Yet to kiss a girl....

LegacyUser

i'm 21 and just back to college for my third year and am feeling a really blue because I see so many happy couples walking around, don't get me wrong I'm not bitter, I just feel down because in all my 21 years on this planet i'm yet to kiss a girl, let alone go out with or have sex!
now before you ask my childhood (6-12 years) is a bit messy.Familywise things have always being grand but socially I never really went out much. I have lots of good friends now tho, and we discussed this before and they all don't really see my passed as a problem.

A bit more about me quickly:
i'm smart,
i'm not ugly - not really pretty either ,
I Enjoy life,
I'm a caring/loving person.(my mates say)
I'm Not very sport, play a little but not competitvely with mates etc.
I prefer quite nights in and can't stand bar/pub/nightclubs etc., Might go to one once every 2-3 months.

And I don't turn into some sort of freak around women either I know loads of girls and get on great with them.I know a few of you will probably say "he's probably gay" but I have no inclination to ever touch a fella.

I'm not a really shy person but i'm not the type to speak out if I have the hots for a girl.

i'm not looking to go out with a supermodel just a nice girl who I can get along with and experience stuff with, you know what I mean. Please give me some advice on life cause so far my own methods have proved useless!

thanks for reading!

IrishMike

turn on ur fone, pick a letter and if there is a girl u know in ur fone starting
with that letter just ask her 4 coffee
simple as that
the more time u spend around a girl/girls the more comfortable both of
ye will get in each others company and who knows what could happen
u have 2 take the initiative though, one of the pitfalls of being a man

I am MAN

Just make the move and do something about it, I dont like clubs either but unfortunately thats the only place your guaranteed to get some female contact!

Zulu

Go out more. Make more moves; all they can say is no.

Iago

in my extensive (read limited) experience with women, I find that the more you get hung up about things like this the less likely you are to make any progress. All very easy to say of course.

My 2c for what it's worth, I've always found that the more you talk to women the less you know and the further you are from understanding them and getting to know what they want and how you are compatible. On the other hand the more you listen to women, the better your chances are.

When I've been attracted to a woman and lucky enough to be introduced or have a conversation struck up between us, I tend to listen more to what they are saying then speak myself, I ask questions and relate examples of what they are speaking about to show that a) I'm listening and b) I'm genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you are interested in them, then you should chat to them as if they were friends, listen to what they have to say and interact on that basis. From there something else can develop, but I think (and may be wrong, I don't claim to fully understand women ) if you are focusing on the attraction you feel for them or on any hang-ups you may have then that can come across to them as unattractive, whereas if you are just chatting and listenning to them as a friend would then they respect you and find themselves interested in you. There has got to be some level of physical attraction of course, but you'll find that if you click with a girl because of your personality you'll be far happier and content in the long run.

As far as meeting women goes, most of my girlfriends have been girls I've met trough mutual friends, but you have to go out even to do that!! I'm not big on pubs/clubs either but they serve a necessary purpose for this, once you meet a girl and there's a mutual attraction you can go the cinema/theatre or whatever takes your fancy, but you need to meet her first!

This has just been my experience, I'm sure there are others here who will have better advice than me, notably the female members of boards, who understand their counterparts far better than I ever will

in summary:

1) Get out more, you have to go out to meet people

2) Be more confident in yourself, but not arrogant, confidence is attractive arrogance isn't

3) Listen, listen, Listen, speaking is optional but advised

4) Act as friend first and once they see that you're genuine they'll be willing to meet you again, presuming there is attraction on both sides

fintan

"he who dares rodders, he who dares!"

If you have a few good female friends, see if they can set you up with one of their mates? If a girl thinks your a nice guy, good craic etc and she tells her friend this, a lot of the chatting up has already been done for you.

But like people here have said, you need to make some sort of move to show your interested. As the saying goes, "He who hesitates, masterbates".

Happy hunting!

I am MAN

Or as the real saying goes "He who hesitates is lost"

I prefer the masturbate one though.

