Mixed couples

rom1

I am French and my girlfirend Polish. We've been living together a couple of years in Dublin now. We speak english together. Polish and French are difficult languages

Do any of you have similar experiences? I see more an more Irish guys hand-in-hands with Chinese girls on the streets for example.

I wouldn't have thought something like that possible a couple of years ago, and I am amazed by how it is so natural for me now.

Big Ears

This isn't really a personal issue is it ?

rom1

You're right, but I see many other threads which couldn't be classified as personal issues in this forum category...
It's fine if the moderator wants to get rid of my thread...

Draíochta

My wifes chinese, but she speaks english and i'm learning chinese.
Thing I don't get is when a chinese girl marries an irish bloke (or vice versa) and won't try learn chinese, some won't even go to china!
I know a few Chinese/Irish couples btw

RuggieBear

I'm Irish and my girlfriend is from the Merseyside.....sometimes i think the scouse accent is so strange it might as well be a foreign language!!

Thing I don't get is when a chinese girl marries an irish bloke (or vice versa) and won't try learn chinese, some won't even go to china!

I'd find that a bit strange alright....think it's really important to learn one anothers language, culture and backgrounds. allows for better underdtanding and a deeper commitment, i reckon.

p

Draíochta

Scouse is much harder than Chinese!
Although you have it for travel, you could go watch a game and still be in the good books.

RuggieBear

Dra&#237 wrote: »

Scouse is much harder than Chinese!
Although you have it for travel, you could go watch a game and still be in the good books.

LOL. Have a friend engaged to a japonese girl and he reckons that japones is even harder than chinese...altho they do alot of communication in french

Actually been to anfield and was bored rigid by the backward passing game they used......

GuanYin

Surely this is less about mixed couples and more about language barriers?

Mixed couples infers race, but race is independent of language....

RuggieBear

syke wrote:

Surely this is less about mixed couples and more about language barriers?

Mixed couples infers race, but race is independent of language....

i think you are right. But the thread starter is french (admitedly with pretty good english) and maybe used "mixed" in an slightly dif sense....but who am i to be putting words into somebody else's mouth...

Draíochta

Probably is sounds totally different, Chinese ain't that hard actually.
It's the reading bit that kills me.

Just thinking not that good there's probably loads of hard grammar for me to learn!

RuggieBear

Dra&#237 wrote: »

Probably is sounds totally different, Chinese ain't that hard actually.
It's the reading bit that kills me.

Just thinking not that good there's probably loads of hard grammar for me to learn!

Actually, my mate said the japoness alphabet was more "westernised" and thus simpler than the chinese one. Seemingly chinese is use sybols for whole words while japonese words are made up of letters. Admitedly, this is all stuff he has told me...so i apologise if i'm talking craap

Draíochta

Yes you are right, heard that about japanese and chinese is one symbol per word. the worst thing is the have loads and loads of words which are he same except the charactor. The word ma has 13 different meanings each with it's own character, and there is only four tones (don't ask) so still loads the same, and I though english was bad.

Anyway does your friend have any cultural problems ( to get back on topic).

Gordon

Moved from PI.

RuggieBear

Dra&#237 wrote: »

Yes you are right, heard that about japanese and chinese is one symbol per word. the worst thing is the have loads and loads of words which are he same except the charactor. The word ma has 13 different meanings each with it's own character, and there is only four tones (don't ask) so still loads the same, and I though english was bad.

Anyway does your friend have any cultural problems ( to get back on topic).

None that he has really mentioned to me.....

whykay

I'm an Irish born Chinese girl and currently going out with an Irish boyfriend. He's taken to learning Cantonese (classes), and speaks some of the basic lingo when we go back to my family down south or back to Far East. His family is great!!! He has German relations as well, so it's not a problem with languages, or that we are mixed.

