How long before sex?

Blue Rose

Is there an average amount of time that people date before having sex? I've been with a man for 3 months and I know he's getting tired of waiting. When I was younger and in school it was easier to hold off because it wasn't always expected, I guess. But now that I am out in the "real world" I get the feeling that if I wait much longer he will think there's something wrong with me.
I'm not a virgin, or anything, I just want to be in love with a man before I have sex with him. I really like the kissing etc... but I feel like a teenager when I have to tell him to stop before it gets too far.

The_Goose

There's no set time to wait, it's up to you, when you feeling comfortable then it's right!!!
If he can't handle it then he obviously was't the right one!
Don't let anything that you don't want too, just to please him or anything!
Give it time!

koneko

How old are you? Could be relevant.

But tbh 3 months is a long time, I can understand why he might be a little frustrated, but I'm sure he'll wait if he's really into you. There's no "set" time, it's all about when you both feel ready, etc etc.

Nuttzz

Last time I dated we did it on the first night, now together seven years, its either right or its not, I dont believe that there is any right or wrong time to do it nor is there any set waiting time (except when your a kid obviously). He has waited three months so far so if he was a user he'd be long gone IMHO

Blue Rose

Originally posted by koneko
How old are you? Could be relevant.

23. He's 26. See what I mean about feeling the need to act "grown up" and just do it? Maybe I'm making too big a deal over it.

Trojan

Male viewpoint. May be more harsh than the girls.

Originally posted by koneko
How old are you? Could be relevant.

But tbh 3 months is a long time, I can understand why he might be a little frustrated, but I'm sure he'll wait if he's really into you.

Maybe he will. But I'm not as sure as koneko.

Depends on what you're doing to curb his frustration (how far *are* you going?), but personally I would start questioning the relationship and where it was going if a girl waited that long - for a lot of reasons. You're not a virgin, so you're not holding out for that, so 3 months is a long time and getting to the stage where it might be time to look at other options. Have you talked straight to the guy about this?

uberwolf

TBH don't concern yourself with average times etc. Do what you want. Your concern should be what does he think of how long you're waiting? Have you discussed it? what he does think of being told you don't love him?

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Seraphina

dont do it if you dont want to

he may understand, he may not

either way you're better off doing what YOU want

*shrug*

Turner

If it feels right just do it... Dont hold off just because you think you should..

You wont find too many men that would wait 3 months!! He sounds like a keeper.

Chief.

Thorbar

Why not instead of being worried about 'acting like a grown-up' you just talk to him about it. Sit him down and say you're not ready and you'd like to wait until it feels right. If he can't handle that then **** him (or not as the case may be). Maybe a few handjobs to releave the stress so to speak would be an idea?

Trojan

Originally posted by Seraphina
dont do it if you dont want to

he may understand, he may not

Which is why you need to talk to him about this immediately if you haven't. I suspect he's not impressed and may be considering looking elsewhere (most men will in this circumstance, if the girl didn't talk to them).

koneko

Oh of course you'd have to talk about it, sorry I didn't clarify that bit. I didn't mean he'd wait around indefinitely if you just keep saying no and don't elaborate or talk about it. He doesn't know what you're thinking.

Seraphina

yeah do talk to him, he might think you're messing him around, or not really interested. he might think there's something wrong with you or him.

just explain it

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Blue Rose
I've been with a man for 3 months and I know he's getting tired of waiting

tbh I'm exceedingly impressed he has waited this long for you, I don't think there are many blokes who would wait around that length these days - he must like you a lot!
as for the waiting period before having sex, everyones different, I waited 6 whole hours myself we're together over 4 years now

I just want to be in love with a man before I have sex with him

and? after 3 months you must have a little idea how you feel about him

littlemiss

I'm with my boyfriend two years and really happy. We waited ten months. He would have been happy to sleep together sooner obviously but he waited regardless, because he didn't want to lose me. If this guy cares and respects you then he will wait although it isn't easy. Talk to him and tell him what you are thinking but don't feel pressured by anyone. At the end of the day it's no one elses business but yours.

Sangre

Originally posted by Manticore

If he can't handle it then he obviously was't the right one!

