Winning Her Back

PullMyFinger! · 02-09-2004 3:19pm #1

Ok so Ive fcuked up badly.

I finished it with the GF recently as the arguments were getting too much and the stress levels were at boiling point. I could have got her back possibly if I hadnt start to sling mud with text messages that weren't very nice, but without going into detail there was a reason for my anger and she gave as good as she got.

Now I miss her so much its leaving me aching all over

Everything from leaving the country for a year to drinking myself into a stupor for a month has crossed my mind.

I need to win this girl back before I go insane.

A dozen red roses to her door for the next 2 weeeks came to mind.

MrNuked · 02-09-2004 3:23pm

give it a while to let things settle or it will all just get even worse.
Apologise for the messages first though.
Probably won't be able to from the way you say you feel, but let things settle or it will all get messed up even worse.

PullMyFinger! wrote:

Ok so Ive fcuked up badly.

I finished it with the GF trecently as the arguments were getting too much and the stress levels were at boiling point. I could have got her back possibly if I hadnt start to sling mud with text messages that weren't very nice, but without going into detail there was a reason for my anger and she gave as good as she got.

Now I miss her so much its leaving me aching all over

Everything from leaving the country for a year to drinking myself into a stupor for a month has crossed my mind.

I need to win this girl back before I go insane.

A dozen red roses to her door for the next 2 weeeks came to mind.

koneko · 02-09-2004 3:27pm

You broke up with her for a reason, think about that reason and weight up both options. You didn't break up with her because you were perfectly happy. The factor that made you break up, think about that. Is it still there, is it something you see becoming a problem, etc.

It hurts to break up with someone but don't make the mistake of getting back together because you're lonely or confused. You may end up getting back together and realising after a week or two that you made a mistake, breaking up will be even harder then. Take a lot of time by yourself to think, don't rush into anything.

bandraoi · 02-09-2004 3:29pm

You broke up with her for a reason, you decided when you were in the relationship you couldn't make it work. That was probably the right decision.

You've started the grieving process, you've already covered some of the ground, if you go back you'll only have to start all over again and it'll be more painful.
Apologise if you feel it's necessary but don't go back to her.

Distract yourself and keep your head busy, go away for a while (maybe not for a year), take up something new. Do loads of stuff so that you're too tired to think when you go to sleep.

If you still want her back in six weeks than reconsider but not yet.

climaxer · 02-09-2004 3:52pm

PullMyFinger! wrote:

Ok so Ive fcuked up badly.

I finished it with the GF recently as the arguments were getting too much and the stress levels were at boiling point. I could have got her back possibly if I hadnt start to sling mud with text messages that weren't very nice, but without going into detail there was a reason for my anger and she gave as good as she got.

Now I miss her so much its leaving me aching all over

Everything from leaving the country for a year to drinking myself into a stupor for a month has crossed my mind.

I need to win this girl back before I go insane.

A dozen red roses to her door for the next 2 weeeks came to mind.

I feel the same as you - split recently with my fiance because of the arguements and stress. Passionate couple with even more passionate arguements. We ended with a massive row and both of us said terrible things. The anger died down and then I just felt terrible. Its almost like when someone dies and you only remember the good things. Even though we had terrible arguements now I can only seem to focus on the good times. Its even harder for me as we have a son together and I have to see him every week. I think you should give yourself time though- the way I see it now is that my mind is telling me not to go back there, my heart is broken and aching to be with him and my body saying something else. I think for now though I will try go with my mind and take a breather from the relationship. I think you should do the same - just take a breather and see how you feel in a month or two. Best of luck and I now exactly how you feel.

PullMyFinger! · 02-09-2004 3:56pm

Break ups are sh*t arent they? They're the hardest thing anyone will have to go through in life if it was real love I think.

I keep dreaming about and thinking about her everytime a song that relates comes on the radio. Never thought Id go through this kinda pain again.

Is the low that follows really worth the high? Im starting to think monkhood would be easier

Nuttzz · 02-09-2004 4:28pm

time to ban text messaging!!!! Forget texting, talk to her, apologise if you need to, look to put it behind you

PullMyFinger! · 02-09-2004 5:51pm

Its almost like when someone dies and you only remember the good things

That sums it up perfectly. Why do we block out their bad traits?

Mad

PullMyFinger! · 03-09-2004 6:21am

I think for now though I will try go with my mind and take a breather from the relationship. I think you should do the same - just take a breather and see how you feel in a month or two

What happens if she meets someone in that month or two? The thoughts of her with anyone else is keeping me awake and sometimes making me physically ill.

U2's "With Or Without You" never made as much sense

Imposter · 03-09-2004 7:19am

PullMyFinger! wrote:

What happens if she meets someone in that month or two? The thoughts of her with anyone else is keeping me awake and sometimes making me physically ill.