Japanese characters are derives from Chinese characters, that is why you see similar characters between both langauages written script. My parents (both Chinese) when they were in Japan for their honeymoon back then, they would communicate via Chinese writing as all Japanese people are schooled with knowledge of Chinese characters as well as the rest of the Japanese character sets. (It gets very complicated as there are 4 sets (I think), and one of the sets are Chinese characters.)

Mixed relationships is not as a taboo as it was before? There has been lots of talk about it, especially at British Born Chinese community boards that I visit once in awhile to check out what's happening with BBCs.

But I don't get wierd stares or anything when we go out. And Dublin has changed (same everywhere around Ireland), we are getting very metropolitan. I think we all just merge, and no-one really cares what colour skin you are (albeit there are a few places left that would think otherwise, but it's a minority.).

Flukey

What do people think about cultural differences? Apart from the language there are different ways that we do things compared to other countries. There are a lot of things that we do or customs that are part of our society and culture, that we think as normal but may be looked upon differently by people coming from other countries.

Socially, pubs are very big in Irish culture, but this is not so much the same in some other countries. Pubs in some countries have completely different connotations and purposes than here. As a result some people from other countries are reluctant to go into pubs because they have a completely different idea of what a pub is. Then of course there is the way we actually drink! Apart from other Europeans, you will notice that there are not so many people from other countries in pubs, proportionate to the amount of foreign people in the country.

When you go abroad you notice differences in the way we do things. Ireland is very easy going and relaxed compared to some countries. That can be very frustrating for some people coming here. When you deal with a business or an official or even just a friend and they tell you they will get back to you on something and they don't. How often have you rang a service and they have told you that, but it doesn't happen? A lot of other countries are much more efficient.

Fashions are very different. The way we dress is certainly different. Young women in Ireland would dress very differently to women from other countries do. What do the muslims who are almost completely covered in clothing think of young women with hardly any? Male fashions would be different to, though probably not to the same extent.

Our society is different in many ways. It is probably even more difficult when people do not integrate themselves and spend most of the time with people from their own countries. Without Irish friends it is even harder to integrate and get familiar with things Irish.

I am sure some of the foreign contributors to the thread must have some opinions and observations on this. What do you think is different here, compared to what you are used to? What are the things both generally in living here and in your relationships do you find most different or difficult?

Evilution

I've been involvd with Finnish girls, a french girl, an english girl and a malaysian girl. The first Finnish girl was the nicest; actually nordics in general are very nice people.
After you've gone out with girls from non-irish countries, it kinda highlights the shortcomings of irish girls.

ferdi

i am the product of such a union.

i am a fan of mixed couples (from different countries - less chance of inbreeding)

i seem to get on with foreign girls better, irish girls dont like me much

Evilution

ferdi wrote:

i seem to get on with foreign girls better

Ditto.

ferdi wrote:

irish girls dont like me much

Any idea why?

Raskolnikov

Evilution wrote:

it kinda highlights the shortcomings of irish girls.

Care to elaborate?

Evilution

Raskolnikov wrote:

Care to elaborate?

No, not really. A percentage of people here will know what I mean, others won't. You obviously fall into the latter.

elvis2002

My girlfriend of 3 years is chinese. I've learned so much from her about China, I've come to realise that the stuff on tv is all propoganda. Everything about China being poor, backwards, most of it is rubbish. Its funny to hear that in China, the western world is viewed the same on TV, they believe we have bad living conditions and poor pay, When she came to Ireland, she thought all of ireland was a war zone except for Dublin.

I used to get funny looks here and there. Sometimes when we go out to a nightclub I hear "chink" alot, and 5$ dollar references (u know what i mean). I've seen aot of racism from lads from school, 12-15. We used to avoid going down town from college (itcarlow) between 1-2 because it used to be very bad. We simply could not walk the street without these little fcukers in packs shouting abusities.

Shortcomings of Irish Girls - It depends I suppose on peoples different experiences. Its not really fair to stereotype Irish women but I agree anyways.

