Girl Trouble...(a bit long)

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I'm confused, sort of.

Two years and two months ago a girl who I fancied for ages told me she had strong feelings for me, we'd been friends for a long time, and I had feelings for her too. I never acted on my feelings, as she had a boyfriend who I was friends with too, I told her at the time, that nothing could happen if she stayed with him. This was in the december, and they were due to move in to their first house in the February. She agreed that nothing should happen while she was still with him.

However, two weeks later she made a pass at me, and me being male, I responded to this pass, and kissed her back, it was around Xmas time. We started seeing each other behind the bf's back.

It didn't last very long, as in the middle of the January we went out (her, him, me and other friends) to a club, we were dancing quite sexily, me and her, and he went ballistic, saying that he suspected something was going on, I put an immediate stop to it, before we got caught for real. We all stayed friends, I said sorry to him for dancing like that with his gf, he accepted it, said he was drunk, and said sorry for acting like he did.

Skip to Valentine's Day...well a few days beforehand. I was in my local with a mutual friend, and she was there too, with a few girls. We ended up going to the chipper after, just the two of us. She was due to move into the house that week. She made it obvious that she wanted to start things again, but this time I said no, and meant it, nothing happened. I couldn't be with her knowing she was living with someone else.

Skip now to the August...He was going away for a weekend, and he asked me if I'd mind going down to the house and keeping her company for the 2 nights he was away. My forst reaction was "You Fool...course I will", I still fancied this girl like mad, and saw this as the perfect oppurtunity to maybe steal a kiss. Well, thats exactly what happened. We started seeing each other again.

We'd see each other maybe 2 nights a week, go to the pub/cinema/wherever. It went on like this until Xmas again. He bought her a holiday to spain for Xmas, they were due to go in March.

I went away for a weekend myself, and it was then that I realised that I loved her, I missed her so much. I decided when I got back that I would tell her. We arranged to go out the night I came home, but before I could tell her I loved her, she told me first. "I Love You" she said to me. I couldn't believe it.

She went on the holiday with him, and when they got back she said she loved him too, and she wanted to try and make it work in the house with him, so I was left alone again. By this time, me and him had stopped talking, over other issues.

About a month later, I was out with her again, and we kissed again, she said she missed me, and things definitely weren't working out. She said it was too hard living with him and pretending all the time. Last summer she told him that their relationship was over, she wanted to leave him, they broke up finally.

She couldn't move out until the mortgage was sorted out, lawyers told her not to.

I didn't want to start "going out" with her straight away, as she had just broken up with him, still living there and stuff. So, we just kept it kind of a casual but exclusive relationship. I'd be with no-one else, neither would she.

Everything was going fine until this Xmas. We had a pregnancy scare. This seems to have changed her. She has seemed to be pushing me further and further out of her life.

Two weeks ago she went to the pub with some work colleagues(thursday night), but never told me, we saw each other on friday afternoon, and she never mentioned it. I was out on friday night, when an acquaintence of ours said he'd seen her in the pub the previous night. "Strange" I thought, "she never mentioned it".

I went to their house with a bag full of everything she'd ever given me, and proceeded to smash it. CD's, Picture Frame, Shot Glass Pack, Clothes. He arrived out of the house, and I told him it had been going on behind his back for 2 years, then went home. I called her a "tart" before I left.

She was understandibly freaked, but texted me the next morning, saying she had done nothing on me. I believed her. She emailed me last tuesday, and we went for a chat, she told me I had broken her heart. I told her that I was sorry for acting like I did, and asked if there was any chance to try things again.

Haven't seen or heard from her since.

How do I get her back, I love her desperately.

Please help.

seamus

Give it up.

Better to have loved and lost, yadda yadda.

So she was essentially going out with a guy she didn't love for two years, while cheating on him. For all you know, she may have had some other guy on the go before you.

She was playing the two of you and loving it. The attention of two men? Great!
Then she leaves him, the thrill of having you as her dirty little secret is lost, she gets a "serious relationship" moment (pregnancy scare) and panics.

Then she goes out with some mates, doesn't tell you, and you go mental with jealousy...