Kell

Just a guest wrote:

i'm 21 and just back to college for my third year

You're in college eh? Get out to as many college house parties as poss. You've stated you dont like the pub/club scene so a house party is the perfect place to meet femmes who share at least similar interests to you.

Iago had the perfect advice- listen and reciprocate. Apparantly, femmes love being spoken to as a person as opposed to objects you are hitting on (even if they are being hit on). Apparantly it is nice for them to have someone show a genuine interest in them and their interests. Maybe their interests involve having wild rampant sex with you. Who knows, but you gotta try.

Note- apparantlys slipped in their as I am not of female persuasion and dont like making sweeping generalisations.

K-

skywalker

its more common than you might think. i know loads of girls who have yet to kiss a girl . . . some day though

clearz

Are you mates enough with any girl that would just do it for the craic. But Serioulsy just for the craic.

OfflerCrocGod

I'm in much the same situation as you ( in 4th year instead ) and I have never been really strongly bothered about it. I don't know why but maybe it's to do with the fact that I know getting myself into a state over something which in the end isn't really important is just pointless. No I'm being serious scoring is not actually that important, I think you should just chill out and stop worrying. If you still want to be stressed then go ahead and follow all the above advice but it may just end up making things worse. If you really want to get a girlfriend then don't go out with that idea in mind just live your life as normal and you may get lucky! - while on the other hand forcing yourself to try and get a girl you may just end up stressed and depressed. Sorry for the lack of useful advice I just though someone should mention that there is nothing wrong with your life.

Pet

Eh, it's a man...

Stark

What Kell said.

Try and expand your social circle. Pubs and clubs may not be your thing but try to make the effort. Fair enough, you won't be satisfied by random girls you might snog when out, but it there are girls that you know going out you should go out with them. Be casual and chat away with them like you would with your guy friends. Attend class parties if you're in college or whatever. You're bound to attract some girl even if you're "not really pretty". Girls aren't overly preoccupied with looks, more with attitude and personality. Don't get too worked up about finding someone, they can smell that off you But don't be oblivious to when a girl shows interest in you either.

Duckjob

Just a guest wrote:

I'm not a really shy person but i'm not the type to speak out if I have the hots for a girl.

I think this line is the crux of the problem. You HAVE to speak out if you like someone, otherwise how are they going to know that you like them?

My own experience is that most girls are impressed when you can stick your neck out for them. You have to be prepared to make some bit of effort.

angeldelight

*volunteers to help*

No seriously though one of my friends is in same situation (except she's female) and I know there's a few guys who would be interested in her except whenever they try to talk to her she gives monosyllabic answers and gets extremely defensive.... I know what it feels like to be shy but sometimes you just have to try and make a huge effort to overcome it (speaking from personal experience) and start a conversation, be interested in what other person is saying, show you have an interest. If you're successful it's worth the discomfort and if you're not that time you'll know you can do it for again... Do try spend more time with any female friends you have though cause then you'll be more comfortable round any new women you meet. Good Luck!

jonny68

fintan wrote:

"he who dares rodders, he who dares!"

. As the saying goes, "He who hesitates, masterbates".

Happy hunting!

LegacyUser

drink helps

MidnightQueen

The right girl will come to u some day! U just have to wait and thats what i hate! I still dont know if i've met the right guy or not. It just takes time. She'll come to u eventually.

Hell if u havent kissed a girl, well boi all you have to do is go out and have a good time and maybe some gorgeous girl will throw herself all over you!! You'll never know!

clearz

Simple solution.

1) Go to www.basiqair.com and book a flight to Rotterdam @ arround 120 euro

2) Make sure you have a brand spanking new 50 euro note with you (or any other combination of notes, coins that makes up 50 euro will do)

3) Get the bus into Rotterdam City And head to the nearest red light with your 50. From here you can also get the train to Amsterdam (About 1 hour away) For the best selection of kisses money can buy.

Winters

Last time I was in Amsterdm it was €50 for what was known as a "suck and ****". With a bit of an 'ole 'aggle you can bring that price down a bit. Though dude. I'd look upon that as some sort of last resort.

