Drunk girl problem

pigeonbutler

Well here´s a kinda awkward one: On holidays in canaries with the parents, which kinda sucks if like me you just finished the leaving cert and all your mates are off on their own holidays. Anyway a few nights into it, was in a posh hotel for a drink after our meal and a girl the same age as myself, also on holidays with her parents, started talking to my younger sister (both of them being bored to tears). The three of us decided to head out to the lively bars of the resort and away we went. Now because of some confusion involving the key of our apartment there was long periods here and there when I wasn´t with the two girls. At one stage when I arrived back the girl we´d met had become polluted drunk as she doesn´t drink much at home and had been drink champagne and feckin huge measures of vodka.

Now I´ll reverse a bit, at the start of the night when the girl was sober I had a good chat with her and we got on well and she was smart and attractive but going back to when she got drunk, we sat her down in a quieter bar and got some water for her. She was a very polite drunk and kept apologising to me for the state she was in and starting getting a little touchy-feely with me. When the water was drank I started walking her home and had to hold her up because she was starting to have difficulty standing. As we were walking she kept telling me she was sorry and kissed me on the cheek a few times then just stoppped and asked to kiss me, I summoned all my will-power and said "No, you´re too drunk, I will when you´re sober" and tried to continue steering her back towards her hotel. She got really persistent and kinda insisted on kissing me before she´d keep walking. I gave into temptation and let her a few times before managing to get a taxi because she was getting too difficult to walk with. In the taxi she jumped on me again and that stage I kinda said "F*ck it!" and kissed her a bit for the duration before walking her to her hotel door and saying goodnight.

Anyway two days later I bumped into the girl again and had a chat with her. It turned out she couldn´t remember a thing about the night, how she´d gotten home or anything like that, and was very embarrassed about how drunk she was. She asked me if she´d done anything stupid, to which I said "nothing too bad" and suggested she sit down so I could tell her, but she just said "actually, don´t tell me!"

Well I ended up going from feeling like a really stong-willed gentleman after leaving her home to feeling like a sleazy prick when it turned out she couldn´t remember anything. Anyway she has since gone home but it doesn´t really end there because it looks like we´ll both be going to the same faculty in the same university in just a few weeks time so I´m going to run into her again. Question is do I tell her what happened or forget about it completely?

Sorry about the length but I like to be really thorough.

Teddi

hey pige,

i think you should tell her but be TACKFUL!

go on saying how much of a great time you guys had....having a laugh etc...

you walking her home..and make sure you say the kiss part asa

'oh yea....and you asked me to kiss ya'.....and say it last...if you go off saying about the kiss too soon into the conversation...it will sound like your only talking with her coz you want to snog her...

tell her..but be cautious.....go for it

elvis2002

i dont understand what the problem is.. you gave her a kiss.. so what.. ?.. Kisses dont harm anybody... You didn't ride her or anything....

OfflerCrocGod

pigeonbutler wrote:

I summoned all my will-power and said "No, you´re too drunk, I will when you´re sober"

You are a stronger man then me pigeonbutler

OfflerCrocGod

Are all the posts now being moderated??? :eek: My post is not appering

Gordon

(Temporary glitch/failsafe occurance. Please bear with us.)

Agent Smith

pigeonbutler,

you should be proud, your more a man then a lot of people out there,

fair play

NocturnalDonkey

She probably does remember what happened that night. She just doesn't want things to get awkward, by letting you tell her what she did. (or admitting that she remembered what happened)

yossarin

I'm having to resist the urge to answer "Typedef her sister" to all PI posts these days.

She probably does remember, *and* you've both set yourselves up to possibly get together in college quite nicely.

Its not a big deal - its not like you had sex with her, in a church, without a condom. Tell her at some point if it occours to you, but do it in a light hearted way so as to spare her any embarrassment.

pigeonbutler

Cheers folks, I guess Teddi´s reply makes the most sense. I know it´s only a kiss but her being so drunk she couldn´t remember it still makes me feel like a bit of a bollocks.

Saint

Forget about it, if you act weird, or avoid her, or try to talk to her in three weeks time about it, it will just be as if more happened then actually did. She will definitly think you did something to her, and the whole not remembering thing was most likely a cop out. I know none of this helps with the guilt. I was in a very similiar situation except the girl got me plastered, invited herself back to my head, and my bed, and I felt riddled with guilt about sleeping with her, because I didn't have feelings for her. Guilt is a biatch.

LegacyUser

Why is everyone calling this guy a gentleman? He is clearly anything but. How could you possibly kiss a girl who you had to physically carry? Am I the only one who thinks this is not only really sleazy but weird, girls being that drunk are the biggest turn off to me, but then again I don't like it when girls come on too strong.

