30th birthday present problem.

Kersh

I think this belongs in here, feel free to remove it if it belongs in another forum>
My best mate of 18 years is 30 in February. He is going out with a girl for 3 years now.
I want to bring him to New York for 5 days..(total surprise)..
Am I wrong to do this, as my gf says it will overshadow his girlfriends present. My gf said she would be annoyed if my best mate came up with a better present than her.
Me and my friend always buy outrageous presents (ps2, 1000 euro, multiple large presents).
We are close enough that we regularly loan each other thousands, (when one needs it and the other can get it).
Is my gf right, or am I to steam on ahead, as its my present to him, and I want him to remember it.
I have spoken to his gf (cos she has to arrange time off work for him), she seems a bit taken aback, cos she said she would 'just' get him something else....
Your thoughts please...thanks.

445279.ie

I'd belt away if I were you. Seniority and all.

BTW - if he can't go I'll go with ya!!!!

woosaysdan

i think its a bit over the top but at the end of the day its your money!!!

Stark

Yeah, **** the girlfriend, she might be pissed but you won't be the one to hear about it and he can just say "not my fault baby" For added effect leave a few strip joint flyers and the like lying around with the plane tickets.

Miner

Speaking as a female - go for it! Ye go back years, she should be glad he has such a good mate.

Sherifu

I'd fire ahead with your plans.
Feck overshadowing her, thats a load of crap imo.

If you think its right to do it then theres no problem.

Sherifu

They say bad things come in threes

Today, 13:36

:rolleyes:

Beruthiel

are you a drug dealer?! :eek:
how can you afford to spend so much on a pressie?
yes, I do think it's over the top and yes it is putting pressure on his g/f to come up with something to top that - though personally that part wouldn't bother me - if you have that kind of money to throw around, then go for it I say
btw
if you ever ditch the g/f - will you marry me?
I have a mortgage and loads of bills that need sorting....

Kersh

I cant afford a house, gf going travelling for 8 months next year, so no plans to buy a house, I just buy what I want...cars, race cars, etc, banks love giving out loans. The money isnt just kicking around, I will have to save..... but I think its worth it,
Thanks for the opinions....keep em coming..

Keano_sli

If your such a nice guy with so much cash to throw around why don't you send him and his GF friend to New York and just enjoy the happiness your present brings your friend and his Gf, or do you really want to trump his Gf for any particular reason?

LegacyUser

Can't you and his girlfriend go halves on the New York present as a joint present to him? She may not feel so left out then.

lucky feckin man!

tribble

Yeah - do it.

She's his girlfriend FFS - it shouldn't matter what she gives him, the two gifts don't mean the same thing.

tinkerbell

Go for it! You've been his best friend for 18 years after all. Tiz your money, so you do what ya like with it! Tiz a really nice gift, he definitely won't be forgetting it in a hurry

Enjoy NYC!

WhiteWashMan

all of you go to new york for 5 days, as a present from all of you

Kersh

Cant send the 2 of them, she has a son (school etc)
Plus its a surprise for him, and she already knows cos she has to arrange his time off work without him knowing.
My gf cant go cos she saving for world tour.
Im not going with my friend/his girl/and her kid, I will be odd one out.

WhiteWashMan

why cant you plan something else involving everyone, instead of alienating his partner

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

why should he? go and have some fun! he can bring back fancy things for the child and all will be well.

pickarooney

Has his girlfriend been around for long, when you were buying all the other expensive pressies? If so has she felt resentment in the past about you "trumping" her?

What about him? Does he buy you equallly expensive gifts and then spend less on his girlfriend? I could see that being a bit of a thorny one.

Beruthiel

Mordeth wrote:

why should he?

manners....

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Beruthiel wrote:

manners....

it's not *her* birthday

WhiteWashMan

Mordeth wrote:

why should he? go and have some fun! he can bring back fancy things for the child and all will be well.

i assume at the age of 30 that he is with his partner because he loves her. she will see it as something very threatening and intimidating to have his friend throw money at him and take hium to new york.

perhaps the original poster needs to realise that, although they may have been best friends for 18 years, his friends focus in life may well have changed and his partner is more important to him now?

who knows, but i certainly wouldnt dream of organising something for a friend and just leave out his partner. i mean, thats the actions of someone who is 15, not 30.

Kersh

For me to send me and him, it will cost me guts of 2000, and she cant afford to bring herself, and I cant afford to bring her, besides the hotel would be double for 2 rooms, which adds to the expense. Its a present for him.

Am I being insensitive, ..should I can the whole idea.

ferdi

talk to his girlfriend, ask if she would mind.

personally i would go in halves on the the price of a trip to NY with her - everyones a winner.

Kersh

I dont think she can afford it, and she has her child to worry about too,
I did speak to her, she wanted to do something like that but couldn afford it for him.
I told her I would shelve the trip, and she said she would hate for him to miss the opportunity to go.....

pickarooney

If it's going to call grief with his missus, it's not really a present for him (it will be for you though, New York and the warm feeling of giving).