Evilution

elvis2002 wrote:

My girlfriend of 3 years is chinese

Your girlfriend is 3 years old????

elvis2002 wrote:

I used to get funny looks here and there. Sometimes when we go out to a nightclub I hear "chink" alot, and 5$ dollar references

I hate that sort of thing. Used to get that too when I was seeing the malaysian girl. Made my blood boil.

elvis2002 wrote:

Shortcomings of Irish Girls - It depends I suppose on peoples different experiences. Its not really fair to stereotype Irish women but I agree anyways.

Stereotyping irish girls is like shooting fish in a barrell, its too easy. They really are becoming products of a western society - increased corpulence and obesity, greater fixation with money, more vain, higher maintenance, increasingly temperamental etc.
I'm not saying that irish lads are any better; I'm a guy who likes girls so I tend to notice this stuff about girls more. That said, some lads I know 'could' fall into some of the above categories.
At the end of the day, the girls I like are generally what you would call 'one in a thousand' girls - maybe the lads will know what I mean. When we lads talk about girls like this, we generally refer to them as 'cool' and 'sound' - two of the greatest compliments a girl can get from a lad, believe it or not.

monster_fighter

Evilution wrote:

Your girlfriend is 3 years old????

??? Where did you pull that from?

"of three years" is perfectly valid syntax.

Coney Island

Evilution wrote:

No, not really. A percentage of people here will know what I mean, others won't. You obviously fall into the latter.

elvis2002

Evilution wrote:

Stereotyping irish girls is like shooting fish in a barrell, its too easy. They really are becoming products of a western society - increased corpulence and obesity, greater fixation with money, more vain, higher maintenance, increasingly temperamental etc.

Man aint that the truth, lads are no better though i find. Lads at college who play the field tell me though that women like to be treated like ****e, if you act hard with them they respect you more. Aint that belief truly unbelievable for somebody to have??

btw - my girlffriend picked me up, not me picking her up, her reason, i'm one of few people she'd met in ireland who doesnt mind studying that much, something the chinese culture find more important than how much drink u can buy them(irish women).....

Evilution

monster_fighter wrote:

??? Where did you pull that from?

"of three years" is perfectly valid syntax.

Oh ask me arse :rolleyes:
This is a perfect example of how boards members are getting increasingly sensitive and pernickity about the slightest thing.
So monster fighter, go off and fight monsters, not my sense of humour and puns!

elvis2002 wrote:

Lads at college who play the field tell me though that women like to be treated like ****e, if you act hard with them they respect you more

Yeah, but you have to be able to (a) approach them without getting your head bitten off, and (b) get them away from their sychophantic friends, to be able to do this. I think what they really mean is 'get them drunk and slag them off'.

Miles

As my sister says "Treat em mean, keep em keen."

Rabies

I don't think it really matters unless the language barrier is so bad that you can't communicate. Race shouldn't play a part in it.

pickarooney

Rabies wrote:

I don't think it really matters unless the language barrier is so bad that you can't communicate. Race shouldn't play a part in it.

Language is only a minor detail. It's not like you can ever understand women no matter what they're speaking.

Evilution

Miles wrote:

As my sister says "Treat em mean, keep em keen."

she's a frequent visitor to the wellwoman clinics, I'd say :eek:

Evilution

pickarooney wrote:

It's not like you can ever understand women no matter what they're speaking.

Especially when they come equiped with that device that can repel even the most amorous suitor - the fiendish D4 accent. :mad:

DEmeant0r

pickarooney wrote:

Language is only a minor detail. It's not like you can ever understand women no matter what they're speaking.

Truth of the highest order!

The posters who reported hearing racist comments when with their girlfriends shows that Irish society is not totally welcoming of mixed couples. Although there are a lot of different races and nationalities here, I don't get the same feeling I get in some UK cities where genuinely no one cares what colour you are. I'm Irish but I'm 1/4 Spanish and came out looking totally Spanish - olive skin, black eyes and what have you. No-one has ever been openly racist but I often feel like I don't quite fit in because of how I look, even though I FEEL Irish. A lot of times, I'll be at a party or event and no-one will talk to me and I'll start to wonder what's wrong with me, and then when I start talking people are like 'oh, sorry I wasn't talking, I thought you were foreign!' WTF? that makes it alright then???

