Cheating on my wife

LegacyUser

I won't say that I'm a regular user but I do post on ocassion.

Anyway to get to the point I'm 28 years old and married just over a year with a baby on the way.

Thing is I feel I'm cheating on my wife. As my wife is heavily pregnant I masturbate. Its now gotten to the stage that I get up during the night (as I have done tonight) look up porn on the internet and masturbate. Thats not all I also chat dirty with people in other parts of the world, both female and male (no, I wouldn't consider myself to be gay, just a turn on).

Am I cheating on my life by doing this? My wife doesn't know that I masturbate, at least I don't think she does. However thats not the problem it is the fact that I go to chat rooms and talk dirty to others while i masturbate thats making me feel guilty.

Am I cheating on my wife? I'm terrified she'll find out but I still find myself doing this every night while she sleeps.

Please help me.

Darren

Is this a troll??

Zulu

she knows you ****.
Just tell her. Talking dirty to guys, now you might want to leave that bit out.

tia

i felt realy sory for u as i red threw,u seen like a very sweet man who cares alot for his girl and baby,wot ur doing is not cheating at all,its a difficult time for u and your wife,weither she's simlply not in the mood r wot ever the case i dont tink she'd do ballistic if she found out wot u were doin,u need to stop beating ur self up about this its not as if ur unhappy in ur realationship and are thinking bout cheating ur not,

wanted to say more just a little tounge twisted!
tina

Sleipnir

Tia, quit with the "txt tlk" this isn't a mobile phone, you have a full keyboard!


Original poster, naw I don't think so.
The guys thing is a puzzler though.

OLDYELLAR

dirty chatting with other people while your wife is in the next room heavily pregnant does sound like cheating
i mean imagine if she walked in and saw you
altho you say your not gay so the fact that you do this with both men and women shows more that you really just want a way to relieve yourself more so than anything else
you sholud just tell her how you feel , might want to leave out the dirty chat bit , chances are she knows you masturbate anyway

Interceptor

In the strictest definition you aren't cheating but you are teetering on the edge of it and it mightn't take much to make a critical next move. Find something else to do after your wife goes to bed - stay out of xxx chatrooms and look forward to the new arrival.

'ceptr

LegacyUser

When an ex of mine found out that I was having cyber with other women she did her nut cos she considered it cheating so I wouldn't tell her about that. The porn is just plain normal, everyone does it, women included. Why else would Mills & Boon actually still be in existence otherwise?

whosurpaddy

Originally posted by tia
u need to stop beating ur self

think that says it all really

uberwolf

Originally posted by whosurpaddy
think that says it all really

very close to the edge. Hows your sex life with the Mrs? Is there no 'contact' at all, or are things ok and the pregnancy is concidental to your new hobby? or is this a substitute?

TCP/IP

dont worry pal she is most likely lashing herself out of it with a dildo whilist you are doing a bit of man chat. God help the baby thats all i will say

munkeehaven

i wouldnt really say it is cheating, but you just have to realise that the people you are interacting with on the net really dont mean anything to you...i suppose its just an escape, it must be kind of freaky to be having a baby, and no doubt stressful. best thing to do is just talk to your wife about these things, you need to communicate..women have theses feelings too! shes prob. just as sexually frustrated or whatever as you are! and you shouldnt feel guilty about masturbating, i think everyone does it, some more than others,some not at all..nothing wrong with it as long as you dont get obsessed with it and you take preference to it rather than other person contact.

tuxy

Originally posted by munkeehaven
i think everyone does it, ......some not at all..

sorry but? lol

munkeehaven

i tend to contradict myself, its a habit..like when i say ''sometimes i always...'':p

tuxy

ah i see

Kell

Originally posted by munkeehaven
i wouldnt really say it is cheating, but you just have to realise that the people you are interacting with on the net really dont mean anything to you...i suppose its just an escape, it must be kind of freaky to be having a baby, and no doubt stressful. best thing to do is just talk to your wife about these things, you need to communicate..women have theses feelings too! shes prob. just as sexually frustrated or whatever as you are! and you shouldnt feel guilty about masturbating, i think everyone does it, some more than others,some not at all..nothing wrong with it as long as you dont get obsessed with it and you take preference to it rather than other person contact.

I pretty much agree with all here. I think you should discuss it with your wife, explain your frustrations, and perhaps she will give you a hand in relieving your frustrations.

Unless, of course, she doesnt do it for you anymore as a result of her pregnancy. Happens to a lot of blokes AFAIK. If thats the case, then you really do need to talk to her about it so you dont start looking elsewhere for someone who does turn you on.

K-

Victor

The only one that can define whether you are cheating or not is your wife. We can't say. You can't say.

The common perception is that cyb4ring is borderline activity.

Masturbation isn't cheating. I'm not 100% on this, but I think masturbation is actually permitted by the church for men with pregnant wives (you can't make them any more pregnant).

Talk to your wife. Explain to her you are feeling frustrated. Ask her how she is feeling. As best I know there are pregnancy-friendly positions and activities you can partake in that your could find on the net or in sex / pregnancy books.

