortion after a very long talk with my partner. he is very suportive and has told me that i can have the baby if thats what i want and that he'll stand by me and everything...but i couldn't have this baby..

adoption is not something i want to do because i've been involved with that sort of thing before. i grew up with a woman who gave her daughter up for adoption and has never got over it. i couldn't go nine months with a baby in me and not finish what i started.

i'm ok and as someone asked earlier am i waiting for someone to say don't do it i've had many people say that already. now all i need to do is get on with it. thank you all again,

will post as me when i've done it.
thank you all again,

LegacyUser

I am in the same situation as yourself. To a degree. I do not have any other kids. I found out two weeks ago i am pregnant. It was the last thing i expected, which i guess shows you can never be careful enough. Because of this i thought it was a false positive, did another positive again. Went to the doctor, positive. Had to find out how far along i was so they arranged a scan. Nothing showed on the scan. I am approximately 7/8 weeks apparently. I'm not sure if anything should have been visible. Another scan was scheduled for two weeks from now. My biggest fear was telling my mother, as i could not tell her who the father was as world war three would have broke out. I never could get the courage to tell her until she asked me the other morning was i pregnant. Well she didn't go crazy. She cried as she was in the same situation when she had me. She was kicked out of home to an unmarried mothers home. She did ask the dreaded question of the father, which i refused to discuss. Then she kept on and on about getting on the boat. I would love to keep it but emotionally and financially i know in my heart it won't work. I spent 23 years wondering why my father did not want me, what his name was etc, that i cannot go through with this knowing the questions this child would have. It's been very hard to come to the decision to terminate the pregnancy and i have cried non stop over it. I am scared and frightened at the whole procedure. I know it's something that has to be done but i dunno how i am going to deal with it. All i've ever wanted was children but the circumstances right now aren't right. I cant bring a child into this world and drag it from pillar to post. I cannot do it alone at this point in time. No matter how much i already want it (think taking folic acid with two weeks) i now know the route *I* must go. I need to learn from it and it has given me the direction to get my life straight finally so that if God Forbid this ever happens again and i have to go it alone i will be able to do so.

It's not an easy time for you. If you ever want to talk. I have an abortion scheduled for next week. I'm sick at the thought of it but i'm hoping and praying it's the right choice. Feeling like a right freak going to mass for the first time in 5 years for "guidance". You can only do what's right for you. No one else can know that and if you are anything like me even you do not know what's right for you. It's like the head and the heart fighting against each other.

I would go to see the IFPA association. They are absolutely wonderful. CURA i personally found very very bad to the point of me sending a complaint about the consultant i tried to talk to. She sat in silence. They do not agree with abortion which was fine as i had been to the IFPA and they referred me to CURA as i originally wanted to raise the child and wanted to find out what help was available to me. CURA gave me no information - only a leaflet for a home to go to in cork and something on shared parenting which she knew in my case was not an option. They gave no information on Social Welfare which they state they do. Maybe i just got a bad person to try talk to, or it was a bad day for them. Do talk to someone!
All the best hon. Look after yourself.

LegacyUser

i have mine booked for the 6/dec
i also found that life and cura were pointless all i got was paper.
the only people who have talked nicly are the people i'm going through
maire stopes clinic very nice people thank you,

WorldUpsideDown if you wanna chat i'm always on here, i know i'm disguised at the moment but theres friends that come on i just dont want them to know before it happens

Oryx

Im glad that you have decided what to do in your own head and you seem at peace with it. I wish you lots of love and luck in your future.

LegacyUser

Hi, Im a regular poster here as well and don't want workmates knowing i'm up sh*t creek and there's no paddles for sale. My e-mail address is deise2002 at hotmail dot com.

I'm scheduled with Marie Stopes for the 4th of December. Flying into Stansted was 200 cheaper than heathrow so i went with their Essex Clinic. They were very good and gave me numbers for a taxi crowd they deal with and the taxi person will collect me at the airport and bring me back. I am cutting it fine on times but unfortunately only flight back i can take as it's the latest. Known my luck i'll miss the flight.

If you want to talk mail me

Beruthiel

guest1984 wrote:

WorldUpsideDown if you wanna chat i'm always on here, i know i'm disguised at the moment but theres friends that come on i just dont want them to know before it happens

if ye wish to get in touch with each other - send me a PM with your real nicks - you have my word, I will deal with it in confidence

best of luck to you both
anna

frodi

Tough decisions for you both. Guest 1984 I'm glad you have your partners support. Upside down I hope that you have somebody who cares for you as well. Good luck for the future.

LegacyUser

Guest1984 and WorldUpsideDown,
My partner and I went through this very recently. We went to the same place you are going to WorldUpsideDown - the Essex one, it's in Ealing in London.

We flew into Stansted early in the morning and got the tube to Ealing, got there far too early, so we went to get something to eat. My girlfriend couldn't eat though, as you have to fast for either 6 or 12 hours beforehand.

When we went in there, the first thing that struck me was the fact that we were nearly the onlny white couple in the place, but then maybe that's just London.

You'll fill in a details form - just the usual stuff really, then wait to be called. They call you once into and little room, I think the main point of that is just to establish your intentions etc, and to pay the consultation fee and the main fee for the thing itself.

I think it's at this stage that you give a urine sample. You then wait outside again for a little while, then another nurse, invites you into a room, where they will take blood sample from you and do a scan. You won't be able to see what's on the scan monitor. That's all done pretty quickly actually, 5 minutes max.

Another wee wait and then a, in our case, male, doctor takes you away into another room and takes about the effects of the abortion. Again, I wasn't there when he was telling my girlfriend, so I'm not sure exactly what was said, I can just remember that you shouldn't have sex for 4 weeks afterwards.

Once that's over, they give you directions to the building when the actual abortion is carried out. I was surprised by this - I thought it would have been in the same place, but there you go. The other building off the main road, in a leafy residentual area, not even 5 minutes walk away from the other place, which is on the main road.

Once in other building, there was a small wait, then my g/f was taken away and I was asked to come back in "about 2 hours". It ended up being more like 2 and a half hours.

Overall I think I was feeling more nervous than my g/f - her nervousness turns into humour :-|

When the thing was over, we just got a taxi (£17, 20mins) back to Stanstead.
My g/f was feeling very very sore in the airport, I had to get painkillers for her, it still didn't do too much. But then, I guess it affects people in different ways.

I hope you have a clearer idea of what it's going to be like. I'm afraid I can't provide you with any more details about the actual procedure thing itself. My g/f when for the anaesthetic option, so she just remembers being injected and cracking jokes to the nurses :-)

We told only a very small number of people about the whole thing.

Feel free to PM me if you have anything you want to ask.
Best of luck to both of you.

S

LegacyUser

I would urge you to look into both sides of having an abortion, and how it can affect you afterwards. I have a friend who had an abortion and hasn't been the same since. She is often very depressed, spending days in bed, feeling full of regret. She is still seeing a counsillor nearly a year after the abortion took place. After seeing the negative impact of the abortion on her life, I would never like to see anyone else go through the same thing.

The choice is yours. But, do think long and hard about what you are doing. www.afterabortion.com is a website where you can read stories by people who've gone through abortions.