About the kissing thing, I'd just forget about it, let her keep some of her dignity about the night, not because she'll be embarrassed about kissing you but the way it happened. Imo the only reason you want to tell her is to get with her again, I think you should just leave it and hope she really does like you, because if she does, it will happen naturally in college.

Beruthiel

gah wrote:

Why is everyone calling this guy a gentleman?

because he is
there is many a scumbag out there who would have taken total advantage of a situation like this, I hear about crap like that all the time
he didn't and he has nothing to feel guilty about.

BuffyBot

he didn't and he has nothing to feel guilty about.

Indeed - original poster..I think you managed yourself quite well there. Just forget it and move on from there

Mutant_Fruit

he didn't and he has nothing to feel guilty about.

Well, he didnt take her back to his house, and take advantage of the situation. I've heard friends of friends boasting about how they got so drunk, and brought a girl home and slept with her. I just think "dirtbag" when i hear that. It reminds me of malcolm in the middle. He was in a situation where he could have done the business with a drunken girl, but chose the right option, like the origional poster.

If i were you, i'd try to decide whether the girl liked you or not. If you think she does, invite her out again, to a local snooker hall, or bowling. Then see what happens. Bring a few friends if you're nervous.

Its quite possible she does like ya, and considaring you will be seeing her again, why not try and see how much she likes ya.

Teddi

Gah..

you muppet..re-read the thread....he DIDNT kiss her.....doh :rolleyes:

Gordon

I don't understand, Teddi:
1) Why are you calling someone a muppet &
2) Pigeonbutler did kiss the girl

mayordenis

gah wrote:

Why is everyone calling this guy a gentleman? He is clearly anything but. How could you possibly kiss a girl who you had to physically carry? Am I the only one who thinks this is not only really sleazy but weird, girls being that drunk are the biggest turn off to me, but then again I don't like it when girls come on too strong.

i swear to god hes obviously a good guy, ever had a drunk girl who's decided on a course of action there is nothing to be done.

jesus_thats_gre

This is a non issue..

A girl threw herself and you and you have easily taken advantage of it completely. You did not though...

:mad:

LegacyUser

Look people, he DID kiss her, that means he is not a gentlemen but then again he isn't a dirtbag who slept with her. I'm not saying the poster isn't a genuinely nice guy, in fact, I believe he is but in my opinion, kissing a girl that drunk is not a gentlemanly thing to do. Being only 19, I hardly think it is my age that is giving me this 'distorted' view on chivilary...

The Corinthian

pigeonbutler wrote:

Anyway two days later I bumped into the girl again and had a chat with her. It turned out she couldn´t remember a thing about the night, how she´d gotten home or anything like that, and was very embarrassed about how drunk she was. She asked me if she´d done anything stupid, to which I said "nothing too bad" and suggested she sit down so I could tell her, but she just said "actually, don´t tell me!"

A tenner says she remembers, but would prefer to maintain the official line of “alcohol made me do it”.

Beruthiel wrote:

there is many a scumbag out there who would have taken total advantage of a situation like this

/me raises his hand enthusiastically

gah wrote:

Look people, he DID kiss her, that means he is not a gentlemen but then again he isn't a dirtbag who slept with her. I'm not saying the poster isn't a genuinely nice guy, in fact, I believe he is but in my opinion, kissing a girl that drunk is not a gentlemanly thing to do. Being only 19, I hardly think it is my age that is giving me this 'distorted' view on chivilary...

You have a very unrealistic view of chivalry. The gentleman who would not even kiss her in that sort of situation has only ever been found in Doris Day and Rock Hudson movies (and no prizes why he wasn’t looking to get the leg over).

In reality he was a gentleman - a kiss is, after all, is a harmless thing - something you’ll realize after you lose your cherry, gah.

Typedef

I think you should take her out again.

Only this time "don't leave" her to get drunk on her own.

That way, when she makes a pass at you in her drunken state, you should be sufficiently inebriated enough to have the sense to shag her on the spot.

Enough said really.

LegacyUser

The Corinthian wrote:

You have a very unrealistic view of chivalry. The gentleman who would not even kiss her in that sort of situation has only ever been found in Doris Day and Rock Hudson movies (and no prizes why he wasn’t looking to get the leg over).

In reality he was a gentleman - a kiss is, after all, is a harmless thing - something you’ll realize after you lose your cherry, gah.

Wait a second.....did I just get insulted by The Corinthian? Called a virgin no less, well I've been throughly put in my place.