WhiteWashMan

Kersh wrote:

For me to send me and him, it will cost me guts of 2000, and she cant afford to bring herself, and I cant afford to bring her, besides the hotel would be double for 2 rooms, which adds to the expense. Its a present for him.

Am I being insensitive, ..should I can the whole idea.

its a great idea, but for me, so is the ritual killing of Boyzone.

a good idea, but not plausable.

its up to you. how would you feel if you were left out of your partners 5 day birthday plans? and remember, you are taking him away from his partner and child (or you keep saying its 'her' baby, im thinking there is some sort of tug of war going on here between you and his partner)

are they going to be married, is it his baby etc?
do you not get on with her?
why do you not want to include her in what you do?
why do you not want to include your own girl in what you are doing?
is this more an 'in your face' gesture at her, rather than a nice thing for him, because 2k to spend on your friend, is great, but im sure you would all enjoy yourselves far more if you were altogether.

Praetorian

Kersh wrote:

I think this belongs in here, feel free to remove it if it belongs in another forum>
My best mate of 18 years is 30 in February. He is going out with a girl for 3 years now.
I want to bring him to New York for 5 days..(total surprise)..
Am I wrong to do this, as my gf says it will overshadow his girlfriends present. My gf said she would be annoyed if my best mate came up with a better present than her.
Me and my friend always buy outrageous presents (ps2, 1000 euro, multiple large presents).
We are close enough that we regularly loan each other thousands, (when one needs it and the other can get it).
Is my gf right, or am I to steam on ahead, as its my present to him, and I want him to remember it.
I have spoken to his gf (cos she has to arrange time off work for him), she seems a bit taken aback, cos she said she would 'just' get him something else....
Your thoughts please...thanks.

Can I be your friend too?

The Sweeper

Kersh wrote:

I cant afford a house, gf going travelling for 8 months next year, so no plans to buy a house, I just buy what I want...cars, race cars, etc, banks love giving out loans. The money isnt just kicking around, I will have to save..... but I think its worth it,
Thanks for the opinions....keep em coming..

You're going to make a hopelessly extravagant gesture like this and you have to GO INTO DEBT TO DO IT??????

Are you nuts?

Gandhi

What if you scaled back the trip? Say made it a weekend in London or something? Then you could afford to bring everyone.

Would your own g/f come too?

Nuttzz

Go and enjoy yourself FFS, when he gets married and starts having more kids (and you too) you wont be able to do something like this for years. You only live once, live it up.

Kersh

The kid is hers, from a previous guy, no problem there, he ( the kid) is good craic.
My gf cant go, she is saving to travel the globe.
His gf hasnt got the money to include herself, and she would have to organise babysitter/or bring him, which would up her cost.
Im not going into debt, Ill just have to not spend spend spend for a while. Everyone has to save for things. If I was loaded, Id take him to Vegas, and hire a Lambo!!
As it is I just want to surprise him, and lag him off to NY. I need her help to do it, but I dont want to put her out by doing it. I like her, she is great, the fact that I rang her to ask says how I get on with her. And yes, I would say marriage is down the road for them.

Kersh

Oh, one more thing. I asked her about scaling it back, and say sending the 2 of them to canaries/paris or whatever, But she said that they just got back from Cyprus (his sisters wedding), and that they had done the warm week long holiday thing. So that rules that out.

WhiteWashMan

book them a long weekend in an expensive country hotel and organise a babysitter for the weekend.
thats probably the best thing you can do.

if he is going to be marrying this woman, then give them time together, in a nice relaxing seting, with no babies to worry about.

they will both love you for that.
and you get to save a grand or two...

pickarooney

A man can never have too many Ferraris or helicopters.

The Corinthian

Kersh wrote:

Am I wrong to do this, as my gf says it will overshadow his girlfriends present. My gf said she would be annoyed if my best mate came up with a better present than her.

Friends like that are more brothers than friends.

So, I suggest you get him the prezzie and yourself a new gf.

Kersh

Great idea...any girls out there...

tinkerbell

Just go for the trip to NY idea for the two of you! Afterall, it's your money, and if you want to splash out on a trip for you and him to go to NY then go ahead and do so. You've been friends for 18 years, so you're entitled to spend whatever you want on him!

As for the whole bringing his girlfriend thing, it's YOUR present to HIM, it's his birthday, your present - you shouldn't have to feel forced into bringing her as well because it'll only prove more costly to you, and as you already said, she can't afford to pay her own way. She can then arrange something with him to celebrate his birthday at home, and you can celebrate with him in New York. I'm sure she'll understand.

I reckon tiz a great idea, he'll be delighted!

namaimo

Go For it!
It'll be such a laugh and all this agonising over it isnt doing you any favours! Carpe diem. Hello NYC...

Kersh

Thanks guys,
Currently looking for hotels at least 35 floors high......all your opinions were considered, but it was my friends/family that gave advice, and most of you echoed that advice so.....NYC...