Etain

I can't warn you strongly enough to stop this behaviour.
If you didn't think it was wrong, you wouldn't be sneaking around to do it. Don't use your wife's pregnancy as an excuse to stray. If you are interacting with someone else, that's going too far. Sexual frustration ?! You don't think of your wife as a sexual person anymore? There are pleasurable activities you can enjoy together. Pregnancy is a very emotional time, why create a distance between the two of you?

Executive Steve

porn + irc = very bad for the soul....

masturbation - stress relief.

neither is cheatin as such, but i would strongly advise you knock the porn and chatroom stuff on the head.

talk to your wife - communicate... odds are she is in pretty uncharted waters herself... and at a time like this you need to do all the bonding and preparation and give each other all the love and support you can, cos it will be a hell of a lot harder once theres a screamin mouth to feed at 3am evrey night... good luck!

JB123

Id say no probs with the porn etc she is off duty. To be honest id stay out of the chatrooms there is plenty of other stuff anyway.

tia

hey sleipnir,this isnt a mobile phone?wish someone told me earlier was a bastard to carry round jesus your very clever,but save ur comments for someone who gives a ****.xx

Beruthiel

tia
read the charter regarding comments such as this
B

Sleepy

ifriends tbh;)

tia

:eek:

tia

(dat was ment for u sleepy)

JohnnyBravo

i think she is sassy

Beruthiel

can you lot stick to the topic of the thread or refrain from making any comments at all
B

Zulu

whats all this about?





...:D

tia

who's sassy jonny??

JohnnyBravo

YOu


But to keep this on topic i gotta say that if your going on internet chat rooms now and doing what ever it is you do and you rationalize it as not cheating
Your simply going to go to more and more extremes to satisfy your ...uh needs
You are scirting the main issue here
Your marriage, you should sit down with the wife and talk about it
You have a child on the way man
Get a hobby other than the chat rooms

Chinafoot

i wouldnt consider it cheating but i think you should consider your wife's feelings for a moment. she's heavily pregnant, probably feels like a blimp and has a very low self-image right now. satisfying your sexual needs probably isn't a high priority for her at the moment.

the porn is normal but i'd cut out the chatrooms.

Sleepy

Originally posted by tia
(dat was ment for u sleepy)

How you doin'

Beruthiel

sleepy
take it to PM!
B

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I've really taken alot of it on board. Its not easy for me and my wife right now. I'm very excited, yet scared about this new arrival, due early september!!

But at the moment my wife is heavily pregnant, and not showing much interest in having sex which leaves me with no choice only to relieve myself through masturbation. I'm sexually fustrated, and started to go on the interent chat rooms as a means of turning myself on. This has since turned into a habit.

I'm sure my wife knows I'm fustrated, as we've raised voices on the situation. I really do love my wife and would hate to loose her. In fact words can't discribe how much i care about her. She mean the sun, moon and stars to me.

Its just that before she fell pregnant our sex life was fantastic, now its non existant. Even just to hug and kiss, my wife seems to show a lack of interest. Is it normal for women to be like this when pregnant?

The lack of sexual intimacy in my marriage is really getting me down.

Victor

Originally posted by JB123
Id say no probs with the porn etc she is off duty.

Women have more than one oriface.

Pataman

Originally posted by Victor
Women have more than one oriface.

Women are also beings, not collections of orifaces. I she is late in the pregnancy she is going to be tired, as was said before low self esteem(possibly), a myriad of emotions, you are doing her a favour to have a masterbation. Dont agree with the chat rooms thought, enough materal out there without interactionwith others. If she is all of the above she doesnt need you harping on about your previously good sex life, not being satisfied etc. One thing thoughwhen she does want to make love, even if you have looked afetr yourself, make love to her she might want the emotional reassurance that you find her attractive.

Also dont worry the love life comes back after the baby is born, once you take your half of the responsibilities. She will be very tired at the start and you need to be very supportive to her, also she may be emotional(baby blues), but dont worry kids bring you endless joy. Remember the baby days they grow up very quickly.

Best of luck

Victor

Originally posted by Pataman
Women are also beings

My point was they are also sexual beings.

Pataman

Not always when they are heavly pregnant and tired.

Chinafoot

Originally posted by Cheating
Is it normal for women to be like this when pregnant?

Yes, very!

Originally posted by Cheating
The lack of sexual intimacy in my marriage is really getting me down.

i'm sorry but you say she's due in september which means its been like 7 months since you knocked her up. i think you're being a tad selfish here. your wife's body and emotions are going through so many changes right now so why not look at your porn and get your rocks off that way. its totally natural for her to feel that way just like its natural for you to be frustrated. shes not going to feel like this forever.
have some patience.