How exactly do I have an unrealistic view of chivalry? Chivalry would not be taking advantage of a drunk girl in any way, just bringing her home. Just because this guy didnt take total advantage of the situtaion doesnt make him a gentleman.
I don't care if people are chivalrous or not, hell, no one always is or ever is sometimes for that matter. The fact I personally wouldn't kissed her would be more due to the fact, girls that drunk and that come on that strong is a turn off for me.

I'd agree with you on the fact that she probably remembers it though

Bottle_of_Smoke

Not to sound insane but maybe sometime if there's a college night out you should try talk to her when she's really drunk (wait I have a point)

From your description she really reminds me of someone I know, the type that gets drunk and only then really reveals a lot of things, then has the "I cant remember" excuse because she embarrasses easily.

Ask her about this when shes really drunk (well get a decent conversation going first) at least you'll know for yourself then.

You like her ? cant tell if you're worried about awkwardness or wanna ask her out again

The Corinthian

gah wrote:

Wait a second.....did I just get insulted by The Corinthian? Called a virgin no less, well I've been throughly put in my place.

No you’re in the same place as before. I wasn’t wrong either, I suspect.

How exactly do I have an unrealistic view of chivalry? Chivalry would not be taking advantage of a drunk girl in any way, just bringing her home.

By the same logic a happy marriage would be one where both parties are blissfully in love and live happily ever after. As I said; unrealistic.

Just because this guy didnt take total advantage of the situtaion doesnt make him a gentleman.

No. I have no knowledge of his background and education so I can’t comment of whether he is a gentleman or not. However, credit where credit is due, he displayed chivalrous behaviour, and so on that occasion acted as one.

I'd agree with you on the fact that she probably remembers it though

If we introduced prohibition, I suspect that the Irish as a race would be extinct within a century.

Kell

gah wrote:

Chivalry would not be taking advantage of a drunk girl in any way, just bringing her home. Just because this guy didnt take total advantage of the situtaion doesnt make him a gentleman.

Yawn. What the fúck is the big fúckin deal over a drunk snog? Sorry, excusing peoples behaviour i.e. the femme involved because she was twatted, doesnt cut the mustard with me. Alchohal removes inhibitions, and therefore she more than likely wanted his cock.

He was just too dumb to give it to her.

K-

LegacyUser

Would it make any difference if I was TC?

Anyway, Kell I agree on the drunken song thing but he said he had to carry her physically, which in my opinion is just a little bit too drunk for me.

LegacyUser

Hmm cant edit these posts anyway. I guess you and me TC must differ on the simple fact that I dont have to take every passed out girl who comes my way, beggars cant be choosers, eh?

(that will show you!)

The Corinthian

gah wrote:

Would it make any difference if I was TC?

Yes, it would. Getting a snog from some girl in a disco or nightclub loses much of its charm when you realize that it’s only the tip of the iceberg. A kiss is only a big deal, after all, when it’s as far as you’ve ever gone before.

I guess you and me TC must differ on the simple fact that I don’t have to take every passed out girl who comes my way, beggars cant be choosers, eh?

Nice try kid but no cigar. Feel free to have another go at me when your balls drop.

Sleepy

Don't bring up the subject with her, she does remember it but is just too embaressed to admit to it (been there done that myself in different circumstances). Meet up with her in college, take the initiative yourself this time (while she's still sober) and you'll find you've a girlfriend within your first few months of college...

Gordon

gah and TC please keep it civil.

LegacyUser

Yes I really do cherish those precious kisses, must keep myself for marraige!

malico

IMO, people usually do remember it, as in it comes back to them. I know I do, and I have to say sometimes they just pretend not to remember so they won;t be embaressed about what, on in some cases, who, they've done....


My 2 cents

Chada

wow, alrite man slow down as it's been said before, alcohol makes you lose your inhibitions. Therefore, she probably did fancy you when you were chatting to her earlier on when she was sober. Plus she is maybe a little shy that she made a fool out of herself and that you didnt really like her you were just giving her a quick snog to shut her up. Hence my theory is she probably does like you but is quite shy on the whole uptake. You will see her soon in uni and play it cool, act as nothing did happen and take it from there. by the way, when you get to uni, you will notice a cascade of endless beautiful women and thus may decide not to persue the aforementioned girl in question. AND finally, yes what you did was gentlemanly, I know many a man who would have tried every trick in the book to get a shag at the end of a night, nevermind her coming onto you. Nuff said. Good luck, have fun!

nesthead

the fact that you didnt take advantage of her, and that you feel guilty (i dont know why.....) and want advice/discuss this "problem" instantly conveys that youre a good man.

she obviously fancies you in one way or another, and you are incredibley lucky to be meeting her again in a few weeks. dont waste an amazing opportunity.