To poster dude: It would be a lot cheaper to stop going "i dont wanna g oout to bars/pubs" and just start doing it. Go out to the pub with your mates, have a few pints, enjoy yourself. Once you are more comfortable with that then start talking to women in pubs etc. and let it move on from there. Just get yourself out of the house and into the world.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

or go out, and don't drink.. alcahol is bad for you

take an ecstacy pill, just one.. or even half one, enough to relax you and get you more comfortable around people.

cilamc

Mordeth wrote:

or go out, and don't drink.. alcahol is bad for you

take an ecstacy pill, just one.. or even half one, enough to relax you and get you more comfortable around people.

Probably doesn't really need to be said but I'm a LOUDMOUTH so...ignore Mordeth (appropriately named, given the content of the post har har). You're going to have to kiss plenty of frogs, don't get hung up about things. Flirt plenty, see where it gets you, be a little bit shameless.

Penfolds

clearz wrote:

Simple solution.

3) Get the bus into Rotterdam City And head to the nearest red light with your 50. From here you can also get the train to Amsterdam (About 1 hour away) For the best selection of kisses money can buy.

Once you get back from Rotterdam minus your 50€ you may want to check out the "STI clinics" sticky at the top of the board !

On a lighter note, If it's getting you down and you just want to get that first snog out of the way, then head out to Copper face jacks or whatever the equivalent low class establishment is in your part of the country and get that first snog crossed off your list of things to do before you die (if you go to Coppers you may well even get some typedef'ing thrown in free).
You probably won't enjoy hanging out in the club, but which would you prefer a night of being bored/ forcing yourself to talk to drunk women in a club or another month of felling hung-up about the kiss issue......lesser of two evils and all that !

Penfolds

Mordeth wrote:

or go out, and don't drink.. alcahol is bad for you

take an ecstacy pill, just one.. or even half one, enough to relax you and get you more comfortable around people.

So alcohol's bad for you Mordeth but ecstacy isn't.....WTF ?????

Winters

Penfolds wrote:

Once you get back from Rotterdam minus your 50€ you may want to check out the "STI clinics" sticky at the top of the board !

Its done quite tastefully in the Netherlands, a good bit of rules and regulations. And if your in anyway smart you will have 'aggled it down less then €50. But if he's only looking for a kiss it could be a lot cheaper then €50. Some drunk boird for example is a lot less then €50 and flights.

MadsL

It constantly amazes me that people thing that Amsterdam is the only city in the world with prostitutes. Sure, I walk past at least three every night on the way home...


Word of advice - don't do it as your first time. You'll regret it.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Penfolds wrote:

So alcohol's bad for you Mordeth but ecstacy isn't.....WTF ?????

some people don't like alcahol, personally I find it to be an offensive, filthy drug with no upsides and plenty of down. Ecstacy doesn't posess near half the potential of alcahol for death, or personal injury if it is treated with respect and if the user takes care of themselves.

(appropriately named, given the content of the post har har).

how many people died from taking ecstacy in Ireland last year?

how many died from taking alcahol?

ecstacy is a drug, alcahol is a drug. They both have different effects, and differnet ups and downs. Personally I beleive alcahol to be the more dangerous, socially and physically when it is abused but then I don't drink so I don't feel any affinity for this drinking culture we have in this ****ehole of a country.

arbeitsscheuer

Actually, the statistics back Mordeth up. Worldwide, 1000 people a day die from alcohol-related incidences. (This includes all incidences where alcohol was merely INVOLVED, not necessarily the prime cause of death, so this number should be taken with a pinch of salt)

Meanwhile a sinlge person worldwide dies from ecstasy per month. Again, in incidences where the drug was merely INVOLVED, not necessarily the main cause of death i.e. someone high on ecstacy beats to death some bloke at a nightclub - that would be included in the statistic. Dunno why, I'll check this out.

I've tried to give up drink a few times (#1 it costs too much, #2 it f**ks me up) and failed, but it is, IMO, a noble undertaking. Ah well, I'm weak, where's me pint?!


