I suck at English essays :'(

declan_lgs · 10-10-2004 6:24pm #1

yo,
I'm doing my JC this year, and I'm pretty good at basically every subject apart from English and Irish.
My Irish teacher is a loada crap (I dont think he speaks English at all :eek:).. But I think I'll just get grinds in that and study alot for the exam cause it's not that bad of a language...
As for English, I could do alright in it I suppose apart from the essay...
I'm absolutely useless at writing English essays.. I spend like an hour (while listening to music) trying to think of an original storyline, and it turns out useless.. Heres how I did in all my English essays so far this year -- C, D+, D, D, F (that was the essay I wrote bout blowing up my best friends mothers foot

)...
I've to write an essay on "The Argument" for tomorrow.. how crap, if they gave me a decent title I might do alright, if they dont, I think I might just ignore the essay in the exam and get everything else done properly...
I'll learn everything else - the studied poetry and all.. I'm pretty good at learning stuff...
I'm doing all honours for the JC anyhow, I was thinking about dropping down to ordinary level in English, but then I'll have to do ordinary level for the JC too...
:mad:

edit: are there any websites about where I could read some essays with stupit titles (like the ones we get in the exams)?

PurpleFistMixer · 10-10-2004 6:55pm

The essay is 70 marks on paper one isn't it? That's a pretty big percentage, so like.. ignoring it mightn't be a great idea.

It might be different for you, but I find it absolutely impossible to write while listening to music with lyrics, so if it's the actual inability to put stuff down, that might help. I just end up writing the lyrics over and over again if I'm listening to music you see. And also music can sometimes (or often) influence my mood, and it may be in contrast with the story so it would end up being a bit screwed up in that case.

However, is it the actual thinking of things to write which you are having problems with? I reckon, you don't actually have to come up with super original general plot lines (alright, it's a short story/composition/whatever, it doesn't have a huge plot as such, but you know what I mean), you just have to be able to take something which may be highly done or whatever, and write it in an interesting way. Be it with just damn good writing, or just taking a slightly different approach to it, having it a bit different to the usual. My favourite form of this is of course the old surprise ending - eg it's one of those happy lovely memory things and SUDDENLY a psycho jumps out from behind a bush and slaughters everyone!

Apparently humour is welcomed in the stories. The poor examiners wouldn't want to be reading boring tripe for hours and hours, so if it's going to entertain the examiner, or make them think, or leave them with an impact, that's a good thing.

As for the titles - you can run with them. Try thinking about the title from different angles before you settle on what you'll take it as. The Argument for example, okay, first thing you think of (or I think of, maybe you're different) is the old argument between 2 people, like a parent and a teenager or 2 friends or a couple or WHATEVER, and okay, that has potential to be, let's face it, boring. It could however be something completely different. You could do something sort of surreal wherein.. ahh, just thinking off the top of my head.. household appliances are arguing with each other (okay that's a stupid idea... moving on...), or you could take it differently again and make it an argument of larger proportions. A war, of nations, of ideas, whatever.
You could try looking up the actual definition of an argument and see where that takes you (I realise you can't do this in an exam, but this ain't the exam yet!). You can really do anything you want with any title if you twist it around to suit yourself.

And if it's one where they give you the starting line, let's say (not one which says "based on the line", because then it actually may have to feature somewhat in yuor story), you could have someone saying that line, and overhead conversation let's say, or it couold be written somewhere, it doesn't really have to dictate the story. Now, I'm not entirely sure if they approve of this in exam, but you could possibly write something like "<opening line they give you>... no, that's a stupid line. Let's start again...", if it would be fitting with the general tone of the story...

Alright, I think I've ranted enough. Hope that helped a bit.

Raphael · 10-10-2004 6:58pm

A few pieces of advice amigo

1. Always take an open ended titile. Pictorial options are good as well, you can do a lot of things

2. Think outside the box. COme at the essay from a strange angle, I.e, doa a burglary from the burglars perspective. Examiners get hundreds of scripts, make yours stand out

4.Wait hold on....What happened to 3

5. Be imaginative! As long as theres a vague connection to the title, thats enough. You can go off on any tangent you want

6. End your story. If you run out of time, and leave off an ending, it sucks. And never, NEVER say "I woke up, and it was all a dream". That, my friend, is a cop out.

7. Be enthusiastic. If you don't enjoy writing it, there's fsck all chance that anyone will enjoy reading it

Hope this helps!

3. Oh, there it is!

Rozabeez · 10-10-2004 7:15pm

Im and A/B student in English when it comes to class but as for any exams i take i get D's and C's. grrr.

