Has anyone ever been in this position?

LegacyUser

Has anyone ever been in this position. If so, what did you do?

Background: I'm Male - 24, She's - 20 (firstly, is that age gap too big?)

A girl that I've known for a few months now, am absolutely besotted with (from day one), turns around to me the other night and tells me she's attracted to me....but she has a boyfriend already (of a few years). She loves him, I've never met him, and I don't really want to. This girl and I, have clicked from day one, and flirt with eachother all the time. I struck up the courage the other night to tell her how I felt, and she told me the feeling was mutual, and that if she wasn't with her current boyfriend, she would be with me in a second. My reply to her was "Please don't tell me that", because it hurts soooo much to know I'm so close. We sat and talked for ages, and I've seen her many times since then. I told her that I know where I stand and I will respect her relationship with her boyfriend, but the other night we were sooooo close to making a move on eachother. I can't see her breaking up with her boyfriend, but I'm around her most of the week, and my stomach is doing butterflies since the other night. I cant sleep, or eat, and I feel weak.

We've been flirting constantly, texting, etc. I walked her home, but the next day she asked me not to tell her boyfriend when/if I meet him.

This hurts big time.

I can't forget her and move on. I would if I could (I really would), because I wouldn't like to break them up. But when she can turn around and tell me that she's attracted to me too, I feel like I have to keep going (and I can, but should I). I don't know what her present boyfriend is like. I can only assume he treats her well, but I can't be sure. Career wise my future tends to be more bright than his (considering career paths taken, and qualifications to date, etc). She likes me as a person though, and I doubt my current financial, career (position in general) has any baring on her feelings.

Please help, I want to get some sort of closure on this, as (for example) I couldn't hold a mug of coffee earlier today as I've become so weak from being unable to eat.

Victor

Originally posted by Hurting
firstly, is that age gap too big?

No.

seamus

She's obviously not in love with her boyfriend, otherwise she wouldn't act that way. Simple as that.

The only way to get closure is to say it to her straight. Tell her how you feel now, and that you just need to know if anything's going to happen. She's playing games with your head, and it's not right. Don't let her fob you off and do the "Oh, if I wasn't with my boyfriend...." bull****. If she says that, then say, "Why not break up with him then?".

If she bolts, it wasn't meant to be. If she stays, make sure she actually does break up with him.

aidan_walsh

Originally posted by Hurting
Has anyone ever been in this position. If so, what did you do?

Background: I'm Male - 24, She's - 20 (firstly, is that age gap too big?)

Not at all... I'm 20 and my girlfirend is 26. As long as neither of you have a problem with the age difference, you'll be fine...

Originally posted by Hurting
A girl that I've known for a few months now, am absolutely besotted with (from day one), turns around to me the other night and tells me she's attracted to me....but she has a boyfriend already (of a few years). She loves him, I've never met him, and I don't really want to. This girl and I, have clicked from day one, and flirt with eachother all the time. I struck up the courage the other night to tell her how I felt, and she told me the feeling was mutual, and that if she wasn't with her current boyfriend, she would be with me in a second. My reply to her was "Please don't tell me that", because it hurts soooo much to know I'm so close. We sat and talked for ages, and I've seen her many times since then. I told her that I know where I stand and I will respect her relationship with her boyfriend, but the other night we were sooooo close to making a move on eachother. I can't see her breaking up with her boyfriend, but I'm around her most of the week, and my stomach is doing butterflies since the other night. I cant sleep, or eat, and I feel weak.

We've been flirting constantly, texting, etc. I walked her home, but the next day she asked me not to tell her boyfriend when/if I meet him.

This hurts big time.

I can't forget her and move on. I would if I could (I really would), because I wouldn't like to break them up. But when she can turn around and tell me that she's attracted to me too, I feel like I have to keep going (and I can, but should I). I don't know what her present boyfriend is like. I can only assume he treats her well, but I can't be sure. Career wise my future tends to be more bright than his (considering career paths taken, and qualifications to date, etc). She likes me as a person though, and I doubt my current financial, career (position in general) has any baring on her feelings.