U2's "With Or Without You" never made as much sense

What happens if you meet someone in that time?

Start enjoying being single again and try and forget about her. The longer you give it the more you realise why you broke up. You'll be seeing the bad as well as the good. If after a few months one of ye gets in touch with the other and you still have feelings for her then ok, try and make it work again.

If you feel the need to apologise for what was said, do so, but do it be phone or in person, not text.

PullMyFinger! · 04-09-2004 12:09pm

We've reached a text stalemate which is a shame. Im starting to look at other girls again but I think the man in me just wants to get laid to ease the pain.

She'll never be topped.

I just want to be at the end of a bottle of vodka or Jack Daniels right now

MrNuked · 04-09-2004 12:14pm

probably a bad idea.
you'll ring her if you do anyway.

PullMyFinger! · 05-09-2004 6:16am

I know someone who deleted the other half's number at times like this so they wouldnt be tempted to do any drunk text.

I was originally posting here for ideas to get her back, suggestions are welcome.

MrNuked · 05-09-2004 9:43am

"you can't force someone to love you. You can just stalk them until they give in"

Johnny Versace · 05-09-2004 1:19pm

i've been in your situation before.

forget about her and move on - in three months you'll be glad you got her out of your life, will realise she is so NOT worth it, and you'll be much happier.

It'll get easier everyday.

Sleepy · 06-09-2004 9:57am

Go out, get laid, get over her.

The best way to get over a woman is to get inside another one!

ravenhead · 06-09-2004 10:08am

If you really want her back then you need to talk to her, dont bother testing her give her a ring & ask her to meet you for a coffee or something

CathyMoran · 06-09-2004 11:21am

Have been in a similar situation myself - you did leave because you felt that there was no choice - give yourself some time to think things through, maybe even date someone casually, in a few months you will know if you want to get back - you could try and set a date now and see if you could talk things through then with no contact in the interim. It is a hard time, but you can also rediscover yourself. Stop beating yourself up about the past - it happened for a reason...best wishes.

climaxer · 06-09-2004 12:57pm

PullMyFinger! wrote:

What happens if she meets someone in that month or two? The thoughts of her with anyone else is keeping me awake and sometimes making me physically ill.

U2's "With Or Without You" never made as much sense

I know that feeling too - it turns my stomach to think of my ex with another person. If you really think its worth one more go just tell her exactly how you feel. I don't want to go back though as this would be the third time we've "tried again". We would split up, be angry, it dies down, we miss each other and get back together and things would be fantastic for a while BUT the reason you split in the first place will begin to surface again. Its a really tough situation to be in. Best of luck to you.

As for text messages when you have had a few drinks - I just don't bring my mobile with me when I go out!

climaxer · 06-09-2004 12:59pm

PullMyFinger! wrote:

I know someone who deleted the other half's number at times like this so they wouldnt be tempted to do any drunk text.

I was originally posting here for ideas to get her back, suggestions are welcome.

Sorry I missed this post. I know I've said this before on another thread but could you write down in a letter how you really fell - sounds really really corny but its worth a go. If you talk often you mightn't really listen to each other but if its a letter she can read over it again and again. Worth a go anyway.

shiv · 06-09-2004 7:40pm

i agree a letter might do the trick if it's what you really want..think girls are more susecptible to their charms for some reason..

be sure it's what you really want, though, and not the knee-jerk reaction to the feeling that you've lost a limb (which is what i always go through). sometimes we convince ourselves we need to stay in something or with someone because we simply cannot imagine life any other way, or lack the confidence in ourselves to do what's best for ourselves, so try and think through how you want it to be going fwd, and try and weigh the pro's and con's, as simple as that sounds..

aside from the letter, flowers aren't bad, and i agree meeting up in person is a more powerful form of persuasion..

WhiteWashMan · 09-09-2004 6:10pm

do you really want her back, or are you just lonely now you are on your own and want the comfort of being with someone.

the reason most couples stay together even though they are plainly not good for each other is because they are frightened to be alone.
or to admit it to themselves...

ykt0di9url7bc3 · 10-09-2004 1:30am

"I finished it with the GF recently as the arguments were getting too much and the stress levels were at boiling point. I could have got her back possibly if I hadnt start to sling mud with text messages that weren't very nice, but without going into detail there was a reason for my anger and she gave as good as she got."

well take her out to dinner (fast food, dont make it too bloody obvious) tell her its about finishing on a good note (good company for one last time)

see what happens

grasshopper · 10-09-2004 1:10pm

I think you should send her a letter - telling her that you can't stop thinking about her etc etc - best of luck

MarinoMark · 11-09-2004 12:18am

Dont E V E R send texts when you are drunk, Bad bad idea.When you send one press options again and "Save". Read what you sent last night ! I still cringe.................................................."A long story !