Yes, because that one special someday, the day they meet you, will suddenly become celebate and lose all sex drive just because its you.
:rolleyes:

Of course he wants it, you want to wait which is what he'll have to do but don't believe that because he doesnt put up with this that he is an asshole loser who you were better off without he has waited three months already.

Nobody loves a frigid.

Töpher

Originally posted by littlemiss
We waited ten months.

Surely he was firing wax darts after 10 months!?! Sorry, but by Jesus, does the guy deserve credit, or a copy of Penthouse?

Agent Smith

Originally posted by Sangre


Nobody loves a frigid.

dont wory sangre, someone MUST love you somewhere.....

Sangre

Originally posted by agent smith
dont wory sangre, someone MUST love you somewhere.....

Yeah, shes in your house right now, goes by the name of 'your mother'. She loved me about 3 times last night......

:dunno:

neuro-praxis

Your body.

Your life.

Your choice.

Don't listen to anybody else. Just talk it over with him. That's the adult response - not hopping into the sack for fear you'll be seen as frigid or childish.

The Corinthian

I’ve often found it amusing that many women will pontificate about sex being about the woman’s choice yet forget that it takes two to tango. Apparently the man’s opinion is an after thought to them...

Do it. Don’t do it. Frankly if you are uncomfortable with having sex with him at any stage it’s almost certainly going to cause more problems than it solves if you do.

However - and let this be a word of friendly warning - if you live in the real world, as you put it, consider that three months is a long time in our Society and, whether you like it or not, nascent relationships are largely influenced by the law of supply and demand - if you don’t supply, someone undoubtedly else will (and in our Society and culture it’s a buyers market); and consciously or subconsciously he will know this.

Of course, you may get lucky and be with a guy who believes in waiting too. They do exist (although for obvious practical reasons are dieing out in the gene pool). Or you may not.

Now this should not be a reason for you to have sex with the man or not, but it is a reason for you to move to a country like Iran where he definitely will wait for you. On pain of death.

rs

Originally posted by Blue Rose
I'm not a virgin, or anything, I just want to be in love with a man before I have sex with him.

ok, so here's how I'd feel if I was your man.

You're not a virgin, and I assume I know this, so it's not like you are saving your virgininty or anything, or are afraid of sex because you've never done it before. That I'd fully understand and fully respect. I don't think it right to push someone into sex for the first time before they are ready.

But that's not the case.

You have done it with other people, and have had no problem doing it with them.

Yet you won't do it with me because you can't decide if I'm worth it yet? That's what it really boils down to.

I'd be insulted, no joke. And I'd probably resent you for it unless you had made it very clear that you had made every previous boyfriend wait at least as long. It's a bit silly really, but I'm sure most other guys would feel the same way.

I'd just feel like, why the hell am I not good enough to have sex with, when obviously other people have been?

Walter Ego

Originally posted by Blue Rose
I'm not a virgin, or anything, I just want to be in love with a man before I have sex with him.

There you go again. Another woman confusing sex with love. Will they never learn.:D

Zulu

Originally posted by Silent Death
There you go again. Another woman confusing sex with love. Will they never learn.:D

Good point,
nothing is to say he's gonna love you.

xx

[edit: xx no more personal comments. << Fio >>]

Beruthiel

Originally posted by xx
This country and bulletin board are full enough of these, cheers

xx
the girl is looking for advice, not insults
also
don’t assume that everyone posting on boards is from Ireland
B


actually,
that has me thinking now, are there any stats to show which countries ‘put out’ the quickest?
I bet we are well up there thanks to our 'rose tinted beer goggles'

Imposter

Originally posted by Beruthiel
actually,
that has me thinking now, are there any stats to show which countries ‘put out’ the quickest?
I bet we are well up there thanks to our 'rose tinted beer goggles'

but it could take longer than 6 hours to get those beer goggles

Zulu

Originally posted by Beruthiel
xx
the girl is looking for advice, not insults
also
don’t assume that everyone posting on boards is from Ireland
B


actually,
that has me thinking now, are there any stats to show which countries ‘put out’ the quickest?
I bet we are well up there thanks to our 'rose tinted beer goggles'

I'd say sexually oppressed catholic Ireland could be the fault here. ...assuming abuse isn't an issue.

uberwolf

Originally posted by Zulu
fault

?