Please help, I want to get some sort of closure on this, as (for example) I couldn't hold a mug of coffee earlier today as I've become so weak from being unable to eat.

Ok, here it comes. You have two choices here, live with the pain a little longer and see what happens, or just move on...

Putting up with it could result in what you want. You never know, she could be weighing up the odds of the chances of you working out if she left her boyfriend... It could be what she wants as much as what you want it...

Oh the other hand there is the unfortunate possibility that shes stringing you along...

The best thing to do is to sit her down and ask her to tell you just what you are to her... Are you a friend, or does she see the possibility of something more? Explain to her that you are just trying to get it sorted in your own head, and that by telling you one way or the other she'll be doing you a great favour...

patch

I had a similar thing a few years ago, she said we'd have to wait as her boyfriends Dad was sick. We kissed and said we'd wait a while. She never did dump him, and we never got got together, in fact she's still with him years later.

You need to cop on to yourself. Some women just crave attention.....

Sangre

You're just a brief spark in this girl's life, something to briefly entertain her.She won't break up with her boyfriend, she craves the security, comfort and reassurance he brings. She is simply getting a kick out of having an older man by the balls.
Simply tell her the situation and that you want her so bad you want her to break up with her boyfriend. Unlikely, very unlikely that she will do so.

Also she seems to be a pretty ****ty girlfriend for acting this way behind her boyfriend's back.

Kell

Originally posted by Sangre
Also she seems to be a pretty ****ty girlfriend for acting this way behind her boyfriend's back.

I would tend to disagree. So long as they havnt swapped saliva or other excretions yet, then she hasnt "done" anything behind her BF's back apart from being honest. I have thought that sort of stuff in the past a few times i.e. if it wasnt for x I'd be with y in a light and theres nothing wrong with that.

I agree with the others though. I think its a case of wanting her cake and eating it in which case you should either A) get the fúck away from her or follow Sangre's advice and tell her to split with yer man if she wants you or even C) roger her senseless and you'll have all the closure you need.

K-

Bicky

If you love your dream girl so much that every time you see her you wanna hurl then I say hurl.
If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."

daveg

Originally posted by patch
You need to cop on to yourself. Some women just crave attention.....

Some women? My dear chap.... don't you mean all?

bug

If you love your dream girl so much that every time you see her you wanna hurl then I say hurl.
If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

what..

Beruthiel

Originally posted by daveg
Some women? My dear chap.... don't you mean all?

no
he meant some

*me slaps dave round the head*


bug
that's a line from Waynes World, if memory serves me

Sangre

Originally posted by bug
just have a good time with the girl regardless and see where it leads what are you worried for, and why are you taking it so seriously.

Well I dont know about you, but trying to break up a relationship of a few years isn't something I'd take lightly But hey, thats just me.

bug

Well I dont know about you, but trying to break up a relationship of a few years isn't something I'd take lightly But hey, thats just me.

The guy realises she is not going to break-up with her boyfriend for whatever reason.
She should make up her mind, but that doesnt seem like its going to happen at the moment anyways.
The bloke we are trying to give advice to here is mad about her. Therefore I suggest he go for it..either to get it out of his system or enjoy himself for the time thats in it.

Then her boyfriend can come on PI and spill his guts

Sangre

I can't imagine anyone (even the way this girl is acting) to break up with a boyfriend of a couple of year and then be ready for action and a 'bit of fun'. Even if she does want to break, he should give her some space and recovery time. Nobody wants to be the rebound guy.