No matter how much you love, or think you love this girl, it's not going to work on such shaky ground. You don't trust her, and rightly so. She doesn't see you as a serious partner, and rightly so.

Pack it in, get over it, and find yourself a girl who's not taken, and who doesn't have a penchant for playing around.

Faith

Why exactly did you have a psycho episode because she went out with some friends and didn't mention it to you? Do you honestly expect to be included in every single aspect of her life? It might have just slipped her mind.

If I was her, I'd be running a mile right now. She's probably re-assesing everything. Give her time. If you start hassling her now, you'll lose her forever. Let her deal with what she needs to and work everything out herself.

androphobic

you smashed everything she ever gave you just because she didn't tell you she had been out?

i really don't know if i could take my boyfriend back if he did that.

Agent Smith

androphobic has a point dude.....

androphobic

i think i'll have to frame your reply..

joePC

I called her a "tart"

sounds like you where on the ball on that one..........

hedgetrimmer

"I went to their house with a bag full of everything she'd ever given me, and proceeded to smash it. CD's, Picture Frame, Shot Glass Pack, Clothes. He arrived out of the house, and I told him it had been going on behind his back for 2 years, then went home. I called her a "tart" before I left2"

Ain;t know going back after that. And in all fairness, there was 2 of you involved in it. Sounds like she was confused and scared. I think joepC is a bit hard on her without knowing what was going on in her life, tbh. But sadly, my friend, if she doesn't want to see you, you have to respect her choice

Fudger

So she was essentially going out with a guy she didn't love for two years, while cheating on him. For all you know, she may have had some other guy on the go before you.

The words right out of my mouth, she was having a thrill enjoying the attention of both of you and the added excitment of you being good friends with her boyfriend. Then when it was all out on the table she became bored. I know you said you and your mate where no longer talking because of another issue but come on, about 70% of that resaon (at least) is because he was suspicious of you and her and with good cause, nobody forgets something like that. I wouldn't dwell on it too much, i know it can be hard but you will get over it, maybe if you go out party hard and mooch as many willing ladies as humanily possible you might get a small victory back at her, but then again that would keep things rolling insofar as you turning into a psycho going around shagging ladies to get back at a girl who was a cheater. Which would make you as bad as her. So forget her, you already lost a mate partly because of her (i'd say completely because of her) she ain't worth the hassle.

whats that saying...?????

"Plenty more fish in the fish monkers"...... hangon that doesn't sound right.....

rs

I'm just happy that I don't have a girlfriend like her.

Or a friend like you.

At least I hope I don't anyway

vibe666

you leant a lesson in love grasshopper. never over react over something you know nothing about, regardless of what your stupid loved up, testosterone filled brain is telling you!

she may well have not been doing anything on that night out, and didn't even think to tell you about it cos it wasn't worth mentioning. either that or she wanted a night out with friends without you and didn't tell you cos she thought you'd smash up all her stuff.

you fool.

you called her a tart and smashed up her/your stuff. good job she didn't have a bunny for you to boil!

chances of her forgiving you are just about zero my friend, one of the first things you should learn about women is that they very rarely forget things like that, and she's not likely to trust you again. not enough for a relationship to work anyway.

move on and learn from it. even if she was cheating on your, it's always worth finding out for sure before going postal, you might just have the wrong end of the stick. if she is, then leave and move on.

I've been hurt very badly in the past by a few women, and the things I have learnt out of it all are tolerance, forgiveness and above all, trust. I completely trust my current partner despite what others have done to me before. i'm more than happy for her to go out with her friends and give her all the freedom she needs to be who she is. and because of this she knows that I will forgive her almost anything except unfaithfulness. she can go out and get drunk and when she comes home I'll have something nice for her to eat before bed to get rid of the munchies, and we'll sit and she'll tell me what she did and where she went, because we're friends as well as lovers.

she can do whatever she wants, and I can do whatever I want, but we both know that if either of us were unfaithful that because of how open our relationship is, we couldn not hide it from one another, and if it happened the other would leave right there and then. its very simple and it's worked fine for 3 years, and we hardly ever even argue (probably not even twicea year).

something to think about.

Kali

Originally posted by seansouth
Everything was going fine until this Xmas. We had a pregnancy scare. This seems to have changed her. She has seemed to be pushing me further and further out of her life.