Penfolds · 11-09-2004 12:48am

You didn't say in the original post how long you went out with her, but I'm guessing from the strength of your feelings it must have been a while.
I broke up with the girlfriend about a month ago after nearly 2 years and I really thought she was the one (and I still do think I'll never meet anyone better) but the last 3 months or so things had gone down hill.
I sent an angry text or two after we finished and she responded with the same, then I didn't text or communicate with her for two weeks because I missed her so much.

Finally last week I decided to send her an e-mail summing up that I missed her, apologising and emphasising that I didn't see us being able to re-start the relationship at the moment (it might take a while to address the issues that lead to the break up) but saying that she was my best friend during those 2 years and I told her that I'd like to still be friends and told her I'd be at a coffee shop on sunday at 5 and hoped she could meet me.

She turned up and we talked and I realised she was feeling the same emotions I was (Your girlfriend is probably just as upset about the split as you are). It was hard seeing her again and not being able to kiss her or act on the emotions I still have, but I know there's no point fooling ourselves and jumping back into a relationship that had stopped working.

Anyway, maybe drop her an e-mail and explain that you'd like to be friends and think about what led to the break-up and is there any way you both could resolve those issues, and maybe bring this up if you meet her.

Best of luck, I feel for ya man !

P.S. Similar to what you said about "With or without you", everywhere I turn recently Damien Rice's bloody "cannonball" has been playing.

alane2000 · 13-09-2004 1:08pm

Hey Penfold,

Sorry to hear about that. Am in a similar situation to yerself at the moment.
Dyou mind me asking...

>>she was my best friend during those 2 years and I told her that I'd like to still be friends and told her I'd be at a coffee shop on sunday at 5 and hoped she could meet me.<<

Are you still holding out hope that you'll get back together or do you really want to just be friends?
The way I feel about my ex, I really want her back, and I'd love to ring her and ask her to meet me on a 'friends' basis but I know in my heart of hearts i'd b hoping for more than that and that by meeting her i could somehow get us back together. So Ihaven't tried to meet her yet, it's only been a few weeks tho.

Also, do you know how your ex feels about the whole thing?

Cheers mate
Alan.

Penfolds · 13-09-2004 6:13pm

Alan,
We met up and decided that while we'd still be friends, we needed a buit more of a cooling off period since the spilt so that it wouldn't seem like we were getting back together.
Ideally we both want to get back together, as we always thought we were "the one" for each other...but I know that this won't work until some of the things that lead to the spilt change.

If you think you can handle just being friends with your ex, then I'd say go for it and suggest it to her but if it's just gonna make you feel worse then that you're friends but not what you used to be then give it space. You have to be prepared for the fact that it's not going to lead to you getting back together...If it does then happy days, but if not then at least you won't have been hoping for something that didn't happen !

I suppose it really depends on what caused the break etc as to whether ye can stil be mates also.

CathyMoran · 13-09-2004 8:49pm

The idea of being friends can be a really good idea even if you don't get back, I can't say that it is the easiest, half the time I have found that you want the person back so much it hurts and it is harder to have other relationships with this incredibly strong friendship in the background but over time you can either resolve things or become friends. But it is tough, really tough. I would just give yourself a time limit on seeing if you might get back.

PullMyFinger! · 19-09-2004 12:46pm

Some really good thoughts in this thread but the best advice has come from girls who have simply told me to ignore her - and it seems to be working.

She's texting me alot more, telling me she misses me, asking me if Im with anyone else and generally giving me the impression that we both made a huge mistake.

But

she's not come right out with "do you want to give it another go" or "lets meet up for a drink" so I think she may be just trying to f*ck with my head or see if Im dating again, either way Im not taking her bullsh*t anymore.

Starting to feel a bit better, just hope I stay this strong mentally.

Penfolds: I was with her a year and I agree with ye on "Cannonball", at first I used it to dwell in things but now I have to switch the radio off when it comes on.

On a lighter note Im thinking of heading to Amsterdam for a weekend

Boggle · 20-09-2004 3:53pm

pullmyfinger wrote:

On a lighter note Im thinking of heading to Amsterdam for a weekend

Whoever gave you that idea is a frickin genius!!!!! Visit the banana bar, I hear its great in there!!!!!........

PullMyFinger! · 21-09-2004 4:57pm

Looks interesting

http://www.eatdrinketc.com/amsterdam/source/site_content_item.asp?item_id=995&channel_id=28

http://www.casarosso.com/info/bbar.phtml?

On a scarier note she wants to go for a drink now :eek:

Am slightly weary she just wants to fcuk with my head

PullMyFinger! · 23-09-2004 3:07am

Have come to the conclusion that drinks is a bad idea cos she just wanted to do it as friends.