Anyway, I dont think this guy should be acting the way his considering she has such a long standing boyfriend, regardless of her actions.

daveg

Originally posted by Beruthiel
no
he meant some

*me slaps dave round the head*

See what I mean :ninja:

Zulu

Sounds like a tease - make an ultimatium!
:dunno:

Typedef

I think it's pretty shit of her to flirt with you (to lead you on in effect) with the predicated knowledge that it'll never lead to anything other then her staying with her fella.
It's kind of sad that people need to feel desired by others in order to satisfy themselves in their current circumstances, that's exactly where this chick is by the way.... allowing herself to feel desired .... persumably because that's the one thing her boyfriend doesn't supply her with.... you could, be a gay best friend in many ways.
A gay best friend supplies the sensitive type of man a girl can relate to, without need for sex. In this instance this chick is getting her need to feel desired by many men fulfilled out of you, in much the same way... it's a control thing for her or some sort of self serving vanity.

It's a subtle form of making herself feel desireable, while remaining the in safety net of a boyfriend.

I'm sure she seems attractive, but only because you can't have her, if you were with her, you'd find that easily 50% of the luster of this particular shiny object in the shop would wear off, when you... for example would see her first thing in the morning, after a hard nights drinking.

Let's talk about lustre and allure then, when she's scraping her face off of the pillow.

bug

Let's talk about lustre and allure then, when she's scraping her face off of the pillow.

rofl..you know i never thought I'd say this but typedef is probably right.

Typedef

I know you don't ware much/any makeup.... but, if you like ... I can pretend to be your gay best friend.

Wolf

I believe the answer is quiet simple really.

First off age gaps don't exsist except by law and unless it becomes a problem for the two people involved otherwise its everyone elses problem not yours.

Lastly if shes happy with her boy friend then be happy for her, otherwise, there isnt a hugh amount you can do she needs to make the decsion of who to be with and thats HER decesion not yours.

Good luck anyways

Typedef

Don't mind wolf and his pseudo-liberal niceness.....


Take an axe to the harlot.

You'll feel miles better...
promise.

Wolf

Originally posted by Typedef
Don't mind wolf and his pseudo-liberal niceness.....


Take an axe to the harlot.

You'll feel miles better...
promise.

Yes an AXE!

Thats the way your such a die hard cutie Typie :rolleyes:

Zulu

Originally posted by Typedef
Don't mind wolf and his pseudo-liberal niceness.....


Take an axe to the harlot.

You'll feel miles better...
promise.

I'm with typedef. She's got a boyfriend; she knows your interested; shes winding you up mate.
If she really liked you - she wouldn't prick you around - who does she think she is.
Look, if it helps - picture her boyfriend banging away...




...and her loving it - because she is - shes with him dude.

Wolf

Recently I was in the position where I kinda had two girls and had to make a decesion. Doesn't mean I didn't like the one I wasn't with its not always that simple.

Zulu

Well is that just great for you.
Did you prick one around? Tell her you really like her - but preferd the other? Did she like that?

It is that simple. I lived with a girl for a long time. I met women I could have been with/wanted to be with - but I KNEW who I loved. ...and I only pricked some of them around :dunno:

She knows what she wants in her heart.
"Me or Him" give her a choice, not an ego boost.

Typedef

Ah guilt wolfie... eats you up ... makes you defend the worst people in life.


/Typedef feels hungry..... says good things about Joseph Stalin.

Skud

everyone else said it.... she just flirting with you for the attention. Don't get your hopes up. She's not worth it

po0k

Get your end away and move on, leaving her to pick up the pieces.

Zulu

Originally posted by SyxPak
Get your end away and move on, leaving her to pick up the pieces.

I change my mind - listen to this guy.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Zulu
picture her boyfriend banging away...and her loving it - because she is - shes with him dude.

My stomach just turned upside down mate when I read that. But she's been in my company most of today, and was the last person to text me before I posted this. Though, she made several references to her weekend with her boyfriend in my company. She's treating me like a mate one minute, and then like someone she's after the next. I'm confused????. Some of you seem to suggest I give her an ultimatum (me or the boyfriend). The fact of the matter is, I care for her, and I think think it would be down right crap for me to do something like that to her. I'm an awful softie when it comes to letting people down. I can't do it. I get on with all my ex's because I always made absolutely sure that we were cool before walking away.