Zombrex

The Corinthian wrote:

In reality he was a gentleman - a kiss is, after all, is a harmless thing - something you’ll realize after you lose your cherry, gah.

I think it is a pretty sad day for mankind when the definition of a gentleman is someone who wouldn't rape a drunken girl.

Now I think this guy did nothing really wrong, but he acted in a pretty standard way. She was drunk and tried to kiss him, and he kissed her back, knowing she was drunk. Nothing very wrong with that, but holding him up as someone who acted in a honourable and gentlemanly way is ridiculous.

He has nothing to lose sleep about, and I would be the first to say "don't worry about it" But to those who say he acted in an honourable way, are we really patting this guy on the back, saying well done, because he didn't make sexual advances on an obviously very drunk girl? Is that what you would have expected the standard responce to be?

If his actions were of a high standard, then what would the norm be? Having a sister going on holiday in a few weeks, that is a very scary thought.

chill

pigeonbutler wrote:

Question is do I tell her what happened or forget about it completely?

Answer: She probably does remember but is embarrassed. Either way it doesn;t matter. You DON'T tell her.
You act as if it never hapened and just get on with your life and whatever happens with her or not. It is really irrelevent if you think about it. If she likes you and you like her you can have a relationship. If not, you won't. Don;t complicate things with irrelevant stuff. Sh1t happens, it what you do afterward that matters.

Sleepy

No we're giving him credit for the fact that he tried to tell her to wait until she was sober. Wicknight, you're obviously pretty inexperienced if you don't know how difficult it can be to get a drunken woman off you. I know I've ended up in positions where there's been feck all choice but to give the girl a quick kiss back and try and back out from there... quit adding to the guys misguided guilt.

The Corinthian

Wicknight wrote:

I think it is a pretty sad day for mankind when the definition of a gentleman is someone who wouldn't rape a drunken girl.

The vast majority of sex in Ireland must be rape then by your definition :rolleyes:

I think it is a pretty sad day for mankind when we are reduced to being two-dimensional metrosexuals. Madonna, some people have issues...

Zombrex

Sleepy wrote:

Wicknight, you're obviously pretty inexperienced if you don't know how difficult it can be to get a drunken woman off you.

Oh please ... if you had a drunk gay guy coming on to you would you give the guy a kiss back? I think not

Zombrex

The Corinthian wrote:

The vast majority of sex in Ireland must be rape then by your definition :rolleyes:

Well I would hope the vast majority of sex in Ireland the girl is able to give concent. If not then I guess we have a problem. But then again they say only 5 percent of rapes are reported

Zombrex

The Corinthian wrote:

The vast majority of sex in Ireland must be rape then by your definition :rolleyes:

Well I would hope the vast majority of sex in Ireland the girl is able to give consent. If not then I guess we have a problem. But then again they say only 5 percent of rapes are reported

Beruthiel

keep it on topic please
B

The Corinthian

Wicknight wrote:

Oh please ... if you had a drunk gay guy coming on to you would you give the guy a kiss back? I think not

But, if the worst comes to the worst, you can punch him; you can’t really punch a woman though, can you?

Well I would hope the vast majority of sex in Ireland the girl is able to give concent.

To be honest, someone who is so drunk as to be unconscious cannot give consent, but we’re hardly talking about that, are we? If we’re talking about so drunk that they do something that they would not do while sober, then that’s hardly the same thing, is it?

If not then I guess we have a problem. But then again they say only 5 percent of rapes are reported

I’m sure they say a lot of things :rolleyes:

pigeonbutler

Wicknight, I'm not trying to speak for all the straight men out there but the answer to a drunk gay guy coming onto you and not taking no for an answer is giving him a punch to the face!
That's obviously not an option when dealing with a drunk girl.

Sleepy

Wicknight wrote:

Oh please ... if you had a drunk gay guy coming on to you would you give the guy a kiss back? I think not

Well, tbh, I've always found that any gay guys that have hit on me have taken a "I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I don't swing that way" extremely well (better than a lot of girls tbh).

That said it's an entirely different situation. If a girl I'm attracted to isn't taking no for an answer when she's drunk4, I'll probably kiss her (but that would be it). It's as much to spare her blushes the next morning tbh. In fact, I reckon it could be argued that the more chivalrous thing to do is kiss her back (not to eat the face off her but simply to kiss her) as that way she won't be as embaressed in the morning. Plus it leaves you in rather a good position to call her, which is always a good place to be with someone you fancy.