Have I made the right call?

I miss her in loads of ways and am freaked at her just as much.

*sigh*

PullMyFinger! · 23-09-2004 11:07am

Any thoughts welcome

flygirl · 23-09-2004 11:24am

Hey,

I know it's hard but I think you just need to give it space for now and let things settle, I think you know that yourself give that you've decided it's not the best idea to meet up right now.

Give it another week or 2, try and avoid texting etc. as it just drags things out, then if you think you can meet up without it messing with your head too much then do it if it will help.

But as an earlier poster said, if you think she just wants to be friends then you can't go to meet with her with a 'getting back together' agenda or you'll just get hurt again.

The weekend to Amsterdam sounds like a great idea!

Good luck
flygirl.

PullMyFinger! · 23-09-2004 4:02pm

Hate to be a bloke but i think Im just horny. When I text her with my hormones in full flight it always comes out wrong.

Heartbroken but getting stonger, thanks all

PullMyFinger! · 22-10-2004 11:46am

Won her back (tip to any bloke trying to get an ex back: just ignore them!

)

Lost her again (my fault this time, alcohol, stress, a bad day and loads more led to a row which she cant see happens alot with couples that have love and passion there in the first place)

Not sure its meant to be anymore and thinking of going away for a year despite losing alot workwise and Im not sure Im the travelling on my own type.

Is the heartache that follows really worth the amazing times? Im starting to wonder

seamus · 22-10-2004 12:15pm

PullMyFinger! wrote:

Is the heartache that follows really worth the amazing times? Im starting to wonder

Watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" with Jim Carrey and Kate Winlset. I enjoyed it. You'll find it very apt to what you're feeling. The message in the movie might speak to you too.

PullMyFinger! · 22-10-2004 12:29pm

Without spoiling it will it make me feel better or even worse?

seamus · 22-10-2004 12:36pm

Neither I think (although while you're watching you may feel worse and better, up and down). I would think it may just give you an alternative perpsective.

PullMyFinger! · 22-10-2004 12:42pm

Cheers

Is Kate Winslet hot in it tho'?

seamus · 22-10-2004 12:47pm

Kate Winslet is always hot.

No nudity tho.

PullMyFinger! · 22-10-2004 12:51pm

seamus wrote:

Kate Winslet is always hot.

Agreed!

No nudity tho

Sh*te

WhiteWashMan · 22-10-2004 2:45pm

jesus,
get over it.
youre were only with her because you cant be arsed to go out and find someone new to fúck.

PullMyFinger! · 22-10-2004 5:47pm

How pathetic WhiteWashMan :rolleyes:

OfflerCrocGod · 22-10-2004 6:11pm

PullMyFinger! wrote:

How pathetic WhiteWashMan :rolleyes:

Ye! stop telling the truth WhiteWashMan!

ven0m · 22-10-2004 6:50pm

Txt messaging - purely evil, as it never conveys things properly - just like email - totally impersonal!!!!! I've done my fair share of mud sligning by txt in the past & had it flung at me too - taught me one thing; text msging, emailing or any technology whatsoever in a relationship is a BAD thing!!! Thank f**k my current g/f abhors technology - means it never comes up!!!

Back to the topic - I feel bad for you man, & yeah it's gonna feel sh*t for a while, & it does feel like a part of you died & you feel empty - but time does heal all wounds. I spent 2 yrs flying solo after my last relationship & it made me feel like I never wanted one ever again cos it was so bad & it ended even worse, but now I'm happier than I've ever been. You won't get over a relationship quickly - anyone who does shouldn't have been in one in the first place or else didn't really care.... take your time with it, let yourself heal, get it all out; have ur whinges, your whines, your pissed off moods over it - get it all out - & rmember; you have a rod, soon you will go fishing again

::: ven0mous :::

PullMyFinger! · 22-10-2004 7:28pm

Cheers Venom

And to the Moderators: certain members shouldnt be allowed access to the PI section :eek:

Gordon · 22-10-2004 7:46pm

Why? For bringing a thread off topic or for making their own assumptions about your situation and advising you with such assumptions in mind?

StupidLikeAFox · 22-10-2004 8:13pm

ven0m wrote:

Thank f**k my current g/f abhors technology - means it never comes up!!!

Not a very rampant sex life so?

(sorry, couldnt help myself)

ven0m · 22-10-2004 8:15pm

ColHol wrote:

Not a very rampant sex life so?

(sorry, couldnt help myself)

She prefers the real deal mate not some battery powered fake

but thank you for your concern - it is so touching these days in such an uncaring world ;-) LOL

::: ven0mous :::

Winning Her Back

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