I mean (when thinking about it now), she reminded me of our little talk today (where she said the feeling was mutual), but I changed the subject, because I felt like I was just being dragged towards the edge of a cliff.

If I were to be honest, I don't think she is going to break up with her boyfriend. I am on the otherhand going to do my best to stop flirting back, and hope she picks up on it. Lads and Ladies, I just want all of you to know that I am very grateful for your help, but this is the hardest thing I've done in a while. I'd hate to think that this person is stringing me along, because she and I have so much in common, and she comes to me, more than I go to her. The way that she constantly catches my eye in a room full of people, and it's like we're the only people there. Jesus, if she wasn't the slighest bit sincere in her actions, then she's one evil bitch.

I feel sick -- end of ****ing story. But I think this is going to be a harsh lesson learned. At the same time I feel like I'm backing myself away from something that "could" be the best thing in my life.

But I think I should just slap myself over the back of the head, and take myself out this.

I think the reason why I'm being so careful is because in the past I misjudged a situation and missed out. It's like doing the lotto, with the same numbers for years on end, and the week when you finally give up, your numbers come up. So close, yet so far.

Zulu

Originally posted by Hurting
My stomach just turned upside down mate when I read that. But she's been in my company most of today, and was the last person to text me before I posted this. Though, she made several references to her weekend with her boyfriend in my company. She's treating me like a mate one minute, and then like someone she's after the next. I'm confused????. Some of you seem to suggest I give her an ultimatum (me or the boyfriend). The fact of the matter is, I care for her, and I think think it would be down right crap for me to do something like that to her. I'm an awful softie when it comes to letting people down. I can't do it. I get on with all my ex's because I always made absolutely sure that we were cool before walking away.

I mean (when thinking about it now), she reminded me of our little talk today (where she said the feeling was mutual), but I changed the subject, because I felt like I was just being dragged towards the edge of a cliff.

If I were to be honest, I don't think she is going to break up with her boyfriend.

If I were to be honest, I don't think she is going to break up with her boyfriend.

Love is blind ...but the neighbors aren't.
She’s stringing you along mate.
It's nice that you're being nice to her, but don’t be a door mat ffs. She’s not going to fall for a push over.
End of the day...
Don't give an ultimatum:
you'll get nothing but pain; she'll continue to prick you around and get her little ego boosts; boyfriend will find out and hate you; she'll split up with the boyfriend in a year, and go out with you for 2 weeks, tops, then dump you and get back with the boyfriend; you'll never be able to talk to her again.
Give an ultimatum:
a) She'll think it harsh; dump the boyfriend; you'll spend the dirtiest weekend of you life in Clifden; you'll die a happy man.
b) She'll think it harsh; tell you to take a walk; go back to the boyfriend and go at it like the clappers with her new found confidence in him; you'll see her for who she really is - a c*cktease.

2 simple questions:
would you do anything to be with her? (that's how you feel buddy)
would she do anything to be with you? (that's how she feels - it's not rocket science, far more difficult )

patch

Let me save you some time for when you get to the next phase buddy.
-Your pulling away slightly now. The more you pull away, the more she's going come back. This is the way women like her operate.
I doubt she's aware that she's putting you through hell, but she still is.

You can pull away more, and she'll run to you more, but that's eventually going to result in you getting her. Briefly. -Then you'll feel even worse.

Save yourself a couple of months turmoil by by telling her how you feel, if you don't get a direct answer either way, the best thing is to decide yourself, then tell her, you've decided you both will NEVER get together. You'll feel better, and you'll just have taken control of your emotions again.

Next, go out and get laid. Repeat. In time you'll find one of your conquests will become the relationship that you want.

Kali

Originally posted by patch
Let me save you some time for when you get to the next phase buddy.
-Your pulling away slightly now. The more you pull away, the more she's going come back. This is the way women like her operate.
I doubt she's aware that she's putting you through hell, but she still is.

You can pull away more, and she'll run to you more, but that's eventually going to result in you getting her. Briefly. -Then you'll feel even worse.