*My da's a psychiatrist, so that's how I've access to such medical studies and research, just in case you were wonderin!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

another reason for the way higher figure for alcahol is that a lot more people drink alcahol worldwide than take ecstacy (and some even take ecstacy *and* drink alcahol). So while ecstacy isn't the "ultra-super-safe happy drug", it is still less lethal than alcahol. Take that whatever way you want to.

chump

or go out, and don't drink.. alcahol is bad for you
take an ecstacy pill, just one.. or even half one, enough to relax you and get you more comfortable around people...
Ecstacy doesn't posess near half the potential of alcahol for death, or personal injury if it is treated with respect and if the user takes care of themselves.

I think the crux of the issue is when you say above, "just one.. or even half one"... if someone was to have the same responsible mentality towards drink I can't see health or personal harm being an issue. I think if you were to continue marketing the wholesomeness of ectasy and it did take off (to such an extent that every single person who drinks alcohol on a weekly basis moved over to ecstacy) you'd find it a lot more dangerous a tipple than alcohol.

If alcohol doesn't sit well with you personally, that's OK, but do you really believe if you converted the regular masses over to ecstacy it wouldn't cause more harm than alcohol? (not including the ridiculous "using with respect" clause)

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

well the Irish people have demonstrated, and keep on demonstrating that they just cannot handle their alcahol. Also, I was informing him of a choice he.. that he doesn't *have* to drink if he doesn't want to. Maybe he doesn't like drugs of any sort, but ,maybe he just isn't comfortable with the idea of alcahol or the alcahol-related culture in this country so a different drug might be more to his liking?

I prefer quite nights in and can't stand bar/pub/nightclubs etc., Might go to one once every 2-3 months.

he even said it himself, he can't stand bars/clubs and the like.. having a pill would make him more relaxed, make it easier to open up to the experience and have fun in that loud smelly, crowded pub the Irish call home.

also I'm not "marketing the wholesomenes" of ecstacy, the drug does have some dangers if abused but these dangers are minimal when compared to the risks related to alcahol.

(to such an extent that every single person who drinks alcohol on a weekly basis moved over to ecstacy) you'd find it a lot more dangerous a tipple than alcohol.

well.. no, i don't think you'd find it as dangerous as alcahol. but you're right that wouldn't be very healthy

from http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/mdma/mdma_faq.shtml#general

Deaths have been reported of some MDMA users who were also taking Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOIs are often prescribed as antidepressants). MDMA is *not* recommended to anyone taking any MAOI. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you're unsure whether a drug you are taking is an MAOI. Also be aware that some antidepressants (e.g. Prozac and Zoloft) may inhibit some of the effects of MDMA.

MDMA is thought by many to be a fairly safe drug, as long as you keep track of what your body is telling you (see Section III below for more discussion of safety). The euphoria that it induces can make it easy to ignore bodily distress signals, so be watchful for things like dehydration (drink lots of water or fruit juices!), muscle cramping, dizziness, exhaustion or overexertion. Several reports from England tell of dosed ravers dancing themselves into severe dehydration and heat exhaustion that required hospitalization and in a few cases resulted in death. An MDMA overdose is characterized by high pulse or blood pressure, faintness, muscle cramping, or panic attacks. If you experience any of these symptoms, sit down, rest, and drink some fruit juice, water, or a gatorade-type sports drink. In the unlikely event someone has a more severe reaction, e.g. loss of consciousness or seizures, get medical help as soon as possible.

It's just an issue of choice, if he doesn't like pubs..and maybe he doesn't want to go out and get ****faced. taking one ecstacy tablet before going out, and having a nice buzz might help him open up and relax around people. Doing that every week when he's going out, that would be stupid and dangerous. Ecstacy is a relatively safe drug, but there's still a lot of study to be done and constant/over-use of any drug really isn't a great idea.

If alcohol doesn't sit well with you personally, that's OK, but do you really believe if you converted the regular masses over to ecstacy it wouldn't cause more harm than alcohol? (not including the ridiculous "using with respect" clause)

I'm not trying to convert the masses, I'm giving this poster an alternative to alcahol use.