Money in the context of a relationship

Lisapeep

My partner and I are going through a rough patch at the moment. Basically, I have more money than he does. So, when we're going out, we're usually limited in what we can do. I'm up for doing anything, but he usually prevents us from doing fun things because he doesn't have much money!

I really really don't want to break up with him over what seems like a trivial matter, but it's very frustrating at times the way we have to do EVERYTHING on the cheap when I can afford to have a good time! That said, I don't have enough money to pay for both of us so, he really is the limiting factor!

What should I do? It seems a pity that we could break up over money but I'm fed up missing out on doing fun things!

mike65

the way we have to do EVERYTHING on the cheap when I can afford to have a good time! That said, I don't have enough money to pay for both of us so, he really is the limiting factor!

Hmmmm, are you really ready for a meaningful relationship? Think solidarity.

Mike.

Teddi

i agree with mike....

even considering breaking up with him....is pretty low...(dont want to sound harsh)

but it is...

Amz

I agree with Mike and Teddi.

Perhaps I'm wrong but your attitude to this situation seems a bit immature.

I think you should break up with him... purely for his sake though as it seems he may be better off without you.

:rolleyes:

fragile

Lisapeep wrote:

I'm fed up missing out on doing fun things!

If you think that doing fun things requires spending lots of money then I think you are the problem, break up with him, he will be much happier without you, and you can have so much fun spending all your money..

Johnny Versace

If you have more money than he does yet cannot afford to pay for both of you (or at least help him out) it seems like you either -

1. Don't actually have much more money than he does

or

2. Are simply extremely cheap.

Loosen the string on your purse or change your attitude. Maybe he gives more to the relationship in other ways?

The Song Thrush

Johnny Versace wrote:

If you have more money than he does yet cannot afford to pay for both of you (or at least help him out) it seems like you either -

1. Don't actually have much more money than he does

or

2. Are simply extremely cheap.

Loosen the string on your purse or change your attitude. Maybe he gives more to the relationship in other ways?

I agree with Johnny. Don't be such a tight ass and pay for him if you have more money than him. Just because he's the male doesn't mean he's supposed to spend his money on you. It's the 21st century for fook's sake.
And if you want to end the relationship solely based on financial matters, then YOU don't deserve HIM.

Mutz

Right On boys!

Slutmonkey57b

How much does this "good time" cost and what does it involve?

Dinner for 2 - €60
Cinema - €30
Pub - €100 but you'd spend that on the beer anyway.

Or do you mean
Half a gram of Horse, a sheet of LSD, couple of e's, a bag of charlie and a good solicitor for the morning after?

If you can't afford a dinner you're not rolling in cash.

embee

You don't need bucketloads of cash to do fun things.

The cinema is a good bet, and is relatively cheap.

Also, if you have more money than him, how come ye only ever go out on what he can afford? Don't you ever just take the initiative to take him out? I am sure he doesn't enjoy the fact that compared to his girlfriend, he is pretty smashed broke. He would probably like to take you out to dinner, for a night out.. but can't.

And in fairness, if this to you is a valid reason for breaking up with someone, you must be a pretty shallow individual. Money is not the be all and end all.

Hagar

If your counting your money, leave him for the one you truly love.

Sleepy

For Christ's sake. So you've "Loads" of money but can't afford to pay for him too? Now, to be fair we don't know either of ye, and I know some guys can be weird having the girlfriend pay for them (hell, I'm one of them). That said, if you can afford to go out on the razz say twice a week, why not just go out the once and pay for both of you and then let him pay for the night on the cheap the other? It's called Compromise, I think you'll find most healthy relationships have a large degree of it.

pickarooney

I'm up for doing anything, but he usually prevents us from doing fun things because he doesn't have much money!

Do you mean here that the fact that he's broke prevents you from spending the money, or he himself refuses to let you spend the money you have? I think a lot of the harsher responses are based on understanding the former.
If you're serious about each other, he needs to get over the pride thing (easier said than done) and you have to get over the notion of 'my money' and 'his money'.