I know a few people giving grinds in English and Irish and one of my friends gets them and she swears by them.

PurpleFistMixer · 10-10-2004 7:18pm

As far as I've been informed they mark extra hard in exams for some purpose or other... motivation my ass, really. I'd go on but it'd be getting off topic. Well, moreso.

I'm not familiar at all with grinds, but wouldn't they just focus more on things which have to be memorised rather than actual writing and the whole creative process behind that? I'd say some kind of writing course or whatever would be more suitable for that...

Rozabeez · 10-10-2004 7:33pm

last year there was an essay on "my pet hates" and i know someone who wrote about all the things their dog doesnt like...such as cats

PurpleFistMixer · 10-10-2004 7:41pm

That phrase is highly misleading! The pet part is totally needless, in my opinion.

Rozabeez · 10-10-2004 7:43pm

yeah well he still did pretty well in the exam so good for him eh?

PurpleFistMixer · 10-10-2004 7:47pm

More power to him! That phrase should be abolished...

I think had I gotten that title I would have ranted endlessly about something pointless. Wouldn't be my first option now.

Rozabeez · 10-10-2004 7:54pm

I rant alot. Im supposed to write a speech about something i'm "passionate about" methinks it'll have to be single parents and how they can bring kids up just as well as two parents.

PurpleFistMixer · 10-10-2004 7:57pm

Eugh, speeches.

I'd probably go on about... oh I don't know.. RELIGION. And how it's a cult... that'd make me very popular with everyone.

Rozabeez · 10-10-2004 8:00pm

Oh I do that anyways. I also start huge arguments over how deValera should have been shot etc.

PurpleFistMixer · 10-10-2004 8:04pm

.. Interesting...

Naos · 10-10-2004 8:10pm

Ach. Dont worry about scoring low in class with the grades, teacher probably sees potential and wants u to FORCE yourself to score higher. I got a d in hons JC, then went to hons English for LC and was gettin d's throughtout the 2 years. Mochs come up, i came 4th in class. got 55% or something

Then for leaving got an a2 hons, so it CAN BE DONE!

1) Work out how long you have to write it in the exam. Think it works out between 30 - 40 mins. At home ONLY give yourself that much time to write it(This exercise will force you to write + think faster, good practise)

2) Clear your mind - Dont listen to music etc, will distract you. Chill out a bit before u start writing, clear ur mind and then write. Ideas will flow..

3) The good ol Practise Practise Practise..

- Hint for poetry : Relate it ALL back to YOU. To be honest, LIE if you need to. For my LC paper i wrote about Seamus Heaney and his poem Harvest Bow (Correct me if im wrong) and related it back to me by saying, basically crap, how my Grandad could make them, his poetry reminds me of times with Gdad etc..

Anyway, Good look in ur JC man!

grimloch · 10-10-2004 8:54pm

you have alot of time to practise, i thought i was utterly useless at the ol' essays, and got an a in th JC.
besides, writing an essay is something your teachers SHOULD be making you do, you'll be surprised how much you'll improve

declan_lgs · 10-10-2004 9:50pm

Thanks alot for all the replies + advice ppl!

It might be different for you, but I find it absolutely impossible to write while listening to music with lyrics, so if it's the actual inability to put stuff down, that might help. I just end up writing the lyrics over and over again if I'm listening to music you see. And also music can sometimes (or often) influence my mood, and it may be in contrast with the story so it would end up being a bit screwed up in that case

hmm... I ususally always listen to music when I'm doing my hw, apart from when I'm writing the English essay (I listen to it when I'm planning it tho). I'll try and stop listening to music altogether while I'm doing my hw from now on.

you just have to be able to take something which may be highly done or whatever, and write it in an interesting way

yea, I cant write stuff well tho... I'm bad at describing stuff + developing characters and that... I'll have to practice more I suppose

You could try looking up the actual definition of an argument and see where that takes you

argument: point presented for or against something; discussion; quarrel
aha! Thats cool... I could just rant about... anything? Is that right? I might have an idea...

but you could possibly write something like "<opening line they give you>... no, that's a stupid line. Let's start again...", if it would be fitting with the general tone of the story...

I'd love to that with some sorta story about English

"English is good.. wait, it isn't.. English sucks!"
I could go on for ages bout that.

