Girls asking boys out?

flygirl

What's your take on this (guys & girls)?

I've never done it before myself, but I met a nice guy over the weekend, we met in a pub, had a great laugh and a kiss etc. & he came back to mine for coffee (and that was all it was!) but made no plans to hook up again - i.e. no numbers were exchanged.

I was cool with that at the time as I'm just out of a long term relationship and not looking for anyone else at the moment, but since friday night I was thinking that we had a great laugh and it would be fun to see him again, just for a few drinks or whatever. Plus I was very attracted to him and the feeling seemed mutual!

We did discover that we had a good friend in common so I could get his number/email address if I wanted....I was thinking maybe drop him a casual email to see if he'd be into hooking up again sometime??

Not sure if he's interested but nothing ventured etc...and at the very least he might be flattered...
Or would I be making a total ass of myself?

It's not like I'm crazy about him so if he said no i wouldn't be too bothered (just my wounded pride...lol)...What do the guys among you think about girls asking you out & should I go for it?

Thanks
flygirl.

mycroft

Go forth and conquer.

Ask any bloke here, we love having the girl make the first move. It's flattering, and a nice boost to the ego.

Jim

If you like him I don't see what the problem with asking him out is.
All he can do is say no, and if he does it would be the same as if you didn't ask him.
Some people might be embarrased by it, I don't really see why myself.

therecklessone

mycroft wrote:

Go forth and conquer.

Ask any bloke here, we love having the girl make the first move. It's flattering, and a nice boost to the ego.

And most of us are useless lumps who need a little prodding every now and then.

Go for it, and best of luck.

Amz

I've asked a guy out before only coz I knew if I didn't he'd never have the guts to do it.

Whilst it was easy enough to do at the time the fact that he was such a pushover and pretty much went along with everything I said it made for a pretty boring experience.

I'm sure I'd do it again at some point, I guess it depends on how much you like the guy and how approachable he is etc.

Gopher it!

flygirl

Looks like I should go for it then...

The only thing niggling at me is that he didn't ask for my number so should I have taken the hint from that???

Oh and is email the best way to go....(I can make my own decisions, I swear...)?

Jim

Perhaps he felt intimidated and thought you didn't like him.

koneko

Maybe he was too shy to ask, or just plain forgot (somehow).

I'd have no probs asking someone out and have done so before. No harm in asking. If you're turned down, at least you tried and you won't be left wondering What If.

Baffled

In the same boat myself at the mo but Im just too shy/scared/embarrassed to ask him out. Fear of rejection I think......

Civilian_Target

Ask him.

Jim

Baffled wrote:

Fear of rejection I think......

NUTS!

Zulu

Baffled wrote:

In the same boat myself at the mo but Im just too shy/scared/embarrassed to ask him out. Fear of rejection I think......

Welcome to our world
On another point...
If you like someone, you should ask them out. Why do women feel they can't ask guys out? Aren't we all equal now? I taught these opinions were outdated

koneko

Absolutely, I don't see why anyone would think they can't ask someone out just because they're female.

I'd give the same advice to guys as girls, JUST ASK THEM OUT ALREADY. What will you gain from not doing it? Saving possible embarrassment? You'll feel bad for a few minutes, and then you'll be glad you at least asked. There is absolutely nothing to gain from not asking.

If he's the kind of guy that's bothered by a girl asking him out, then he isn't worth going out with anyway. This is 2004 people, it shouldn't matter.

Jim

koneko wrote:

Absolutely, I don't see why anyone would think they can't ask someone out just because they're female.

I'd give the same advice to guys as girls, JUST ASK THEM OUT ALREADY. What will you gain from not doing it? Saving possible embarrassment? You'll feel bad for a few minutes, and then you'll be glad you at least asked. There is absolutely nothing to gain from not asking.

If he's the kind of guy that's bothered by a girl asking him out, then he isn't worth going out with anyway. This is 2004 people, it shouldn't matter.

But we still have to pay for dinner right?

koneko

I always pay half or do a "you pay this time, I'll pay next time".

Zulu

...and hold the door open, naturally.

Jim

koneko wrote:

I always pay half or do a "you pay this time, I'll pay next time".

I was jesting.

I wouldn't pay for anything.

Amz

We get dinner now?

PiE

Let's see... you met in a pub, fooled around a bit, you invited him back to yours... and all he got was a cup of coffee?

No wonder he left in a hurry.

aidan_walsh

Zulu wrote:

Aren't we all equal now?

We're equal when they want us to be, and they're weaker when they feel the need to be... Unfortunatly, since they have the choice to be either, that makes them superior to us...