Two weeks ago she went to the pub with some work colleagues(thursday night), but never told me, we saw each other on friday afternoon, and she never mentioned it. I was out on friday night, when an acquaintence of ours said he'd seen her in the pub the previous night. "Strange" I thought, "she never mentioned it".

I went to their house with a bag full of everything she'd ever given me, and proceeded to smash it. CD's, Picture Frame, Shot Glass Pack, Clothes. He arrived out of the house, and I told him it had been going on behind his back for 2 years, then went home. I called her a "tart" before I left.

What the hell? You sound like the most incredibly over-reacting insecure dick ever. she went out without telling you? oh God no. looks like theres some amount of trust there.

Quite frankly you've ruined any chance you will ever have with her... I mean if you do something like that when you're not even going out, how would you react if you were?

Let her go. It ain't worth the hassle.. and the head**** that it was obviously giving you.

shels

you said you loved her which would mean you would do anything for her. yet she went out once without telling you and you went nuts. you acted stupid and i just think you should just except the fact that she wont take you back. the quicker you except this the quicker and less worrying you will have to do over this.

magick

rs

I'm just happy that I don't have a girlfriend like her. Or a friend like you.

I completely agree, the orginal post made me so angry, ever hear of honesty? When me and my gf had out first big fight my "friend" tried to do the same thing but she out right rejected him and told me. How the hell would you like it if you were going out with someone and your "friend" did that to you? sorry i dont mean to bash you over the head with my stick, but thats down right scumbaggish of the both of you. :mad:

Beruthiel

Originally posted by seansouth
I never acted on my feelings, as she had a boyfriend who I was friends with too, I told her at the time, that nothing could happen if she stayed with him.

and this is the way it should have stayed

is he really your friend? considering the way you are treating him, I doubt it tbh

see all that confusion and pain you are in right now? well, continue on this course and nothing will change there

as for you calling her a tart, what right had you there?
your reaction was ott considering she was never with you, looks to me like the whole episode is bringing out the worst in you

move on and forget about her, she was never yours to begin with and any girl who would treat her b/f like she is treating hers is not someone you want to be with

Silent Grape

u obviously dont truly love her if ur going to go psycho because she goes out for one night.

get out and away of this dangerous situation. move on with ur life and concentrate on making urself happy. (and sorting urself out emotionally)

gud luck.

Ronaldo7

I think you deserve whats happenning to you. You were an asshole to your friend. I dont understand how guys can do this stuff to their friends especially over a girl? Your obvously not friends and a really really selfish individual. I dont care if she ws naked dancing in front of you. You dont do this stuff to friends. Anyway, now moving on, so she goes out one night and you pull an absolute psycho in her house. Thats just creepy. I dont understand this. Surely there are better ways of showing emotion than being incredibly aggressive and stupid. I mean, i dont have concern for you. You totally deserve what u get. and if i did what u did, id expect to be hated for it.

The one person i feel sorry for is your "friend" who was played by both his girlfriend and his so called friend. Thats horrible man.

Zombrex

Originally posted by seansouth
I'm confused, sort of.

Haven't seen or heard from her since.

How do I get her back, I love her desperately.

So she went out for drink with work and failed to report this to you the next day. So you went round her house and smashed up everything she had ever given you and called her a "tart?" You then told her ex (that she is still living with) that you and her had been screwing around behind his back for months.

Now for some strange reason she hasn't been back in contact with you.

Exactly what bit of this do you find confusing???

You pretty much did the worst possible thing you could do to her over her not telling you she went to the pub.

She is gone .. you blew it ... lesson for the future, not a good idea to go completely psycho and violent over your g-friend going to the pub with her mates. Girls tend not to like that in a man.

patch

You say you're confused?
Hardly. You know what she's like and knew well enough when she was cheating on her bf what type of chick she is.

You've built up a picture of her in your head. Unfortunately the picture has feck all likeness to her, she's not the kind of chick you or most likely anyone will ever have a proper partnership with.

See her for what she is and move on before you get your head screwed up more.

Typedef

OH my god.