Alright, I think I've ranted enough. Hope that helped a bit.

yes it did! thanks alot PurpleFistMixer

2. Think outside the box. COme at the essay from a strange angle, I.e, doa a burglary from the burglars perspective. Examiners get hundreds of scripts, make yours stand out

yea, we had to do an essay for hw once. we were given a picture of a llama, in a taxi. (I think it was from the 2004 JC or the moch exams) I wrote about being the taxi driver and I got a D! (and I was happy with that result)[/QUOTE]

5. Be imaginative! As long as theres a vague connection to the title, thats enough. You can go off on any tangent you want

hmm...

6. End your story. If you run out of time, and leave off an ending, it sucks. And never, NEVER say "I woke up, and it was all a dream". That, my friend, is a cop out.

yea, I made that mistake quite a few time... Sometimes I have trouble ending stories realisticly

7. Be enthusiastic. If you don't enjoy writing it, there's fsck all chance that anyone will enjoy reading it

I'll try, I suppose...

Hope this helps!

yup! thanks Raphael

I think I *might* get grinds in English... Or just practice writing *loads* of essays between now and June, like 1 every few nights or so. If the topics were on something I was interested in (like computers etc....), I'd have no problems. I'm not interested in pets/animals. If I was asked to write an essay on "My pet hates", I wouldnt know where to start $:\$

If I was asked to write about something I'm passionate about, I suppose I'd have a better chance. Would an essay about FLOSS (free liberal open source software) be acceptable? Thats what I was thinking about writing for this essay on the argument... Although, I probably wouldnt be able to stop writing :rolleyes: What if I flamed the hell outta M$ ? ... But if the examiner didnt understand or I didnt explain well enough, I could mess it up easily...

Ach. Dont worry about scoring low in class with the grades, teacher probably sees potential and wants u to FORCE yourself to score higher. I got a d in hons JC, then went to hons English for LC and was gettin d's throughtout the 2 years. Mochs come up, i came 4th in class. got 55% or something Then for leaving got an a2 hons, so it CAN BE DONE!

whoa.. well done! If I was in an exam (and didnt know who the examiner was), It'd be easier for me to write about some stuff I suppose, like the idea on FLOSS I mentioned above. Mrs Dillon (English teacher) would think I'm a freak if I handed something like that up to her! And if she read it out (which she probably wouldnt cause it'd be so crap anyhow. She usually reads out like 4 of the best essays, and mine wouldnt campare to any of 'em, ever!)... I'd be a goner...

1) Work out how long you have to write it in the exam. Think it works out between 30 - 40 mins. At home ONLY give yourself that much time to write it(This exercise will force you to write + think faster, good practise)

yea, time is a big issue with me.. I usually spend a good while thinking of something to write and then, even if I think of something good, I rush through writing it and it comes out disasterous

I'll not listen to music any more when I'm doing my hw (/me hides the iPod) and I'll try and practise as much as I can.

way, Good look in ur JC man!

thanks Mear

you have alot of time to practise, i thought i was utterly useless at the ol' essays, and got an a in th JC.
besides, writing an essay is something your teachers SHOULD be making you do, you'll be surprised how much you'll improve

I suppose...

anyhow, thanks everyone!
I better start working on the essay. I think I'm gonna do the one on FLOSS + Linux vs Micro$oft, or FLOSS vs. tacky, overpriced, over-rated software.

What if started with a kinda FAQ, to explain some stuff.
eg: What is FLOSS? Free Liberal Open Source Software etc........
What is free? Some ppl see it as: free as in free beer. Others see it as free as in free speach etc.......
and then a few points on stuff like, FLOSS and education (why it isnt being taut in schools etc...) and stuff...

I think I'll start it like this:
argument: point presented for or against something; discussion; quarrel;
WUHOO! That first definition gives me the ability to EXPRESS MYSELF! At last, I can write about something that I'm actually interested in (but you probably wont be interested in).
FLOSS vs. Tacky, Overpriced, Over-rated Software:
* * *

<and then a little note at the end telling the teacher *not* to read it out in class

>

(crazy idea: what if I was to write about arguments and methods etc.. in/and programming languages like C, PHP etc.. If I explained alot and stuff. I shouldnt be blamed if the examiner doesnt have a clue what he/she's readin (maybe I should, but what the hell)... Most of what I read I wouldnt have a clue about! ... I'm *definetly* not gonna use that idea tho :cool:, not tonight anyhow)

Raphael · 11-10-2004 7:18am

See! Now you're enthusiastic!

And I love that llama.....he got me an a in meh JC!

declan_lgs · 11-10-2004 4:42pm

lol yea,
I done that essay last night anyhow, 9 copy pages

It was too long so I didnt hand it up today... Gonna have to shorten it down to something simpler tonight

thanks for all the advice ppl...
btw, are there any websites with good essays on 'em about the place?