Zulu

Originally posted by xx
I'd love to meet her boyfriend. What is he - a priest or something???
I've come to 2 conclusions:
1. This thread was started by a troll of the n'th order
and
2. If her boyfriend really has waited this long, he deserves what he gets (a prissy moralistic virgin who wouldn't know her ar$ehole from her earhole).
This country and bulletin board are full enough of these, cheers

Harsh, but fair. (Sorry, I know it's not a nice thing to hear - and more power to you for having respect and all that... well done. But perhaps I'm a bit more shallow, I wouldn't be bothered waiting - unless your a supermodel. )

Zulu

Originally posted by uberwolf
?

The notion the sex is immoral/bad or that it's a taboo; that sex should be after a marrage cert is signed; that women are sluts etc..

...as opposed to a more liberal view - sex is highly enjoyable for all.

Dr Pepper

I totally agree with 'rs'! I could understand if you were a virgin or 18/19 (with some negative experiences) but i think after 3 months it's definitly decision time, one way or another.. Do you like this guy or not?

xx

Originally posted by Beruthiel
that has me thinking now, are there any stats to show which countries ‘put out’ the quickest?

If you're being serious here, and for all intents and purposes I'll assume you are, here's what I think. I don't think its the countries really, but the people in them who are the main protagonists of thei own sex life. A person in Ireland for example mightn't have a particularly exciting sexlife, but maybe in another country they might.

I bet we are well up there thanks to our 'rose tinted beer goggles' [/QUOTE]

I don't think we're known to be a nation of wine drinkers. I'd more more prone to saying 'pint-glass beer goggles'.

Its the nature of the beast really.

deimos

Em, Blue Rose, the only real reason why you say you will not have sex with him is because you say you want to be in love with him first. If he is willing to stay with you this long without anything it shows he is not hanging around for sex but for some form of a proper relationship.
But this draws a limit, if you continue like this then he won't be around long enough for any love, unless he has no dick.

I assume this idea has come into your head at some stage, and if you are not a virgin then why do you put so much emphasis on sex with this guy? Is there another reason which you are not telling us about? Do you like him? Will the act love not get you into love?

You could loose him because of your own greed and self desire about what you want, and I don't think that is fair to the guy if he is a normal person who is willing to wait that long.

The Corinthian

Originally posted by xx
I don't think its the countries really, but the people in them who are the main protagonists of thei own sex life.

No shit Sherlock :rolleyes:

xx

Originally posted by The Corinthian
No shit Sherlock :rolleyes:

Well lets see what you said in your little rant earlier.

"takes two to tango" - really???

"nascent relationships are largely influenced by the law of supply and demand" - glad to see those economics relationships didn't go to waste there.

Doesn't make my post look nearly so bad now, does it Einstein?

Fucking mods :rolleyes:

SheroN

alright kids leave the bickering to PM.

Beruthiel

what SheroN said! :mad:

xx

no bickering here. Just standing up for my rights....as a consumer

Clinical Waste

I don't understand this thread?

But I'm pretty sure I don't need therapy

The Corinthian

Originally posted by xx
"takes two to tango" - really???

I was only pointing it out because it was evident that some posters had forgotten about this (or perhaps would not agree).

"nascent relationships are largely influenced by the law of supply and demand" - glad to see those economics relationships didn't go to waste there.

Relationships are governed by economics, whether we care to admit it or not. This is why we have the recurring motif of trophy husbands/wives in Society.

Even where it comes to sexuality, we see such economics take place; one hardly wants to find oneself in a long-term relationship with someone who is prudish or repressed if one has a high sex drive and visa versa.

Fucking mods :rolleyes:

I was simply pointing out that you came out with a truism. I just found it amusing, but wasn’t particularly attacking you. I’m sorry if I particularly offended you.