How could you get so hot for such a obvious slapper?


kick that bitche's ass to the kerb and say

"Try not to let the door hit your ass on the way out biatch".

ffs

Typedef

Originally posted by androphobic
you smashed everything she ever gave you just because she didn't tell you she had been out?

i really don't know if i could take my boyfriend back if he did that.

I mean come on.

He already knows what she's capable of on the fedility front......


Hell, maybe she 'already' has her next fella picked out... and is seeing him now too....

Maybe a friend of his.

Hey mate, if you see this chick dancing 'sexily' with a friend of yours in a club... there's 'NOTHING' going on between them


obviously.

Zombrex

Originally posted by patch
See her for what she is and move on before you get your head screwed up more.

See her for what she is?? Head screwed??

She went to the pub after work and he went psycho ffs!!

The girl hasn't done anything to him, and holding the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend (with him!) over her head is bullsh*t.

She cheated on a guy she was going out with, who she obviously wasn't happy with or in love with. He cheated on his best friend! See him for what he is, leave her out of it.

uberwolf

Originally posted by Wicknight


She cheated on a guy she was going out with, who she obviously wasn't happy with or in love with. He cheated on his best friend! See him for what he is, leave her out of it.

WTF? they both acted the same here. If ur with someone 2 yrs then they ought be ur best friend, in fact you should trust your gf more than your bestfriend at this stage. No point defending her. As for the original poster - check yourself in somewhere. You have completely failed to look at this situation realistically

seamus

Originally posted by Wicknight
She cheated on a guy she was going out with, who she obviously wasn't happy with or in love with. He cheated on his best friend! See him for what he is, leave her out of it.

She's obviously a complete bitch Wicknight.

If you're not happy or in love with someone, you don't hang around for 2 years, cheating on them, you just leave them. She's probably a money-grabbing slapper, never loved either of them, just loved their attention.

Zombrex

Originally posted by uberwolf
No point defending her.

Defending her??? She hasn't done anything!!

The issue isn't her cheating on her original boyfriend.

It is about this new guy completely freaking out because he thinks she will cheat on him. That is his problem, and he really shouldn't be throwing the first stone.

You all seem to think she is messing this new guy around. Why? What did she do?

koneko

I feel sorry for your friend. Not only is his (now ex) girlfriend a cheating slapper, he's friends with a guy that will **** him over for a girl and goes postal over nothing.

Zombrex

Originally posted by seamus
She's obviously a complete bitch Wicknight.

Oh obviously ... your study of the human condition is mind blowing.

jesus there is a lot of self righteousness floating around these days ... ye without sin cast the first stone and all that


Will you all get of your high horses and have a think what exactly has this girl done to the guy who posted the thread?

SheroN

/me casts the first stone....and the second stone.

seamus

Originally posted by Wicknight
The issue isn't her cheating on her original boyfriend.

That's exactly what the issue is. He doesn't trust her because, to quote koneko, she's a cheating slapper.

If he loses the rag when they're not even going out, what would he be like when they are going out? How could he ever trust her? She stayed with the other guy for (at least) 2 years after she started cheating on him. How would he know she wouldn't be 3 years cheating on him?

Leopards don't change their spots and all that. It's pretty much accepted that relationships borne out of cheating tend to end up badly because no-one trusts anyone else. And rightly so.

uberwolf

provided tempation for one. No justification for his behaviour and no "short skirts = asking for it" responses. But she messed him around with all of this. Mind you trashing her house and everything else is mental though.

MojoMaker

The crucial information the poster is leaving out is that both him and the girl in question have only just turned 18. They are playing at being grownups and in typical teenage fashion have fubar'd everything up because their minds are still too immature to handle the complexity of a serious relationship.

Beruthiel

you would think that Mojo
I don't think 18 yo's can get their hands on a mortgage though

Zombrex

Originally posted by seamus
That's exactly what the issue is. He doesn't trust her because, to quote koneko, she's a cheating slapper.

If he loses the rag when they're not even going out, what would he be like when they are going out? How could he ever trust her? She stayed with the other guy for (at least) 2 years after she started cheating on him. How would he know she wouldn't be 3 years cheating on him?

