The Limerick Thread

neuro-praxis

Ah, the limerick: the poetry of the working class.

There once was a poster called S.M.A.K.
Who carried upon his young back
A dwarf who ate mice
And was crawling with lice
And who wore a large yellow rain mac

Now, S.M.A.K. was disturbed by his chum
Who was filthy and boring and glum
So he whipped out his hammer
And with barely a stammer
He smashed the poor dwarf up the bum

He packed the dwarf up in old lace
And squashed him into a suitcase
He sent it to France,
did a big happy dance and
then celebrated with cans of fresh Mace!

~~~~~~~~~

S.M.A.K., you're sick. Killing dwarves like that. And inhaling Mace, tut tut.

Let me see all your limerick attempts.

And I am up for challenges - I can write limericks in under two minutes! (Please note, I am not always online.)

sanncoo

there was a young man named neuro
who didn't have a bob nor a euro
he tried to get rep
but got tripped in his step
And Smak banned him forever mooro

Now sanncoo, she tried to have fun
she typed but the words wouldn't come
Her brain it was freezin
Cos in bed she was sneezin
So she flew off on a plane to the sun!

back to bed for me...the rhymes just not coming.......

neuro-praxis

There was a young girl called sanncoo
Who presumed that she knew what she knew
But, then, to her joy
Realised neuro's no boy
She's a girleen like sanncoo is too.






(edited to spell sanncoo's name right )

MidnightQueen

Your in for a Smak attack

pickarooney

There once was a girl, neuro-praxis
Who had limited internet access
Writing Limericks in minutes
If speed counted she'd win it
Take your time with the rhyme and relax, sis.

neuro-praxis

I absolutely love it, as soon as my rep is back you're getting some!

Dear lord, rhyming with praxis...brilliant!

pickarooney

There once was a young man from Limerick
Who loved cats - had three Manx and a Cymric -
And the strangest of games;
He had, to his shame
An unhealthy obsession with Sim Brick



Weirdly, when I googled for Sim Brick, boards.ie came up as the second result.
Spooky?

Dr. Loon

There once was a bloke named Loon,
..and that's that ye bunch of maggots.

Piste

The once was a sweet young Gummybearz,
(But I doubt that anyone cares),
She posted a limerick,
Got hit with a hockey stick,
Now she's in hospital wih severe brain damage and they don't know if she's even going to last the night.

pickarooney

A young man named smoke.me.a.kipper
Bore a likeness to old Jack the Ripper
But he didn't use knives
To end poor whores' lives
He just beat them to death with a slipper

gaui3d0pnbz86o

there once was a happy chap called flameboy,
who like chinese food covered in soy,
while reding boards.ie,
and eating his tea,
his bottom was sore as he sat on a toy!

true story!

CuLT

pickarooney, I tip my hat to you sir!

[edit] and for the record, I think this would have been better in Creative Writing.[/edit]

smoke.me.a.kipper

lol! those are excellent. more i say, more!

MidnightQueen

There once was a poor guy called Smak,
Who got a huge Karma attack....................


Sorry your gonna have to wait 24hrs I'm all out

pickarooney

There was a young doctor named Loon
Who was mad as a drugged-up baboon
Upon his prescriptions
He'd make such inscriptions
As "Apply to the arse with a spoon"

neuro-praxis

There was a young chap, Pickarooney,
Who limericked from earth to the mooney,
With his japes and his capers
He headlined the papers -
His limericks can't come out too sooney!

Sarky

Now Bubbles, he was an odd lad,
He loved to make everyone mad,
When his newsletter ran,
He was given a ban,
But he's still there and that makes me sad.

pickarooney

There was an old poster named Sarky
Who got in on this Limerick malarkey
When the contest was stalling
With his rhymes he came calling
And started it up like a car key

Shaque attack

there once was a poster called shaque attack
the meaning of his own name he could not crack
so he went on-line
to waste some time
and now sits in fear of a smack attack

pickarooney

How does one pronounce 'koneko'?

sanncoo

neuro-praxis wrote:

There was a young girl called sanncoo
Who presumed that she knew what she knew
But, then, to her joy
Realised neuro's no boy
She's a girleen like sanncoo is too.


oops!!!

Neuro praxis she was a good sport
She rhymed for all she worth
A young wan named sanncoo
Should have checked with the boards crew
And praxis she laughed on in mirth


Sannco was bored off her tree
She was so busy she just couldn't pee
So she logged on to boards fun
And boy did the time run
Now she has enough work for three

lili

there was a french woman called lili
she try to speak english desesperately
but never reach her goal
it's at kicking head at a wall
nevermind, she will, soon or lately

summer_ina_bowl

I'm offended by ye're sheer lack of skill,
Each of ye I would gladly kill.
A knife in the back,
A violent attack,
Or maybe just slip ye a pill.

summer_ina_bowl

Oh god, is that what i just said?,
So sorry, it just popped out my head,
I think ye're all great,
Though my praise is late,
I'm really quite glad ye're not dead.:)

pickarooney

Them's fightin' words

neuro-praxis

There once was sum-mer in a bowl,
who tried hard not to be a troll.
So, speaking his mind
made him one of a kind,
as he increases boards's death toll.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a fellow called Sarky