Or else you pull away too much, and she goes off and finds a new object of attention

Hurting.. I've been (and I presume a lot of other people have too) in the exact same situation (twice actually, you'd think i would have learned!).. and at the end of the day you are only getting more and more frustrated and hurt by delaying any attempt at a relationship with her... basically if you don't make an effort to get her you will probably regret it, and if that effort does fail then you'll just see her the way everybody else here does (as a girl just looking for attention wherever she can find it and ****ing with peoples heads along the way)... but if not.. hell it could be good

Kali

Originally posted by patch
Next, go out and get laid. Repeat. In time you'll find one of your conquests will become the relationship that you want.

This advice never, ever, fails... in fact do it now before you tell her anything... might make you see sense and a bit of perspective.

Beruthiel

go with patchs advice

yes, it will hurt
but
if you continue and get deeper in, it will hurt more and for longer,
bite the bullet while you still have respect for yourself.
Do you really want to be with someone who strings you along like this anyway? and, more importantly, what makes you think she wouldn't do this with someone else even if you were to get her in the end

Emmo

Right its either one of two ways

1 She realy wants you

2 She really wants you to boost her ego

If its option 1

**** will sort itself out. You need to avoid a head**** and give yourself some time and space. She knows how you feel. Let her do some of the legwork for a change. Dont seem so desperate, make it clear that as a cool, good looking confident guy you have other interests outside her and other people to spend your time with. Arrange to see her then cancel all of a sudden and go out with some one else. Next time your with her tell her all about how much fun it way and who you talked to. Dont be such a (how would Jerry Seinfeld put it?) putz. Develop a life outside of her and grow into it.

If its option 2

Eject and escape the head**** now. Enough people will mess with your head in your life without you helping them.

I know it sounds much easier that it actually will be but this is the best course of action in the long run.

Emmo

Typedef

Definately use her for sex, before you toss her for a model, that wants to live in your house and pocket, stop you watching football and going to the pub with the lads.

....

wait a minute

Zulu

Originally posted by Typedef
Definately use her for sex, before you toss her for a model, that wants to live in your house and pocket, stop you watching football and going to the pub with the lads.

....

wait a minute

...make sure and tell her your dumping her because she looks too fat.

seaghdhas

... or maybe too thin?

Pink Bunny

Originally posted by Beruthiel
Do you really want to be with someone who strings you along like this anyway? and, more importantly, what makes you think she wouldn't do this with someone else even if you were to get her in the end

My thoughts exactly!!!
I feel for you, that's a really hard place to be. But...if it makes it any easier on you think of it this way........how would you feel if YOU were the boyfriend and found out? Think long and hard, because if you do get the girl, you will become just that and we have seen how she treats the man she "loves". Frankly, I feel sorry for her bf, can you imagine how it would make him feel to know she was saying those things to you?

Pink Bunny

Originally posted by Hurting


Background: I'm Male - 24, She's - 20

Oh, forgot about her age...that might explain a lot. Sounds like she has some growning up to do. And if they have been together for a while, that means it could have been that teenage-first love first "everything" experience, and that's hard to give up, even after it's grown old.
Still........she's plenty old enough to know better than to treat both you and him that way. I know you really like her, but like I said before, can you trust her not to do that to you later on if you did get together.

LegacyUser

Right now I feel sick because today something very interesting happened. Any doubt I had of this girl's sincerity has been removed completely. Today she proved to be really concerned, and asked me to go for a talk with her. We talked for ages, but the topic of conversation was "us". This girl and I are so alike it's not funny....it's borderline scary. She is just like me in that she knew that she couldn't keep something like this to herself. Granted she has her boyfriend, but she says that this is the first time she has felt confused, and I blame myself for this. I feel sick, because I know she is devoted to her boyfriend, and we will NEVER get together. I told her that I'm sorry for telling her that I liked her, and she told me not to appologise, and said that she was the same for wrecking my head. But just like me, she couldn't keep something like this to herself. Her boyfriend has already become suspicious, and has asked her if anything is up. Of course she says "it's nothing". It is, because we haven't made a move on eachother. I can't/won't because I respect her too much as a friend, and know that I could jepardise that. She kept appologising to me, and the two of us were practically close to tears today. I sat there and told her that I will be here for her as a friend, and that I love her as a friend (which I do).