Zombrex

pigeonbutler wrote:

That's obviously not an option when dealing with a drunk girl.

Sleepy wrote:

That said it's an entirely different situation. If a girl I'm attracted to isn't taking no for an answer when she's drunk4, I'll probably kiss her

Well thats the thing isn't it ... you want to kiss her back.

It is nonsence to say that it is hard to fight off a drunk woman who wants to kiss you. If you don't want to kiss them back then it is pretty easy, and I bet you any guy here would rather run a mile than snog a bloke. If it was a gay guy, or a fat ugly chick, or your mates 13 year old sister, you can always find a way not to kiss her/him. I have been in situations myself when a girl I didn't find attractive wanted a snog (once a girl had sick spilling out of her mouth ffs!) and you can bet that girl got no where near my lips.

It is the fact that you want to kiss them back that makes it hard. It is fighting your own desires that is the hard bit.

So please, enough of this BS that if a girl wants a snog she will get it. She will get it only if you want one too.

The Corinthian

Wicknight wrote:

It is nonsence to say that it is hard to fight off a drunk woman who wants to kiss you. If you don't want to kiss them back then it is pretty easy, and I bet you any guy here would rather run a mile than snog a bloke. If it was a gay guy, or a fat ugly chick, or your mates 13 year old sister, you can always find a way not to kiss her/him.

However, a man may also use other means to dissuade another man from such advances - namely violence or the threat of violence. That is not a realistic option in the case of a woman doing so to a man though. Telling a bloke that the only part of me that his lips are going to come in contact with is my fist generally conveys the message I’ve found, without further action. Say that to a woman and she’ll reckon you’re bluffing (and she’d be right).

And frankly, my experience of gay men is that they take the hint far better than many women in the same situation, even without threats. In at least one occasion I remember telling a woman “if you and I were the last man and woman on Earth, we would be the last man and woman on Earth”, and she still didn’t get the picture. I literally had to leave. Running. Not a good solution, TBH.

So please, enough of this BS that if a girl wants a snog she will get it. She will get it only if you want one too.

So men are just asking for it then? And if a married man is shìt-faced and a woman hops him in a bar or nightclub, then he was looking for that too? It’s funny how there seems to be one rule regarding consent for you for women and another for men.

Boston

It's more worrying that you find it acceptable to smash someone face in if they tried to kiss you then you do to kiss a drunk woman. ffs having someone handed to you on a plate and turning it down is very very hard. Personally I wouldn't have taken it, wouldn't have kissed her either, but I'm in a loving relationship...

Zombrex

The Corinthian wrote:

So men are just asking for it then? And if a married man is shìt-faced and a woman hops him in a bar or nightclub, then he was looking for that too? It’s funny how there seems to be one rule regarding consent for you for women and another for men.

You what?

Did I say any of that? No, so stop putting words in my mouth. I have no idea what your point is about the drunk married man in a nightclub, but it would seem that that analagy actually shows my point. The married man wasn't asking for it, the woman took advantage of his drunken state, just like the girl wasn't really asking for it, the guy took advantage.

If a man doesn't want to kiss someone back after they have made advances, be it a drunk man, a drunk woman, a drunk cat, a drunk dog or a drunk hairy sheep, he won't. All this talk about "well she was polluted and all over me and I couldn't stop her and she made me kiss her" is bulls**t. If a drunk girl is all over you and you kiss her its because you want to kiss her, not because she made you. I am not even sure how exactly it is possible to make someone kiss you, without using a gun.

This guy wasn't drunk. He wasn't incapasitated. He wasn't being held down with a gun to his head. He fancied her and he kissed her back. Did he take advantage? Yes. Was it a terrible thing to do? No.

I have no problem with what this guy did. The fact that he felt guilty afterwards shows that he realised it probably wasn't the best thing to do. I do have a problem with all this crap that others people are saying that because she was drunk and gagging for it, it is not taking advantage and in fact it is impossible not to kiss her because she made him.

As I have said time and time again, if she was ugly or in the process of being sick, or had just given a another guy a blow job, he wouldn't have kissed her.

Boston

So how drunk is ok? Is it ok if you know the girl before hand. What if you're both equally drunk? what if your more drunk then she is, but she's still pretty drunk. I was in O reily's there and a Girl started talking to me, chatting me up, I was drinking from eight, her from 11, she invited me and my two mates back to her's for some fun with he and her friends. Now I'd like to say I turned it down because she was abite blotto, but the truth is she was starting to annoy the living **** out of me. So the point is should I have to take a blood sample first to determine if she was over the legal limit?