The Corinthian

Kersh wrote:

Currently looking for hotels at least 35 floors high......

And flying lessons, no doubt... :rolleyes:

][cEMAN**

Kersh wrote:

My gf cant go cos she saving for world tour.

I know you're both good friends, but rather than worry about the hassle of this where his g/f might be upset (which sorry to tell you will mean he in turn will probably be upset from seeing her unhappy), why not get him a reasonable pressie, and help pay for your own g/f to get around the world . It makes her happy as well as not upsetting your m8's g/f, and i'm sure your m8 will be happy with anything if you're such good friends.

*EDIT* Between the time I started looking at this thread, and getting the opportunity to reply to it, you had already decided to go with the NYC trip - so it kinda makes my suggestion pointless *EDIT*

Kersh

, Helping my gf. She loaned me money to buy another car, so Im loaning her money when she gos away in feb.

Frank Drebin

WhiteWashMan wrote:

all of you go to new york for 5 days, as a present from all of you

Thanks mate...

RainyDay

Kersh wrote:

I cant afford a house

Kersh wrote:

I just buy what I want...cars, race cars, etc, banks love giving out loans.

Have you noticed the cause & effect relationship between these two points?

Kersh

Well, Me and my gf can get 160000 from the bank to buy a house. Thats a good 100,000 short of a half decent house anywhere. So, like a lot of people we are priced out of the market. And im not buying some hole just to say I have a house. Id rather rent forever.

WhiteWashMan

Frank Drebbin wrote:

Thanks mate...

? ?

Kersh

I have decided to not go ahead with it. I was talking to his gf last night, and just from listening I kinda get the feeling that she wishes she had - either thought of it 1st/had the money to do it.
So I asked her to see if she could bring him. I asked her to look at the prices, that she didnt have to book the millenium hilton or Waldorf astoria ( I was going to go all out) but at least she gets to give him a good pressie. Only thing is though, if she cant afford to do it, then it just means that he (and I) will miss out on a 5 star trip to NY. I dont want it to cause any hassle.
She has said to me that she sort of feels selfish, cos in a way he will be losing out cos of her, ---but just to clear things a bit ---- his gf and I get on really well, she said she just feels that way. So I gave her the option of bringing him, if she doesnt then ...ah well.
She went as far as suggesting that...I pay for my gf to go, she will pay for my friend, and we will all go, but that means Im not getting him a present, which defeats the purpose of the trip. Besides my gf cant get a week off, as shes taking 6 months.....

WhiteWashMan

Kersh wrote:

She went as far as suggesting that...I pay for my gf to go, she will pay for my friend, and we will all go, but that means Im not getting him a present, which defeats the purpose of the trip. Besides my gf cant get a week off, as shes taking 6 months.....

i really dont see why you think this.
the fact that you are organising a trip to New Yorl for 4 good friends will be enough for him. it doesnt matter that you are not contributing money-wise to the holiday. what does that matter at all?
is it just the fact that you want to spend huge amounts of money on him that makes it importnat, or supposed to show him that you it means something?
how does it defeat the purpose of the trip. please explain?

im sure you girlfriend can get the time off to go to New York.

you really sound like youa re making excuses to call it all off and blame someone that you 'couldnt spend lot of money' on your friend.

what exactly do you want to get out of this trip?

Kersh

The trip, originally , was supposed to be a surprise. I show up at his house the night before, and take him to NY.
Trip of a lifetime sort of thing.
I have already been to NY with my gf for 2 weeks, so I dont fancy that again, besides why waste money doing the same thing twice, and then having to get him a decent pressie too. 4 people on one trip are going to have conflicting interests. If me and him go off to do something, that leaves the 2 girls on their own, and they dont really know each other. And like I said, I have done the whole...with the gf NY thing.
The whole gesture/impact of thre trip is lost if you lag a load of people along.

Kersh

What I really want from the trip is to spend a bit of time, living it up somewhere nice with him, for his 30th. the surprise element of a trip to NY (he likes NY), why does anyone buy their friends presents? My gf had difficulty enough getting 6 months off, and coming back to a job, i think asking for another week would be taking the piss. Besides she doesnt want to go to NY again.

WhiteWashMan

it seems to me that the grand guesture of the whole thing is what is important to you.
i mean, my brother likes skateboards, but im not going to kidnap tony hawke for him.

as for spending a bit of time with him living it up as the reason for the trip, why cant you go the pub? do you really need to go to New York to spend time with your mate?

Is there really some other motive here?

people buy presents as a symbol of friendship.

by the way, if i was going on a trip of a lifetime, i would want to plan it, not just be thrown on a plan, and while i think New York is the most awesome city on this planet, 5 days there without my partner would not constitute a trip of a lifetime.

The whole gesture/impact of thre trip is lost if you lag a load of people along.

in what way?

is it that you wont be the centre of your friends attention?

are you sure you dont have a thing for this guy?
are you sure youre 30? all of your ideas would, imho, be suited to an 18 year old.