Zulu

And once again, Zulu sings:

girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

ravenhead

Zulu wrote:

And once again, Zulu sings:

girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

& It's because of girls like this that you guys that the above is true - we're not all like this you know!

pretty-in-pink

but cars and money wont treat u badly r laugh at u r call u fat r stupid r cheat on u. love bites especialy ywhen its in a bad patch. have some free love, go out with the girls, be celebite, become so hot u could die and the see how much more popular u r with guys. guys r worse then girls,

but im just a newly cynical soul, i used to believe in fairy tales. this is the real world, things suck , we have kids, we die, they die, end of circle.

romance is but a passing illusion

ravenhead

naughty_girl wrote:

but cars and money wont treat u badly r laugh at u r call u fat r stupid r cheat on u. love bites especialy ywhen its in a bad patch. have some free love, go out with the girls, be celebite, become so hot u could die and the see how much more popular u r with guys. guys r worse then girls,

but im just a newly cynical soul, i used to believe in fairy tales. this is the real world, things suck , we have kids, we die, they die, end of circle.

romance is but a passing illusion

Way too deep for a monday afternoon naughty_girl!!

Sleepy

naughty_girl wrote:

but cars and money wont treat u badly r laugh at u r call u fat r stupid r cheat on u. love bites especialy ywhen its in a bad patch. have some free love, go out with the girls, be celebite, become so hot u could die and the see how much more popular u r with guys. guys r worse then girls,

but im just a newly cynical soul, i used to believe in fairy tales. this is the real world, things suck , we have kids, we die, they die, end of circle.

romance is but a passing illusion

...created by a lack of alcohol.

ven0m

Lisapeep wrote:

My partner and I are going through a rough patch at the moment. Basically, I have more money than he does. So, when we're going out, we're usually limited in what we can do. I'm up for doing anything, but he usually prevents us from doing fun things because he doesn't have much money!

I really really don't want to break up with him over what seems like a trivial matter, but it's very frustrating at times the way we have to do EVERYTHING on the cheap when I can afford to have a good time! That said, I don't have enough money to pay for both of us so, he really is the limiting factor!

What should I do? It seems a pity that we could break up over money but I'm fed up missing out on doing fun things!

What the heck happened to lovin a dude with a bus-pass..... breaking up with him would just show you to be shallow & to be honest, just typify alot of Irish women today - who when I look around at my mates & their women & others - constantly on the make & money [lack of it in some cases] is the prevailing issue ..... why is it you never hear of guys leaving women who hit hard times money wise yet women will nearly always hit the road when a dude hits hard times money wise..... funny that..

I know two of my previous girlfriends were 'financially obsessed' & when I was shut of them it was like having a noose removed from around my neck..... not to mention had alot more money to go do things I wanted to do

::: ven0mous :::

ferdi

Taken from TLCs 'Scrubs'

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty that you don’t show love
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (yea yea yea yea...)
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

that song destroyed poor guys chances everywhere, every girl now requies a guy with his own house, car with plenty of ready money - i'm 19 for gods sake!!!

Cabaal

ferdi wrote:

Taken from TLCs 'Scrubs'

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty that you don’t show love
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (yea yea yea yea...)
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

that song destroyed poor guys chances everywhere, every girl now requies a guy with his own house, car with plenty of ready money - i'm 19 for gods sake!!!

I wouldn't read to much into that tbh,
There are plenty of women out there (my gf included) that always want to pay there way even when you will offer to pay for cinema or whatever
We're nearly had fights because she wouldn't allow me to pay for cinema for both of us

Lainey

i'm presuming if you earn more than him then you pay halves ALL THE TIME.. and being together certainly does not involve money.. some of my most fun times were with a boyf, a video and a takeaway..

Zulu wrote:

And once again, Zulu sings:

girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

thats a crap statement or lyric.. most girls i know have their own cars and their own money so why would they want a mans.. ???

steviec

Lainey wrote:

thats a crap statement or lyric.. most girls i know have their own cars and their own money so why would they want a mans.. ???

Isn't that just proving the Lyric right? The only thing you thought about when replying to it is that you've got your own car and your own money. The lyric isn't saying that you can't get them yourself, it's saying they're what matter to you.

b3t4

steviec wrote:

The lyric isn't saying that you can't get them yourself, it's saying they're what matter to you.