She asked me how do I feel for her now, and I just stared in to her eyes with a look nothing short of depressed. She put her hands to her face and said that she feels the same, and it's killing both of us. I said while that keeps up it's going to be very difficult to stay friends. Again she kept appologising to me, and I said that I can't lose her as a friend, and I'm going to try hard to accept that we will NEVER be together. I think I should meet her boyfriend, and get used to the idea of them as a couple, and I being their friend. I really think I should do this, for both of us.

It's very hard. My stomach is in bits at the moment, and I can't eat. When leaving her today as she was going to meet her boyfriend, I asked her for a hug. The look in her eyes killed me, because she looks as sad as I.

Oh what have I done. Why have I let myself fall for her. When we finished talking about "us", we changed the discussion to just talk about everyday things. During the course of the conversation she said something about things she likes, etc. I'm the exact same way as her, but decided not to say anything.

I even have a song that I associate with her, I'm listening to it right now. I want to keep her as a friend. It's sooooo hard. What would you do if you were in my shoes?. All of you have been great so far, so I would appreciate if you could please try and put yourself in my shoes when answering. I mean just walking away from her is not an option that I will consider. I myself think I need to be strong, and force myself to shed these feelings. She will have to do the same of course. She even told me that she had pondered the "what if's" over the past week in her own head, and said that if things were different this would all be so easy. But I reminded her that it's not different, and this is where we are. At least now I know where I stand. It's not what I wanted, but I think I need to be strong. Now if I can just get my eating and sleeping back in order, and cope with meeting her boyfriend, I'll be OK.

Does anyone think this is possible?....what do you think will happen next?

loismustdie

age gap not to big

don't pressure her into anythin, if she say's she loves her bf , even if you know she doesn't, then leave her alone

stfu with the so in love you can't eat crap, that's for here

loismustdie

Originally posted by Bicky
If you love your dream girl so much that every time you see her you wanna hurl then I say hurl.
If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."

i'd come back if you puked your ring up for me but was hoping you'd be sayin something a bit mroe romantic

Beruthiel

Originally posted by loismustdie
stfu with the so in love you can't eat crap, that's for here

loismustdie

thin ice
B

patch

Originally posted by Hurting


Does anyone think this is possible?....what do you think will happen next?

Sorry buddy, but she's made her decision. She's clearly thought about it a lot, and you were at best her second choice.
It's time to take a bit of space while you get back to yourself. The idea of meeting her boyfriend in the hope that you can all be bestest buddies is just silly, at least for the time being.
Put it behind you and go get a burger for yourself, you'll feel a little better once you get some grub in ya.

Gordon

Hurting - she mentioned the word. It's now officially over.

She said she was 'confused'.

It's over.

If she hasn't broken up with her boyfriend to be with you then her confusion is probably rooted in the fact that she is not sure how it will be if she changes her life to be with you - maybe it will not be as it is now, in the future (with you). And sure, she's fairly ok with her boyfriend now so it would be a gamble to break up with her guy and be with you. She's being told to kill her turkey on the promise of receiving a goose that lays golden eggs. And most women don't believe in geese that lay golden eggs.

What women mean when they say that killer word 'confused' is that it would be a gamble to be with you. It's all about odds, and you may not be odd at all.

I hope you get it sorted, if you really want to be with her you have to persist and persist but in doing so you will feel even more sh*t than you are now. But the rewards may be golden if you persist.

Crests and troughs, peaks and lows. The one thing at least that you have got from it is complete emotional immersion, and that is not necessarily a bad thing, even if the emotions are unbearable. When you feel good after closure, you will feel great.

Good luck.