Leopards don't change their spots and all that. It's pretty much accepted that relationships borne out of cheating tend to end up badly because no-one trusts anyone else. And rightly so.

"He doesn't trust her." "How could he ever turst her".

It is his problem. She hasn't done anything, and he is freaking out and acting psycho. You can't blame her cause he has snapped and is smashing up her stuff outside her house. She did nothing to him, but he can't accept that she has cheated in the past (with him btw). That is his problem. He knew what he was doing. If he thinks he can't trust her, then he walks away.

He can't blame her because he doesn't trust her.

seamus

Originally posted by Wicknight
He can't blame her because he doesn't trust her.

She should have broken up with her bf at the first sign that she was even remotely interested in the other guy.

It's obviously not her fault that he went psycho. But when it comes to the distrust, there's a pair of them in it.

uberwolf

Originally posted by Wicknight
"He doesn't trust her." "How could he ever trust her".

he shouldn't

It is his problem

true

She hasn't done anything,

false

and he is freaking out and acting psycho.

true

You can't blame her cause he has snapped and is smashing up her stuff outside her house.

true

She did nothing to him,

false

but he can't accept that she has cheated in the past (with him btw). That is his problem. He knew what he was doing. If he thinks he can't trust her, then he walks away.

fair enough

He can't blame her because he doesn't trust her.

he is loolah. she's a cheat. Neither can blame anyone else. But both have acted inappropriately

Typedef

Originally posted by koneko
I feel sorry for your friend. Not only is his (now ex) girlfriend a cheating slapper, he's friends with a guy that will **** him over for a girl and goes postal over nothing.

Yeah, cheating on the best mate for two years...... wouldn't exactly engender (no pun) a feeling of trust (by default) toward said slapper.

Original Poster:

Look at it this way, she's probably 'already' run to your best friend, for comfort ... since you're such a "bastard".

You could always sleep with her best friend... to teach her a lesson.

*ahem*

patch

Originally posted by Wicknight
See her for what she is?? Head screwed??

She went to the pub after work and he went psycho ffs!!

The girl hasn't done anything to him, and holding the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend (with him!) over her head is bullsh*t.

She cheated on a guy she was going out with, who she obviously wasn't happy with or in love with. He cheated on his best friend! See him for what he is, leave her out of it.

Hang on..... are you female Wickknight? The girl HAS done something to him. She's filled his head with crap, and proved herself to be a slapper. Your saying it was okay for her to cheat because she didn't love her boyfriend? That's right, sure.

Their both at fault, except that HE'S the one looking for the advice. A cheater is a cheater. She just happens to be a cheating whore. When he smashed up all her stuff, that point was clear in his head, he wanted closure. Now he's not so sure. Herein lies the problem he has to now get over.

Beruthiel

Wicknight
this girl made a pass at him while still with her b/f
whatever way you want to look at it, the both of them are to blame for this situation that they are in now

now
lets all cool down and get back to a nice, calm discussion on the topic at hand!

Zombrex

Originally posted by patch
Hang on..... are you female Wickknight?

No? Why you say that? Do you have a thing against women in general Patch?

Originally posted by patch
Your saying it was okay for her to cheat because she didn't love her boyfriend?

I am saying that she is not the devil! And everyone seems to be forgetting that she didn't cheat on the poster. She went to the pub!!! But because women are evil and she is a slapper she must cheat on him? That is women hating bullsh*t. And lets not forget she cheated on her boyfriend with the poster, and now he is turning around and throwing that fact back in her face, calling her a tart. The hypocracy is staggering.

Originally posted by patch
Their both at fault, except that HE'S the one looking for the advice.

What is their fault? I have asked this before and never got an answer but what has she done?!?!?

She went to the pub and he went psycho. And that is her fault?

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Wicknight
She went to the pub and he went psycho. And that is her fault?

wicknight

did you see my above post?
you've been answered
now calm down
I won't ask again
B

patch

wicknight,

LoL.

Have I a problem with women? Course I do, I can't get enough of them to have sex with me!

Anyways, your trying to say that the chick isn't at fault at all? FFS man, she's a slapper. Plain and simple. Not all slappers are heartless b1tches, usually they either mean well or live in a fantasy world.
Trouble is, if people don't stick to the basic rules, people get hurt. They BOTH broke them, they are now both hurt.
Comprende??