PurpleFistMixer · 12-10-2004 6:30pm

Just a note, I'm not entirely sure but they may not like an informational piece for the personal writing. I'd check the actual wording of the question but my exam papers are at school... Still, if you can work a way to twist the title to your liking, you can do it about anything. (I've been telling people this non stop re art over the last week, heh)

Hehe, I got that llama today in an english test. We basically had to do the essay question from the 2004 junior cert... 40 minutes... I wrote 3sides of an A4 page and I'm not entirely sure if that's good...

Speaking of which, does anyone know what the recommended length for the essay is? Because although I could write for ages I dont' want to waste my time writing soemthing excessively long, or screw it up by writing somethng too short...

Raphael · 12-10-2004 6:34pm

PFM: Write for time...And I can't find meh english paper. Carp!

PurpleFistMixer · 12-10-2004 7:09pm

I would do that, but I've always done it that "I go as fast as I can in every section in case I hit one which takes longer than expected"... of course this usually ends up with me finishing half an hour to sometimes an hour (freakishly enough) early, but it's never failed a test yet!

The thought of leaving myself only desginated amounts of time for each section would make me twitchy and checking my watch every couple of seconds to make sure the time hasn't disappeared on me...

And also the factor of, I can write fast for extended periods of time, but god help me I can't write after that. Therefore I'd end up.. well, not being able to write for paper 2. It happened after a one and a half hour exam at summer...

luckat · 12-10-2004 7:20pm

Schools should have practice exams every week, so an exam is something you're used to, and you're able to pace yourself.

Ask your teacher how you can improve your essays. Are you writing a story when she wants an essay - there's a difference, after all! Are you starting with a good idea but ruining it by lack of structure? Etc.

And why should de Valera have been shot, Roz?

Raphael · 12-10-2004 7:21pm

Right. Well what you do is work out the time beforehand, then write a decent story. If you see yourself getting close, try and end. Don't write for quantity, write for QUALITY

Rozabeez · 12-10-2004 7:21pm

STOP IT!!!!!!! whats the point in getting all worked up? ah yes cos i only have 2 months till my mocks!!!
*runs up and down street screaming loudly* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

PurpleFistMixer · 12-10-2004 7:29pm

3 months, actually. November December and January, and the rest of October, too. (Yes, that's more than 3 months... I realise.)

Raphael: I suppose, I generally do go for quantity over quality only a certain level of tolerance (I should really not use photoshop terms in everyday speech and expect people to understand me... o.o), because then I'd just end up cutting everything, but it's just that there's a difference in the topic/style/whatever of different length stories. I mean, for what she's asking - the teacher asked for at least 3 COPY pages for the test today (me writing 3 A4 pages), and to me that'd be practically a... descriptive opening, nearly. Not bragging about how great I am at writing, because that's a fairly bad thing that I can rant for so long, but still... I'll take a look when I get the exam papers again.

Rozabeez · 12-10-2004 7:39pm

do all mocks start same time? mine are 31st january, the fact that it's january makes me think that it's.....yada yada yada I'm lost. *yawn*

PurpleFistMixer · 12-10-2004 7:40pm

As are mine. I don't know if the mocks are a school or state organised thinger, if it were the former they could be any time, however my teachers were all complaining about how early they are so it seems doubtful.

Rozabeez · 12-10-2004 8:04pm

i think lcs dont start theirs till may! shockin!

PurpleFistMixer · 12-10-2004 8:19pm

LC? That can be interpreted in different ways... leaving cert, loreto convent?

Mysteryfish · 12-10-2004 8:25pm

I always forget about time! I like english and writing essays, but i can never write anything good in a short time! I can rant sure but the exam is almost over usually by the time i'm half way through, it's really bad i know but i sometimes can't finish the story or i rush the ending. It's a major downfall

coconutmonkey · 12-10-2004 9:51pm

Thats exactly like me! In one of my recent essays, i was writing and then she said we had 5 mins left, so to finish it i just made him kill himself! It wasnt completely outta the blue tho, cos he was depressed, but still.....
I cringe to think what my teacher must think of me.

PurpleFistMixer · 12-10-2004 9:53pm

As long as they don't act on those ideas...