Because guys really don't want money and a car. Note the sarcasm.

In relationships, money wise it should be a case of 50/50.

Many a time I've heard someone complaining about how much money their ex partner owes them. Just don't give them the money in the first place.

Financial independence is for both sides not just one. Relationships break down all the time even in marriage.

It's her money she is free to do with it as she pleases. She more than likely earned it, I'm sure it didn't fall off the money tree.

A.

Sleepy

It's a sad fact lads but unfortunately we've nothing but our own sex to blame. Irish men have always been very fond of Daddy's little girl, the country gets a bit of money, Daddy becomes a walking pass machine for his little Darling. Daughter gets used to being pampered and spoiled, learns to expect this of any potential mate (as, given Freudian theory she's looking for a man like her father, not entirely true but definitely some truth in it).

Add to that the attitude of those members of Gen X that made it big during the boom, and felt that their money gave them purpose in life, substituting for their personalities. These guys start believing their own hype and start spouting nonsense like "It's all about the Benjamins, doncha know?". Somehow, their female equivalents (who are pretty damn successful themselves) start to think the same way. These soul-less muppets are then held up to following generations as aspirational figures and the circle continues.

What this country needs, if you ask me, is a damn good recession to remind people who we are (were?) as a nation (or is it already too late?).

Zulu

If money didn't add to the attractiveness of a man...
How come people don't date below their social class???

In a majority, people dating, strive to find a partner in a social class equal or above there own. The only exception being when trying to rebel against mummy and daddy in the teens.

It's a natural instinct that women look for a provider when looking for a mate. In today's society a provider equates to money. Men on the other hand instinctively look for health and youth in order to provide healthy children. This is a natural, basic instinct, which doesn't always apply - as most have control over their basic urges - but is undeniably there when people make choices.

Hence the aptness, and I repeat "girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money". This can be translated to a more palatable "girls don't like boys, girls like security and the potential of a successful future".

babyhack

rent a DVD €4.50
take-away for 2 €9.00
2 cups of tea €0.50c
lying on sofa/bed together not saying a word............. Priceless

why does everything have to come down to money

toxic_angel

dump him girl... i mean he cant pay for u. men must always pay for everything.... if they cant pay for you then hes not worth u .............

hahahahahahaha and now back to reality shallow person.


i hate it when my dates try to pay for everything its equal i have had argumnents with my last boyfriend cos he always wanted to pay for my drinks...... in the end to keep him happy and me i'd pay for every third round between me and him.... he still felt macho paying the bigger share i felt i had some bit of independance paying a bit of my way.... granted he has a job and i didnt...

money isnt everything in a relationship... it makes going out a bit more fun but if its love then whether your doing summit fun and expensive or fun and cheap, the cost shouldnt matter as long as yer ding it together.....

sniff im getting all emotional now.

your bf sounds like a nice guy trying to pay shows he cares.... hope he finds some one who deserves him......(ps i dont think thats u)

oh and how long have ye been together? cos if its a long time and u wanna dump him cos of his pay cheque after this long time then thats just plain rotten.

cruiserweight

Cabaal wrote:

I wouldn't read to much into that tbh,
There are plenty of women out there (my gf included) that always want to pay there way even when you will offer to pay for cinema or whatever
We're nearly had fights because she wouldn't allow me to pay for cinema for both of us

My gf is the same, we normally fight over who will pay and split stuff fifty fifty most of the time. I used to make more money than her, but she still insisted on paying fifty fifty. I changed jobs about 10 months ago and took a hefty pay cut(better career prospects in the long term) and now she earns more than me, but we still pay equally. Although she does have expensive tastes in handbags,shoes etc., so christmas shopping etc is done in Brown Thomas, but whatever I spend I know will also be spent on me!

Also who says you have to do evrything together, we both have loads of other friends outside our relationship with whom we can go out drinking, for a meal, to the cinema etc.

BaZmO*

Well as seen as we’re all quoting from songs, here’s a quote from an Alicia Keys’ song that I heard the other day.