(Edited, as forgot to quote Wicknight.)

uberwolf

Originally posted by Wicknight

She went to the pub and he went psycho. And that is her fault?

you're looking at it as an isolated incident. It was out of order and scary behaviour. But in the context of the situation the girl is not coming out of this cleanly.

Beruthiel

Wicknight

go back and read his post again
here is the part where it is quite clear they both cheated on her b/f behind his back:

However, two weeks later she made a pass at me, and me being male, I responded to this pass, and kissed her back, it was around Xmas time. We started seeing each other behind the bf's back

now
let that be the end of it

Zombrex

Originally posted by Beruthiel
Wicknight

go back and read his post again
here is the part where it is quite clear they both cheated on her b/f behind his back:

Er, no offence Beruthiel, but I know. He goes on for paragraph after paragraph about how they carried on behind the boyfriends back for months. Hence the "cheating."

She cheated on her boyfriend (with him). He cheated on his best friend (with her). She then broke with the boyfriend and started going out with the poster.

So why does he get to throw that in her face everytime she goes to the pub and doesn't tell him. "You are a cheater, a slapper, so I get to freak out everytime I am worried you are going to cheat on me"

Does no one else see how hypocritical and nasty this is, for him to throw it back into her face everytime he has a problem. I think she should say "feck you" and never see him again.

BTW why is the girl the "slapper". He was just as bad, they are both to blame, but she is the slapper? When he is the one freaking out and being violent and abusive?

The mind boggles.

Zombrex

Originally posted by uberwolf
you're looking at it as an isolated incident. It was out of order and scary behaviour. But in the context of the situation the girl is not coming out of this cleanly.

Well in my view she is coming out of it a lot better than the poster. She never turned around and called him a "tart" when they were seeing each other. She never gave out that he had treated his best friend like that or thrown it back in her face. She never freaked out that he would cheat on her (after all he didn't mind betraying his best friend).

uberwolf

this is rapidly going off topic and will be no help to the origianal poster. They were both wrong. He should give up on it and sort his anger and morality issues. He shouldn't throw it back in her face, but she should get out if she can't deal with it, she has - he can't handle it, there'll be a restraining order involved here if it continues. No one has defended his behaviour. You're the only one defending/justifying her behaviour.

Back to the topic!

Zombrex

Originally posted by patch
wicknight,
Have I a problem with women?

Then what has me being or not being a woman got to do with? What if I had said yes? Would you have dismissed my argument because I was a women.

Originally posted by patch

... FFS man, she's a slapper. Plain and simple.

... Not all slappers are heartless b1tches,

... usually they either mean well or live in a fantasy world.l

Oh well I am convinced, no problem here :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Wicknight
Does no one else see how hypocritical and nasty this is, for him to throw it back into her face everytime he has a problem. I think she should say "feck you" and never see him again

I believe the hypocrisy is quite obvious to us all

Zombrex

Originally posted by uberwolf
No one has defended his behaviour. You're the only one defending/justifying her behaviour.

Er, load of people were defending his behaviour, saying she was a slapper, she deserved it, that she pushed him to it, that she has messed with hims mind, that he was right to suspect her, once a cheater always a cheater.

That is why I jumped in.

I don't need to justify her behaviour, because she didn't do anything

sigh! .. did anyone actually read the original post

uberwolf

this reminds me of a kylie minogue song. I give up.

seamus

Originally posted by Wicknight
because she didn't do anything

sigh! .. did anyone actually read the original post

Did you read my last post?

I'm not saying it's her fault, but if the entire thing had been started on the right foot, it would have turned out better. He needs to sort out those anger issues. What he did was way OTT. I don't think anyone said she deserved it.

My point is that it's perfectly obvious that she was just having a bit of craic. That's what she did wrong. If she was actually serious about him, she would have broken off with her ex before anything happened instead of moving in with the guy. "I love you, but I'm moving in with my boyfriend." Love is blind, but that's ridiculous. As Typie said, his outburst has probably sent her running back crying to her ex. You can't play with fire and not expect to get burnt.