Rozabeez · 13-10-2004 7:12pm

lcs= lucan community school

declan_lgs · 13-10-2004 7:44pm

whoa.. you ppl get essay exams?
lol.. I've never done an essay in an exam before! (not even the summer tests)
my teacher is pretty useless I suppose.. would grinds in English be a good idea?
I wrote one essay bout FLOSS, 9pgs... and then when I read it, I realised that it was all crap!
so I rewrote it, into 3pgs and wrote a story bout window$ fecking up on me, so I switch to linux and all is well... still, useless...
was well structured though, but I doubt the teacher would have a clue what an operating system is :rolleyes:
will get the results tomorrow or Friday

I guess I D/F'd it... depending on whether she understood it or not

PurpleFistMixer · 13-10-2004 8:48pm

I'm getting the feeling you dislike windows...
And.. it's odd you've never had an essay exam before. I mean, it is a large part of paper 1 in the JC, even if they don't concentrate on it as much as other stuff (eg novel and poetry and sheisse) you should still get some practice...

declan_lgs · 14-10-2004 4:02pm

PurpleFistMixer wrote:

I'm getting the feeling you dislike windows...
And.. it's odd you've never had an essay exam before. I mean, it is a large part of paper 1 in the JC, even if they don't concentrate on it as much as other stuff (eg novel and poetry and sheisse) you should still get some practice...

yep, I hate winblowz...
yea, I'll have to start practicing English essays..
btw, when are the JC exams on and when do they end?
according to the back of my school journal, they start on the 8th of June.. my birthdays the 14th :rolleyes:
:mad:

Raphael · 14-10-2004 4:21pm

Ouch. Gonna hafta celebrate a few days/weeks late amigo

declan_lgs · 14-10-2004 7:05pm

feck

Big Ears · 15-10-2004 3:38pm

Rozabeez wrote:

I rant alot. Im supposed to write a speech about something i'm "passionate about" methinks it'll have to be single parents and how they can bring kids up just as well as two parents.

The hell they can !!!......................

declan_lgs · 15-10-2004 3:55pm

WHOA!
got my essay back today, got an A!
First A I ever got in an English essay...
C, D+, D, D, F, A ... thats how my essay results have gone this year so far..
A f00king A! I cant believe that... Teacher said that I took "an interesting approach to the title"... so thanks for all yer ideas ppl!

PurpleFistMixer · 15-10-2004 5:33pm

More proof as to how the internet solves EVERYTHING.

*dusts off hands, and keyboard*

Congratulations on the result.

declan_lgs · 15-10-2004 9:12pm

More proof as to how the internet solves EVERYTHING.
*dusts off hands, and keyboard*
Congratulations on the result.

yup, thanks! and thanks everyone else...
a friend asked me to type it up for him to read, so I'm attaching it here in text format (exported it in Kword, mightn't look great), for anyone whose interested :rolleyes:
I think the teacher over-rated it, but what the hell

Raphael · 16-10-2004 9:56pm

Congrats man, I'll read that tomorrow

****, I have to write an english essay for tuesday....hmm....Might do it in the fantasy world iI'm gonna do my novel in.....

PurpleFistMixer · 16-10-2004 10:00pm

Preprepared worlds/continuities(to be an RP geek, sigh)/characters are useful when it comes to random essay writing. Got me through my english test last week with 100%. W00t.

Rozabeez · 17-10-2004 7:17pm

Raphael wrote:

Congrats man, I'll read that tomorrow

****, I have to write an english essay for tuesday....hmm....Might do it in the fantasy world iI'm gonna do my novel in.....

wow...i have my own little fantasy world that i wrote a bit of an essay on and got lazy and didnt finish it. what's your world called?
mine's gooberland

declan_lgs · 17-10-2004 8:21pm

/me doesn't have a fantasy land...

PurpleFistMixer · 17-10-2004 8:29pm

Ooh, you're not in the club! *points and excludes*

Raphael · 17-10-2004 8:30pm

It's not. I have 2 gods, a main city, and a small town though

Rozabeez · 18-10-2004 11:55am

i am the god in my world.

PurpleFistMixer · 18-10-2004 6:39pm

I contemplated divinity, but playing Black and White can really put you off the whole omnipotence dealy...
Now, disciples are funner, because they have things to rebel against and to strive to achieve. Gods can just cheat rampantly.

declan_lgs · 20-10-2004 6:10pm

I got another A for an essay I wrote on religion...
http://www.themovievault.com/essay/non_believer.html
I wrote about a person who doesn't believe in religion... The teacher read it out in class and I was embarassed as feck

(I do believe in God, btw... I wrote that essay in the point of view of... somebody else)
I think I'm pretty alright at writing factual sorta essays... Describing things and developing charachers etc... I suck at that sorta stuff.
Anyhow, thats my second A ever and my second A in a row, in over 2 years

wtf? :rolleyes:

I suck at English essays :'(

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