But back on topic, I just want to say this; Go for it, and see what happens. If he says yes, fantastic. If he says no, well, you tried. Either way, just be glad you have found the ability to like someone again.

Jim

Amz wrote:

We get dinner now?

You can have the crusts.

flygirl

PiE wrote:

Let's see... you met in a pub, fooled around a bit, you invited him back to yours... and all he got was a cup of coffee?

No wonder he left in a hurry.

Oi!!!
If it had gone any further, and he still hadn't asked for my number, I'd be feeling pretty CHEAP which is worse than being confused!
Quiet you....

mycroft

We get dinner now?

You get a battered sausage and half me curry chips.....

If it had gone any further, and he still hadn't asked for my number, I'd be feeling pretty CHEAP which is worse than being confused!

Look young skywalker do or do not there is no try.

Seems like you made the right choice, he might have left thinking you didn't like him because well y'know, you only let him watch the coming attractions, and didn't ask him to stay for the feature (nudge nudge wink wink)

So if you call him, he'll know that you wanted more than a shag and you're interested......

Zulu

...of course now he might just go out with you untill he gets you in the sack - to complete the mission as it were - in which case you'll only find out if he likes you after you sleep with him. This could have been prevented by sleeping with him the first night!

Why is it cheap to sleep with someone on the first night? (assuming your over a certain age ie: mid-twenties) Surly, you'll be with someone because you like them, and if you like them.... (Just interested to know how "liberated" we all really are - que the bad rep points...)

OfflerCrocGod

I don't see the problem. Ask him out if you like him, don't otherwise. It's not rocket science, it's a basic equation. Go on

flygirl

Zulu wrote:

...of course now he might just go out with you untill he gets you in the sack - to complete the mission as it were QUOTE]

Who says I don't want to go out with him just to get him in the sack?? The thought has crossed my mind y'know.

It's not that I think it's cheap to sleep with someone on the first night, everyone should do what feels right for them....it just didn't feel right at the time so...I didn't initiate it.

I also didn't want to bring the whole 'just-out-of-relationship-straight-into-fumbly-drunken-fling' cliche to life on my sofa....

pickarooney

You need to buy better coffee.

skywalker

PiE wrote:

Let's see... you met in a pub, fooled around a bit, you invited him back to yours... and all he got was a cup of coffee?

No wonder he left in a hurry.

thats the first thing i thought of.

mycroft wrote:

Look young skywalker do or do not there is no try.

:eek: :eek:

Zulu

Smart maneovuring so - 10/10 and a gold star for you!

smoke.me.a.kipper

it shows the girl knows what they want and arn't afraid to do something about it. rar!

therecklessone

mycroft wrote:

Seems like you made the right choice, he might have left thinking you didn't like him because well y'know, you only let him watch the coming attractions, and didn't ask him to stay for the feature (nudge nudge wink wink)

What a beautiful way with words...

AngryBadger

flygirl wrote:

I was thinking maybe drop him a casual email to see if he'd be into hooking up again sometime??

best idea ever....you're not secretly a man are you??? :eek:

flygirl

AngryBadger wrote:

best idea ever....you're not secretly a man are you??? :eek:

Ah bless...nope, all woman...oo-er

OK folks, going to get that number/email address tonight and make contact tomorrow...Here goes.

Cheers for the comments & I will keep you posted!

The Corinthian

Amz wrote:

We get dinner now?

Sure you will. Fill you right up too.

Gordon

Good luck flygirl.

tribble

flygirl wrote:

Looks like I should go for it then...

The only thing niggling at me is that he didn't ask for my number so should I have taken the hint from that???

Oh and is email the best way to go....(I can make my own decisions, I swear...)?

Subtley 'aint my genders best asset, don't judge us by what we don't do.

Memnoch

good luck flygirl, u made the right choice imo, even if it doesn't necessarily turn out right in the end.

My GF asked me out and we are together for 4+ years now and still going strong. She certainly hasn't regretted it, and neither have I.

Victor

Just ask, informally, by phone / email / text / in person.

Amz wrote:

We get dinner now?

Girls get the meat, guys get the fish.

PiE wrote:

Let's see... you met in a pub, fooled around a bit, you invited him back to yours... and all he got was a cup of coffee? No wonder he left in a hurry.

Apparently he got a tongue sandwich.

elivsvonchiaing

The guy has lied to you - about one thing - he's still a virgin. He painted himself into a corner bullsh1tting about old-girl friends etc. Now, you have to lead him very subtlely - the big danger here is that if you do have sex - he will behave like a stray-dog that never had any affection. You will have to kick him in the nuts to get rid of him if it goes wrong.