Johnny Versace

Originally posted by Blue Rose
Is there an average amount of time that people date before having sex? I've been with a man for 3 months and I know he's getting tired of waiting. When I was younger and in school it was easier to hold off because it wasn't always expected, I guess. But now that I am out in the "real world" I get the feeling that if I wait much longer he will think there's something wrong with me.
I'm not a virgin, or anything, I just want to be in love with a man before I have sex with him. I really like the kissing etc... but I feel like a teenager when I have to tell him to stop before it gets too far.

I think if a girl made me wait three months, I'd be sleeping with other people behind her back. Not because I'm a c*nt, but because making a guy wait three months is way too long (IMHO.)

My opinion of girls does not change if they have sex on the first night. Although making me wait maybe, a week, would make me think she does not "sleep around".

Zulu

:rolleyes:
If he has to wait over 3 months for sex...







...how long is he going to have to wait for anal!

Johnny Versace

Originally posted by Zulu
:rolleyes:
If he has to wait over 3 months for sex...

...how long is he going to have to wait for anal!

I thought anal was "sleeping with someone"???

Damn, now that explains a few things...

Typedef

Originally posted by Blue Rose
Is there an average amount of time that people date before having sex? I've been with a man for 3 months and I know he's getting tired of waiting. When I was younger and in school it was easier to hold off because it wasn't always expected, I guess. But now that I am out in the "real world" I get the feeling that if I wait much longer he will think there's something wrong with me.

To be honest, I'd agree with him.

It's counter-instinctive on your part to deny yourself sex... never mind him.

I'd advise you propose a threesome to him.

Him, you and the chip on your shoulder.

To be honest if I was him, there's no way, I'd be waiting for whatever switch in your head it is, lets you follow your instincts (the things which tell you to eat regularly by the by) as opposed to trying to rationalise away pseudo-Catholic sexual repression and prudishness. Since in the "real world" there is a very large and pronounced difference between being a slut and being someone who has no hang ups about having sex and enjoying it (like a regular person)... a great vast gaping chasm of difference, to be honest.

It's a little like maustrabation. Everybody does it... except for the 'seriously' repressed, but, it's natural.... that's why, like sex and eating, you feel strangely compelled to do it.

Friendly advice. Burn that bible... then preferably make sweet lovin (with a non-cleric), on top of it's ashes.

xx

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Relationships are governed by economics, whether we care to admit it or not. This is why we have the recurring motif of trophy husbands/wives in Society.

Even where it comes to sexuality, we see such economics take place; one hardly wants to find oneself in a long-term relationship with someone who is prudish or repressed if one has a high sex drive and visa versa.

I was simply pointing out that you came out with a truism. I just found it amusing, but wasn’t particularly attacking you. I’m sorry if I particularly offended you.

Nah, you didn't offend me. In fact, I had a similar sort of dialogue with Lemming on the Self-Defense board yesterday. Basically, some people (including myself, and yourself too by the looks of it) still feel the need to point out the obvious here because we can never be sure how people will take the information. Perhaps thats one of the many limitations to having a 'conversation' on the web as opposed to in the real world. So no harm done there.

Call me old-fashioned though, but I really can't agree with the whole economics angle of relationships here. Has the world gone that messed up that people are weighing the pro's and con's of a relationship rather than the reasons why they like the person? Before a relationship even happens, people need to be attracted to each other, thus attraction must take place first, not economics. I'll agree though that in this particular society, after the initial attraction takes place, people will then look into the other person for qualities they see 'mandatory' before anything further happens. Personally speaking, I can't say I'd be in a habit of doing this, but from what friends have told me and from what I've read on boards, I do see it happening. So while your reductionist argument of relationship economics might be scraping the surface, I still want to believe that there's more to it than that. What do you think?

Zulu

Originally posted by xx
...Personally speaking, I can't say I'd be in a habit of doing this, but from what friends have told me and from what I've read on boards, I do see it happening. So while your reductionist argument of relationship economics might be scraping the surface, I still want to believe that there's more to it than that. What do you think?

A lot of studies back this up. It more about your basic animal urges/instincts.
Before I start, <disclaimer> according to these studies in human instinctual urges.....