Often when guys approach me they ask where I'm from and when I say Dublin act like I'm a liar and tell me I'm not Irish. I know they aren't trying to be mean/racist but it's really hurtful when people make you feel like you don't belong in your own country. It's just ignorance, assuming Irish people should all have pasty skin and ginger hair.

On the topic, I see a few mixed couples but I still feel like Irish people are not totally accepting of foreigners. This city could be a really great melting pot if people got over their bigoted ideas. My friend is a headscarf wearing muslim girl from Iran and although mostly she is treated very well, sometimes people are rude or downright nasty, clearly because she is foreign and different. I've heard comments from other people when a black/white, white/chinese etc couple walks past and it makes me sick. Maybe it's just because Ireland has been all-white for so long. In 10 years things could be a lot different.

Flukey

Ireland has changed a lot in the past 10 years. Ireland was always a country of emmigration, not immigration. Prior to the early 90s, you would not have seen very many foreign people resident in Ireland. It is still a relatively new phenomenom. A lot of people are not educated about these things and believe a lot of the misinformation out there about the immigrants. Education is the key to overcoming this and more integration. Britain has had a lot longer to get used to this, but there are still problems there. All we can do is try to make people as welcome as possible and help them integrate. A lot of racism is out there, but most people are accepting of the new people coming to Ireland. It'll take a while, but things will improve, though there will always be some racism here.

elvis2002

Brinley Uninterested Gypsum, i know a few irish chinese people, they got the culchie accent and all, they speak a little chinese they learned from their parents but are irish all the way, they even know some of the irish language. They are never treated like it though, everybody always assumes they are chinese. When they say they're from Cork etc, people find it extraordinary and think of them as some illegals.

As a whole though, i find that Irish people respect Chinese people to a certain degree because they work hard and dont live off the state like other cultures coming to Ireland.

Evilution

I'm still disappointed in irish people as a whole, for responding in this almost-racist way. I mean, its 2005 and we have a lot of foreigners in the country so I don't understand where this big stigma on mixed couples is coming from. One thing I have noticed though is that people who have spent time abroad themselves tend to be a lot more open and understanding about mixed relationships. Maybe its just the really Oirish Irish that have the problem?

Flukey

Those that have stayed in Ireland are not so open to or familiar with people from other countries. They have not had exposure to other societies so their realm of experience is what they know of Ireland. For most of their lives foreign residents and cultures were not a part of that.

Evilution

Yanno what makes me cringe? Going into a chinese resturaunt after a night out and hearing drunken arseholes doing the whole "ching chong chinaman" routine. Kinda makes me ashamed to be irish, that does.

Beruthiel

rom1 wrote:

Do any of you have similar experiences?

oui
mais c'est pas tes oignons

Spalk0

ferdi wrote:

i am the product of such a union.

i am a fan of mixed couples (from different countries - less chance of inbreeding)

i seem to get on with foreign girls better, irish girls dont like me much

Agree really!

I seem to get on with foreign girls!

Have dated about 3 french women, one turkish and another Italian!

Works out at about the same as the amount of Irish women ive gone out with!

Im all for it though, different cultures and all!

Drapper

Evilution wrote:

Yanno what makes me cringe? Going into a chinese resturaunt after a night out and hearing drunken arseholes doing the whole "ching chong chinaman" routine. Kinda makes me ashamed to be irish, that does.

I'm in a mixed relationship, and we experiece this all the time, however if the irish who made these comments visited the far east thier perceptions would change. Too many irish think we are the centre of the universe.

BTW the Chinese take the mik of Ireland too:-

1. Thinking we are better than them
2. Think out transport and infrastructure is the best in the world !!!
3. That we think they all live in straw huts and wear straw hats !!!