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Nice sentiment, but in the “real” world it doesn’t happen like that. People always tend to forget that in the “real” world there are two types of love, Unconditional and Conditional. The former being the love that a Mother or a Father has for a child and the latter being the love between a couple. As romantic as we all like to think we are, it is inevitable that we all apply conditions to our relationships with our significant others.
Now, these conditions take on many shapes and forms and one of the prevalent forms tends to be security, either emotional or financial.

“Lisapeep” in your post you said that you and your partner are going through a rough patch at the moment. Is this rough patch a direct result of you boyfriend not being on the same financial standing as yourself? If so, is it a recent thing, or was this always the case? When you got together were you earning more and thought that he’d catch up? Or is it a case that you were on a level pegging and he’s just going through a bad patch? If his lack of money is a recent thing, surely you should give him a little time to sort himself out, after all, relationships are about loving and supporting each other.
On the other hand, if it’s a case that your boyfriend is just lazy and not arsed to “better himself” for want of a better expression, or if he is happy with his lot, well then it’s up to you to decide whether you are willing to accept this.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how you’re feeling?

A lot of people have attacked Lisapeep and said that she is shallow for not bank rolling her boyfriend, but if this is happening all the time how long should she accept it? Fair enough if it’s just a recent thing and he’s down on his luck but if it has always been like this, well then as I’ve stated earlier on, love can be a conditional thing and maybe one of Lisapeeps’ conditions is that her boyfriend and herself should be on a level pegging financially. Either way I think you need to speak to him.

Good Luck,

B.

lisa.c

get a life girl. how could you even contemplate leaving a guy cause he has less money than you and by the sounds of things you dont actually have much more than him. money dosent buy happiness it may help bring it to our door but money soon goes where as people are forever. isnt being with your partner fun enough for you if he's not then leave him......he'd be much better off with people in the same class as him with limited funds and that wouldnt you agree!!!!!

Zulu

BaZmO* wrote:

A lot of people have attacked Lisapeep and said that she is shallow for not bank rolling her boyfriend, but if this is happening all the time how long should she accept it?

I think she is being attacked not because she's "bank rolling" her boyfriend, but because he hasn't as much money as her.

BaZmO*

Yeah but as she's said herself, her boyfriend is stopping them from doing "fun" (bad use of words there methinks!!) things because he hasn't got the funds to do so. Now as I've said, if his lack of dosh is just a recent thing I think she might be being a wee bit unfair, however, if this is an ongoing thing, what is she supposed to do? Sit in and watch the tv drinking tea all the time?? I know I wouldn't!!

B.

whosurpaddy

babyhack wrote:

take-away for 2 €9.00
2 cups of tea €0.50cy

where do you shop

to original poster. dump him. he cant afford to go out with you. simple(shallow) as that.

The Song Thrush

toxic_angel wrote:

i hate it when my dates try to pay for everything its equal i have had argumnents with my last boyfriend cos he always wanted to pay for my drinks......

lol... reminds of that Father Ted episode where Mrs. Doyle and friend are arguing over who'll pay....

"No, I'll pay for the tea!! Put that purse away!!!"

SheroN

Aww they say uhh..
.. a black man is a pimp
Well let me tell you the biggest pimp
on planet mother****in Earth, is her momma
It's her MOMMA that told her,
"Get a man that got a good job gurl!
Make sure he got a good car gurl!
Make sure he can take you out and buy you somethin gurl!"
What happened to just fallin in love with a nigga with a bus pass --
-- just cause you love the nigga?
But I'm the pimp mother****er!
I gotta be the player!

Dr. Dre speaketh the truth :rolleyes:

Lisapeep

Thanks Bazmo - I think you're the only one here who actually understood what I meant! You've all told me several times how cheap renting a DVD and a take-away is, but you can't do that every time you want to do something together! It's not a recent situation, it has been going on for a very long time and it can make the relationship seem stuck in a rut when you're stuck inside watching DVDs the whole time. Variety is the spice of life as they say!

I'm not a shallow person. I know this because I have supported him and accepted, for a long time, that he has little money. I am just saying that it can be frustrating sometimes! I dont think I'm so bad for saying that!

Zulu

So go for a walk.
Play a board game.
Go out to a pub and don't drink.
Go to the teather.
Go to a museam.
Visit to a cultural spot.
Go to a aritectural land mark.
Feed ducks in the park...