Suaimhneach

I think that you are very unlucky that she already has a fella, and my heart goes out to you. But the sigma being attached with the word "confused" is not required for the situation. I mean, if she wasn't with her fella she'd be with you. Simple as that. Now the fact that she won't leave him for you is something diffrent. She already has a relationship with him, she knows his family and he knows her etc etc..things that are just difficult to drop on a chance.

You seem to be doing the best thing you can do, and fair play to you. Meeting him, and seeing them together is going to be very, very hard for both of you though, so be prepared.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

her confusion is probably rooted in the fact that she is not sure how it will be if she changes her life to be with you.

This is what I was thinking. It makes sense, and if she's not ready to take the chance, then I don't think it would last very long between us if she did. That would be much worse in my eyes. Her as a friend is infinitely better than her being an ex that feels uncomfortable talking to me (obviously). I haven't a notion of putting pressure on her, I'm sure ye've all gathered that from my previous posts.

I hope you get it sorted, if you really want to be with her you have to persist and persist but in doing so you will feel even more sh*t than you are now.

I have to keep telling myself that the best thing to do is leave her alone. Both our heads are fried as it is. If I persist I will only make things extremely difficult for her, for what....my own selfish needs. If she wanted to be with me she would be asking me how to break it to her boyfriend. I've found out that her boyfriend is insanely jealous, and borderline possessive, in that he doesn't like her having friends of the opposite sex. Having said that he had a female friend for nearly a year before he told her about it. This pissed her off (as it would), because she thought something was going on. Turns out he wasn't cheating, but I think it's stupid that they couldn't trust eachother like that. Things like that go around in my head, and this is why I think that I would be better for her, because I've always been the type that understands that a relationship is where 2 seperate lives intersect, but 2 lives still exist.

Meeting him, and seeing them together is going to be very, very hard for both of you though, so be prepared.

She asked me: "is it OK if she talks about her fella around me". I said it was, because unless I jump in the deepend then this will only drag on. I think the decision has been made. She tells me that she wants us to be the best of friends (I believe her), because I do too. Deep down inside I want to be with her, but as I said these are feelings that I must shed. Right now at this very minute I know she's with him, and it hurts thinking about it. But I hope someday (in the near future) it won't. I'm scheduled to meet him in about 3 weeks when he comes back home for good. He's been away working and comes back at the weekends. I have quite a good knack at getting on with people, even if I don't like them. TBH chances are I will get on with this guy, but I've decided that, I will get on with him even if he's an arsehole for her sake. She needs me as a friend, and this is where I'm going to be. If he is an arsehole I will tell her why I think so. But he'd want to be a serious arsehole before I'd do that.

Am I doing the right thing?

I hope so.

I've got a hectic work life at the moment (doing my doctorate), so I really need to stay focused. Oh and I ate today. All I have to keep telling myself is that there isn't a chance of us getting together, deal with it, and this is how I'm dealing with it (it's the best I can do). But I need to know if people think I'm doing the right thing?

LadyPenelope

It would be very very hard for you to remain "friends" with all the feelings you have for her. As for getting to know the boyfriend ... dont go there ... you will tear yourself apart looking at the two of them together .. it will affect you badly, you dont need that.

She is only 20 ... how long has she be seeing this guy ... she obviously has feelings for both of you ... but when i was 20 i would have wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side! Am not sure that she could be trusted even if she broke up with him, but if she did and you guys got together, perhaps you could be able to live with that. I know i wouldn't.

IMO you should distance yourself from her, as best you can, otherwise you will end up very skinny and sick and when another fabulous girl strolls by (which she will) you will be too weak to go up and talk to her from lack of food and drink. Take care, the body is an amazing thing and the pain will diminish, not saying it will go away, but it will diminish (trust me), go out and see your other friends, or make new ones, but keep busy. Good luck.

malico

IMHO, if she does leave the boyfriedn for you, there is a chance of her going back to him. That woudl hurt more. Much more. Much more. Much much mu...you get the idea.


Well that's my experience anyway (grumble)