How wrong we are !!!! Lets live together and forget race !!!!!!

:-)

seamus

ferdi wrote:

i seem to get on with foreign girls better, irish girls dont like me much

I think some people get that. I know a guy who's action is sparse at home, and if he does get it, it's usually the one of the heifers left over at closing time.
Any female friends of mine describe him as an immature, sleazy weirdo, which he is.
But when he goes abroad, suddenly he's an attractive, fun guy, and never fails to score.

Probably why he goes on holiday so much.

It's "grass is always greener" stuff. Foreign people are different, and therefore more interesting, which is why some people go on about X country's women being better than ours. Live in Spain for long enough, and soon you'll be yearning for Irish women for an easier life.

I don't know many mixed couples tbh. My cousin has a German (I think) girlfriend. She hasn't got great English, but they get on like a house on fire. Goes to prove that most communication is non-verbal.

Skud

I'll try keep this short... On the basis of Irish - Chinese relations: I saw this program about an American family who had to move to somewhere in Mongolia. They lived with a bunch of nomads for 6 weeks. It really opened their eyes at the cultural differences. They were a farming people but it would have been similar to living conditions of 1930s rural ireland, no electricity, no local shops, not tv etc. Think it was on sky travel or something if anyone saw it can they say it. So much to say about what ppl said.

Shortcomings of Irish Girls - It depends I suppose on peoples different experiences. Its not really fair to stereotype Irish women but I agree anyways.

Stereotyping irish girls is like shooting fish in a barrell, its too easy. They really are becoming products of a western society - increased corpulence and obesity, greater fixation with money, more vain, higher maintenance, increasingly temperamental etc.
I'm not saying that irish lads are any better; I'm a guy who likes girls so I tend to notice this stuff about girls more. That said, some lads I know 'could' fall into some of the above categories.
At the end of the day, the girls I like are generally what you would call 'one in a thousand' girls - maybe the lads will know what I mean. When we lads talk about girls like this, we generally refer to them as 'cool' and 'sound' - two of the greatest compliments a girl can get from a lad, believe it or not.

I know what you mean by one in a thousdand girls :P
Definitly we have become more "western" no doubt. Myself and my friend(he's going out with an Italian girl)were discussing this at work the other day: Irish girls are harder to get on with. It's just, I think 1, product of a society (in Cork and mostly outside of Dublin) that offers for the most part single sex schooling.2, We are less relaxed towards the European idea of sex.
for example when Cork first introduced the idea of a sex shop there was so much contravesy about it.3, Probably the influence of the church on our parents growing up. It's only recently that educated ppl(more ppl in college these days compared to our parents) that we have really questioned their beliefs. 4,The influx of foreigners. We live in a nation of fear, the media is completely negative. This negativity stems to our xenophobia.

Lets face it, if an Irish girl was out of the country and she ran into an Irish guy, she'd be friendly with him. Why -> probably comort zone. You can talk about home or share personal experiences. Anyone who has ever been to Dubriovnik in Crioatia would see that.(Irish pub) But at home she acts stuck up because she thinks hes drunk or hes going to make a move on her.
BTW lads are just as bad as women...

Quote:
Originally Posted by elvis2002
Lads at college who play the field tell me though that women like to be treated like ****e, if you act hard with them they respect you more

Yeah, but you have to be able to (a) approach them without getting your head bitten off, and (b) get them away from their sychophantic friends, to be able to do this. I think what they really mean is 'get them drunk and slag them off'.

So true, one night my friend (male) was being a drunk dickhead to these two relatively attractive girls. They had every right to lay into him tbh and I would have, but I was trying to calm them down. I was talking to one and the other strated and i calmed her down too. Then my friend left and I was apologising for his behaviour and this third girl like a battleaxe outta hell this erupted at me what you saying to my friend, that's my friend. My jaw dropped and I stood there in shock, I just had to walk. Couldn't do anything else. TBH shes probably used to it but still it's a bit ignorant.