...Good christ - if you like the person, you like them - not there economic value.

JohnnyBravo

Its the affliction of the mtv generation

Zulu

JohnnyBravo wrote:

Its the affliction of the mtv generation

At 30 years old, she should know better.

Lisapeep

Who said I was 30??

Zulu

Lisapeep wrote:

Who said I was 30??

My sincerest apologies Lisapeep - somehow I got the impression you were 30!

How old are you by the way? (I understand it a bit of a personal question so you can give an age band if you wish)

Fair Enough

Ok. I kind of understand where you're coming from. When I met my boyfriend, he was Unemployed (and not on social welfare) and I wasn't earning much but we managed.

It can be hard but if you care about him at all, you'll help him. We couldn't afford to go out much so I'd spend on what we needed and save the rest to take us both out.
If he's too proud to have you take him out, let him know you understand this and give him the money so he feels like he's taking you out (They're usually just worried that they're friends will notice you paying for everything). It worked for me and now the tables have turned. He's earning more than me.

I do think it's pretty harsh you thinking of dumping him over money issues though.

People like you confuse me.

We fought for equal rights.
We got them.
We don't really want them.
Why did We bother???

Lisapeep

How is it unreasonable of me to think these things? If I'm not having fun, then I think it's fair enough!

ven0m

It's unreasonable because MONEY is not the be-all & end-all, nor is going out or the rest of the eqwually unimportant stuff. If you 'love' someone none of it should matter a damn.....LOVE IS FREE, doesn't cost nada or need nada.....

I will say one thing though, if you're going to dump him - don't dick around & let it get to the point where you lose the plot & go off on a major ranthathon & let it get uber messy....and then you can join the rest of the shallow people at the Shallomar Bar drinking your shallow-glass drinks while admiring each other's varying states of shallow.... TTFN...

that is all..


::: ven0mous :::

Lisapeep

So having fun isn't important? Having an interesting life isn't important? Enjoying yourself isn't important?

ven0m

No - enjoying yourself is called masterbation......hehehehe

seriously, relationships while having give & take, they should always be enjoyable - I just do not see how "money" always has to come into the equation where women are concerned as rarely do men bring it up as a sticking block or a major concern......

Bottom line really is if you don't love this guy & money or having it means more to you then you know what you gotta do..... & you're the one who has to live with the consequences when all the posting on this topic is done & dusted..... time to flip the coin methinks woman


::: ven0mous :::

Typedef

One night stand with a slapper : Few pints + Taxi home.

Amount of money needed to be thread-starter's fella : unspecified.

Look on her face when you shag her sister : Priceless.

For some things in life there's master card.

For everything else there's a quickey with her sister.

Typedef

Lisapeep wrote:

So having fun isn't important? Having an interesting life isn't important? Enjoying yourself isn't important?

Get down off of that righteously indignant horse there Lisa.

You could quite easily 'pay' for your boyfriend to go out with you.

You choose not to do that.

I suggest you go and frequent some of the seamier Winebars around the city for an older gentleman, who'll have sufficent financial resources to satisfy your financial criteria.

I suspect if your boyfriend had more money then you, but, expected you to pay your way, as you do with him, you'd be up on your high horse about how he 'never takes me anywhere'...

You should just get yourself a rich old man... oh and on a general point of Netiquette, it's considered demeaning to whoever is doing it, when you don't reply to other people's posts and instead keep posting the same thing, no matter what they say.

Poster 1: "What's your name"
You: "Can't I have fun"

Poster 2: "Why is money so important to you"
You:"I'm being oppressed my man should pay for me... Why can't I have fun"

You get the idea.

ven0m

Typedef wrote:

One night stand with a slapper : Few pints + Taxi home.

Amount of money needed to be thread-starter's fella : unspecified.

Look on her face when you shag her sister : Priceless.

For some things in life there's master card.

For everything else there's a quickey with her sister.

Typedef...... The Man ... The Legend ... we are NOT worthy!!!!!

[ ***swearing allegiance to the republic of typedef ***# ]


::: ven0mous :::

Typedef

Pope wave :