I know this 'cos it happened to me 20 years ago - when I was er 7 okay bit older...

flygirl

Well, I did it...got the number and texted him asking if he'd be into meeting up again sometime (all casual like...lol)...

He sent a nice reply saying he'd only recently broken up with someone (so he's in the same boat as me!) so he was just going to enjoy being single for now but that we'd probably see each other around sometime.
Of course he could have been letting me down gently but that's fine with me...

So rejection (ouch!) but I didn't feel too bad afterwards, I was actually on a bit of a high just having done it...Now I can tick 'Ask a boy out' off the 'Things to do before I'm 30 list'
It's great not to have the What Ifs and just know where you stand one way or the other.

Go do it ladies!

And lads, you know what this means....;)

Thanks to all who gave their euro's worth.

flygirl x

mycroft

So rejection (ouch!) but I didn't feel too bad afterwards, I was actually on a bit of a high just having done it...Now I can tick 'Ask a boy out' off the 'Things to do before I'm 30 list'

The boy is a fool, a FOOL I tells ya

aidan_walsh

Yeah, clearly doen't know what he's missing...

Hillbilly

Fair play to ya Flygirl
I wish there was more girls like you
If any good looking girl wants to ask me out on a date......... fire away
Btw my coffee tastes real good

Tusky

If a girl asked me out id give her a penis to the face without delay...

on a more serious note I think its great - It should happen more often and im sure most guys would me impressed with it !

smoke.me.a.kipper

Tusky wrote:

If a girl asked me out id give her a penis to the face without delay...

on a more serious note I think its great - It should happen more often and im sure most guys would me impressed with it !

i agree with everything you said.

ShiverinEskimo

I got to this one too late. (assuming you give a damn what i say)

Like women, men only want the things they think they can't have. As soon as someone suggests that they are his for the taking, see ya.
Harsh but true.
The Chase is as good as the catch. If you don't work for something you don't appreciate it. Girl's go for dickheads because dickheads are dickheads and play games.
I bet i could find a ton of guys who told a female how much they liked them and never got with them.

SOrry Flygirl, your brave, but in future, treat them mean, keep them keen.
what i said above is what everyone wants to disagree with and I agree. Its a horrible way to do this whole boy meets girl thing and vice versa but this isn't a romantic comedy, people like a challenge. You don't give them the challenge they don';t play the game.

Before you judge me I am with a girl for 2 years and in the process of perhaps living happily ever after.

Kêrmêttê

ShiverinEskimo wrote:

SOrry Flygirl, your brave, but in future, treat them mean, keep them keen.

If anyone treated me mean I'd walk. All my other female friends would do the same.
We are living in enlightened times and there's too much going on in people's lives to bother sifting out the crap. Relationships are complicated enough without playing silly mindgames and adding to the pressure.
I agree that smothering your significant other is not a good idea either... but you can give a person their space and still let them know that they are special to you.

Congrats to you Flygirl on your efforts! He didn't give you a flat no though... maybe in a few weeks or months... who knows what will happen when you bump into him in the coffee shop again!

BEAT

Kêrmêtt&#234 wrote:

He didn't give you a flat no though... maybe in a few weeks or months... who knows what will happen when you bump into him in the coffee shop again!

I wouldnt count on it. All she did was ask him for coffee again and he turned it down with the excuse of just breaking up, as if she were asking him to be her boyfriend...now, he is either letting her down nicley because he isnt interested (didnt even ask for her phone# tbh) or he is being a jerk.
Doesnt sound to me like he was mean to her so I am guessing he is just letting her know he isnt interested in her.

It's tuff I know, I have been rejected enough times so that I am at the point where, if they dont speak up I will just go home. Tired of always having to make the first move...I have decided that if a guy is worth having he will show he knows what he wants by asking me out or something of that nature. I think guys have become too lazy in this area or maybe they are just rejected so much that they dont want to risk it.
It sucks for both men and women in this respect.
How did I solve this problem? I got used to being alone and faced the fact that I will probably end up that way anyway...so I live my life happily not expecting anything to happen.

Good luck to you in the future though flygirl, you only start to feel like me after having done it for years. You are just beginning and maybe you will ask out your furture husband one day...so dont be afraid...just do it

The Corinthian

BEAT wrote:

How did I solve this problem? I got used to being alone and faced the fact that I will probably end up that way anyway...so I live my life happily not expecting anything to happen.

Next week BEAT discusses the futility of existence with hilarious results.

BEAT

The Corinthian wrote:

Next week BEAT discusses the futility of existence with hilarious results.

dont miss it...channel 2

ShiverinEskimo

Kêrmêtt&#234 wrote:

Relationships are complicated enough without playing silly mindgames and adding to the pressure.

My point is that we play these games without even realising it..