Often when guys approach me they ask where I'm from and when I say Dublin act like I'm a liar and tell me I'm not Irish. I know they aren't trying to be mean/racist but it's really hurtful when people make you feel like you don't belong in your own country. It's just ignorance, assuming Irish people should all have pasty skin and ginger hair.

Just cause it walks like a shovel and talks like a shovel doesn't mean its a shovel. To be fair ppl should not say sorry I thought you were foreign. FFS Phil Lynott, Samantha Mumba (god knows where Colin Farrel is from) are all famous Irish (non Irish looking) stars. PPl can just be so ignorant sometimes. Wvwn if you were foreign isn't easier to talk to you? Where you from? What you do here? You like it? etc... I don't know sometimes.

A lot of people are not educated about these things and believe a lot of the misinformation out there about the immigrants. Education is the key to overcoming this and more integration

I disagree. More integration is a must but you can have all the education in the owrld and be ignornant as ****. I feel myself to be openminded and am well travelled. If you're not used to an idea then you won't take to it. When I was in America the amount of African-Americans was a new concept for me. I hadn't seen that amount of interracial interaction and I was (given very young at the time) but also taken back by it. It was a culture shock. If you're not used to it in society the only way to deal with it is in colloquial life. Our schools should help by interacting the kids at a young age with ethnic classes but isn't our education system at the moment the one responsible for the Irish ignornance now or merely are we ignornant ppl?

Yanno what makes me cringe? Going into a chinese resturaunt after a night out and hearing drunken arseholes doing the whole "ching chong chinaman" routine. Kinda makes me ashamed to be irish, that does.

Pure ignorance

Mixed racial couples will never be accepted by the nation with the current concept of thinking. It's a shame that so many people suffer so much hardships in this day and age. I mean for people to be racially abused for walking down the street/in a club etc is just plain bollocks... Sorry for this but I don't adminsiter these racial jeers nor am I resposible for others actions. hopefully this attitude will change. I've experienced it with a friend of mine, and I'm sad @calling myself Irish with these ppl being associated with my culture. Where is our culture?

gimmick

As a Cork guy from the Southside of the City, I went out with a girl from the Northside, and ill tell you, NEVER, EEEVER cross the river.

Way too culturaly diverse.

koneko

I guess I'm "lucky" that even though I'm not Irish, I don't look foreign, and pretty much sound Irish at this point (to most people). Nearly everyone is sound when they find out where I'm from, but Western Europe isn't really counted as "foreign" to a lot of people, if I were from Eastern Europe or Asia it'd be a whole different story I imagine, I've seen some seriously ignorant displays of racism since I've been over, but it's usually from the type of people that you'd expect that from (scumbags), most people are fine.

I know a lot of lads who subscribe to the "foreign girls are better" newsletter (and as one, I can see where they're coming from ).

ferdi

seamus wrote:

Any female friends of mine describe him as an immature, sleazy weirdo, which he is

dont thiunk i didnt notice that you are calling me an immature sleazy weirdo!!!

i wouldnt put myself in any of those catagories....maybe weirdo.

Sleepy

Seeing a Scottish girl at the moment but I think the Irish and Scottish cultures are so alike there's no more of a cultural difference between us than you'd find with a couple from two different counties in Ireland...

Where are you from Koneko?

seamus

ferdi wrote:

dont thiunk i didnt notice that you are calling me an immature sleazy weirdo!!!

i wouldnt put myself in any of those catagories....maybe weirdo.

Ha!
No, not at all. I'd say most foreign women are "curious" for Irish men. The accent also helps. I highlighted this guy because it's a particularly strange turnaround.

Spalk0

gimmick wrote:

As a Cork guy from the Southside of the City, I went out with a girl from the Northside, and ill tell you, NEVER, EEEVER cross the river.

Way too culturaly diverse.

Another dig at the Northsiders!

Bit lame!

koneko

Sleepy wrote:

Where are you from Koneko?

A little special place I like to call Dutchola-land

(Holland)