You're attracted to a relationship (instinctually speaking) to reproduce. Women look for the best provider for their offspring (hence, more money or greater social standing) and thus we see similarly the "alpha male" amongst primates. Men look for the healthiest females for a better chance of providing a strong child (and hence go for young models). It solely for the purpose of passing on the genes.

...now of course, we are bigger that our natural urges, so there will always be exceptions, but the basic urge exists there.

FYI: 10 women were given 20 tee-shirts (worn by men exercising) to smell and pick which they found most attractive. 10 men did the same with women’s tee-shirts.
ALL 20 people picked the tee-shirt worn by a person with an immune system most different to their own.
The conclusion being that if they had a child - the child would have the most diverse immune system (a mix of mother and father) and thus be best equipped to battle sickness. Seems to prove the point. Interesting no?

Kell

Pfft, natural I am attracted to you because your smell means you are the alpha male conversation. This is about sex and the original posters complex about whether to form the beast with two backs with her male accomplice or to walk the plank to lonliness.

From my perspective, I waited 3 months when I was seventeen. Would I do that now? Not a fúcking chance. I have the patience of a saint (trust me on this) yet there is no way in hell I would wait that long save for if the original poster closely resembled Salma Hayek and gave amazing head (the latter more likely to be true, but then again..........).

So, original poster, do you look like Salma Hayek and give amazing head. How much do you give? How would you feel if the situation were reversed and you had the higher sex drive in the relationship?

Me, I'd be questioning WTF was wrong with me if I wasnt doin the biz with "me bird" as often as possible after three months. You could be impacting his self confidence by your "oh so sat on the fence" attitude. Why is it such a big fúcking decision anyway? During foreplay (before what exactly begs the question) do you never think "I would so love his thick veiny shaft inside me?" and if so, why are you pondering whether to do it or not?

Its a bit like that blasted love question. You get so many posters on here going "When is it OK to say I love you?" Fúck time limits, if it feels real and true at the time say it and stop worrying about the political correctness of it. Same applies here. I think you have proved by now you dont give it out easily so WTF is the problem?

K-

(Tired now from that rant. Me wipes brow)

The Corinthian

Originally posted by xx
Call me old-fashioned though, but I really can't agree with the whole economics angle of relationships here. Has the world gone that messed up that people are weighing the pro's and con's of a relationship rather than the reasons why they like the person?

Has the World gone that messed up? TBH, if anything the World is far less calculating in this regard than it was once. After all, only a century ago women needed to marry as much for financial stability as anything else, or as the old adage goes:

“The price that women pay for marriage is sex; the price that men pay for sex is marriage.”

Before a relationship even happens, people need to be attracted to each other, thus attraction must take place first, not economics.

Yet, is that not a form of economics? Given a choice between two women and one is more attractive than the other, all other things being equal, which would you go for? Sounds like one of the axioms of utility in action to me.

I'll agree though that in this particular society, after the initial attraction takes place, people will then look into the other person for qualities they see 'mandatory' before anything further happens. Personally speaking, I can't say I'd be in a habit of doing this, but from what friends have told me and from what I've read on boards, I do see it happening. So while your reductionist argument of relationship economics might be scraping the surface, I still want to believe that there's more to it than that. What do you think?

I’m sure there may be some more to it than that, but when we initially meet a potential mate we will be both consciously and subconsciously running numerous evaluations on them. From wealth and earning potential through to physical attributes and even psychology. And the older you get (and thus the more likely it becomes that your next partner will be one that you will settle down and raise a family with) the more you tend to evaluate people consciously and, frankly, cold-bloodedly.

The reality is that most of us are largely unaware of these calculations, as much by our capacity for self deception as anything else. After all, the reason you love her has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a model and the reason you love him has nothing to do with his professional football career, has it?

Of course this is all only slightly related to the original poster’s plight. Whether it is because she has a different philosophy on sexuality, is repressed or simply has a low sex drive, is immaterial. What matters is her boyfriend’s demand for nookie and his ability to find it elsewhere against everything else that this girl has to offer him. Supply and demand.

SheroN

one more off topic post and the thread gets locked. yay.