RicardoSmith

Your wasting valuable sleeping time. You won't have any for the next 6 to 8 months.

lisa.c

you shouldnt do what you do. its not fair on your wife. her decision not to have sex is just someting you will have to accept and respect for now. a pregnant women will be more emotional and can get upset quite easilly. i think most women know there men masturbate and we accept this its natural but what we dont like is the secret porn and chats. lately i have been avoiding sex with my fella its not him or athen he has done its just something i dont quite fancy at the mo and i knew this would lead to him masturbating and i accept this but then i discovered the porn and while i can understand why i dont accept it. i found it very hurtful. and if i stumbled accross it quite easily your wife could to.try to talk to her tell her how you feel and maybe she will try to be more intimate with you. but lord stop the chats right now as you could find yourself fighting for access to see your child

Zulu

thats a pretty selfish attitude there. If he's not getting sex - what do you expect?
relationships are a two-way thing, while I agree that this is an emotional and stressful period for the wife - it is for him too; she should be supporting him also.
Pregnancy shouldn't be hidden behind as an excuse.

lisa.c

i agree totally but put it this way... you have some emotional problems at the mo and sex is now high on your priority list even though your wife is gagging for it are you happy to see her masturbate... yes of course you are as it means you dont have to worry about pleasing her.... but oh no you accidently discover that she has been looking at porn and chating dirty to both male and female and for the last few weeks this is how she has been pleasing herself... now tell me how would you feel about that.....

Zulu

I see the point you are making - but swapping the roles dosen't really change anything. While masterbation provides an quick relief, it dosen't provide the mental bonding that intamace between to people or sex does. By her actions, she is turning him away, knocking his confidence, and creating a rift between the pair.
He already feels guilty and fustrated, he will start to resent her for that after a period because in a way she is forcing this on him.

RicardoSmith

If you think its hard now, wait till the birth, and the effects of that on you both physically and mentally.

Chinafoot

Originally posted by Zulu

Pregnancy shouldn't be hidden behind as an excuse.

sorry but pregnancy shouldn't be viewed as an "excuse".
many many many women who go through pregnancy simply don't want to have sex. they don't want it physically or emotionally.
would the original poster prefer it if his wife just lay there and let him have his fun??
he needs to try and see it from her point of view and understand exactly what she is going through. my advice.....buy a book about pregnancy and stop being selfish.

Zulu

that works both ways.

LegacyUser

You have a problem poster. What you are doing is sick. Your not gay but you talk dirty to men to turn urself on? God help the baby.

Chinafoot

hehe well maybe if he hadn't gotten her up the duff in the first place he wouldn't have this problem!! j/k

i just think he's not considering the emotions involved in pregnancy. personally i see absolutely nothing wrong with his looking at porn, and i doubt his wife would either. any man who thinks his partner doesnt know that he looks at porn and masturbates is seriously kidding himself. i think the chatrooms are a bit much though.
if she doesnt want to have sex with him then she doesnt want to have sex with him. she can't change the way she feels. my sister and two of my cousins are pregnant at the moment (hey we're a fertile family!) and each one of them has felt like this at some time during their pregnancy. its not like it lasts forever!
and yes it doesn work both ways but the original poster didnt give much indication of how his wife was feeling or any arguments they'd had. it was just about his guilt at what he was doing.
anyway, maybe she'll have a horny stage and he wont have a problem anymore.

Shewhomustbe...

Men masterbate, all women know this, saying you don't just makes it all the more funny.

However, this man isn't doing just that.
He's not having a **** in the bathroom over pictures in a magazine or whatever. He is sneaking off in the middle of the night and ENGAGING in conversations with other people for the sole purpose of sexual gratification, that's CHEATING

I realise the debate regarding the moral ambiguity of these practices rages on based on the no pysical contact arguement but as far as I'm concerned once you involve sneaking, lying, secrets and guilt how can it not be considered cheating.

What amazes me is that he hasn't bothered to talk to his wife.
I realise that some men have a problem viewing their wife/partner as sexual beings when they become pregnant/mothers and that could be what's happened here.

For you marriage and child's sake talk to her, because she'll find out about what you are doing, and then you'll really have a problem to deal with.

LegacyUser

If you feel like you are cheating and you are hiding your activities from your wife then you are cheating, even if a neutral third party would say that what you're doing isn't wrong. The guilt you feel may make you more argumentative and prone to anger and damage your relationship with your wife.

Lack of sex leads to more than just frustration for a man, it distances him from his wife. Couples who find that they are sniping at each other often find their problems disappear as soon as they find the energy and passion to get it together.

Vaginal intercourse can continue throughout pregnancy. You need to be a bit careful and considerate about positioning of course. She's tired but she's also choc-full of hormones as you can see from her figure. Also there's no need for contraception. These should be the good times.

100% of men masturbate, married or not. This is biology. You don't feel guilty when you carry out your other bodily functions.

Looking at porn (on your own) is a bit more deceptive. It's a waste of time and money and you don't need it to masturbate.

Having cyber sex is deceptive and could cause your wife to feel emotionally betrayed, which can be worse than sexual betrayal. It is a road to nowhere unless you meet someone you prefer to your wife. (byebye babby).

Your lack of contact is likely to get worse after the birth. You need to tell her you miss the intimacy and not just the sex.