who, when woken, turned out to be narky.
So, while in a deep slumber,
his friends (few in number)
injected some drugs for a larky.

He woke and felt mellow indeed
but believed that he was a great steed
so he climbed on the table
as quick as was able
and ordered his friends to take heed.

"I'm a horse of great strength and goodwill!"
he shouted (while high on the pills).
His friends were in stitches
as he whipped off his britches
and galloped three miles up the hill.


Sorry Sarky!

pickarooney

A chap(?) called summer_ina_bowl
Started to act the arsehole
Bus as soon as (s)he did so
(S)he turned a bit schizo
And with kind words (s)he saved his/her own soul

sanncoo

Sum-mer in a bowl was so lucky
By changing the words (s)he was plucky
The lads all agreed
(S)he was not a bad seed
Cos things could have got rather mucky

(apologies to the english language....for the sheer abuse)

summer_ina_bowl

Ye're forgiveness has warmed me inside,
I had feared that I might have to hide,
But ye've all been so nice,
I'll give ye rep twice,
And do so with obvious pride.

pickarooney

This thread in the bowld Cuckoo's Nest
Is seemingly well past its best
Though the interest is waning
You won't hear me complaining
I just had to get this off my chest

sanncoo

Us Cuckoos there are but a few
We thought we knew what we knew
In the nest we did hide
But not without Pride
Cos we knew how we stood with the crew

Sarky

Neuro-praxis, she writes a good verse,
If bad was good, she'd be the worst,
Her last one of me
was true, shockingly,
Now all of Boards know of my curse.

Sarky

I wish I did not have to work,
And just sit with a beer and a smirk,
But I'm here in the cold,
Where forklifts are sold,
And big oily old machines lurk.

sanncoo

Poor Sarky he needed to moan
Under the stress he let out a groan
Out on the lash oh he'd be
If from work he was free
But he's needed to answer the phone

sanncoo

Sanncoo she stayed on in Clare
Cos to boards beer she just didn't dare
She watched a crap movie
that she thought might be groovy
An ended up washing her hair........

pickarooney

Pickarooney could not make it either
For beers, gins and tonics and cider
As instead of the Burren
He lives way out furren
Second left at the Zee of the Zuyder

sanncoo

Sanncoo she read all the posts
It seems there were plenty of toasts
To all and the sundry
Who regretted it Monday
The attenders had lots of boasts

The Sweeper

There once was a chap named DeVore
Who is carved into internet lore
For he started the boards
And now teeming hoardes
Are present where none were before...

pickarooney

There once was a young cocker spaniel
Who went by the name of Nathaniel
"What's the point?", you might ask
I'm not up to the task
Of rhyming with Minesajackdaniels

sanncoo

Pickarooney tries all he can
To make rhymes for every man
with minesajackdaniels
he rhymed it with spaniels
And now he has Sann as a fan

The Muppet

A Boards poster they called Pickarooney
Was considered quite a bit of A looney
He posted in rhyme
A lot of the time
Maybe he's brainwashed just like a moonie

pickarooney

Ever the optimist, Sanncoo
Each time that I draw a near blank you
Come up with a reason
To prolong limerick season
And for this I and others must thank you

pickarooney

Then out from the dark springs The Muppet
An ogrish and twisted sock puppet
In a voice cut from tin
He squeals "let's begin!"
But I'm off home from work now, so fup it

lili

pickarooney,

le maître de la rime
même les plus intimes
égal à lui même
c'est pour ça que je l'aime
et pour tout le toutim;)

sanncoo

Lili was as good as the rest
she tried & was one of the best
Despite being from France
She could follow the dance
And rhymed in the mad Cuckoos Nest

neuro-praxis

You guys are impressive!

A fun limerick thread sprang to mind
And neuro believed we might find
A poster or two
With a flare for haiku
But unlikely a limerick like-mind!

How wrong, oh how wrong was she there!
For it turns out there's talent and dare
In these poets galore
Who indeed wipe the floor
With the efforts of this cheeky mare!

amp

There was a young poster called amp,
He was as mad as a bedside lamp,
He plotted and schemed,
And in his head he dreamed,
Of shagging some bird he in fact didn't.

The years they passed on by,
He still lives with the false lie,
It will not go,
So on with the show,
And now here's the weather with pam.

There was a young transvestite called pam,
Like Bo-peep only without the lamb,
She drank and she drank,
Right into the tank,
And posted some limerick style spam

There was a young girl from Ringsend,
Who fancied intelligent men,
She flirted and smiled,
Used cunning and guile,
And got what she wanted in the end.

pickarooney

A macho young poster called Amp
Who in truth was exceedingly camp
With his frock and fake tits
He looked just the spit
Of that blonde wan from Transvision Vamp

pickarooney

With the rhymes reproducing like rabbits
This Limerick thing's now quite a habit
We should show it, I feel
To the lads in Rathkeale
But the fúckers would probably stab it

sanncoo

Why show it to those in Rathkeale
The fuppers would just laugh and Squeal
They'd look at us all
The psychiatrist they'd call
Through a straw we'd be havin our meal

lili

sanncoo, when i will have more time, i will write a limerick in french for you:)